quote:

Gallagher is upset about a lot of things. Young people with their sagging pants (in faintly coded racist terms, he explains that this is why the jails are overcrowded—because "their" baggy pants make it too hard for "them" to run from the cops). Tattoos: "That ink goes through to your soul—if you read your Bible, your body is a sacred temple, YOU DIPSHIT." People naming their girl-children Sam and Toni instead of acceptable names like Evelyn and Betty: "Just give her some little lesbian tendencies!" Guantánamo Bay: "We weren't even allowed to torture all the way. We had to half-torture—that's nothin' compared to what Saddam and his two sons OOFAY and GOOFAY did." Lesbians: "There's two types—the ugly ones and the pretty ones." (Um, like all people?) Obama again: "If Obama was really black, he'd act like a black guy and get a white wife." Michael Vick: "Poor Michael Vick." Women's lib: "These women told you they wanna be equal—they DON'T." Trans people: "People like Cher's daughter—figure that out. She wants a penis, but she has a big belly. If you can't see your dick, you don't get one." The Rice Krispies elves: "All three of those guys are gay. Look at 'em!" The Mexicans: "Look around—see any Mexicans? Nope. They'll be here later for the cleanup." The French: "They ruin our language with their faggy words."

Above all, everything is gay, gay, gay to Gallagher. He leans into it with the borderline-­nonsensical, icked-out, ignorant glee of a boy—or the protest-too-much vigor of a GOP senator. Gallagher delivers your Bible verse for the day: "Without God, we are nothing but dust. What is butt dust? Is that what you get if your homosexual isn't properly lubricated?" He relates a story about spilling mouthwash onto his crotch during a show: "Lucky for me, there was no homosexuals in the area—'cause my balls was minty fresh." At other points during the show, Gallagher says, "Men and women can't live in the same house" and "There's no way men and women can have a relationship." He says he can't remember why he used to feel pleasure in looking at a woman. And, "There's only one kind of homosexual guy, and that's the pretty ones—why do homosexual men have to be so good-looking?" Gallagher. Listen. Is there something you want to share with us?

"This is why I'm not on TV," he keeps repeating. "I am powerful. They can tell. I'm an American and I'm gonna speak my mind." He tells the truth, the truth, the truth, the truth, and everyone else is afraid. The TV talk-show hosts are afraid, the network executives are afraid, the American people are afraid. It's our fault that he's not a superstar—not his—and he needs us to know it. We owe him. "Dave Letterman ain't comin' here. Robin Williams ain't comin' out here. You gotta say, you know, Gallagher came here, and he did two hours."

At last, after two hours of his tedious, hacky, right-wing manifesto, Gallagher gets to the part his (willing) hostages have been waiting for. It's time to smash some poo poo. There are the watermelons, there is some cottage cheese ("It's got the curds that blow up, just like on the news!"), there is sauerkraut and syrup and honey. Then Gallagher gets a tin pie plate. He opens a giant can of fruit cocktail and pours it in. He opens a can of some Asian vegetable—water chestnuts, maybe—and pours that in, too. "This is the China people and queers!!!" he screams and takes his sledgehammer to the thing with a fury that is no fun at all. Wet chunks of China people and queers fly everywhere. The hateful, bitter old man laughs. I cannot believe Bill Hicks is dead and this motherfucker is still touring.

Antifa Turkeesian posted:

This review is still the best and final word on Gallagher. Even ten years later I'm still shocked at how repulsive his material is:

https://www.thestranger.com/seattle/gallagher-is-a-paranoid-right-wing-watermelon-smashing-maniac/Content?oid=4357855


I guess he sued Gallagher Two, his own brother, because he was booking more dates at better venues than the original. Seems like a real nice guy.

quote:

Comedians need meaning. We need to know what words mean, and our society now is intent on blurring the meaning of just about everything. And the legal system also! “What is an adult? What’s premeditation? What is a felony?” It’s very difficult. “What’s improper behavior?” I ask these cops. If the kids already have their pants mostly down and they’re facing a wall, how do you know they’re not about to pee on the wall? Because this is what you do with homeless guys. You would catch them with their pants half down and you would get them for indecent exposure and public urination. And the cop told me, you can’t arrest them until you see the “brown round.”

AVC: What? What’s that?

G: That’s your dick. I guess everybody has a brown dick.

AVC: To take things back a little bit to comedy—

G: I’m a little pissed. I know that I am an excellent live performer. I know that I have spent my life paying attention to my art form, developing my art form, worrying about my show and what it is I’m bringing to people, making sure that I give them a fine trade. They get a two-hour show, sometimes a three-hour show, for a decent price. And I’m rewarded with immature, drunken behavior. Why in the hell did I sit at home thinking up really intelligent, insightful comments on the passing American scene just to end up at a drunken brawl where the things I say have to be yelled over the yelling that’s already going on? But you know what? Madison is wonderful. They’re going to listen. Detroit is drunken idiots. It was no surprise to me. I performed with Kenny Rogers for one year as his opening act, and I got to visit every major American city and notice the audience, and Detroit was one of the worst. Comparing them to 100, I did 100 dates with him. It was no surprise to me that the riot at the basketball game occurred in Detroit. It would not have occurred in Minneapolis.

AVC: What percentage of your audience do you think are hardcore fans vs. people who are just curious and haven’t seen you before?

G: See, that’s the problem—casinos give away the tickets. I had a problem just a few nights ago at a casino where I walked off the stage because they weren’t respecting me, and the audience was composed of people who got the ticket for free because they were high rollers. They weren’t really my fans filled with love and admiration and thankfulness that told me how much I’d meant to them over the years. But if you want to go back to your question about that New York situation—once again really thanking the Internet for making me have to address everything I do.

Stingwing posted:

I had never heard of Gallagher before, but this Simpsons joke is making a lot of sense now:

https://i.imgur.com/JpSJilt.mp4

fartknocker posted:

My entire memory of Gallagher was his specials from the late 80’s or early 90’s used to be in regular rotation on Comedy Central like 20~ years ago. It’d be the sort of thing airing all day on a Saturday in August, and it’d make for mediocre background noise while doing something else, worth paying attention mainly when stuff started getting smashed. The only jokes I remember are the previously mentioned racist airline joke and one about “You drive on a parkway and park on a drive way.”

Icon Of Sin posted:

Just like the movie PCU. Speaking of things that didn't age well...(I haven't seen it in ~15 years, but I'm assuming none of it did). It also has some early Jon Favreau (which feels weird after he's been a director more than a star now).

Antifa Turkeesian posted:

I guess it makes sense that he would want the image to be too small for people to read all of it.

Iron Crowned posted:

Speaking of lovely comics, Jeff Dunham was on TMZ last night bitching about how you just can't make jokes like you used to these days. I'm just sitting there thinking, "dude, you get up on stage with extremely racist puppets, what do you expect?"

the_steve posted:

Speaking of comedians, what ever happened to Larry the Cable Guy? poo poo, for awhile there you couldn't NOT see him in a movie or a commercial or product warranty card, and nowadays I have to remind myself that he even exists.

Megillah Gorilla posted:

Wait, that's Gallagher?

Then who was the red haired comedian who got jacked and took that photo where you can see his orange pubes?


EDIT: Okay, that was Carrot Top.

the_steve posted:

Speaking of comedians, what ever happened to Larry the Cable Guy? poo poo, for awhile there you couldn't NOT see him in a movie or a commercial or product warranty card, and nowadays I have to remind myself that he even exists.

christmas boots posted:

Rebranded. He’s Lawrence the Streaming Gentleman now

the_steve posted:

Speaking of comedians, what ever happened to Larry the Cable Guy? poo poo, for awhile there you couldn't NOT see him in a movie or a commercial or product warranty card, and nowadays I have to remind myself that he even exists.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

I really want to see a stand up comedy act about an extremely fancy gentleman with a monocle and all who is scandalised by random things.

mind the walrus posted:

Like, Louis CK or Aziz or whomever, them I get. They didn't make their "gently caress you" money quite yet and got burnt. They're doing the dance and playing to the only market that'll still have them. I don't like it, but I get it

Antifa Turkeesian posted:

Blue Moonlight posted:

Well, I think I’ve finally found the best argument against Showtime’s continued existence.

Antifa Turkeesian posted:

I guess it makes sense that he would want the image to be too small for people to read all of it.

AceOfFlames posted:

I dunno, that Dexter finale WAS pretty bad...

Ghost Leviathan posted:

I really want to see a stand up comedy act about an extremely fancy gentleman with a monocle and all who is scandalised by random things.

Antifa Turkeesian posted:

I always feel a little bad for Carrot Top because there’s a joke commentary on the dvd for the pretty unpleasant Roger Avery film The Rules of Attraction that is Carrot Top watching the film for the first time and reacting to it. He just sounds befuddled and not quite in on the joke that he is the joke, although I guess he did still agree to have it included. This was pre-ripped and self-aware Carrot Top.

Alhazred posted:

Both Aziz and Louis CK are multimillionaires. They are both worth over ten millions us dollars. How is that not " gently caress you" money?

mind the walrus posted:

Like, Louis CK or Aziz or whomever, them I get. They didn't make their "gently caress you" money quite yet and got burnt. They're doing the dance and playing to the only market that'll still have them. I don't like it, but I get it.

Mooseontheloose posted:

I thought Aziz was doing relatively normal routines while Louis CK went hard into LIBERALS AMIRITE?