Chinathread: Look at this pig'zhuge balls!

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Chinathread: Look at this pig'zhuge balls!

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GoutPatrol: Oct 17, 2009; *Stupid Babby*

McGavin posted:

https://twitter.com/i/status/1288108156749361159

Ama huhu

# ? Jul 28, 2020 23:52

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# ? May 29, 2024 22:27

Devils Affricate: Jan 22, 2010

McGavin posted:

https://twitter.com/i/status/1288108156749361159

I feel like this video skipped some steps

# ? Jul 29, 2020 00:02

vanity slug: Jul 20, 2010

Devils Affricate posted:

I feel like this video skipped some steps

it took a great leap forward

# ? Jul 29, 2020 01:11

D-Pad: Jun 28, 2006

Grand Fromage posted:

If you're going to make fried rice with freshly cooked rice, it's actually a good idea to rinse the starch off so it won't clump as much. Same thing you do to noodles when you're going to fry them or make something like zaru soba. But then you need to spread the rice out on a tray and let it dry for an hour at least before you continue on, that's where it gets weird. If the rice isn't dry it's going to be a disaster. Overnight in the fridge or spread out and fanned, either works.

Yeah, rinse it off before you cook it, not after like an insane person

# ? Jul 29, 2020 01:16

Grand Fromage: Jan 30, 2006; L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?

D-Pad posted:

Yeah, rinse it off before you cook it, not after like an insane person

No. Cooking the rice releases starch. It will clump less if you rinse it after it's cooked. You don't have to do it, but it makes it easier to work with.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 02:42

Ailumao: Nov 4, 2004

i just use day old rice which i know this thread thinks is like playing russian roulette every time.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 02:49

BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

All this faffing about to cook rice.

I just chuck it in the rice cooker, put in some water and press the button. The cooker then beeps and tells me when it is done.

Am I the only one who does it the easy way?

# ? Jul 29, 2020 03:00

GoutPatrol: Oct 17, 2009; *Stupid Babby*

BrigadierSensible posted:

All this faffing about to cook rice.

I just chuck it in the rice cooker, put in some water and press the button. The cooker then beeps and tells me when it is done.

Am I the only one who does it the easy way?

I'm sure most people do. Using a rice cooker is the easiest way to cook rice, that's how I do it. But I'm guessing rice cookers are less common in the UK, especially in white people's homes.

I really, really don't hate most online screaming contests about inauthentic or authentic cooking. There are alot of complaints to made about under-representation in restaurants or food writing/criticism. What I don't like it complaining about something when the argument boils down to "my mom didn't make it like that"

# ? Jul 29, 2020 03:45

Vegetable: Oct 22, 2010

Grand Fromage posted:

If you're going to make fried rice with freshly cooked rice, it's actually a good idea to rinse the starch off so it won't clump as much. Same thing you do to noodles when you're going to fry them or make something like zaru soba. But then you need to spread the rice out on a tray and let it dry for an hour at least before you continue on, that's where it gets weird. If the rice isn't dry it's going to be a disaster. Overnight in the fridge or spread out and fanned, either works.

Literally nobody does this please don't rinse your rice

# ? Jul 29, 2020 04:05

Fojar38: Sep 2, 2011; Sorry I meant to say I hope that the police use maximum force and kill or maim a bunch of innocent people, thus paving a way for a proletarian uprising and socialist utopia

also here's a stupid take
---------------------------->

In late March a notorious hawk in the PLA, Dai Xu, supposedly gave a speech about Sino-American relations that seems to exhibit astonishing clarity considering its source. The Korean newspaper JoongAng Ilbo published a story about it.

The story is here, but it's in Korean:

https://news.joins.com/article/23828567

Someone on reddit provided a translation of the content. I don't speak Korean so if this translation is totally wrong then Goons who do please correct it

It also is unsourced as far as I can tell, but seems to be circulating on the Chinese internet regardless.

reddit posted:

China has been under unprecedented levels of attack on all sides by the US, giving rise to a sense of poignant regret that China has been misunderstanding the US. A speech regarding this issue given by Professor Dai Xu from China�s National Defense University has recently been gaining much attention from Chinese media.

Dai Xu is one of China�s most representative military hawk�s; he was chosen as one of the most influential figures in 2010 and is also widely known for being�one of Henan�s (Xu�s hometown) top three brains�.

While the United States is reviewing a travel ban on all CCP members and their family members to the US, Dai Xu�s speech on �four things that China overlooked and ten new perceptions about the United States� has been a popular topic among the Chinese.

The first thing Dai Xu claims that China has overlooked about the US is that China didn�t realize that America had so much resentment against them. According to Xu, President Donald Trump has not even a speck of goodwill for China and although he has been calling them a series of names including �trade terrorist�, �invader of the global economy�, �cheaters�, �thieves�, �rule breakers�, to the Chinese, America�s grudge feels like a punch out of the blue. While America says it will not idly stand by and ignore all of China�s evildoings, Xu adds that America is using all its resources to �demonize� China.

The second is that China did not know America�s tactics would be so �brutal�. Dai Xu said that China�s top government officials and professionals, himself included, did not expect an all-out attack from the US, without any wiggle room to even take a breath. US-China relations have been woven tightly over a long period of time which is why China thought that unless the US was out of their mind, it would not impose 20 billion tariffs on Chinese goods. However, America�s strong measures have taken China by surprise, highly exceeding its expectations.

The third is that while China is being beaten down by the US, not a single country has neither stood up at their defense nor even expressed a drop of sympathy. While numerous countries are against America�s trade measures, none of them have spoken out against the US or stood next to China, the greatest victim of the trade war. Xu said that although China has been assisting many countries around the world and these countries have benefited much from China, none of them have stood up for them when most needed.

The fourth is that to fight China, America has built a unified front. Republicans and Democrats disagree over any and every issue except on that of measures and policies on China; on these they are completely united. What is most surprising, Xu says, is that no member of the US Congress has spoken in favor of China and because of these four issues, it is time for China to see the US from a different perspective.

10 new perspectives about the US according to Dai Xu

1. The US is a �real tiger� not a �paper tiger�
2. Must not assume that the US will continue making mistakes
3. The US puts profit before ideology and value
4. Never say �We are number one�, �we are better� before the US
5. The US is indifferent about committing crimes against others
6. Must admit that the US is the world�s �big boss�
7. Do not mention �sharing information� before the US
8. The US is a master strategist: Do not become their enemy
9. Must not hope that the US elections will change the US� national strategy
10. Must not naively think about fighting the US until the end

First, China must realize that the US is a �real tiger� that devours, not a �paper tiger�. American politicians are neither gentlemen nor philanthropists but workers who are devoted and prepared to do anything for their nation and its voters.

Second, China must not assume that the US will continue making mistakes. The US is a country that will turn its national strategy around 180 degrees if it deems its strategy to be wrong. The US can change masks quicker than you turn a page in a book.

Third, The US puts profit before ideology and value. When making money from the Americans, China must be careful and quickly catch onto changes to their facial expressions. Make sure that the money is flowing both ways and not unilaterally toward China.

Fourth, never say �we are number one�, �we are better� before the US. Even if the thought crosses your mind, take it as a sign to take a step down and be more modest.

Fifth, the US is indifferent about committing crimes against others. Although the US has many allies, it will not go as far as to sacrifice its core interests just to maintain the alliance friendly.

Sixth, must admit that the US is the world�s �big boss�. Although it is difficult to accept, it is the reality. The US controls vast amounts of resources, much greater than those China does. The best possible scenario for China is to digest and absorb US technology. And even after absorbing American technology, China must not go around blabbering that it is their �innovation�.

Seventh, do not mention �sharing information� in front of the US. Intellectual property is very important in the US. If you ask to share this technology you will be stamped as a �thief�.

Eighth, the US is a master strategist. Things will become very difficult once you become an enemy of the US. America�s war against terrorism shows us that the US can and will pool all its resources together, follow you to the very end of the earth and then kill you.

Ninth, do not hope that the US elections will change the US� national strategy. The �Make America Great Again� strategy will not change even if the president does.

Tenth, do not be na�ve and think you will be able to fight the US until the end. Every action made by the US has a butterfly effect. The US has many allies and many partnerships around the globe. If the US imposes a 30 billion dollar tariff on China, this will have a ripple effect and blow up into 60 billion, even 90 billion dollars� worth of effects.

This is the reason why the US is so strong. Dai Xu says, if China wants to take on the US, it must approach with reason and not rage, wisely and courageously.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 04:05

Vegetable: Oct 22, 2010

Fojar38 posted:

In late March a notorious hawk in the PLA, Dai Xu, supposedly gave a speech about Sino-American relations that seems to exhibit astonishing clarity considering its source. The Korean newspaper JoongAng Ilbo published a story about it.

The story is here, but it's in Korean:

https://news.joins.com/article/23828567

Someone on reddit provided a translation of the content. I don't speak Korean so if this translation is totally wrong then Goons who do please correct it

It also is unsourced as far as I can tell, but seems to be circulating on the Chinese internet regardless.

Listicles of oversure axioms and predictions are a time-honored tradition of Chinese writing

# ? Jul 29, 2020 04:11

eggyolk: Nov 8, 2007

Stick a bunch of this:

And tons of this:

Into this:

After 40 mins, move it to this:

Blend the poo poo out of it with this:

Enjoy this in less than an hour:

Bonus points if you add a poo poo load of salmon.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 04:26

Vegetable: Oct 22, 2010

eggyolk posted:

Stick a bunch of this:

And tons of this:

Into this:

After 40 mins, move it to this:

Blend the poo poo out of it with this:

Enjoy this in less than an hour:

Bonus points if you add a poo poo load of salmon.

I'm sorry what the hell are white people doing, you don't need a fuckin mixer to make congee

# ? Jul 29, 2020 04:29

Dont Touch ME: Apr 1, 2018

Fojar38 posted:

In late March a notorious hawk in the PLA, Dai Xu, supposedly gave a speech about Sino-American relations that seems to exhibit astonishing clarity considering its source. The Korean newspaper JoongAng Ilbo published a story about it.

The story is here, but it's in Korean:

https://news.joins.com/article/23828567

Someone on reddit provided a translation of the content. I don't speak Korean so if this translation is totally wrong then Goons who do please correct it

It also is unsourced as far as I can tell, but seems to be circulating on the Chinese internet regardless.

It wasn't on his weibo, and I couldn't otherwise find a source. I'm going to guess it's fake, but let's see how this unfolds.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 04:38

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Vegetable posted:

Literally nobody does this please don't rinse your rice

Rinse before cooking, never after.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 04:40

eggyolk: Nov 8, 2007

Vegetable posted:

I'm sorry what the hell are white people doing, you don't need a fuckin mixer to make congee

You do if you don't want to wait until tomorrow to eat it.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 05:26

Grand Fromage: Jan 30, 2006; L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?

eggyolk posted:

You do if you don't want to wait until tomorrow to eat it.

What are you doing that takes so long? An hour at most of boiling is all I've ever needed. I'm always making Korean juk though, IIRC actual congee congee is thinner but I can't imagine it's that different.

Grand Fromage fucked around with this message at 05:34 on Jul 29, 2020

# ? Jul 29, 2020 05:31

url: Apr 23, 2007; internet gnuru

Because I am no Gordon Ramsey, my rice opinions are possibly outdated.

As much as I love a rice cooker, I do have a hankering for loose , fragrant, long-grain rice on occasion, for a curry type dish etc.

I actually thought the purpose of the hilariously funny video of a random Asian guy guy having a meltdown at white peoples' rice, was to highlight that most people (Asians included) can't cook rice anymore. Thereby highlighting him as the fool, not the Karen making rice the old way.

I was taught the fry in oil for a bit, then boil it off method as a child.
As far as i know, that is how it was done in the millennia before rice cookers were invented.
I can't speak to the sales of rice-cooker equipment in India, I would guess it's not significant, since they have kept the old skills alive.

Don't get me wrong, i love 'sticky' rice as much as the next fan of congealed gelatinous mush.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 06:13

Fur20: Nov 14, 2007; すご▞い！
君は働か░い
フ▙▓ズなんだね！

i learned to do rice in a pot in boarding school, because we had kitchenware with no rice cooker, and an extremely high demand for rice.

i think it's an interesting skill to have and like you say you can do some fun poo poo with rice when you make it on the stove, but i'm fuckin lazy. i'd much rather have a cooker do it for me, or preferably 7 & Holdings did it for me nine hours ago and now i'll get diarrhea from the petri dish that is refrigerated rice

# ? Jul 29, 2020 06:33

BrainDance: May 8, 2007; Disco all night long!

You gotta get a child to spit on your rice first, so the enzymes break down the starches.

Any other cooking method is just... why even live if that's how you eat rice?

# ? Jul 29, 2020 06:43

SerCypher: May 10, 2006; Gay baby jail...? What the hell?

I really don't like the sound of that...; Fun Shoe

Realizing a lot of people in this thread have no concept of what a modern name brand rice cooker can do.

It can make regular short grain rice. It can make long grain rice. It can make dry rice like basmati or persian saffron rice.

It can make congee in like an hour, you can even dump chicken and ginger and stuff in there with the rice and it will all cook together.

It will do all of these things perfectly every single time.

Seriously go spend 100+ dollars on a good rice cooker.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 06:55

Vegetable: Oct 22, 2010

You don�t even need a good rice cooker. A cheap one will cook rice and everything else perfectly.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 07:17

McGavin: Sep 18, 2012

BrainDance posted:

You gotta get a child to spit on your rice first, so the enzymes break down the starches.

Any other cooking method is just... why even live if that's how you eat rice?

You need to boil your rice in the urine of young boys, like you do with the eggs.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 07:26

WarpedNaba: Feb 8, 2012; Being social makes me swell!

BrainDance posted:

You gotta get a child to spit on your rice first, so the enzymes break down the starches.

I'm looking to eat rice, not drink holy sake.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 08:15

Shrimp or Shrimps: Feb 14, 2012

Vegetable posted:

I'm sorry what the hell are white people doing,

An evergreen question

# ? Jul 29, 2020 08:25

BrainDance: May 8, 2007; Disco all night long!

McGavin posted:

You need to boil your rice in the urine of young boys, like you do with the eggs.

tbh I didn't think that needed to be said, isn't it obvious?

# ? Jul 29, 2020 08:28

oohhboy: Jun 8, 2013; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Fojar38 posted:

In late March a notorious hawk in the PLA, Dai Xu, supposedly gave a speech about Sino-American relations that seems to exhibit astonishing clarity considering its source. The Korean newspaper JoongAng Ilbo published a story about it.

The story is here, but it's in Korean:

https://news.joins.com/article/23828567

Someone on reddit provided a translation of the content. I don't speak Korean so if this translation is totally wrong then Goons who do please correct it

It also is unsourced as far as I can tell, but seems to be circulating on the Chinese internet regardless.

Yeah, nah

. I don't think they understand. Don't be palette swapped NAZI is a good start.

Vegetable posted:

I'm sorry what the hell are white people doing

# ? Jul 29, 2020 09:09

peanut: Sep 9, 2007

When I want to make fried rice with fresh rice I use the "sushi" setting that's shorter for slightly firmer rice, which assumes you'll mix in liquid seasoning after.
Then I leave the lid open and let all the steam escape after cooking, maybe 15 minutes.

My biggest problem when making fried rice is reluctance to add hella oil. I just can't kayu

# ? Jul 29, 2020 09:16

Barudak: May 7, 2007

A beautiful world with beautiful places to visit

Barudak fucked around with this message at 16:01 on Jun 28, 2021

# ? Jul 29, 2020 09:19

BrainDance: May 8, 2007; Disco all night long!

Barudak posted:

Let me teach you the ABCs of making friend rice

A加油
B加油
C加油

nah it's easy

Step 1

1: 你们都婊里婊气的

Perfect rice the end

# ? Jul 29, 2020 09:44

goblin week: Jan 26, 2019; Absolute clown.

all my attempts at cooking loose rice ended in horrible failure so i just buy parboiled bagged rice and it's perfect every time

# ? Jul 29, 2020 11:57

The Real Amethyst: Apr 20, 2018; When no one was looking, Serval took forty Japari buns. She took 40 buns. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.

Rice pudding with jam tho.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 12:30

Blistex: Oct 30, 2003; Macho Business
Donkey Wrestler

Fojar38 posted:

In late March a notorious hawk in the PLA, Dai Xu, supposedly gave a speech about Sino-American relations that seems to exhibit astonishing clarity considering its source. The Korean newspaper JoongAng Ilbo published a story about it.

I'm doubtful as to the validity of this. Even if someone in the CCP did write it, would they be allowed to say that in an open forum let alone publish it given the face loss it puts on display?

# ? Jul 29, 2020 12:33

nong: Apr 20, 2016; Never Forget
The Century Of National Humiliation.

peanut posted:

When I want to make fried rice with fresh rice I use the "sushi" setting that's shorter for slightly firmer rice, which assumes you'll mix in liquid seasoning after.
Then I leave the lid open and let all the steam escape after cooking, maybe 15 minutes.

My biggest problem when making fried rice is reluctance to add hella oil. I just can't kayu

I only remember the best fried rice I had before had like a quarter inch of oil left in the plate after all the fried rice were eaten.

I basically use this as a guideline and make great fried rice with tons of oil, msg and some eggs while on extremely high heat.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 12:42

freelop: Apr 28, 2013; Where we're going, we won't need fries to see

My wife washes the rice after cooking as she says it removes the arsenic (also tips excess water out via the method in the video
I never bother but I have a specific metal ball drain thing I cook the rice in that then lets me take the rice out of the water to drain it (and that's the entire purpose of the device, it is great)

The only time I bother with exact quantities is when doing sushi rice

# ? Jul 29, 2020 12:53

The Moon Monster: Dec 30, 2005

The White Dragon posted:

i learned to do rice in a pot in boarding school, because we had kitchenware with no rice cooker, and an extremely high demand for rice.

i think it's an interesting skill to have and like you say you can do some fun poo poo with rice when you make it on the stove, but i'm fuckin lazy. i'd much rather have a cooker do it for me, or preferably 7 & Holdings did it for me nine hours ago and now i'll get diarrhea from the petri dish that is refrigerated rice

I learned to do rice in a pot because it's trivial and anyone who isn't completely incompetent can learn to do it in 90 seconds. There's nothing wrong with rice cookers but the idea that cooking rice in a pot is difficult or complicated is bizarre.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 13:01

I would blow Dane Cook: Dec 26, 2008

Anyone make pancakes in the rice cooker?

# ? Jul 29, 2020 13:42

Ailumao: Nov 4, 2004

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

Anyone make pancakes in the rice cooker?

ive made cakes, but not pancakes.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 13:56

Kharnifex: Sep 11, 2001; The Banter is better in AusGBS

Toss some beer and edamame into your rice cooker with the rice

# ? Jul 29, 2020 13:56

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# ? May 29, 2024 22:27

peanut: Sep 9, 2007

freelop posted:

My wife washes the rice after cooking as she says it removes the arsenic (also tips excess water out via the method in the video
I never bother but I have a specific metal ball drain thing I cook the rice in that then lets me take the rice out of the water to drain it (and that's the entire purpose of the device, it is great)

The only time I bother with exact quantities is when doing sushi rice

thoughts and prayers

# ? Jul 29, 2020 14:06

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