(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
|
Chokes McGee posted:She absolutely is. I've never had anyone in my life even remotely concerned about my wellbeing. My brain still can't process it. you deserve this love and care!
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2020 02:22
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 25, 2024 18:44 |
|
|
What a wild ride! I'm happy to hear you are safe, chokes  Always remember that you are loved, even by strangers on the internet <3
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2020 04:45
|
|
|
got real sad at therapy, realized that adhd meds won't fix depression. realized depression is becoming burdonsome on spouse. got sadder. remembered pills are an option. remembered depression can suck THE CUM OUT OF MY rear end. gonna call my doc tomorrow.
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2020 06:57
|
|
|
StrugglingHoneybun posted:got real sad at therapy, realized that adhd meds won't fix depression. realized depression is becoming burdonsome on spouse. got sadder. remembered pills are an option. remembered depression can suck THE CUM OUT OF MY rear end. and i'm gonna post more !!!!!
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2020 06:58
|
|
|
StrugglingHoneybun posted:and i'm gonna post more Hell yeah
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2020 22:59
|
|
|
StrugglingHoneybun posted:got real sad at therapy, realized that adhd meds won't fix depression. realized depression is becoming burdonsome on spouse. got sadder. remembered pills are an option. remembered depression can suck THE CUM OUT OF MY rear end. make that call! I finally got my consult for ketamine treatment, so Ill be able to start that in a month or so. should have done it ages ago, but...brain
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2020 23:39
|
|
|
Can I get a permaban? My mental health is taking a turn for the worst, and I really don't have the self control to stay away from the doom in the rest of cspam. Please take care, all. (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
|
|
#
?
Jul 31, 2020 03:35
|
|
|
Failson posted:Can I get a permaban? I'm sorry to see you go. If you still need the MH thread resources, you can always browse as an unregistered user. Take care.
|
|
#
?
Jul 31, 2020 03:43
|
|
|
Failson posted:Can I get a permaban? it is queued. it will need to be approved by an admin so it will take some unknown length of time to go in effect. if you change your mind before then let me know. take care of yourself, friend e: jk! permas are not a thing I can do. Crusty Nutsack has issued a correction as of 04:17 on Jul 31, 2020 |
|
#
?
Jul 31, 2020 03:46
|
|
|
A friend of ours died yesterday, at first we were told it was the Roni and that sucked. I found out earlier that it was suicide. And that really really really sucks. I am all out of blueprints for how to react or process stuff, I've known people who died by unintentional suicide and been a few steps removed from intentional suicide before too. But this was someone we really knew, my wife worked hundreds of long shifts with him(two person retail store) and he was a friend, not super close but, close enough. This really sucks. I guess it's weird but I wish the people I knew who have died this year at least died of corona. No, it's all been either heroin overdoses or outright suicide. This is the 5th person I know who has died this year and by far the closest one to me. And poo poo has not even begun to begin getting really bad yet. I am already shell shocked, with my brain snapping back to the fact that Ryan is loving dead because he killed himself over and over again whenever I'm not focusing on something. I already know I will very likely have to make space for several more deaths that will be just as bad or worse. Probably soon. This year sucks.
|
|
#
?
Jul 31, 2020 03:50
|
|
|
thehandtruck posted:Now you'll have freedom, and your brain actually knows this and will get you to do anything it can to not have that freedom, since it has an uncertain future where as at least with the hellworld you've already plotted every piece of the story including the ending. I think this is very close to the mark with me, although for me it's not about certainty vs. uncertainty as much as having to face the wreck I've made of my life. Right now I know it's a disaster, but don't think I can do anything about it. If I can somehow fix my brain then I will know it's a disaster and have to do something about it, with very little time left on the clock. A small part of me has never given up. That's why I'm still alive. But decades of fighting this has worn my psyche down to a nub. I last tried therapy a couple of years ago and it was a failure. I would like to try again but my combination of problems makes it very, very hard for me. Anyway I appreciate your feedback and maybe some day before I die will find a little bit of healing.
|
|
#
?
Jul 31, 2020 03:52
|
|
|
Failson posted:Can I get a permaban? I sent you a pm, please reply thank you
|
|
#
?
Jul 31, 2020 04:11
|
|
|
Bye Failson, I really appreciate you replying to my posts when I was having a tough time. Edit: hope things get better for you too Chokes, you have also helped me a lot. UnfortunateSexFart has issued a correction as of 04:28 on Jul 31, 2020 |
|
|
#
?
Jul 31, 2020 04:16
|
|
|
Had a good, cathartic talk with my parents tonight. My mother would tell babby nova things like an untreated splinter will enter your bloodstream and kill you, or that drinking things that are too hot will give you cancer, or chewing on your nails can give you appendicitis. I think that's a pretty major source of my health anxiety and catastrophic thinking (which are being majorly triggered by the Rona). It felt good to finally get that out at least. Now I gotta get my sleep dread under control. Ya boy's afraid of losing consciousness and thinks he's gonna die or stop breathing in his sleep. I'm so exhausted. 
|
|
#
?
Jul 31, 2020 04:31
|
|
|
novaSphere posted:Had a good, cathartic talk with my parents tonight. If you are able you should try out a CPAP. Even if you don't have apnea they improve your sleep quality and would make this quite literally impossible
|
|
#
?
Jul 31, 2020 04:38
|
|
|
empty whippet box posted:If you are able you should try out a CPAP. Even if you don't have apnea they improve your sleep quality and would make this quite literally impossible yeah I've been informed I snore like a freight train so I have a CPAP. I don't use it enough though because I can't sleep with it on, even with the least invasive nasal pillows possible 
|
|
#
?
Jul 31, 2020 06:12
|
|
|
Chokes McGee posted:yeah I've been informed I snore like a freight train so I have a CPAP. I don't use it enough though because I can't sleep with it on, even with the least invasive nasal pillows possible have you tried a face mask? I use a cpap and for some reason never once ever disliked it at all, in fact I loved how it felt from the first moment I tried it in the doctor's office. I guess I had already understood the kind of relief it represented by that point though and was fully gung-ho emotionally invested in it working or something. But I haven't slept a night without it since I first got it and if mine broke suddenly I would do absolutely whatever it took to replace it within 24 hours. I've always used a full mask though.
|
|
#
?
Jul 31, 2020 08:32
|
|
|
Dick Trauma posted:I think this is very close to the mark with me, although for me it's not about certainty vs. uncertainty as much as having to face the wreck I've made of my life. Dick Trauma, for whatever it's worth, your avatar makes me smile and I've always enjoyed your posts. Your work stories were hellish but funny, thank you for sharing those with us!
|
|
#
?
Jul 31, 2020 15:01
|
|
|
empty whippet box posted:If you are able you should try out a CPAP. Even if you don't have apnea they improve your sleep quality and would make this quite literally impossible I've been informed I snore and also occasionally take long pauses between breathing so maybe I should look into one
|
|
#
?
Jul 31, 2020 15:54
|
|
|
(Warning, heavy death discussion) Having another "can't loving take it anymore" moment. What is the point of anything? Seriously. Things will just keep getting worse. Everyone knows it. The only people who don't are those whose brains' defense mechanisms blind them from the truth. I hate life. There is no other way to describe it. My existence alternates between me wishing that I wasn't alive and somehow managing to distract myself from that fact. I cannot feel content. I can only feel numb. I don't enjoy anything anymore. I spend most of my WFH days slacking off, watching porn, browsing youtube and it barely makes me tolerate life. Staring at a wall produces the same effect. My therapist is on holiday and she gave me as homework journaling to make sure I am meeting my "career goals". Maybe when she gets back I should just say "I don't care about career goals anymore, I just want to WANT TO BE ALIVE". I am afraid that if I do want to live as much as other people, it will just trap me in this hellscape of a world even further. Economy is collapsing. Climate is collapsing. Democracy is collapsing. Yes, I tried reading "Man's Search For Meaning". It doesn't apply because it still relies on the assumption that society will still exist and the stuff you do to have any impact. It won't. I have almost no friends. My family doesn't understand what I am going through and never will. They all think this will pass. It won't. I don't want to fight for anything. I don't want to struggle. I don't want to create. I just want all of this to end. And the world won't let me. Nor will my cowardice. The only thing I fear more than life as it is is getting crippled in the attempt to escape it. This is hell. We all live in hell. The hell am I supposed to do? AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 17:10 on Jul 31, 2020 |
|
#
?
Jul 31, 2020 16:07
|
|
|
I have been thinking about journeys lately. Why people do the things they do, why do they make choices that might look like mistakes. I came across this quote from Joseph Campbell, quoting Freud and it really got me thinking. As Freud has shown, blunders are not the merest chance. They are the result of suppressed desires and conflicts. They are ripples on the surface of life, produced by unsuspected springs. And these may be very deep - as deep as the soul itself." its easy to say what a persons motives are when they do something and seek out something. but what does their "blunders" say about them, if they are not complete accidents as Freud suggest, they may be more insightful of a persons deepest motives.
|
|
|
#
?
Jul 31, 2020 21:25
|
|
|
Heavy hints of Melbourne going into full NZ style lockdown now, which means I'm back to freaking out about losing my job and under construction condo/$43k deposit. This always happens on the loving weekend too so I never get to relax.
|
|
|
#
?
Aug 1, 2020 03:29
|
|
|
e: removing this feeling weird about it
Rorobb has issued a correction as of 00:35 on Aug 3, 2020 |
|
#
?
Aug 1, 2020 08:10
|
|
|
on tuesday, my grandma died. she died from complications from the treatment for the cancer she beat 20 loving years ago. she was as important to me as either of my parents, maybe more so. she helped raise me, she gave me a place to live more than once, she tolerated the bullshit i went through suffering with major depressive disorder, adhd and general anxiety. last month, my great aunt, my grandma's sister and another one of my favorite people in the world, died from covid-19. she went into the hospital with double pneumonia and was dead the next day. this year started off with my favorite house i ever lived in burning to the ground, and with the ten year "anniversary" of my best friend's suicide (aug 10) weighing extremely heavily on my mind every single day of the year. i spent this week playing forza horizon 4 basically nonstop and listening to the dance station to try and escape reality. tonight that reality has hit me like a freight train. i feel so alone and so hopeless, that nothing will ever be good and that living life is completely pointless when everything is bad and getting worse and will never improve, and that everyone and everything i know and love will be gone some day. i dunno what i am posting this for.
|
|
#
?
Aug 1, 2020 08:57
|
|
|
Hey thread! I sure had a great two months, in no small part due to the extremely kind people in this thread, but now I'm back in misery-town. As a refresher, I was diagnosed with panic disorder, which involved long (hours, whole days) bouts of gut-wrenching terror accompanied by patterns of physical symptoms, ranging from "the soles of my feet hurt/are buzzing" to "I feel like I'm having a heart attack right now, no joke." The medication combo that worked so well for two months seems to be losing effectiveness, the anxiety is back, and with is is tooth and jaw pain that's getting pretty loving bad, to the point I can't sleep because the pain gets worse when I lie down (same as the panic-induced heart racing, one of the things that led to conclude it was panic). My teeth are in bad shape and I can't really afford to fix them, naturally both they and going to the dentist gave me huge anxiety BEFORE the panic disorder thing, so it makes sense they'd be the newest thing to get phantom pain about. Because panic disorder makes it very difficult to evaluate medical poo poo (or just poo poo in general), I've called warm lines in the past for advice, and it's previously just been 'try to relax, see if things get better.' I did that this time, and instead both people urged me to go to the dentist, a recommendation I wasn't prepared for. I'm really scared, I haven't slept a wink tonight and I'm falling asleep standing up. I went to a cardiologist a few months ago and came back with great overall results, but this seems so much different and scarier, I have no idea how I'm gonna make it through a meeting where they could end up telling me they have to cut out a big part of my jaw or something. Very tempted to abuse painkillers or other substances, but know I shouldn't (did I mention I take care of my elderly/early dementia mother, and we both have issues with addiction and access to meds? fun stuff!), I'm just not sure what I can do. Any advice?
|
|
#
?
Aug 1, 2020 16:19
|
|
|
AceOfFlames posted:(Warning, heavy death discussion) Your WFH description fits mine to a T. I spend all day bored waiting for work to come in not wanting to take on other household tasks for fear of not being immediately ready for work to begin. Just a ball of anxiety sitting petrified in a house needing cleaning. For 4 months. Then i read about executive function disorder and talked to my doc about adderall and its like im a whole new person. The headspace I occupy when i take one is something that i cant access when i havent taken one. Its like i cant remember how it makes me feel, i just have to convince myself to go take the pill every morning. Every morning and 11a is a battle to remember to do it right now not later cause ill forget! Then i feel like I have all the time in the world to do everything. My doc said the pills would not help my depression, but i felt a lot better, so maybe it did work for me? Cut to Wednesday, i had one of my sad episodes. Had a small case of the kablewies. The worst one in my 35 years of what seems like a cycle with depression. *I knew that this cycle was never going to end, and as bad as this one felt that means they're only going to get worse, and only way out is [redacted]. I headbutted a door because i was mad at my brain. I punched my fridge and left a small dent. Wait, I've never done anything like that before. Im a wimpy wuss weiner, i dont punch things, why did i do that? So alone. No one could understand how worthless i felt, how ineffective. Was my wife really happy or is she tolerating me? The marriage will end soon for sure, and itll be my fault because im doing poo poo now like punching fridges and that's going to feel really bad, so i could avoid that with [redacted].* And then i remembered that these feelings are so intense because I'M DEPRESSED, oh right. This feeling right now, the joylessness inbetween distractions, thats depression. That's what i can fix with pills. Then i promised this thread that i would call my doc. It kind of is about distractions. But you get to pick yours. Kind of, i mean, insofar as this class system will allow anyone a choice, but picking your own distractions and going like full bore into them is what happy people do. It seems like they were happy first and that fixed everything, but distractions do keep the bad thoughts at bay, it does work. Having a routine and forcing yourself to do poo poo besides sit and feel sad is how you beat it. Right now options are limited, but the part of your brain saying you won't have fun is a loving liar. It wants to trick you into being sad because it needs a sad friend. Treat that voice like a boomer relative and leave it on 'sent'. Hide comments from that troll user. It can be beaten back and extinguished, even if its been a long cycle of wins and losses.
|
|
#
?
Aug 1, 2020 16:37
|
|
|
Random rear end in a top hat posted:Hey thread! I sure had a great two months, in no small part due to the extremely kind people in this thread, but now I'm back in misery-town. wear a night guard for grinding if you arent already
|
|
#
?
Aug 1, 2020 16:40
|
|
|
I've been binge watching "Alone," a survival based reality show, where 10 wilderness experts are left to fend for themselves in deep wilderness and the last one to make it without tapping out (or being pulled out for medical reasons) wins $500,000. I would recommend it, with a heavy warning that it can be stressful to watch at points, and there are definitely things that could be triggering (people end up losing tons of weight, for example, so if you have you have issues with weight or eating disorders you probably shouldn't watch), but I have found it provoking a lot of self reflection and thinking about humans generally. I hope this isn't too off topic for this thread, I'm mostly writing this to give myself something to do and avoid a family situation I don't want to deal with at the moment. Watching people who have incredible willpower and discipline is a good reminder of human values that are worthwhile. I certainly don't have that level of discipline (and I certainly don't have that training), but it really shows a humility and respect for nature, going up against challenges that are not socially constructed, like the challenge of jobs/job searching, sitting in traffic, living in a fascist dystopia, etc. It's a reminder of the type of insane struggle we are actually evolved for, that we are both stronger than our current struggles, and that our current struggles aren't horrendous because they are bigger than us but because they are smaller than us, beneath anything worth calling humanity. Humans are simply not evolved to live in a large scale industrial dystopia, and if you feel like poo poo it's because it's subhuman. I wouldn't say it's comforting, in a way it's more depressing, but it's a good reminder to see the type of strength people are capable of. The true worthy struggles and victories of life, being able to live off your own efforts, to feel that deep satisfaction, to define how you want to live and find ways to develop your mind on your own, are largely stolen from us. The people on the show are frequently total weirdos, with all sorts of issues, and it's illuminating to see how they both are able to transcend them to survive as well as how they are sometimes bested by them. Plenty of times people end up leaving because of things that seem pretty outside of their control, even if not totally, people who seem like they could stay out for a long time end up having some bad luck. Of course, a huge factor in this is that they are all competing for money, and even though they are "alone," they are filming themselves and talking to a camera. It seems like over time the camera has less effect because they go so long without help or contact, but I'm sure it alters things. The money definitely complicates things, and brings to light that people on this show are frequently trying to escape their own poverty or provide opportunities for their children/family, and it's definitely depressing.
|
|
#
?
Aug 1, 2020 16:52
|
|
|
I watched "The Rise of Skywalker" today, making it 43 years between my seeing the first one back in '77, and the last. It's hard to explain just how much the original movie captured my 10 year old brain. Shaped my imagination. Back then I consumed anything to do with Star Wars, and remember reading that Lucas claimed there would be nine films in the series. Nine! It seemed ambitious to say the least, and as the years passed, highly unlikely. Well it only took what feels like my whole life to finally see the ninth one. By myself, of course, because there's been no one along for the ride through all these decades. Just me and my thoughts, and my connection to this thing I enjoy. I don't have anyone else to tell, so I'm telling you all because I feel compelled to commemorate this weird, meaningless event.
|
|
#
?
Aug 1, 2020 23:02
|
|
|
Dick Trauma posted:I watched "The Rise of Skywalker" today, making it 43 years between my seeing the first one back in '77, and the last. It's hard to explain just how much the original movie captured my 10 year old brain. Shaped my imagination. Back then I consumed anything to do with Star Wars, and remember reading that Lucas claimed there would be nine films in the series. Nine! It seemed ambitious to say the least, and as the years passed, highly unlikely. End of an era. Starts with a bang. Ends with a wet fart.
|
|
#
?
Aug 1, 2020 23:11
|
|
|
novaSphere posted:I've been informed I snore and also occasionally take long pauses between breathing so maybe I should look into one You almost certainly have sleep apnea and getting a CPAP might be the thing you need to improve your quality of life by leaps and bounds. Untreated sleep apnea ruins your health and life and makes literally everything in life more difficult and shittier and it can hardly be overstated
|
|
#
?
Aug 1, 2020 23:53
|
|
|
I saw CPAP chat in here and the COVID thread and realized how much the apnea symptoms line up with my life. I'm getting a new PCP soon and will absolutely fight to get a sleep study
|
|
#
?
Aug 2, 2020 00:55
|
|
|
I don't feel joy or contentment. I don't know why to keep doing anything because the future is so hosed.
|
|
#
?
Aug 2, 2020 03:58
|
|
|
Science WHORE posted:I don't feel joy or contentment. I don't know why to keep doing anything because the future is so hosed. Do it out of pure selfish hedonism op
|
|
#
?
Aug 2, 2020 09:58
|
|
|
empty whippet box posted:Do it out of pure selfish hedonism op What if you cant even do that because nothing brings you pleasure? Thats the,case with me and Im guessing OP as well. I dont think theres anything I want other than my life not getting worse.
|
|
#
?
Aug 2, 2020 10:11
|
|
|
Tried to organize an online board game night yesterday, had several people interested and then no one responded. Spent most of today in a delayed action funk about it since my brain is convinced that no one outside my family actually wants me around and I'm just dragging down everyone I meet. I know everyone deserves good things in the abstract but I feel like I'm just inflicting myself on everyone around me, and I don't know how to get myself out
|
|
#
?
Aug 2, 2020 23:22
|
|
|
StashAugustine posted:Tried to organize an online board game night yesterday, had several people interested and then no one responded. Spent most of today in a delayed action funk about it since my brain is convinced that no one outside my family actually wants me around and I'm just dragging down everyone I meet. I know everyone deserves good things in the abstract but I feel like I'm just inflicting myself on everyone around me, and I don't know how to get myself out I'd be down for an online board game. I primarily use tabletop simulator and my games that I normally play are Terraforming Mars and Feast for Odin, though I might play other games if you're willing to teach.
|
|
#
?
Aug 2, 2020 23:31
|
|
|
Today is the day I find out if my life is ruined. Wish me luck goons. Yesterday they announced maybe the most strict current lockdown in the world right now in Melbourne and today we find out which businesses are shuttered. No employment=no way to stay in Australia and will lose tens of thousands of dollars for those who haven't been following my posts.
|
|
|
#
?
Aug 2, 2020 23:36
|
|
|
Ice Phisherman posted:I'd be down for an online board game. I primarily use tabletop simulator and my games that I normally play are Terraforming Mars and Feast for Odin, though I might play other games if you're willing to teach. Cool, I'm probably available Tuesday night, can decide on something later UnfortunateSexFart posted:Today is the day I find out if my life is ruined. Wish me luck goons. Is this anything goons can help with? Good luck
|
|
#
?
Aug 3, 2020 00:18
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 25, 2024 18:44 |
|
|
StashAugustine posted:Cool, I'm probably available Tuesday night, can decide on something later Sure. Just PM me and we'll set up a time.
|
|
#
?
Aug 3, 2020 00:34
|
|