UKMT May 2020 - Let them eat Nando's - The Something Awful Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > UKMT May 2020 - Let them eat Nando's

Angepain: Jul 13, 2012; what keeps happening to my clothes

EvilHawk posted:

Could someone explain how I should be acting when we're at a 4.1 compared to a 3.9? Should I tut if I see my neighbours in their front garden instead of their back?

finally my teenage years reading pitchfork have brought about some benefit. 4.1 equates to 8.2 on a 0-10 scale, meaning the virus is about as powerful as Maddona's debut or a Pixies live album. 3.9 maps onto roughly the last Charli XCX album or the point where I stopped liking Do Make Say Think. I think the real time to panic is when it gets to the point when the virus would, if an album, reach the lauded point of Best New Music at about a 4.25 on the coronavirus scale. The virus at that point is all killer, no filler, and may do very interesting things with dubstep rhythms. Roughly we should adjust policy and social behaviour with a view to getting the virus to be about as affective as say, Miley Cyrus and Her Dead Petz for at least a two-month period. I believe that should answer all your questions.

e: 5.1 will be the point we reach on the alertness scale at around August probably

Angepain fucked around with this message at 20:27 on May 10, 2020

# ? May 10, 2020 20:20

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# ? May 24, 2024 20:00

DesperateDan: Dec 10, 2005; Where's my cow?

Is that my cow?

No it isn't, but it still tramples my bloody lavender.

If the alert system hasn't got a BIKINI STATE then I'm not interested tbh

# ? May 10, 2020 20:22

Lobster God: Nov 5, 2008

DesperateDan posted:

If the alert system hasn't got a BIKINI STATE then I'm not interested tbh

BIKINI BLACK SPECIAL was always my favourite

# ? May 10, 2020 20:27

kingturnip: Apr 18, 2008

Boris just nailed the UK on for 100k+ deaths by the end of the year.

Maybe he's trying to beat David Cameron's high score?

# ? May 10, 2020 20:27

Sad Panda: Sep 22, 2004; I'm a Sad Panda.

thespaceinvader posted:

Did he specify anythign about schools?

Because if they force schools to open things are gonna kick off like wow.

He said...

Earliest of June 1st hopefully start to open primary schools and shops. Primary schools will start with reception, year 1 and year 6.

Ambition that 'secondary pupils facing exams next year' (year 10 & 12) 'will get at least some time with their teachers before the holidays'.

So I took from that that y7-9 won't be going back until September.

Given the few students that are in at my high school are struggling to socially distance when there is only 4-5 in each year in, the idea that reception or year 1 students can socially distance is an absolute joke. I get the desire for year 6 to get some closure from primary school, say goodbye to friends and do something to help with what is a really hard transition to secondary.

Pushing for reception and year 1 to go back is absolutely insane and I can only think that it is because it will allow parents to go to work. It is not about the safety of the children.

# ? May 10, 2020 20:30

Cerv: Sep 14, 2004; This is a silly post with little news value.

20.12 received panicked all-company email from the COO telling us all not to come into the office tomorrow.
Announcing this confused message on a Sunday evening was a stroke of genius.

# ? May 10, 2020 20:31

OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

Conservative government any% deaths TAS 2020 [WR]

# ? May 10, 2020 20:32

sinky: Feb 22, 2011; Slippery Tilde

Tory assisted speedrun

# ? May 10, 2020 20:34

XMNN: Apr 26, 2008; I am incredibly stupid

XMNN posted:

let me spend several minutes discoursing on R like I know what the gently caress I'm talking about, stress how important it is that R is below 1, explain that R is probably just below 1, and then relax the measures that are currently lowering R

not that there's any particular reason to doubt it, but this isn't hyperbole

Butcher Boris posted:

And last, we must make sure that any measures we take do not force the reproduction rate of the disease - the R - back up over one, so that we have the kind of exponential growth we were facing a few weeks ago.

And to chart our progress and to avoid going back to square one, we are establishing a new Covid Alert System run by a new Joint Biosecurity Centre.

And that Covid Alert Level will be determined primarily by R and the number of coronavirus cases.

And in turn that Covid Alert Level will tell us how tough we have to be in our social distancing measures – the lower the level the fewer the measures.

The higher the level, the tougher and stricter we will have to be.

There will be five alert levels.

Level One means the disease is no longer present in the UK and Level Five is the most critical – the kind of situation we could have had if the NHS had been overwhelmed.

Over the period of the lockdown we have been in Level Four, and it is thanks to your sacrifice we are now in a position to begin to move in steps to Level Three.

And as we go everyone will have a role to play in keeping the R down.

By staying alert and following the rules.

And to keep pushing the number of infections down there are two more things we must do.

We must reverse rapidly the awful epidemics in care homes and in the NHS, and though the numbers are coming down sharply now, there is plainly much more to be done.

And if we are to control this virus, then we must have a world-beating system for testing potential victims, and for tracing their contacts.

So that – all told - we are testing literally hundreds of thousands of people every day.

We have made fast progress on testing – but there is so much more to do now, and we can.

When this began, we hadn’t seen this disease before, and we didn’t fully understand its effects.

With every day we are getting more and more data.

We are shining the light of science on this invisible killer, and we will pick it up where it strikes.

Because our new system will be able in time to detect local flare-ups – in your area – as well as giving us a national picture.

And yet when I look at where we are tonight, we have the R below one, between 0.5 and 0.9 – but potentially only just below one.

And though we have made progress in satisfying at least some of the conditions I have given.

We have by no means fulfilled all of them.

And so no, this is not the time simply to end the lockdown this week.

Instead we are taking the first careful steps to modify our measures.

And the first step is a change of emphasis that we hope that people will act on this week.

We said that you should work from home if you can, and only go to work if you must.

the number is possibly just below 1, so how can they be remotely confident this isn't going to take it above 1 until people who will potentially be infected in the next few weeks have been tested

also loving lmao at describing briefing that the lockdown is going to be lifted, then briefing that it's not going to be lifted, then briefing that we will be asked to stay alert but not at home, then briefing that we will be asked to stay alert which actually means staying at home, then announcing that everyone has to go back to work at 7 pm on Sunday, as "careful steps"

XMNN fucked around with this message at 20:38 on May 10, 2020

# ? May 10, 2020 20:34

LeafyGreens: May 9, 2009; the elegant cephalopod

Does anyone have a summary of the leaked labour report to hand?

I know it�s going back a bit but a friend is asking and I can�t find anything besides articles dismissing it

# ? May 10, 2020 20:35

Aphex-: Jan 29, 2006; Dinosaur Gum

# ? May 10, 2020 20:36

OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

Octolady posted:

Does anyone have a summary of the leaked labour report to hand?

I know it�s going back a bit but a friend is asking and I can�t find anything besides articles dismissing it

Novara had a decent article on it I think.

E: Novara seems to have a lot of articles on it, actually :v:

https://novaramedia.com/2020/04/12/its-going-to-be-a-long-night-how-members-of-labours-senior-management-campaigned-to-lose/

OwlFancier fucked around with this message at 20:40 on May 10, 2020

# ? May 10, 2020 20:37

njsykora: Jan 23, 2012; Robots confuse squirrels.

OwlFancier posted:

Novara had a decent article on it I think.

E: Novara seems to have a lot of articles on it, actually

https://novaramedia.com/2020/04/12/its-going-to-be-a-long-night-how-members-of-labours-senior-management-campaigned-to-lose/

Novara were the ones who initially reported on it.

# ? May 10, 2020 20:41

bionic vapour boy: Feb 13, 2012; Impervious to fun.

Last I was told my warehouse won't even discuss reopening until June 1 but the work social network is already filling with loving bootlickers asking if we can please please reopen early since construction sites are staying open.

Feel a bit sick. Tradies won't even pay attention to barriers I put up when I'm driving a forklift down an aisle I don't expect them to give half a gently caress about social distancing :gonk:

# ? May 10, 2020 20:42

LeafyGreens: May 9, 2009; the elegant cephalopod

OwlFancier posted:

Novara had a decent article on it I think.

E: Novara seems to have a lot of articles on it, actually

https://novaramedia.com/2020/04/12/its-going-to-be-a-long-night-how-members-of-labours-senior-management-campaigned-to-lose/

This is great, thank you!

# ? May 10, 2020 20:44

josh04: Oct 19, 2008; "THE FLASH IS THE REASON
TO RACE TO THE THEATRES"
_{This title contains sponsored content.}

Family member who works in construction was recalled from furlough at the beginning of last week and told to plod into central London. He did, was immediately exposed to someone who tested positive the next day, and is now halfway through a 14-day isolation. So exciting news that more of this is being encouraged!

# ? May 10, 2020 20:45

Blasmeister: Jan 15, 2012; 2Time TRP Sack Race Champion

At least announcing nothing in a really stupid way Is better than implementing full steam ahead grease the wheels of the economy with the blood of the poor like the papers and Javid and co wanted. Small blessings

# ? May 10, 2020 20:46

sebzilla: Mar 17, 2009; Kid's blasting everything in sight with that new-fangled musket.

Darth Walrus posted:

https://twitter.com/archimbaldo/status/1259542740691496962?s=21

https://twitter.com/Archimbaldo/status/1259544201584414722?s=19

# ? May 10, 2020 20:47

Butternubs: Feb 15, 2012

Boris the butcher.

# ? May 10, 2020 20:47

Jaeluni Asjil: Apr 18, 2018; Sorry I thought you were a landlord when I gave you your old avatar!

Most copies of the full leaked labour report have disappeared offline but right now you can download it from here:

https://static.miraheze.org/campaignlabwiki/a/a8/200329-Labour-Report-Final.pdf

# ? May 10, 2020 20:49

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Ms Adequate posted:

every day is the result of dipshit schemes piling into each other.

I like this.

I mean I don't I actually hate it, but I like this way of phrasing it a lot.

# ? May 10, 2020 20:51

forkboy84: Jun 13, 2012; Corgis love bread. And Puro

Darth Walrus posted:

https://twitter.com/zarahsultana/status/1259557030336987136?s=21

Zarah Sultana seems to be trying very hard to be the British AOC, and to be honest, she's doing a pretty decent job of it. One to watch.

It seems reductive to say she's trying hard to be AOC. She's a young woman. Let her be Zarah Sultana & hope she doesn't follow the TERF track.

# ? May 10, 2020 20:51

a pipe smoking dog: Jan 25, 2010; "haha, dogs can't smoke!"

Cerv posted:

20.12 received panicked all-company email from the COO telling us all not to come into the office tomorrow.
Announcing this confused message on a Sunday evening was a stroke of genius.

Lol just had the same thing, we're desperately trying to share to all the work whatsapp groups

# ? May 10, 2020 20:54

deletebeepbeepbeep: Nov 12, 2008

Cerv posted:

20.12 received panicked all-company email from the COO telling us all not to come into the office tomorrow.
Announcing this confused message on a Sunday evening was a stroke of genius.

We got this also, probably just as well because I'm sure a few boomers would have turned up and demanded they be let in to the office.

# ? May 10, 2020 20:59

Jedit: Dec 10, 2011; Proudly supporting vanilla legends 1994-2014

Blasmeister posted:

At least announcing nothing in a really stupid way Is better than implementing full steam ahead grease the wheels of the economy with the blood of the poor like the papers and Javid and co wanted. Small blessings

That's what they are doing, though? The only difference is that they've had to fall back on obfuscation instead of going on national loving TV and saying "why don't we just kill a bunch of folks?"

# ? May 10, 2020 21:05

goddamnedtwisto: Dec 31, 2004; If you ask me about the mole people in the London Underground, I WILL be forced to kill you; Fun Shoe

The tube is going to be loving chaos tomorrow.

# ? May 10, 2020 21:08

OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

Gonna be fun to watch the conflict between finance tories wanting number go up and actual businesses not wanting their staff to literally die on the job because that's unprofitable.

# ? May 10, 2020 21:08

baka kaba: Jul 19, 2003; PLEASE ASK ME, THE SELF-PROFESSED NO #1 PAUL CATTERMOLE FAN IN THE SOMETHING AWFUL S-CLUB 7 MEGATHREAD, TO NAME A SINGLE SONG BY HIS EXCELLENT NU-METAL SIDE PROJECT, SKUA, AND IF I CAN'T PLEASE TELL ME TO
EAT SHIT

Cerv posted:

20.12 received panicked all-company email from the COO telling us all not to come into the office tomorrow.
Announcing this confused message on a Sunday evening was a stroke of genius.

why mess with a winning formula??

# ? May 10, 2020 21:08

namesake: Jun 19, 2006; "When I was a girl, around 12 or 13, I had a fantasy that I'd grow up to marry Captain Scarlet, but he'd be busy fighting the Mysterons so I'd cuckold him with the sexiest people I could think of - Nigel Mansell, Pat Sharp and Mr. Blobby."

A non-insane approach would have been to publish proper guidance for business and public areas, give businesses time to study and make additional preparations and then pick a date where we just need to Be Alert so businesses announce to their staff what they're doing.

But no, better roll it all out over a weekend.

# ? May 10, 2020 21:09

XMNN: Apr 26, 2008; I am incredibly stupid

retrospectively lolling even harder at those articles about how post Corona/child #334 Boris is a changed man who understands what's really important in life

# ? May 10, 2020 21:11

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

... or just understands life :/

like how it works

# ? May 10, 2020 21:13

Ms Adequate: Oct 30, 2011; Baby even when I'm dead and gone
You will always be my only one, my only one
When the night is calling
No matter who I become
You will always be my only one, my only one, my only one
When the night is calling

Guavanaut posted:

I like this.

I mean I don't I actually hate it, but I like this way of phrasing it a lot.

OwlFancier posted:

Conservative government any% deaths TAS 2020 [WR]

Five Year Government Genocide Run

# ? May 10, 2020 21:13

forkboy84: Jun 13, 2012; Corgis love bread. And Puro

https://twitter.com/LondonIWW/status/1259575815915876352?s=20

That there's no unions talking about a general strike right now really is the worst indictment possible of the contemporary labour movement & its complete refusal to put up a fight. Yeah, sure, it's illegal. Unions were illegal themselves once, didn't stop people organising together. If the only thing we can do to save lives is refusing to go to work then it's the moral thing to do.

Anyway, now really is the time to join a union if you are in work, even with them often as limp as they are. And consider also joining the IWW for an actually radical option. And while I don't control the purse strings, if you are short of cash & unable to afford to join up that seems like the sort of thing the UKMT solidarity fund could help with?

forkboy84 fucked around with this message at 21:21 on May 10, 2020

# ? May 10, 2020 21:16

bornbytheriver: Apr 23, 2010

https://twitter.com/theAliceRoberts/status/1259552706345291776

# ? May 10, 2020 21:16

bionic vapour boy: Feb 13, 2012; Impervious to fun.

namesake posted:

A non-insane approach would have been to publish proper guidance for business and public areas, give businesses time to study and make additional preparations and then pick a date where we just need to Be Alert so businesses announce to their staff what they're doing.

But no, better roll it all out over a weekend.

I know, right?? I've got a friend who works for a local council and they're feeling great at having three whole days to reopen the sport facilities in parks and figure out how to ensure they're safe

# ? May 10, 2020 21:17

Vitamin P: Nov 19, 2013; Truth is game rigging is more difficult than it looks pls stay ded

namesake posted:

A non-insane approach would have been to publish proper guidance for business and public areas, give businesses time to study and make additional preparations and then pick a date where we just need to Be Alert so businesses announce to their staff what they're doing.

But no, better roll it all out over a weekend.

It is insane that he just said 'be out the door headed to work literally 12 hours from now lol' with absolutely no other guidance available.

# ? May 10, 2020 21:18