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chitoryu12 posted:Ah, great! All of the resentment that Rosalie had for Bella is now wiped away in an instant because she didn't get an abortion! Meyers' Mormonism is showing again. Mormonism is very heavy-handed about how women who physically can't have children for whatever reason should go whole hog on being an extra mom to their fertile female friends so they can basically be a mother themselves. Rosalie is playing the part of the barren Mormon aunt to the hilt.
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Jun 26, 2020 15:19
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I can practically see the part in a film where Charlie, having been on an obvious runaround for so long, spies on the Cullen house with binoculars and sees the family smiling and cheerful while their new daughter-in-law is supposedly in critical condition. Maybe he even sees Bella and has trouble reconciling her apparent change in appearance or something. Hell, maybe he runs into the Volturri and they decide to play corn hole together until its time for them to reenter the plot.
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Jun 26, 2020 19:25
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So Stephenie Meyer has answered a lot of questions on her website, and they're quite...illuminating.quote:What’s the deal with Bella just falling in love with Jacob in the eleventh hour of Eclipse? Don’t you believe in true love anymore? What happened to blacken your soul, woman?? So obviously, we already know Meyer's Mormon-inspired "true love" belief. But remember what happens in New Moon? Bella's very first motivation, from the beginning all the way to the end, was to use Jacob to her own ends. Her pursuit of friendship with him is a self-admitted manipulation to use his aid in driving her self-destructive impulses. The one time she actually expresses serious romantic interest in him, after her cliff dive stunt, it's presented from the perspective of "I will never have anyone as perfect as Edward and will always be sad, but maybe I can use him as a substitute for happiness and having to get over it." And then she never expresses serious interest in him again! Virtually all of their interactions devolve into fighting, including multiple sexual assaults on Jacob's part. If you weren't told that he's supposed to be the third member of the love triangle and her insistence that he's her best friend over and over, you'd think they hate each other! And the moment she decides she loves him, it's an "I'm actually turned on by this rape" realization. So if you're wondering if Meyer understood even a fraction of the implications behind her writing, no. Everything really is as she says it is on the page, without any subtext otherwise. If a character makes a statement that is not disproven, you can assume it's meant to be hard truth. Also she says in a later question that she's not providing any "deleted scenes" for Eclipse because nothing major or especially interesting was cut. So what you see is pretty much what came out of her head at the start.
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Jun 26, 2020 23:13
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quote:For me, it makes that perfect true love stronger. Bella has another option. She has a really good one. An option that’s easier in many ways, that takes nothing—like her family, present or future—away from her. She would have love, and friendship, and family—an enviable human future. But she chooses Edward over all of this. This makes it real for me. But...literally none of that happens? She ends up sacrificing absolutely nothing. Her future? She didn't want to go to college or have a career or start a family, or do anything except be with her True Love. Her family? She gets to have a child and stay in touch with her parents anyway. Even the stupid love triangle is resolved. There isn't a single thing that she doesn't get by making the "hard choice." Oh no, should I choose to be a rich and beautiful immortal being with superpowers or marry the guy with anger issues who sexually assaulted me when I was depressed? Decisions, decisions.
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Jun 27, 2020 02:11
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At this rate I wouldn't be surprised if the Volturi reacted to the demon baby by sending Carlisle a polite email saying that they looked into the future and found out Renesmee was nice, and also Bella can keep in touch with her family if she wants, that won't be a problem. And then the rest of the book is Bella, Edward, and Renesmee growing an ornamental vegetable garden outside their cottage while Jacob stands around creepily. I mean, I've seen enough complaints about the end of the story to know that that's not exactly what happens, but it's pretty consistent with how the conflicts have been resolved so far.
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Jun 27, 2020 04:24
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Meyer posted:I realized that lots of things about me—like truly hating surprises, and not liking gifts in general much more—had not changed one bit. It was a relief and revelation to discover how much of my essential core traits had come with me into this new body. chitoryu12 posted:Why would you be surprised? You've known the Cullens long enough to hear about all their backstories and supposedly you've spent enough time around them for all of them to treat you as a member of the family long before you married into it. Did you think all of them lost their human personalities? Granted, Meyer's writing is devoid of three dimensions.... If vampirism is, as people have supposed, a metaphorical representation of Mormonism, this becomes very ominous in terms of how Meyer thought about committing to Mormonism. I only mention this because, as chitoryu points out, this passage has no story reason to exist; Bella has never seen any evidence that vampirism alters personality, beyond the necessity of drinking blood. But Meyer still wrote it, so it must make sense to her somehow.
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Jun 27, 2020 07:17
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quote:The cottage room was something from a fairy tale. The floor was a crazy quilt of smooth, flat stones. The low ceiling had long exposed beams that someone as tall as Jacob would surely knock his head on. The walls were warm wood in some places, stone mosaics in others. The beehive fireplace in the corner held the remains of a slow flickering fire. It was driftwood burning there—the low flames were blue and green from the salt. So "an architect's nightmare." You have wooden walls and stone mosaic walls in the same room? quote:It was furnished in eclectic pieces, not one of them matching another, but harmonious just the same. One chair seemed vaguely medieval, while a low ottoman by the fire was more contemporary and the stocked bookshelf against the far window reminded me of movies set in Italy. Somehow each piece fit together with the others like a big three-dimensional puzzle. There were a few paintings on the walls that I recognized—some of my very favorites from the big house. Priceless originals, no doubt, but they seemed to belong here, too, like all the rest. This woman has the worst imagination! "Nothing in here matches and it all comes from wildly different time periods and artistic movements but it all somehow works perfectly!" Imagine asking Stephenie Meyer to design your house after this poo poo. quote:It was a place where anyone could believe magic existed. A place where you just expected Snow White to walk right in with her apple in hand, or a unicorn to stop and nibble at the rosebushes. I'm going to barf. quote:I was about to take advantage of the fact that he hadn’t gotten around to setting me back on my feet and that his wits-scramblingly beautiful face was only inches away when he said, “We’re lucky Esme thought to add an extra room. No one was planning for Ness—Renesmee.” "Also the name you chose is just....absolute balls. Staggering." quote:I sighed. My baby, the sea serpent. Maybe there was no help for it. Well, I wasn’t giving in. "Have you ever heard of Dolls Kill, Bella?" quote:He carried me down a narrow stone hallway with tiny arches in the ceiling, like it was our own miniature castle. How does it keep getting worse?! quote:“That will be Renesmee’s room,” he said, nodding to an empty room with a pale wooden floor. “They didn’t have time to do much with it, what with the angry werewolves.…” Your regular reminder of how short this story is despite how long it takes to get anywhere. quote:Drat Jacob for making everything perfect this way. Yes, perfect. That's how I would describe your friend/sexual harasser becoming your son-in-law with your infant. quote:“Here’s our room. Esme tried to bring some of her island back here for us. She guessed that we would get attached.” Is this Meyer's idea of her personal Heaven? This is the most gaudy display of tastelessness. "Now it's a medieval castle! Now it's Snow White's cottage! Now it's Renaissance Italy! Now it's modern! Now it's the beach!" And how big is this cottage anyway? It's supposed to be "tiny" and a century old for a hunter or something (despite wooden cabins being much more common in a logging area) and Emmett's idea to add a few thousand square feet was nixed, but somehow we have three rooms with a connecting hallway, a big bookshelf, a medieval throne, paintings, a massive canopy bed... quote:“Oh” was all I could say. Tiny stone cottage.   The movie cottage was a little more reasonable, being presumably made to actual blueprints to match the interior and exterior sizes and having a designer who wasn't completely off her nut. It was an exterior shell in Vancouver and soundstage sets in Louisiana. quote:I didn’t even glance at the doors. There was nothing else in the world but him again—his arms curled under me, his sweet breath on my face, his lips just inches from mine—and there was nothing that could distract me now, newborn vampire or not. Gasp! Something she's never done! Wait, Alice should have seen this... quote:He caught up to my mood in an instant, or maybe he’d already been there, and he was just trying to let me fully appreciate my birthday present, like a gentleman. He pulled my face to his with a sudden fierceness, a low moan in his throat. The sound sent the electric current running through my body into a near-frenzy, like I couldn’t get close enough to him fast enough. Oh my loving God, I was right! She didn't change or clean up after hunting! She's done every scene before this looking like she got attacked by a bear! quote:This second honeymoon wasn’t like our first. So vampires also have ultra-sex. quote:I tried to keep in mind that I was stronger than he was, but it was hard to focus on anything with sensations so intense, pulling my attention to a million different places in my body every second; if I hurt him, he didn’t complain. Yes, that's vampire life. 24/7 loving and an occasional stop to play piano or eat a bear. quote:I sort of noticed when the sky began to lighten. The tiny ocean outside turned from black to gray, and a lark started to sing somewhere very close by—maybe she had a nest in the roses. "Almost like this story was meaningless wish fulfillment all along!" quote:“Are you avoiding the question?” moist quote:His fingers were like satin against my skin, so I could see what he meant. Did she just have no editor by this point? quote:“Oh.” Except Bella, who as the prettiest princess at the ball must always receive the most. quote:I was about to inform him of the one exception to his statement, but my lips were suddenly very busy. Oh my God, I was right again! They do just loudly bone all the time! quote:“So, after ten years, then?” I was pretty sure that Rosalie and Emmett had nothing on us, but it might sound cocky if I went higher than a decade. “Everybody is normal again? Like they are now?” "I would argue that masturbation is the human animal’s most important adaptation. The very cornerstone of our technological civilization. Our hands evolved to grip tools, all right—including our own. You see, thinkers, inventors, and scientists are usually geeks, and geeks have a harder time getting laid than anyone. Without the built-in sexual release valve provided by masturbation, it’s doubtful that early humans would have ever mastered the secrets of fire or discovered the wheel. And you can bet that Galileo, Newton, and Einstein never would have made their discoveries if they hadn’t first been able to clear their heads by slapping the salami (or “knocking a few protons off the old hydrogen atom”). The same goes for Marie Curie. Before she discovered radium, you can be certain she first discovered the little man in the canoe." quote:We laughed together, and the motion of our laughter did interesting things to the way our bodies were connected, effectively ending that conversation. chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 15:38 on Jun 29, 2020 |
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Jun 29, 2020 15:33
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cool
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Jun 29, 2020 16:07
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I really hate you for that Cline quote, and I hate that I recognize it.
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Jun 29, 2020 16:52
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quote:He pulled my face to his with a sudden fierceness, a low moan in his throat. The sound sent the electric current running through my body into a near-frenzy, like I couldn’t get close enough to him fast enough. This purple prose is straight out of a generic Harlequin romance, so now we know what Meyer reads in her spare time. Seriously, "sudden fierceness," "low moan in his throat," "electric current" are all romance cliches that have been copy/pasted into countless trashy books since mankind learned to write.
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Jun 29, 2020 18:00
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I was, and to an extent still am, an oddly sheltered Catholic. So I can honestly say this was probably one of my first romance novel sex scenes! In fact, I have very little experience with books that do anything but "fade to black." Well, apart from St. Leibowitz and the Wild Horse Woman. That one was intentionally awkward and wracked with guilt though.
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Jun 29, 2020 19:28
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I'm not trying to defend Jacob, he's a horrid abuser. But why are they constantly acting like he imprinted on the baby on purpose? It's involuntary, right? They all know that?
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Jun 29, 2020 19:49
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Yeah, but it's still his fault for... existing, or something. And for shortening the terrible name Bella gave her daughter.Edward posted:There’s a tremendous amount of time left over when you don’t have to sleep. It makes balancing your… interests quite easy. There’s a reason why I’m the best musician in the family, why—besides Carlisle—I’ve read the most books, studied the most sciences, become fluent in the most languages.… Emmett would have you believe that I’m such a know-it-all because of the mind reading, but the truth is that I’ve just had a lot of free time. Imagine Edward sitting alone in his room, wearing little reading glasses and going "Hm... Yes... The quarks are attracted to one another through the strong interaction, forming into groups of three that collectively cancel out their colour charge..." while loud rhythmic thumping and moans emanate from every wall, every night. Can he turn his mind reading off? I don't remember if that was brought up, but he'd probably want to in that situation.
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Jun 30, 2020 03:07
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I think Meyer has clearly established that characters all retain absolute control over all powers and suffer 0 downside from all the sensory input except strictly linked to plot requirements or to emphasise how terrible Leah the not so feminine woman is.
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Jun 30, 2020 08:04
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I'm holding out hope that Meyer uses her lack of consistency to her advantage and introduces a mountain lion that had only been bitten and has now transformed into a killing machine rampaging its way across the Pacific Northwest.
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Jun 30, 2020 20:05
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Chapter 25: Favorquote:It was only a little while later that Edward reminded me of my priorities. Going from moaning and groaning about having to take care of her own kid to panicking about things she already knows about in half a second. quote:Edward felt the total distraction of my stress. “It’s all right, love. Get dressed, and we’ll be back to the house in two seconds.” Yeah, strong men don't laugh! They just grin and flex their muscles! Also, lest you forget, the vampires do this cartoonish poo poo all the time. As soon as they're around people who know what they are, they're zipping around like Wile E. Coyote and silently teleporting in and out of rooms. How many times have we gotten a description of one of the Cullens just being there as soon as they're needed, or disappearing without a trace when you turn around? quote:“It’s all about balance, love. You’re so good at all of this, I don’t imagine it will take too long to put everything in perspective.” Is Meyer just completely incapable of going 5 pages without having praise heaped on Bella? quote:“And we have all night, right?” But didn't you just dedicate your entire pregnancy to an obsession with motherhood? Now that you have all your awesome superpowers, suddenly you're confused and terrified by it? quote:The thought of Renesmee’s speeding life had me stressed-out again in an instant. I didn’t even pause at the ornately carved double doors to catch my breath before finding out what Alice had done. I just burst through, intent on wearing the first things I touched. I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy. Has Meyer never seen the definition of "tiny" before? Is this a loving TARDIS cottage? Is she going to casually mention stairs to the second floor at some point? quote:Everything was wrapped in garment bags, pristine and white, row after row after row. I hope she's not expected to throw any of these out after one wear. quote:“Fine,” I muttered, and I pulled down the zipper on the closest bag. I growled under my breath when I saw the floorlength silk gown inside—baby pink. Except that you have super speed and it should really only take you a minute to go through everything? quote:“Let me help,” Edward offered. He sniffed carefully at the air and then followed some scent to the back of the long room. There was a built-in dresser there. He sniffed again, then opened a drawer. With a triumphant grin, he held out a pair of artfully faded blue jeans. What do they smell like? Who cares! They just smell like they do! quote:It only took him seconds to find his own clothes—if I hadn’t seen him undressed, I would have sworn there was nothing more beautiful than Edward in his khakis and pale beige pullover—and then he took my hand. We darted through the hidden garden, leaped lightly over the stone wall, and hit the forest at a dead sprint. I pulled my hand free so that we could race back. He beat me this time. Thank God for the movies having non-Mormon costumers. quote:Renesmee was awake; she was sitting up on the floor with Rose and Emmett hovering over her, playing with a little pile of twisted silverware. She had a mangled spoon in her right hand. As soon as she spied me through the glass, she chucked the spoon on the floor—where it left a divot in the wood—and pointed in my direction imperiously. Her audience laughed; Alice, Jasper, Esme, and Carlisle were sitting on the couch, watching her as if she were the most engrossing film. Oh great, Renesmee also has super strength as a toddler. That definitely won't turn out poorly. quote:I was through the door before their laughter had barely begun, bounding across the room and scooping her up from the floor in the same second. We smiled widely at each other. Surprise! Their fear meant nothing! Everything is fine! No stakes! quote:Renesmee patted my cheek. I winced. She was hungry again. So instead of teaching Renesmee how to not be a destructive monster with her powers, they're just handing her poo poo to break and laughing about it! quote:Rosalie bit her lip and looked away, trying not to laugh. I could feel Emmett’s silent laughter behind me, sending vibrations through the foundations of the house. They can hear all the way to the highway. There's no goddamn way they didn't hear every single second of Bella and Edward's extremely Mormon loving. quote:I kept my chin high. “We’ll get your room set up right away,” I said to Renesmee. “You’ll like the cottage. It’s magic.” I looked up at Esme. “Thank you, Esme. So much. It’s absolutely perfect.” So how violent is Emmett and Rosalie's sex life? quote:I gritted my teeth and reminded myself of the negative consequences when I’d let my temper get away from me yesterday. Of course, Emmett wasn’t as breakable as Seth.… "It's the newborn struggle!" I say as I remember fantasizing about ramming Edward's car or punching him over minor annoyances in the first book. quote:Thinking of Seth made me wonder. “Where’re the wolves today?” I glanced out the window wall, but there had been no sign of Leah on the way in. "Fortunately I have an entire family willing to act as surrogate parents forever!" quote:“I don’t know—or care,” Rosalie grumbled, but she answered Edward’s question more fully. “He was watching Nessie sleep, his mouth hanging open like the moron he is, and then he just jumped to his feet without any kind of trigger—that I noticed, anyway—and stormed out. I was glad to be rid of him. The more time he spends here, the less chance there is that we’ll ever get the smell out.” "He keeps refusing to even take a proper shower and just runs through a river from time to time. He came back with a fish once." quote:“Rose,” Esme chided gently. Rosalie flipped her hair. So did they purposefully not listen in on the cottage despite it being well within their established powers, or are Bella and Edward really having the most dull and vanilla Mormon sex imaginable so that even Emmett can't hear it? I'm going with the second, since Emmett seems to have expected to have noticed. Wait, was Emmett trying to listen to his adopted siblings gently caress on purpose? Why does this book keep making me ask these questions? quote:Do not lose your temper, do not lose your temper, I chanted to myself. And then I was proud of myself for keeping my head. Now Bella is complimenting herself for how awesome she is! quote:So I was pretty surprised that Edward didn’t. Alice is on the verge of stabbing someone for wearing white after Labor Day. quote:For one second I was grateful for whatever Jacob was up to. That was your entire loving plan you idiot! quote:Edward spoke through his teeth. “Jacob’s on his way in now.” Yeah, only Bella's allowed to be like that! quote:“Hey, guys,” he greeted us, grinning. Remember how when she first got angry at Jacob, she handed Renesmee back to Rosalie? That's not the actions of someone who's "uncontrollable." She's perfectly aware of what she's doing and intentionally choosing whether or not to have a means of stopping herself. quote:She was very still, watching and listening. How much did she understand? Remember back in New Moon where I said that the entire climax only happened because every person made the worst decisions possible at every turn? And Jacob answering Edward's phone call was the crux of it? I hope you enjoyed that kind of decision making! quote:“Do you even realize what you’ve done? The danger you’ve put him in?” Our heroes. quote:“Then perhaps you should have asked first,” Edward growled back through his teeth. Right, Charlie gets to become a vampire. Let's go! quote:Jacob was still troubled by Edward’s accusations, but mine didn’t seem to bother him. “Relax, Bella. I didn’t tell him anything you weren’t planning to tell him.” So in Jacob's (extremely limited) defense, he is correct about this. The girl freaking out on him was planning on doing the exact same thing Jacob just did. The problem is that if you go back to when Jacob first returns to the Cullen house to find Bella pregnant, Edward tells her about Bella's idea and Jacob calls it "insane." Somehow over the next week, he's decided it's such a great idea that he's going to get the ball rolling himself! quote:My fingers flexed away from Renesmee. I curled them back in securely. “Say it straight, Jacob. I don’t have the patience for this.” ....you loving idiot. quote:“He’s brave. Brave as you are. Didn’t pass out or throw up or anything. I gotta say, I was impressed. You should’ve seen his face when I started taking my clothes off, though. Priceless,” Jacob chortled. The true Alpha of the Quileute, the descendant of Ephraim Black, who has ultimate authority by birthright and is praised by Seth and Leah as so much better of a leader than Sam. And he has now stripped naked in front of the town police chief and revealed the existence of werewolves (something so secret that Paul attempted to murder Bella when she found out) just because. quote:“You absolute moron! You could have given him a heart attack!” Does imprinting just turn you into the biggest douchebag on the planet? quote:“Twenty-six seconds.” To be specific, he said "I have something to show you first" and then immediately ripped his clothes off in front of Charlie. At the age of 17. quote:My teeth felt like a vise was pushing them together. “I want every word, you monster.” This unbelievably stupid dipshit. quote:Edward hissed while I stared in horror; this was headed in a dangerous direction. This boy hasn't even got two brain cells to rub together. quote:“I started to tell him more about werewolves, but I didn’t even get the whole word out—Charlie cut me off and said he’d ‘rather not know the specifics.’ Then he asked if you’d known what you were getting yourself into when you married Edward, and I said, ‘Sure, she’s known all about this for years, since she first came to Forks.’ He didn’t like that very much. I let him rant till he got it out of his system. After he got calmed down, he just wanted two things. He wanted to see you, and I said it would be better if he gave me a head start to explain.” I would have liked it much more if Charlie's reaction was to just grab his gun and start blasting. quote:I felt relief for the first time since Jacob had walked in. “I can handle that part.” Finally, Charlie gets a smidgen of happiness in his life. quote:The stinging returned to my eyes, but not out of fear or anguish this time. Charlie was smiling at the idea of being a grandpa? Charlie would meet Renesmee? "The exact same risk I was gladly going to put him through myself." quote:“I am sorry about it hurting you. I didn’t know it was like that. Bella, things are different with us now, but you’ll always be my best friend, and I’ll always love you. But I’ll love you the right way now. There’s finally a balance. We both have people we can’t live without.” "Both forced upon us by the cruel hand of God, manipulating us as if we were puppets." quote:He smiled his very most Jacob-y smile. “Still friends?”
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Jul 1, 2020 21:05
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It'd be funny if Charlie had just run with the assumption that Bella was a really clumsy werewolf somewhere and immediately called Renee to demand to know if there's any family history he should know about.
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Jul 2, 2020 06:11
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I think if they let Charlie be a vampire, he would have destroyed the Volturi by himself.
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Jul 2, 2020 06:48
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Just binged this entire thread in the past few days. Thank you for doing this - Twilight has been over of those things that I never got into, then heard it was just so bad that I lost all desire to even check it out for years. And yep, it really truly is a weird combination of horrible horrible writing (about really messed up things) and actually interesting world building that you just wish the author would do something interesting with but she never does. And I thought that Sharon Green's The Blending series and The Blending Enthroned sequel series were as bad as bad fantasy gets. It's got nothing on Twilight!!
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Jul 5, 2020 13:42
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quote:Alice raced back through the door then, her hands full and her expression promising violence. Yeah, should have thought of that before you made this your plan and got mad that someone went through with it. The way Bella and Jacob have swapped positions on this in just a week or so of time is one of those things an editor should have demanded a correction on. Jacob is upset about her plan to kinda sorta loophole Charlie into believing in vampires, never speaks about it again, then suddenly he's dropping trou in front of his impending father-in-law. Bella is still thinking about doing it until about 24 hours before Jacob does it for her, then suddenly she's screaming about how irresponsible the decision was. quote:I couldn’t imagine the pain of failure. My breathing turned to gasps. Again, vampires can't do that. Hyperventilating is an autonomic response in creatures that can breathe. Vampires supposedly have had the breathing reflex disabled because they don't require it and need to do it consciously to inhale scents or imitate being human. She should be doing what every other vampire in the series does when shocked or upset: freeze into an absolute statue. quote:“Take her,” I whispered, sliding Renesmee into Jacob’s arms. Because that's all Leah is to Bella: a crazy, filthy, shrieking harpy who needs to be put in her place. quote:“Of course,” Jake said. Oh, that's fine. Everyone was making plans for how to move away and yelling at Jacob for endangering their plans just a minute ago but now that Bella is put on the spot it's "Actually we were wrong about everything, you really can have everything you want." quote:I tried to slow my breathing. "As I should not have had to do, but my author forgot to do literally any research." quote:Alice held out her hand. There was a small white box on her palm. “These will irritate your eyes—they won’t hurt, but they’ll cloud your vision. It’s annoying. They also won’t match your old color, but it’s still better than bright red, right?” "I never displayed any sign that I was acknowledging these possible futures beforehand despite being prepared for them, but..." quote:I nodded and opened the container. I’d never worn contacts before, but it couldn’t be that hard. I took the little brown quarter-sphere and pressed it, concave side in, to my eye. I wear contacts. Yes, it is that hard the first time. quote:I blinked, and a film interrupted my sight. I could see through it, of course, but I could also see the texture of the thin screen. My eye kept focusing on the microscopic scratches and warped sections. This is definitely one of those things Meyer thought up on the spot when someone asked a question about why the vampires never disguise their constantly changing eye color. quote:“How long do I have?” "I know you keep displaying all of these traits anyway, but now you don't anymore for this chapter. Play along." quote:Jasper frowned. “You’ll be holding your breath as much as possible, but you need to move your shoulders a little to make it look like you’re breathing.” She is very explicitly not holding her breath. quote:I inhaled once and then nodded again. "I know we were all saying you shouldn't yesterday, but ignore that." quote:“Two minutes,” Alice said. “Maybe you should start out already on the couch. You’ve been sick, after all. That way he won’t have to see you move right at first.” The baby you occasionally forget about and have done nothing to raise? quote:“Fine,” Alice groaned. “Hold her as still as you can and I’ll try to see around her.” She sighed wearily, like she’d been asked to work overtime on a holiday. Jacob sighed, too, but brought Renesmee to me, and then retreated quickly from Alice’s glare. "Jacob, make sure not to try and express your undying loyalty to her and future marriage in front of Charlie." quote:Edward took a seat beside me and put his arms around Renesmee and me. He leaned forward and looked Renesmee very seriously in the eyes. "It's okay to hurt people if it won't cause permanent damage, is what I really mean." quote:“Can she understand you?” I whispered. Renesmee just sinks her loving teeth into Jacob's neck right in front of Charlie. quote:“Maybe you should leave, Jacob,” Edward said coldly, glaring in his direction. Edward hadn’t forgiven Jacob, because he knew that no matter what happened now, I was going to be hurting. But I’d take the burn happily if that were the worst thing I’d face tonight. He did just see you naked this morning. quote:I heard the tires turn off the highway onto the quiet, damp earth of the Cullens’ drive, and my breathing spiked again. My heart ought to have been hammering. It made me anxious that my body didn’t have the right reactions. Except for all the reactions you keep having. quote:I concentrated on the steady thrumming of Renesmee’s heart to calm myself. It worked pretty quickly. ugughghgughuggughuhgugh quote:It wasn’t precisely a peck on the lips, and my wild vampiric reactions took me off guard yet again. Edward’s lips were like a shot of some addictive chemical straight into my nervous system. I was instantly craving more. It took all my concentration to remember the baby in my arms. Bella you literally had your heart stop when Edward kissed you before. This is normal for you. quote:Jasper felt my mood change. “Er, Edward, you might not want to distract her like that right now. She needs to be able to focus.” What, "Oops"? Is that how you're defining the entire series? quote:“Later,” I said, and anticipation curled my stomach into a ball. Bella is beaming horny directly into Jasper's brain 24/7. quote:The sound of Charlie’s cruiser got closer and closer. The second of levity passed, and everyone was still. I crossed my legs and practiced my blinks. Ah, I see why Bella feels more at home with him than humans! quote:“Hello, Charlie,” he said, looking appropriately abashed. After all, we were supposed to be in Atlanta at the Center for Disease Control. Charlie knew he’d been lied to. So realistically, vampires shouldn't be incredibly stiff like a walking corpse and needing to breathe to look human. They still need air to do everything a normal human needs air for (including speaking and smelling) so they should be constantly inhaling at an odd rate. quote:Charlie’s blank expression told me how off my voice was. His eyes zeroed in on me and widened. So if vampire teeth are some of the only things that can tear apart vampires, can vampires accidentally bite off their lips or tongues? quote:“Is that you, Bella?” he whispered. Jacob you idiot. quote:Slowly, Charlie walked across the room until he was a few feet away from me. He darted an accusing glare at Edward, and then his eyes flickered back to me. The warmth of his body heat beat against me with each pulse of his heart. Begin imitating a fish gasping on land! quote:“Jake told me this was… necessary. That you were dying.” He said the words like he didn’t believe them one bit. Charlie is canonically delicious. quote:But I wasn’t hunting now. And this was my father. Something you've never displayed toward him? quote:Under my hair, Renesmee sniffed as Charlie’s scent registered with her, too. I tightened my grip on her. "Jacob kept salivating when describing her. It was disturbing." quote:“My niece,” Edward lied smoothly. He must have decided that the resemblance between Renesmee and him was too pronounced to be ignored. Best to claim they were related from the beginning. Yeah, you've never gotten away with lying! Ever! quote:Renesmee peeked out from under my hair, sniffing again. She glanced shyly at Charlie from under her long lashes, then hid again. Okay, dial back the drama buddy. quote:“Hmph. Well.” He shook his head absently. “Jake says you call her Nessie?” Bella immediately decapitates Charlie with one swipe. quote:Charlie frowned. “You gonna make me a grandpa so young?” Not even gonna question why your daughter, who was recently extremely anti-marriage and never expressed any interest in having kids, is obsessively and violently protective of her "adopted" orphan that she calls "mine"? Whose stupid name is obviously a combination of your ex-wife's and Esme's names? quote:Renesmee leaned toward the smell, shaking off my hair and looking him full in the face for the first time. Charlie gasped. Ah, great. Their cover story lasted all of 20 seconds. quote:Jacob got up and came over to pat Charlie on the back. He leaned in to whisper something in Charlie’s ear; only Charlie didn’t know we could all hear. It's extremely not okay! quote:Charlie swallowed and nodded. And then his eyes blazed as he took a step closer to Edward with his fists tightly clenched. Why don't you just tell him "If we tell you the truth, much more powerful people will kill you"? He doesn't need to know everything, but he sure as hell needs to know why he can't. How would Bella even realistically get to "keep Charlie in her life" in this state anyway? quote:The room was full of statues. I crossed my ankles. I feel like Charlie is way too accepting of everything that's going on here. It feels like Meyer wanted Bella to have her nice final moment with her dad but still had no conceivable way to keep him involved in the plot, so she just had Charlie suddenly get a partial reveal and immediately be cool with it and leave because Renesmee is just too perfect to question. quote:He frowned, and then he knelt on the floor in front of me. I could see the movement of the blood in his neck under his skin. I could feel the warm vibration of it. So Renesmee also has the perfect control Bella has, and her constant biting of Jacob is completely intentional because she likes to hurt him and nobody is telling her no. quote:“Whoa,” Charlie gasped, his eyes on her perfect teeth. “How old is she?” She has long curly hair and all her teeth, but she looks 3 months old? quote:Very deliberately, Renesmee waved at him. I see Jacob is still using the same excuse as always for sexual harassment! quote:The reminder made Charlie’s lips go white, but he nodded once. “Just what is your part in all this, Jake?” he asked. “How much does Billy know? Why are you here?” He looked at Jacob’s face, which was glowing as he stared at Renesmee. Why would you ask questions if you're going to react like the answers are a brown note? quote:Jacob grinned. “Everything’s going to be great, Charlie. Just try to not believe anything you see.” God, I hope not. quote:“Just scored the first touchdown,” Emmett confirmed. He shot a look in my direction, wagging his eyebrows like a villain in vaudeville. “’Bout time somebody scored around here.” No, please, demonstrate how becoming a vampire instantly saps you of your humanity by hissing like a cat. quote:But Charlie was beyond noticing innuendos. He took yet another deep breath, sucking the air in like he was trying to pull it down to his toes. I envied him. He lurched to his feet, stepped around Jacob, and half-fell into an open chair. “Well,” he sighed, “I guess we should see if they can hold on to the lead.”
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Jul 6, 2020 15:48
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this is beyond awful now How is this the last book? It's worse than the first one.
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Jul 6, 2020 16:40
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Up Circle posted:this is beyond awful now If the theories are correct and she kept as much as possible from Forever Dawn, it's possible that we're seeing quite a bit of her original writing from 2004-2005 in here. Also, I have a challenge for Grammarchist! As a newcomer to the series and not knowing anything about where this is going, consider the following facts: 1. Bella has become a vampire and gotten her perfect superpowered baby and loving family. The Volturi are no longer a threat, as they just need to report that Bella has been turned as promised. 2. Charlie has had the truth about the supernatural revealed to him and has immediately decided he's okay with it and never needs to be told anything that puts him in danger. 3. Bella has supernatural resistance to blood thirst, so she's not at risk around humans. 4. The conflict between the werewolves and Cullens has been permanently ended. 5. The only villainous vampire coven known is completely destroyed. At 65% of the way through the book, where is there any place for conflict to come?
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Jul 6, 2020 16:49
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This isn’t the last book. Meyer is still writing, and we will be getting more of this world of vampires presently. She even retold twilight with the genders reversed. I do wonder why she doesn’t just write a book about some random teenage vampires in Australia or Brazil or somewhere other than the Cullen orbit. The world is big, and there are teenage girls everywhere.
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Jul 6, 2020 16:51
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chitoryu12 posted:Also, I have a challenge for Grammarchist! As a newcomer to the series and not knowing anything about where this is going, consider the following facts: I’ll play too since I’m also new. I predict Meyer will introduce a completely new threat, either another hostile vampire group, a new faction of werewolves, or a new category of X-Files monster of the week that we’re just now learning about but the Cullens have known about for years and have Bella and/or wonder baby dispatch it almost singlehandedly all in the space of two or three chapters.
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Jul 6, 2020 17:11
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Also, I missed something in the first half of this chapter. When Jacob is explaining what he told Charlie, he says he did it in reaction to finding out the Cullens were moving away because "like I could let you leave." Remember how Bella was theorizing about what effects Sam or other imprinted werewolves would suffer if they were forcibly separated from their imprintees? Turns out this is the answer. Jacob found out that his child bride would be having to move away for a while and immediately blew the lid off the supernatural to the town police chief to try and force them to stay in Forks. And somehow nobody is even discussing this being an issue.
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Jul 6, 2020 17:57
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Maybe Charlie talks to Renee in such a way as to pique her interest, forcing another, more volatile meeting with family? Maybe Renee, who is incredibly immature and terrified of aging, puts two and two together and DEMANDS to be made a vampire as well? Maybe we see a lot more of Bella's obnoxious behavior reflected in her mother, and force Bella to recognize her own obsession with everlasting life? Maybe Renee starts running her mouth, or threatening to. The Volturi recognize the threat and dispatch an agent to kill Renee and remove the issue. However, Charlie's lingering feelings for Renee lead him to intercede on her behalf, culminating in an unlikely victory over the unsuspecting vampire by setting it on fire with a Molotov cocktail. The Volturi now must not only avenge their own, but are no longer willing to tolerate this hotbed of lycanthropy, humans "in the know" and vegetarian vampires.
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Jul 7, 2020 00:28
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Midjack posted:I’ll play too since I’m also new. Me too!! I'm guessing that Tanya's coven and the immortal children come back into play since that foreshadowing hasn't paid off yet, including the stuff Bella was dreaming. Tanya meets Renesmee and gets massive maternal jealousies so she follows in her vampire mother's footsteps despite how that went down with the Volturi previously and turns a random boy who looks exactly like the kid Bella was dreaming about. She schemes to set this kid up with Edward and Bella's kid and we get an entire idiotic chapter of vampire baby playdates. Renesmee, being truly her mother's daughter, gets into a love triangle before she's even able to speak. Jacob cannot deal with history repeating so soon with his infant future bride and tries to murder Tanya's son. The Volturi descend upon them all in this instance and somehow there's a massive all out five way war in Forks between the two covens, the two packs and the Volturi. In the midst of all this chaos, the two immortal children get distracted as kids do and indiscriminately This is all resolved by Bella the super Mary Sue turning out to have a mental gift that appears out of nowhere that can somehow combine Edward and Renesmee's gifts to mentally brainwash everybody, including the Volturi. Thanks to that, the series ends with everyone other than the Cullens thinking that it was all a dream and Alice gets to throw another wedding for Jacob and Renesmee who is now exactly the same age as her mother. Epilogue is Renesmee giving birth to a human-vampire-werewolf child, fulfilling Alice's never before mentioned future vision that a chosen one will come to unite the three species.
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Jul 7, 2020 04:47
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I actually like the idea that Renee finds out about vampires and demands to be turned so that she can avoid ageing in the most shallow and petty plot development ever. I'd imagine meyer frustratingly wouldn't recognise any parallels to Bella and every character would treat it as totally different. Also for my guess as to the rest of the plot somehow word of Nessie gets back to the Volturi. They assume someone is making vampire children again and descend upon the Cullens. They meet Nessie and she projects her thoughts into the boss guy's head. The Volturi immediately realise that actually the half human, half vampire mutant baby is totally cool and good and all promise to stop eating humans. For no reason Bella is hailed as vampire Jesus for her incredible self control and for ushering in a new age. Being written by Meyer, this takes about as long as everything we've read and there's a ton of tension arising from people disagreeing over how to deal with the situation and people making incorrect assumptions about what or who is coming. Which all gets resolved by things just happening with no pay off for the earlier conflict.
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Jul 7, 2020 08:10
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quote:.. Keep in mind that those won’t last forever—the venom in your eyes will dissolve them in a few hours. So if Charlie stays longer than that, you’ll have to excuse yourself to replace them. Which is a good idea anyway, because humans need bathroom breaks.” I'll take 'vampires don't poo poo' over Rowling's incontinent wizards, good choice Meyer.
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Jul 7, 2020 13:06
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One of you actually got it exactly right but I won't say who. Are you sure you didn't cheat?
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Jul 7, 2020 13:16
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chitoryu12 posted:One of you actually got it exactly right but I won't say who. Are you sure you didn't cheat? I dunno about exactly right but a couple people got pretty close if you combine their answers. Edit: Just know the rest of this book becomes a macrocosm of many of the little problems with the series as a whole. Every new character introduced is more interesting than Bella. Bella doesn't get to be the big hero, someone else resolves the conflict overall even if she was pretty essential, because of her special snowflakeness which still isnt good enough for her to be the actual hero. Victorkm fucked around with this message at 15:19 on Jul 7, 2020 |
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Jul 7, 2020 15:15
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Chapter 26: Shinyquote:"I don't know how much we should tell Renée about this," Charlie said, hesitating with one foot out the door. He stretched, and then his stomach growled. Literally nothing. She is the worst person in the goddamn world to tell anything about this. Except one problem: Bella also called her mother while pretending to be sick. So what happens now? Charlie gets to kinda sorta know that she's one of the immortals, but how do you handle the other parent? Do you just go no-contact and let her think that you've abandoned her? Do you work with Charlie to fake your death for her? Do you try to let her in on it? This is possibly another Forever Dawn leftover; at the end of Twilight, Charlie had gotten virtually all of the characterization and page time while Renee is left to make one appearance at the beginning and end of the book. Meyer clearly didn't care very much about her when initially writing this. quote:I nodded. “I know. I don’t want to freak her out. Better to protect her. This stuff isn’t for the fainthearted.” .....yes she is! How many goddamn times has she fainted in all the books? This girl was passing out from a tiny cut on someone's finger at one point! She just suppressed it long enough to get vampire dick! quote:I smiled back, pulling a blazing breath in through my teeth. You were just going to leave him to fend for himself without teaching him, weren't you? quote:All day the tension had made the minutes pass slowly; Charlie had never relaxed the stiff set of his shoulders. But he’d been in no hurry to leave, either. He’d watched two whole games—thankfully so absorbed in his thoughts that he was totally oblivious to Emmett’s suggestive jokes that got more pointed and less football-related with each aside—and the after-game commentaries, and then the news, not moving until Seth had reminded him of the time. Emmett please. quote:“You gonna stand Billy and my mom up, Charlie? C’mon. Bella and Nessie’ll be here tomorrow. Let’s get some grub, eh?” "We'll just pretend I didn't freak out when someone actually implemented my plan without me. quote:“He said you could stay for a while, but only if I’m tough enough, and if I can keep my mouth shut.” "Unless the Volturi figure out that a human knows, in which case you're going to be eaten. Good luck!" quote:He chewed on his lip for half a second, then leaned slowly toward me with his arms cautiously extended. I shifted Renesmee—napping now—to my left arm, locked my teeth, held my breath, and wrapped my right arm very lightly around his warm, soft waist. I don't think Meyer is incredibly familiar with genetics. I've never seen a kid who looks like an exact half and half split between the parents. quote:Charlie started, then snorted. “Huh. Guess she does. Huh. Grandpa.” He shook his head doubtfully. “Do I ever get to hold her?” Bella you idiot! Your baby's a sociopath who can rip limbs off! quote:“Here,” I said, holding her out to him. He automatically made an awkward cradle with his arms, and I tucked Renesmee into it. His skin wasn’t quite as hot as hers, but it made my throat tickle to feel the warmth flowing under the thin membrane. Where my white skin brushed him it left goose bumps. I wasn’t sure if this was a reaction to my new temperature or totally psychological. That is incredibly creepy. quote:“Can I come back tomorrow?” gently caress you. quote:Charlie’s eye-creasing grin lit up his face, taking me off guard. “Thanks, Bells.” Actually, the first feeling you had was to blast Linkin Park in your ears as loud as possible to try and sleep through the stress of learning that Edward was a vampire. quote:Charlie nodded and then reluctantly returned Renesmee to me. He glanced past me into the house; his eyes were a little wild for a minute as he stared around the big bright room. Everyone was still there, besides Jacob, who I could hear raiding the refrigerator in the kitchen; Alice was lounging on the bottom step of the staircase with Jasper’s head in her lap; Carlisle had his head bent over a fat book in his lap; Esme was humming to herself, sketching on a notepad, while Rosalie and Emmett laid out the foundation for a monumental house of cards under the stairs; Edward had drifted to his piano and was playing very softly to himself. There was no evidence that the day was coming to a close, that it might be time to eat or shift activities in preparation for evening. Something intangible had changed in the atmosphere. The Cullens weren’t trying as hard as they usually did—the human charade had slipped ever so slightly, enough for Charlie to feel the difference. But...everything they're doing is normal. quote:He shuddered, shook his head, and sighed. “See you tomorrow, Bella.” He frowned and then added, “I mean, it’s not like you don’t look… good. I’ll get used to it.” This book is just handing her everything she wants instead of giving her even the tiniest amount of difficulty or stress. It's like it was written by someone incredibly bitter about the way her life went! quote:“Wow,” I whispered. I blinked and felt the third set of contact lenses disintegrate. Stop bragging about being a lovely writer! quote:“I’m not even sure she’s really a vampire, let alone a newborn,” Emmett called from under the stairs. “She’s too tame.” Because you've got a bunch of pent-up aggression and want to finally be able to express your strength by hurting people who make you mad? quote:“Oooo, scary,” Emmett laughed. It's like Meyer can't help but have a stereotypical view of vampires, so she just throws in "Uhhh when you become a vampire you get all the instincts to hiss and snarl like an animal for no reason!" quote:“Charlie will be back tomorrow,” I assured her. Vampires have trouble remembering their human lives, except when the plot requires them to. Then they remember everything after a few seconds. Also, remember when Jasper gave a long speech to all of the Cullens in Eclipse about how newborns are stronger than them and they will never win a fight based on brute strength? That's another Forever Dawn slip-up where Meyer just forgot or ignored her past plots when hauling this old draft out. quote:Alice trilled a long, pealing laugh. Jacob poked his head around the corner, his mouth stuffed with food. Esme, why didn't you say something about your table being broken? quote:“No problem,” Emmett said with a gleaming smile. “Right this way, Bella.” Nah, that would make this book actually interesting and different. quote:I tried to look unconcerned as I set my elbow against the stone. Remember the days when Emmett seemed nice and fun? And now he's just a non-stop sexual harasser but Stephenie Meyer somehow thinks that's endearing? quote:“You gonna back down so easy, little sister?” Emmett taunted. “Not much wild about you, is there? I bet that cottage doesn’t have a scratch.” He laughed. “Did Edward tell you how many houses Rose and I smashed?” But you're rich, so you can do whatever you want? quote:I gritted my teeth and grabbed his big hand. “One, two—” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmckVzYL5OY It's so bizarre to see any of these characters with actual charisma and human-like emotion after this writing. quote:Emmett kicked the rock fragment across the river. It sliced a young maple in half before thudding into the base of a big fir, which swayed and then fell into another tree. Past Emmett would have been laughing at this and been super hyped about his sister-in-law being strong. I miss Past Emmett. quote:Fascinated by the undeniable proof that I was stronger than the strongest vampire I’d ever known, I placed my hand, fingers spread wide, against the rock. Then I dug my fingers slowly into the stone, crushing rather than digging; the consistency reminded me of hard cheese. I ended up with a handful of gravel. Shrieked and groaned...like metal? quote:I started giggling. It's like she's trying to write a parody Mary Sue on purpose. quote:“Did she just laugh?” No antagonism, minus the slur. quote:“That’s different,” Jacob said, and I watched in surprise as he mock-punched Edward’s shoulder. “Bella’s supposed to be a grown-up. Married and a mom and all that. Shouldn’t there be more dignity?” Oof, there's the Mormon popping out again. Bella's a teenager, but as soon as she gets married and has a kid she immediately has to shift gears and become a proper housewife. quote:Renesmee frowned, and touched Edward’s face. This kid is going to grow up into a serial killer, isn't she? quote:“I’ll get it,” I said, pinching the stone into sand. Great, now she gets dazzled by herself. quote:Renesmee stroked the smooth diamond-bright facets, then laid her arm next to mine. Her skin had just a faint luminosity, subtle and mysterious. Nothing that would keep her inside on a sunny day like my glowing sparkle. She touched my face, thinking of the difference and feeling disgruntled. Normal people don't have a "subtle and mysterious luminosity" to their skin! quote:“You’re the prettiest,” I assured her. If I didn't have to finish this for you guys, I would have quit already. I've read books that were more entertaining to mock, but this might be the single worst I've ever read. quote:It was a strange feeling—not surprising, I supposed, since everything felt strange now—this being a natural at something. As a human, I’d never been best at anything. I was okay at dealing with Renée, but probably lots of people could have done better; Phil seemed to be holding his own. I was a good student, but never the top of the class. Obviously, I could be counted out of anything athletic. Not artistic or musical, no particular talents to brag of. Nobody ever gave away a trophy for reading books. After eighteen years of mediocrity, I was pretty used to being average. I realized now that I’d long ago given up any aspirations of shining at anything. I just did the best with what I had, never quite fitting into my world. Anyone still not sure this is a Mormonism metaphor?
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Jul 7, 2020 16:38
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Ok, seeing as Renee is apparently out of the story I'm now going to assume that Leah will develop a plot-convenient tantrum and tell the Volturi about Renesmee and her creepy control over others. The end of the book is everyone, up to and including the Volturi, dunking on Leah. Renesmee laughs maniacally as she uses Jacob to enforce her will on what remains of Leah's family. Bella gets a new car.
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Jul 7, 2020 17:52
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https://twitter.com/deadline/status/1280874927944372224?s=21 Oh no.
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Jul 8, 2020 18:25
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Jul 8, 2020 19:11
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lol I wonder if he’s brave enough to reference his excellent poem “Nerd Porn Auteur” in this one.
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Jul 8, 2020 20:37
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Reminder that protagonist “Wade Watts” was given his name by his father because “it sounds like a secret identity. Also: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wade_Watts I just cannot believe this is coincidence. My theory is when he decided to have Wade be from Oklahoma he may have seen the name and subconsciously recalled it as sounding “cool” but it’s always felt a bit of yikes to me.
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Jul 9, 2020 15:48
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Chapter 27: Travel Plansquote:I took mythology a lot more seriously since I'd become a vampire. Oh, now you have a problem with beige? It's like Meyer knows what she's writing but also knows she can't blatantly attribute Bella's luck to God's will, so she uses some garbled version of the Greek Fates instead. quote:The tapestry of family and friends that wove together around me was a beautiful, glowing thing, full of their bright, complementary colors. Of course you'd make the natives "woodsy" colors while the vampires get to be gold and crimson and all the nice ones. Because they're closer to the earth, or because it matches their Lamanite skin? Also, Quil and Embry are with Jacob now I guess? Three-month timeskip and poo poo just happens! quote:Sue and Leah Clearwater were interlaced into our life, too—two more I had not anticipated. Sue seemed to have taken it on herself to smooth Charlie’s transition into the world of make-believe. She came with him to the Cullens’ most days, though she never seemed truly comfortable here the way her son and most of Jake’s pack did. She did not speak often; she just hovered protectively near Charlie. She was always the first person he looked to when Renesmee did something disturbingly advanced—which was often. In answer, Sue would eye Seth meaningfully as if to say, Yeah, tell me about it. But Leah doesn't want to stay! She was talking about how she wanted to leave the pack and get a normal life! Seth was already fine with sticking around! quote:“I figured as long as I was going to do this Alpha thing for real,” Jacob explained, “I’d better nail down the formalities.” So he's not actually leading. He's sticking around his imprintee 24/7 and making Leah come to him constantly to get orders. quote:Leah was not happy to be near us, but she was the exception. Happiness was the main component in my life now, the dominant pattern in the tapestry. So much so that my relationship with Jasper was now much closer than I’d ever dreamed it would be. Yeah, Leah's just so terrible! The only person who refuses to be happy like all the white people want her to! quote:At first I was really annoyed, though. I'm going to assume that unless otherwise stated, Jasper is hiding in every subsequent scene with Bella. quote:And I was euphoric the vast majority of the time. The days were not long enough for me to get my fill of adoring my daughter; the nights did not have enough hours to satisfy my need for Edward. This is extremely not how the Fates worked in mythology. Each person gets one thread that is cut when it's time to die. quote:Renesmee spoke her first word when she was exactly one week old. The word was Momma, which would have made my day, except that I was so frightened by her progress I could barely force my frozen face to smile back at her. It didn’t help that she continued from her first word to her first sentence in the same breath. “Momma, where is Grandpa?” she’d asked in a clear, high soprano, only bothering to speak aloud because I was across the room from her. She’d already asked Rosalie, using her normal (or seriously abnormal, from another point of view) means of communication. Rosalie hadn’t known the answer, so Renesmee had turned to me. If a week-old baby started speaking to me in full sentences, I would probably club it to death on the spot. quote:When she walked for the first time, fewer than three weeks later, it was similar. She’d simply stared at Alice for a long moment, watching intently as her aunt arranged bouquets in the vases scattered around the room, dancing back and forth across the floor with her arms full of flowers. Renesmee got to her feet, not in the least bit shaky, and crossed the floor almost as gracefully. So Jacob has basically had his entire mind taken over by imprinting and is now incapable of existing to do anything but coddle his future bride...and this is a good thing? quote:Edward and Carlisle threw themselves into research, looking for any answers, anything to expect. There was very little to be found, and none of it verifiable. This is the most disturbing child in fiction. Here's the official image from the Illustrated Guide:  quote:I’d been reading Tennyson to her one night, because the flow and rhythm of his poetry seemed restful. (I had to search constantly for new material; Renesmee didn’t like repetition in her bedtime stories as other children supposedly did, and she had no patience for picture books.) She reached up to touch my cheek, the image in her mind one of us, only with her holding the book. I gave it to her, smiling. This isn't how brain development works! Not only is she physically growing rapidly, she's also magically gaining adult levels of comprehension and intelligence just by observing things for a few months! quote:My hand was robotic as I took the book back. How does that make any kind of sense? Her growth rate has been anything but steady and she shows little connection to normal human biology at all! quote:But she was so healthy. Vital, bright, glowing, and happy. Her conspicuous well-being made it easy for me to be happy with her in the moment and leave the future for tomorrow. Oh, so you're worried she'll die by 15 but as long as she looks fine now you can be happy and put it off for later. Great. Cool. quote:Carlisle and Edward discussed our options for the future from every angle in low voices that I tried not to hear. They never had these discussions when Jacob was around, because there was one sure way to halt aging, and that wasn’t something Jacob was likely to be excited about. I wasn’t. Too dangerous! my instincts screamed at me. Jacob and Renesmee seemed alike in so many ways, both half-and-half beings, two things at the same time. And all the werewolf lore insisted that vampire venom was a death sentence rather than a course to immortality.… Jacob's not a "half and half" being! He's a werewolf, not a half-wolf monstrosity! And no, you don't know if you can just turn Renesmee into a vampire. Her biology is completely alien to all known living things. quote:Carlisle and Edward had exhausted the research they could do from a distance, and now we were preparing to follow old legends at their source. We were going back to Brazil, starting there. The Ticunas had legends about children like Renesmee.… If other children like her had ever existed, perhaps some tale of the life span of half-mortal children still lingered.… You didn't think of using the best resource the first time around? quote:The only real question left was exactly when we would go. ...why? quote:Even freed from old nightmares, from any dreams at all, it was impossible to forget the Volturi. Nor did they leave us without reminders. You....you invited them? What if they showed up? quote:The present itself was not overtly threatening. Extravagant, yes, almost frightening in that very extravagance. The threat was in the parting line of Aro’s congratulatory note, written in black ink on a square of heavy, plain white paper in Aro’s own hand: Unless Carlisle knows something we don't, King John did not pawn the crown jewels. While attempting to cross the Wash in 1216, an estuary on the east coast of England, he misjudged the current and many of the horse-drawn wagons in his baggage train were swept away. The rumor that he had faked the loss to use them as security for a loan comes from a single apocryphal account that does not match the historic record, and there's even evidence that the jewels weren't lost at all during this incident. And how would he even identify this necklace? There wasn't exactly photography around in the 13th century! Nobody can even agree on what treasure exactly was lost. Did the Volturi show it off to Carlisle when he stayed with them for a while? quote:The unsubtle reminder in Aro’s note interested me more than the jewel. The Volturi needed to see that I was immortal, that the Cullens had been obedient to the Volturi’s orders, and they needed to see this soon. They could not be allowed near Forks. There was only one way to keep our life here safe. Have you tried sending a letter or something? Clearly Alice knows how to get in touch with them. Arrange a conference? quote:You’re not going alone,” Edward had insisted through his teeth, his hands clenching into fists. "I am, after all, perfect." quote:Even in the short time I’d known Aro, I’d been able to see that he was a collector—and his most prized treasures were his living pieces. He coveted beauty, talent, and rarity in his immortal followers more than any jewel locked in his vaults. It was unfortunate enough that he’d begun to covet Alice’s and Edward’s abilities. I would give him no more reason to be jealous of Carlisle’s family. Renesmee was beautiful and gifted and unique—she was one of a kind. He could not be allowed to see her, not even through someone’s thoughts. Aro wants things that he can use. A half-breed able to project thoughts by touch is neat but functionally useless to him except as an ornament. Also, he's 3000 years old and the book keeps hinting at other people like Renesmee having existed. There's no reason to assume he's got no idea that this is a thing. quote:Alice did not see any trouble with my trip, but she was worried by the indistinct quality of her visions. She said they were sometimes similarly hazy when there were outside decisions that might conflict but that had not been solidly resolved. This uncertainty made Edward, already hesitant, extremely opposed to what I had to do. He wanted to come with me as far as my connection in London, but I wouldn’t leave Renesmee without both her parents. Carlisle was coming instead. It made both Edward and me a little more relaxed, knowing that Carlisle would be only a few hours away from me. Wait, your whole problem was that Edward would have his mind read and reveal Renesmee to the Volturi. But you're okay keeping Carlisle as backup nearby? quote:Alice kept searching for the future, but the things she found were unrelated to what she was looking for. A new trend in the stock market; a possible visit of reconciliation from Irina, though her decision was not firm; a snowstorm that wouldn’t hit for another six weeks; a call from Renée (I was practicing my “rough” voice, and getting better at it every day—to Renée’s knowledge, I was still sick, but mending). As usual, Meyer is suddenly realizing that it was a mistake to add a clairvoyant to the plot. quote:We bought the tickets for Italy the day after Renesmee turned three months. I planned for it to be a very short trip, so I hadn’t told Charlie about it. Jacob knew, and he took Edward’s view on things. However, today the argument was about Brazil. Jacob was determined to come with us.
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Jul 9, 2020 18:05
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Just reading the excerpts is draining. Like, I was legitimately worried that I had lost my ability to empathize with a character or feel emotion in general. Fortunately my niece is watching Brave Little Toaster and Blanky just came down from the attic, so I know that's not the case.
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Jul 9, 2020 23:54
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chitoryu12 posted:This is the most disturbing child in fiction. Here's the official image from the Illustrated Guide: Who the everloving gently caress puts that much makeup on a child?!
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Jul 10, 2020 00:42
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