The identify that story/book thread: Home of the gas pump boy

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > The identify that story/book thread: Home of the gas pump boy

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Shrecknet: Jan 2, 2005

Stupid_Sexy_Flander posted:

Only thing I could find kinda close was Nocturne by John Davis.

How in the gently caress is there a book about a Cleveland investigator who has a chance encounter with a vampire, but its the wrong book about a Cleveland investigator who has a chance encounter with a vampire

# ? Aug 10, 2020 03:55

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# ? May 12, 2024 06:23

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Shrecknet posted:

How in the gently caress is there a book about a Cleveland investigator who has a chance encounter with a vampire, but its the wrong book about a Cleveland investigator who has a chance encounter with a vampire

Cleveland rocks.

# ? Aug 10, 2020 03:56

Sesquiculus: Aug 15, 2002

eating only apples posted:

I only reread this series a few years ago, shows how forgettable it is

It's the Garfield of fantasy novels. You know how Jim Davis, when he set out to create Garfield, decided to very deliberately create something marketable and comfortable rather than actually entertaining? Yeah. David Eddings decided to start writing fantasy after he found a copy of the Lord of the Rings in a bookstore, was shocked to discover it was still in print, and decided there was money to be made there.

But anyway I agree, this is definitely the Elenium trilogy.

# ? Aug 10, 2020 04:34

BlankSystemDaemon: Mar 13, 2009

Still looking for a childrens book about two cats who go out on a fishing boat in a storm and get served meatballs by a friendly chef when they finally get home - it's told from the point of view of one of the cats, if memory serves.

# ? Aug 10, 2020 12:59

TommyGun85: Jun 5, 2013

eating only apples posted:

The Elenium, David Eddings

(has to be. Sparhawk - holy knight, thief kid - Talon hangs out with the squire whose name I can't recall, Flute the mute girl who turns out to be a goddess at the end of the second book, there probably was a haunted castle and a spear but the troll was the Gollum ripoff)

All of this is probably the Ruby Knight book specifically, the second book in the series, it was my first Eddings and I think most of this happens in it

e: oh there definitely was a bad castle in the second book, the one with the evil countess whose servant walled her up until she starved to death. And Talen is actually Kurik's kid. It's all coming back to me. I only reread this series a few years ago, shows how forgettable it is

Thats the one. I know you mention how forgettable it is, are his other books worth a read?

# ? Aug 10, 2020 13:43

eating only apples: Dec 12, 2009; Shall we dance?

TommyGun85 posted:

Thats the one. I know you mention how forgettable it is, are his other books worth a read?

Eh, once you've read one series you've basically read them all. They're easy though and entertaining enough, I have a big soft spot for the Elenium despite its... uncomfortable bits

# ? Aug 10, 2020 14:30

Selachian: Oct 9, 2012

TommyGun85 posted:

Thats the one. I know you mention how forgettable it is, are his other books worth a read?

You've read one Eddings book, you've read them all. (edit: also, as you can see above, if you've read one post about Eddings, you've read them all.) Literally, he recycles plot points wholesale from one series to the next.

Also, Eddings and his wife both spent time in prison for child abuse -- although they're both dead now, so you won't be putting money in their pockets if you do choose to buy their books.

That said, I liked the Belgariad back when I was a teenager, but I soured on him when the Sparhawk books came out because the repetition was just so blatant.

# ? Aug 10, 2020 14:30

Runcible Cat: May 28, 2007; Ignoring this post

TommyGun85 posted:

Thats the one. I know you mention how forgettable it is, are his other books worth a read?

They're all basically identical, so if you find one inoffensive light reading you'll probably find the rest the same, until your mind cracks from the repetition and you leap screaming from the window.

Ed: I would say efb, but in this context we're obviously just doing a bit about those books.

(efbeaten on that too)

# ? Aug 10, 2020 14:32

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

The Chad Jihad posted:

Dude gets sucked into a fantasy world, discovers that their magic system can like, be translated into binary or something and uses that to become super good at magic. There was also a dumb sub-plot where the love interest thought he was only interested in her because she cast a love spell on him, but it turned out the spell didn't work to begin with. In the end he actually loses to the head evil guy because he's still a novice with no stamina but another wizard saves the day (the only interesting part). I feel like riding dragons may have featured

Popped into my head because it's basically one of those garbage isekai stories but it had to be at least a decade or two old and before those got really big

Some of this sounds like The Wiz Biz. He makes a programming language for magic by building big spells out of small spells but IIRC he doesn't run out of stamina he's just kind of a garbage coder so he can't turn off the worm virus he made to gently caress up the bad guys' magic

Splicer fucked around with this message at 14:47 on Aug 10, 2020

# ? Aug 10, 2020 14:38

TommyGun85: Jun 5, 2013

Yikes, I did not know about Eddings or his wife. I will not be reading anything further from them.

# ? Aug 10, 2020 14:50

Lot 49: Dec 7, 2007; I'll do anything
For my sweet sixteen

D. Ebdrup posted:

Still looking for a childrens book about two cats who go out on a fishing boat in a storm and get served meatballs by a friendly chef when they finally get home - it's told from the point of view of one of the cats, if memory serves.

This sounds familiar but I can't find anything that matches it exactly.

The Mousehole Cat is a famous children's book about a cat who goes on a fishing boat in a storm and has a big pie at the end.

The Quayside Cat is about two cats who go out to sea and at one point there is a storm. Don't remember any meatballs though.

# ? Aug 10, 2020 16:41

BlankSystemDaemon: Mar 13, 2009

Lot 49 posted:

This sounds familiar but I can't find anything that matches it exactly.

The Mousehole Cat is a famous children's book about a cat who goes on a fishing boat in a storm and has a big pie at the end.

The Quayside Cat is about two cats who go out to sea and at one point there is a storm. Don't remember any meatballs though.

From the synopsis, it doesn't seem like it's either of those books - the f irst one it can't be because the cats definitely get meatballs (well, Danish 'frikadeller', specifically - at least in the audiobook version I had as a kid), and the other because the framing device doesn't match.

If you have any other suggestions, I'm all ears, as I've been looking for this book for over two decades at this point.
If it helps, I think one of the cats might be female?

# ? Aug 10, 2020 17:00

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

TommyGun85 posted:

Yikes, I did not know about Eddings or his wife. I will not be reading anything further from them.

I get the reaction, but they are both long dead and as far as I know, no estate to profit from sales. It's not like you are putting money in his pocket and rewarding bad behavior. Go forth and read and enjoy. Dude's been worm food for like a decade, he's not learning any new lessons from people boycotting his work.

# ? Aug 10, 2020 18:31

ChubbyChecker: Mar 25, 2018

TommyGun85 posted:

Yikes, I did not know about Eddings or his wife. I will not be reading anything further from them.

if you are only reading books written by morally good persons you won't have much to read

but fortunately for you, eddings was also a bad author, so you won't miss anything by not reading him regardless of the reasons

# ? Aug 10, 2020 22:10

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

ChubbyChecker posted:

if you are only reading books written by morally good persons you won't have much to read

I know that this forum likes to bicker over whether or not you're allowed to read Mishima or Hamsun or whoever, but I think there's a qualitative difference between thinking or saying bad things and outright monstrous actions. Ezra Pound was a fascist, but that was a consequence of the same worldview and mentality that produced his Cantos; it's meaningless to divorce them, and since it's all a matter of what was in his head and on the page (and over the airwaves in Italy), it's all safely confined to the realm of ideas, which are perfectly free to be wrong and, no matter how wrong they may be, can always be squared with conscience, as people are happily selective about what they will and will not act on in practice, regardless of any cognitive dissonance or outright incoherence. But once you get into the realm of the Eddingses beating their children or Marion Zimmer Bradley and her husband raping theirs, the jig is up. There's no way to reconcile the inhumanity of these actions with the human empathy that engaging with art demands. When I read Pound's feverishly heady verse, I understand perfectly why he would be drawn into extremist politics � the ideals are cracked, but they're embodied with commanding conviction. But any ostensible conviction in, say, The Mists of Avalon is too patently insincere, too obviously a lie, for me to have any interest in engaging with it. David Eddings writing fantasy to entertain children is a joke too pathetic to laugh at. Is there any moral imperative to avoid these books? Of course not. It's still entirely reasonable to be uninterested in playing along with their authors' ruse.

Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 17:46 on Aug 11, 2020

# ? Aug 11, 2020 00:17

ChubbyChecker: Mar 25, 2018

Sham bam bamina! posted:

I know that this forum likes to bicker over whether or not you're allowed to read Mishima or Hamsun or whoever, but I think there's a qualitative difference between thinking or saying bad things and outright monstrous actions. Ezra Pound was a fascist, but that was a consequence of the same worldview and mentality that produced his Cantos; it's meaningless to divorce them, and since it's all a matter of what was in his head and on the page (and over the airwaves in Italy), it's all safely confined to the realm of ideas, which are perfectly free to be wrong and, no matter how wrong they may be, can always be squared with conscience, as people are happily selective about what they will and will not act on in practice, regardless of any cognitive dissonance or outright incoherence. But once you get into the realm of the Eddingses beating their children or Marion Zimmer Bradley and her husband raping theirs, the jig is up. There's no way to reconcile the inhumanity of these actions with the human empathy that engaging with art demands. When I read Pound's feverishly heady verse, I understand perfectly why he would be drawn into extremist politics � the ideals are cracked, but they're embodied with commanding conviction. But any ostensible conviction in, say, The Mists of Avalon is too patently insincere, too obviously a lie, for me to have any interest in engaging with it. David Eddings writing fantasy to entertain children is too pathetic a joke to laugh at. Is there any moral imperative to avoid these books? Of course not. It's still entirely reasonable to be uninterested in playing along with their authors' ruse.

shrouds have no pockets, so canceling eddings will do him no harm, but of course it's good for children and 40yo goons to read other books

speaking of the mists of avalon, i started to read it when i was a teen and really into fantasy, but it was so awfully boring that i had to quit

would you recommend pound?

# ? Aug 11, 2020 00:30

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

ChubbyChecker posted:

if you are only reading books written by morally good persons you won't have much to read

but fortunately for you, eddings was also a bad author, so you won't miss anything by not reading him regardless of the reasons

Well you could still read Brandon Sanderson right? He writes enough each year for you to have enough to read... (I assume, I actually stopped reading him years ago.)

# ? Aug 11, 2020 00:47

ChubbyChecker: Mar 25, 2018

Hughlander posted:

Well you could still read Brandon Sanderson right? He writes enough each year for you to have enough to read... (I assume, I actually stopped reading him years ago.)

he hasn't been caught yet doing anything gross, but he's also a bad author

# ? Aug 11, 2020 00:51

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

ChubbyChecker posted:

he hasn't been caught yet doing anything gross, but he's also a bad author

So right at home with the rest of the people we're discussing

# ? Aug 11, 2020 00:55

TommyGun85: Jun 5, 2013

ChubbyChecker posted:

if you are only reading books written by morally good persons you won't have much to read

but fortunately for you, eddings was also a bad author, so you won't miss anything by not reading him regardless of the reasons

I agree with you and have no issues generally if the material is seminal, fantastic or culturally important, but in this circumstance, hes not good enough of a writer for me to look past the issues.

# ? Aug 11, 2020 01:19

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

ChubbyChecker posted:

shrouds have no pockets, so canceling eddings will do him no harm

It's not a matter of "canceling" anybody. I am similarly uninterested in ever seeing The Pianist, and this will not change when Roman Polanski dies � I have no illusions of financially punishing a multimillionaire for drugging and raping a child; it is enough that he drugged and raped a child to discount whatever value his film would have to me.

ChubbyChecker posted:

would you recommend pound?

Yeah, although he's a bit of a problematic fave.

Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 01:57 on Aug 11, 2020

# ? Aug 11, 2020 01:53

Davros1: Jul 19, 2007; You've got to admit, you are kind of implausible

Shrecknet posted:

How in the gently caress is there a book about a Cleveland investigator who has a chance encounter with a vampire, but its the wrong book about a Cleveland investigator who has a chance encounter with a vampire

Was it "Vampire Beat"?

# ? Aug 12, 2020 03:21

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Davros1 posted:

Was it "Vampire Beat"?

Absolute chaos pun.

# ? Aug 12, 2020 03:27

Solenna: Jun 5, 2003; I'd say it was your manifest destiny not to.

Applewhite posted:

I read a short story anthology like a decade ago and I've been trying to find the author's name.

Two stories I remember:

A story where the perspective character falls in love with a beautiful woman, but the woman is married to another man. The other man is a fat, ugly man covered in horrible, black curly hair. The protag and the woman conspire to murder her husband and live together.
After the husband is dead, they keep finding the husband's awful black hairs in their mattress. No matter how many times they sweep the hairs away, they always reappear.
The protag and the woman begin to waste away. It appears they've been cursed by the ghost of the murdered husband.
In the end it turns out the "black hairs" were parasitic worms living in the mattress and they were actually wasting away because the worms were drinking their blood every night.

The other story has the perspective character trying to cross a futuristic barrier that keeps striking them down whenever they step onto it. Then the perspective zooms out and the character is a dog trying to cross a road.

I am so excited I get to answer for once! Alan Dean Foster's Impossible Places. That was the first story in the book too.

There's a short story I'm looking for from The Years Best Science Fiction anthology edited by Gardner Dozios but I don't remember which volume and it involved a rebellion (I think) and quasi-animal cars that acted like big dogs. Definitely at least a decade old.

# ? Aug 13, 2020 08:21

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Solenna posted:

I am so excited I get to answer for once! Alan Dean Foster's Impossible Places. That was the first story in the book too.

There's a short story I'm looking for from The Years Best Science Fiction anthology edited by Gardner Dozios but I don't remember which volume and it involved a rebellion (I think) and quasi-animal cars that acted like big dogs. Definitely at least a decade old.

The only �cars that acted like dogs� story I remember is the Asimov one about the cars with positronic brains that went to live on a farm when they retired. It wasn�t that one?

# ? Aug 13, 2020 14:20

Solenna: Jun 5, 2003; I'd say it was your manifest destiny not to.

Applewhite posted:

The only “cars that acted like dogs” story I remember is the Asimov one about the cars with positronic brains that went to live on a farm when they retired. It wasn’t that one?

it is not though that sounds great, but I took another look online and actually found it this time around! It's The Voluntary State by Christopher Rowe and it's been in a bunch of anthologies.

# ? Aug 13, 2020 18:23

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Solenna posted:

it is not though that sounds great, but I took another look online and actually found it this time around! It's The Voluntary State by Christopher Rowe and it's been in a bunch of anthologies.

The Asimov one is called Sally https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sally_(short_story)

# ? Aug 13, 2020 18:31

CampingCarl: Apr 28, 2008

I remember a set of <series/short stories/excerpts> that were about corporate/business type people crossover with pulp fantasy/barbarian elements. Contracts were in signed in blood from ritual knife, board room members wielded battle axes, that sort of stuff. I think one cover had an old guy in a suit and a horned helmet. I am not sure these were stories or books or just a page or two each as parody.

# ? Aug 15, 2020 01:17

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

CampingCarl posted:

I remember a set of <series/short stories/excerpts> that were about corporate/business type people crossover with pulp fantasy/barbarian elements. Contracts were in signed in blood from ritual knife, board room members wielded battle axes, that sort of stuff. I think one cover had an old guy in a suit and a horned helmet. I am not sure these were stories or books or just a page or two each as parody.

I'm guessing these are the "business fantasy" covers/excerpts from Liartown, so all parody, but excellent anyway.

# ? Aug 15, 2020 03:09

Big Bad Beetleborg: Apr 8, 2007; Things may come to those who wait...but only the things left by those who hustle.

CampingCarl posted:

I remember a set of <series/short stories/excerpts> that were about corporate/business type people crossover with pulp fantasy/barbarian elements. Contracts were in signed in blood from ritual knife, board room members wielded battle axes, that sort of stuff. I think one cover had an old guy in a suit and a horned helmet. I am not sure these were stories or books or just a page or two each as parody.

Could also be Tom Holt's J. W. Wells & Co series, starting with The Portable Door?

# ? Aug 15, 2020 04:38

wizzardstaff: Apr 6, 2018; Zorch! Splat! Pow!

Pretty sure based on the cover art that it's The Cold Cash War by Robert Asprin.

e: or not, you mentioned a guy in a suit too :doh:

wizzardstaff fucked around with this message at 06:01 on Aug 15, 2020

# ? Aug 15, 2020 05:57

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

I'm pretty sure that "horned helmet" was supposed to mean a stereotypical Viking helmet, too.

# ? Aug 15, 2020 15:46

Runcible Cat: May 28, 2007; Ignoring this post

The Regional Accounts Director of Firetop Mountain?

# ? Aug 15, 2020 16:29

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

Antivehicular already got it right. Here's a link to the books themselves instead of just the blog, which I wanted to post earlier but didn't have the time to dig up.

Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 17:42 on Aug 15, 2020

# ? Aug 15, 2020 17:39

AnonymousNarcotics: Aug 6, 2012; we will go far into the sea
you will take me
onto your back
never look back
never look back

AnonymousNarcotics posted:

I posted this in the Discord but it hasn't been found yet.

HELP. Book from early 2000s, mystery. I think it was part of a series. Something having to do with the internet. It had a black cover with blue writing on it. The one that I read had something to do with snow... A ski lodge or something

The cover was black with blue text all over it, maybe code? There were no pictures on the cover as far as I can remember.

It was definitely late 90s/early 2000s and the early internet was an important part of the story. Maybe they had met on a forum or something? That's what connected the books in the series I think. It didn't have the same characters, but all had to do with this internet group

The book that I had had something to do with snow or skiing or a ski lodge and the text on the cover was blue.

I think other books in the series had a different color text all over the cover

OMG I figured out what the book was.

It was a book series called danger.com and the one I was thinking of was "Shiver"

# ? Aug 19, 2020 00:01

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

That rules.

# ? Aug 19, 2020 00:11

baromodo: Nov 14, 2012

Hey folks. I've been trying to find a short story which may have been written by a regular (at one time) contributor on this very site. I want to say Zack Parsons because the style reminded me a bit of his That Insidious Beast series. I could be completely barking up the wrong tree about its origin though. My memory of the story I'm looking for is super vague, but I think it involved some sort of dimension-hopping experience into a bizarre empty world with giant infant-like creatures stomping around. I have another fragmented visual about stretching limbs and vials of liquid? This could all be a fever dream, but I'm hoping someone remembers...

# ? Aug 25, 2020 01:05

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

There was an SCP about something kinda like that. Do you remember if it involved colors?

# ? Aug 25, 2020 01:13

baromodo: Nov 14, 2012

Stupid_Sexy_Flander posted:

There was an SCP about something kinda like that. Do you remember if it involved colors?

Hmm, you could be onto something. It does sound quite SCP-ish. I have no recollection about colors featuring prominently at the moment.

# ? Aug 25, 2020 01:21

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# ? May 12, 2024 06:23

Ornamented Death: Jan 25, 2006; Pew pew!

Pretty sure you're remembering SCP-093.

# ? Aug 25, 2020 01:36

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > The identify that story/book thread: Home of the gas pump boy

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