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You might write your p-zombie's inner narrative as a Chinese Room, a sequence of inputs (external stimuli) and corresponding outputs (behaviors). Something clinical like that should help distinguish it from a normal person.
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# ? May 8, 2020 21:54 |
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# ? May 28, 2024 16:12 |
TooMuchAbstraction posted:You might write your p-zombie's inner narrative as a Chinese Room, a sequence of inputs (external stimuli) and corresponding outputs (behaviors). Something clinical like that should help distinguish it from a normal person. Yeah a pzombie is basically a Chinese room as far as the inner workings go. Stephen King has a collection of short stories that came out maybe 3-5? years ago and one of them deals with a guy who invents a device that detects consciousness and to his horror discovers that the vast majority of people are pzombies. I'm sorry I can't remember the name of the book or story, but I would suggest tracking that down to give you some ideas.
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# ? May 8, 2020 22:18 |
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D-Pad posted:Stephen King has a collection of short stories that came out maybe 3-5? years ago and one of them deals with a guy who invents a device that detects consciousness and to his horror discovers that the vast majority of people are pzombies. I'm sorry I can't remember the name of the book or story, but I would suggest tracking that down to give you some ideas. I'll look for it, thanks!
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# ? May 8, 2020 22:25 |
I've reached my first (brief) action scene, and having no experience I would like to get some general feedback about it. Any and all critique is welcome. A few things to note: - words bracketed by asterisks are proper nouns for setting specific things I'll be coming back and naming later - *lizard name* is a lizard pack animal carrying the supplies. *Orshal* is the species name - *lizard thing* is the beast that attacks them - Ashlan is the main character's reluctant companion and has a tracker embedded in his hand that will kill him if main character dies. Edit: The forums broke the formatting a bit. It looks much better in Scrivener quote:
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# ? May 9, 2020 20:35 |
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Just reacting to your first paragraph, keep an eye on the rhythm of your prose. Most of that paragraph is sentences of the form "Words, comma, words." When you repeat the same structures over and over it tends to lose the readers and sap the energy of the piece. Try to break it up. Use short sentences too. Like so. Generally I think prose should obey a rough pink noise distribution—short sentences should be the most common, mid-length sentences are moderately present, long sentences are rare. Sentences present in proportion to their simplicity.
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# ? May 9, 2020 22:07 |
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Also I think the phrase 'blackness enveloped him' is under a fifty year moratorium. It's not your fault, it's just been depleted of all meaning by constant overuse.
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# ? May 9, 2020 22:07 |
General Battuta posted:Just reacting to your first paragraph, keep an eye on the rhythm of your prose. Most of that paragraph is sentences of the form "Words, comma, words." When you repeat the same structures over and over it tends to lose the readers and sap the energy of the piece. Try to break it up. Use short sentences too. Like so. Thanks, this is definitely something I had already noticed I have a tendency to do and will work on it.
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# ? May 9, 2020 22:18 |
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General Battuta posted:Also I think the phrase 'blackness enveloped him' is under a fifty year moratorium. It's not your fault, it's just been depleted of all meaning by constant overuse. yea lol. Envelopes is an awkward word especially. Pokemon has it right when their adolescent PC's just black out in active voice also u could chop the paras & use the old Gibson "then [char name] was [actioning] while [exciting context] happens" as openers which he does in every action scene he writes or just avoid action cuz lol if anyone reads books for things happening. books are about feelings and thoughts with skin navigating uncertain emotional terrain and in this essay I will
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# ? May 9, 2020 23:22 |
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General Battuta posted:Also I think the phrase 'blackness enveloped him' is under a fifty year moratorium. It's not your fault, it's just been depleted of all meaning by constant overuse. Instead try using DARKNESS IMPRISONING HIM
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# ? May 10, 2020 01:15 |
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He became an epistle to nothingness and was sealed inside light's oblivion.
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# ? May 10, 2020 03:50 |
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the darkness hugged him :)
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# ? May 10, 2020 04:43 |
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IT GOT DARK
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# ? May 10, 2020 05:08 |
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Djeser posted:the darkness hugged him
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# ? May 10, 2020 05:12 |
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Screaming Idiot posted:IT GOT DARK
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# ? May 10, 2020 11:41 |
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Just use the classic "alas, I died instantly"
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# ? May 11, 2020 09:03 |
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I always liked the phrase "They [did/sensed something] and knew no more" but I guess it's a cliche now
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# ? May 11, 2020 18:24 |
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everybody gets dead
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# ? May 11, 2020 18:36 |
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take the moon posted:everybody gets dead Done got kilt. Kilt real good/dead.
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# ? May 11, 2020 20:36 |
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I’d like some advice on a murder mystery plot. Is it a good idea to have the killers motivation be caused by an evil supernatural influence? The basic setup is the protagonist is trapped in a location with a cast of characters and a malevolent force Influences one of them to start killing by using the inner psychological trauma of the killer to manipulate them. They kill opportunistically and maintain a normal facade until they feel confident they can overpower those remaining, It feels kind of cop-outey to me and I while I intend to ensure the supernatural side of the plot is given ample clues and exploration, having the killer be influenced like this feels like it might make the reader feel cheated.
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# ? May 18, 2020 00:57 |
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Yeah that's fine IMO. I'm not a big murder mystery reader, but it doesn't sound like you're trying to play a trick on the reader. You're not setting up a locked-room mystery where the answer is "a demon teleported in and killed them". Up to you how much you want to lay out about the supernatural beforehand. My approach would be to establish supernatural motivations as a possibility early on, whether or not the characters think it's plausible at first.
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# ? May 18, 2020 03:12 |
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PiCroft posted:I’d like some advice on a murder mystery plot. Is it a good idea to have the killers motivation be caused by an evil supernatural influence? So: Twin Peaks?
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# ? May 18, 2020 03:25 |
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Djeser posted:Yeah that's fine IMO. I'm not a big murder mystery reader, but it doesn't sound like you're trying to play a trick on the reader. You're not setting up a locked-room mystery where the answer is "a demon teleported in and killed them". Thanks. My plan is to establish ambiguity as to wether a direct supernatural force (a monster), a banal human killer with banal motivations (revenge) or something else as being possible explanations, with each having valid clues suggesting them, but having the true cause be slowly uncovered as the other causes are gradually discounted with fresh evidence. sebmojo posted:So: Twin Peaks? To my shame, I've never seen Twin Peaks.
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# ? May 18, 2020 10:07 |
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You should fix that imo
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# ? May 18, 2020 10:14 |
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Sounds like a bit of a Scylla and Charybdis here. If you don't carefully establish what magic can do, it might seem you're tricking the reader anyway. If you do, you'll imply that it's relevant and might give the game away. Also, what sebmojo said.
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# ? May 18, 2020 11:07 |
Does anyone feel like giving me feedback on a 17k word historical fantasy novelette? The editor of "Fantasy and Science Fiction" said that he liked the idea and the history, but that the beginning of the narrative felt rushed. If interested, pm me your email and I will send a google doc invite . Edit: Might as well add the full message from F&SF: C.C. Finlay posted:Dear Simon, Edit: I do not need more feedback at the moment. Thanks to those who signed up . SimonChris fucked around with this message at 20:35 on Jun 2, 2020 |
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# ? May 22, 2020 15:15 |
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gently caress it I'll do it but itll be a skim or I'll read the opening chapters or w/e. a whole novelette is a lot to read lol I don't have pms but im diseascipline @ Gmail dot com
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# ? May 24, 2020 19:02 |
take the moon posted:gently caress it I'll do it but itll be a skim or I'll read the opening chapters or w/e. a whole novelette is a lot to read lol Thank you . I realize it is a lot to ask, so any feedback is welcome. I am certainly not expecting line editing. SimonChris fucked around with this message at 19:19 on May 24, 2020 |
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# ? May 24, 2020 19:12 |
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also if if I ever punked anyone for not writing w/ the pathetic excuse of they have a job im sorry lol. I have not written a word each day I've worked. Lit. Get home and pass out if anyone has any Advice on writing Fiction on days u just feel like sleeping off after work plz post up
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# ? May 24, 2020 19:13 |
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take the moon posted:also if if I ever punked anyone for not writing w/ the pathetic excuse of they have a job im sorry lol. I have not written a word each day I've worked. Lit. Get home and pass out Write during work! Dont get fired!
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# ? May 24, 2020 19:19 |
take the moon posted:also if if I ever punked anyone for not writing w/ the pathetic excuse of they have a job im sorry lol. I have not written a word each day I've worked. Lit. Get home and pass out I try to write just a single sentence on such days. A single sentence is easy, and once I have written it, I often feel like adding a few more!
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# ? May 24, 2020 19:26 |
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Yes, just set aside like 30 min before work with a goal of writing a sentence.
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# ? May 24, 2020 21:44 |
Speaking of Fantasy and Science fiction, the editor has some really good advice in his Duotrope interview:https://duotrope.com/interview/editor/28/magazine-fantasy-science-fiction-fsf posted:Q: Describe the ideal submission. https://twitter.com/ccfinlay/status/721144970426486784 I need to work on my introductions. SimonChris fucked around with this message at 19:58 on May 25, 2020 |
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# ? May 25, 2020 18:35 |
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take the moon posted:also if if I ever punked anyone for not writing w/ the pathetic excuse of they have a job im sorry lol. I have not written a word each day I've worked. Lit. Get home and pass out Only advice that applies whether you're trying to write on days you work or not: find ways to reduce the friction when you go to write. What works for you probably isn't what works for everyone else, but as others have noted I find it much easier to try to get in some writing before work rather than after. That used to be just talking to a recorder in my car on the way to work but that's kind of out the window right now. The biggest one for me when working on larger projects is that whenever I'm going to stop for the day I take five or ten minutes to write down the next thing that needs to be done and anything I've left dangling. It's much easier to get started when I don't have to figure out what I need to be doing first.
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# ? May 26, 2020 01:43 |
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I appreciate the advice about finding time to write before/in between/after more pressing life things, but do y’all ever notice differences in the words you produce in those short moments vs longer dedicated stretches? If I write 300-500 words and stop, the likelihood that those words are good is much lower than if I write 3000-4000 and stop.
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# ? May 26, 2020 01:51 |
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ketchup vs catsup posted:I appreciate the advice about finding time to write before/in between/after more pressing life things, but do y’all ever notice differences in the words you produce in those short moments vs longer dedicated stretches? I don't tend to notice that because I write quite slowly. But I'd imagine this would be a really hard thing to judge for yourself. There are a lot of reasons why 3-4k might feel better - more happens, more gets resolved - but are they actually better quality? Maybe, and in your specific case it could be a 100% of the time thing, I dunno... but it's hardly a truism that inspiration can only strike over several hours. Secondly, and more platitudinously, those 500 words you have written at 5am are editable, extendable and join-uppable later on, when you do have time up your sleeve. The 3-4k words you didn't write after work are not.
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# ? May 26, 2020 05:02 |
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I don't blame anyone who can't write when they have a full time job. I can't even write if I have a chore to do later in the day. I need my 9 AM start and nothing else on my mind.
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# ? May 26, 2020 05:11 |
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If you've got more time to write, you've got more time to get into a groove. I feel that longer writing periods are more productive, but any writing is always better than no writing. Sometimes it's just down to what you can squeeze in, and that's fine.General Battuta posted:I don't blame anyone who can't write when they have a full time job. I can't even write if I have a chore to do later in the day. I need my 9 AM start and nothing else on my mind. I'm the same: having to 'be ready' for something later almost always ruins my ability to focus, unless it's like four or five hours away at minimum. Keeping track of time takes up too much of my mind to focus on the words. I say "almost" always because once I nearly missed a plane flight because I was on a roll writing that morning.
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# ? May 26, 2020 06:06 |
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I feel that I come up with a bunch of stuff at work cause god knows mentally sinking into myself is way better then actively experiencing american retail. Especially NOW. Then I get home and get loving baked and I aint got time for this writing poo poo I just want to eat extremely calorie dense food and play video games.
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# ? May 26, 2020 06:08 |
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Why didn't anyone tell me that writing in first person is such a breeze?
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# ? May 26, 2020 07:28 |
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# ? May 28, 2024 16:12 |
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lol nice tessa v av yea i managed to write half a sentence before work and then churned out some trash before i went 2 sleep. the system works lmao djeser yr av also
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# ? May 26, 2020 09:46 |