Lister posted:

Here is another police report from two years ago

cda posted:

Interesting choice if words

Obeah posted:

dominator posted:

quote:

What I Learned Last Week, By Rich Lowtax Kyanka, Age 26
Tuesday, Mar 18, 2003 by Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@TwitterHasBannedAllMyAccountsEver)

I've been somewhat out of the loop lately, and although I'd squarely place the blame on some mysterious, evil entity such as Carol Channing or Canada, personal issues encompass the reasons I've experienced an extended "User is Away / Not Available" status. In today's update, I will share the most private and personal aspects of my life with up to 100,000 of you, possibly hoping that one of you may read this and remark to yourself, "man, that Rich 'Lowtax' Kyanka, what a deep and meaningful guy," shortly before casually observing how downhill my writing skills have plummeted since, oh, roughly 1987.

LESSON #1: NEVER GET ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH A CRAZY WOMAN.


Since I wanted to post something more positive and uplifting than my experience with my ex-fiancee, I included this image of SA Forum Goon "Horribleman" who got drunk, threw up on my carpet, then passed out in the bathtub.
This important lesson repeatedly surfaces in my life, much like how dark clouds gather before an acid rain storm in southern California, or as Robert Downy Jr. appears before the SWAT Team arrives equipped with an assault team of U-Haul moving vans large enough to comfortably relocate his current fix of cocaine and tar heroin. However, no matter how carefully I investigate potential mates, despite the amount of time I spend "getting to know them better" (or as the authorities refer to as "stalking them by hiding in the bushes and furiously masturbating outside their garage"), and regardless of whom I eventually grow romantically linked to, their brains eventually collapse into a Biggie-Sized bowl of wacko chili. By using convential logic, I must assume one of at least three possible conclusions contain some shread of truth. Please note the purpose of the following three items is to clarify and explain why I am no longer engaged to Emily "I Am Not a Crook" Reigel to the people who email me daily and ask why she never updates anymore. If you do not enjoy Internet drama, then please skip to Lesson #2 and pretend I wrote something witty and poignant about Iraq and / or George W. "W." Bush Jr.

1) I have a subconscious desire to date people who make my limited and fleeting grasp of reality appear superior in comparison. I somewhat believe in this conclusion, as Emily "I Do Not Tell the Truth" Reigel appeared to embody the ideal of a "normal" person for nearly a year. Of course, I conceivably might have overlooked a few tell-tale signs of her brain goofiness, such as the time she had a plane ticket to meet me in Seattle but she claimed the FBI and CIA stopped her at the airport, refusing to let her on the plane. According to Emily "Person Who Lies" Reigel, the US Government had detained her under the claim she was a threat or terrorist or very large explosive of some sort. She spent most of that day calling me and providing helpful, up-to-the-moment fictional progress reports concerning her fictional interrogation by fictional FBI officers in the fictional airport security room. She additionally provided me with their fictional names, you know, just in case if I didn't believe such a plausibly fictional idea. To take it one step even further, she chose to write up a lengthy, detailed, exciting summary of the fictional events that fictitiously occurred that day! I recently learned, in reality, Emily spent that entire day crying in her bed and never even bothered to leave for the airport. So perhaps this theory could still be considered "up in the air," much like where my brain had to have been located to believe such a ludicrous story.

2) I possess some ability which causes people to spontaneously grow nutty after repeated exposure to myself. I can safely rule out this one as well, as Emily "Lying For Fun and Profit" Reigel had completely made up some fictitious life she claimed to have lived before engaging in constant exposure to me. She told me she went to medical school; in reality, she was a hypochondriac who enjoyed visiting the WebMD website every other hour. She claimed she had never been in a "serious" relationship before; in reality, she spent nearly three years dating some poor sod named "Kevin" when she decided to begin cheating on him with me, then lied to him by claiming she planned on moving to Seattle "for a job opportunity." You know, as opposed to "living with another man." She professed that once my apartment lease ran out in May, I should move up to Wisconsin so we could live together once again and get married; in reality, she moved up to Wisconsin in January and decided to get back with her ol' buddy Kevin, since he is the only person in her life crazy enough to tolerate her insecure, patholigical lying bonus features. Poor Kevin, I hope he wakes up to his senses and decides to meet somebody who might have a more positive influence in his life, such as that time-traveling plane engine from "Donnie Darko." Trust me, that pain will seem miniscule compared to time spent with Emily "Oops, My Entire Life Is a Lie" Reigel.

3) I simply have lousy taste in women. Out of all theories, I'd say this contains the most truth. For example, I dated some girl for a few months in college. After I broke up with her, she promptly became a lesbian. I decided to become romantically involved with a woman a couple years ago, and now she sells beads and string online. Perhaps I need to embrace Raymond Watts' theory of "find it, gently caress it, forget it" which makes sassy women relationship movies such a Lifetime Network blast these days. If I were to conceivably embark on a strict loving and forgetting policy, then I wouldn't have to deal with the aspect of becoming engaged to somebody whose mind is composed of an equal mixture of "cryin' and lyin'" neurons.

Of course this lesson has essentially blossomed into a full-fledged e/n diatribe, but since I personally started this website and am forced to pay thousands of dollars for the bandwidth and servers so people may read this crap, I feel it is my public duty to inform you that I am forced to pay thousands of dollars for the bandwidth and servers so people may read this crap. I take solace in the fact that all my past mistakes and embarrassments will remain engraved on this site until the servers catch fire and fall into the Pacific Ocean. If you glean any knowledge from this lesson, I hope that it may be "getting engaged to crazy pathological liars = bad."

Panic! At The Tesco posted:

i bet there are plenty of people like me who just have a bunch of bookmarked threads theyve been following for years and never look at gbs or any of the drama. its not really anything to do with not paying attention. i doubt i would have seen any of this stuff if someone in one of those threads hadnt posted a link to this one.

RudeCat posted:

Lister posted:

Here is another police report from two years ago

Sanzuo posted:

https://www.somethingawful.com/news/dear-richard/

hm what's going on??

ZenMasterBullshit posted:

So did any of the current admins/mods post a mae culpa about how dumb and bad they were and are? I know FAU did it in the QCS thread but like Burts got a cool fun history of instantly banning anyone that brought up any of the dumb poo poo Dick Kayaks done.


Remember when after spending a month talking about what a sex freak and creep schmorky was Richard dud a stream that was just him showing shmorkys weird pervert art to his daughter? And if you said that was weird the dumbest people online would say you just dont get it and the mods would instantly ban you for bringing up his kids?

Iunno I think maybe some mods knew or at least were desperately pretending he was normal.

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

biracial bear for uncut posted:

I figure I can do at least this much each month.

Taciturn Tactician posted:

gently caress you lowtax

Live Free posted:

if you were a mod/admin who was involved in the covering up of lowtax's abuse please do the right thing and step down. not only is it the virtuous thing to do, but it will probably end better for you than desperately clinging to the last shreds of your fake power will.

havocweasel posted:

Here's my contribution. Thanks for creating the thread.

Obeah posted:

Look, a primary part of why we probated and banned people for contesting Lowtax's claims of a wife conspiracy were to protect those wives' right to privacy in the thread where their abusive ex-husband repeatedly and confidently posted details regarding their private lives and legal stituation.

Live Free posted:

if you were a mod/admin who was involved in the covering up of lowtax's abuse please do the right thing and step down. not only is it the virtuous thing to do, but it will probably end better for you than desperately clinging to the last shreds of your fake power will.

Funk In Shoe posted:

REminder that Burt Sexual is 45+ and has, on many occassions, joked about how sexy his daughter is.

Saoshyant posted:

Saoshyant posted:

But wait, there's more

Anime Bernie Bro posted:

Because Burt would ban anyone who brought it up.

shame on an IGA posted:

Live Free posted:

if you were a mod/admin who was involved in the covering up of lowtax's abuse please do the right thing and step down. not only is it the virtuous thing to do, but it will probably end better for you than desperately clinging to the last shreds of your fake power will.

Drink-Mix Man posted:

So... just tune out Lowtax but keep driving him ad revenue from this site?

Hub Cat posted:

The Rage posted:

I wanted to comb through and do this myself but thank you for making this happen. Blew my goddamn mind that people could be saying they don't remember any of this getting posted the last time, and then I remembered Burt was blowing up every post related to it. gently caress you Burt if you're reading this.

popewiles posted:

Starks posted:

Done. I think this is about what I spent on this site, including the initial $10 which I had to borrow my Mom's credit card for because I was 16 and didn't have my own:

Rhandhali posted:

I went through my patreon receipts and this is every penny I contributed to Kyanka's patreon. It was a misguided effort to support the forums and the community.

Eleanor Pwnsevelt posted:

This thread is going a mile a minute

Reminds me of SA’s golden age

Blue Footed Booby posted:

I did the same, and tried to look up avatar purchases and the like. I'm sure I missed something but really the main purpose here is to help people and secondarily make me feel like icky.

Eleanor Pwnsevelt posted:

This thread is going a mile a minute

Reminds me of SA’s golden age

E: gently caress off Burt Sexual

AuntBuck posted:

Live Free posted:

if you were a mod/admin who was involved in the covering up of lowtax's abuse please do the right thing and step down. not only is it the virtuous thing to do, but it will probably end better for you than desperately clinging to the last shreds of your fake power will.

Kangxi posted:

I am very sorry for not donating more, but I've just moved some distance for a job.

Thanatosian posted:

My reading is that there is not a future for this site with Lowtax as an admin. If we're still looking at a holding pattern by the weekend, that's definitely a different story (at least, from my perspective). I don't really know how much ad revenue we're talking, but I don't think anyone is buying any new SA-based ads at this point, and most of us use AdBlock, so I doubt their ad model is generating revenue from that. I think if you're shitposting here with adblock and not positively contributing money, you're really just burning server resources for him and are a burden.