DC Comics: A Three Joker Army Couldn't Hold Me Back

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chaosapiant: Oct 10, 2012; White Line Fever

Edge & Christian posted:

Everyone remembers the vaginal spelunking sequence from Geoff Johns's brief run on the Avengers, but people don't talk enough about DELL RUSK, the second (of three times so far) that high ranking Nazi and German national Johann Schmidt aka the Red Skull manages to attain or control a cabinet level position in the United States Government.

He "forged a paper trail" but no one has ever met him prior to his Senate hearings, where he wore a skin mask so no one would know his face was a Red Skull. But just to be a stinker, he used the name Dell Rusk, which is an anagram for Red Skull. With such an impressive resume he got confirmed as Secretary of Defense, and then Dell Rusk diverted all money from AIDS research to spend years secretly forcing the CDC to develop a super flesh eating virus that would only kill black people.

But I guess "because deep down we're all the same" you can't make a bioweapon to kill only black people, so it would kill everyone. Then Red Skull tricked his AIM contractors into accidentally releasing it from the secret base under Mount Rushmore and killing a bunch of people, with the plan that as Secretary of Defense he'd "track down" the AIM terrorists to their "home country" Wakanda and order a nuclear strike on evil terrorist Wakanda and everyone would love Dell Rusk's bravery and leadership that he would get elected President so he could depopulate all of Africa.

But instead Falcon and Henry Gyrich spied on him using birds and tape recorders so he shot them and revealed himself as the Red Skull, but still thought maybe he could run for President until Falcon had him swarmed by angry birds and Black Panther punched his jaw off (with his bare fists, so Red Skull would know it was black skin that maimed/killed him.)

Then Black Panther cut up Red Skull and took his blood, which had the only cure for the bioweapon, and I guess shot all the dying Avengers full of it and then chemtrailed Red Skull blood over the whole country so no one else would die. Then President Bush apologized to the Avengers and appointed Carol Danvers head of Homeland Security and Henry Gyrich his chief of staff to make sure I guess the Red Skull doesn't some back as Les Durkl.

And then none of this is mentioned again because the following issue opens up with vaginal spelunking, and everyone just kind of moves on.

Why is �vaginal spelunking� not the thread title?

# ? Jul 20, 2020 00:09

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# ? May 27, 2024 15:17

site: Apr 6, 2007; Trans pride, Worldwide
Bitch

FilthyImp posted:

He
shrunk down and was massaging her g-spot
or perhaps wrestling her clit

So obviously she

will have to grab her exosuit and play punching bag with his prostate

Clearly Hank is into sounding

# ? Jul 20, 2020 00:09

Open Marriage Night: Sep 18, 2009; "Do you want to talk to a spider, Peter?"

Edge & Christian posted:

Everyone remembers the vaginal spelunking sequence from Geoff Johns's brief run on the Avengers, but people don't talk enough about DELL RUSK, the second (of three times so far) that high ranking Nazi and German national Johann Schmidt aka the Red Skull manages to attain or control a cabinet level position in the United States Government.

He "forged a paper trail" but no one has ever met him prior to his Senate hearings, where he wore a skin mask so no one would know his face was a Red Skull. But just to be a stinker, he used the name Dell Rusk, which is an anagram for Red Skull. With such an impressive resume he got confirmed as Secretary of Defense, and then Dell Rusk diverted all money from AIDS research to spend years secretly forcing the CDC to develop a super flesh eating virus that would only kill black people.

But I guess "because deep down we're all the same" you can't make a bioweapon to kill only black people, so it would kill everyone. Then Red Skull tricked his AIM contractors into accidentally releasing it from the secret base under Mount Rushmore and killing a bunch of people, with the plan that as Secretary of Defense he'd "track down" the AIM terrorists to their "home country" Wakanda and order a nuclear strike on evil terrorist Wakanda and everyone would love Dell Rusk's bravery and leadership that he would get elected President so he could depopulate all of Africa.

But instead Falcon and Henry Gyrich spied on him using birds and tape recorders so he shot them and revealed himself as the Red Skull, but still thought maybe he could run for President until Falcon had him swarmed by angry birds and Black Panther punched his jaw off (with his bare fists, so Red Skull would know it was black skin that maimed/killed him.)

Then Black Panther cut up Red Skull and took his blood, which had the only cure for the bioweapon, and I guess shot all the dying Avengers full of it and then chemtrailed Red Skull blood over the whole country so no one else would die. Then President Bush apologized to the Avengers and appointed Carol Danvers head of Homeland Security and Henry Gyrich his chief of staff to make sure I guess the Red Skull doesn't some back as Les Durkl.

And then none of this is mentioned again because the following issue opens up with vaginal spelunking, and everyone just kind of moves on.

That doesn�t seem so outlandish these days. They�re just more out in the open about their evil.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 00:16

Edge & Christian: May 20, 2001; Earth-1145 is truly the best!
A world of singing, magic frogs,
high adventure, no shitposters

Open Marriage Night posted:

That doesn�t seem so outlandish these days. They�re just more out in the open about their evil.

Which part of this do you feel is not outlandish "these days"?

# ? Jul 20, 2020 00:23

How Wonderful!: Jul 18, 2006; I only have excellent ideas

chaosapiant posted:

Why is �vaginal spelunking� not the thread title?

Because this is the DC thread.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 00:25

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

Edge & Christian posted:

Which part of this do you feel is not outlandish "these days"?

You dkn't think this guy is hiding a skeletor face under that mask?

# ? Jul 20, 2020 00:27

Edge & Christian: May 20, 2001; Earth-1145 is truly the best!
A world of singing, magic frogs,
high adventure, no shitposters

FilthyImp posted:

You dkn't think this guy is hiding a skeletor face under that mask?

I am reasonably sure that Wilbur Ross existed prior to the day he was nominated for Secretary of Commerce and that in fact people in the government, media, and general public did at least a cursory google search for him (often quite a bit more!) to confirm he wasn't a centenarian Nazi in a mask prior to his confirmation hearing? I mean I cannot 100% confirm that he's not a Skeletor wearing a human mask for the past 40-80 years because he's an old ugly dude that is fun to dunk on. I cannot confirm this any more than I can confirm that John Lewis is really dead, or that COVID is a hoax. I don't consider any of those things "plausible".

# ? Jul 20, 2020 00:40

Mr Hootington: Jul 24, 2008; I'M HAVING A HOOT EATING CORNETTE THE LONG WAY

Edge & Christian posted:

Which part of this do you feel is not outlandish "these days"?

It really reads like the mike pompeo biography

Edge & Christian posted:

I am reasonably sure that Wilbur Ross existed prior to the day he was nominated for Secretary of Commerce and that in fact people in the government, media, and general public did at least a cursory google search for him (often quite a bit more!) to confirm he wasn't a centenarian Nazi in a mask prior to his confirmation hearing? I mean I cannot 100% confirm that he's not a Skeletor wearing a human mask for the past 40-80 years because he's an old ugly dude that is fun to dunk on. I cannot confirm this any more than I can confirm that John Lewis is really dead, or that COVID is a hoax. I don't consider any of those things "plausible".

Lmao is today the day we find out E&C is a chud?

# ? Jul 20, 2020 00:41

site: Apr 6, 2007; Trans pride, Worldwide
Bitch

Stephen Miller is red skull in this scenario

# ? Jul 20, 2020 00:43

Mr Hootington: Jul 24, 2008; I'M HAVING A HOOT EATING CORNETTE THE LONG WAY

site posted:

Stephen Miller is red skull in this scenario

Yeah the entire plot fits like 20 evil idiots.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 00:47

Edge & Christian: May 20, 2001; Earth-1145 is truly the best!
A world of singing, magic frogs,
high adventure, no shitposters

Mr Hootington posted:

Lmao is today the day we find out E&C is a chud?

Which part is the part that's a chud, that I don't think Wilbur Ross is literally the Red Skull, that I think John Lewis is really dead, or that I do not believe that Covid is a hoax?

I should be clear, WIlbur Ross is a terrible person, I just do not believe he is a skeleton wearing a mask, nor that his old wrinkly face is what makes him a piece of poo poo.

I was admitting that I cannot absolutely prove that WIlbur Ross (or any other cabinet member) is not an old supervillain in a mask, just like I cannot personally absolutely prove that COVID-19 is not 'a hoax' or that John Lewis faked his death to join QAnon. There is a massive preponderance of evidence that all of those things are ridiculous and stupid and implausible. Kind of like how the Dell Rusk story is ridiculous and stupid and implausible. Which was my original point, but I was told it actually sounds pretty plausible?

Edge & Christian fucked around with this message at 00:55 on Jul 20, 2020

# ? Jul 20, 2020 00:50

Alaois: Feb 7, 2012

Mr Hootington posted:

Lmao is today the day we find out E&C is a chud?

the gently caress

# ? Jul 20, 2020 00:51

Nessus: Dec 22, 2003; After a Speaker vote, you may be entitled to a valuable coupon or voucher!

Really the most prescient part of it is that he used a cheap jumble of his actual name. That's if Dracula was nominated as Surgeon-General and he was just Dr. Vlad Acula.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 00:51

Mr Hootington: Jul 24, 2008; I'M HAVING A HOOT EATING CORNETTE THE LONG WAY

Edge & Christian posted:

Which part is the part that's a chud, that I don't think Wilbur Ross is literally the Red Skull, that I think John Lewis is really dead, or that I do not believe that Covid is a hoax?

I should be clear, WIlbur Ross is a terrible person, I just do not believe he is a skeleton wearing a mask, nor that his old wrinkly face is what makes him a piece of poo poo.

Ah you are wrong. We are all skeletons wearing masks. Checkmate

# ? Jul 20, 2020 00:53

howe_sam: Mar 7, 2013; Creepy little garbage eaters

Nessus posted:

Really the most prescient part of it is that he used a cheap jumble of his actual name. That's if Dracula was nominated as Surgeon-General and he was just Dr. Vlad Acula.

I always bounce off Dell Rusk being an anagram because Dean Rusk was an actual person, so it just sounds like a play in his name.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 01:02

The Last Call: Sep 9, 2011; Rehabilitating sinner

Open Marriage Night posted:

Johns didn�t destroy the entire corps. What Green Lanterns did he even kill off?

You know most of the Lanterns that Hal killed on his rampage to the battery? They became known as the Lost Lanterns and Johns had them return because god forbid Hal having actually killed any. Buuuuuuuuuuuut

quote:

During the War of Light, the Lost Lanterns began to disgregate, starting with the murders of Jack T. Chance and Ke'Haan at the hands of the Sinestro Corps (by Kyle Rayner possessed by Parallax[4] and the Anti-Monitor[5], respectively) during the Sinestro Corps War to later been reanimated as Black Lanterns[6]. After the Sinestro Corps War, the Guardians of the Universe designed Boodikka as one of the new Alpha Lantern Corps. Also, Laira was expelled from the Corps, only to later become one of the first Red Lanterns (and then murdered and converted into a Black Lantern). Only Tomar-Tu, Graf Toren and Hannu remain as Green Lanterns.

So yay?

# ? Jul 20, 2020 01:21

Open Marriage Night: Sep 18, 2009; "Do you want to talk to a spider, Peter?"

Secretary of Defense is Red Skull, the president is a snake person. Probably a couple Skrulls in the senate. It�s all super villains tripping over each other.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 02:51

Dawgstar: Jul 15, 2017

Keltar posted:

You know most of the Lanterns that Hal killed on his rampage to the battery? They became known as the Lost Lanterns and Johns had them return because god forbid Hal having actually killed any. Buuuuuuuuuuuut

So yay?

Johns getting super into having high body counts was also sure a thing.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 02:54

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Dawgstar posted:

Johns getting super into having high body counts was also sure a thing.

It's so weird for someone who also has such a loving hard on for the Silver Age.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 03:24

Darth Nat: Aug 24, 2007; It all comes out right in the end.

It's always fun to me that Johns' big event comics are always about bringing hope and optimism back to comics that are too dark and violent, for instance, all other comics by Geoff Johns.

Can't wait to see how Three Jokers is about how the Joker is too dark and violent while he rips Jason Todd's arm off.

Darth Nat fucked around with this message at 04:42 on Jul 20, 2020

# ? Jul 20, 2020 04:23

Lord_Hambrose: Nov 21, 2008; *a foul hooting fills the air*

I loved the scene in Brightest Day where Black Manta sees Aquaman on a TV screen, causing him to brutally murder everyone in his shop on the spot. What a fun direction to take one of the only Aquaman related characters most comic readers can name!

# ? Jul 20, 2020 04:42

Rhyno: Mar 22, 2003; Can't post for 10 years!

Blackest Night has that one great page where the dead heroes were restored and Superman is so happy to see J'onn.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 04:46

Roth: Jul 9, 2016

I'm not sure if that Brightest Day post is ironic or not, but I agree.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 04:47

Lord_Hambrose: Nov 21, 2008; *a foul hooting fills the air*

Roth posted:

I'm not sure if that Brightest Day post is ironic or not, but I agree.

While Black Manta really hating Aquaman is a good direction, making a character commit casual nonsensical murders is lazy writing.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 04:51

Roth: Jul 9, 2016

I think it's really trashy, but I like it as in "Boy, this character really loving hates Aquaman" and showing people that page to go "Look at how much this dude really loving hates Aquaman"

# ? Jul 20, 2020 04:53

Edge & Christian: May 20, 2001; Earth-1145 is truly the best!
A world of singing, magic frogs,
high adventure, no shitposters

Open Marriage Night posted:

Secretary of Defense is Red Skull, the president is a snake person. Probably a couple Skrulls in the senate. It�s all super villains tripping over each other.

I agree, superhero comics are stupid and thinking about them critically is a waste of time. Sorry to have wasted your time with it!

# ? Jul 20, 2020 04:55

Lord_Hambrose: Nov 21, 2008; *a foul hooting fills the air*

Honestly, I did like it for how silly it was. Pretty sure he cuts a guys arm off and everything.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 04:56

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

E&C going turbonerd on "Well no actually the Secretary of Labor is NOT a Crypt Keeper" is today's gift to me.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 05:52

How Wonderful!: Jul 18, 2006; I only have excellent ideas

Roth posted:

I think it's really trashy, but I like it as in "Boy, this character really loving hates Aquaman" and showing people that page to go "Look at how much this dude really loving hates Aquaman"

If I were the writer I would have simply had him point to Aquaman on the TV and say "hey everybody, I loving HATE that GUY."

# ? Jul 20, 2020 06:00

Roth: Jul 9, 2016

How Wonderful! posted:

If I were the writer I would have simply had him point to Aquaman on the TV and say "hey everybody, I loving HATE that GUY."

I think what really makes it for me is that it's followed by a scene walking into the ocean, and then jumping out, like a dolphin, in full costume screaming "AQUAMAN!!!!"

# ? Jul 20, 2020 06:03

Jiro: Jan 13, 2004

Roth posted:

I think what really makes it for me is that it's followed by a scene walking into the ocean, and then jumping out, like a dolphin, in full costume screaming "AQUAMAN!!!!"

Truly this is the best man DC had to helm their giant movie franchise.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 06:46

BrianWilly: Apr 24, 2007; There is no homosexual terrorist Johnny Silverhand

I mean Black Manta in that film was awesome so yeah, kinda

# ? Jul 20, 2020 06:59

Jiro: Jan 13, 2004

BrianWilly posted:

I mean Black Manta in that film was awesome so yeah, kinda

That had nothing to do with Johns and everything to do with James Wan having a specific vision of how to make a Frat Bro Aquaman palatable.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 07:15

Roth: Jul 9, 2016

To be honest, I'm perfectly fine with that level of schlock in comic books. It's a level of trash I can appreciate.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 07:17

Shirkelton: Apr 6, 2009; I'm not loyal to anything, General... except the dream.

What does Frat Bro mean in this context.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 07:33

Jiro: Jan 13, 2004

Dan Didio posted:

What does Frat Bro mean in this context.

Dumb meathead jock archetype, is shown to be stupid at times and or clueless. Even the edgier versions of Arthur, cartoon Justice League from the early 00's/hook hand, didn't portray him as sort of a moron like the movie did at times. Don't get me wrong though I enjoyed the Aquaman movie, it has sadly been the most enjoyable movie of that entire movie universe.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 08:10

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

Dan Didio posted:

What does Frat Bro mean in this context.

In the scene where Mera unlocks some Atlantean doodad, she uses a bead of sweat to provide the water needed for it to kick into gear.

Aquamomoa goes "I could have just peed on it"

# ? Jul 20, 2020 08:33

BrianWilly: Apr 24, 2007; There is no homosexual terrorist Johnny Silverhand

The DC Extended Urineverse

# ? Jul 20, 2020 10:28

Yvonmukluk: Oct 10, 2012; Everything is Sinister

Jiro posted:

Truly this is the best man DC had to helm their giant movie franchise.

Sadly this may have been true. There were almost certainly better women around, though.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 18:36

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# ? May 27, 2024 15:17

The Last Call: Sep 9, 2011; Rehabilitating sinner

Darth Nat posted:

It's always fun to me that Johns' big event comics are always about bringing hope and optimism back to comics that are too dark and violent, for instance, all other comics by Geoff Johns.

Can't wait to see how Three Jokers is about how the Joker is too dark and violent while he rips Jason Todd's arm off.

I remember how a year back Johns was going on about how things were too dark or whatever and he basically blamed Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns as the reasons why. Yet he was the guy who was having people gruesomely killed every other issue or during some event, he was basically the chief offender in horrible poo poo happening at DC.

# ? Jul 20, 2020 22:43

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