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Mulaney Power Move
Dec 30, 2004

Im Ready for DEATH posted:

inept man attempts to survive coronavirus instead slain by botulism

i think it was just freezer burned to the bejesus and back and i didn't notice when i tossed it in the crockpot this morning because it's just a ham bone and didn't really smell like anything

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Spazzle
Jul 5, 2003


Can I infect your manager?

Sirotan
Oct 17, 2006

Sirotan is a seal.


https://twitter.com/BreakingNews/status/1239278479834861571

Can only assume this is going to be the norm for a bunch of other states very soon.

Philthy
Jan 28, 2003

Pillbug
has anyone figured out how long it would take to run out of porn?

what happens then

Sirotan
Oct 17, 2006

Sirotan is a seal.


As an aside, has Twitter just been performing like poo poo for the last couple of days? I'm having a hard time getting images to load more often than not.

Dinosaurs!
May 22, 2003


I’m probably just being a conspiracy theorist, but the UK’s callous plan sounds like a setup for “Look how poorly the NHS handled this. We need free market solutions!” a year from now.

MarcusSA
Sep 23, 2007

Anne Whateley posted:


He means UHT pasteurized milk, it's still a liquid and totally normal except it's shelf-stable and lasts months. It's also a thing in Canada. Trader Joe's has UHT heavy cream, but I haven't seen UHT regular milk in the US.

Yeah I haven't been able to find it here in LA either.

I'm sure it is someplace but I've checked a few stores around me and come up with nothing.

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

Sirotan posted:

https://twitter.com/BreakingNews/status/1239278479834861571

Can only assume this is going to be the norm for a bunch of other states very soon.

Lmao those comments with people being insanely mad because they can't go do meaningless bullshit during a pandemic for a few weeks at the potential cost of death of human lives.

speng31b
May 8, 2010

MarcusSA posted:

Yeah I haven't been able to find it here in LA either.

I'm sure it is someplace but I've checked a few stores around me and come up with nothing.

Mexican grocery stores have it.

beer gas canister
Oct 30, 2007

shmups are da best come play some shmups they're cheap and good and you like them
Plaster Town Cop

sweet thursday posted:

It's been a hard day arguing with my family, my employer, my union exec, and my co-workers.


The fact that I can come back to a thread like this with people who get it and can also make funny dumb jokes? Well, I say, I love you all and I will play my violin on the decks of this ship with you right til a 1% boomer coughs in my mouth twice.

yep. gotta hope the state governments will fall in line and order mass shutdowns.

Mulaney Power Move
Dec 30, 2004

i noticed a while ago that ohio seems to be taking things more seriously than you would expect

flubber nuts
Oct 5, 2005


sweet thursday posted:

It's been a hard day arguing with my family, my employer, my union exec, and my co-workers.


The fact that I can come back to a thread like this with people who get it and can also make funny dumb jokes? Well, I say, I love you all and I will play my violin on the decks of this ship with you right til a 1% boomer coughs in my mouth twice.

your only hope is to lock yourself in the bathroom in one of those sick bubble tents. godspeed soldier.

Harminoff
Oct 24, 2005

👽

Sirotan posted:

https://twitter.com/BreakingNews/status/1239278479834861571

Can only assume this is going to be the norm for a bunch of other states very soon.

Yep. Illinois just did the same. I can only imagine this will drastically increase the hoarding.

Dinosaurs!
May 22, 2003

Mulaney Power Move posted:

i noticed a while ago that ohio seems to be taking things more seriously than you would expect

I imagine republican governors become very motivated to take this seriously once they’re informed of the risk to their geriatric voter base.

Blaise330
Aug 13, 2007

GOD'S FAVORITE CHAMPION

Sirotan posted:

https://twitter.com/BreakingNews/status/1239278479834861571

Can only assume this is going to be the norm for a bunch of other states very soon.

I know I shouldn't read the replies........

zer0spunk
Nov 6, 2000

devil never even lived
death loves irony

for instance, the people spamming this dumb poo poo on social media are 100% the demographic that this thing snuffs out


r u ready to WALK
Sep 29, 2001

Philthy posted:

has anyone figured out how long it would take to run out of porn?

what happens then

I think it's probably like youtube where they produce several days of new content every hour so you will never have time to watch it all.

Maybe you can run out eventually if you're a hardcore multiboxer and build a giant wall of TVs.

Baller Time
Apr 22, 2014

by Azathoth

The Curevac CEO, the investors, and the German goverment all gave a big old "NEIN." to Trump today regarding this.

Blaise330
Aug 13, 2007

GOD'S FAVORITE CHAMPION

Blaise330 posted:

I know I shouldn't read the replies........

Eh couldn't help myself




Today they came for Hooters, tomorrow they come for our guns.

Badchay
Mar 22, 2015

Aw, shucks

https://twitter.com/MachoorTV/status/1239220386153345029

Blaise330
Aug 13, 2007

GOD'S FAVORITE CHAMPION

It's all jokes until Reptile sneezes on you.

CptAwesome
Nov 2, 2005


But what about the King of Iron Fist tournament?

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE



Pakistani politics posted:

Preview of top baby names for 2021
Covidderik
Charmina
Purelissa
Spewer (boy's name)
Fever
Toilette
Mass Grave Residents #6807714+
Quilted Northern (dog name)

Ronnie

Blaise330
Aug 13, 2007

GOD'S FAVORITE CHAMPION

CptAwesome posted:

But what about the King of Iron Fist tournament?

We're so not getting any crossover games this year. Dunno if I want Capcom vs Capcom or Marvel vs Marvel more.

sweet thursday
Sep 16, 2012

I've been thinking a lot about something. My whole life people have been telling me to stop playing with myself, but it turns out right now my dick is the safest thing on the planet to touch

BIG-DICK-BUTT-FUCK
Jan 26, 2016

by Fluffdaddy

Zugzwang posted:

Few things are more dangerous than dumb smart people. These dipfucks going ~we have a model a bloo bloo bloo~ can't possibly, at this point, model this thing correctly. And their dipfuck ideas assume that herd immunity for this virus is a thing, whereas reinfections from coronaviruses are not uncommon. Meaning herd immunity is a bullshit idea in and of itself, nevermind the fact that a whole bunch of people would get turbo-hosed by this policy along the way even if herd immunity were real.

There is little reason to believe that the handful of suspected "reinfections" are real re-infections and not just false positives caused by uninformed testing methods. Calling the risk of re-infection "not uncommon" is just plain wrong.

Galewolf
Jan 9, 2007

The human gallbladder is indeed a puzzle!
My girlfriend is in charge of a massive music group that has like dozens of 70+ people on it and the organization board cancelled rehersals for 2 weeks.

I swear to god, in less than 15 minutes a boomer aged 70 emailed a massive wall of text that had:

-Metric ton of psuedoscience with "just a flu, bro" seasoning.

-How dare you to cancel my [social event you can absolutely live without] while our super competent and trustworthy government saying that it's alright (while literal hundreds dying each day in the EU).

And the most teeth gnashing part:

-We old folks (70+) in the organization are sturdy stock and will to survive this. (:stare:)

Holy poo poo, not in the history of universe "OK, BOOMER" was more appropriate answer than this. I mean, Jesus.H.Christ.

Neophyte
Apr 23, 2006

perennially
Taco Defender
I GOT A FEVER
AND THE ONLY PRESCRIPTION
IS actually there really isn't anything except maybe a rare experimental antiviral

But seriously I had a fever now 100.5 - 100.7 all day and I'm an elderish goon (49) so rip me (or at least my lung tidal volume for the next month).
My only hope is that is if I have it early I can snag one of the still-available ICU beds. The early bird gets the EMCO, bitches!

Neophyte
Apr 23, 2006

perennially
Taco Defender
Also anyone who posted or posts within three or four posts away from mine is probably infected. I was coughing with every keystroke!

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo
Illinois and Ohio are going full shutdown Jfc

shame on an IGA
Apr 8, 2005

I can kinda understand the calculus for casinos wanting to stay open and squeeze their base until the last possible second because one this thing kills all their customers there's absolutely nobody coming up behind to replace them. Sure, younger generations might be just as prone to compulsive gambling behaviors, but they don't have any drat money.

r u ready to WALK
Sep 29, 2001

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SjJxs3muxk

it's quite catchy

mike12345
Jul 14, 2008

"Whether the Earth was created in 7 days, or 7 actual eras, I'm not sure we'll ever be able to answer that. It's one of the great mysteries."





Neophyte posted:

I GOT A FEVER
AND THE ONLY PRESCRIPTION
IS actually there really isn't anything except maybe a rare experimental antiviral

But seriously I had a fever now 100.5 - 100.7 all day and I'm an elderish goon (49) so rip me (or at least my lung tidal volume for the next month).
My only hope is that is if I have it early I can snag one of the still-available ICU beds. The early bird gets the EMCO, bitches!

we need a thread for people with the 'roni only, everyone else gets probated

Google Butt
Oct 4, 2005

Xenology is an unnatural mixture of science fiction and formal logic. At its core is a flawed assumption...

that an alien race would be psychologically human.

Burt Sexual posted:

Illinois and Ohio are going full shutdown Jfc

As should every other state, like now

Ugly In The Morning
Jul 1, 2010
Pillbug

Neophyte posted:

Also anyone who posted or posts within three or four posts away from mine is probably infected. I was coughing with every keystroke!

Jokes on you, I’m already infected!

Lamech
Nov 20, 2001



Soiled Meat
are there any reports from retail goons of ammunition being stockpiled, like more than normal, due to this, or have people not yet thought about how they're going to guard their toilet paper castles?

Blaise330
Aug 13, 2007

GOD'S FAVORITE CHAMPION
Every zombie setting in fiction I have trouble suspending my disbelief that people would let it get out of hand until the whole world has zombies.

I kinda buy it now

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

mike12345 posted:

we need a thread for people with the 'roni only, everyone else gets probated

We’re working a subforum idea, no promises though

BIG-DICK-BUTT-FUCK
Jan 26, 2016

by Fluffdaddy
This bumpkin is on police watch to keep him from leaving his house:
https://www.the-sun.com/news/539494/coronavirus-kentucky-patient-self-isolate-armed-guard/

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QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P

yeah. my family in ohio, who had previously been minimizing the outbreak, are now in a panic. grocery stores emptying out. businesses shut down.

it also probably doesn't help that the president of the united states is wasting time doing stupid, evil, dumbfuck things like this:

https://twitter.com/KBAndersen/status/1239227651027501057

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