League of Legends: This New Champion Slaps

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > League of Legends: This New Champion Slaps

Vandar: Sep 14, 2007; Isn't That Right, Chairman?

I don't even recognize what skin set that is.

The Bee posted:

I'm sure there are some people out there that really want Willy Wonka to step on them.

Base Caitlyn is a remnant from an older age and I would be absolutely okay with them giving her a visual update at some point.

# ? Oct 17, 2020 04:31

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# ? Jun 7, 2024 22:29

Firebert: Aug 16, 2004

Vandar posted:

I don't even recognize what skin set that is.

The Invictus Gaming 2018 World Champion skins

# ? Oct 17, 2020 04:42

Audax: Dec 1, 2005; "LOL U GOT OWNED"

I miss goonlol wiki

quote:

Urgot: Not Beautiful

The bright sun shone over the fresh snow of the battleground at Summoner's Rift, a stretch of land encompassing a mountainous forest. Two bases sat at either end of the great forest. Immobile stone sentries guarded against anyone who would attack the walled bases, protecting the glowing buildings of great, glowing energy. Behind the trio of buildings sat a greater construct, bustling small warriors and wizards in cloaked robes rushing in and out of the building, arming the base for the arrivals of what seemed to be a war. And sitting further behind the bustling behemoth laid a circular, glowing platform that was raised up off the ground by a small flight of stone stairs. The gentle bulbs of small light danced around the platform quietly, making no intentions of ever changing their lazy flow. Just then, in either base, the skies darkened. The small minions paused only slightly to notice the change in weather, before quickly tasking themselves with what they were up to. As if to meet the darkening sky, the omnious platforms, too, began to shir and shake; the small balls of light following suit. Chilling wind picked up and trees rocked from their hills as the air itself began to thin out, making way for a tremendous passage of energy.

In a flash that came and went quicker than a blink of an eye, five figures now stood grouped in both of the base's platforms. Without saying anything, the minions quickly finished their work and then armed themselves, paving paths through the wooded mountain so that the newcomers might take them without issue. The figures, too, crept quickly with no words amongst themselves, grouping up into pairs or rushing off alone into the woods, following their advancing waves of minions. In one lane, one of the summoned contenders raced on metallic, sinister legs. They creaked with a deathly chill as they plundered across the snowy trail, a revoltingly monsterous body sitting utop the mechanical legs. Rolls of pus-filled skin and fat sagged down, connected to each other only by mazes of scars and staples that just hardly managed to keep the grotesque body in one piece. As the monster made his way down the lane, he approached another one of the giant, stone towers that mirrored the ones found within the summoning bases. Urgot had reached the outer turret tower of his lane. The great monster froze, one hellish, burning green eye servying the landscape while the other eye lie dead, hidden behind a glass lense that gave the image something might be working under it. Metallic breaths came out in deep gasps as Urgot got his arms ready- one arm ending in a threatening cannon and the other in a twisting, razorsharp blade. Urgot's wait was a short one, as the horizon quickly perked up with moving, growing shapes. Leading the charge were minions' that were much like Urgot's, possesing only blue armors and robes rather than the purple ones Urgot's waves had donned. As the two opposing waves of minions rushed to confront one another, Urgot shifted his eye to another, more interesting sight. A winged, fully armored warroir flew a few yards above the cold ground, a large, intimidating sword clasped in her hands. To her side a robed woman strode, holding an icy bow to her side. From under her dark robe, snow-white hair whipped itself to the freezing air. Urgot readied himself.

The two approachers began making short work of Urgot's minion lines, chopping them down with ease and allowing their own minions to advance. Urgot simply aimed his cannon arm and began to fire. The robed archer reacted first, quickly jumping to the side of the blast. It would have been a clean get away, would it not have been for the pulsating gas that spewed from the blast. It coated the robed figure, making her recoil back to cough and cover her mouth. The winged warrior simply flew above the scope of the gas, safely in the air. "Ashe! You must move!" came a commanding female voice from behind the dark helmet. The robed figure nodded in understandment, and quickly turned to make her get away. Urgot, however, just cracked as much of a smile as he could from behind his Darth Vader-like mouth encasement. He fired a different shot, the one not firing in a steady line, but instead twisting in air, moving towards the robed woman with pinpoint accuracy. The winged judicator was the only one to notice this, as Ashe was quickly running with her back to the homing missle. The flyer quickly adjusted her wings to dive in rescue of her companion, but her speed was no match for the whinding missle.

It struck the back of the small-framed Ashe dead center, bloodily ripping into her back and rupturing her lungs. Kayle only stopped in horror as she watched the missle detonate, sending the entire top of her friend into a bloody explosion that dotted the pure white snowscape. Urgot cackled in triumph and quickly used Kayle's hesitation to charge towards the remaining target. Kayle turned in anger to the scuttling nightmare, and began to raise her sword in battle of her foe. But Urgot proved much too quick for both Kayle and his slow-looking body. With a great leap, Urgot grabbed Kayle in midair, his metal spiderlegs clamping down on her with power Kayle could only submit to. They fell to the earth and Urgot pinned Kayle to the ground under his massive weight. Though she struggled, it was no use. She was at his mercy. If he was going to show any mercy, that was. Urgot rubbed his weaponic hands together, plotting how best to dispatch his prized catch. It didn't take him long to decide. With a few thoughts, he summoned a long, snaking penis-like appendage from under one of his various sledges of flesh. Kayle's eyes widened in horror as the tentacle found its way straight into her virgin rear end in a top hat. The tentacle forced its way inside, not stopping once as it forcibly began to climb through her entire body. Urgot laughed out loud as Kayle's screams were quickly muffled by the tentacle lodging itself deep into the back of her throat. Only then did it begin to let off a bit, but only to re-jam itself within Kayle's innards. Urgot began to quicken the thrusting, while Kayle felt like every organ in her body was being beaten on with a redhot metal bar. The pain was so immense, Kayle almost blacked out several times, the only thing keeping her awake was her will to not give up so easily. Urgot simply sped up his organ loving. With a final few heaves, Urgot released a spewing, thick liquid of radiating sperm into Kayle's inner mouth. Kayle's nostrils erupted in twin waterfalls of rushing semen, while her brain itself was painfully coated with it. Kayle cried tears of chunky, glowing semen while Urgot continued his mocking laughter. He finally retracted the fiendish phallus while Kayle's broken, desecrated body lay unmoving in the snow. Urgot then picked his mass off from the body and skittered towards the halfed body of the frost archer. "This will do. Yes." Urgot voiced to himself. He hefted the body over one shoulder before turning back to the broken Kayle. "And you. You still have a use as well." Urgot retrieved his second victim and stood, as a shimmering, pulsing blue light surrounded him. Withing a few seconds, the three disapeered, leaving only disrupted snow, blood and sperm to mark themselves.

Urgot reappeared back at his base, on the same platform he'd came onto when he first arrived. Skuttling towards a small shop booth, Urgot summoned up the shopkeeper from inside. A large, warted pink troll in a thick purple robe approached a booth table. "What is it that is inquired?" the shopkeeper asked in a muddy voice. "I have what you've been looking for." Urgot said as he slammed the bottom half of Ashe onto the table infront of the shop keeper. The Shopkeeper, looking interested, stroked his balled chin as he hefted the legged corpse up to himself. With one grasp he tore away the archer's pants, uncovering her vagina. He silently bit away, removing the entire vagina with his gaping mouth in only one bite. He mawwed away at his as a fat kid would while consuming a spongey hostess cake, licking his lips as he finished. "Is good." was all he said as he placed the rest of the corse behind the shelf and reached back to something else. "And then, of course, I would like what is to be mine, then." Urgot demanded as the keeper of the shop placed a large, spiked, metal phallus on the self. "Yes. It's yours." The shop keeper nodded as he disapeered back into the shadows of his shop booth, eager to enjoy the rest of his new meal. Urgot chuckled as he rammed the sharp, metal end of the dildo into his large bellybutton, securing it within his own skin. With his new stomach dick, Urgot again continued out of his base to hunt for more victims, his second prize still drapped over his arm. It wasn't long before Urgot came to heads with his third enemy. A tall, commanding man with a powerful sword that rivaled that of Kayle's stood in the midst of a large minion battle, easily chopping away many of Urgot's minions. Urgot moved in. The large warrior took quick notice of Urgot, along with who he had in tow. With one warcry, the warrior lept forth and charged Urgot. Urgot, however, was prepared. He sucked his immense stomach in, and with it, the dildo. As he gathered kynetic energy from the power of his own stomach, Urgot forced his back to arch inwards, letting lose the muscles in his stomach. The spiked phallus rocketed out in a bloody launch, bolting itself straight into the battle-erected penis of Garen. Garen shot back in pain and pleasure as the hard, cold dildo ravaged his urethra as it rocketed into his scrotum, scorching his testicales with the rocket fire. Urgot used this hestitation to his advantage, shooting his worm-like penis to Garen's neck.

He wrapped around the neck, constricting it with his slender, yet powerful penis. Garen tried to fight, but his fingers couldn't hope to pry the powerful cock-noose from his neck. But Urgot had more in store for the defenesless Garen that simple lynching. No. He had much more. Urgot jerked with powerful quickness on Garen's neck, quickly and forcefully ripping the head off of the bloodied body. Urgot laughed as he headfucked the severed head, using it's eyesockets as a twin vagina. Once he was satisfied, he slung Kayle down from his shoulder and again prepared his satanic sex-drive. He held Garen's head from the hair as he moved it over Kayle's now exposed vagina. He slammed his penis as hard as possible into the back of Garen's tongue, forcing himself inside of it. Like a puppet, Urgot began controlling Garen's tongue, as quickly started to gently caress Kayle's bruised vagina with Garen's cold, dead tongue. Kayle murmured abit in her sleep as Urgot forced the tongue deeper and deeper into Kayle. "Oh.. Oh Garen..." Kayle whispered to herself as she began to wake up. She stared down at the head with moist eyes, thanking the gods what she has experienced before was nothing more than a hellish nightmare. Then she saw what was connected at the end of Garen's neck. Kayle's scream shook the forest as she tried to struggle away from the disgusting puppet. Urgot just, as he always had, laughed. Picking the puppet up, he bludgened Kayle in the face with the forehead of Garen's severed head, crushing Kayle's skull and denting her brain. Kayle fell, now a vegetable, back onto the ground. Urgot laughed as he discarded the head and moved back over to Kayle, his new sex toy. Urgot positioned himself over Kayle's bloody dent, flexing his muscles until his anus- now a rather large hole in his waist- opened. He took a large, chunky, whinding poo poo on Kayle's face. Blood and feces combinded as the poo poo slowly oozed down into Kayle's head. A splash of urine joined the fray and quickened the poo poo's descent into Kayle. Kayle was effectivally Urgot's human toilet. Urgot smirked another fiendish smirk as he heaved Kayle back up onto his shoulder, the piss and poo poo rolling out back onto Kayle's face and down Urgot's back. "Let's go. There's more work to be done." Urgot said to his new sex toilet. With another chuckle, Urgot continued back into the forest, eager for more victims.

The end.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Oct 17, 2020 05:08

el dingo: Mar 19, 2009; Ogres are like onions

Nah I dont miss wherever that came from

# ? Oct 17, 2020 07:37

Kazinsal: Dec 13, 2011

So, I've just started playing again after... wow, probably close to ten years. I've got a bunch of friends who play and it's fun! I'm having a lot of fun with bottom lane ADC, but I'm having issues with top lane. I seem to just absolutely get deleted in engagement with the enemy top laner. I'm playing Poppy and I seem to go up against Tryndamere and Mordekaiser quite a bit, and both of them have the ability to just turn me into putty.

Is there a decent top lane "tutorial" of sorts so I can sort of learn what not to do? I feel like I'm having a better grasp of bottom and maybe I should play some mid or something before I go into trying to hold top on my own. Most of our wins we end up with a horrible mess where at best I get the first tower down up top but lose both our top towers our bottom or mid is our no brakes steam train that we push all the way to core through.

# ? Oct 17, 2020 07:47

Impotence: Nov 8, 2010; Lipstick Apathy

Does anyone remember the creepy kennen lover or teemo lovers from back in s1-s3 or have any of those writings saved?

# ? Oct 17, 2020 08:38

Verviticus: Mar 13, 2006; I'm just a total piece of shit and I'm not sure why I keep posting on this site. Christ, I have spent years with idiots giving me bad advice about online dating and haven't noticed that the thread I'm in selects for people that can't talk to people worth a damn.

Audax posted:

I miss goonlol wiki

this post was always really boring

# ? Oct 17, 2020 08:50

foutre: Sep 4, 2011; RIP ZEEZ

Biowarfare posted:

Does anyone remember the creepy kennen lover or teemo lovers from back in s1-s3 or have any of those writings saved?

Ego ignaxio?

# ? Oct 17, 2020 08:56

Endorph: Jul 22, 2009

yeah as far as the weird lol porn goes 'heimerdinger! i must gently caress your rear end!' was way funnier

also

https://twitter.com/blaustoise/status/1113994943784046592

lol at this one, specifically. rip bard.

# ? Oct 17, 2020 09:10

Miftan: Mar 31, 2012; Terry knows what he can do with his bloody chocolate orange...

Bleck posted:

...Crab? Crystal Crab Champion?! Cool Crystal Crab Champion Concept??! ? ?! ?

why would you give me hope

We already have a crab skin. :colbert:

# ? Oct 17, 2020 09:47

Mega Comrade: Apr 22, 2004; Listen buddy, we all got problems!

Vermain posted:

Unfortunately, China, which is by far League's largest playerbase, vastly prefers sexy babes and chuuni anime characters to the more monstrous champions favored in the West. Per Blaustoise:
https://twitter.com/blaustoise/status/1113994939442978817/photo/1

So basically China is very very horny.

# ? Oct 17, 2020 12:48

iSurrender: Aug 25, 2005; Now with 22% more apathy!

Bwipo is cute and my friend.

# ? Oct 17, 2020 12:50

Invalid Validation: Jan 13, 2008

China just had a last stage weeb phase.

# ? Oct 17, 2020 14:35

How Rude: Aug 13, 2012; FUCK THIS SHIT

I'll stick with my caring, consensual bara shadow isles slash fanfiction, thanks.

# ? Oct 18, 2020 00:35

Polderjoch: Jun 27, 2019; May the sacred flame guide me... Or something like that.

iSurrender posted:

Bwipo is cute and my friend.

I'm sad he lost but the horn he made when he locked in Ornn was precious

# ? Oct 18, 2020 05:51

Kazinsal: Dec 13, 2011

I hate Sett.

That is all.

# ? Oct 18, 2020 09:51

Monicro: Oct 21, 2010; And you could feel his features in the air
A wide smile and perfect hair
He had complete control of the rising tides
And a medicine bag hanging at his side

In the flowing blue world of the death-dealing physician

sett is cooler than any 4 other champions put together

# ? Oct 18, 2020 10:46

SirSamVimes: Jul 21, 2008; ~* Challenge *~

iunno, vel'koz seems pretty top tier as far as coolness goes

his entire schtick being all about studying organic life by reducing it to individual atoms is cool and good

hmm, yes, their skeletons must remain on the inside or it turns out they collapse, very interesting.

# ? Oct 18, 2020 11:12

Extra Tasty: Aug 5, 2014

yes but have you considered that sett is hot

# ? Oct 18, 2020 12:55

RPATDO_LAMD: Mar 22, 2013; 🐘🪠🍆

i briefly considered that and then judged it to be false

# ? Oct 18, 2020 21:04

njsykora: Jan 23, 2012; Robots confuse squirrels.

Sett has too many muscles to be catboy hot and too much cat to be muscle man hot.

# ? Oct 18, 2020 21:16

SirSamVimes: Jul 21, 2008; ~* Challenge *~

i will not deny that sett is a hunk

# ? Oct 18, 2020 21:19

RPATDO_LAMD: Mar 22, 2013; 🐘🪠🍆

His official art has the exact wrong amount of stubble

Too much to be clean shaven, but not enough for a proper 5 o'clock shadow either.

# ? Oct 18, 2020 22:27

a fatguy baldspot: Aug 29, 2018

njsykora posted:

Sett has too many muscles to be catboy hot and too much cat to be muscle man hot.

yeah I agree. it�s too bad since his kit is really fun

# ? Oct 18, 2020 23:43

Cage Kicker: Feb 20, 2009; End of the fiscal year, bitch.
MP's got time to order pens for year year, hooah?

SKILCRAFT KREW Reppin' Quality Blind Made; Lipstick Apathy

RPATDO_LAMD posted:

His official art has the exact wrong amount of stubble

Too much to be clean shaven, but not enough for a proper 5 o'clock shadow either.

That just makes him look extra tough you dummy he's ready to wrastle at like 10am which is p decent

# ? Oct 18, 2020 23:54

Invalid Validation: Jan 13, 2008

But then all you see in game is his shoulder pads so he might not actually be hot.

# ? Oct 19, 2020 01:18

Cavelcade: Dec 9, 2015; I'm actually a boy!

Invalid Validation posted:

But then all you see in game is his shoulder pads so he might not actually be hot.

Just laffo if you don't play fully zoomed in to enjoy each detail

# ? Oct 19, 2020 01:51

Mikujin: May 25, 2010; (also a lightning rod)

njsykora posted:

Sett has too many muscles to be catboy hot and too much cat to be muscle man hot.

Probably for the best that he's part wolverine and not part cat then, bub.

# ? Oct 19, 2020 06:03

piL: Sep 20, 2007; (__|\\\\); Taco Defender

Mikujin posted:

Probably for the best that he's part wolverine and not part cat then, bub.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1yHhLDOdbs

# ? Oct 19, 2020 06:10

fnox: May 19, 2013

LAN is honestly the weirdest server. It's not like it has its own meta, it has people that through sheer stubbornness have somehow landed into builds that somehow work without ever bothering to read about the game. I played against a Miss Fortune who, having a pretty standard comp decided to duo top and leave the support alone bot. Builds the exact same thing every match, BT first, into Sanguine Blade, into IE, then stacks IEs. Never buys boots. Takes literally EVERY fight, always. Averages something like 8 kills with 8 deaths every game.

Somehow, this person is Gold 3 with over 500 games as Miss Fortune.

# ? Oct 19, 2020 07:22

Endorph: Jul 22, 2009

tbh pretty much anything can make it to gold so long as you have decent last hitting

# ? Oct 19, 2020 07:49

fnox: May 19, 2013

Endorph posted:

tbh pretty much anything can make it to gold so long as you have decent last hitting

I know, and that's largely the reason why this guy is gold, he averages 7.0 CS a minute while most laners at that level barely hit 6. But it's sort of ingenious how such a bad player, playing MF top, can actually climb out of Bronze, and I find it hilarious how it's the conclusion one would arrive if you're just reacting at everything that the game throws at you without ever putting all the pieces together. Why MF Top? Well, MF is a lane bully, most SoloQ toplane picks are melee, so MF automatically wins lane even if all they're doing is pushing. Because this guy takes Absolute Focus, two offense runes and Cut Down, plus starts longsword, his MF has an absurd amount of early damage, which discourages early ganks, since she can probably at least get a trade.

The lack of boots is not punished as severely on MF due to her W passive, but it also means he has a 1100g advantage over the enemy laner. Which means they're always about a Serrated Dirk or BF Sword ahead of the enemy laner. Rushing Bloodthirster means being always full health while pushing sidelanes, also keeps Absolute Focus up, and because Bloodthirster's overheal gives you a shield it means you can have more effective health without actually affecting the bonus from Cut Down. Combine this with Sanguine Blade and the likelihood that people are inevitably gonna try to 1v1 the splitpushing MF with no boots that has a lot of invisible power, means that this guy can actually get enough kills to shut down low Elo teams.

I just find flukes in the system like this funny. I mean the guy clearly can not play anything other than MF top, his stats with anything else are absolutely atrocious. So I don't think he himself understands why he's able to actually win anything.

fnox fucked around with this message at 09:45 on Oct 19, 2020

# ? Oct 19, 2020 09:40

njsykora: Jan 23, 2012; Robots confuse squirrels.

Remember Wild Rift aka League Mobile? It's gonna be going into open beta soon apparently. Though Europe isn't getting it until December.

# ? Oct 19, 2020 13:03

pog boyfriend: Jul 2, 2011

Monicro posted:

sett is cooler than any 4 other champions put together

wrong. imagine 4 yuumis on a rengar. team cat

# ? Oct 19, 2020 13:21

Invalid Validation: Jan 13, 2008

There�s plenty of one trick champion people in diamond. Hell I�d argue there�s more than a few one trick pro players.

# ? Oct 19, 2020 15:01

Action George: Apr 13, 2013

PBE trip report - Tanks still feel anemic if you go for typical tank builds and stack resistances. However, if you build half bruiser and abuse HP scaling they become quite fun as you become a 4K hp damage sponge that gets to more than double your effective hp with shields, gets a better Mundo passive in team fights, 300 AD and does 300+ dps as AOE.

# ? Oct 19, 2020 18:23

Drone_Fragger: May 9, 2007

yeah I wasn't entirely sure why they made steraks a mini mundo ulti. Seems kinda ridiculous since that can be built on a lot of champs to good effect.

# ? Oct 19, 2020 22:55

Verviticus: Mar 13, 2006; I'm just a total piece of shit and I'm not sure why I keep posting on this site. Christ, I have spent years with idiots giving me bad advice about online dating and haven't noticed that the thread I'm in selects for people that can't talk to people worth a damn.

pog boyfriend posted:

wrong. imagine 4 yuumis on a rengar. team cat

that�s five

# ? Oct 20, 2020 00:16

uguu: Mar 9, 2014

Why isn't Anivia played in pro lol?

# ? Oct 20, 2020 23:11

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# ? Jun 7, 2024 22:29

ungulateman: Apr 18, 2012; pretentious fuckwit who isn't half as literate or insightful or clever as he thinks he is

if you're going to pick a mage who loses lane and builds tear + roa you might as well pick kassadin who immediately wins the game at level 16 rather than a worse cassiopeia

# ? Oct 20, 2020 23:15

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