|
Ghost Leviathan posted:The idiots threat in GiP occasionally reminds us that war is fought with idiots on all sides. Like the time they watched an Afghan guy plant a land mine, and then come back and step on it. If it’s the story I’m thinking of, he didn’t even come back and step on it, he jumped on it to make sure the pressure plate worked. It worked.
|
#
?
Aug 5, 2020 17:12
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 15, 2024 14:07 |
|
|
Ugly In The Morning posted:If it’s the story I’m thinking of, he didn’t even come back and step on it, he jumped on it to make sure the pressure plate worked. lmao
|
|
#
?
Aug 5, 2020 20:30
|
|
|
In 872 Sigurd "the Mighty" Eysteinsson challenged a local scottish ruler called Máel Brigte the Buck-Toothed to a battle. They agreed that they both should bring forty men but SIgurd brought eighty and Máel Brigte was defeated and beheaded. Sigurd then tied Máel Brigte's head to his horse and rode away. Unfortunately for him his leg was grazed by the severed head's teeth, the wound was infected and as a result Sigurd died a short while after.
|
|
#
?
Aug 8, 2020 22:51
|
|
|
Alhazred posted:In 872 Sigurd "the Mighty" Eysteinsson challenged a local scottish ruler called Máel Brigte the Buck-Toothed to a battle. They agreed that they both should bring forty men but SIgurd brought eighty and Máel Brigte was defeated and beheaded. Sigurd then tied Máel Brigte's head to his horse and rode away. Unfortunately for him his leg was grazed by the severed head's teeth, the wound was infected and as a result Sigurd died a short while after. Moral of the story: never bite the hand that beheads you. Bite the leg instead.
|
|
#
?
Aug 9, 2020 01:30
|
|
|
Alternatively: wear thicker pants.
|
|
#
?
Aug 9, 2020 21:44
|
|
|
Did ok’ Bucky got the nickname before or after that?
|
|
#
?
Aug 9, 2020 21:46
|
|
|
In 1669 Henry Morgan celebrated the capture of two french ships with roasted pig. Unfortunately a spark ignited the gun powder depot, his ship sank and Morgan lost 200 000 silver coins.
|
|
#
?
Aug 13, 2020 18:28
|
|
|
Henry Morgan attacked Panama city with the largest collection of pirates in the caribbean and the spanish tried to stampede cattle into them but gunfire scared the cattle into murdering spanish instead
|
|
#
?
Aug 13, 2020 19:30
|
|
|
Henry "Long Ben" Every (or Avery) committed one of the most profitable crimes in history when he and his pirates raided a Mughal fleet. He was never caught.
|
|
#
?
Aug 14, 2020 17:36
|
|
|
Stede Bonnet was such a complete failure at being a pirate that it wraps around and makes his life a hilarious dark comedy.
|
|
#
?
Aug 14, 2020 18:50
|
|
|
Captain Kidd is probably one of the more famous pirates due to the legends of his buried treasures. But his status as pirate is actually controversial. He was executed because of piracy but most considered that he was a victim of political intrigue.
|
|
#
?
Aug 14, 2020 19:21
|
|
|
Jim Bowie, hero of the Texas Revolution and namesake of the Bowie knife, made his fortune scamming in the slave trade in cahoots with the pirate Jean Lafitte. Basically, the Atlantic slave trade was illegal. But since the US still fuckin loved owning people, what happened when "contraband" slaves were brought to the US was that the government would acquire them and sell them on for a tidy profit. Not, you know, let them go home. And if you were the one who reported the contraband, well, you got a chunk of the money once they were sold. Bowie and Lafitte essentially smuggled slaves into the states, and then Bowie would immediately narc and get the money.
|
|
#
?
Aug 14, 2020 19:28
|
|
|
Edgar Allen Ho posted:Jim Bowie, hero of the Texas Revolution and namesake of the Bowie knife, made his fortune scamming in the slave trade in cahoots with the pirate Jean Lafitte. And then he died fighting for the right to keep people enslaved.
|
|
#
?
Aug 14, 2020 22:44
|
|
|
That's why he's a texan hero
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2020 01:15
|
|
|
Living the Texan dream, killing brown people before dying with less than $100 to his name
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2020 01:33
|
|
|
Also specifically he died bedridden with yellow fever contracted after a weeks long bender while commanding an armed militia. (They also participated in the bender.)
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2020 15:43
|
|
|
Texas seceded from two different countries in order to maintain slavery.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2020 15:55
|
|
|
Now that's dedication to a bit.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2020 18:05
|
|
|
Alamo is one of those battles were there really isn't anyone to root for. Just a gang of assholes killing a smaller gang of assholes.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2020 18:33
|
|
|
Now I'm just reminded of late DS9 where O'Brien and Bashir get into an Alamo holodeck program and even start theorycrafting and making a miniature Alamo model to strategise. Though noting that if they wanted to win, they could just play Santa Anna.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2020 19:05
|
|
|
Santa Anna had some good ideas.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2020 19:11
|
|
|
Alhazred posted:Alamo is one of those battles were there really isn't anyone to root for. Just a gang of assholes killing a smaller gang of assholes. That reminds me of this young adult novel I read growing up in Texas when I was less than 10 and it was one of the first times I remember really questioning the established narrative, deep in the Bush era. It was from the perspective of a conscript teenager in the mexican army and it didn't pull any punches. Also it had some pretty vivid scenes where one of his buddies is dying of gangrene during the siege. Wish I remembered the name.
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 01:59
|
|
|
Alhazred posted:Alamo is one of those battles were there really isn't anyone to root for. Just a gang of assholes killing a smaller gang of assholes. Anyone shooting at Americans, you root for. Unless you MAGA.
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 02:07
|
|
|
3D Megadoodoo posted:Anyone shooting at Americans, you root for. Unless you MAGA. MAGAs are actually pretty fond of shooting at americans nowadays. Think they got it from these guys 
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 02:10
|
|
|
3D Megadoodoo posted:Anyone shooting at Americans, you root for. Unless you MAGA. OK, Finn.
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 02:49
|
|
|
Ghost Leviathan posted:Now I'm just reminded of late DS9 where O'Brien and Bashir get into an Alamo holodeck program and even start theorycrafting and making a miniature Alamo model to strategise. Though noting that if they wanted to win, they could just play Santa Anna. it's because one of the writers loved the alamo, in fact it's how casy biggs got hired (Damar), he was in a made for TV special about the alamo
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 02:51
|
|
|
Did you guys know that Hitler had a scat fetish? An Australian art band wrote a song about it in the 80s. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qgsebueN-o Seriously, young me thought that this song was based on historical fact, and as such could never take Nazism seriously, (because it is otherwise a completely reasonable and sane ethos.)
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 02:53
|
|
|
It's amazing that the Nazis ever got anything done considering that their entire system of governance was deliberately set up to encourage infighting.
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 03:00
|
|
|
FreudianSlippers posted:It's amazing that the Nazis ever got anything done considering that their entire system of governance was deliberately set up to encourage infighting. Uh, you try winning a war without a parachute tank division e: if anyone doesn't know I should clarify, Fallschirm-Panzer-Division Herman Göring wasn't even a crazy, failed, but potentially good idea about somehow doing airborne tank attacks. It was just the air force stealing a bunch of tank crews and making paratroopers into mech infantry because Hermann Göring wanted a cool panzer division like the army had. Also the division did a bunch of war crimes. Edgar Allen Ho has a new favorite as of 03:05 on Aug 16, 2020 |
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 03:02
|
|
|
FreudianSlippers posted:It's amazing that the Nazis ever got anything done considering that their entire system of governance was deliberately set up to encourage infighting. It was such a shitshow that the British opted to cancel an attempt on Hitler’s life because they were worried someone competent might replace him.
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 03:03
|
|
|
Hitler and Stalin get compared a lot but Stalin was an obsessive bureaucrat who'd stay up late doing paperwork so he could be aware of the finest details of governance and managed to win a power struggle against the dude who had absolute power over the Red Army purley by being on top of the paperwork and making the Secretary of the party, formerly a boring modest rank, the default top rank of the entire state. Micromanagment to the finest details. By comparison Hitler slept in until noon every day and never showed up to meetings that didn't directly connect to his main interests of architecture and colonialism and had a leadership style that was entirely hands off and actively encouraged competition (because strength, according to fascism, comes only through struggle which is why having two government ministries that have the exact same goal competing is actually good.) Everyone was just expected to do whatever the gently caress they wanted as long if was generally in the spirit of Hitler's ideas it was all good. FreudianSlippers has a new favorite as of 03:35 on Aug 16, 2020 |
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 03:30
|
|
|
And yet Nazi Germany is still a model of good government compared to imperial Japan.
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 03:40
|
|
|
I mean Hirohito was literally God, until he wasn't. Something not even Stalin at his height could've claimed.
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 03:47
|
|
|
Wasn't the emperor of Japan basically a puppet for like 90% of japanese history Though the history of Japan basically has a dozen different terms for 'regent for life', Shogun being just the first layer
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 04:52
|
|
|
Ghost Leviathan posted:Wasn't the emperor of Japan basically a puppet for like 90% of japanese history The Japanese state begins around the 4th century AD, and the shogunate is from 1185 to 1868. So about half of Japanese history rather than 90%. I cant remember the dates, but there was an emperor during the shogunate who had to work as a poet in court because he didn't have any money. There was also a European missionary who visited during the shogunate at one point and said that a bunch of peasants didn't actually know there even was an emperor. If I am remembering the book I read correctly, the missionary wasn't sure what the emperor actually was, and got the impression that he was some kind of Pope. So yeah he was very sidelined, especially as the imperial court and the seat of government were in different cities (kyoto and edo/tokyo) for a lot of that time. Red Bones has a new favorite as of 05:43 on Aug 16, 2020 |
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 05:40
|
|
|
Edgar Allen Ho posted:Uh, you try winning a war without a parachute tank division Yup! Goring bitched, wined and moaned that he could play Army better than the Army could until he got his own tank division. Any time I hear someone talk about how great the Nazis were I bring up the fact that the Luftwaffe had a loving Panzer division. Because that's exactly what the airforce needs. Goring was such an amazing goddamn fuckup even compared to the rest of Nazi High Command.
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 06:52
|
|
|
FreudianSlippers posted:It's amazing that the Nazis ever got anything done considering that their entire system of governance was deliberately set up to encourage infighting. Yeah, even when Berlin was surrounded by the soviets they still tried to jockey for positions. Borman fought with Göring and managed to get him arrested for treason. Himmler met with Folke Bernadotte and tried to convince him that Germany could join forces with USA and Britain against Soviet. Hitler then threw Himmler out of the government (to Borman's delight) after Hermann Fegelein was caught with documents revealing Himmler's plans. Hermann Fegelein was then executed. Hitler then named Karl Dönitz as his successor. Himmler then met with Dönitz to try and be his second in command, both had armed bodyguards with them to protect them from each other. Dönitz denies Himmler any part of the new government. Then fearing that Borman will stage a coup Dönitz publicly announces that he is now the leader of Germany, but Borman has finally realized that any such plans is useless and has fled the country (in 1998 it was revealed that he killed himself at the train station in Lehrter). Himmler then met with Germany's new prime minister Lutz von Krosigk still trying to forge an alliance with USA and Britain. Himmler was told to get to gently caress out and he tries to escape. Meanwhile Göring is drinking expensive wines at his castle in Mauterndorf where he was held in house arrest. When news about Hitler's suicide reaches his guards they leave. Göring then sends telegrams to Eisenhower offering peace talks after the capitulation he surrenders to the allies and keeps on drinking, he's confident that he and the allies will reach a common understanding about Germany's future. Finally Dönitz is summoned to meet the allies on the ship Patria where he's told that the german government is dissolved. Alhazred has a new favorite as of 07:52 on Aug 16, 2020 |
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 07:49
|
|
|
Alhazred posted:Yeah, even when Berlin was surrounded by the soviets they still tried to jockey for positions. Borman fought with Göring and managed to get him arrested for treason. Himmler met with Folke Bernadotte and tried to convince him that Germany could join forces with USA and Britain against Soviet. Hitler then threw Himmler out of the government (to Borman's delight) after Hermann Fegelein was caught with documents revealing Himmler's plans. Hermann Fegelein was then executed. Hitler then named Karl Dönitz as his successor. Himmler then met with Dönitz to try and be his second in command, both had armed bodyguards with them to protect them from each other. Dönitz denies Himmler any part of the new government. Then fearing that Borman will stage a coup Dönitz publicly announces that he is now the leader of Germany, but Borman has finally realized that any such plans is useless and has fled the country (in 1998 it was revealed that he killed himself at the train station in Lehrter). Himmler then met with Germany's new prime minister Lutz von Krosigk still trying to forge an alliance with USA and Britain. Himmler was told to get to gently caress out and he tries to escape. Meanwhile Göring is drinking expensive wines at his castle in Mauterndorf where he was held in house arrest. When news about Hitler's suicide reaches his guards they leave. Göring then sends telegrams to Eisenhower offering peace talks after the capitulation he surrenders to the allies and keeps on drinking, he's confident that he and the allies will reach a common understanding about Germany's future. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYz1ADttI1g Göring ends up getting smuggled a cyanide pill and kills himself before his hanging for war crimes is carried out. HOWEVER, John C. Woods of Leavenworth, Kansas, USA carries out the hangings of the other prominent nazis at Nürnberg. It's not clear whether he did it out of incompetence or malice, but the hangings are botched and the trap door is too small, so most of the nazis smack their faces on the way down and some of them strangle instead of dying instantly. One, Julius Streicher iirc but I'm not sure, took 28 minutes to die and the audience took a smoke break. Normally this would be horrible but he was a nazi so who cares. Edgar Allen Ho has a new favorite as of 08:13 on Aug 16, 2020 |
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 08:05
|
|
|
Alkydere posted:Yup! Goring bitched, wined and moaned that he could play Army better than the Army could until he got his own tank division. Any time I hear someone talk about how great the Nazis were I bring up the fact that the Luftwaffe had a loving Panzer division. Because that's exactly what the airforce needs. Isn't this basically the US Marine Corps? The Navy's Army's Air Force. Part of why the fancy new jet is such a complete mess that barely functions if at all is because of the Marines wanting input on their new toy.
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 09:07
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 15, 2024 14:07 |
|
|
Ghost Leviathan posted:Isn't this basically the US Marine Corps? The Navy's Army's Air Force. Part of why the fancy new jet is such a complete mess that barely functions if at all is because of the Marines wanting input on their new toy. Exactly. And the Army has it's own aircraft, the Airforce has ground forces, there's a maze of competing special forces and intelligence organizations, weird thinks like NOAA and Public Health Corps and ...
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2020 09:25
|
|