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The Rat
Aug 29, 2004

You will find no one to help you here. Beth DuClare has been dissected and placed in cryonic storage.

The VA gave me a referral and a local non-VA clinic did it a couple years ago. Wasn't any worse than a flu shot, and that was just the anesthetic injections. Didn't take valium or anything. Didn't pay a cent. Took a week off from PT and after that it was back to normal.

The doc explained that in addition to the cauterization, they also added titanium clamps on the vas just to make extra sure. So now it's like I'm a cyborg, right? :awesomelon:

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Doc Hawkins
Jun 15, 2010

Dashing? But I'm not even moving!


I was recently listening to a radio story concerning the history and current state of US eugenics programs, fun way to make yourself sick on a Tuesday night.

Platystemon
Feb 13, 2012

BREADS

The Rat posted:

The doc explained that in addition to the cauterization, they also added titanium clamps on the vas just to make extra sure. So now it's like I'm a cyborg, right? :awesomelon:

Appropriate element. The titan Cronus castrated Uranus.

The Rat
Aug 29, 2004

You will find no one to help you here. Beth DuClare has been dissected and placed in cryonic storage.

Titans, you say



e: I am greatly amused that the body's white blood cells start eating sperm after you've been snipped a while, so it's very literally like the Goya painting

Guest2553
Aug 3, 2012


I had mine done by a doc that ran what could best be described as a vasectomy parade. Once a week he'd have a dozen guys in gowns lining the hall outside the room where he did the deed. Enter one door, get your poo poo snipped on a local anasthetic, exit stage left and get dressed while they clean up the table. Dude's done so many he's rumored to have a success rate that's statistically measurable above baseline. No burning nut meat or digging around for spaghetti either, though the sight of the iodine tincture staining the padding threw me off for a sec before I realized it wasn't blood.

Just don't do heavy lifting unless you want to straddle a softball sized hematoma, according to the local Steven who didn't take the doctor's advice.

e. also be mentally ready to skeet red jello for a bit (this one was me)

Guest2553 fucked around with this message at 03:32 on Jul 15, 2020

MonkeyWash
Jan 14, 2005
Donkey Rinse



My snip was pretty uneventful, the problem I had was the follow up. I was stationed at White Sands and had to go to El Paso to give the follow up sample. It was too far of a drive to get the sample at home so I had to make do. I got my cup from the lab and asked where I was to go, they looked at me like I was an idiot, because I was. Of course an Army hospital doesn't have a spank shed. I considered going to my car but I figured that would get me arrested. I finally found a clinic that wasn't busy and had a bathroom with a lock. It still wasn't fun trying to rub one out in an Army hospital but I eventually manged.

US Berder Patrol
Jul 11, 2006

oorah

Guest2553 posted:

I had mine done by a doc that ran what could best be described as a vasectomy parade. Once a week he'd have a dozen guys in gowns lining the hall outside the room where he did the deed. Enter one door, get your poo poo snipped on a local anasthetic, exit stage left and get dressed while they clean up the table. Dude's done so many he's rumored to have a success rate that's statistically measurable above baseline. No burning nut meat or digging around for spaghetti either, though the sight of the iodine tincture staining the padding threw me off for a sec before I realized it wasn't blood.

Just don't do heavy lifting unless you want to straddle a softball sized hematoma, according to the local Steven who didn't take the doctor's advice.

e. also be mentally ready to skeet red jello for a bit (this one was me)

I asked my urologist how many he'd done, and max in a day

~3000, 5

Teketeketeketeke
Mar 11, 2007


Guest2553 posted:

e. also be mentally ready to skeet red jello for a bit (this one was me)

Wait....what?!
This thread is really reminding me that I need to get going on my own, but honestly not making me feel much worse about it :)

Memento
Aug 25, 2009


Bleak Gremlin

Guest2553 posted:

e. also be mentally ready to skeet red jello for a bit (this one was me)

I was prepared for this after copping a cricket ball in the nutsack when I was 21.

Never field silly mid-on without a cup.

UCS Hellmaker
Mar 29, 2008
Toilet Rascal
Lol I had mine done and never shot red.

The Rat
Aug 29, 2004

You will find no one to help you here. Beth DuClare has been dissected and placed in cryonic storage.

UCS Hellmaker posted:

Lol I had mine done and never shot red.

Same

Sormus
Jul 24, 2007

PREVENT SPACE-AIDS
sanitize your lovebot
between users :roboluv:
I thought the idea of vasectomy was that your sperm was better dead than red.

cult_hero
Jul 10, 2001
Honestly, why they don't just snip every recruit like they do with wisdom teeth is a bit of a mind boggler.

Doc Hawkins
Jun 15, 2010

Dashing? But I'm not even moving!


The Rat posted:

e: I am greatly amused that the body's white blood cells start eating sperm after you've been snipped a while, so it's very literally like the Goya painting

They do that all the time, in as much as you're producing sperm all the time and they have a limited lifespan.

mlmp08
Jul 11, 2004

Prepare for my priapic projectile's exalted penetration
Nap Ghost

cult_hero posted:

Honestly, why they don't just snip every recruit like they do with wisdom teeth is a bit of a mind boggler.

I know you’re probably joking, but eugenics is a lovely joke!

BIG HEADLINE
Jun 13, 2006

"Stand back, Ottawan ruffian, or face my lumens!"

cult_hero posted:

Honestly, why they don't just snip every recruit like they do with wisdom teeth is a bit of a mind boggler.

Because that'd just result in strange, new, and exciting STDs to replace the legions of unintended kids.

"It's cool, Amber-Lynn-Mary-Sue, we don't need no condoms. Uncle Sam done gone an' snipped me!" :downs:

canyoneer
Sep 13, 2005


I only have canyoneyes for you

US Berder Patrol posted:

I asked my urologist how many he'd done, and max in a day

~3000, 5

Had to get an ingrown toenail fixed as a teen. My parents primary care doctor was this awful D.O. who was a former Army doctor. He had these two gigantic, smelly bloodhounds in the office reception area too for some bizarre reason. He was, as you probably guessed, a pretty lousy physician.
After his two terrible attempts to fix it, I begged for a referral to a specialist.
While the podiatrist was doing his thing with cutting and cauterizing, I asked him how many he does every day. He said he's doing 12 today, and that's about average.

UnkleBoB
Jul 24, 2000

Beginner's Version, Copyright,
1991 - Please Copy and Distribute
Doctor who did my vasectomy has done over 50,000. He has billboards all over Florida and basically has a schedule of when he'll be in your area. Was chatting with him while he was doing mine and he also goes overseas to teach the procedure and do no-cost vasectomies. I got up on my elbows to watch them do the cauterizing part. Was pretty interesting. The week of low physical activity was fun. Vasectomy was a great decision.

Wild T
Dec 15, 2008

The point I'm trying to make is that the only way to come out on top is to kick the Air Force in the nuts, beart it savagely with a weight and take a dump on it's face.

The Rat posted:

The doc explained that in addition to the cauterization, they also added titanium clamps on the vas just to make extra sure. So now it's like I'm a cyborg, right? :awesomelon:

The Nosperminator

CainFortea
Oct 15, 2004


MonkeyWash posted:

My snip was pretty uneventful, the problem I had was the follow up. I was stationed at White Sands and had to go to El Paso to give the follow up sample. It was too far of a drive to get the sample at home so I had to make do. I got my cup from the lab and asked where I was to go, they looked at me like I was an idiot, because I was. Of course an Army hospital doesn't have a spank shed. I considered going to my car but I figured that would get me arrested. I finally found a clinic that wasn't busy and had a bathroom with a lock. It still wasn't fun trying to rub one out in an Army hospital but I eventually manged.

Yea, I just used my microscope and did my own home followup cause it's not exactly hard.

Also my first day back to work one of the shop dogs sprinted across the room and jumped up with both front paws and nut checked me. I was out another week after I managed to pick myself up off the floor.

Internet Wizard
Aug 9, 2009

BANDAIDS DON'T FIX BULLET HOLES

The Rat posted:

The VA gave me a referral and a local non-VA clinic did it a couple years ago. Wasn't any worse than a flu shot, and that was just the anesthetic injections. Didn't take valium or anything. Didn't pay a cent. Took a week off from PT and after that it was back to normal.

The doc explained that in addition to the cauterization, they also added titanium clamps on the vas just to make extra sure. So now it's like I'm a cyborg, right? :awesomelon:

I need to get on this, since I belong to a satellite clinic of yours. Although they tried to get me a referral to a non-VA physical therapist in my town because of the backlog, and it was denied because the VA can just schedule me for a 30 minute appointment instead.

Wild T
Dec 15, 2008

The point I'm trying to make is that the only way to come out on top is to kick the Air Force in the nuts, beart it savagely with a weight and take a dump on it's face.
A while back there was a poster in the USAF thread that I bought an av for about being an expert at semen processing. He had to do the sperm sample test for dudes who got the snip and at one point mentioned he was writing his eval and trying to list how many separate tests he'd done.

I told him he was writing it wrong - take the average sample volume, multiply by number of tests, then put it on his report that he processed XX gallons of semen. I still hope he took that advice and that's in someone's records somewhere.

Dillbag
Mar 4, 2007

Click here to join Lem Lee in the Hell Of Being Cut To Pieces
Nap Ghost
A friend of mine used to be a paramedic. He claims that he attended a call where a woman had found out her husband was cheating, so under the guise of giving him head she sliced one side of his nutsack open with her long fingernails. One bare ball was hanging out of his bleeding nutsack by the vas deferens as the guy screamed like a banshee and the other attending paramedic vomited outside.

Stupid_Sexy_Flander
Mar 14, 2007

Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?
Grimey Drawer
Ah, the ol' colombian bolo tie.

Wild T
Dec 15, 2008

The point I'm trying to make is that the only way to come out on top is to kick the Air Force in the nuts, beart it savagely with a weight and take a dump on it's face.
Sounds like a testy nutjob of a girlfriend.

Ugly In The Morning
Jul 1, 2010
Pillbug

Dillbag posted:

A friend of mine used to be a paramedic. He claims that he attended a call where a woman had found out her husband was cheating, so under the guise of giving him head she sliced one side of his nutsack open with her long fingernails. One bare ball was hanging out of his bleeding nutsack by the vas deferens as the guy screamed like a banshee and the other attending paramedic vomited outside.

I had a patient who was post vasectomy and had his ballbag reopen while he was taking a bath after (Do not take a hot bath right after a vasectomy). It was easily the nastiest thing I have ever seen.

Doc Hawkins
Jun 15, 2010

Dashing? But I'm not even moving!


The US Military Is Using Online Gaming to Recruit Teens


Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004

коммунизм хранится в яичках
Lol.

BIG HEADLINE
Jun 13, 2006

"Stand back, Ottawan ruffian, or face my lumens!"
~YMRA EHT NIOJ~

Wild T
Dec 15, 2008

The point I'm trying to make is that the only way to come out on top is to kick the Air Force in the nuts, beart it savagely with a weight and take a dump on it's face.
America's Army was a hilarious game. No matter which side you played, you were the Army and the other team were baddies.

To unlock classes you had to complete single-player training missions. I decided medic would be a fun starting class. In an FPS view I had to navigate a clinic (while the nurses chimed in with "I cannot wait to PCS! I love shopping at the on base commissary!"). I wander down a hall, into a room, then in an FPS video game get shown a Self Aid/Buddy Care PowerPoint.

I uninstalled, poo poo was just too realistic.

nullscan
May 28, 2004

TO BE A BOSS YOU MUST HAVE HONOR! HONOR AND A PENIS!

Always thought they'd should have you do a DTS mini game before loading each map, then have to process your travel vouchers after the match. Get some realism in.

CainFortea
Oct 15, 2004


I rather liked AA as gameplay. It wasn't so twitchy like CS

Nick Soapdish
Apr 27, 2008


Any new DOD game should have you have to do the cyber challenge before playing it

Syrian Lannister
Aug 25, 2007

Oh, did I kill him too?
I've been a very busy little man.


Sugartime Jones
Air Force, well Air Forced

https://www.dm.af.mil/Media/Article-View/Article/2273690/ecg-airman-receives-purple-heart/

Godholio
Aug 28, 2002

Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?
What the hell. What medal did he actually get?

Edit: Ok it's just a really lovely article. Hadn't looked at the other photos. I can't figure out the other medal.

Godholio fucked around with this message at 03:22 on Jul 16, 2020

Syrian Lannister
Aug 25, 2007

Oh, did I kill him too?
I've been a very busy little man.


Sugartime Jones

Godholio posted:

What the hell. What medal did he actually get?

Purple heart, further down it explained their reasoning.

I'm not a air force guy but he should have had what, an arcom or af equivalent?

Godholio
Aug 28, 2002

Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

Syrian Lannister posted:

Purple heart, further down it explained their reasoning.

I'm not a air force guy but he should have had what, an arcom or af equivalent?

I think they combined two things in the article. He clearly got two medals, so he probably did get wounded in addition to fixing whatever tech poo poo they gave him the other one for. I just can't tell what the hell it is. It doesn't look like an AFCM or AFAM, which are the usual ones (at his rank, typically an AFAM). The guy next to him has the AFCM.

Edit: Maybe it is an AFAM and just looks weird in the picture.

Godholio fucked around with this message at 03:27 on Jul 16, 2020

Ugly In The Morning
Jul 1, 2010
Pillbug

Godholio posted:

I think they combined two things in the article. He clearly got two medals, so he probably did get wounded in addition to fixing whatever tech poo poo they gave him the other one for. I just can't tell what the hell it is. It doesn't look like an AFCM or AFAM, which are the usual ones (at his rank, typically an AFAM).

The article mentions Purple Hearts being issued for “commendable behavior” twice so I think it is indeed just for fixing some stuff.

CainFortea
Oct 15, 2004


There's no mention of being wounded, i'm not sure what's goin on here.

Edit: Wait, did he get a purple heart because he might have gotten wounded while doing his repairs?

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Godholio
Aug 28, 2002

Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?
Not according to the medal requirements. It's pretty cut and dry. I think the article is just hosed. It'll probably be fixed in a day or so.

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