niethan posted:

Mentat

Anne Frank Funk posted:

JAMIS
Ladies and gentlemen, the J.A.M.I.S system is a comprehensive approach to combat that I have perfected over the years. See, my success in fighting does not solely stem from my rocking bod and my skills. There is a careful systemic approach that has allowed me to become the martial arts expert that I am today.

HARAH
An expert? Is that how you see yourself?

JAMIS
Yes.

KORBA
He has fought a lot of dudes. You know, just shut up, Harah, shut up.

JAMIS
Now, the first step to any hand to hand conquest is to J: Joke About Your Opponent. In this most recent case, my subject was Geoff, Harah's former hubby. I joked about the volume of his emmisions. I told him "You give the seed in such a small quantity, you shall never give a child to your wife.", thus destroying his confidence.

HARAH
You're snooping on people's cum now?

JAMIS
That's the easy part, Harah.

STILGAR
I would've gone in and bought a set of Magnum maker hooks, thus demonstrating that I can call a monster worm.

JAMIS
Right, that comes off a little bit desperate, Stil, but if you want to have a Magnum hook peeking out of your fremkit when you go to ride, that's a different story. Now, let's move on. Once you've killed with a quality joke, you are going to want to CALL THEM OUT. Once you've challenged them, you move on to A: Attack Immediately, I personally try to engage the guy physically without ever negotiating another outcome, which to me is really just a waste of time and water. I'll tell him I know this great little sietch, invoke the Amtal rule, that makes it sound cool. Makes it sound exclusive. And then when we get to the sietch, the sphincter is closed, as of course it always is during the day. So I'll feign surprise and say something along the lines of "Well, I guess we could call a worm and duke it out in Cave of Ridges" And once we're there, it is game over. I engage him physically and the martial showdown begins.

OTHEYM
Smooth, very, very smooth stuff. Very classy. I'm learning a lot from you right now, dude.

JAMIS
Okay. Now, once you start fighting the man, he will naturally try to kill you. Okay? All men do this.

KORBA
They certainly do! You got that right!

OTHEYM
Killing men.

KORBA
Once you attack 'em --

OTHEYM
Like that.

JAMIS
Right. Right. Which brings me to the M: Making Your Move, you're gonna want to make the move that is going to fool him, guys. Attack with the knife, aim for his eyes, to make him blink and be momentarily blind--

HARAH
Oh, for Christ's sake, you're a complete sociopath!

JAMIS
Don't interrupt, okay? Now, if you've completed all the other steps properly up to this point, he'll naturally want to take the fighting to the next level. But you're not gonna do that, you're going to do the exact opposite. Parry, guys, PARRY. Which brings me to the I: Introduce Treachery. Switch your attacking hand, shift the knife in his moment of blindness. And that's the perfect time to--

KORBA
Steal Their Water.

JAMIS
Yes, Korba, that's right. I S: Steal Their Water. J-A-M-I-S, the J.A.M.I.S. system. That, my friends, is the key to winning any fight.

Ingmar terdman posted:

Bubblyblubber posted:

"We're going to try the spice essence!"

"Goddamnit Atreides you're always allowing your wild talents to start poo poo when you're on the spice!"

"We only want to pierce time's veil, we promise we won't let our wild talents start any poo poo!"

uber_stoat posted:

niethan posted:

Gom Jabbar

Anne Frank Funk posted:

A week from now I will be watching the duonu trailer in the local imax.

After that they will show some movie, whatever.

If I die, I die.

Popoto posted:

is it next week?

YoursTruly posted:

If we all wore still suits would we still spread covid?

Bubblyblubber posted:

Well I need my fucks, gonna go stare at Duncan for a bit.