- bluetail
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*leprechaun voice* they're always after me dick and balls
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Aug 22, 2020 11:18
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 24, 2024 16:56
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- Dip Viscous
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might just have to make extra sure they find me "pot o gold"
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Aug 22, 2020 11:57
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- Christoph
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Imagining literally every Mexican person you know is secretly a luchador by night
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Aug 22, 2020 17:18
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- Gene Hackman Fan
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by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
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*leprechaun voice* they're always after me dick and balls
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Aug 23, 2020 06:10
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- deep dish peat moss
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Toddlers logging in to Zoom for virtual preschool
(A little girl sits there, red-faced and mouth open, then she falls off her chair and can be seen lying on the floor flailing in the background.)
Teacher: Jamie, you're muted.
Jamie: (climbing back into her chair) Oh, sorry. WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
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Aug 23, 2020 12:49
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- Jolo
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ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it
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Finally figured out why they're called Indy Cars. The cars have no doors for getting in so you just climb Indy car.
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Aug 23, 2020 20:40
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- bird.
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At a restaurant, Waiter: "Enjoy your meal this evening."
Me: "Thanks, you too."
Waiter: "hahaha."
Me, staring at the waiter dead rear end in the eyes, unblinking, unflinching, raising the slice of pizza slowly with my hand: "You. Too."
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Aug 24, 2020 01:13
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- Trying
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feeding my waiter like a mother bird as a power move
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Aug 24, 2020 16:49
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- Finger Prince
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feeding my waiter like a mother bird as a power move
Interrupting my waiter, as he explains to another table what the daily special is, to tell him "everything's great, thanks!"
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Aug 24, 2020 16:59
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- Cubone
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Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.
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Interrupting my waiter, as he explains to another table what the daily special is, to tell him "everything's great, thanks!"
Waiter: "Sorry, sir, was there something that you needed?"
Me: "No. Everything's great. Thank you."
Waiter: "I'll be with you in just a moment okay?"
Me: "I said everything's great. I said that three times now."
Waiter: "... Alright, well, I'm helping another customer right now, okay?"
Me (thinking): What part of this is this guy not getting?
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Aug 24, 2020 17:55
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- bird.
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so tired of all these loving NIMBYs, especially my goddamn roommate who keeps vetoing the above-ground pool i want to order on amazon
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Aug 24, 2020 21:22
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- nut
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thinking that fishhh and chips and vinegar song is one of the ballads with containing th elost knowledge of seasoning proportions
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Aug 24, 2020 21:23
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- Finger Prince
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thinking that fishhh and chips and vinegar song is one of the ballads with containing th elost knowledge of seasoning proportions
As well as the socially appropriate disposal of one's muck.
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Aug 24, 2020 21:32
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- Dip Viscous
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woody from toy story but he's voiced by boomhauer and keeps stepping in poop
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Aug 25, 2020 09:15
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- deep dish peat moss
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Getting the procedure from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind to make me forget about pizza, because lactose intolerance is no good for us
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Aug 25, 2020 13:17
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- TheShrike
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You mechs may have copper wiring to re-route your fear of pain, but I've got nerves of steel.
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Finally figured out why they're called Indy Cars. The cars have no doors for getting in so you just climb Indy car.
This made me chuckle 
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Aug 26, 2020 04:41
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- canyoneer
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I only have canyoneyes for you
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modernizing movies
"the king's peach" - a foreign expert takes on the difficult task of educating the king about correct text message etiquette, informing him that the peach emoji is colloquially used as innuendo
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Aug 26, 2020 21:47
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- idiotsavant
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We had emerged victorious, but the sweet taste of triumph soon turned to bitter soap in my mouth. the coriander wars would spare no one
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Aug 26, 2020 23:29
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- Christoph
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Like an atomic wedgie but with different sources of power. So like a coal wedgie would involve sprinkling coal dust on their crack and a wind-powered wedgie would involve fanning their rear end
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Aug 27, 2020 07:13
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- Dip Viscous
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time to convert to geothermal
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Aug 27, 2020 07:20
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- Prof. Crocodile
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I tried jesse ventura's chewing tobacco now I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, just as he promised, but it's hard to take a bra off with these tiny arms
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Aug 27, 2020 16:03
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- magic cactus
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We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.
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I tried jesse ventura's chewing tobacco now I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, just as he promised, but it's hard to take a bra off with these tiny arms
*in the voice of peppy from star fox*
try a hoverboard
Thanks to Saoshyant for the amazing spring '23 sig!
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Aug 27, 2020 16:19
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- Putty
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HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS
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Fat Nuts Gaming
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Aug 28, 2020 18:48
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- nut
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please remember to hit the bell icon
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Aug 28, 2020 18:56
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- ChubbyChecker
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Like an atomic wedgie but with different sources of power. So like a coal wedgie would involve sprinkling coal dust on their crack and a wind-powered wedgie would involve fanning their rear end
sprinkling coal dust on crack and fanning the rear end are both sword moves from the wheel of time
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Aug 28, 2020 19:43
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- Prurient Squid
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Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.
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How about space insults?
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Aug 28, 2020 23:51
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- deep dish peat moss
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modernizing movies
"the king's peach" - a foreign expert takes on the difficult task of educating the king about correct text message etiquette, informing him that the peach emoji is colloquially used as innuendo
Titus Andronicus but it's ancient romans in modern cities
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Aug 29, 2020 03:31
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- Prurient Squid
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Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.
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Like "Suck on an Oort cloud plasma breath or you'll be be shovelling orbital debris for a lunar cycle."
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Aug 29, 2020 12:40
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- Prurient Squid
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Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.
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Pokémon Go only it's just the board game Go and your opponents are Pokémons. 
That reminds me of the Sliders episode where they go to the reality where hip hoppers rap about Keats and Othello has the prestige that Football usually does.
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Aug 29, 2020 12:42
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- Putty
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HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS
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Pokémon Go only it's just the board game Go and your opponents are Pokémons.
board game night with slowpoke
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Aug 29, 2020 17:58
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- mind the walrus
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That reminds me of the Sliders episode where they go to the reality where hip hoppers rap about Keats and Othello has the prestige that Football usually does.
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Aug 29, 2020 18:03
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- bird.
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teenager at the mall after reading Catcher in the Rye for sdchool: "these fools, these simps all getting in my goddamn way, i bet all their passwords are 'password', ALL OF THEM"
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Aug 29, 2020 19:25
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- magic cactus
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We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.
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"Suck on an Oort cloud plasma breath or you'll be be shovelling orbital debris for a lunar cycle."
Thanks to Saoshyant for the amazing spring '23 sig!
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Aug 29, 2020 19:30
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- Prurient Squid
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Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.
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How about you have a space station and the upper echelons of the crew are super intelligent androids who make enlightened decisions with their positronic brains and the lowest tier crew are stupid androids who do the mundane, dangerous work that no one wants to do but the humans make up middle management?
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Aug 31, 2020 09:46
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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#
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May 24, 2024 16:56
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- Dip Viscous
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john madden giving a really enthusiastic and detailed description of an ear of corn while drawing lines and arrows all over a marker board
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Aug 31, 2020 13:12
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Aug 22, 2020 11:18
