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hyperhazard posted:Binged this thread in a week, what a ride. Yeah, but I imagine she thinks its borderline romantic.
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Mar 2, 2020 02:56
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It's also just a terribly boring book. This is how the story ends:quote:"We don't make exceptions," Jane told them, amused. "And we don't give second chances. It's bad for our reputation." It's so detached, it's like Bree isn't even a person. She may as well be writing a grocery list with how her death is treated.
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Mar 2, 2020 04:08
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chitoryu12 posted:It's also just a terribly boring book. This is how the story ends: I'm offended it's in first person, past tense. That makes zero sense unless this is being transcribed from the afterlife.
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Mar 2, 2020 14:14
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We've finally finished with William Control, so Twilight resumes for the finale on Monday!
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Apr 18, 2020 01:30
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I am incredibly excited for this. Thank you for suffering for our enjoyment in these dark times.
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Apr 18, 2020 03:09
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I got bored. Here you go.quote:This book is dedicated to my ninja/agent, Jodi Reamer. Thank you for keeping me off the ledge. After William Control, there's something almost comforting about returning to the most boring series. quote:Childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at a certain age Preface quote:I'd had more than my fair share of near-death experiences; it wasn’t something you ever really got used to. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpKlLs_Xrcw Chapter 1: Engaged quote:No one is staring at you, I promised myself. No one is staring at you. No one is staring at you. Right back in top form with Bella's very first line being a lie! quote:As I sat waiting for one of the three traffic lights in town to turn green, I peeked to the right—in her minivan, Mrs. Weber had turned her whole torso in my direction. Her eyes bored into mine, and I flinched back, wondering why she didn’t drop her gaze or look ashamed. It was still considered rude to stare at people, wasn’t it? Didn’t that apply to me anymore? And immediately killed five people. quote:Engine snarling like a hunting panther, the car jolted forward so fast that my body slammed into the black leather seat and my stomach flattened against my spine. I was actually doing a Duck tour in Boston when something like that happened and the guy lodged his friend's Mercedes under the front of our vehicle at a four-way stop. quote:I managed to reach my goal, the gas station. If I hadn’t been running on vapors, I wouldn’t have come into town at all. I was going without a lot of things these days, like Pop-Tarts and shoelaces, to avoid spending time in public. You...go through shoelaces? quote:Moving as if I were in a race, I got the hatch open, the cap off, the card scanned, and the nozzle in the tank within seconds. Of course, there was nothing I could do to make the numbers on the gauge pick up the pace. They ticked by sluggishly, almost as if they were doing it just to annoy me. If this were written today, they'd probably be wondering why Edward bought her a 4k 60 FPS webcam. quote:“Yeah, who cares what they think,” I muttered under my breath. More of Meyer's self-insert talking, as she knew so little about cars that she got her gearhead brothers to do all that part for her. quote:“I’m sorry to bother you, but could you tell me what kind of car you’re driving?” the tall one asked.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV7fQKAwUS4 The real car being referenced here is the Mercedes-Benz S600 Guard, a highly modified version of the S-class platform for VIP protection. Armored body panels, bulletproof glass, and a self-sealing fuel tank. quote:While his eyes traced the contours of my car—it didn’t look much different from any other Mercedes sedan to me, but what did I know?—I briefly contemplated my issues with words like fiancé, wedding, husband, etc. Or because he's permanently a hormonal teenager? quote:Like always, as soon as I started thinking about Edward I was caught up in a dizzy spin of fantasies. The stranger had to clear his throat to get my attention; he was still waiting for an answer about the car’s make and model. One day this year, we will get Bella Swan to learn how to talk to people. quote:I swiftly put away the nozzle and crept into the front seat to hide while the enthusiast dug a huge professional-looking camera out of his backpack. He and his friend took turns posing by the hood, and then they went to take pictures at the back end. Of course Edward would intentionally break her property to get her to accept things his way. quote:I stopped that thought cold, refusing to let it come to a conclusion. Instead, I listened to the men’s voices outside, muted by the car walls. And then she crashes and gives herself whiplash anyway. quote:Well, at least this made some sense—if you had a twisted sense of humor. Who did you borrow this from? quote:Ha ha. Because I was so fragilely human, so accident-prone, so much a victim to my own dangerous bad luck, apparently I needed a tank-resistant car to keep me safe. Hilarious. I was sure he and his brothers had enjoyed the joke quite a bit behind my back. It's better than his previous methods of going overboard, like kidnapping. Probably has a GPS tag on it though. quote:I sighed. I'd still be afraid of her totaling it even after getting her vampire reflexes. quote:“Hey,” the tall man called, cupping his hands to the glass in an effort to peer in. “We’re done now. Thanks a lot!” Lest we forget, we last left Jacob flipping out and disappearing because he was told of Bella and Edward's impending wedding...despite having been fine with it two chapters previously...and having established himself as a nasty manipulator and sexual predator. quote:The HAVE YOU SEEN THIS BOY? posters were not Jacob’s father’s idea. It had been my father, Charlie, who’d printed up the flyers and spread them all over town. And not just Forks, but Port Angeles and Sequim and Hoquiam and Aberdeen and every other town in the Olympic Peninsula. He’d made sure that all the police stations in the state of Washington had the same flyer hanging on the wall, too. His own station had a whole corkboard dedicated to finding Jacob. A corkboard that was mostly empty, much to his disappointment and frustration. Not like he can run into the woods after him... quote:And he was frustrated with me, for taking Billy’s side. I wouldn’t put up posters, either. And then it just creates this nasty feedback loop of you both being miserable people. quote:Of course, there were drawbacks to it being Saturday. As I turned slowly and carefully onto my street, I could see my dad’s police cruiser in the driveway of our home. He’d skipped fishing again today. Still sulking about the wedding. "Chevy sculpture" isn't the greatest joke in the world, but just any kind of legitimate humor after that last thread pleases me. quote:“Hello?” Seth Clearwater answered, and I sighed in relief. I was way too chicken to speak to his older sister, Leah. The phrase “bite my head off” was not entirely a figure of speech when it came to Leah. Make Seth the protagonist instead. quote:“I know I am.” I hesitated for a minute. “How is he?” He's an illegal immigrant! quote:“Any hint that he might…” I wonder if there's any kind of upper limit on the range the wolves have for their mind link. This guy's thousands of miles away and they still have total access to his mind when they transform. quote:So Jacob knew I was worried. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Well, at least he knew I hadn’t skipped off into the sunset and forgotten him completely. He might have imagined me capable of that. "We need someone who won't be a gloomy rear end in a top hat here." quote:“Tell Edward I said hi, ’kay?” Ah, I see we're swooping right back into "tell, don't show" before the first chapter is halfway done! quote:“Ah,” Seth said, his voice cracking up an octave. “Er, Leah’s home.” Meyer's Mormon background is showing in her not realizing the implications of describing Bella as "barely legal." quote:I walked slowly through the light rain, remembering the night we’d told him.… As we go to the chapter break, can I just say that this really puts William Control's extreme immaturity and incompetence into perspective? A book with writing many times more complex yet manages to say less meaningful and often far worse things, while giving even the barest entertainment value only as a source of mocking its wild absurdity.
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Apr 19, 2020 04:31
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Could Billy not just tell Charlie approximately where Jacob is? Like that he's nowhere near the Olympic Peninsula and has no intention of coming home? Charlie isn't going to deduce that Jacob is constantly broadcasting his thoughts via werewolf mind powers, he's going to deduce that Jacob was near a phone at some point. Or is Seth only bothering to update Bella on that?
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Apr 20, 2020 13:24
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I want a spinoff series where some IRS agent is sent to investigate the absurd displays of ostentatious wealth by the Cullens only to get drawn into the wacky world of vampires and werewolves. *Pulls out blurred photo of a werewolf* "These puppies are sending me out to another town in the boondocks"
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Apr 20, 2020 15:44
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Grammarchist posted:I want a spinoff series where some IRS agent is sent to investigate the absurd displays of ostentatious wealth by the Cullens only to get drawn into the wacky world of vampires and werewolves. I like the idea here that the IRS, and no other government departments, knows about vampires, they just don't care as long as they pay their extremely complicated taxes. One day you get a promotion and a transfer, then you find out that you now work for the vampire forensic accounting department.
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Apr 20, 2020 17:21
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quote:As the sound of Charlie’s cruiser announced his return, the ring suddenly weighed a hundred pounds on my finger. I wanted to shove my left hand in a pocket, or maybe sit on it, but Edward’s cool, firm grasp kept it front and center. "You confessed to a bunch of them when we first started dating!" quote:I listened to the ominous sound of my father’s boots clomping up the sidewalk. The key rattled in the already open door. The sound reminded me of that part of the horror movie when the victim realizes she’s forgotten to lock her deadbolt. She's white, so I'm sure she won't have to worry about that happening when a cop walks through the door. quote:“Hey, Charlie,” Edward called, entirely relaxed. Just in case the timeline is confusing, Bella and Edward have been dating for about 15 months at this point and Charlie thinks they've violently broken up twice during it. quote:“Hey, kids. What’s up?” effervescent quote:“Sure it is, Bella, sure it is. If everything is so great, then why are you sweating bullets?” If only that was all this was. quote:“No! Of course I’m not!” I wanted to elbow Edward in the ribs, but I knew that move would only give me a bruise. I’d told Edward that people would immediately jump to this conclusion! What other possible reason would sane people have for getting married at eighteen? (His answer then had made me roll my eyes. Love. Right.) Did you guys miss Edward's badly written, overwrought dialogue over the last two months? quote:“Charlie, I realize that I’ve gone about this out of order. Traditionally, I should have asked you first. I mean no disrespect, but since Bella has already said yes and I don’t want to diminish her choice in the matter, instead of asking you for her hand, I’m asking you for your blessing. We’re getting married, Charlie. I love her more than anything in the world, more than my own life, and—by some miracle—she loves me that way, too. Will you give us your blessing?” Dating for 15 months, not counting the months of break-up (both real and fictional). Bella disappearing repeatedly, coming home battered and bruised with very questionable excuses for everything, her mental health deteriorating rapidly. And now Edward is asking to marry her. quote:He sounded so sure, so calm. For just an instant, listening to the absolute confidence in his voice, I experienced a rare moment of insight. I could see, fleetingly, the way the world looked to him. For the length of one heartbeat, this news made perfect sense. This is the right reaction. quote:The silence was much longer this time. Then, gradually, shade by shade, Charlie’s color returned to normal. His lips pursed, and his eyebrows furrowed; I recognized his “deep in thought” expression. He studied the two of us for a long moment, and I felt Edward relax at my side. This feels less like acceptance and more like he's realized that there's nothing he can do to make his daughter less crazy. quote:“Getting married, though? What’s the rush?” He eyed me suspiciously again. This poor man. quote:Charlie’s mouth twisted to the side. Looking for an angle to argue from. But what could he say? I’d prefer you live in sin first? He was a dad; his hands were tied. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H47ow4_Cmk0 quote:I looked at Edward for a translation, but Edward had his lips pressed tightly together, like he was trying to hold back laughter himself.
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Apr 20, 2020 18:29
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Apr 20, 2020 18:56
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I wanted Charlie to somehow take out a vampire on his own at some point in the series, but that'll do.
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Apr 20, 2020 19:47
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quote:I paused with my hand on the doorknob, smiling. Sure, at the time, Charlie’s words had terrified me. The ultimate doom: telling Renée. Early marriage was higher up on her blacklist than boiling live puppies. Holy poo poo, Bella. quote:Who could have foreseen her response? Not me. Certainly not Charlie. Maybe Alice, but I hadn’t thought to ask her. Oh, grow up. It's like Meyer put a charm on her that causes her throat to close up when she tries to say naughty things. quote:“Today? Really? That is a surprise. I assumed…” April was the transition month between New Moon and Eclipse, so two months before this is taking place (again, super short timeline). quote:And then she’d said the last thing that I’d ever expected to hear from my mother. Oh, she has no idea. quote:“You’re not… mad? You don’t think I’m making a humongous mistake?” I'm going to assume nobody was filling Renee in on how Charlie was experiencing Bella and Edward's relationship. quote:For the last few weeks, Renée had unexpectedly immersed herself in wedding plans. She’d spent hours every day on the phone with Edward’s mother, Esme—no worries about the in-laws getting along. Renée adored Esme, but then, I doubted anyone could help responding that way to my lovable almost-mother-in-law. I know this is Meyer trying to get us to think Charlie is just being a grouchy old dad, but he is still completely justified in thinking his daughter is bonkers for marrying this guy. quote:“Dad?” I called as I pushed open the front door. “I’m home.” I...did not read this scene as Meyer probably intended me to. quote:“Humph,” Charlie added. This is so bland that I almost missed him wearing a tux while looking over the page. quote:“Now cut that out, Alice. I look like an idiot.” "Please, Bella, just act like an adult for 5 seconds." quote:I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes. Keeping them shut, I stumbled my way up the stairs to my room. I stripped down to my underwear and held my arms straight out. "Cloud-covered city" is a very odd way of describing a cloudy day and instantly made me think of Star Wars. quote:Edward and I were together, and I’d fulfilled my side of our compromise perfectly. I’d married him. That was the big one. But I’d also accepted all his outrageous gifts and was registered, however futilely, to attend Dartmouth College in the fall. Now it was his turn. Yes, Bella is still terminally horny. quote:Here was the thing, though. I knew a little about what I was going to be like when I wasn’t human anymore. I’d seen newborn vampires firsthand, and I’d heard all my family-to-be’s stories about those wild early days. For several years, my biggest personality trait was going to be thirsty. It would take some time before I could be me again. And even when I was in control of myself, I would never feel exactly the way I felt now. I'd say you already have "thirsty" as a personality trait. quote:I wanted the complete experience before I traded in my warm, breakable, pheromone-riddled body for something beautiful, strong… and unknown. I wanted a real honeymoon with Edward. And, despite the danger he feared this would put me in, he’d agreed to try.
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Apr 21, 2020 23:11
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Bella Swann, the most boring protagonist in existence, is somehow comforting in these chaotic times.
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Apr 22, 2020 00:25
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Lord Zedd-Repulsa posted:Bella Swann, the most boring protagonist in existence, is somehow comforting in these chaotic times. It’s almost sweet to see someone reacting to normal life things like “saying you’re engaged” worse than we’re reacting to a global pandemic.
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Apr 22, 2020 00:55
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I have no idea why she's having this extreme reaction to the idea of getting married. It's pathological. She had to close her eyes to go upstairs and get into her dress? She's so *miserable*. Of course this is still so much better than 'Revelator' that I'm almost enjoying it anyway.
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Apr 22, 2020 01:15
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Given Charlie's already well-deserved lamentation about being kept in the dark about literally everything, I'm starting to worry about he'd react to the revelation that a lot of the people in his life are supernatural creatures with body counts. Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if Renee somehow found out about vampires existing and started making her own demands to be turned before she gets any older.
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Apr 22, 2020 01:34
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Grammarchist posted:Given Charlie's already well-deserved lamentation about being kept in the dark about literally everything, I'm starting to worry about he'd react to the revelation that a lot of the people in his life are supernatural creatures with body counts. Charlie does get clued in at the end, and his reaction is basically "Don't tell me anything except exactly what I need to know because I am having no part of this crazy bullshit."
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Apr 22, 2020 01:55
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Bella's whole basis for her aversion to marriage is her mother's pathological hatred and the failure of her own parents' marriage. When she does reveal that she getting married, turns out her mother thinks it's awesome and that she's always thought Bella would need to be married and it's good for her. Charlie seems to be someone not overly scarred by his marriage falling apart and having to care for an elderly family member being used as leverage against him. So it leaves me concluding that Renée was such a selfish caregiver that Bella spent the last 15 years of her life being brought by someone who basically excoriated an institution to the point of giving her daughter a... Something beyond a complex about it, while also expecting her daughter to actually enter into easier institution. Either that or Meyer is a lovely writer who wanted some tension/comedy relief that no normal human would be able to deliver. Or the Mormon thing where a single woman would obviously view marriage as the single most important event in her life even when that life involves university, possible career, immortality, ancient vampire covens plotting to kill her, werewolves, etc.
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Apr 22, 2020 16:17
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Chapter 2: Long Night https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9h2nGtCTK_o quote:“I miss you already.” Her sense of humanity is already dwindling! She's gotten used to kissing a marble statue! quote:I opened my eyes and found his open, too, staring at my face. It made no sense when he looked at me that way. Like I was the prize rather than the outrageously lucky winner. This is the last book. Please have some character development! I'm begging you! quote:Our gazes locked for a moment; his golden eyes were so deep that I imagined I could see all the way into his soul. It seemed silly that this fact—the existence of his soul—had ever been in question, even if he was a vampire. He had the most beautiful soul, more beautiful than his brilliant mind or his incomparable face or his glorious body. Or his "Michelangelo's David" cock. quote:He looked back at me as if he could see my soul, too, and as if he liked what he saw. Okay but you loving know Emmett and Jasper would throw the best bachelor party. quote:This was pretty close to my happy place. Charlie slept obliviously in his room, which was almost as good as being alone. We were curled up on my small bed, intertwined as much as it was possible, considering the thick afghan I was swathed in like a cocoon. I hated the necessity of the blanket, but it sort of ruined the romance when my teeth started chattering. Charlie would notice if I turned the heat on in August.… The power of 5 Gum. quote:He started to pull away—that was his automatic response whenever he decided things had gone too far, his reflex reaction whenever he most wanted to keep going. Edward had spent most of his life rejecting any kind of physical gratification. I knew it was terrifying to him trying to change those habits now. No jeans can withstand the sheer penetration power of a literally rock-hard erection. quote:I thought he would laugh, but he didn’t answer, and his body was motionless with sudden stress. The gold in his eyes seemed to harden from a liquid to a solid. I thought over my words, realized what he would have heard in them. Your dad is downstairs! quote:“Bella…” Return to serial killing? quote:“How are your feet?” he asked. Except for his cock literally bursting from your stomach like a knife because he thrusted slightly too hard. quote:He hesitated, and I wondered if I’d put my foot in my mouth again. gently caress Mike Newton, I guess. quote:I laughed but then was serious. “Edward, we’ve been through this and through this. I know it will be hard, but this is what I want. I want you, and I want you forever. One lifetime is simply not enough for me.” Gasp! An insurmountable barrier that they'll inevitably need to develop past! No sudden revelations could make that irrelevant! quote:“More that there was some way he could have been. That we had that kind of potential. I hate taking that away from you, too.” Find something that gets vampires drunk! quote:“I’m sorry. I am moping, aren’t I? Must be the nerves.” That's like a Mormon F-bomb! quote:“What’s wrong?” They brought the bear keg! quote:I clutched him closer for one second and then released him. I didn’t have a prayer of winning a tug-of-war with Emmett. “Have fun.” I missed these guys when I was dealing with Will. quote:“Go,” I laughed. “Before they break my house.” I see the comically fast-forwarded movements of vampires are still a thing. quote:“Get to sleep. You’ve got a big day tomorrow.” Why couldn't they have been the focus of the story instead? quote:“You’d better not make him late,” I murmured, knowing they could hear. What? That's boring as poo poo! Someone pull this writer off this project, we need someone with vision! quote:I wondered if I would ever be able to sound so cavalier about the “vegetarian” vampire diet.
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Apr 22, 2020 18:00
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Welp, now I can't get the image of the floating vampire kid from Salem's Lot tapping on the window telling you it's time for a kickin' rad bachelor party.
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Apr 22, 2020 19:27
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quote:It was completely silent outside. Charlie’s muffled snores droned through the walls. All right! We're two chapters in but we already have a chance for Bella to worry about the implications of her marriage to a vampire and subsequent transforma-- quote:First there was the wedding dress’s train. Alice clearly had let her artistic sense overpower practicalities on that one. Maneuvering the Cullens’ staircase in heels and a train sounded impossible. I should have practiced. Dresses. quote:Then there was the guest list. The Denali clan, who has never once appeared in this series to this point and has only been occasionally mentioned. quote:It would be touchy to have Tanya’s family in the same room with our guests from the Quileute reservation, Jacob’s father and the Clearwaters. The Denalis were no fans of the werewolves. In fact, Tanya’s sister Irina was not coming to the wedding at all. She still nursed a vendetta against the werewolves for killing her friend Laurent (just as he was about to kill me). Thanks to that grudge, the Denalis had abandoned Edward’s family in their worst hour of need. It had been the unlikely alliance with the Quileute wolves that had saved all our lives when the horde of newborn vampires had attacked.… Would have been great for this to ever be a thing before the last book! quote:That was the big problem, but there was a small problem, too: my fragile self-esteem. This isn't a healthy way to approach this. If you've got someone who's got such poor self-esteem that no amount of proof otherwise will work, making that person instead feel guilty for their feelings will just make them hide it while resenting themselves more for being a burden. quote:Tanya had a big family now, almost as big as the Cullens. There were five of them; Tanya, Kate, and Irina had been joined by Carmen and Eleazar much the same way the Cullens had been joined by Alice and Jasper, all of them bonded by their desire to live more compassionately than normal vampires did. I haven't even met these people and I already find more interest in them just for having suffered some kind of loss that wasn't immediately covered up or rendered moot. quote:Carlisle had explained Tanya’s history during one of the many nights I’d stayed late at the Cullens’ home, learning as much as I could, preparing as much as was possible for the future I’d chosen. Tanya’s mother’s story was one among many, a cautionary tale illustrating just one of the rules I would need to be aware of when I joined the immortal world. Only one rule, actually—one law that broke down into a thousand different facets: Keep the secret. Please just write books about this instead! quote:“I don’t know Tanya’s mother’s name,” Carlisle had admitted, his golden eyes, almost the exact shade of his fair hair, sad with remembering Tanya’s pain. “They never speak of her if they can avoid it, never think of her willingly. Write books about this instead! quote:I’d flinched as I always did at that name, but of course the legion of Italian vampires—royalty in their own estimation—was central to this story. There couldn’t be a law if there was no punishment; there couldn’t be a punishment if there was no one to deliver it. The ancients Aro, Caius, and Marcus ruled the Volturi forces; I’d only met them once, but in that brief encounter, it seemed to me that Aro, with his powerful mind-reading gift—one touch, and he knew every thought a mind had ever held—was the true leader. This is one of those cases where the lack of explanation about the supernatural really doesn't help us. We already know vampires have a supernatural ability to attract humans because they're predators, but why do immortal children have that effect on other vampires? quote:I’d all but forgotten the Denali sisters’ mother when the story returned to her. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_tEbtwPBM8 The films moved this flashback segment to the second part. Even after breaking the book into two movies, there was still far too much content for them to keep Meyer's poor pacing like they did in the previous adaptations. Because the existence of immortal children and their connection to the Denali clan isn't relevant until much later on, it gets saved until it needs to be told to the audience. quote:“Even with Aro’s perfect assurance that Tanya, Kate, and Irina were innocent, Caius wanted them to burn. Guilty by association. They were lucky that Aro felt like being merciful that day. Tanya and her sisters were pardoned, but left with unhealing hearts and a very healthy respect for the law.…” As if...the author wanted to write a flashback but was stuck in first person. quote:The huddle of figures in the center of the field, all shrouded in ashy cloaks, should have terrified me—they could only be Volturi, and I was, against what they’d decreed at our last meeting, still human. But I knew, as I sometimes did in dreams, that I was invisible to them. This is hilarious. Meyer wants to write flashbacks so bad but refuses to ever break POV except for the epilogue in Eclipse. We've gone from the vampires just acting out entire scripts for her in the living room to Bella outright playing the entire flashback in her head for us. quote:I was struck with such a powerful need to save the lovely, terrified child that the Volturi, despite all their devastating menace, no longer mattered to me. I shoved past them, not caring if they realized my presence. Breaking free of them altogether, I sprinted toward the boy.
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Apr 23, 2020 17:57
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I want to read the book about the vampire wars pretty badly. Imagine all the awesome heart rending scenes you could have! It's like there exists a better body of work, and this is the boring romance fanfic.
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Apr 23, 2020 19:23
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The evil vampire children bit is the clunkiest piece of foreshadowing ever, and it's done so hamfistedly. "This clan's coming to the wedding. Oh, and by the way, there used to be another clan member we never mentioned. And she just happened to be one of the reasons vampire children are illegal. Did I mentioned vampire children are illegal? They're really really illegal. Anyway, that clan's coming. Vampire children are illegal."
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Apr 24, 2020 00:16
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hyperhazard posted:The evil vampire children bit is the clunkiest piece of foreshadowing ever, and it's done so hamfistedly. "This clan's coming to the wedding. Oh, and by the way, there used to be another clan member we never mentioned. And she just happened to be one of the reasons vampire children are illegal. Did I mentioned vampire children are illegal? They're really really illegal. Anyway, that clan's coming. Vampire children are illegal." That's probably another reason why the movie put it closer to the end (along with not wanting it in a completely separate film). I just can't believe how bad the Denali clan has been handled. They're a major part of the plot, but never appear in person (except for Tanya appearing in Midnight Sun which was unfinished and never officially released) and we only hear people occasionally mentioning them for two books.
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Apr 24, 2020 01:34
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The exploration of vampire society generally is just massively disappointing. There feels like a lot of potential and some really interesting ideas regarding how vampirism works and how they are forced to structure themselves to survive. And all Meyer wants to write about is teen melodrama. I really do get that take that it's romantic self insert fan fic set in a much richer world. That said based on her general ability I'm not convinced she wouldn't have turned Carlisle's time with the Volturi into one of the female vampires being super into him for a few centuries with chapters of dialogue about preparing for a ball followed by an off scene massacre of a renaissance era Italian army and some reference to Aro scheming to get a new pope appointed. Then 5 chapters of Carlisle feeling awkward at the ball because some vampire chick is totally into him but he knows his one true love is out there somewhere.
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Apr 24, 2020 10:12
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The Twilight Illustrated Guide came out pretty late in the popularity of the books/films and had a lot of information about characters that never appeared in the books, again pointing to Meyer’s ability to come up with some interesting premises but not following through or being so fixated on Ed and Bells she fails to recognize her more exciting ideas. The Bree Tanner novella was meant to go in the illustrated guide but was cut for length. Who’s Bree? A background throwaway character and her story focuses on? Yep, a love triangle.
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Apr 24, 2020 13:35
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Chapter 3: Big Dayquote:My own eyes flew open. Eh, I'm sure it won't matter. There's no way the author would keep using the "prophetic dream in someone who doesn't have magical powers" trope for four books in a row. quote:Eager to shake off the nightmare, I got dressed and headed down to the kitchen long before I needed to. First I cleaned the already tidy rooms, and then when Charlie was up I made him pancakes. I was much too keyed up to have any interest in eating breakfast myself—I sat bouncing in my seat while he ate. They're going to have to tie her down to keep her from attempting to stab herself out of misery at being forced to wear a wedding dress for an hour. quote:Charlie nodded thoughtfully, conceding that he did have the lesser ordeal. I ducked in to kiss the top of his head as I passed—he blushed and harrumphed—and then continued on to get the door for my best girlfriend and soon-to-be sister. "Only I'm allowed to do that!" quote:“Almost.” She glowered. “I’ve only allotted so much time to make you stunning, Bella—you might have taken better care of my raw material.”  quote:“At least you’ll have plenty of time to sleep on the plane tomorrow.” Bella has incredibly strong "Ravish me!" energy for someone who unironically thinks khaki skirts are good. quote:Alice realized that she’d given something away, and she frowned. Just wait until you see what Alice packed her. quote:I glowered groggily out the windshield until we were almost to the house. Alice just has the exact same set of decorations that she takes in a separate U-Haul between every new home. quote:“Waste not, want not. Enjoy this, because you don’t get to see the inside decorations until it’s time.” She pulled into the cavernous garage north of the main house; Emmett’s big Jeep was still gone. If it was overpowering for a human, wouldn't it be enough to knock a vampire unconscious since they have such a strong sense of smell? Alice should be having the opposite problem: she can't tell that nobody can smell it but the Cullens. quote:She didn’t uncover my eyes until we were in her oversized bathroom. I stared at the long counter, covered in all the paraphernalia of a beauty salon, and began to feel my sleepless night. Nobody even called her plain except her! She had half the drat school obsessed with her on day one! quote:“Only because they’re afraid you’ll suck their blood,” I muttered. I leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes, hoping I’d be able to nap through it. I did drift in and out a little bit while she masked, buffed, and polished every surface of my body. I see it's going to be completely impossible for Bella to gain any character development or self-esteem without becoming a vampire. quote:“They’re back,” Rosalie said, and immediately my childish fit of despair passed. Edward was home. I have a special hatred for this passage in particular. To any reasonable person, Rosalie is absolutely in the right. The last book featured Bella getting paraded in front of everyone telling her that becoming a vampire was a mistake and that her family has very real traumas related to their transformations. She's the only one of them who actually had the right to choose, and she's throwing away what many of them consider to be all the joys of living so she can stay with her boyfriend for longer than a human lifespan. But as anyone who read these books knows, we get our happy ending. Bella throws everything back in their faces, and all of them have to just nod their heads and say "Yes, your love is more important. I agree." So what's even the point of having this here when Meyer knows where she wants the story to go? The only meaning I can take from it is "Rosalie's trauma doesn't matter. She will hold her head high and be perfectly polite, because Bella's love is the most important thing in this book." quote:“Sure,” Alice said easily. “You can start braiding. I want it intricate. The veil goes here, underneath.” Her hands started combing through my hair, hefting it, twisting it, illustrating in detail what she wanted. When she was done, Rosalie’s hands replaced hers, shaping my hair with a feather-light touch. Alice moved back to my face. Bella is going to spontaneously combust. quote:I concentrated on my breathing, counting each movement of my lungs, and stared at the patterns that the bathroom light made on the shiny fabric of my skirt. I was afraid to look in the mirror—afraid the image of myself in the wedding dress would send me over the edge into a full-scale panic attack.  The filmmakers wanted to reflect the time period in which each vampire lived their mortal lives with their costumes. As Alice was born in 1901 and institutionalized in 1920, she gets a flapper-style silk dress decorated with seed beads and feathers. Jasper's tuxedo likewise includes a double-breasted waistcoat befitting of the Victorian period, though it otherwise has a modern cut to keep him from looking ridiculous and Carlisle doesn't even try. quote:“Alice—wow.” Now you're mad that you can't be miserable? quote:“Oh, Bella!” she squealed now, gushing before she was all the way through the door. “Oh, honey, you’re so beautiful! Oh, I’m going to cry! Alice, you’re amazing! You and Esme should go into business as wedding planners. Where did you find this dress? It’s gorgeous! So graceful, so elegant. Bella, you look like you just stepped out of an Austen movie.” My mother’s voice sounded a little distance away, and everything in the room was slightly blurry. “Such a creative idea, designing the theme around Bella’s ring. So romantic! To think it’s been in Edward’s family since the eighteen hundreds!” "Haha, isn't Renee so charmingly stupid?" quote:There was a loud, gruff throat-clearing in the doorway.  The comb was sold for a wild $4000 at auction. Being costume jewelry, it's a base metal with glass diamonds and sapphires. quote:My throat got all thick. “Mom, Dad… you shouldn’t have.” This would be a way better book if they played up the vampire jokes more. quote:Alice stepped up and quickly slid both combs into my hair under the edge of the thick braids. “That’s something old and something blue,” Alice mused, taking a few steps back to admire me. “And your dress is new… so here—” ...did you wash this first? quote:“There,” Alice said with satisfaction. “A little color—that’s all you needed. You are officially perfect.” With a little self-congratulatory smile, she turned to my parents. “Renée, you need to get downstairs.” Is Meyer putting slash fic fuel in her books on purpose at this point or is she just that oblivious to the tone? quote:She was back on her feet before Charlie returned with the two frothy white bouquets. The scent of roses and orange blossom and freesia enveloped me in a soft mist. Bella's biggest fear is cliche music. quote:“Easy, Bells,” Charlie said. He turned to Alice nervously. “She looks a little sick. Do you think she’s going to make it?” This is now getting awkward to read. quote:The music slowly morphed into a new song. Charlie nudged me. “Bells, we’re up to bat.” I actually can't remember the last wedding I went to that unironically played Wagner's "Bridal Chorus." quote:“It’s my turn,” Alice chimed. “Count to five and follow me.” She began a slow, graceful dance down the staircase. I should have realized that having Alice as my only bridesmaid was a mistake. I would look that much more uncoordinated coming behind her. When we got to the wedding, I was hoping the tone Meyer went for wouldn't be "embarrassing." quote:I was barely conscious that Carlisle stood by his side, and Angela’s father behind them both. I didn’t see my mother where she must have been sitting in the front row, or my new family, or any of the guests—they would have to wait till later. Like, Bella's level of freak-out here is downright uncomfortable with how bad she is at this. quote:Our vows were the simple, traditional words that had been spoken a million times, though never by a couple quite like us. We’d asked Mr. Weber to make only one small change. He obligingly traded the line “till death do us part” for the more appropriate “as long as we both shall live.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IelhpK-eDh0 Kristen Stewart somehow manages to keep the exact amount of discomfort Bella has in the books and it emphasizes how awful this is. quote:“I do,” I managed to choke out in a nearly unintelligible whisper, blinking my eyes clear so I could see his face. Remember kids: tradition is always the right way! You'll always feel silly about not wanting to follow it once it happens! quote:He kissed me tenderly, adoringly; I forgot the crowd, the place, the time, the reason… only remembering that he loved me, that he wanted me, that I was his. Bella almost jumped this man's marbles right here. quote:The crowd erupted into applause, and he turned our bodies to face our friends and family. I couldn’t look away from his face to see them. chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 21:21 on Apr 24, 2020 |
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Apr 24, 2020 21:15
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MrNemo posted:The exploration of vampire society generally is just massively disappointing. There feels like a lot of potential and some really interesting ideas regarding how vampirism works and how they are forced to structure themselves to survive. And all Meyer wants to write about is teen melodrama. I really do get that take that it's romantic self insert fan fic set in a much richer world. quote:It was after lunchtime when Rosalie glided past the bathroom door in a shimmery silver gown with her golden hair piled up in a soft crown on top of her head. She was so beautiful it made me want to cry. What was even the point of dressing up with Rosalie around? She does remember the last time Rosalie wore a wedding dress, right? It seems incredibly self-centered to worry about Rosalie out-shinning her, when the entire thing must remind Rosalie of her gang rape and murder. hyperhazard fucked around with this message at 21:49 on Apr 24, 2020 |
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Apr 24, 2020 21:30
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quote:the profusion of white blossoms that hung in garlands from everything in the room that wasn’t alive, dripping with long lines of white gossamer ribbons Edward stood at the altar, his expensive suit barely visible beneath the festoons of white flowers, a bouquet hung from each ear like petaled comets trailing ribbon tails. He was dazzling.
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Apr 24, 2020 23:11
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Perfect.
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Apr 25, 2020 09:44
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It’s been a long time since I read the actual wedding scene. I try to not make assumptions about an author’s personal life on a first read, but seeing it again years later and. Well.  This chapter is one of the better-written ones, that’s for certain.
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Apr 25, 2020 13:21
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I'm just side eyeing at both Alice and Rosalie wearing long silvery white gowns to someone else's wedding. I can see Rose doing it to be a bitch, but I thought better of Alice!
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Apr 25, 2020 14:54
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MorgaineDax posted:I'm just side eyeing at both Alice and Rosalie wearing long silvery white gowns to someone else's wedding. I can see Rose doing it to be a bitch, but I thought better of Alice! Wouldn't be surprised if it's a Mormon thing.
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Apr 25, 2020 17:30
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Chapter 4: Gesturequote:The wedding flowed into the reception party smoothly—proof of Alice’s flawless planning. It was just twilight over the river; the ceremony had lasted exactly the right amount of time, allowing the sun to set behind the trees. The lights in the trees glimmered as Edward led me through the glass back doors, making the white flowers glow. There were another ten thousand flowers out here, serving as a fragrant, airy tent over the dance floor set up on the grass under two of the ancient cedars.  quote:When I looked at Jacob’s father, I always felt like I was seeing two people rather than just one. There was the old man in the wheelchair with the lined face and the white smile that everyone else saw. And then there was the direct descendant of a long line of powerful, magical chieftains, cloaked in the authority he’d been born with. Though the magic had—in the absence of a catalyst—skipped his generation, Billy was still a part of the power and the legend. It flowed straight through him. It flowed to his son, the heir to the magic, who had turned his back on it. That left Sam Uley to act as the chief of legends and magic now.… Hasn't Billy been one of the nicest Quileute regarding the vampires though? quote:I knew it wasn’t easy for him to restrain his feelings, considering the challenge this event foreshadowed to the ancient treaty between the Cullens and the Quileutes—the treaty that prohibited the Cullens from ever creating another vampire. The wolves knew a breach was coming, but the Cullens had no idea how they would react. Before the alliance, it would have meant an immediate attack. A war. But now that they knew each other better, would there be forgiveness instead? The battle between "The werewolves who are reasonable people" and "The werewolves who exist in a permanent state of rage." quote:As if in response to that thought, Seth leaned toward Edward, arms extended. Edward returned the hug with his free arm. I almost forgot they were dating once! quote:Behind my human friends were my new cousins-in-law, the Denali vampire clan. I realized I was holding my breath as the vampire in front—Tanya, I assumed from the strawberry tint in her blond curls—reached out to embrace Edward. Next to her, three other vampires with golden eyes stared at me with open curiosity. One woman had long, pale blond hair, straight as corn silk. The other woman and the man beside her were both black-haired, with a hint of an olive tone to their chalky complexions.  Tanya was played by MyAnna Buring, a Swedish-born British actress (her birth name is Anna Margaretha My Rantapää), who had previously got her throat ripped out as Sam in The Descent and recently appeared as Tissaia de Vries on The Witcher Netflix series and Detective Helen Weeks on In the Dark. quote:Tanya was still holding Edward. “Ah, Edward,” she said. “I’ve missed you.” ....your Bella? quote:Tanya was every bit as lovely as my worst nightmares had predicted. She eyed me with a look that was much more speculative than it was resigned, and then reached out to take my hand. "We would have liked to be present in the plot sooner, but the writer just couldn't handle any more complexity." quote:“Of course,” I said breathlessly. “It’s so nice to meet you.”  Kate was played by Casey LaBow, a minor actress even today who had to audition five times before getting cast. She would appear as Maggie Bunker in seven episodes of Banshee and as Cali in Free The Nipple but has no credits since 2016. quote:The dark-haired woman put her hand on top of Kate’s. “I’m Carmen, this is Eleazar. We’re all so very pleased to finally meet you.”  Our only brunette, Carmen, was played by Argentinian actress Mía Maestro. She played Nadia Santos, Sydney Bristow's half-sister in Alias, Cristina Kahlo in Frida, and Dr. Nora Martinez on The Strain. She's also an independent singer-songwriter and trained dancer! quote:Tanya glanced at the people waiting behind her—Charlie’s deputy, Mark, and his wife. Their eyes were huge as they took in the Denali clan. I want to imagine he literally spat it out at Mike. quote:And when the music started, Edward pulled me into his arms for the customary first dance; I went willingly, despite my fear of dancing—especially dancing in front of an audience—just happy to have him holding me. He did all the work, and I twirled effortlessly under the glow of a canopy of lights and the bright flashes from the cameras. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Yvg2juCjK4 In one of the very few parts of the films that's actually worth watching, the writer and director of Part 1 decided to embrace the awkwardness and replace Bella's hand-wringing over pretty vampires with a series of incredible wedding speeches that poke fun at the plot, writing, casting, costuming, etc. quote:“Enjoying the party, Mrs. Cullen?” he whispered in my ear. It's like being back in high school! quote:“I’m going to miss you at home, Bella. I’m already lonely.” Is she trying to use vampirism as a metaphor for moving out or does she really have no idea how callous and selfish her protagonist comes off with Charlie? quote:It seemed like I danced with everyone. It was good to see all my old friends, but I really wanted to be with Edward more than anything else. I was happy when he finally cut in, just half a minute after a new dance started. Mike no longer exists for any reason except as the butt of a joke, all for the crime of "not being the hot supernatural love interest." quote:“Yeah, right.” Bella would have smashed it and used the shards to slit her wrist. quote:“You are very biased, you know.” She never thought she was pretty whenever she looked at herself and only thought she was worse next to the vampires. Now as soon as she puts on a wedding dress, she looks perfect! quote:Before I could blink and make the beauty turn back into me, Edward suddenly stiffened and turned automatically in the other direction, as if someone had called his name. Did he even wear a suit? quote:My hand flew up to my throat, and if Edward hadn’t been holding me I would have collapsed. Well, at least that hasn't changed. quote:“Jacob!” I choked as soon as I could breathe. “Jacob!” chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 07:36 on Apr 26, 2020 |
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Apr 26, 2020 07:28
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I choose to believe Jacob just walked into a fancy wedding reception wearing nothing but shorts and smelling of wet dog.
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Apr 27, 2020 19:10
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quote:I stumbled toward the sound of his voice. Edward kept his grip under my elbow until another set of strong hands caught me in the darkness. The heat from Jacob’s skin burned right through the thin satin dress as he pulled me close. He made no effort to dance; he just hugged me while I buried my face in his chest. He leaned down to press his cheek to the top of my head. His clothing is not described but his skin is certainly hot, so I think Grammarchist could be right! quote:“Rosalie won’t forgive me if she doesn’t get her official turn on the dance floor,” Edward murmured, and I knew he was leaving us, giving me a gift of his own—this moment with Jacob. "Now we can add all the drama this wedding was missing!" quote:He snorted. “Yeah—the party can start. The best man finally made it.” I...did not miss this. quote:I glanced toward the guests, but I couldn’t see through the dancers to the spot where I’d last seen Jacob’s father. I didn’t know if he’d stayed. “Does Billy know you’re here?” As soon as I asked, I knew that he must have—it was the only way to explain his uplifted expression before. Turbo Assault! quote:We moved to the rhythm of his heart under my hand. I feel like his BPM must be pretty high here. quote:“I’m glad I came,” Jacob said quietly after a moment. “I didn’t think I would be. But it’s good to see you… one more time. Not as sad as I’d thought it would be.” I was fine with you just not being here. quote:My eyes were adjusting, and I could see his face now, higher up than I expected. Was it possible that he was still growing? He had to be closer to seven feet than to six. It was a relief to see his familiar features again after all this time—his deep-set eyes shadowed under his shaggy black brows, his high cheekbones, his full lips stretched over his bright teeth in the sarcastic smile that matched his tone. His eyes were tight around the edges—careful; I could see that he was being very careful tonight. He was doing all he could to make me happy, to not slip and show how much this cost him. You can't just have a guy be terrible and then say he's a great friend Right now Jacob isn't being some super awesome guy. He's putting all of his focus and discipline on meeting the bare minimum standard here. quote:“When did you decide to come back?” When was this established? I don't remember Jacob having superhuman vision or hearing in human form before. quote:“You cut your hair,” I noted. Yes, now is when Jacob canonically gets the short hair that New Moon's film put him in! quote:“It looks good,” I lied. "He's much less rapey." quote:“He’s a good kid. Better company than some. I tell you, if I could get rid of the voices in my head, being a wolf would be about perfect.” ....is this, like, a canon acknowledgement of Bella being severely mentally ill? This is a really casual drop or a really bad joke! quote:“Insanity is probably easier than sharing a pack mind. Crazy people’s voices don’t send babysitters to watch them.” It is really worrying if all of your friends have to stand guard outside the party to keep you from throwing a tantrum and destroying everything! quote:“That’s a tall order.” No he shouldn't. quote:“Well, maybe I’m being oversensitive. Maybe they’d be here anyway, to keep an eye on Seth. There are a lot of vampires here. Seth doesn’t take that as seriously as he should.” Especially if the rest of the pack is watching him so he doesn't flip out! quote:“Sorry about those voices,” I said. “Wish I could make it better.” In so many ways. Uhhhhhh quote:“It’s not that bad. I’m just whining a little.” "I almost passed out and refused to even look at the dress from a pathological hatred of marriage!" quote:He laughed and then stared over my head. With pursed lips, he studied the shimmering glow of the reception party, the graceful whirl of the dancers, the fluttering petals falling from the garlands; I looked with him. It all seemed very distant from this black, quiet space. Almost like watching the white flurries swirling inside a snow globe. "She would literally kill her family if they didn't let her do this." quote:He sighed. “Song’s over. Do you think I get another one? Or is that asking too much?” This book really needs to stop accidentally foreshadowing that turning into a vampire is a mistake if it's not going to commit. quote:“I’m going to try to remember you like this. Pretend that…” As she shattered every bone in her foot instantly. quote:He started to say something else and then snapped his mouth closed. Struggling again, teeth gritted against the words he didn’t want to say. Skipping how Bella's friendship with Jacob originated as what's basically low-level Lima Syndrome, this is where the epilogue from Jacob's perspective in Eclipse really would have helped. Meyer would have also had to not write Jacob as an aggressive sexual predator, but what little we saw from his perspective (like how the scent of vampires triggers an instinctive "rip and tear" reaction) would have served greatly to flesh out the Quileute perspective. Instead, we're almost meant to see Jacob as unreasonable and connect his problems with Bella's impending transformation with jealousy instead of any practical or moral standpoint. quote:“What is it, Jake? Just tell me. You can tell me anything.” And yes, this is definitely a virginity metaphor still. quote:A new song started playing, but he didn’t notice the change this time. Jacob must be a terrible lover. quote:“Kidding, Bells. But, honestly, I don’t see the point. You can’t have a real honeymoon with your vampire, so why go through the motions? Call a spade a spade. This isn’t the first time you’ve put this off. That’s a good thing, though,” he said, suddenly earnest. “Don’t be embarrassed about it.” First, Meyer once again shows her background by equating a honeymoon with deflowering. Second, I know Jacob is supposed to be seen as interfering in the virginity and marriage metaphor here but he's absolutely right. Every time Meyer tries to associate her supernatural romance drama with her own beliefs or opinions, it tends to clash badly with the reality of the fictional world. This is equivalent to your best friend telling you that her goal is to get hosed by an industrial pile driver. quote:His enormous hands gripped the tops of my arms, wrapping all the way around, fingers overlapping. Yeah, focus your rage on the guy with a marble cock and enough strength to puncture body armor! quote:Jacob’s hands dropped to his sides, and the sudden gush of blood through my waiting veins was almost painful. Before I could register more than that, cold hands replaced the hot ones, and the air was suddenly whooshing past me. Ah, the Red Wedding has begun! quote:The biggest wolf, the black one, growled sharply. So where was this all taking place? Nobody else has intervened. quote:The other wolf stared after them. I wasn’t sure, in the weak light, about the color of his fur—chocolate brown, maybe? Was it Quil, then? Sure as hell ain't Paul. That man's a public health hazard on a good day. quote:“I’m sorry,” I whispered to the wolf. Literally terminal horny. quote:“Don’t worry.” He touched my face. “We need to get back to the reception before someone notices our absence.” No it wasn't! You had a guy (who may or may not have been wearing a shirt) threatening to kill the groom while two wolves the size of Clydesdales and a gangly teenager dragged him away. How the hell could anyone miss that, shadows or not? quote:“Give me two seconds,” I pleaded. How huge is this property and reception that this whole thing could have happened completely out of sight or earshot of any guests but two vampires with superhuman hearing and vision? quote:“Are you—” Debatable. quote:I’d been so glad to see Jacob here. I knew the sacrifice it had taken him. And then I’d ruined it, turned his gift into a disaster. I should be quarantined. Eyyyyyyyy! quote:But my idiocy would not ruin anything else tonight. I would put this away, shove it in a drawer and lock it up to deal with later. There would be plenty of time to flagellate myself for this, and nothing I could do now would help. Sex with Edward probably counts as self-flagellation. Or potentially "a crime of passion" when the CSI guys arrive. quote:“It’s over,” I said. “Let’s not think of it again tonight.” Prejudiced in favor of not having a single thrust shatter Bella's pelvis. quote:He mumbled something low that sounded almost like “should let him kill me for even thinking…” Yes, Edward will keep up this dramatic moping even after they successfully bone quote:“You’re monopolizing the bride,” Emmett said, coming up behind Edward’s shoulder. “Let me dance with my little sister. This could be my last chance to make her blush.” He laughed loudly, as unaffected as he usually was by any serious atmosphere. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3-cN9Bhxls The film solves the problem by having the encounter take place completely apart from the dance floor. Instead of Edward simply twirling her into a dark corner of the reception, they go all the way to the other side of the property. quote:“I could get used to this,” I said. Knowing Edward's driving, Alice probably timed it so he has 30 minutes to drive to Seattle-Tacoma. quote:Edward turned his face slightly to murmur, “Go away, Alice,” and then pressed his lips to mine again. Alice is weird. quote:I tugged against her hold, stretching up on my toes to kiss him one more time. She jerked my arm impatiently, hauling me away from him. There were a few chuckles from the watching guests. I gave up then and let her lead me into the empty house. "Marrying into this quote:That thawed her out; she smiled a huge smile. “I’m glad you liked it.” Mike tries to tell everyone that actually Forks doesn't get more rain than average and is normally pretty pleasant, resulting in Emmett and Jasper brutally beating him to a pulp on the dance floor as the guests cheer. quote:“Everything’s ready,” Alice said. “Your suitcases are in the car—Jasper’s bringing it around.” She pulled me back toward the stairs with Renée following, still halfway embracing me. Charlie doesn't deserve any of this. quote:I kissed his cheek at the same time that he kissed mine. Alice comes out to remind them to pack the post-sex surgical kit. quote:Everyone applauded when Edward kissed me on the doorstep. Then he rushed me to the car as the rice storm began. Most of it went wide, but someone, probably Emmett, threw with uncanny precision, and I caught a lot of the ricochets off Edward’s back. Emmett just full-force hurling rice as hard as he can. quote:The car was decorated with more flowers that trailed in streamers along its length, and long gossamer ribbons that were tied to a dozen shoes—designer shoes that looked brand-new—dangling behind the bumper. Alice! That's just wasteful! quote:Edward shielded me from the rice while I climbed in, and then he was in and we were speeding away as I waved out the window and called “I love you” to the porch, where my families waved back.
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Apr 27, 2020 23:16
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Thousands of dollars of shoes on the back bumper. I wonder if they’re Alice‘s, who’s said to wear things once and has a massive closet full of clothes. So new money you could heave.
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Apr 28, 2020 00:50
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Jacob's reaction really comes out of nowhere. I think Meyer meant for it to be some sort of dramatic irony, since he ends up imprinting on Bella and Edward's kid  , but it comes out of nowhere. Rough sex is by far the least dangerous thing Bella has done in the entire series. (Spoilered in case anyone is blessedly unaware of how the love triangle resolves itself)
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Apr 28, 2020 03:12
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hyperhazard posted:Jacob's reaction really comes out of nowhere. I think Meyer meant for it to be some sort of dramatic irony, since he ends up imprinting on Bella and Edward's kid In this case, the problem is less "rough sex" and more "Bella needs to rely on her husband, who is strong enough to lift a car and whose penis is literally a rock-hard shaft, will maintain perfect control while losing his virginity to the human he has an extreme desire for and not accidentally pulverize her lower body with one thrust."
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Apr 28, 2020 03:23
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