Palpek posted:

If you know how to bunny hop, it's pure insanity, nobody ever tested the game against it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIhS1wk4pRg

Wormskull posted:

I like to imagine they were testing the saving functions on a PS2 memory card.

SpaceAceJase posted:

Yo is the grimes song any good?

autistic cum slut posted:

autistic cum slut posted:

tao of lmao posted:

Found a sick free car in a cave its insanely fast

Jenny Agutter posted:

i found that car too, now i can ignore 50 crime bosses trying to pawn used cars off on me

Palpek posted:

If you know how to bunny hop, it's pure insanity, nobody ever tested the game against it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIhS1wk4pRg

Bicyclops posted:

got a call a few days ago from a CDPR rep - i guess they'd been logging who actually is palying this game o the playstation 4, despite all the bugs. didn't think much of it until today. been missing a few nights of sleep here and there because the kids have been keeping me up and finally conked out after delivering some presents to relatives, and when i woke up, i was in some kind of chair.

"WHat the--?"

"Got some biz to transact, choom," said a man. he had a heavy polish accent and he was dr3essed like some neon version of the bands i used to see at the MIddle East. fishnets under cut-off shorts, doc martens, a shirt that said "NOJOE" in the stranger things font, and some kind of weird geordi deforge visor. "Market research," he said. "Shareholders are going to need soething big after this launch."

"where am i?"

"Krakow." the man held up some kind of computer chip, long, sharp looking. "we've decided to take gaming to the next level. one platform we never tried. the human mind." he shook the chip, and suddenly, it looked sharper.

I struggled, but the chair's restraints held me fast. was i hearing this guy right? was i about to get 30ccs of bethesda-buggy eurojank straight to the dome?

"wait---"

"no can do, gonk. sorry, it's crunch time. gotta move fast.n you'll like this, though. the chip creates an experience out of your subconscious, pulls it right from your memeories, using your surroundings. you ever been to krakow?"

my stomach churned like i'd just eaten a plate of syntho-fries. had i ever been to krakow? oh, sure. just once. my senior year of high school, on a class field trip to eastern europe, when my girlfriend dumped me on the way to a tour of historical auschwitz. not a situation that would be improved by pop-ins or item UI floating permanently in front of me. "please..." i said, but it was too late. the world was already fading into a collection of green lines, a kind of swimmy matrixy version of reality. "oh great," i said. "this is going to be one of those loving mechanics that has a fish eye lens."

"tell me about it," said a familiar voice. the only other person in this codefog..... johnny silverhand himself. "will these corpo shits ever learn what gamers really want? wait until you check your map. some real assassins creed bullshit."

"Are you going to be here the whole time?" i asked.

"gently caress you too, you conformist corpo shill. you think i wanna live in your thick skull? i'm keanu loving reaves. who are you, Epic Gamer Dream Guy from the Net? you really got a life i wanna ride through like some kind of kurt vonnigut timequake poo poo? here, let's get the grand tour, rear end in a top hat."

and there i am, right now in krakow. it's back in high school and it's minutes ago when they put the chip and it's right now. it's the break before we all get on the bus to the camps. some of my friends are going to jazz bar to get hammered on kamikaze shots and some kind of cocktail called a summertime. my girlfriend is holding me by the hand, about to take me to the little pizza place in the city square. johnny grins. "always like to hit the classic tracks first."

i check around me. i have all the things from my save file. the netrunner suit, the visor, the gun, the katana. my street cred is through the roof. my set of legenedary quickhacks could leave this entire city unconscious in minutes. as i feel my cyberware lock into place inside my body, i realize: this is going to be okay.

"Oh really?" says Silverhand. he's leaning against the stall in the marketplace where a vendor sold me a handmade chess set for 20 zloty, minutes before i got dumped. "what are you going to do? pull a columbine on your classmates? hack your ex girlfriend?" he chuckled. "don't think any of that stuff's going to help you there."

i ignore him. i ignore the vendor and his cursed chess set. i follow my ex to the pizza place and i listen to her start in while they make me a pizza i know that i didn't eat. it hits the table in the middle of her talking, and i choke in disgust. this is the worst pizza i've ever seen. it might have fewer pixels than it does slices. this pizza would look bad in mario 64.

johnny silverhand laughs. "Is that what you were going to change? you were going to eat the pizza this time? gently caress me. that was your idea?"

"no," i say, both to johnny silverhand and to my ex.

"what?" she says.

"i said NO. not this time. not while i have... these!" i leap up on the table, knocking glasses and silverware everywhere. a fork falls and clips through the floor, tumbling into space. i try to grab a beer glass on the table next to me but its hit box is too tiny, and instead i just accidentally knock over a bunch of napkins. "what are you doing?" my ex asks.

i jump off the table and activate my cyber legs, jumping again, straight through the ceiling. i watch my health take only a minor dent as i splinter through the wood. my ex is looking up, shocked. my classmates, from all the city, are gathering to see what the heck is going. my teacher's jaw drops open. but i'm not finished. i jump again, to a building next door, higher. i almost miss the next one, but my arms catch. they're all running, following me, in awe.

"he's... he's double-jumping!" says my friend who will drop out of film school. "that's insane. that's so broken," says the guy who will tell me the reason my ex dumped me is because i didn't call her once in awhile, ask her to be somewhere, and then not show up, just to show her who's boss. i'm going higher, more and more rooftops, krakow's largest buildings. my high school group look like insignificant ants, like the draw distance limitations of the playstation 4 is going to make them fade away any second now. "he's speedrunning the world," says the chaperone that the junior girls on the trip had a crush on. "he's.... he's...."

"breathtaking," says my ex, as a trophy with the same name unlocks. and i am. i've reached the top of the hotel, so high that people are starting to glitch and appear next to me. the pizza waitress is T-posing and sliding across the roof. the market vendor with the chess set is flying in the air. "you have to be kidding me," says johnny. who cares? gently caress him. with my double-jumping legs, i'm going to find my life's every sidequest and break it over my cyber-knee, i'm going to hit ALL the romance options. i pull out my gun and fire a few shots straight into the floating street vendor's head, and when i go to loot his floating corpse, i see that his chess set is gold, legendary. this isn't the cursed one i have on my real shelf. things have changed.

"I wouldn't" says Johnny, but I take it. and that's when my head starts to ache like i've bee n trying to read shards without turning up the font size. what is... happening.........

Johnny chuckles. "weren't you paying attention, you gonk? those corpo turds didn't even fix the bug."

gently caress. all those things i've held onto over years. my diaries from when i was fourteen years old. the webcomic i drew in college. the link amibo that looks like he's pissing out of his tunic. with this chess set in my possession, my junk collection exceeds 8 MB. "make sure somebody posts in QCS," i say, as consciosuness begins to fade. "tell them i want to keep my avatar."

Bicyclops posted:

"that's insane. that's so broken," says the guy who will tell me the reason my ex dumped me is because i didn't call her once in awhile, ask her to be somewhere, and then not show up, just to show her who's boss.

Bicyclops posted:

got a call a few days ago from a CDPR rep - i guess they'd been logging who actually is palying this game o the playstation 4, despite all the bugs. didn't think much of it until today. been missing a few nights of sleep here and there because the kids have been keeping me up and finally conked out after delivering some presents to relatives, and when i woke up, i was in some kind of chair.

"WHat the--?"

"Got some biz to transact, choom," said a man. he had a heavy polish accent and he was dr3essed like some neon version of the bands i used to see at the MIddle East. fishnets under cut-off shorts, doc martens, a shirt that said "NOJOE" in the stranger things font, and some kind of weird geordi deforge visor. "Market research," he said. "Shareholders are going to need soething big after this launch."

"where am i?"

"Krakow." the man held up some kind of computer chip, long, sharp looking. "we've decided to take gaming to the next level. one platform we never tried. the human mind." he shook the chip, and suddenly, it looked sharper.

I struggled, but the chair's restraints held me fast. was i hearing this guy right? was i about to get 30ccs of bethesda-buggy eurojank straight to the dome?

"wait---"

"no can do, gonk. sorry, it's crunch time. gotta move fast.n you'll like this, though. the chip creates an experience out of your subconscious, pulls it right from your memeories, using your surroundings. you ever been to krakow?"

my stomach churned like i'd just eaten a plate of syntho-fries. had i ever been to krakow? oh, sure. just once. my senior year of high school, on a class field trip to eastern europe, when my girlfriend dumped me on the way to a tour of historical auschwitz. not a situation that would be improved by pop-ins or item UI floating permanently in front of me. "please..." i said, but it was too late. the world was already fading into a collection of green lines, a kind of swimmy matrixy version of reality. "oh great," i said. "this is going to be one of those loving mechanics that has a fish eye lens."

"tell me about it," said a familiar voice. the only other person in this codefog..... johnny silverhand himself. "will these corpo shits ever learn what gamers really want? wait until you check your map. some real assassins creed bullshit."

"Are you going to be here the whole time?" i asked.

"gently caress you too, you conformist corpo shill. you think i wanna live in your thick skull? i'm keanu loving reaves. who are you, Epic Gamer Dream Guy from the Net? you really got a life i wanna ride through like some kind of kurt vonnigut timequake poo poo? here, let's get the grand tour, rear end in a top hat."

and there i am, right now in krakow. it's back in high school and it's minutes ago when they put the chip and it's right now. it's the break before we all get on the bus to the camps. some of my friends are going to jazz bar to get hammered on kamikaze shots and some kind of cocktail called a summertime. my girlfriend is holding me by the hand, about to take me to the little pizza place in the city square. johnny grins. "always like to hit the classic tracks first."

i check around me. i have all the things from my save file. the netrunner suit, the visor, the gun, the katana. my street cred is through the roof. my set of legenedary quickhacks could leave this entire city unconscious in minutes. as i feel my cyberware lock into place inside my body, i realize: this is going to be okay.

"Oh really?" says Silverhand. he's leaning against the stall in the marketplace where a vendor sold me a handmade chess set for 20 zloty, minutes before i got dumped. "what are you going to do? pull a columbine on your classmates? hack your ex girlfriend?" he chuckled. "don't think any of that stuff's going to help you there."

i ignore him. i ignore the vendor and his cursed chess set. i follow my ex to the pizza place and i listen to her start in while they make me a pizza i know that i didn't eat. it hits the table in the middle of her talking, and i choke in disgust. this is the worst pizza i've ever seen. it might have fewer pixels than it does slices. this pizza would look bad in mario 64.

johnny silverhand laughs. "Is that what you were going to change? you were going to eat the pizza this time? gently caress me. that was your idea?"

"no," i say, both to johnny silverhand and to my ex.

"what?" she says.

"i said NO. not this time. not while i have... these!" i leap up on the table, knocking glasses and silverware everywhere. a fork falls and clips through the floor, tumbling into space. i try to grab a beer glass on the table next to me but its hit box is too tiny, and instead i just accidentally knock over a bunch of napkins. "what are you doing?" my ex asks.

i jump off the table and activate my cyber legs, jumping again, straight through the ceiling. i watch my health take only a minor dent as i splinter through the wood. my ex is looking up, shocked. my classmates, from all the city, are gathering to see what the heck is going. my teacher's jaw drops open. but i'm not finished. i jump again, to a building next door, higher. i almost miss the next one, but my arms catch. they're all running, following me, in awe.

"he's... he's double-jumping!" says my friend who will drop out of film school. "that's insane. that's so broken," says the guy who will tell me the reason my ex dumped me is because i didn't call her once in awhile, ask her to be somewhere, and then not show up, just to show her who's boss. i'm going higher, more and more rooftops, krakow's largest buildings. my high school group look like insignificant ants, like the draw distance limitations of the playstation 4 is going to make them fade away any second now. "he's speedrunning the world," says the chaperone that the junior girls on the trip had a crush on. "he's.... he's...."

"breathtaking," says my ex, as a trophy with the same name unlocks. and i am. i've reached the top of the hotel, so high that people are starting to glitch and appear next to me. the pizza waitress is T-posing and sliding across the roof. the market vendor with the chess set is flying in the air. "you have to be kidding me," says johnny. who cares? gently caress him. with my double-jumping legs, i'm going to find my life's every sidequest and break it over my cyber-knee, i'm going to hit ALL the romance options. i pull out my gun and fire a few shots straight into the floating street vendor's head, and when i go to loot his floating corpse, i see that his chess set is gold, legendary. this isn't the cursed one i have on my real shelf. things have changed.

"I wouldn't" says Johnny, but I take it. and that's when my head starts to ache like i've bee n trying to read shards without turning up the font size. what is... happening.........

Johnny chuckles. "weren't you paying attention, you gonk? those corpo turds didn't even fix the bug."

gently caress. all those things i've held onto over years. my diaries from when i was fourteen years old. the webcomic i drew in college. the link amibo that looks like he's pissing out of his tunic. with this chess set in my possession, my junk collection exceeds 8 MB. "make sure somebody posts in QCS," i say, as consciosuness begins to fade. "tell them i want to keep my avatar."

Bicyclops posted:

was i about to get 30ccs of bethesda-buggy eurojank straight to the dome?

Bicyclops posted:

got a call a few days ago from a CDPR rep - i guess they'd been logging who actually is palying this game o the playstation 4, despite all the bugs. didn't think much of it until today. been missing a few nights of sleep here and there because the kids have been keeping me up and finally conked out after delivering some presents to relatives, and when i woke up, i was in some kind of chair.

"WHat the--?"

"Got some biz to transact, choom," said a man. he had a heavy polish accent and he was dr3essed like some neon version of the bands i used to see at the MIddle East. fishnets under cut-off shorts, doc martens, a shirt that said "NOJOE" in the stranger things font, and some kind of weird geordi deforge visor. "Market research," he said. "Shareholders are going to need soething big after this launch."

"where am i?"

"Krakow." the man held up some kind of computer chip, long, sharp looking. "we've decided to take gaming to the next level. one platform we never tried. the human mind." he shook the chip, and suddenly, it looked sharper.

I struggled, but the chair's restraints held me fast. was i hearing this guy right? was i about to get 30ccs of bethesda-buggy eurojank straight to the dome?

"wait---"

"no can do, gonk. sorry, it's crunch time. gotta move fast.n you'll like this, though. the chip creates an experience out of your subconscious, pulls it right from your memeories, using your surroundings. you ever been to krakow?"

my stomach churned like i'd just eaten a plate of syntho-fries. had i ever been to krakow? oh, sure. just once. my senior year of high school, on a class field trip to eastern europe, when my girlfriend dumped me on the way to a tour of historical auschwitz. not a situation that would be improved by pop-ins or item UI floating permanently in front of me. "please..." i said, but it was too late. the world was already fading into a collection of green lines, a kind of swimmy matrixy version of reality. "oh great," i said. "this is going to be one of those loving mechanics that has a fish eye lens."

"tell me about it," said a familiar voice. the only other person in this codefog..... johnny silverhand himself. "will these corpo shits ever learn what gamers really want? wait until you check your map. some real assassins creed bullshit."

"Are you going to be here the whole time?" i asked.

"gently caress you too, you conformist corpo shill. you think i wanna live in your thick skull? i'm keanu loving reaves. who are you, Epic Gamer Dream Guy from the Net? you really got a life i wanna ride through like some kind of kurt vonnigut timequake poo poo? here, let's get the grand tour, rear end in a top hat."

and there i am, right now in krakow. it's back in high school and it's minutes ago when they put the chip and it's right now. it's the break before we all get on the bus to the camps. some of my friends are going to jazz bar to get hammered on kamikaze shots and some kind of cocktail called a summertime. my girlfriend is holding me by the hand, about to take me to the little pizza place in the city square. johnny grins. "always like to hit the classic tracks first."

i check around me. i have all the things from my save file. the netrunner suit, the visor, the gun, the katana. my street cred is through the roof. my set of legenedary quickhacks could leave this entire city unconscious in minutes. as i feel my cyberware lock into place inside my body, i realize: this is going to be okay.

"Oh really?" says Silverhand. he's leaning against the stall in the marketplace where a vendor sold me a handmade chess set for 20 zloty, minutes before i got dumped. "what are you going to do? pull a columbine on your classmates? hack your ex girlfriend?" he chuckled. "don't think any of that stuff's going to help you there."

i ignore him. i ignore the vendor and his cursed chess set. i follow my ex to the pizza place and i listen to her start in while they make me a pizza i know that i didn't eat. it hits the table in the middle of her talking, and i choke in disgust. this is the worst pizza i've ever seen. it might have fewer pixels than it does slices. this pizza would look bad in mario 64.

johnny silverhand laughs. "Is that what you were going to change? you were going to eat the pizza this time? gently caress me. that was your idea?"

"no," i say, both to johnny silverhand and to my ex.

"what?" she says.

"i said NO. not this time. not while i have... these!" i leap up on the table, knocking glasses and silverware everywhere. a fork falls and clips through the floor, tumbling into space. i try to grab a beer glass on the table next to me but its hit box is too tiny, and instead i just accidentally knock over a bunch of napkins. "what are you doing?" my ex asks.

i jump off the table and activate my cyber legs, jumping again, straight through the ceiling. i watch my health take only a minor dent as i splinter through the wood. my ex is looking up, shocked. my classmates, from all the city, are gathering to see what the heck is going. my teacher's jaw drops open. but i'm not finished. i jump again, to a building next door, higher. i almost miss the next one, but my arms catch. they're all running, following me, in awe.

"he's... he's double-jumping!" says my friend who will drop out of film school. "that's insane. that's so broken," says the guy who will tell me the reason my ex dumped me is because i didn't call her once in awhile, ask her to be somewhere, and then not show up, just to show her who's boss. i'm going higher, more and more rooftops, krakow's largest buildings. my high school group look like insignificant ants, like the draw distance limitations of the playstation 4 is going to make them fade away any second now. "he's speedrunning the world," says the chaperone that the junior girls on the trip had a crush on. "he's.... he's...."

"breathtaking," says my ex, as a trophy with the same name unlocks. and i am. i've reached the top of the hotel, so high that people are starting to glitch and appear next to me. the pizza waitress is T-posing and sliding across the roof. the market vendor with the chess set is flying in the air. "you have to be kidding me," says johnny. who cares? gently caress him. with my double-jumping legs, i'm going to find my life's every sidequest and break it over my cyber-knee, i'm going to hit ALL the romance options. i pull out my gun and fire a few shots straight into the floating street vendor's head, and when i go to loot his floating corpse, i see that his chess set is gold, legendary. this isn't the cursed one i have on my real shelf. things have changed.

"I wouldn't" says Johnny, but I take it. and that's when my head starts to ache like i've bee n trying to read shards without turning up the font size. what is... happening.........

Johnny chuckles. "weren't you paying attention, you gonk? those corpo turds didn't even fix the bug."

gently caress. all those things i've held onto over years. my diaries from when i was fourteen years old. the webcomic i drew in college. the link amibo that looks like he's pissing out of his tunic. with this chess set in my possession, my junk collection exceeds 8 MB. "make sure somebody posts in QCS," i say, as consciosuness begins to fade. "tell them i want to keep my avatar."

Bicyclops posted:

got a call a few days ago from a CDPR rep - i guess they'd been logging who actually is palying this game o the playstation 4, despite all the bugs. didn't think much of it until today. been missing a few nights of sleep here and there because the kids have been keeping me up and finally conked out after delivering some presents to relatives, and when i woke up, i was in some kind of chair.

"WHat the--?"

"Got some biz to transact, choom," said a man. he had a heavy polish accent and he was dr3essed like some neon version of the bands i used to see at the MIddle East. fishnets under cut-off shorts, doc martens, a shirt that said "NOJOE" in the stranger things font, and some kind of weird geordi deforge visor. "Market research," he said. "Shareholders are going to need soething big after this launch."

"where am i?"

"Krakow." the man held up some kind of computer chip, long, sharp looking. "we've decided to take gaming to the next level. one platform we never tried. the human mind." he shook the chip, and suddenly, it looked sharper.

I struggled, but the chair's restraints held me fast. was i hearing this guy right? was i about to get 30ccs of bethesda-buggy eurojank straight to the dome?

"wait---"

"no can do, gonk. sorry, it's crunch time. gotta move fast.n you'll like this, though. the chip creates an experience out of your subconscious, pulls it right from your memeories, using your surroundings. you ever been to krakow?"

my stomach churned like i'd just eaten a plate of syntho-fries. had i ever been to krakow? oh, sure. just once. my senior year of high school, on a class field trip to eastern europe, when my girlfriend dumped me on the way to a tour of historical auschwitz. not a situation that would be improved by pop-ins or item UI floating permanently in front of me. "please..." i said, but it was too late. the world was already fading into a collection of green lines, a kind of swimmy matrixy version of reality. "oh great," i said. "this is going to be one of those loving mechanics that has a fish eye lens."

"tell me about it," said a familiar voice. the only other person in this codefog..... johnny silverhand himself. "will these corpo shits ever learn what gamers really want? wait until you check your map. some real assassins creed bullshit."

"Are you going to be here the whole time?" i asked.

"gently caress you too, you conformist corpo shill. you think i wanna live in your thick skull? i'm keanu loving reaves. who are you, Epic Gamer Dream Guy from the Net? you really got a life i wanna ride through like some kind of kurt vonnigut timequake poo poo? here, let's get the grand tour, rear end in a top hat."

and there i am, right now in krakow. it's back in high school and it's minutes ago when they put the chip and it's right now. it's the break before we all get on the bus to the camps. some of my friends are going to jazz bar to get hammered on kamikaze shots and some kind of cocktail called a summertime. my girlfriend is holding me by the hand, about to take me to the little pizza place in the city square. johnny grins. "always like to hit the classic tracks first."

i check around me. i have all the things from my save file. the netrunner suit, the visor, the gun, the katana. my street cred is through the roof. my set of legenedary quickhacks could leave this entire city unconscious in minutes. as i feel my cyberware lock into place inside my body, i realize: this is going to be okay.

"Oh really?" says Silverhand. he's leaning against the stall in the marketplace where a vendor sold me a handmade chess set for 20 zloty, minutes before i got dumped. "what are you going to do? pull a columbine on your classmates? hack your ex girlfriend?" he chuckled. "don't think any of that stuff's going to help you there."

i ignore him. i ignore the vendor and his cursed chess set. i follow my ex to the pizza place and i listen to her start in while they make me a pizza i know that i didn't eat. it hits the table in the middle of her talking, and i choke in disgust. this is the worst pizza i've ever seen. it might have fewer pixels than it does slices. this pizza would look bad in mario 64.

johnny silverhand laughs. "Is that what you were going to change? you were going to eat the pizza this time? gently caress me. that was your idea?"

"no," i say, both to johnny silverhand and to my ex.

"what?" she says.

"i said NO. not this time. not while i have... these!" i leap up on the table, knocking glasses and silverware everywhere. a fork falls and clips through the floor, tumbling into space. i try to grab a beer glass on the table next to me but its hit box is too tiny, and instead i just accidentally knock over a bunch of napkins. "what are you doing?" my ex asks.

i jump off the table and activate my cyber legs, jumping again, straight through the ceiling. i watch my health take only a minor dent as i splinter through the wood. my ex is looking up, shocked. my classmates, from all the city, are gathering to see what the heck is going. my teacher's jaw drops open. but i'm not finished. i jump again, to a building next door, higher. i almost miss the next one, but my arms catch. they're all running, following me, in awe.

"he's... he's double-jumping!" says my friend who will drop out of film school. "that's insane. that's so broken," says the guy who will tell me the reason my ex dumped me is because i didn't call her once in awhile, ask her to be somewhere, and then not show up, just to show her who's boss. i'm going higher, more and more rooftops, krakow's largest buildings. my high school group look like insignificant ants, like the draw distance limitations of the playstation 4 is going to make them fade away any second now. "he's speedrunning the world," says the chaperone that the junior girls on the trip had a crush on. "he's.... he's...."

"breathtaking," says my ex, as a trophy with the same name unlocks. and i am. i've reached the top of the hotel, so high that people are starting to glitch and appear next to me. the pizza waitress is T-posing and sliding across the roof. the market vendor with the chess set is flying in the air. "you have to be kidding me," says johnny. who cares? gently caress him. with my double-jumping legs, i'm going to find my life's every sidequest and break it over my cyber-knee, i'm going to hit ALL the romance options. i pull out my gun and fire a few shots straight into the floating street vendor's head, and when i go to loot his floating corpse, i see that his chess set is gold, legendary. this isn't the cursed one i have on my real shelf. things have changed.

"I wouldn't" says Johnny, but I take it. and that's when my head starts to ache like i've bee n trying to read shards without turning up the font size. what is... happening.........

Johnny chuckles. "weren't you paying attention, you gonk? those corpo turds didn't even fix the bug."

gently caress. all those things i've held onto over years. my diaries from when i was fourteen years old. the webcomic i drew in college. the link amibo that looks like he's pissing out of his tunic. with this chess set in my possession, my junk collection exceeds 8 MB. "make sure somebody posts in QCS," i say, as consciosuness begins to fade. "tell them i want to keep my avatar."

Knuc U Kinte posted:

Spent way too much time in photo mode making my guy pose next to Panam’s rear end before talking to her

Daikatana Ritsu posted:

Daikatana Ritsu posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhUgsPn3hyI

Bicyclops posted:

got a call a few days ago from a CDPR rep - i guess they'd been logging who actually is palying this game o the playstation 4, despite all the bugs. didn't think much of it until today. been missing a few nights of sleep here and there because the kids have been keeping me up and finally conked out after delivering some presents to relatives, and when i woke up, i was in some kind of chair.

"WHat the--?"

"Got some biz to transact, choom," said a man. he had a heavy polish accent and he was dr3essed like some neon version of the bands i used to see at the MIddle East. fishnets under cut-off shorts, doc martens, a shirt that said "NOJOE" in the stranger things font, and some kind of weird geordi deforge visor. "Market research," he said. "Shareholders are going to need soething big after this launch."

"where am i?"

"Krakow." the man held up some kind of computer chip, long, sharp looking. "we've decided to take gaming to the next level. one platform we never tried. the human mind." he shook the chip, and suddenly, it looked sharper.

I struggled, but the chair's restraints held me fast. was i hearing this guy right? was i about to get 30ccs of bethesda-buggy eurojank straight to the dome?

"wait---"

"no can do, gonk. sorry, it's crunch time. gotta move fast.n you'll like this, though. the chip creates an experience out of your subconscious, pulls it right from your memeories, using your surroundings. you ever been to krakow?"

my stomach churned like i'd just eaten a plate of syntho-fries. had i ever been to krakow? oh, sure. just once. my senior year of high school, on a class field trip to eastern europe, when my girlfriend dumped me on the way to a tour of historical auschwitz. not a situation that would be improved by pop-ins or item UI floating permanently in front of me. "please..." i said, but it was too late. the world was already fading into a collection of green lines, a kind of swimmy matrixy version of reality. "oh great," i said. "this is going to be one of those loving mechanics that has a fish eye lens."

"tell me about it," said a familiar voice. the only other person in this codefog..... johnny silverhand himself. "will these corpo shits ever learn what gamers really want? wait until you check your map. some real assassins creed bullshit."

"Are you going to be here the whole time?" i asked.

"gently caress you too, you conformist corpo shill. you think i wanna live in your thick skull? i'm keanu loving reaves. who are you, Epic Gamer Dream Guy from the Net? you really got a life i wanna ride through like some kind of kurt vonnigut timequake poo poo? here, let's get the grand tour, rear end in a top hat."

and there i am, right now in krakow. it's back in high school and it's minutes ago when they put the chip and it's right now. it's the break before we all get on the bus to the camps. some of my friends are going to jazz bar to get hammered on kamikaze shots and some kind of cocktail called a summertime. my girlfriend is holding me by the hand, about to take me to the little pizza place in the city square. johnny grins. "always like to hit the classic tracks first."

i check around me. i have all the things from my save file. the netrunner suit, the visor, the gun, the katana. my street cred is through the roof. my set of legenedary quickhacks could leave this entire city unconscious in minutes. as i feel my cyberware lock into place inside my body, i realize: this is going to be okay.

"Oh really?" says Silverhand. he's leaning against the stall in the marketplace where a vendor sold me a handmade chess set for 20 zloty, minutes before i got dumped. "what are you going to do? pull a columbine on your classmates? hack your ex girlfriend?" he chuckled. "don't think any of that stuff's going to help you there."

i ignore him. i ignore the vendor and his cursed chess set. i follow my ex to the pizza place and i listen to her start in while they make me a pizza i know that i didn't eat. it hits the table in the middle of her talking, and i choke in disgust. this is the worst pizza i've ever seen. it might have fewer pixels than it does slices. this pizza would look bad in mario 64.

johnny silverhand laughs. "Is that what you were going to change? you were going to eat the pizza this time? gently caress me. that was your idea?"

"no," i say, both to johnny silverhand and to my ex.

"what?" she says.

"i said NO. not this time. not while i have... these!" i leap up on the table, knocking glasses and silverware everywhere. a fork falls and clips through the floor, tumbling into space. i try to grab a beer glass on the table next to me but its hit box is too tiny, and instead i just accidentally knock over a bunch of napkins. "what are you doing?" my ex asks.

i jump off the table and activate my cyber legs, jumping again, straight through the ceiling. i watch my health take only a minor dent as i splinter through the wood. my ex is looking up, shocked. my classmates, from all the city, are gathering to see what the heck is going. my teacher's jaw drops open. but i'm not finished. i jump again, to a building next door, higher. i almost miss the next one, but my arms catch. they're all running, following me, in awe.

"he's... he's double-jumping!" says my friend who will drop out of film school. "that's insane. that's so broken," says the guy who will tell me the reason my ex dumped me is because i didn't call her once in awhile, ask her to be somewhere, and then not show up, just to show her who's boss. i'm going higher, more and more rooftops, krakow's largest buildings. my high school group look like insignificant ants, like the draw distance limitations of the playstation 4 is going to make them fade away any second now. "he's speedrunning the world," says the chaperone that the junior girls on the trip had a crush on. "he's.... he's...."

"breathtaking," says my ex, as a trophy with the same name unlocks. and i am. i've reached the top of the hotel, so high that people are starting to glitch and appear next to me. the pizza waitress is T-posing and sliding across the roof. the market vendor with the chess set is flying in the air. "you have to be kidding me," says johnny. who cares? gently caress him. with my double-jumping legs, i'm going to find my life's every sidequest and break it over my cyber-knee, i'm going to hit ALL the romance options. i pull out my gun and fire a few shots straight into the floating street vendor's head, and when i go to loot his floating corpse, i see that his chess set is gold, legendary. this isn't the cursed one i have on my real shelf. things have changed.

"I wouldn't" says Johnny, but I take it. and that's when my head starts to ache like i've bee n trying to read shards without turning up the font size. what is... happening.........

Johnny chuckles. "weren't you paying attention, you gonk? those corpo turds didn't even fix the bug."

gently caress. all those things i've held onto over years. my diaries from when i was fourteen years old. the webcomic i drew in college. the link amibo that looks like he's pissing out of his tunic. with this chess set in my possession, my junk collection exceeds 8 MB. "make sure somebody posts in QCS," i say, as consciosuness begins to fade. "tell them i want to keep my avatar."

Bicyclops posted:

I'm finally ngoing to meet the woman all those guards in the Witcher were singing about

Bicyclops posted:

probably will get through enough side missions to do the Panam quest tomorrow. can't believe I'm finally ngoing to meet the woman all those guards in the Witcher were singing about

Knuc U Kinte posted:

Knuc U Kinte posted: