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Narcissists are just not worth the effort, especially narcissist parents, it's one of the rare examples where  is necessary and sufficient advice.
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Dec 26, 2020 16:58
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You aren't going to be able to change people's minds. Or their actions. You can only control yourself. If your mum is not taking covid seriously, don't let her in. Drop the latch and to hell with them. Screen the call and to hell with them.
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Dec 26, 2020 17:11
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I am so glad my parents are mostly ok, even if my mam does go a bit Daily Mail occasionally. Usually they are at worst confused centrist about things until I point them in the right direction. My little brother has apparently gone a bit brexity, but we don't really talk about it much, and both me and my older brother are both passionately lefty so tend to course correct faiely well. I screwed up the potatoes, pretty much everything else went ok with the big feast.
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Dec 26, 2020 17:12
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Regarde Aduck posted:I read somewhere that outrage can be addictive. Like any other feeling, outrage is caused by chemicals in our brains and apparently you can become addicted to the precise ones responsible. I wonder if it's that simple. Got angry at something one to many times and now has to be angry all the time. If you apply that to sufficient numbers you get nationalism, there's been legitimate left wing nationalist movements, but they've all come from a group of people with perceived commonalities treated like poo poo by an exterior, and they've often themselves later become exclusionary. If you apply it to an atomized individual you get a desperate search for 'anything but this' that can only find solace in the quick high of a bump of speed or a Daily Express article about the BBC liberals bumming the poppy again, which artificially tries to tie itself back into the idea of nation via the consumerism of purchasing a poo poo rag. In conclusion the United Nations Single Convention on Narcotic Drugs should have banned British journalism.
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Dec 26, 2020 17:17
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Failed Imagineer posted:Narcissists are just not worth the effort, especially narcissist parents, it's one of the rare examples where Tell me about it. Doesn't help when you're growing up in a society which is quite backwards re. mental health, but nearly worshipful of the idea of motherly love. Not a bad thing if you luck out being born into a loving family, but very damaging when you're living with an abusive parent and feel you have no one to turn to because the social mores are telling you that mother always loves you most, knows the best, and if you're being "abused" it's on you. Took me a long time to even identify that it's what it was and even longer to discover that I am actually capable of feeling love and having healthy relationships, seeing as I had no idea what they were like. Both of my parents are very well respected socially btw, both for achievements in their chosen professions and as being part of the "intellectual elite", I guess you could call it. Partly why I felt I had to literally leave the country to have any sort of an independent life, as I couldn't stand living a lie of functional family any longer any time I came across any of their acquaintances, but was also afraid that if I started being open about the reality of it, I would be judged and misunderstood, and lose even the relationships with people I'd treasured. Maybe that's why I have such a short fuse whenever I hear "traditional (family/cultural) values" being used to justify any prejudice under the sun. Don't have any more patience to hypocrisy.
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Dec 26, 2020 17:23
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My Dad is an absolutely fanatical FBPE, so the closest we get to arguing is when I get fed up of literally every single thing that happens being about Brexit. I know he has a Twitter account but I’ve never been able to bring myself to check if he has the EU flag in his username.
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Dec 26, 2020 17:24
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https://twitter.com/ErinNiBhroin/status/1340712258326949889
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Dec 26, 2020 17:25
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We had a great time at the Hunting of the Brits this morning, hope it becomes an annual tradition
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Dec 26, 2020 17:39
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Failed Imagineer posted:We had a great time at the Hunting of the Brits this morning, hope it becomes an annual tradition I've never been a 26 + 6 = 1 person but if it gets them to stop talking about the 1966 world cup i'll take it..... and i don't even like football. 
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Dec 26, 2020 18:03
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My dad's not too bad, but I appreciate how much he hates Boris Johnson now after enthusiastically voting him in.
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Dec 26, 2020 18:04
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Perhaps a hamster posted:Happy Boxing Day, UKMT. Spent most of yesterday sleeping, recovering from work, and today got around to performing some filial duties and calling my dad.
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Dec 26, 2020 18:07
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I wouldn't normally post just a random shop link, but clearly my targeted marketing on facebook is getting a) too close and b) high relevant for this thread. https://radicalteatowel.co.uk/sale/?sale=endyear2020 Home of the tea-towel posted earlier by Necrothatcher. Necrothatcher posted:My mum sent me a loving rad tea towel.
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Dec 26, 2020 18:18
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Am glad my parents are on the more rational side of the spectrum. Not sure where it comes from, but probably due to both came from poor as poo poo families, and had messed up family members that turned or tried to pin blame on them over family drama stuff. We just severed all contact with them, even though some still live a few minutes walk away. happyhippy fucked around with this message at 18:38 on Dec 26, 2020 |
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Dec 26, 2020 18:22
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I'm kind of glad my family doesn't really talk a huge amount about politics. My Mum - I suspect - lies somewhere around liberal centrist. My bro I suspect is classic 'centrist Dad'. My sister much more left, but has only recently started getting in to reading about and understanding politics (despite being in her late thirties...). She's been getting very interested in e.g. global inequality and systemic unfairness in the current economic system.
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Dec 26, 2020 18:30
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I'm so glad my mum is just a "The Great Helmsman Sturgeon will guide us to the promised land" SNP centrist.
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Dec 26, 2020 18:31
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Ewan posted:Have you ever thought of going full 'no contact'? I'm already no-contact with my mother apart from her sending me occasional emails whenever she feels entitled to knowing about my life; I don't respond though, even if I don't want to completely block her in case she has to contact me because someone dies. With my dad, my entire life we've barely kept in contact as is, mostly just perfunctory xmas/bday phone calls and even then he was more of a cool uncle to talk music or films with. My real father figure has been my grandad if anything, but he passed away when I was 16. But then some years ago my dad had a couple of heart attacks and seemed to rethink his priorities, so started making efforts to rebuild his relationship with my brother and I; didn't last long though. Now I mostly just keep in touch because he's still close to my brother's mum, and she's very much of a "respect and love your parents regardless" school of thought, so I wouldn't hear the end of it if I went no contact because she can be absolutely volatile when someone's on her poo poo list. As my brother's still living with her, I don't want to make the situation any more awkward for him. Until he moves out though, I should be able to handle couple phone calls a year. Just gonna have to make good use of threatening to hang up the minute the convo shows any signs of turning political.Think it just hit me so hard this time because I don't understand how someone who's so useless as a father and nearly incapable of showing love has the nerve to have strong opinions about the structure of other people's personal lives and families. Plus, it's been a poo poo year in general.
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Dec 26, 2020 18:38
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My dad was a member of the communist party in the 70s and has definitely become more centrist as he's got older but is still essentially a socialist as is my mam
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Dec 26, 2020 18:45
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I'd probs get straight-up disowned if my dad figured out just how much of a socialist leftie I am, considering he was part of the underground movement for our country's independence from USSR back in the day. Maybe I should tell him. 
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Dec 26, 2020 18:53
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Ewan posted:and it's only after doing so that people realised they had only stayed in touch (with a big hit to their wellbeing) out of a misguided sense of 'you have to because it's family'. One of the best revelations of adulthood is that you don't owe anyone your time. Bobby Deluxe fucked around with this message at 18:58 on Dec 26, 2020 |
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Dec 26, 2020 18:56
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My wife cut all contact with her dad a few years ago, and it was the best thing to ever happen to her or our family. He was just an incredibly bitter, toxic man, who even into her adulthood would gaslight my wife about how neglectful and abusive he had been when she was growing up. We've not spoken to him for nearly four years now, have no idea whether he's alive or dead, and frankly don't give a poo poo. Can heartily recommend.
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Dec 26, 2020 19:10
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I had a good Christmas. Just spent it at home with my wife and we made a nice meal and played some online board games with the wife's fam. Did like 5 hours of food prep on Christmas Eve including chopping up all the veg, parboiling the taters, making stuffing balls (homemade, not from a mix) ready to go into the oven and making the filling for that blue cheese & spinach chestnut en croute that somebody posted before: https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/chestnut-spinach-blue-cheese-en-croute So all I had to do on the day was roll out the (store-bought) pastry, fill it with the filling, seal it up, and bung stuff in the oven (plus like, peas and stuff on the stove). Worked really well and the food turned out great. That chestnut en croute thing is not lying when it says "serves 8" - was bloody huge. Tasty though so I'll be happy to eat it for the next 3 days. Oh also we had baked camembert for lunch which was amazing. E: It was Borrovan who posted this one. Thanks bud!
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Dec 26, 2020 19:16
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Dad was a trades unionist, but also high up in the INland Revenue during the Blair years, and he's retained a very lib attitude and definitely lost a lot of his awareness of how much people who aren't like him are suffering. We only just persuaded them to stop taking the Telegraph a year or two ago.
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Dec 26, 2020 19:17
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My dad oscillated between being very trusting, forgiving and generous and being accused of being a communist and being a pompous git. Pompous: He wrote to the local newspaper once in the 1970s about why did our town (where we lived at the time) need such a low class supermarket as a Gateway (Gateways rebranded as Somerfield around 1990). VVV Commie: I might have mentioned before, one time when I was in my 20s I turned up for Sunday lunch on the back of a large motorbike being driven by a young man who happened to be a police person. My dad spent the whole time muttering under his breath about " bourgeois imperialist overpaid bully boys in blue". Mum on the other hand was absolutely delighted. VVV For a few years he did a particular role in a public school (that is a posh paying school for US readers - completely the opposite of the meaning of 'public school' in the US) and some of the kids were known to have asked their teachers why is 'Mr Asjil such a communist'. On addressing these comments to the relevant kids his answer was "People do this job in a prison - doesn't mean they support crime, similarly people doing this job in a public school doesn't mean they support capitalism and privilege". During the 1960s, early 70s re gays: Mum: "Lock 'em up" Dad: "They need sympathy and understanding but should stay celibate" Before dad died, both parents "whatever, they're just people"
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Dec 26, 2020 19:34
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Last time I spoke to my dad was on my 18th birthday (30+ years ago), when he took me out for a meal and my first (legal) pint - in hindsight, he was celebrating not having to pay maintenance for me any more. Last time I dealt with him was to send him an email via my uncle a few years ago to tell him he was dead to me after he told my mum he didn't want any of us at my grandma's funeral because he hadn't told his kids by his second wife that I or my sister existed, and it would be uncomfortable for him. I cut off contact with said uncle, who's lived in the States since the late 70s, after he responded to my criticism of Trump last year with an out-of-nowhere 70s-style racist rant that concluded with him saying Enoch Powell was right. (I'd already cut off my cousin after she went Tea Party in a big way and decided that fat Midwestern dentists have every right to hunt endangered species because don't you know that lions and elephants are a major danger to those people over there in Africa?) Must be something on that side of the family that I hope to gently caress I haven't inherited.
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Dec 26, 2020 19:40
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happyhippy posted:Am glad my parents are on the more rational side of the spectrum. Same, both raised on council estates, both hippies back in the day, both mostly good opinion havers compared to their peers. Voted Remain, but voted Lib Dem because they didn't like 'the people that Corbyn had brought into the Labour Party'. Not that it mattered given they live in fascist hellhole constituency Morecambe 
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Dec 26, 2020 19:44
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Mum was nice but my Dad's an unbelievably self centred right-wing boomer dickhead, I kept in touch with them while my mum was ill with MS but she died a couple of years ago and I haven't spoken to him for over a year. It's a huge relief. I hadn't realised how toxic interacting with him is to my wellbeing and I am in a much better place for having cut him off. He constantly moans to my brother about how awful I'm being to him which is completely consistent with the Rejected Parents thread in GBS (worth a read). He also emailed me before Christmas basically asking what I do for a living which is same thing for 15 years now. Summary: keeping up charade relationships with dickheads is likely harmful to you and I recommend cutting the fuckers out of your life sooner rather than later.
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Dec 26, 2020 20:08
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Red Oktober posted:I wouldn't normally post just a random shop link, but clearly my targeted marketing on facebook is getting a) too close and b) high relevant for this thread. That reminds me: I just watched the Social Dilemma on Netflix. It’s very worth watching if you use (are used by) social media.
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Dec 26, 2020 20:18
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The Perfect Element posted:My wife cut all contact with her dad a few years ago, and it was the best thing to ever happen to her or our family. He was just an incredibly bitter, toxic man, who even into her adulthood would gaslight my wife about how neglectful and abusive he had been when she was growing up. Same. You do get to choose your family, and you get to choose who will gently caress off out of it and not come back. Luckily my parents were both eco-hippies and the worst you can say about my mum is that she can believe some right nonsense sometimes. Luckily she's learned to run it past me first so I can explain why 5G is safe and vaccines aren't a plot by big pharma.
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Dec 26, 2020 20:34
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I watched Spectre last night - I think this is where the idea numpties have of GPS being injected into your veins during vaccination comes from: in the film, Q injects Bond with 'smart blood' so he can follow him anywhere.
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Dec 26, 2020 20:42
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Jaeluni Asjil posted:I watched Spectre last night - I think this is where the idea numpties have of GPS being injected into your veins during vaccination comes from: in the film, Q injects Bond with 'smart blood' so he can follow him anywhere. Oh it's much older than that. It must have its origins in devils literally spying on you and flying off to report to somebody and just gotten updated as various technologies actually gave more precise names to the mechanisms of observation and reporting.
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Dec 26, 2020 21:00
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the conspiracy wingnuts were definitely claiming the government could secretly track people's movements a lot earlier than 2015
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Dec 26, 2020 21:04
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Julio Cruz posted:the conspiracy wingnuts were definitely claiming the government could secretly track people's movements a lot earlier than 2015 namesake posted:Oh it's much older than that. It must have its origins in devils literally spying on you and flying off to report to somebody and just gotten updated as various technologies actually gave more precise names to the mechanisms of observation and reporting. Yeah I know that, but I was thinking particularly of injections in blood. Anyway, think I have found the root of my mother's lax attitude to covid-19. One of the Welsh bishops is spreading a message of "do not be afraid". Mother will believe a bishop over a scientist any day of the week. 
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Dec 26, 2020 21:12
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I mean if you’re carrying a phone the government absolutely can secretly track you.
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Dec 26, 2020 21:13
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peanut- posted:I mean if you’re carrying a phone the government absolutely can secretly track you. It's not even much of a secret is it!
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Dec 26, 2020 21:16
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peanut- posted:I mean if you’re carrying a phone the government absolutely can secretly track you. It's sort of an open secret when multiple techbro companies have admitted to selling location data.
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Dec 26, 2020 21:22
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loving hell I just saw a Ryanair ad with the words "The Covid vaccine is coming, so book your Easter holiday now! You can jab and go!" We're all going to die.
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Dec 26, 2020 21:31
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 My little sister brought back some propaganda along with her rule breaking travel.
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Dec 26, 2020 21:35
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It'll all be over by Easter
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Dec 26, 2020 21:37
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Lol my mum bought a new "Who wants to be a millionaire game" for the switch for Christmas and it's a lovely cash grab being sold for £30 in shops to clueless parents. It's got no Voice acting, lifelines only work if you're playing single player, and the UK question set has several American questions and are too easy. Also the localisation is so slapdash it writes cash amounts as 1000 £ instead of £1000
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Dec 26, 2020 21:38
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MonkeyLibFront posted:
https://fullfact.org/online/pcr-test-mullis/ quote:A number of posts on Facebook have made claims about the man who invented PCR tests, Dr Kary B. Mullis, and what that means about Covid-19 testing. One such post claims: He died in August 2019 too. And those claims about Sweden are rubbish! They're really suffering now.
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Dec 26, 2020 21:44
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