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Josherino)
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i got a compliment earlier today it's a weird and bad experience I spend all day knowing exactly what to deal with as regards any amount of slander because that's all I do to myself in my head actually getting a compliment and not expecting it sent me into pure panic and I'm still kinda there I deeply dislike it and it makes me want to just delete everything and run away and hide i know why, even when I'm at my worst emotionally I'm always overanalyzing everything. i practice brutalizing myself constantly because it's what I actually believe, I don't get compliments because I do my best to assiduously avoid giving anybody any opportunity to talk about me, and I'm certainly not giving them to myself all it is is not having practice dealing with one of the most fundamental realities of being a human being, something that any three year old can take and respond to properly and my reaction is to go hide and cry and punish myself with work god i'm tired
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Jul 6, 2020 19:32
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| # ? May 27, 2024 17:07 |
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Theres a lot in this post that I think deserves attention, so I'm going to take it point by point. quote:Reading just a few pages I'm really humbled at seeing how much worse some people have things and I don't feel like I have any right to feel bad. quote:FWIW I'm crying for you, I'm crying for my species, my planet and all of our good intentions that have wound us up electing fascists and only caring about money even as our own people are dying. [...] I'm a bad person in a nation of bad people. I think we are all forced to be bad people. We are all forced to participate in this horrible farce called late capitalism. The question is, if everyone is forced to be bad, are there any good people? I think that there are--the people who feel bad about doing bad. The people who want to do good, but cant because everything is poo poo. And I think you are one of them. quote:My wife has been trying to talk me out of bumping myself off and so forth and I probably don't have the nerve to do it anyway, for her sake even though I'm nothing but a liability to her at this point. I feel like I've had a good run but my all friends and family have given up on me years ago and let me tell you folks, I'm not real chipper this morning. Is it that you dont have the nerve? Or is it that you think, in some small corner of yourself, that you are still worthy of your life? I think you are. And I think your wife does, too. I can't speak for her of course, but if your wife is trying to keep you safe, then she doesnt see you as a liability to her. I think that shes not ready to give up on you. None of this is to say that you shouldn't feel worthless or depressed. I think that's a perfectly reasonable reaction to the world as it is now in 2020. I write this response because, frankly, I think everyone deserves life--even you. After all, if you go, who will remind me that The Cheat is a striped green rabbit with two butts?
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Jul 6, 2020 20:22
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Zvahl posted:i got a compliment earlier today poo poo man, I used to be there too. It's a fuckdd mindset, and it's a bastard to get out of. Heres how I broke out of it. Maybe itll help you too. When someone gives you a compliment, write it down. Keep some kind of compliments journal. When you finish a piece of work--whether it's something job-related or just a shitpost that you are proud of--write it down. If you're feeling brave, ask friends why they think you are worthy of their friendship. Write down their responses. When you feel tired and depressed and unworthy of love, flip through your compliments journal. It's a battle inside yourself. One side says you deserve nothing but criticism. The other says you deserve nothing but love. When either side wins, you lose. But when both sides are locked in combat and you feel like you deserve both criticism and love--then you are truly free.
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Jul 6, 2020 20:30
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God, how long do antipsychotic discontinuation side effects last? I felt great while titrating for a week (went from 20mg to 10mg Latuda) but since stopping the meds two weeks ago to the day it's been a rollercoaster. Feeling anxious, floaty, like nothing is real. I have some days that feel alright-ish and other days where I feel like straight garbage. Had terrible insomnia last night, couldn't get to sleep until like 5am. I've historically been an anxious person but I don't remember feeling anything like this. Uuuugh.
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Jul 6, 2020 21:34
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My conservative family continues carrying on acting like everythings fine. They keep inviting me to big get togethers and they resent me more each time I say no because what theyre doing is insanely reckless and stupid. Big family, no masks because no one actually takes it seriously, which also means theyre probably not taking their safety in general public interactions seriously either. We live in one of the biggest cities in the country. My parents are in their mid-60s and full of preexisting conditions, I have a lot of siblings and they each have a lot of kids. I know that one of two things will happen eventually. Either one of those parties is going to cause most of my family to get infected, killing my parents and maybe some random others, or that somehow wont happen and Ill be forever ostracized as a lunatic who doesnt really care about being with his family. Either I end up right and people that I care about die or I end up (being perceived as) wrong and Im shunned by people that I care about.
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Jul 6, 2020 22:04
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Metro Melbourne is now fully locked down for another six weeks at least. Would be relieved if it wasn't for the mortgage thing.
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Jul 7, 2020 06:31
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novaSphere posted:God, how long do antipsychotic discontinuation side effects last? I felt great while titrating for a week (went from 20mg to 10mg Latuda) but since stopping the meds two weeks ago to the day it's been a rollercoaster. Feeling anxious, floaty, like nothing is real. I have some days that feel alright-ish and other days where I feel like straight garbage. I can't speak to antipsychotic discontinuation, but have you tried l-theanine for the anxiety? I had anxiety as a daytime side-effect of zopiclone, and l-theanine cut through it like butter. The anxiety from the zopiclone is a result of over-activity in the brain as it overcompensates for having the poo poo beat out of it by the zopiclone overnight. L-theanine works by reducing that kind of neural over-activity, and it thankfully doesn't make you tired so you can still operate during the day. I suspect at least part of the anxiety from antipsychotic discontinuation results from a similar over-compensation, so the l-theanine may be helpful for that.
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Jul 7, 2020 13:31
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petit choux posted:Just checked in on this thread because I started crying uncontrollably for several hours and that's something I haven't done in many years. Reading just a few pages I'm really humbled at seeing how much worse some people have things and I don't feel like I have any right to feel bad. As a friend of mine is fond of pointing out in group, misery is not the Olympics. Everyone has their own particular set of issues and problems that are by no means cheapened by others, regardless of who you are.
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Jul 7, 2020 17:52
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cool dance moves posted:Is it that you dont have the nerve? Or is it that you think, in some small corner of yourself, that you are still worthy of your life? I think you are. And I think your wife does, too. I can't speak for her of course, but if your wife is trying to keep you safe, then she doesnt see you as a liability to her. I think that shes not ready to give up on you. FWIW when I made my suicide attempt, at the time I thought the reason I survived was incompetence. Looking back, I'm almost certain I could've made it stick if I really wanted to. I wanted help, someone to get me out of the situation I was in, and I think a piece of my subconscious held out hope I'd survive and someone would do something. They did, so that's good, but boy howdy I would've appreciated getting there by literally any other method.
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Jul 7, 2020 17:55
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SubnormalityStairs posted:I can't speak to antipsychotic discontinuation, but have you tried l-theanine for the anxiety? I had anxiety as a daytime side-effect of zopiclone, and l-theanine cut through it like butter. The anxiety from the zopiclone is a result of over-activity in the brain as it overcompensates for having the poo poo beat out of it by the zopiclone overnight. L-theanine works by reducing that kind of neural over-activity, and it thankfully doesn't make you tired so you can still operate during the day. I suspect at least part of the anxiety from antipsychotic discontinuation results from a similar over-compensation, so the l-theanine may be helpful for that. I used to take L-Theanine about 4 years ago for some reason (brain fog or depression, probably) and can't remember why I stopped taking it. Maybe I'll give it another shot. I seem to be veering towards a depressive episode now; can't seem to catch a break. Edit: Perked up a bit after dinner and a walk. My appetite hasn't been very good lately so it might just have been food. Also, got a negative result on both the Covid diagnostic and antibody tests. At least I know I'm not a carrier right now. 
novaSphere has issued a correction as of 01:23 on Jul 8, 2020 |
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Jul 7, 2020 22:26
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Ugh my boss just said work is slow and wants me to brainstorm ideas to help the business while I work from home. Not much more I can do from here. If my hours are cut I lose my $43,000 condo down payment, as well as several thousand dollars in lawyer fees for nothing, and will have nowhere to live in a few months. Will also never be able to buy property again since foreigners can only buy new builds in Australia and there is no way I'm going to hope everything goes smoothly for another three years. Currently waiting for a Chinese national to sign off on the change to the contract we made after taking the contract from her... Ironically she had to back out in January after she got financially hosed by the virus. I thought it was gonna be like SARS and never leave asia. 
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Jul 8, 2020 03:28
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Ask me about self-esteem and self-worth. I can't break my executive dysfunction for more than 5 minutes to make my home livable for myself, but I cleaned like a maniac for 4 hours this morning because a gas fitter was coming to inspect my boiler and I was scared he'd get on the phone to one of those reality shows about hoarders.
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Jul 8, 2020 18:37
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Tarnop posted:Ask me about self-esteem and self-worth. I can't break my executive dysfunction for more than 5 minutes to make my home livable for myself, but I cleaned like a maniac for 4 hours this morning because a gas fitter was coming to inspect my boiler and I was scared he'd get on the phone to one of those reality shows about hoarders. Lol I do this too. Stuff just becomes part of the landscape until someone else might see the landscape and then it's a parade of panic inducing horrors
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Jul 8, 2020 23:54
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"You want some veggies from my garden?" "Sure!" "Great, I'll be right over." "UM"
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Jul 9, 2020 04:28
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Tarnop posted:Ask me about self-esteem and self-worth. I can't break my executive dysfunction for more than 5 minutes to make my home livable for myself, but I cleaned like a maniac for 4 hours this morning because a gas fitter was coming to inspect my boiler and I was scared he'd get on the phone to one of those reality shows about hoarders. This is my life as well though last few times I just cleaned halfway and went sorry about the mess
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Jul 9, 2020 05:52
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Trazedone: for when you need serotonin and you need it right the gently caress now
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Jul 9, 2020 07:47
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Is it hosed that I find Good Soldier Svjek's leaving very depressing?
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Jul 9, 2020 20:27
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Fuuuck my employer is making me change my hours and basically said the only reason we didn't lay you off is so you don't lose your 10% deposit/mortgage for your under construction condo. This is so stressful. Sales are down 30% and we just started another six week full lockdown. I'm hosed. I don't get any unemployment benefits here.
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Jul 10, 2020 04:10
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UnfortunateSexFart posted:Fuuuck my employer is making me change my hours and basically said the only reason we didn't lay you off is so you don't lose your 10% deposit/mortgage for your under construction condo. This is so stressful. Well, at least they're helping preserve your condo. Do you have the time/ability to find a new job right now?
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Jul 10, 2020 15:56
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Chokes McGee posted:Well, at least they're helping preserve your condo. Do you have the time/ability to find a new job right now? I don't. I have no tangible skills, no education, terrible resume, I'm getting/looking old, and I am on a temporary visa. There is no way I'm beating out Aussies for entry level jobs with a 30+% real unemployment rate during a full lockdown where cases are getting exponentially worse each day. It took me six months to find one that pays a little bit more than a McDonald's cashier before the pandemic. Laying me off is essentially deporting and bankrupting me. My condo would just be an anchor around my neck even if I was approved, despite buying something extremely modest (~530 sq feet) just to be safe/comfortable. If I had bought a two bedroom place, which I almost did, I'd have been declined by the bank already due to apartments dropping tens of thousands of dollars in value since we bought (Feb 2020). Just to keep this job I now have to work until 9am-7pm every day and also work a half day on Sunday. And I'm pretty sure the company is still extremely profitable considering we were selling $1 million worth of product every month with very low overhead. The owner just doesn't like the idea of having a temporarily smaller eight figure amount in his bank account so we all have to suffer when revenue goes down.
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Jul 10, 2020 21:25
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I'm tipsily posting this all over the loving place but, mental health thread, have a feelgood story: yesterday I rescued my old neighbor's cat - who ran off the day they moved to houston, 7 hours a way, 7 weeks ago, and who i looked for every single day until I finally saw her for the first time two days ago - and they immediately left their 4 month old baby with one of their parents and drove all the way back here as soon as I showed them pictures of her. Here we all are, with them reunited again. I hope this story and picture blesses you with some serotonin in these trying times. Good things still happen, and near-strangers might go to the ends of the earth to find and rescue your cat for you, states away, for weeks on end. So fuckin' happy right now. This will probably be my best memory from this god forsaken year.
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Jul 11, 2020 12:17
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You're a good person, thanks for posting that. I'm hugging my cat (he's not impressed) and having a little cry
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Jul 11, 2020 13:48
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every day i leave work im thiiiiiiiiiiiis close to saying 'i fuckin quit'. my workplace only started requiring everyone to wear a mask in april after i sent an email to HR asking what my options were for leaving an unsafe workplace and cited some state labor laws. the mask wearing rule isn't being enforced at all and my coworkers only put a mask on when we're in each others line of sight. my boss (who is supposed to be enforcing the rule) didnt put a mask on even after i told him 3 times in a row to put a mask on before leaving his office to speak to me. i've been wracking my brain over how to bring this up to HR again. there's no way to appeal to any of them morally or politically. i've already removed most of the leftist vocabulary and attempts to make anyone care about other people from the email i've drafted up. i know i have to keep it focused on labor law to get the higher ups to care enough to do anything. it's incredible how fuckin stupid people are and i just get angrier every day seeing people only wear a mask because they think they'll "get in trouble" and not because it will save lives. this isn't even to get started on how much other poo poo i could throw into an unsafe workplace case. im not out at work because i know my boss is in pretty deep with chud poo poo (he is very clearly racist and homophobic but he doesnt say slurs out loud in public so HR doesnt care) and i fear he would at best fire me or at worst incite violence. this is another thing i dont know how to bring up either because when you're keen to those sorts of things you sound crazy to the older white woman in HR when you have to explain the deep rooted problems in the world which they've never heard of before. my biggest slam dunk would be how unsafe the warehouse at work is. they stack the top shelves too high but of course my boss panics and gets someone to rearrange the shelving every time i take a picture of it or when they know an inspector is coming. there's no safety culture at all. i hate it there.
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Jul 11, 2020 16:03
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Feeling incredibly 'out of it' and floaty, for lack of a better term. Like things aren't real again. I'm feeling really hopeless and anxious about the covid situation in the USA and more and more people I know have been catching it. They're all 'fine', but I'm scared. I'm worried about my general health; my blood pressure is up, my resting heart rate is up, and I feel like I'm not getting enough air. I don't want to eat, but I know I'm hungry. I don't want to sleep, but I know I'm tired. I got the "what the gently caress do I do with my time" dread today. Ugh.
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Jul 11, 2020 19:31
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empty whippet box posted:I'm tipsily posting this all over the loving place but, mental health thread, have a feelgood story: yesterday I rescued my old neighbor's cat - who ran off the day they moved to houston, 7 hours a way, 7 weeks ago, and who i looked for every single day until I finally saw her for the first time two days ago - and they immediately left their 4 month old baby with one of their parents and drove all the way back here as soon as I showed them pictures of her. Here we all are, with them reunited again. I hope this story and picture blesses you with some serotonin in these trying times. Good things still happen, and near-strangers might go to the ends of the earth to find and rescue your cat for you, states away, for weeks on end. So fuckin' happy right now. This will probably be my best memory from this god forsaken year. Tarnop posted:You're a good person, thanks for posting that. I'm hugging my cat (he's not impressed) and having a little cry Agreed!
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Jul 11, 2020 22:03
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So I've swung from my manic phase back into depression. Having trouble getting interested in anything, mornings are absolute hell, and i feel like my work is suffering for it. It just feels like everything takes so much more effort. The only thing getting me through right now is the hope that either my meds will start to work (just increased dose at doctor's recommendation) or that i at least have some chance of cycling back out of these feelings since i am bipolar. I don't know, anyway, i took some caffeine pills today and it seems to be helping some. It at least made me feel more productive at work.
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Jul 12, 2020 01:48
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Edit: wrong thread
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Jul 12, 2020 02:26
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I'm having my PTSD appointment with the VA on Monday (contractor, more accurately). I'm pretty nervous but I think I know how to tell my story in a way that makes sense and also that helps with the paperwork which is sadly the most important part for this. worst come to worst, I get a lawyer and appeal. what a stupid system.
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Jul 12, 2020 04:14
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Consummate Professional posted:I'm having my PTSD appointment with the VA on Monday (contractor, more accurately). I'm pretty nervous but I think I know how to tell my story in a way that makes sense and also that helps with the paperwork which is sadly the most important part for this. It is a broken, rear end-backward, comes to the best conclusion last system but good on you for going forward with it. You deserve treatment and compensation for what the military has done. You can do it.
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Jul 12, 2020 04:23
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thank you, that's pretty much the decision I came to after a bunch of therapy. I don't know if I'll ever be fixed but as long as America and I are around they're gonna be on the hook.
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Jul 12, 2020 04:27
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You know that feeling when a friend has a major positive life milestone and you feel good for them but also feel bad that you haven't gotten there yet? My brother got married this week and now not only am I feeling isolated but also I've gotta self quarantine for two weeks so I can't even do anything about it lol
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Jul 12, 2020 04:48
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StashAugustine posted:You know that feeling when a friend has a major positive life milestone and you feel good for them but also feel bad that you haven't gotten there yet? My brother got married this week and now not only am I feeling isolated but also I've gotta self quarantine for two weeks so I can't even do anything about it lol well, I don't think my brother and I are friends but it's not bad to be at different stages in life. my younger brother is engaged and I can't fathom a life where I want that. everyone has a different path in life and the "traditional" one isn't always for everyone.
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Jul 12, 2020 05:00
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StashAugustine posted:You know that feeling when a friend has a major positive life milestone and you feel good for them but also feel bad that you haven't gotten there yet? My brother got married this week and now not only am I feeling isolated but also I've gotta self quarantine for two weeks so I can't even do anything about it lol after a while you just kind of get used to everyone passing you by while you just kind of failson your way thru life.
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Jul 12, 2020 06:16
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Too Many Birds posted:after a while you just kind of get used to everyone passing you by while you just kind of failson your way thru life. i always told my mom she'd have to wait for my younger siblings if she wanted grandkids and i was right 3 times over it's hard to feel to failson about it when my brothers two are "from his wife" and "from the babysitter for the first one" lol
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Jul 12, 2020 09:41
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Hey, I wanted to give my heartfelt thanks for your responses to my venting the other day. I have been really loving heartbroken over how things are going for my country and for the whole world, but I'm not often capable of very much emotion so I really felt pretty ill when I started crying and couldn't stop. Thank you for giving a drat about a stranger. I hope to be able to pass on the favor of your thoughtfulness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylLpplWSrNk
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Jul 12, 2020 20:06
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empty whippet box posted:I'm tipsily posting this all over the loving place but, mental health thread, have a feelgood story: yesterday I rescued my old neighbor's cat - who ran off the day they moved to houston, 7 hours a way, 7 weeks ago, and who i looked for every single day until I finally saw her for the first time two days ago - and they immediately left their 4 month old baby with one of their parents and drove all the way back here as soon as I showed them pictures of her. Here we all are, with them reunited again. I hope this story and picture blesses you with some serotonin in these trying times. Good things still happen, and near-strangers might go to the ends of the earth to find and rescue your cat for you, states away, for weeks on end. So fuckin' happy right now. This will probably be my best memory from this god forsaken year. hell yeah 
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Jul 13, 2020 02:41
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Hello goons I'm not ok today and had a minor meltdown earlier. I'm luckier than many and I recognize how privileged I am but gently caress me it's scary. I'll be looking for therapy options this week. Thanks for letting me share!
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Jul 13, 2020 16:53
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I just got done with my VA appointment. The doctor was fantastic, extremely transparent and made me feel heard. I'm so glad it got contracted out to her and I didn't get sent directly to a VA doctor. Now I wait for the VA to get their end completed which looks like it may be in October.
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Jul 13, 2020 17:41
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doctor upped my buspirone dose and holy poo poo i feel great
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Jul 13, 2020 17:46
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| # ? May 27, 2024 17:07 |
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I won't clog up this post by quoting them all, but I'm really glad people are still out there fighting and that this thread has been of help. You don't need me to tell you it's really rough right now, but at least we can all lean on each other. Keep on keepin' on, thread  Squalid posted:doctor upped my buspirone dose and holy poo poo i feel great If you're lucky enough to have boostbar work for you then it is a godsend I wish my brain behaved like everyone else's when it comes to anti-anxiety and antipsychotics 
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Jul 13, 2020 21:18
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