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Josherino)
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And now I discovered that I broke the code at work and everyone including my boss jumped in to blame me. I ended up having a chat with my team lead who was understanding but who knows how the actual manager will react. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
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Apr 2, 2020 20:05
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| # ? May 26, 2024 04:02 |
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Right before COVID was a thing, I switched jobs from something that I could probably still have right now if I'd stayed there to something that involved working with kids. Now I'm unemployed and living with my parents, with no prospects for the foreseeable future. I'm selfish enough that I'm hoping the gov't fucks up and lifts quarantine so I can go back to work and watch a tremendous amount of Americans die while I have something to do, because the alternative is staying here, watching my weed run out, kvetching at the drifting joystick on the Switch I got specifically to entertain me during quarantine, and listening to my father talk about how excited he is to vote for Joe Biden. The thought of this becoming the new normal is enough to drive me to full on despair, and this is me on medication, I shudder to think of how I'd be doing right now without it. Many people are worse off than I am, but that doesn't make me feel any better. I don't have poo poo to distract myself with, and it was enough of a pain in my rear end in a top hat to find a job already. The few friends I had are all busy alternating between their essential positions that they still have and taking the quarantine seriously by avoiding social calls. All avenues for any shred of hope or speck of light at the end of the tunnel are closed off from me. Are there any kinds of jobs anyone knows about that are still somehow looking for new human bodies? I need something to do beyond just blasting ropes all day, because that's not even fun aside from the ten seconds where it is, and I guarantee I'm a week away from "This is as good as life will ever be for you again" shooting through my head whenever I cum.
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Apr 2, 2020 21:49
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For the younger ones I have been through decades of national and global tumult, and that is why I think that things will generally work out. That doesn't mean that things aren't hosed up and that there won't be lasting changes afterward but expecting the collapse of civilization is too dramatic. Like I've said before humanity survived over 300 years of the Black Death recurring. This is awful, but simply does not compare. I've fought depression pretty much my entire life. I know the lies it tells you. Remember that even though things in the world are shittier than they were before, they are still lies.
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Apr 2, 2020 21:54
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it is selfish as hell for me to say it, but for the first time in my adult life, i was finally in a comfortable place. still living paycheck to paycheck, but bills are paid, debt is manageable. my company was bought out by a start up that is saddled with a lot of debt and is relying on credit for liquidity. im in a field with a lot more people looking for work than positions (nonfiction writer/editor) available. A colleague and acquaintance of mine won a goddamn pulitzer in 2017 and has turned to GoFundMe to keep the lights on because advertising in his small newspaper has just dried up. I know I'm in the same boat as nearly every working american, but i was about a year away from possibly buying a house. silver lining is if i keep my job, maybe i can get a house still? oh well, cant control what i cant control, so thanks for letting me vent about some poo poo everyone is experiencing, almost assuredly in more stressful circumstances than me because while I dont have any savings, i have a spouse that will have a job so long as she's alive and licensed, so we'll always have income so long as she can work. she is an ER nurse and I'm working from home now, so I'm doing my best to be as good of support structure as I can. I've been staying up until she gets home (1 am) so she can have a hot meal and say hi before I need to go to sleep. she is under a great deal of stress as her hospital system has around 150 employees that have tested positive for coronavirus. she also deals with mental health issues, so I'm trying like hell to not make my current brain worries a stressor for her too. thanks for reading if you did, and thanks for letting me vent. i feel better for having gotten the worries out of my head and into a post
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Apr 2, 2020 22:17
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if it makes you feel better it's possible that houses are going to get cheaper after this. Airbnb landlords are taking a huge bath on all of this and most of them exist on credit alone. dumbshits with ten mortgages who thought the train was gonna go forever are probably going to be selling their properties, or getting foreclosed on. depends on your market of course. either way you love to see it.
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Apr 3, 2020 00:23
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Every cheap property is going to get snapped up by corporations who will keep them empty for a thousand years if that's what it takes to get the price they want.
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Apr 3, 2020 00:26
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gently caress my work wants me to come in again on Monday to be "fair" to my 22 year old healthy co-worker who didn't do poo poo when she was working from home. I have asthma and can barely recover from colds, didn't think working from home was for one week. What's the point of that? I also don't qualify for any sort of government health care or financial assistance, while she does. Love 2 die for my employer
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Apr 3, 2020 00:36
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Found out today one of former friends is a pedophile incestual rapist who raped his sister on a family vacation three years ago and had to go through a bunch of legal poo poo about it and I had no idea about it until today when some mutual friends bothered to tell me.
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Apr 3, 2020 01:12
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It feels like I only really matter to my friends when I do something for them that makes them happy. If I ever come to any of them with problems, they just stay silent until I stop talking about it. That hurts a lot, I thought I knew a lot of these people for long enough that we were close, but maybe I misjudged things. I feel like I should just stop doing things for them, it feels like it's taking advantage of me if it's all me giving them what they want but I'm getting nothing out of it.
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Apr 3, 2020 02:18
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maybe they dont know what to say better to stay silent than say the wrong thing
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Apr 3, 2020 03:26
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They do literally nothing, though. No one wants to even hazard a "sorry to hear it, please feel better"
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Apr 3, 2020 04:28
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got any sevens posted:maybe they dont know what to say It's this, more than likely. I know there's been times in this very thread where people have been in bad shape and I've actively chewed off my own hand to avoid accidentally posting something that's going to make it a thousand times worse. Plus I feel really lame typing "I'm sorry I feel for you" over and over again like a robot  I do tho just so you guys know
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Apr 3, 2020 05:28
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Hi goons, I'm just going to dump my brain about medication because this seems like the best place for it. I've been on sertraline for around 4 years, and propranolol for my anxiety for about a year. These medications made me feel better when I first started taking them, and have brought me back to a point where I'm ok mood wise at home, but cannot cope in the outside world beyond the occasional late night trip to 24hr supermarket. I'm not working, and I'm getting the scraps from the table that we call disability benefit here in the UK. I had to change GP at the end of last year, and other than seeing one of the nurses for a new patient induction thing I haven't been to see a doctor at the new place yet. At the same time I started to suspect that my meds aren't doing much of anything for me any more. I've been slowly sliding back into the zero motivation part of depression for a while now, but minimised it because there was no massive despair like when I first sought help. I just don't feel much of anything any more. So a couple of months back i decided I was going to taper the sertraline to see if it made any difference. I've gone from 200mg a day to 50mg, and I've barely noticed a difference. Is this something that happens with SSRIs, they just stop working after a while? I know I need to be in therapy as well, and I've been on a waiting list for over a year. My first appointment was supposed to be 2 weeks ago but that got postponed indefinitely because of corona, so I've gone from a GP that I had a decent relationship with and therapy on the horizon to no GP and no therapy and meds that don't do anything. During a global pandemic with no end in sight.
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Apr 3, 2020 05:44
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Tarnop posted:Hi goons, I'm just going to dump my brain about medication because this seems like the best place for it. I can't speak to the propranolol, but I had a similar experience with sertraline. Worked well for a few years, but gradually slid back into the "facing the world is for other people" place. Brains are weird, though, so everyone reacts a bit differently to brain drugs. I'm taking two pills now and things have been better, but a bit too late since I got fired anyways. I'm in a weird spot cause I blew up my 401k when I lost my job last year, which left me with a decent amount of money to survive on. Really frustrating not finding a decent job since then, but even in this mess I'm financially sound due to cutting expenses like crazy. I grew up in a poor and unstable environment, though, so I have what is apparently called a high adversity quotient (I hate this phrase). I'm still worried about everything and relying on the nihilistic "Everything will be fine because humanity is a tiny mote on a spec of dust in a truly huge universe" approach to keep me from freaking out. There's also some weird schadenfreude in being right even when it's about horrible circumstances or individuals being huge pieces of poo poo.
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Apr 3, 2020 06:47
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Tarnop posted:Hi goons, I'm just going to dump my brain about medication because this seems like the best place for it. Gonna preface this as usual: I am not a doctor and just an internet jerk, the below is my experience and literally nothing else not even a recommendation That being said I had a problem with my SSRIs eventually making GBS threads out on me as well. Mine was a different cause probably---I have bipolar, and until rexaulti, I couldn't find an atypical that worked without trying to kill me---but it's known to happen across the board. I would ask your doctor about deplin/methylfolate. It's technically an otc supplement but deplin is formulated differently and your doctor will probably want to know regardless. Also you may need a different ssri or maybe even an snri?? I don't know??? Talk to your doctor regardless because something isn't working and it definitely needs to change Also if you haven't already let them know you've tritated down. For example, I actually have my pdoc's blessing to tinker as necessary (within reason) SO LONG AS I keep her in the loop. Even if they didn't approve it before hand they still need to know. If they scold you like a child for taking matters into your own hands then gently caress them but I'm pretty sure they won't.
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Apr 3, 2020 06:48
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Thanks for the replies. It feels good to get it all out there, I haven't told anyone else about reducing my meds I'll call about an appointment with my GP and talk about switching to something new. Just thinking about it has reminded me that I kept a spreadsheet of dates and dosages when I was stepping it down, which I'm sure the doctor won't care about either way but will at least reassure me that I actually did do it responsibly.
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Apr 3, 2020 07:19
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Tarnop posted:Thanks for the replies. It feels good to get it all out there, I haven't told anyone else about reducing my meds That's awesome. It sounds like you're on top of things. Your doctor will appreciate it 
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Apr 3, 2020 15:51
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Chuka Umana posted:Found out today one of former friends is a pedophile incestual rapist who raped his sister on a family vacation three years ago and had to go through a bunch of legal poo poo about it and I had no idea about it until today when some mutual friends bothered to tell me. That really sucks and I'm sorry you're going through that. Having a person in your life revealed to be that kind of person is a really stressful experience. For me it was an extended family member, and over the years my opinion and feelings on the whole situation have evolved. When I first found out I just thought, "Well gently caress that person. They're out of my life forever and I don't want to ever think about them or hear about them ever again." But over the years I've realized that it's not the simple to move on, and feelings evolve as time passes. But it's okay to be angry and confused and sad and....just everything. Edit: Not to mention how relationships change with those associated with that person. Sudden Loud Noise has issued a correction as of 18:12 on Apr 3, 2020 |
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Apr 3, 2020 17:57
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Chokes McGee posted:That's awesome. It sounds like you're on top of things. Your doctor will appreciate it Yeah I'm pretty good at sounding like I'm on top of things. It's a big part of the problem.
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Apr 3, 2020 18:27
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Sudden Loud Noise posted:That really sucks and I'm sorry you're going through that. Having a person in your life revealed to be that kind of person is a really stressful experience. For me it was an extended family member, and over the years my opinion and feelings on the whole situation have evolved. When I first found out I just thought, "Well gently caress that person. They're out of my life forever and I don't want to ever think about them or hear about them ever again." But over the years I've realized that it's not the simple to move on, and feelings evolve as time passes. But it's okay to be angry and confused and sad and....just everything. I mean there's still a person under all those horrible crimes. I wouldn't be inclined to continue associating with them, but it doesn't invalidate any good memories. I dunno how comparable it is, but I even have some fun memories about my horribly abusive parents. I'm not at a place of forgiveness and don't know if I ever will be, but you can keep the happy stuff. It's ok imo.
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Apr 3, 2020 19:12
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Tarnop posted:Yeah I'm pretty good at sounding like I'm on top of things. It's a big part of the problem. Fake it until you make it 
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Apr 3, 2020 19:13
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That phrase has always made me angry.
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Apr 3, 2020 19:31
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got any sevens posted:ive been wondering why i'm not panicking about covid like most people I'm in the same boat. Personally, being in and out of hospitals for my childhood has blunted my fear of death, and the fact that I really don't have anything adds to that. No job, no lover, living with my parents, nothing to really call my own, I rarely leave the house -- I don't care anymore. I don't want to die, but I have little to lose. I think things will meaningfully change because we're looking at 30% unemployment in addition to the COVID pandemic, but it remains to be seen which way it will go.
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Apr 3, 2020 19:53
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Shifty Nipples posted:That phrase has always made me angry. My preference is the secret 11th commandment, "Get it right."
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Apr 3, 2020 20:15
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How is a person supposed to function when how they feel on meds is how they used to feel off meds? I can't even compartmentalize this poo poo anymore. My coping methods are all taken from me, all I can do is sit around and think of how the worst possible outcomes will arise out of this whole situation, all the old people I need alive dying and the gov't being replaced with more out and out fascists, and I can't even smoke a bowl because that poo poo ran out. I need to go lick doorknobs and pray it kills me before I have to watch RBG die.
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Apr 3, 2020 20:43
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Alvarez IV posted:How is a person supposed to function when how they feel on meds is how they used to feel off meds? I can't even compartmentalize this poo poo anymore. My coping methods are all taken from me, all I can do is sit around and think of how the worst possible outcomes will arise out of this whole situation, all the old people I need alive dying and the gov't being replaced with more out and out fascists, and I can't even smoke a bowl because that poo poo ran out. I need to go lick doorknobs and pray it kills me before I have to watch RBG die. Can you work on other coping techniques? Meditate? Take up an indoors hobby? Do you have a safe space around you to at least get out for a walk?
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Apr 3, 2020 20:55
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Arivia posted:Can you work on other coping techniques? Meditate? Take up an indoors hobby? Do you have a safe space around you to at least get out for a walk? I've been throwing myself into my indoors hobbies to the point where they are losing their luster. I have also been going for walks in nature, safely. Meditation is like Xanax in that both does the opposite of what it's supposed to do on me.
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Apr 3, 2020 21:08
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Alvarez IV posted:Meditation is like Xanax in that both does the opposite of what it's supposed to do on me. Can you elaborate?
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Apr 3, 2020 21:15
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thehandtruck posted:Can you elaborate? Sure. Xanax is a benzo, which usually calms a person down when they take it, but when I took it years ago (as prescribed by a doctor), it made my anxiety spike, which happens to some people. Meditation is meant to clear the mind, to allow a person to process and dissociate from negative thoughts in a healthy fashion. When I do it, I last about fifteen seconds and then my brain has fixated on the thing I was trying to avoid, and now I'm catastrophizing and unable to let go of whatever poo poo has come into my head (except in the sense of "Someday we'll all be dead and none of this will matter," which is the bad kind of nihilism and not the funkind). The most effective coping methods in my life have typically involved distraction and avoidance of confrontation, because I'm a weak and sheltered little bitch who will never be allowed to hit rock bottom and always have bullshit teenager problems even as I near thirty.
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Apr 3, 2020 22:26
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does anyone else feel like the quarantine has dragged the world down to your level and that you feel weirdly powerful and strong now because everyone else is also depressed?
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Apr 3, 2020 22:26
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Impermanent posted:does anyone else feel like the quarantine has dragged the world down to your level and that you feel weirdly powerful and strong now because everyone else is also depressed? Nah I feel like it dragged me back to a year ago when I was broke and depressed. Had just climbed out of my hole after 39 years.
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Apr 3, 2020 22:38
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Impermanent posted:does anyone else feel like the quarantine has dragged the world down to your level and that you feel weirdly powerful and strong now because everyone else is also depressed? maybe not weirdly powerful or strong, that's a bit of a stretch, but absolutely as someone who'd been a shut in working from home voluntarily for a good long while, I had been training for this for a while, so to speak. It's okay to take some personal relief from it certainly, but I can't imagine it's a line of discussion that's going to do much to endear you to anybody Zvahl has issued a correction as of 02:34 on Apr 4, 2020 |
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Apr 4, 2020 00:17
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My medication switch isn't going well. I was improving on the new medicine but once I got to the end of the month of samples, my insurance said they wouldn't cover a prescription for it unless I tried and failed two generic antidepressants. Since my insurance coverage ended at the end of the month when I turned 26, i have no insurance now. So we tried the generic of Lexapro. Now I have intense suicidal ideation and terribly dark moods. I told my psychiatrist I was concerned I would hurt myself and I'm being taken off of it. I got rejected by Medicaid and have to try again. The moods are still terrible and I feel very alone. My OCD is worse than ever. I am in touch with my psychiatrist and therapist. But isolation is not good for me at all. Please do not probate me for this post. I am not in any danger and I am working with my doctor. I just feel terrible.
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Apr 4, 2020 00:55
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I worked so hard over the past year and I feel like all that progress is gone.
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Apr 4, 2020 00:56
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PsychedelicWarlord posted:I worked so hard over the past year and I feel like all that progress is gone.  at least you're trying. and you know enough about yourself to realize when its bad meds and not you 
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Apr 4, 2020 01:31
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got any sevens posted:
Thank you, you're right. I was able to immediately recognize it as from the medicine, which is good and helped me not spiral further. Thanks
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Apr 4, 2020 01:56
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PsychedelicWarlord posted:My medication switch isn't going well. I was improving on the new medicine but once I got to the end of the month of samples, my insurance said they wouldn't cover a prescription for it unless I tried and failed two generic antidepressants. Since my insurance coverage ended at the end of the month when I turned 26, i have no insurance now. So we tried the generic of Lexapro. Now I have intense suicidal ideation and terribly dark moods. I told my psychiatrist I was concerned I would hurt myself and I'm being taken off of it. I got rejected by Medicaid and have to try again. The moods are still terrible and I feel very alone. My OCD is worse than ever. I am in touch with my psychiatrist and therapist. But isolation is not good for me at all. Please do not probate me for this post. I am not in any danger and I am working with my doctor. I just feel terrible. Let me guess: Rexaulti. Unless that's something they're doing across the board for all brand name antidepressants now, which is garbage. Just hang in there and keep talking, that's all I ask.
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Apr 4, 2020 04:42
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Chokes McGee posted:Let me guess: Rexaulti. Unless that's something they're doing across the board for all brand name antidepressants now, which is garbage. Trintellix, actually, sorry to disappoint. Apparently Medicaid will cover it where my private insurance didn't so I just need to keep trying.
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Apr 4, 2020 06:28
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Impermanent posted:does anyone else feel like the quarantine has dragged the world down to your level and that you feel weirdly powerful and strong now because everyone else is also depressed? Yeah, although "resilient" might be a better word than "powerful." It turns out that coping with depression is actually a learned skill and I'm a lot better at it than some of my nominally more functional friends. 
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Apr 4, 2020 07:42
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| # ? May 26, 2024 04:02 |
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Yeah resilient is probably the right word
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Apr 4, 2020 10:59
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