(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
|
You guys are doing a performative pity party for each other to support the grand cause of giving up on treatment. That's its own thing but in the process you're insulting people that are responding in good faith, which is why I feel good about yelling at endlessmonotony. e: I'd like to state again that the annoying poo poo I started replying to this thread for was thehandtruck saying 'everyone deserves healing' and endlessmonotony then piping up to say 'actually no, because everyone can't necessarily be healed because the world isn't perfect'. It's logically incongruent, cruel, and self-disqualifying from care. Jorge Bell has issued a correction as of 08:56 on Dec 4, 2020 |
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 08:48
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 23, 2024 13:04 |
|
|
Jorge Bell posted:You guys are doing a performative pity party for each other to support the grand cause of giving up on treatment. That's its own thing but in the process you're insulting people that are responding in good faith, which is why I feel good about yelling at endlessmonotony. The problem there being that I do seek help, and so has T-man. I start seeking help again every time something new comes up just in case it might be the warning about a future collapse I really could use knowing right the hell now. I object to the idea that I "deserve" things I'm not getting and to the idea that there's always something you can do and that you need to constantly do more or you're a Bad Disabled Person. They may respond in good faith, but they're also being incredibly tone deaf.
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 08:55
|
|
|
endlessmonotony posted:The problem there being that I do seek help, and so has T-man. You are running from the pain of knowing that you may never get something you deserve. Dealing with that is healing. Sorry it hurts.
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 08:57
|
|
|
Jorge Bell posted:You are running from the pain of knowing that you may never get something you deserve. Dealing with that is healing. Sorry it hurts. I'm running from the pain of knowing I won't heal by accepting I won't heal and objecting to the idea that I deserve something that won't happen? If I deserve something you would loving think I'd have a route to get it and not have society constantly screaming I can't afford it. Huh. Is this you just stepping up your trolling? If so, this is more like it.
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 09:02
|
|
|
Jorge Bell posted:You are running from the pain of knowing that you may never get something you deserve. Dealing with that is healing. Sorry it hurts. gently caress off with this poo poo, you're being an rear end in a top hat and trying to justify it on mental health grounds. we do not need your help, nor did we ever ask for it. I was hoping you'd reflect on what you're doing here with the last post and come to this conclusion on your own, but seriously, I've heard enough condescending bullshit.
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 09:03
|
|
|
"You deserve to be happy" "Actually, NO you ableist gently caress!"
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 09:06
|
|
|
Frankly I'm fully unable to tell if he's trying to help or if he's just a disingenuous shitlord trying to rile people up. Not exactly something I would say I need, but apparently according to a good amount of the internet, it is something I deserve. Ho-hum. Same as it ever was.
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 09:06
|
|
|
Jorge Bell posted:"You deserve to be happy" Jorge Bell posted:You stupid dickhead, I'm going to assume troll, kind of cheap to do it in the mental health thread tho
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 09:07
|
|
|
The timing happening right after one troll is threadbanned is a little suspicious, yes.
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 09:13
|
|
|
Look at how much work you two are putting into defeating the idea of "You deserve to be happy." "he must be an alt" "yes yes quite suspicious timing" "there's no reason for him to say those things if he WASNT a troll" "no no not at all"
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 09:21
|
|
|
I mean, I don't agree with the idea that anyone deserves to be happy, because it would imply the world is unjust, rather than just the indifferent it is, and I think telling someone that isn't happy that they should be happy and they deserve to be happy is very unlikely to be useful or helpful in any way. But every example you brought up is really more related to you barging into a thread you've not posted in previously and opening with "you stupid dickhead". Sets a rather definite tone wouldn't you think? So either you're an rear end in a top hat looking for someone to pick on, or you got hit real personally by my objections to toxic positivity, and either way you've got some pretty severe issues.
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 09:28
|
|
|
endlessmonotony posted:So either you're an rear end in a top hat looking for someone to pick on, or you got hit real personally by my objections to toxic positivity, and either way you've got some pretty severe issues. Yes I was absolutely disgusted by the response you gave to someone offering valid, good faith words to another poster. After you mischaracterized thehandtruck's message as "everyone can be happy" instead of "everyone deserves happiness" you spent 8 paragraphs explaining why healing is impossible for you. You realize you're leaving those words for everyone reading this thread right? I don't care if you think it's "toxic positivity" or whatever, it was lovely to do and yes I'm going to confront you about it. You're not a cop, I'm allowed to post in this thread, I disagree with what you say and I'm calling you a rude rear end in a top hat for responding the way you did. This isn't a one-man show for T-man to applaud your doomblogs about how, actually, everything's awful and nothing can ever get better. It may be helpful to acknowledge that you've probably put more thought into this stupid loving argument than you have into getting better, but you'll probably just pout and whine and call me ignorant for suggesting that too. e: like how many replies in this thread do I need to have made for me to not be a bad actor? Which makes my arguments valid. Which makes your defenses invalid. Which means you've wasted your entire adult life saying you're helpless. Jorge Bell has issued a correction as of 09:52 on Dec 4, 2020 |
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 09:46
|
|
|
Jorge Bell posted:It may be helpful to acknowledge that you've probably put more thought into this stupid loving argument than you have into getting better, but you'll probably just pout and whine and call me ignorant for suggesting that too. Ah yes, in two decades+ of disability I've indeed spent more time refining this argument than trying to find any possible way out of my (incredibly painful, mind you) quandary. You stop being a bad actor once you stop doubling down on poo poo like this you rear end in a top hat. The further this argument goes the more unhinged and hostile you get and you started with "you stupid dickhead". thehandtruck was probably posting in good faith, they have a track record of seeing everything as a nail. They're tone deaf as hell, but hey, we all got our flaws. You, meanwhile, what can I even say now that you've crossed so many lines and gone all in on just being the worst rear end in a top hat you can? Welcome to Something Awful. The internet has made you stupid and now you're stuck here with the rest of us.
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 09:55
|
|
|
I'm damaged, I'll always be broken, no doctor can cure what ails me for I AM the disease! My mind itself is a rotten vessel, corpusculent and maggot-ridden, a corpse for the child I once was and yearn to be again. There exists no remedy for this condition, for if there was my entire life would be a vain attempt to cherish this comforting agony as the only definition for who I am. Without my pain I am nothing, so I protect the pain, I nurture the pain, I let it take root and eventually the pain may become my entire being. If someone attacks the pain, I defend myself, of course, I'm no weakling, despite being a shattered man. Come then, attack my pain and see where it gets you! I'll have you know that this curse I endure & have become is INVINCIBLE! EN GARDE! Jorge Bell has issued a correction as of 10:24 on Dec 4, 2020 |
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 10:21
|
|
|
this is not the thread for slapfights please stop already
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 10:26
|
|
|
okay
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 10:28
|
|
|
When I'm feeling down I like to eat a whole pizza
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 10:39
|
|
|
endlessmonotony posted:And whenever I share this I get a twin response of "you're way too depressing to spend time around" and "who cares". I've even tried to not think about it but turns out that if I'm constantly going "don't think about purple elephants" when talking to someone else I don't make any social connections. And when I talk about my problems, I don't make any social connections. When I'm getting an extra hour of sleep and fully ignoring going outside or talking to anyone at all, I don't make any social connections, but there's a chance I'll have the spare energy to get some real cleaning done. Rn I'm going through my own issues with reaching out for professional help, but it sounds like you've had substantial experience with lovely, judgmental doctors who deem you as "too complicated" of a case -- I'd imagine feeling that sort of constant judgment would eventually just feel like confirmation of some older negative belief(s) you have about yourself, especially when you need to work with people who seem to not want to do the thing they chose to do as a job. Just curious, does it feel like there would be someone in your life (like a friend or family member) around whom you could allow yourself to feel safe either to talk about the negative feelings you feel or to be your negative self without feeling their judgment? Or does it feel like you've been burned on placing that kind of trust in someone too many times before?
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 17:13
|
|
|
veepfake posted:Rn I'm going through my own issues with reaching out for professional help, but it sounds like you've had substantial experience with lovely, judgmental doctors who deem you as "too complicated" of a case -- I'd imagine feeling that sort of constant judgment would eventually just feel like confirmation of some older negative belief(s) you have about yourself, especially when you need to work with people who seem to not want to do the thing they chose to do as a job. Just curious, does it feel like there would be someone in your life (like a friend or family member) around whom you could allow yourself to feel safe either to talk about the negative feelings you feel or to be your negative self without feeling their judgment? Or does it feel like you've been burned on placing that kind of trust in someone too many times before? That's kinda it, it isn't the doctors. The conditions I have are incurable and I have had a lot of things done to stall and to treat the symptoms. Some of them worked well, some of them didn't, none stopped or cured the disease. I'm vastly better off than I would be without treatment, and I do keep up to my treatments, but nothing at all can keep the disease coming back... or from hurting. I could try to find someone to blame. I used to do that a lot. I stopped because it didn't help. And I could demand more treatment, but the truth is that I've got the best treatment available, and it doesn't take the pain away.
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 18:15
|
|
|
endlessmonotony posted:I do have other interests and a complex internal life lucky
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 18:17
|
|
|
indigi posted:lucky doing better than half the thread lmfao
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 21:45
|
|
|
Okay, I'm gonna toss my hat into the "therapy? good or bad ring" I've had the absolute worst experience with talk therapy that's possible to have, I think. Government-mandated conversion therapy for being trans, and it almost killed me. Seven years of an old cishet dude systematically destroying my identity, my self-esteem, my sense of worth, and everything I took pleasure in in the world. I'm on disability now, unable to hold down a full time job because of all the trauma from that, and I'm slowly, slowly getting better. Obviously, I can't say all talk therapy is good. I've had my fair share of talk therapists who have been totally useless too. But the ones I have connected with, that have understood me and what I went through, have helped me find a way forward out of the conversion therapist's damage. Talk therapy can't fix everything. But if you're stuck in that hole and you're thinking I'm worthless/useless/hopeless/nothing can ever get better, you're wrong. Because getting the right stuff, actually getting someone to help you, is the best way to start working on getting out of that hole, even if it does feel and is hard and difficult to access.
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2020 22:53
|
|
|
Therapy's much like all mental health treatments - it needs to be suitable for the patient's unique needs. It's far from being useless, but it's equally far from being panacea that solves the world's problems. Sometimes it just isn't a good idea, sometimes it's not useful, sometimes you have a mismatch between the therapist's skills and approach and the patient's problems. And sometimes it's exactly what someone needs to start unraveling their tapestry of woes. Therapy's a tool much like any other, and some therapists are real tools.
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2020 04:59
|
|
|
One thing I hate about depression is even though you feel like poo poo it still feels self indulgent to be feeling lovely. And even worse, you know real deep down that there's even a tiny kernel of truth to that. But, then I don't know, to get any better you have to ignore what you know is true and just be for awhile,,,,, I guess.
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2020 06:24
|
|
|
It's just... I've been at this for so long. It feels like every time I try to do better, I fall back and it gets harder the next time. I'm scared about my health; I'm a big goon, I don't get outside and never exercise. I've got two teeth that fell apart, I'm trans, and up until recently I got into a panic any time I'm outside. My body's falling apart and my mind is the cause. I've tried therapy, and aside from the first therapist, a cool older gay man who was working during the middle of the aids crisis (who sadly had to retire due to his health) I've not connected with any of my therapists. I've had several just up and leave the practice, and opening up about my lovely childhood and garbage adulthood time and time again is exhausting. I have no contact with my family aside from the ol' holiday text to my dad, my mom is severely mentally ill and disappeared years ago. I feel like it's only a matter of time until someone notices just how badly I'm doing and puts me in an institution, and it's getting hard to imagine that isn't what I need. And that's loving terrifying, knowing what I know about them. My mom broke down, I dropped out, and now I'm just barely scraping by as a person. Trapped in the same drat dysfunctional cycle my parents were, but worse and poorer. *sigh* time to make some appointments
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2020 08:05
|
|
|
I got laid off the summer before covid and didn't try very hard to get work afterwards since working sucks and I went through my savings. After the pandemic was recognized for what it was I moved across the country and have been staying with my mom. I feel like I've failed as a human being but luckily I have a superb group of long time friends that keep me going day to day via a small discord server we're all on. We play games together and support each other and can talk about anything without having that vulnerability attacked. It's been a vital support structure for me. If anybody else is struggling I suggest making direct efforts to try to build something like it, either locally with people you can trust to stay risk-averse with or online.
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2020 08:52
|
|
|
Jorge Bell posted:If anybody else is struggling I suggest making direct efforts to try to build something like it, either locally with people you can trust to stay risk-averse with or online. yeah and if you don’t have a house just get some lumber and pvc pipes and wiring and make your own. this can be applied to nearly any situation
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2020 08:55
|
|
|
indigi posted:yeah and if you don’t have a house just get some lumber and pvc pipes and wiring and make your own. this can be applied to nearly any situation Sorry yeah you're right I should just make 9 paragraph posts about how awful everything is, that's the point of this thread. edit so it's not just sarcasm: What is impossible about this? Should I be making sure that every single suggestion I make can be accomplished by an orphaned mute quadriplegic? That's my coping mechanism, it might work for you or somebody else reading the MENTAL HEALTH THREAD. Jorge Bell has issued a correction as of 09:39 on Dec 5, 2020 |
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2020 09:12
|
|
|
T-man posted:It's just... I've been at this for so long. It feels like every time I try to do better, I fall back and it gets harder the next time. I'm scared about my health; I'm a big goon, I don't get outside and never exercise. I've got two teeth that fell apart, I'm trans, and up until recently I got into a panic any time I'm outside. My body's falling apart and my mind is the cause. I've tried therapy, and aside from the first therapist, a cool older gay man who was working during the middle of the aids crisis (who sadly had to retire due to his health) I've not connected with any of my therapists. I've had several just up and leave the practice, and opening up about my lovely childhood and garbage adulthood time and time again is exhausting. I have no contact with my family aside from the ol' holiday text to my dad, my mom is severely mentally ill and disappeared years ago. I feel like it's only a matter of time until someone notices just how badly I'm doing and puts me in an institution, and it's getting hard to imagine that isn't what I need. And that's loving terrifying, knowing what I know about them. I'm sorry. It sounds like you have a lot on your shoulders. You seem like a cool and good person. Please remember that your health is worth the effort 
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2020 09:18
|
|
|
Gods_Butthole posted:I'm sorry. It sounds like you have a lot on your shoulders. You seem like a cool and good person. Please remember that your health is worth the effort thank you friend, i think I'm gonna go make my favorite herbal tea and listen to queen for a bit
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2020 09:38
|
|
|
T-man posted:My body's falling apart and my mind is the cause. Meanwhile, I've been disabled for... $largenumber of years now. I've fought my way back up again and again and again, arriving at "barely able to take care of myself" and no better. I've had doctors of all sorts, including landing me in the maternity ward as someone big and burly and bearded and very much not pregnant. So that was fun. (It was because they needed someone with relevant experience in spines right then and there, and that was the maternity ward's anesthesiologist.) I kicked my depression's rear end, same with anxiety disorder, and that has been working distressingly well. I'm fully functional despite... four major negative life events, including two separate further health collapses, all before I could recover from the previous one? I just get grumpy and complain, and then get back to work. Not that anything is getting done, apart from keeping things from escalating to worse. So I work as hard as I can, make sure to do the paperwork so I keep healthcare access, painstakingly document any new symptoms, contact the doctors when that happens, deal with the paperwork being hosed up, wake up at 10am to call a line that takes forty-five minutes to answer only to tell me to call a line that opens at 9am for an hour, so I pencil that in for tomorrow only to hear I need to call the other line which says I need to call this third line (no longer open that day) which directs me back to the original line... and then contact the mental health department's social worker (taking two weeks due to case load), whose demands for asking how the system works gets someone to bypass the system so I get an appointment, only to hear nothing meaningful can be done because doctors can't get me a new spine (well, yet, anyway). I work as hard as I can, I go through every avenue for aid, I know how the paperwork system works better than the people who work with it daily... and for everything I do, I fall a step behind from keeping pace, every day. I accomplish nothing, I just die slower. I'm sick and tired. But most importantly I'm sick and tired of people telling me it'll get better, that there's just the one magic trick I haven't tried, that the only thing standing between me and health is not believing this dipshit who knows neither who I am nor what I have been through. And 2020 is a year for self-improvement if nothing else, and my self-improvement is no longer holding my tongue.
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2020 20:35
|
|
|
So when you feel like you're loving it up and breaking down and living life wrong... ... you need to re-evaluate your standards because that's literally all humans. Every single one. No exceptions.
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2020 20:48
|
|
|
talk therapy works for some people prescriptions help some people some people have tried both options with no success, and just gotta cope how they can world's not getting any better, except maybe on an individual basis, if you're lucky shouting into the void "everyone can be healed!" is great and can be a good way to convince yourself otherwise
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2020 21:37
|
|
|
i think in my life, i've finally reached a point where i don't feel a need to be 'healed'. i don't feel sick with depression, depression is just something i have to deal with. i'm gonna have really lovely days when my broken brain is going to do everything it can to work against me, but so long as i maintain the perspective of 'i probably feel this way because of my broken brain'. talking about it here openly has sort of helped me identify the 'patterns' of my manic episodes and i can generally sort of compartmentalize those feelings as feelings I feel when my brain is loving with me. i guess i'm lucky in that the nature of being manic (i'm sure there's another word for it by now but i've seen the inside of a therapist's office about twice since moving away from my original therapist back in new england) almost kind of has an escape clause built in because it's episodic. maybe one day there will be a breakthrough in non-ssri's that will help me but until then...i'm managing and i don't want to be pitied or whatever it is when someone says 'oh well have you tried x thing' because right now...i'm okay with who i am with depression and that's good enough for me i'll probably be back complaining about something dumb this week in the middle of an episode though. stay tuned!
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2020 22:16
|
|
|
I got my denial from the SSA today. Obviously knew it was coming but still upsetting
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2020 22:19
|
|
|
nerve posted:I got my denial from the SSA today. Obviously knew it was coming but still upsetting They are pretty much denying everyone these days. Don't give up, lawyer up and you will most likely get it. It may take some time, but what I did. My lawyer said they are even denying vets who were discharged from the military with 100% disability.
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2020 22:21
|
|
|
Arivia posted:I've had the absolute worst experience with talk therapy that's possible to have, I think. Government-mandated conversion therapy for being trans That is incredibly devastating and I can't begin to express how disgusting it is that torture was done to you. I am glad you are beginning to heal and have survived. What country still does that?
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2020 14:22
|
|
|
Bullfrog posted:That is incredibly devastating and I can't begin to express how disgusting it is that torture was done to you. I am glad you are beginning to heal and have survived. Plenty of them, but this was Canada. (It no longer is government-mandated.)
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2020 17:09
|
|
|
Also yeah I got to thinking last night. Thanks, insomnia, love you too. Also love four hours of insomnia followed by sixteen of sleep to really fix up my sleep schedule. I get unhelpful idiots professionally mandated to try to find something to do to improve my situation every so often. Because some rear end in a top hat or another doesn't believe two decades of documentation and decides to offload an impossible question to someone else instead of accepting I might be telling the truth. And there's one thing I will start screaming about. When I ask how their stupid idea is different from someone else's same stupid idea, they ask "well this time you'll try harder, right?". The truth is that I've been trying as hard as I can all along. Funnily, sometimes I hear the same about a physical disability they can see on imaging. I'm apparently not just trying hard enough to ignore physics. I used to do the same whole "it'll get better for sure as long as I work hard and give it all I got"... and uh, it didn't. I can't remember a time when my life wasn't marred by pain and disability. Now, my memory isn't what it used to be, on account of my brain having had a rough time, but I'm entirely certain that it's the way it always was, though more from what others can remember of me. ... to be entirely honest I can't even tell if my memory was any better, or if the damage just made me realize I couldn't remember after I got assessed. That's funny, isn't it? Not in the makes you laugh way, but in the makes you think way. I could have healed all the damage from the big incident, only to have been this disabled all along, and I don't think I'd be able to tell. All I can remember is pain and abuse and feeling empty. And where I had reactions like you might expect - I was a giant rear end in a top hat who didn't care at all what others were going through because I had it worse - I've worked hard to improve myself, to stop the disease, to hone my skills... and all I can see in front of me is the same as it ever was. I had hope. I worked hard. I got nowhere that way, and I blamed myself for it. The realization that it wasn't my fault was among the hardest I've ever had, because it forced me to accept the fundamental truth I certainly didn't want to - that this was the best outcome available. Work hard, do your best, be the best you can be, and it isn't enough. I could certainly put in the work to give future me the best shot, but I don't feel any motivation to. And yet I will, because what else can I do. I was supposed to have recovered by now, to have a social life that losing mobility cost me in the woods, to catch up on other people... and nah, all I got is a grim mind in a body that's in a grim state, ever falling short on the goals I set myself, no matter how much I think I can accomplish those goals. Instead I just get all this endless monotony. Yes, you can insert "that's the joke" about the username here, but I prefer the ending to American Psycho.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2020 21:30
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 23, 2024 13:04 |
|
|
Not in the sense that I want to hurt people. I couldn't care less. In the sense that nothing I say here changes the fact that thus far I've always ended up alone, miserable, sick and tired. No matter how hard I've tried to improve, no matter how much I've improved, no matter how hard I try, no matter how many times I keep going at it. Now I've spent a substantial chunk of the time possible and I'm still at square one. There's no reward, no punishment, no nothing. Just... same as it ever was. I've got a few friends. That I've never met, and with whom I can't be honest with. My brain's still broken, and it gets worse once exposed to people, and no amount of treatment on that subject has done anything but stress me out further. Especially as "therapy" and "abuse" has been a rather academic distinction for people with conditions like mine. I am increasingly unconvinced I even want anything at all from people. I'm just sick and tired of being sick, tired and alone, and the latter seems the easiest to solve.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2020 22:03
|
|