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Josherino)
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Echoing that Chokes you're a good person for doing this I have to go back to work next week, on one hand this means being in a lab and I have to actually get up and do things instead of posting all day; but at least I'm teaching a robot to cut throats so that's cool
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Jul 25, 2020 03:49
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| # ? May 25, 2024 23:39 |
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Thanks, all. It escalated to an ER trip but not hospitalization. They figured out a long term antianxiety drug that they can give me while I find a doctor that isn't worthless. I have high hopes of recovering at least enough to unfuck my life right now.
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Jul 25, 2020 07:22
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Chokes McGee posted:Thanks, all. It escalated to an ER trip but not hospitalization. They figured out a long term antianxiety drug that they can give me while I find a doctor that isn't worthless. Glad that you're okay. Careful when taking new meds. Especially anxiety/anti-depressant meds. They can have the opposite effect and make everything worse.
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Jul 25, 2020 11:01
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Chokes McGee posted:Thanks, all. It escalated to an ER trip but not hospitalization. They figured out a long term antianxiety drug that they can give me while I find a doctor that isn't worthless. Hurray, glad you're okay. Which drug did they figure out to give you?
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Jul 25, 2020 11:57
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novaSphere posted:Hurray, glad you're okay. Which drug did they figure out to give you? Vistiril. I've taken it before for anxiety, it seems to agree with me well enough. Knocks me the gently caress out though.
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Jul 25, 2020 22:29
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Glad you got something figured out. I have been feeling somewhat better since my doctor increased my lamictal dose. Still kind of down but not really depressed like i was. I also started taking 5 hydroxy tryptophan and i think it might be helping alongside my meds.
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Jul 26, 2020 02:58
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Really, thank you guys for your support. That was a really scary to place to be in. Keep holding each other up in this thread, y'all. It means a lot.
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Jul 26, 2020 05:59
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even though i rarely post, this thread has been super helpful for me, especially when i've been at my lowest. just wanted to say thanks, chokes, and that i'm glad you seem to be doing a bit better
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Jul 26, 2020 14:27
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Packing my go bag, it's hospital time Truck's in charge while I'm gone, try not to burn anything down
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Jul 26, 2020 23:43
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Chokes McGee posted:Packing my go bag, it's hospital time Can we watch TV after dinner? (Serious hope you're okay dude)
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Jul 27, 2020 00:11
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Chokes McGee posted:Packing my go bag, it's hospital time be well friend
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Jul 27, 2020 00:24
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Chokes McGee posted:Packing my go bag, it's hospital time stay safe and best wishes
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Jul 27, 2020 01:18
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Chokes McGee posted:Packing my go bag, it's hospital time *pulls out matches, gas* Chokes McGee posted:try not to burn anything down Awwwwww nevermind  For real though, take care Chokes. We'll be waiting for you <3
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Jul 27, 2020 02:26
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Chokes McGee posted:Packing my go bag, it's hospital time Godspeed friend
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Jul 27, 2020 04:39
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Don't want to undercut Chokes here but sounds like a lot of people are having a Normal One recently. My friends are all feeling it. I had another steep depressive episode today after returning from a trip; felt super hopeless with racing, intrusive, catastrophic thoughts and felt like I was dissociating. Blasted out texts to my friends and therapist, cried a whole bunch, then played Deep Rock Galactic with some buds over discord. Gonna meet with the therapist tomorrow and start on 25mg Pristiq. I'm scared of side effects and discontinuation symptoms...but I'm really struggling. It's so loving hard.
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Jul 27, 2020 04:58
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Please take care, Chokes. Thank you for all that you do!
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Jul 27, 2020 05:51
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i would like some input on whether i ought to smoke a prerolled joint i bought a few weeks ago. i know, i know: "one joint, you're lame as hell, just smoke the drat thing." but allow me to give some context. just under a year ago, i had some psychotic symptoms. they went away after i was on risperdal for six weeks, but the whole thing was terrifying enough for me to want to stay away from any triggers. the doctors suggested that it *maybe* had to do with the weed I was smoking, although I am skeptical. I had been smoking weed for years and years (sometimes on a daily basis) without serious problems, and i was actually tapering my use down (to once a week or so) at the time my symptoms happened. I was going through a very difficult breakup at the time, and I was also very unhappy at work; there were a lot of reasons for me to have a serious depressive episode that tipped over into psychosis. it's *possible* that the weed i was smoking was laced with something, since i got it from some random contact of a contact. when i say psychosis, i mostly mean poo poo like paranoia and some (maybe, although i felt terrible the entire time) delusions of grandeur. i had some mild visual things like flashes of light in my peripheral vision that freaked me out. for whatever it's worth, i sought out help for them myself; i wasn't dragged into a hospital. anyway, i am fairly sure that this indica joint will not send me into a tailspin, but we are in hellworld and I would like to know people's thoughts. I went off the risperdal with doctor supervision because it gave me horrible mouth sores and made me extremely tired. since december, i've just been relying on cbd gum and meditation, and it's actually worked really well. i don't need to smoke the joint, but i would probably feel better from it for a while since the world loving sucks.
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Jul 27, 2020 06:00
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Just a regular cry for help here (I sobbed for two hours before I even could make this post). Im in a spiral and I live in filth. But sometimes I can do enough drugs to at least reach out, and Ive made friends over the years. Who I let down constantly, let alone failing romantic partners over and over too. everything feels empty and sad and always has to some extent (I describe my depression as my voice, kniws me back to front, and it wants me aallmost dead) Im not planning anything right now but theres the feeling of being a ticking clock waiting for a chance. I'm too reckless about Covid because maybe it's time, but then the spectre of permanent disability past what Ive already got, rises up. Anyway Im gonna post this before I erase it
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Jul 27, 2020 19:30
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lmaopocalypse posted:Just a regular cry for help here (I sobbed for two hours before I even could make this post). Im in a spiral and I live in filth. But sometimes I can do enough drugs to at least reach out, and Ive made friends over the years. Who I let down constantly, let alone failing romantic partners over and over too. Hey, so I asked one of the mods to get you PM's. I'm going to send you one in a few minutes. It'll be in your user control panel after I send it. I'll try and get you some help and maybe access to some resources.
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Jul 27, 2020 19:59
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Ice Phisherman posted:Hey, so I asked one of the mods to get you PM's. I'm going to send you one in a few minutes. It'll be in your user control panel after I send it. I'll try and get you some help and maybe access to some resources. Thank you so much
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Jul 27, 2020 20:08
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I'm dealing long-distance with my elderly parents who will do literally nothing to help themselves, as they get more and more sick and crippled. They have mentally given up, hate the entire world, and expect me to clean up the mess. I'm basically waiting for them to drop dead so I can get my ticket off of this planet. I wonder how they would feel if they knew that? That their legacy was to repeatedly disown one son and help crush the spirit of the other to the point where he's looking forward to not having to be alive. That they would finish off their lives with basically no family, almost no friends, living in the middle of nowhere, afraid of everything. Angry at everyone. Great fuckin job Mom & Dad. I turned out awesome.
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Jul 27, 2020 22:11
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TheLemonOfIchabod posted:i would like some input on whether i ought to smoke a prerolled joint i bought a few weeks ago. i know, i know: "one joint, you're lame as hell, just smoke the drat thing." but allow me to give some context. Honestly, I wouldn't :/
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Jul 28, 2020 01:13
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Dick Trauma posted:I'm dealing long-distance with my elderly parents who will do literally nothing to help themselves, as they get more and more sick and crippled. They have mentally given up, hate the entire world, and expect me to clean up the mess. I'm basically waiting for them to drop dead so I can get my ticket off of this planet.  entirety. you don't owe them anything and they'll be dead soon* and you'll have wasted decades of your life mentally exhausting yourself over them."blood" is bullshit
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Jul 28, 2020 02:09
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TheLemonOfIchabod posted:i would like some input on whether i ought to smoke a prerolled joint i bought a few weeks ago. i know, i know: "one joint, you're lame as hell, just smoke the drat thing." but allow me to give some context. I gotta say this is a rare time I would say don't smoke weed. do you have a babysitter? or a support system if you start start experiencing these symptoms again? I absolutely understand the urge to use substances to relax, I'm an alcoholic. but it sounds like you can realistically fight this urge and carry on without smoking.
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Jul 28, 2020 02:16
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hey yall, In the past month Ive noticed an increase in agitation and feeling more depressed than I have been in recent times. Do I think much of it has to do with Covid? Well, maybe. 2020 has brought a lot of major life changes for me. I welcomed my second child into the world and bought a house, which is exciting but gently caress its in the middle of a time where I feel helpless most of the time. Ive been fortunate enough to maintain a job throughout the pandemic, but that means showing up, masking up, and trying to social distance myself on a job site with 200 other people 5 days a week. I stress about who I come in contact with and if I bring it home to my family. Its got me fatigued and going through a little insomnia now. I dont feel like Im thinking straight. Im currently involved in taking the week off to ease my mind, as much as I can. Ive brought it up to supervision before but thats been met with groans. I spoke with a close friend on Saturday and he reminded me about how the health of myself and family should always come before a contractor and their goals. It gave me some fire about the situation so I called out today. I plan on calling out tomorrow. Honestly, Im not all that worried about my job. A little background on myself. Ive been diagnosed with depression since I was in my late teens. At different intervals Ive been prescribed an SSRI, but havent taken one in years. Im also an alcoholic and junkie and have fought that battle since my teenage years, but Ive been sober for nearly 5 years now. My concern is that I dont spiral down more than I feel like I have already because I already feel a little unhinged. Im kicking the tires on seeking professional counseling but until then Im here talking to yall.
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Jul 28, 2020 03:16
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Congratulations on your sobriety. That's excellent.
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Jul 28, 2020 04:39
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Today's my first dose of Pristiq 25mg, the lowest possible dose. Just woke up to a wave of anxiety and feeling incredibly... uncomfortable, for lack of a better term. I hate psych meds and these adjustment periods so much. I just want to feel better 
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Jul 28, 2020 09:10
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Xaris posted:Maybe it's hard, but just Joke's on you: I've already wasted decades of my life! 
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Jul 28, 2020 10:32
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Dick Trauma posted:Joke's on you: I've already wasted decades of my life! well you don't have to waste anymore of it. take it from me, it felt really good to just Give Up on my lovely mom. write them off.
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Jul 28, 2020 19:16
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I wish I could but I can't. They are pathetic, sick, old people who have driven most everyone off and were already badly isolated before the pandemic struck. Their life is going to collapse in on them any day now and I can't just walk away from their suffering. Wish I could. But I can't. My existence has basically been as a life support system for them, to help lessen the damage of their lovely choices. Going to have to ride this train all the way to the station. They are not terrible human beings, I just don't want to know them. I didn't want my fate tied to theirs but I have proven unable to disengage.
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Jul 28, 2020 19:24
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Why can't you? My parents are similar and I haven't seen them in almost two years and only talk to them briefly for holidays/birthdays etc.
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Jul 28, 2020 22:27
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Chokes McGee posted:Truck's in charge while I'm gone, try not to burn anything down https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/e6369f86-64ab-4de2-a473-622c9e47a636
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Jul 29, 2020 15:15
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had a really really lovely dream, the kind that seems silly in retrospect but dream-world dials your emotions to 11, and it's just ruined my entire day already.
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Jul 29, 2020 15:48
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UnfortunateSexFart posted:Why can't you? I'm too weak. I should've cut them off years ago when they were still relatively healthy, because to do so now when they are in terrible trouble would cause them immense pain. Without my help they could easily become institutionalized or even homeless and although I haven't loved them since I was a child my conscience cannot bear the thought of abandoning them to such a horrible fate. I wouldn't wish that on strangers. My guilt would be unmanageable. I just spoke with my father (as of this week my mother can no longer speak due to her illness) and he's asking me for medical advice because he insists that doctors don't know anything/don't return calls/say that nothing can be done. His story kept changing and getting twisted up on itself. I tried to contain my anger. The both of them are so bitter about their lives that they often cut off the people trying to help them, and dealing with a serious and rare disease is hard enough without that. When he told me that one doctor's office said that they would only give my mother an appointment if he promised to behave himself I could only shake my head. He thought it was an outrage. I suspect he was awful to them. I told him "if you are in a bad situation and have few options you owe it to yourself to explore those options fully, even if it means working much harder than you expected, or is fair. Because if you don't explore those options then it's over and she is going to get even more crippled and die." This is the proverbial slow motion car crash, and I just want it to come to an end so I can move on to the cleanup phase. I've daydreamed about what will be required. Leaving work, driving to AZ. Finding housing for one or both of them. Liquidating their assets. Cleaning up the financial mess they've created. Dick Trauma has issued a correction as of 17:55 on Jul 29, 2020 |
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Jul 29, 2020 17:53
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Dick Trauma posted:I'm too weak. I should've cut them off years ago when they were still relatively healthy, because to do so now when they are in terrible trouble would cause them immense pain. Without my help they could easily become institutionalized or even homeless and although I haven't loved them since I was a child my conscience cannot bear the thought of abandoning them to such a horrible fate. I wouldn't wish that on strangers. My guilt would be unmanageable. goons are super quick to advocate for sever but don't feel bad if you can't do it. it's really not an easy thing at all, whether it would actually be better for your own mental health or not. have you tried talking to any of their doctors yourself? it might be time you need to start. you might be able to at least get a handle of what's going on and get advice on next steps. if your parents hear that information from you they might be more likely to listen and do what's best for them.
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Jul 29, 2020 18:04
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Dick Trauma posted:I'm too weak. I should've cut them off years ago when they were still relatively healthy, because to do so now when they are in terrible trouble would cause them immense pain. Without my help they could easily become institutionalized or even homeless and although I haven't loved them since I was a child my conscience cannot bear the thought of abandoning them to such a horrible fate. I wouldn't wish that on strangers. My guilt would be unmanageable. Everything you're feeling is 100% legitimate and super logical. You are a product of their parenting. It has nothing to do with being weak. I understand the morbid fatalistic obsession with being a passenger in this hell reality. You are living in a world lying on your back bound to the floor with a knife above your stomach that falls 1 inch a year. That is a difficult life. But it does not have to be like that. Therapy/psychiatry are interrupting forces. They help you become more powerful so you can destroy those chains that bind you to the floor below the slow-falling knife. But, and I say this from my own experience, it's quite scary to be free from those chains. Now you'll have freedom, and your brain actually knows this and will get you to do anything it can to not have that freedom, since it has an uncertain future where as at least with the hellworld you've already plotted every piece of the story including the ending. The path of therapy and self-empowerment is not easy but it will bring the joy and serenity you're looking for. thehandtruck has issued a correction as of 19:48 on Jul 29, 2020 |
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Jul 29, 2020 19:14
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Crusty Nutsack posted:goons are super quick to advocate for sever but don't feel bad if you can't do it. it's really not an easy thing at all, whether it would actually be better for your own mental health or not. Yeah I'm not saying it is easy or even always advisable but it seems like several of us are better off for doing so. I know I am. But yet I still felt guilty when my dad was recently diagnosed with cancer.
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Jul 29, 2020 23:43
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I'm back. Hoo boy that was a ride. I ended up having a minor psychotic break and almost got involuntaried by my wife. She finally got me to the place and we proceeded to wait for an hour and 45 minutes, with a dude literally howling in sorrow in the wading room (me), and saw no one. Right around the time a patient wandered by and pressed her hand forlornly against the inner door glass was when Mrs. Chokes checked if I was still suicidal---I was not, and had calmed down enough to be coherant/rational---and then got us the hell out of there. I have never been happier to sleep in my own bed. Anyway, we finally found a loving doctor that would see me on short notice and finally got my meds straightened out. The fact that my original pdoc ghosted me and then the practice wouldn't give me an actual doctor is what made all this possible. I'm pissed, but at least I'm safe and functional now. Thanks for the good thoughts, everyone. I'm ok now. e: lol that typo, I'm leaving it because it owns Chokes McGee has issued a correction as of 01:57 on Jul 30, 2020 |
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Jul 30, 2020 01:55
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Glad to hear you avoided the involuntary, that sounds scary as gently caress. Your wife sounds like an absolute gem, you're lucky to have her. Look after yourself 
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Jul 30, 2020 02:13
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Tarnop posted:Glad to hear you avoided the involuntary, that sounds scary as gently caress. Your wife sounds like an absolute gem, you're lucky to have her. Look after yourself She absolutely is. I've never had anyone in my life even remotely concerned about my wellbeing. My brain still can't process it.
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Jul 30, 2020 02:21
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