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We call it shark week at our place. Also refer to my premenstrual partner as the werewife, this being performed with great respect, understanding and caution.
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Aug 13, 2020 10:39
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Ralph Crammed In posted:I had an episiotomy so I had stiches which meant I had to make sure they didn't get infected so I had to rinse them off after I peed and I was supposed to pee after I breastfeed because it would reduce my uterus size (?!?!?!) and I had to breastfeed at least once every two to four hours. So for two or three weeks I had to splash my cooter after peeing with a liter of cold water like ten times a day (cause I didn't want to wait for warm water to heat up as I just wanted to get back to bed cause my healing episiotomy was so sore) and as a result the toilet was just drenched with bloody water all the time. Husband had to clean it constantly cause I was in too much pain/busy with a newborn. “But teen witch why do you want to adopt and get your tubes tied??? What about your nonexistent husband or other pseudo male authority that you’ll cackle in the face of???” AaaaaaaaAAAAAAAA
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Aug 13, 2020 10:40
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period started tonight. I always have insomnia and i'm making GBS threads comfortably. Thanks thread
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Aug 13, 2020 10:46
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You know what I love, when a guy tells a story about something gross that happened with his dick or farts or something, and then a girl tells an equivalent story, and the guy goes "that's disgusting!!" and shames her for it. Just as annoying: when they do that, but then make it seem like they're just being ironically sexist or something and they don't reaaaallly feel that way (but it's how they react every single time). I loving loooooove that. Anyway, the cup is best but it makes it really hard for me to pee properly.
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Aug 13, 2020 10:55
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teen witch posted:“But teen witch why do you want to adopt and get your tubes tied??? What about your nonexistent husband or other pseudo male authority that you’ll cackle in the face of???” C-sections have an even worse recovery and even more pain. They were trying like at the hospital to avoid me having one but I'd been in labor for 23 hours and exhausted so in last ditch effort they sliced me up and sucked Ralph Jr out with a vacuum pump. Samizdat was through the wringer more than I was. Childbirth is nothing like you see in the movies/tv.
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Aug 13, 2020 10:58
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A treatment for "your vaginal walls got wrecked by the child you gave birth to who will never fully appreciate this suffering" is basically a massive electroshock dildo with inflatable pump and the entire time I played with it that loving pump it up jingle from the chris rock snl sketch played in my mind. Get out of here Chris, everybody hates you! Barudak fucked around with this message at 11:06 on Aug 13, 2020 |
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Aug 13, 2020 11:02
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Ralph Crammed In posted:I had an episiotomy so I had stiches which meant I had to make sure they didn't get infected so I had to rinse them off after I peed and I was supposed to pee after I breastfeed because it would reduce my uterus size (?!?!?!) and I had to breastfeed at least once every two to four hours. So for two or three weeks I had to splash my cooter after peeing with a liter of cold water like ten times a day (cause I didn't want to wait for warm water to heat up as I just wanted to get back to bed cause my healing episiotomy was so sore) and as a result the toilet was just drenched with bloody water all the time. Husband had to clean it constantly cause I was in too much pain/busy with a newborn. *adds this post to my already lengthy list of reasons not to ever have children*
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Aug 13, 2020 14:06
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My wife had a 7-minute long natural birth and did a test gently caress the week after the kid was born. No stiches or poo poo flying around. So that's the other extreme of having a babby.
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Aug 13, 2020 14:18
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Barudak posted:A treatment for "your vaginal walls got wrecked by the child you gave birth to who will never fully appreciate this suffering" is basically a massive electroshock dildo with inflatable pump and the entire time I played with it that loving pump it up jingle from the chris rock snl sketch played in my mind. Ok I'd like to request further details because what the gently caress??????
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Aug 13, 2020 14:24
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The pre-birthing air pump for simulating pushing a babby out is great, but there's no electric dildo involved on that. So please do tell more.
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Aug 13, 2020 14:41
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Barudak posted:A treatment for "your vaginal walls got wrecked by the child you gave birth to who will never fully appreciate this suffering" is basically a massive electroshock dildo with inflatable pump and the entire time I played with it that loving pump it up jingle from the chris rock snl sketch played in my mind. Lmao I also would like to know more please. Also if you think period poops are bad try the first poo poo after giving birth. Oh also you had an episiotomy. It will break you.
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Aug 13, 2020 15:33
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Waterbed Wendy posted:Lmao I also would like to know more please. Oh God. That was hands down the worse poo poo ever. And with stitches it felt like some part of me was going to pop. Yay, post birth stories! I bled for almost the whole 6 weeks until my doctor's appt after giving birth. There were like 4 random days where I didn't and was super jazzed the I was finally done. Then, nope, nevermind. I used to not want a birth control that would stop periods (I always felt like it might permanently screw something up), since having a kid, I never want to bleed again.
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Aug 13, 2020 16:10
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My decision as a pre-teen to never ever have children was a good one and I stand by it.
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Aug 13, 2020 16:16
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xcheopis posted:My decision as a pre-teen to never ever have children was a good one and I stand by it.  I don't remember this but apparently the first time I said I didn't want to have children, I was 7. Why someone was asking a 7-year old whether or not they wanted to have children, I will never know. When I was 13, my mom said (I swear there was context but I don't remember what it was) that she had already picked out her grandmother nickname, and I was creeped out. Now I'm 33, and as the only child, I'm the end of the line. My position on having children has never wavered, and I channel what little maternal instinct I have into cats & plants. It's a good thing because my exit-only uterus is covered in fibroids and will likely have to be either removed or embolization-ed (embolized?) into infertility.
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Aug 13, 2020 16:26
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I might consider having a kid more seriously if I was a man or if we could just grow babies in vats already. As it is, gently caress no, I’m not going through that although it does suck to know you and your partner are ending a line of life billions of years long Prism Mirror Lens fucked around with this message at 16:37 on Aug 13, 2020 |
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Aug 13, 2020 16:35
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YeahTubaMike posted:
My mom explained where babies come from and my response was basically "lol wut hell to the gently caress no". It's been decades and I haven't budged from that position for an instant, either. Fortunately, she never, ever bothered me about having them. Cats are the best! Far better than babies. 
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Aug 13, 2020 17:08
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Waterbed Wendy posted:Lmao I also would like to know more please. Im describing it poorly and no longer am in possession of it to take photos and like hell if I can figure out what I need to search to bring it up. Basically its a good sized, cylindrical and girthy dildo with a flat metal plate a few inches long located around what will be the front of the vaginal canal once fully inserted. On the other side from the plate is an accordion fold looking piece of rubber with a rubberized air pump that works exactly like the old sneakers, and at at the base is this things unique motor. To use, you slather the metal plate with lady safe electro-conducive gel and insert with plate facing towards scarring/weak areas. You use the little rubber air button to pump up the accordion flat to kind of hold it in place, like some sexual car jack. Then you fire up the main motor and the thing blasts the old lady nethers with pulses of electricity in order to force muscle work/break up internal scarring. After that, take some notes in your progress journal clean it up and wait for your next weekly/biweekly appointment. At the appointment, you adjust the device's settings based on your pain threshold/strength levels with your doctor, but even at max its like 5 minutes of this and you're done. This is a good thing because this process feels exactly as good as loving a cattle prod someone put some ladybit safe silicon coating on. Barudak fucked around with this message at 17:29 on Aug 13, 2020 |
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Aug 13, 2020 17:26
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Barudak posted:Im describing it poorly and no longer am in possession of it to take photos and like hell if I can figure out what I need to search to bring it up. like this? https://www.amazon.com/Intensity/dp/B00E1RERK2
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Aug 13, 2020 17:56
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Yep, sans rabbit because recovery is not fun time, people!!! Also, Im assuming it may feel fine for people with non ripped up and stitched back together junk.
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Aug 13, 2020 17:59
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$230 for a dildorp to have orgasms while you tone and tighten your pelvic floor? And it's not even Girl Pink®?? Bust
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Aug 13, 2020 18:14
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raise your hand if you know about pinkwashing and you don't care as much as you should because you really love pink so you're usually like "oh ok bonus"
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Aug 13, 2020 18:15
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After complaining in this thread about my period not coming it decided to start.  Also despite all the horror stories itt and in the pregnancy thread, I still want to get knocked up. Or at least I'm willing to be knocked up to achieve the end goal of parenthood, I suppose "want" is a strong term.Also I have to say, after 9 years of having a copper IUD, it's been nice for the past year to not be recreating a scene out of Carrie or The Shining when I dump my cup every two hours for the first couple of days.
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Aug 13, 2020 19:00
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Not even on my period, but because of this friend decided to have a period conversation with my boyfriend. He has stated he has zero problem buying tampons and has even told off dudes who said he was "gay" for doing so. Bros, is it gay to...have a girlfriend?
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Aug 13, 2020 20:44
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CherryCola posted:Not even on my period, but because of this friend decided to have a period conversation with my boyfriend. He has stated he has zero problem buying tampons and has even told off dudes who said he was "gay" for doing so. And why would gay men be buying tampons?
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Aug 13, 2020 20:47
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CherryCola posted:Not even on my period, but because of this friend decided to have a period conversation with my boyfriend. He has stated he has zero problem buying tampons and has even told off dudes who said he was "gay" for doing so. i honestly can't think of anything gayer. also is it 2003 and guys are calling each other 'gay' again? i haven't heard anyone say that in a long time. xcheopis posted:And why would gay men be buying tampons? i had a gay friend who would stock up on tampons for his sister (she lived abroad and liked western brands or it was cheaper i guess?).
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Aug 13, 2020 20:59
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:raise your hand if you know about pinkwashing and you don't care as much as you should because you really love pink so you're usually like "oh ok bonus" Same. Though it's not so much that I love pink as that I hate grey. So if there's a grey version and a pink version hell yeah pink. Not keen on the black and red combo either (sorry beastmasterJ). Though that only goes for otherwise identical items. For tools and stuff if it isn't identical you have to take a good hard look at whether the 'girl version' is just pink and maybe sized for smaller hands, or if it's flimsy underpowered garbage. A lot of "for women" stuff is flimsier than the man version at the same price point. When I live in the mountains a lot of time I'd buy coats from the boy's section. It would be a sturdier, warmer coat than the girl version at the same price point. No cutesy details, but who really cares in the snow? Boots too. Weirdly the boots for boys often had much better treads than the boots for girls. WTF? Girls also enjoy not slipping on snow and ice.
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Aug 14, 2020 01:32
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CherryCola posted:Bros, is it gay to...have a girlfriend? Friend go on reddit and fall down the rabbit hole of men convinced that the gayest thing you can do is have sex with women like someone dropped an internet connected computer into ancient athens.
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Aug 14, 2020 01:50
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This is a difficult thread to masturbate to.
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Aug 14, 2020 02:05
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Waterbed Wendy posted:Also if you think period poops are bad try the first poo poo after giving birth. Oh also you had an episiotomy. It will break you. I should've had a c-section for that first poo poo too. I almost resorted to some sort of goatse maneuver. Facebook Aunt posted:When I live in the mountains a lot of time I'd buy coats from the boy's section. It would be a sturdier, warmer coat than the girl version at the same price point. No cutesy details, but who really cares in the snow? Boots too. Weirdly the boots for boys often had much better treads than the boots for girls. WTF? Girls also enjoy not slipping on snow and ice. I've noticed this too. Also my mom radicalized me as a young child when we were in a Target by pointing out how the boys' snowsuits had pockets on the sides and the girls' had pockets on the butt or the chest. I learned how girls' pockets were designed to draw attention to those body parts and not for holding things. samizdat fucked around with this message at 02:53 on Aug 14, 2020 |
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Aug 14, 2020 02:47
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Emily Spinach posted:After complaining in this thread about my period not coming it decided to start. The horror stories made it easier for me. I was cranky and uncomfortable a lot, but I could keep a lot in perspective, either because a)welp, could be way worse or b) others have been through this same BS. I was lucky overall though, so that.
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Aug 14, 2020 02:51
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samizdat posted:I should've had a c-section for that first poo poo too. I almost resorted to some sort of goatse maneuver. the mental image is palpable. possibly because i've witnessed something not dissimilar. a girlfriend had really bad constipation (crying on the toilet), so i took her to the Doctor, who gave her laxative. this was a terrible idea. what she needed was a stool softener and the scene i had witnessed before was nothing compared to what happened next. i'll skip the specifics but suffice to say the testimony in this thread coupled with my own experiences leads me to believe women have a complicated relationship with their butts. 
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Aug 14, 2020 03:04
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My wife has begun menstruating I ran to the market on my lunch break to buy her tampons. The Ralph's next to my work has the ones she likes in a 50(!)pack for just $10 instead of the 16 for $6 that the Ralph's by our apartment sells Now that is a fuggin come up
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Aug 14, 2020 04:08
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My paternal grandparents raised me from 9 until I went to college and my grandma was pretty okay about periods. She didn't shame but she did tell my aunts when I got my first period when I was about 12, which turned in to my youngest aunt sitting me down ans talking about how teen boys suck and will leave you if they knock you up so always use condoms and get the pill ASAP since you can never be too careful. She also wipped out a tampon and told me in great detail that the women in our family have horrible periods and to never wear white pants again.
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Aug 14, 2020 05:02
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I don't think I've ever seen someone wear white pants in my entire 32 years on this earth so I can't imagine that it's all that great a sacrifice
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Aug 14, 2020 05:10
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Who What Now posted:I don't think I've ever seen someone wear white pants in my entire 32 years on this earth so I can't imagine that it's all that great a sacrifice Oh I had a pair. I didn't like them much but grandma hated them so I woud wear them to her weird church that was founded by Sylvia Browne to annoy her. My spiteful feelings and annoyance at being forced to go to a church run by a psychic could not win over my embarassment at the thought of having a huge period stain there.
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Aug 14, 2020 05:23
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I have become the Blood Queen once more. Witness me, sisters. I shall wear a ratty old pair of my husband's boxers to mark the occasion. Not that I've got any issues with spotting once I've got the cup in but because of just the chance of bleeding through my underwear onto the bed sheets sounds goddamn awful. Now to be emotionally needy while alternating between melancholy and abrasive for the next few days. Being left alone sounds miserable to me, and I'm really happy my husband is super understanding of how erratic I get. Going off birth control has definitely ramped up the mood swings though. I'm dreading what will happen during pregnancy.
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Aug 14, 2020 06:55
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I recommend a floor mat that you use just for the bed if you're worried of leaking a little while you sleep, as its a small size and machine washable so its a breeze to clean up when done. If you're worried about leaking a lot of blood I recommend a transparent rain coat and a Huey Lewis and the News spotify playlist.
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Aug 14, 2020 07:20
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I never had kids and have never regretted that decision for a single solitary second. Best thing I ever did.
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Aug 14, 2020 07:40
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Kids can be great if you want them but you really got to be in the right headspace to deal with them. Bullshit is going to happen and you just have to accept it. On episiotomy chat right after I had my baby and they were stitching me up I was sort of flinching, as you would when you're getting your genitals sown back together, and the (male) doctor said something like "the more you jump the harder it is on me" and I apologized and I felt bad about making it hard on him and even then I was mad about how much society socializes women to be polite and yielding to requests. I mean, I get his point, but he was a condescending dick about it. Of course he was Dutch and the Dutch sort are condescending dicks by nature, but still if you've decided to specialize in birth procedures you could work on your bedside manner a bit.
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Aug 14, 2020 10:22
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After my second birth, the doctor was stitching me up and complimented me on the generous blood flow I had in the region. And I'm like thanks? I think? Weirdest compliment in my life.
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Aug 14, 2020 11:35
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