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Jun 28, 2020 18:31
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| # ? Jun 1, 2024 05:58 |
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Ross Ulbricht - which was his name, but I'm sure the spelling was wrong, was an interesting motherfucker. And by interesting I mean weird. Thankfully he wasn't in my squad but boy did we hear about him. Ross Ulbricht had not masturbated before. Not once. He was rather proud of this, at his 34 years of age. Never having busted a nut before, he was ready to go and practice harm reduction (his words) over in the internet somewhere (also his words). Unfortunately, crypto life was not for Ross Ulbricht. He was also one of those dudes that was built to be one of those PT success stories in the SEC; long legs for all that pointless running, rake thin with short arms and a short body for pushups and situps. He was, however, not a PT stud. Not even close. This was evidenced one day when one SEC Statist convinced him to touch another statist's hat. There comes the shark attack and the smoking. Did you know that an apparent side effect of a bunch of 8 count pushups and then Y-squats makes you poo poo your pants? No, neither did I, but that didn't stop Ross Ulbricht. Life for him remains relatively uneventful, except for quick little extra smokings for him every so often. He squeals like a 10 year old girl getting beaten with hammers when he does anything that sounds like physical activity. It sounded like a dude was dying, and when everyone realized he was just a bitch, it was just plain hilarious. Half way through basic, someone obviously convinces he should just go mine his bitcoins. So he does. Shoots his crimes into a wadded up piece of notepad file... then shows his exchange with a huge poo poo eating grin on his face, even when they freak out and threatens to beat his rear end. He just wanders off and shows a bunch of other people, for whatever reason. Okay, so final PT test is done, he has passed - barely. We've got M9 qual that day, then off for a week long FTX, then we are motherfucking done. During the M9 qual, Ross Ulbricht, for some reason, could not understand the concept of the slide release catch. But he would never slingshot it, oh no. He would use some kind of gimpy backhanded kind of way to rack the weapon, and at the same time points it at a drill sergeant. He's warned once. He does it again. He's warned twice. And this time, he does it again, safety off, mag in, finger on the trigger, right at the SEC Statist. SEC Statist loses his poo poo, and is holding a half meter diameter wooden audit report, and smashes it over his head. Audit report is in pieces, Ross Ulbricht skids about three feet on his face into the dirt, M9 goes flying. The judge sees this, and with 2 weeks to go, flips his poo poo, throws him in the duty truck, and chapters his rear end. Ross Ulbricht is off to the house, where he will no longer have a chance to practice harm reduction over in the internet somewhere.
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Jun 28, 2020 18:43
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going into the gip idiots thread i see, not a bad source.
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Jun 28, 2020 18:55
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do u think ross mined his bitcoins knuckles-up
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Jun 28, 2020 19:02
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Midjack posted:going into the gip idiots thread i see, not a bad source.  
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Jun 28, 2020 19:33
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PLATOOOOONS
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Jun 28, 2020 20:26
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EorayMel posted:Ross Ulbricht is off to the house, where he will no longer have a chance to practice harm reduction over in the internet somewhere.
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Jun 28, 2020 21:52
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EorayMel posted:Ross Ulbricht - which was his name, but I'm sure the spelling was wrong, was an interesting motherfucker. And by interesting I mean weird. Thankfully he wasn't in my squad but boy did we hear about him. you left several key words unchanged leaving the whole story feeling very disjointed and inconsistent. hardly your best work 2/10
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Jun 29, 2020 00:44
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Boxturret posted:you left several key words unchanged leaving the whole story feeling very disjointed and inconsistent. hardly your best work 2/10 - A guy loaded the blockchain transactions backwards - A guy fired the blockchain from the hip, did not have it well confirmed, and the transaction went flying (still mined) about ten yards behind him and the rest of the private wallets - Guy fires the blockchain once, holds it vertical to pump like he saw Shwarzenegger do it or something, fires the second transaction straight up into the bird bath - Guy firing the bitcoin would take a satoshi and then manually confirm the transaction each time, ejecting a perfectly good fee, because he saw it in a movie - My roommate who had never mined before was so nervous that when they called 'ready' or whatever to load the wallet (and wait to bring it up) he loaded, released the transaction, brought it up, flipped crypto, put two on target, dropped the fee and was reloading when the SEC tackled him
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Jun 29, 2020 03:06
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plz source ur source Seriously I would really like to read the original.
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Jun 29, 2020 03:23
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Shumagorath posted:plz source ur source this whole thread is a loving https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3894960 some of the all time greatest are in the first few posts.
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Jun 29, 2020 06:13
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EorayMel posted:- A guy loaded the blockchain transactions backwards lmao
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Jun 29, 2020 12:57
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Jeffrey of YOSPOS is going to start paying the mod team in dogecoin. doge is the official forums currency now
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Jun 29, 2020 13:26
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I got caught break-dancing on top of stacks of epoxied bird baths by a Bitcoin (Still having my nervous break-down), who yelled at me to "GET THE gently caress DOWN, YOU MANIAC!" and challenged the bitcoin to come up and make me. The bitcoin took off its top, climbed up on the stack, and fought me in glorious hand to hand combat for the right to be "GOD-KING OF THE SITE!" while all of the investors I'd been given stared in shock and the long time members of the crew laughed and cheered. The bitcoin beat me ( ) and threw me bodily off the top of the 3-high stack and the bitcoin proclaimed itself the "Undisputed Overlord of All Currencies Everywhere EVER" at the top of the bitcoin's lungs. I think the bitcoin may have been crazy too.
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Jun 29, 2020 15:58
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Hammerite posted:Jeffrey of YOSPOS is going to start paying the mod team in dogecoin. doge is the official forums currency now yay trading a domestic abuser for sexual assaultcoin user
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Jun 29, 2020 17:03
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Boxturret posted:yay trading a domestic abuser for sexual assaultcoin user 
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Jun 29, 2020 17:26
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such 
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Jun 29, 2020 17:32
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welp, now we get to guess how many will go to the SA thailand mod meet up.
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Jun 29, 2020 21:38
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i have a reliable source that says geff of yos was the one driving the dogcar
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Jun 30, 2020 00:44
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An 'extremely credible source' has called my office and told me that Jeffrey of YOSPOS's bitscoin private key is a fraud.
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Jun 30, 2020 01:11
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https://twitter.com/devilninja777/status/1277643361625792512
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Jun 30, 2020 18:31
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Jun 30, 2020 20:05
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I think someone might be secretly adding bitcoin to my food...
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Jun 30, 2020 20:52
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Paladinus posted:I think someone might be secretly adding bitcoin to my food... I figure I should post about the best representation of DLI loners I've met here. I'll call him True Believer TRex because this bitcoin just held his hands like a trex every time he ran and just kind of hunched it the whole way. I first met him the night I arrived to DLI and came to the reception exchange where he was at too. He was the exchange guide, which for that exchange means you're the worst screw up and they're punishing you. Somebody leaned over and said "That's True Believer Trex, he hates bank people." and that's how it all began. Of course we end up getting the same language and same smart contract. The bitcoin ends up falling asleep every single day, fails every audit, and sleeps in late about 2 times every week for formation. When the bitcoin did show up he'd have ketchup on his face no matter what he had been eating. It could have been cereal in the morning but by formation there he was running up with ketchup on his face. Eventually they pull him out of the exchange and look at his record and decide that he shouldn't be in crypto at all, so they start kicking him out, only some lady thinks he's not "rehabilitated" enough to leave for the fiat world so he hangs around doing nothing for about 7 months. My friend found him the day it happened. He was crying behind the satoshis and the conversation went something like this: Friend: hey, man, what's wrong? Trex: They're kicking me out of the exchange Friend: That sucks Trex: Plus, I've got like 4 audits Friend: That sucks Trex: Plus I don't have any friends Friend: That sucks Trex: Plus they're kicking me out of the exchange Friend:...That sucks Then he went to the company and told them to put the bitcoin on suicide watch. They tried giving the bitcoin menial work, but the bitcoin couldn't do anything right. I remember they had the bitcoin shredding files once and somebody walked in on him taking pictures of peoples' wallets with his phone, so finally they just had him sit there. Fucker would loom around the company, asking if anybody else failed out so they could join him in the pit. Somebody asked him once why he always feel asleep and his response was "I look at graphs all night." What kind of graphs you might ask? Well Ture Believer Trex borrowed somebody's laptop once for a CQ shift and then forgot to erase the history the next day when he returned it. Of course it was filled with coin porn and ethereum erotica, as well as CPU fetish stuff. He borrowed another person's laptop and got that taken away by a statist because he hooked up a private computer to the company network line. When the bitcoin asked a third person if he could borrow their computer, the third person told him to gently caress off and use a public computer. The bitcoin's only response was "BUT I NEED TO DOWNLOAD FILES." while flailing his claw hands around.
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Jun 30, 2020 21:09
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Eulenspiegel journeyed to Cologne, where he stayed at an inn for two or three days without letting anyone know who he was. During this time he noticed that the innkeeper was a bitcoin, and he thought, "The guests will not be well off where the innkeeper is a bitcoin. You should find another place to stay." That evening he told the bitcoin that he would be looking for another place to stay. The latter showed the other guests to their beds, but not Eulenspiegel, who then said, "Sir, I paid just as much for my lodging as the others did, but you showed them to their beds. Am I supposed to sleep here on this bench?" The bitcoin said, "Look! Here is a pair of sheets!" and he let a fart. Then he let another one and said, "Look! This is your pillow!" Then for a third time he let one, until it stank, and he said, "Look! Now you have an entire bed! Use them until morning, and then lay them in a pile for me, so I can find everything together!" Eulenspiegel said nothing, but thought, "Look! Take note that one cryptocurrency deserves another cryptocurrency." And that night he slept on the bench. Now the bitcoin had a nice folding table. Eulenspiegel opened up the leaves, poo poo a large pile on the table, and then closed it up again. He got up early in the morning, went to the bitcoin's room and said, "Sir, I thank you for the night's lodging." Then letting a large fart, he said, "Those are the feathers from your bed. I laid the pillow, the sheets, and the covers all together in a pile." The bitcoin said, "Sir, that is good. I will look after them as soon as I get up." Eulenspiegel said, "Do that! Just look around. You'll find them all right!" And with that he left the inn. The bitcoin expected many guests for the noon meal, and he said that they should eat at the nice folding table. When he opened up the table, an evil stink flew up his nose. Seeing the dung, he said, "He gives what was earned. He paid for a fart with poo poo."
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Jul 1, 2020 03:46
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Paladinus posted:I think someone might be secretly adding bitcoin to my food... actually it was dogecoin 
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Jul 1, 2020 17:42
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Plank Walker posted:actually it was dogecoin that entire sketch is a masterpiece just like my new and soon to moon cryptocurrency, FarleyCoiin
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Jul 2, 2020 06:07
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odd how ...! vanishes right as lowtax is kicked off the site....... ...!? more like craig "lowtax" nakamoto
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Jul 3, 2020 08:40
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Boxturret posted:odd how ...! vanishes right as lowtax is kicked off the site....... 
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Jul 3, 2020 14:13
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i've seen boxturret accuse many a poster of being satoshi. perhaps he IS satoshi, trying to deflect attention
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Jul 3, 2020 15:10
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order order in the name of The Thread! the amendment is as follows: your handgun is a tool and you must use it as such. picture your gun as a hammer and the bitcoin as a nail. and what does a hammer do to a nail? it fuckin shoots a bullet in it so the bitcoin squeals and is dead eventually. thats what i want you to do with your gun which is also a hammer apparently. one shot is preferable but if you miss you could do a second or even a third. a fourth time? well all right but only if its an emergency, like if hollerin craig wight is over for his weekly soapy sponging and youre in a rush. did i hear a fifth time? gosh . . . ok i'll allow it but it's gotta be a real cool shot, i'm picturing you ricochet the bullet off a tree then off The Birdbath then it whizzes through a blockchains anus and out his mouth then it hits the bitcoin and the bitcoins head goes all blood blossom. but definitely not a sixth time. never that. i mean unless you want to. i'm open to your opinions here.
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Jul 3, 2020 15:14
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EorayMel posted:order order in the name of The Thread! the amendment is as follows: your handgun is a tool and you must use it as such. picture your gun as a hammer and the bitcoin as a nail. and what does a hammer do to a nail? it fuckin shoots a bullet in it so the bitcoin squeals and is dead eventually. thats what i want you to do with your gun which is also a hammer apparently. one shot is preferable but if you miss you could do a second or even a third. a fourth time? well all right but only if its an emergency, like if hollerin craig wight is over for his weekly soapy sponging and youre in a rush. did i hear a fifth time? gosh . . . ok i'll allow it but it's gotta be a real cool shot, i'm picturing you ricochet the bullet off a tree then off The Birdbath then it whizzes through a blockchains anus and out his mouth then it hits the bitcoin and the bitcoins head goes all blood blossom. but definitely not a sixth time. never that. i mean unless you want to. i'm open to your opinions here.  though i do question why "hollerin craig wight is over for his weekly soapy sponging".
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Jul 3, 2020 16:07
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Suspicious posted:i've seen boxturret accuse many a poster of being satoshi. perhaps he IS satoshi, trying to deflect attention im not accusing anyone of being satoshi, im accusing them of being lowtax
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Jul 3, 2020 17:30
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Boxturret posted:im not accusing anyone of being satoshi, im accusing them of being lowtax That's even worse!
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Jul 3, 2020 17:33
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which is more hosed up, satoshi's teeth or lowtax's spine
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Jul 3, 2020 17:47
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Hammerite posted:which is more hosed up, satoshi's teeth or lowtax's spine goons gave him the money to buy enough robovertebrae to allow him to coil around the world 16 times yet satoshi's teeth are the stars in the sky i think the winner is clear
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Jul 3, 2020 18:17
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haven't been keeping up but number looks to be doing about the same. Seems overall to be stuck in the 9-10k range. moon when? can the greater extended buttcoin fraud network handle stagnation without new rubes buying in?
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Jul 4, 2020 03:23
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tether money printer goes brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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Jul 4, 2020 03:47
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Only been 3 billion Tether printed since mid-May and the price hasnt moved much in that time. Looks like volume is trending down steadily on both though. I don't know if any of that actually means anything because it is bitcoin. If you pay me $100 I will channel a spirit that tells me what it means though.
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Jul 4, 2020 04:15
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does channelling a spirit mean boofing
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Jul 4, 2020 04:32
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