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We plan which vacation we're gonna take when "spending two weeks at grandma and granddad's" is a viable thing. Ireland is the current leader.
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Jan 3, 2021 01:02
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Walton Simons posted:Hi guys, we're having our first in March what's u--- General reminder: people vent online rather than get excited and celebrate the cool and fun and amazing (er, mundane) things our kids do. Parenting is tough and unrelenting, but for real it has brought a new round of joy, meaning, and a whole bunch of new firsts to my life. I’d love to sleep past 5:30am, but not if it meant giving this up.
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Jan 3, 2021 01:15
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That is actually comforting to hear, both the parenting threads I lurk in seem to be having an especially bad time right now with lockdown round n and I was getting into another 'what the gently caress am I doing?' spiral.
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Jan 3, 2021 01:36
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Walton Simons posted:That is actually comforting to hear, both the parenting threads I lurk in seem to be having an especially bad time right now with lockdown round n and I was getting into another 'what the gently caress am I doing?' spiral. It's the toughest most miserable thing I've ever done, but I wouldn't change a thing. edit: lol that's a lie I'd change a million things... but I wouldn't un-have kids. BonoMan fucked around with this message at 02:07 on Jan 3, 2021 |
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Jan 3, 2021 01:44
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On a positive note, to change the tone slightly, kid is turning 2 months old soon, she usually is out around 11, wakes to eat and 3 and 6, and then passes out immediately, I get up for work from home office time around 8, put the baby in what I call the sarcophagus* to safely cosleep with mom, then sleeps with mom until about 10am * I call it the sarcophagus because the baby sleeps in it with her arms crossed over her chest like an Egyptian mummy and she's a tight fit in it Baby finally figured out how to fart and burp effectively which has reduced extended screaming down to the 2 minutes immediately before she has her semi daily blowout poo poo, otherwise is pretty happy and quiet and more than happy to sleep whenever, I think she inherited that from both mom and dad Baby also sleeps like a rock in the car, overall it's been a pretty chill experience once we crossed the 6 week mark and figured out what the hell we were doing as first time parents
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Jan 3, 2021 01:54
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It's the toughest most miserable thing I've ever done, but I'm going to reserve judgement on whether it was worth it until at least high school graduation in 17 years. I envy the people who already find it worthwhile and fulfilling this early in the game.
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Jan 3, 2021 02:09
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Walton Simons posted:That is actually comforting to hear, both the parenting threads I lurk in seem to be having an especially bad time right now with lockdown round n and I was getting into another 'what the gently caress am I doing?' spiral. My two year old is seriously one of the only things getting me through covid tbh. She's a lot of work but the sense of purpose is...good? Idk, hard to describe This thread serves a purpose for a lot of people to vent frustrations and I...well, I think it's important for people having a hard time to have a place to speak openly, but I also don't think by any stretch of the imagination these are the secret thoughts of all parents. Congrats on your kid incoming!!
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Jan 3, 2021 02:16
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Thanks! Yes, absolutely vent all over this thread, I fully expect to be back doing the same at 3AM in a few months.
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Jan 3, 2021 02:24
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For us raising a newborn has been one of the only things that has made Covid bearable, despite Covid making raising a newborn almost unbearable.
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Jan 3, 2021 02:28
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Here are some nice things about my two year old: 1. She gets simple games but is absolute crap at them. Hide and seek is my favorite because she will just go to the last place I hid and do what I did. It's fun. 2. You get to watch them learn something new every day. 3. Language acquisition! She's becoming conversant and asking interesting questions. 4. She yells no like Michael Scott, which makes me laugh. 5. She is easily bribed into trying new foods by offering to clap if she does. 6. She has the cutest laugh. 7. She is very cuddly when she wants to be. 8. Her short attention span means I don't get bored either. 9. She thinks I am the absolute coolest. 10. Shes mine. I get to be her dad.
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Jan 3, 2021 02:32
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Our two and a bit year old is currently fighting going to sleep. But she is reading to me. According to her Gossie is a gosling who wears red boots everyday and that is what every page says. Now if she would just go to sleep and not take over an hour. She just started doing this in the last two weeks. I'm assuming having daycare closed for several days has messed her schedule up.
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Jan 3, 2021 02:52
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Tonton Macoute posted:Thank you. I am sure you mean well and I appreciate that. We are overdue for that sort of thing, but the way 2020 has been going, it's complicated right now. Proverbially speaking, I'd rather have the shore in sight before starting to rock the boat. Yeah sorry if I was short - it was right before going to bed. But as others have said, alone time / introvert time is super important for your and your partner's mental health. You should figure out an equitable system with your partner to get that.
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Jan 3, 2021 02:56
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yeah there are just ups and downs with kids but they are a ton of fun and adorable when they want to be My 20mo old starts yelling for me when they wake up to tell me they love me. I love you too kid but maybe knock it off with the screaming
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Jan 3, 2021 03:35
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I ended up getting the three-in-one potty, and she was SO EXCITED. She had a great time sitting on it and pretending to pee. She was trying to actually pee, but no success tonight. She definitely understands the concept, so that’s neat. I also got a seat for our toilet, but it doesn’t fit either of our toilets! Too small for one and too big for the other. Re: parenting being hard. Oof. Yeah. My husband and I are both essential workers, I’m an ICU nurse dealing with COVID on the daily, and I can say with 100% certainty that being a parent is what’s keeping me sane right now. I literally cannot imagine life without my daughter, even during the most trying times. It’s not a super great time to be pregnant with #2, but I’m very much looking forward to maternity leave. Having kids and watching them grow and learn is so rewarding. Every day is something new, and their moments of sweetness and pureness easily cancel out their moments of terror.
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Jan 3, 2021 04:11
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Hippie Hedgehog posted:I know several families who did this once a week each, for the entire upbringing. "Tuesdays are mommy's evening off", sort of thing. I think you may be overestimating the amount of work of watching both once the little one grows into toddlerhood. Possibly—but I also parent by myself two days a week. By the time my wife is finished with work those days, I’m either going to a job myself (self-employed) or needing to start cooking dinner before she’s done. She puts him down 4 nights a week and I have Friday through Sunday...otherwise if he’s not at daycare I’m handling all three meals, naptime, discipline, reading random books he asks for, etc. I love to play with him but my mind sometimes needs some stimulation. At the end of the day if there’s a choice between sex and getting some time to myself I will take the latter a lot of the time. She will recognize my needs and basically force me out of the house to go do something, but in Covid all this means is me getting takeout and eating it in my car or going to another room to watch TV. I will do the same but my reluctance to let go is on me, I sometimes feel as if I don’t deserve the time Tamarillo posted:Yup. We're going to try for a second this year and while I know I want two children, I am legitimately dreading going through the newborn and <1y/o stage again. I love where we're at with our son now that he's 2, but that first year tested my mental health and our marriage like nothing ever has previously. I just hope that forewarned is forearmed and we are better equipped to manage a second time, and that at least this time I won't be studying full time during that first year. Our son is absolutely a little ball of joy when he wants to be, at 2 he was still pretty chill and easy. But then he hit 2.5 and it’s like a switch flipped and he went into full toddler mode. Now a day or nary even an hour can pass without him...being a normal toddler. Demanding a snack, choosing one, then once I’ve opened it he take the other choice I give him, then gets mad because he can’t have it now because I’ve opened the one he wanted first. Absolutely refusing to listen even in the face of having toys taken away as a last resort. Tonight we asked him twenty times to clean his toys up in the living room and he said, “NO!” and went to play, or ran from us, or ignored us completely. We took away a total six toys tonight and it didn’t seem to faze him, though he made a big show of caring about it before it was taken away. Then once we did he’d move on to another one and we’d try again and have to take that one away. We are running out of places to put toys that are out of his reach and visible to him at the same time, and he can climb drawers and cabinets to get to poo poo. What finally worked was he kept asking for a toy or for help finding one or whatever and my wife said, “Nope. You didn’t want to help Momma earlier by doing what she asked, so now Momma doesn’t want to help you find your toy.” He started cleaning up after this. What I’m saying is: wait for it. Our kid is so sweet when he wants to be but he’s so busy and active it’s hard to keep up. And when it’s a battle of wills, we make sure we win but it’s a Pyrrhic victory to be sure. This kid could get waterboarded by the CIA for hours and the first thing he’d say when the towel is removed from his face is, “NO!” It’s like he’s always daring us to follow through on our threats, and we always catch him smiling at us as if he doesn’t take us seriously, even though we follow through EVERY TIME. So yeah they can be sweet but also a living nightmare and they goddamn well know it
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Jan 3, 2021 04:29
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My 4yo wakes up, goes potty and changes into underwear, and make her bowl of cereal all by herself. She's very proud of herself. Also we built a climbing wall in the playroom today and she managed to reach the ceiling after about half an hour of attempts. Big moment!
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Jan 3, 2021 04:55
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Re: parenting being tough. Yes, but it's filled with SO much more joy than I anticipated/feared. I was so scared that it would be so hard I would regret it and I wouldn't bond with my child, etc. I fully acknowledge that I got an easy baby (he's 12 months) and probably the toddler years are going to be a nightmare. But in general, I've been much happier as a parent, and gratified by parenting, than I worried I would be.
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Jan 3, 2021 11:58
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davebo posted:It's the toughest most miserable thing I've ever done, but I'm going to reserve judgement on whether it was worth it until at least high school graduation in 17 years. I envy the people who already find it worthwhile and fulfilling this early in the game. This is the boat I'm in with our two (five and two). I mean, it's fine, and sometimes fun, but is it worth it? I don't know.
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Jan 3, 2021 14:03
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Someone said becoming a parent is like winning the lottery and amputating a limb on the same day.
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Jan 3, 2021 16:03
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My kids is 2 years and 2 months-completely onboard with being an rear end in a top hat whenever he feels like it. Listens to me 1% of the time if I’m lucky, and generally frustrates the gently caress out of me until he does something sweet like gives me a hug/kiss or laughs about something. I made bagels from scratch this morning so the day started out well. Then he wanted to go in the pantry before breakfast and pointed to a food pouch. I said no. World war 3 started. It’s raining all day here and we’re out of activities. Day was immediately loving ruined. That was 3 hours ago and I’m still waiting for a fleeting moment of kindness from the boy. Mom got to take a nap because she didn’t sleep last night, so I got to deal with him until she finally rolled out of bed. I’m also trying to skip alcohol for January and that’s just going loving perfect so far. Also one of our cats had to be put down after a $3k bill New Year’s Eve. It’s a great adventure I’m on. Another boy due in May and I’m just imagining my already-short amount of free time disappearing into loving nothing. I look forward to when I am no longer teleworking. I currently get up at the rear end crack of dawn to run or bike and eat some breakfast before the rest of the house wakes up. I notice a sharp decline in my mood if I don’t do that.
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Jan 3, 2021 16:36
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hooah posted:This is the boat I'm in with our two (five and two). I mean, it's fine, and sometimes fun, but is it worth it? I don't know. Seeing my last post quoted made it seem like more of a downer than I actually feel. I'm just a disaffected GenXer who doesn't really experience highs or lows like I feel most people do. I'm pretty consistent at making good decisions in life and have no doubt that having one kid was the right move to make and my wife is over the moon in love with him. It's easy to look back on any given weekday and say oh yeah I changed a bunch of lovely diapers and read all the same baby books as the day before so wouldn't I have rather been doing something else? Sure, but all of that pales in comparison to me sitting around every day in my 70's wondering what it would have been like if I had ever raised a kid. As is always the case, time will prove me right!
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Jan 3, 2021 18:51
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nwin posted:I currently get up at the rear end crack of dawn to run or bike and eat some breakfast before the rest of the house wakes up. I notice a sharp decline in my mood if I don’t do that. This, so much this. If I go more than about 48 hours without SOME kind of exercise I am just a grouchy lump of misery until I go exercise again. It doesn't help that roni has cancelled 3 of the 4 things I did for exercise in the before times.
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Jan 3, 2021 19:16
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Debated posting this as I don't want to come across all  but I think this might be a good thing to hear for some of you. Self-evident most of what I'm about to say may be, but in the mire of sleep-deprivation and stress it can lose that quality. So listen guys.It gets better. And easier. Don't get me wrong - parenthood is always hard work, and you will always have a supreme responsibility, with joys sometimes balanced by dark, anxious thoughts. And of course kids get more complicated to deal with as their personalities and minds also become more thus. But (and obviously careful parenting with love but also consistent boundaries etc helps) they become more independent, more reasonable, more rational and in control of their emotions. If you have two, without a massive age gap, they will play together, giving you precious time alone. At the same time the joy doesn't lessen - it keeps on being a fascinating, awesome (in both the true and vernacular senses of the word) trip; in some ways the joys became greater as you can engage with them on increasingly complex levels, until suddenly you're playing chess with them, showing them your favourite non-Disney films or shooting the poo poo about life's big questions. The first year is a total slog - hardly any sleep and hardly anything in return from them for your back-breaking labour. Then come the smiles, the first words, the first this or that, and your heart melts, but basically they're still selfish, mercurial little dictators, who can now also articulate their various unreasonable decrees. Then they start to hit 5,6,7 and it just gets better and better. They are maturing emotionally. School brings added discipline, focus and socialisation; an increase in empathetic skills. You're still a servant, but now you're a servant with a good union and greater job satisfaction. You are able to spend more quality time with your partner, and as long as you are both considerate to each other and fairly divide labours, the strain on your relationship should ease. Mine are now 6.5 and 9 years old. They younger one is going through a bit of annoying phase of whinging a lot, but he is at least now a properly cogniscent human being who can either be reasoned with or failing that who can respond to boundaries and discipline when it's necessary. The older one is a full-on delight, to be honest, now she has learned to properly control her emotions and ego. Her sense of humour constantly delights me, and I can't wait until she's a few years older and we can watch certain comedy shows together. Her take on the world fascinates me endlessly and she is probably my all-time favourite interlocuter. Sometimes my wife and I get a bit broody, but ultimately neither of us wants to go back to those testing early days. At the same time, if we jumped back 10 years we'd do it all again in a heartbeat, to have the two wonderful, cosntantly developing little human beings who share our house with us. All kids are different, of course, but generally speaking: It gets easier. And more fun. Get through these trying times with mutual love and support. They are just the start. You have the rest of your life to enjoy your kids, and you will. There is so much more to come, to look forward to. Hang in there - you are doing a great job.
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Jan 3, 2021 19:43
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Thank you for that post.
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Jan 3, 2021 19:58
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I played chess with my 4yo yesterday and I was surprised how quickly she picked up on the rules. Not that she understood what to do or anything but she seemed to enjoy the drama of moving around and capturing pieces.
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Jan 3, 2021 20:05
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I'm in a few parenting groups and threads and they are all very real life in that no one hides their struggles with parenting-- this one is by far the most negative one in tone. I'm not saying that to judge but just that if you are reading this because you have a little one on the way just know it probably makes parenting seem much more negative than it is in real life.
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Jan 3, 2021 20:10
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sheri posted:I'm in a few parenting groups and threads and they are all very real life in that no one hides their struggles with parenting-- this one is by far the most negative one in tone. It's like how when you want to research some piece of electronics or something you want to buy, and you go on forums and it's nothing but people complaining about how theirs broke. It's because the people experiencing problems are the most likely to consult internet forums. I will say that one good thing to come of Lowtax's whole... poo poo, is that the exodus of goons to other chat mediums really bolstered the local goon slack I was already in, and thereby added to the number of parent goons in the parenting channel. When you get local goons that pre-pandemic would actually hang out in person, then it's a closer group and you can share photos of your kids and there's way more positivity. Photos of kids are best, even if you get a really good one of them throwing a tantrum. I get why we definitely shouldn't be sharing them here, but beyond just relatives who will fawn over every photo regardless, find some friends you can share kid photos with just for amusing reactions. Edit: friends who also have kids. Do not bother your bachelor friends with a ton of kid photos they don't need that poo poo.
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Jan 3, 2021 20:30
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I don’t think it gets easier, you just get better at dealing with the current situation. I’ve been doing nappies for 8 years across 4 kids, and I’m getting good at it. However my 8 year old is talking about boys, and that’s just something I’m not ready for. She’s also talking about phones and iPads, which she’s not getting until she’s much, much older. There’s also a high chance she goes through puberty this year too, again something that I’m not ready for. But when my other kids do things that I’ve already got experience of, riding bikes, learning to read, potty training - I know how to deal with that. But my trailblazing 8 year old, terrifies me. ^^ also, ignore any shite you see on Facebook or Instagram about people loving their angel children, it’s all bollocks.
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Jan 3, 2021 20:31
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sheri posted:I'm in a few parenting groups and threads and they are all very real life in that no one hides their struggles with parenting-- this one is by far the most negative one in tone. Hey, parenting is super loving hard even with a perfect child, a perfect mental state, a perfect marriage, and perfect outside circumstances. Clearly none of us are in the best situation because *gestures around at the world* so maybe it's not great to dismiss other people's experiences and feelings just because they seem overly negative.
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Jan 3, 2021 21:14
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Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking forward to the aforementioned first year slog if we have another one, and I had some particular circumstances that made it challenging, but beyond that I love being a parent. I don't even mind the strongly voiced contrary opinions from my 2yo because it's just so cool that hes turning into a thinking, feeling, opinionated little human - I love seeing how his brain is developing. These days I find the experience 90% awesome, 9% trying to wash his sticky/dirty hands before he wipes them on the couch and 1% terrorist negotiations. Probably worth mentioning the caveat that I live in an area where COVID has very little impact on our day to day lives at present so he still gets to go outside & go to daycare & we get to leave the house ourselves for work. Tamarillo fucked around with this message at 21:30 on Jan 3, 2021 |
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Jan 3, 2021 21:28
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Having 2 relatively easy kids and then #3 being a bit of a terror where nothing is ever easy is such a shock, and it leads to a lot of “but I thought we were done with this!” type frustrations. So, so exhausting too. If I had known I would have started having kids 10 years earlier. But when she and her sister are entertaining themselves by playing whatever it’s all worth it. Going to move the two girls into a room together probably in the spring and the oldest boy gets his own room. Hopefully have a bigger place by the time they’re in their teens!
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Jan 3, 2021 21:34
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Today is cake baking day. My 3 year old just ran to the bathroom with two buttery hands in the air. "I nee do wah my ands!" They can be taught, eventually! Edit: I think the tone is self-reenforcing. I don't want to complain in a brag thread, and I don't want to brag in a complaint thread. Sorry you're struggling, my kids put their toys away without being asked today! PerniciousKnid fucked around with this message at 21:42 on Jan 3, 2021 |
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Jan 3, 2021 21:40
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Blinkz0rz posted:Hey, parenting is super loving hard even with a perfect child, a perfect mental state, a perfect marriage, and perfect outside circumstances. Why so hostile? They weren't being dismissive at all. I know that I come here to vent more often than posting positive stuff because it's usually the more personal stuff that I send to family/friends. Also people asking for advice naturally are having some sort of negative issue.
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Jan 3, 2021 21:43
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Oodles posted:I don’t think it gets easier, you just get better at dealing with the current situation. I’ve been doing nappies for 8 years across 4 kids, and I’m getting good at it. I think it's more that the strain lessens and the fun increases. You get more time to yourself, are less physically exhausted doing thankless tasks and have deeper, more rewarding interaction with them. It's definitely still challenging, and in some ways the challenge is surely greater - they are now more far complex after all and dealing with various issues that are not cut and dried, as you allude to with boys. Indeed I think parenting at those ages is actually more difficult now than it was in the past, thanks to the added challenges of safely navigating the online world, availability of extreme porn etc. But I wanted to convey to people not feeling human thanks to their baby masters that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. OneSizeFitsAll fucked around with this message at 22:01 on Jan 3, 2021 |
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Jan 3, 2021 21:45
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I appreciate the balanced view coming in. I'm not a parent but hope to be in the not so distant future and I suffer badly from the fear because of the misery that people broadcast. Kids are complex wee beasts.
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Jan 3, 2021 21:59
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Tagichatn posted:Why so hostile? They weren't being dismissive at all. I know that I come here to vent more often than posting positive stuff because it's usually the more personal stuff that I send to family/friends. Also people asking for advice naturally are having some sort of negative issue. Parenting communities everywhere tend to gloss over the really tough stuff because no one wants to feel like they're doing a bad job, are a failure, or are having real difficulties with actually being a parent and so it's never discussed. It is 100% a good thing that we're talking about these kinds of things and that this is a place that both welcomes and accepts these kinds of discussions. The OP responding to all of that by saying it's the most negative community they're a part of is dismissive of the realities of others' situations and judgmental of the way they express it.
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Jan 3, 2021 22:00
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I sometimes wish there were more people with kids my age in this thread chatting about 6 and 9 year old kid poo poo. But it makes sense to me that there is a big need for support for those frazzled people who are struggling with all the early years stuff, and I think generally posters in this thread do a good job of that, as well as of sharing non-judgemental advice.
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Jan 3, 2021 22:07
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I also think there are a few more dad posters on this thread than a lot of other parenting resources, and tbh I have no idea how many other online or in person support structures a lot of dads have access to. I’ve been involved with a very tight-knit mom group online, and they’ve been fantastic and we talk about a lot of highs and lows, but if I didn’t have that the lows would probably spill over a lot more intensely. It’s tough with covid, but try to find other (non-insane) parents to talk with openly and bounce your feelings off of because it’s a huge help.
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Jan 3, 2021 22:27
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Blinkz0rz posted:Parenting communities everywhere tend to gloss over the really tough stuff because no one wants to feel like they're doing a bad job, are a failure, or are having real difficulties with actually being a parent and so it's never discussed. It is 100% a good thing that we're talking about these kinds of things and that this is a place that both welcomes and accepts these kinds of discussions. I don't understand why you think they were being dismissive since they just said that the tone of the thread is more negative than real life is. No one here is saying that people should stop posting negative stuff or even to post more positive things. I think their point was just that this thread is providing a lopsided viewpoint and it helps to be aware of that so that it doesn't scare you away from parenthood or make you feel guilty or bragg-y for posting the positive stuff.
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Jan 3, 2021 22:27
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Tagichatn posted:I don't understand why you think they were being dismissive since they just said that the tone of the thread is more negative than real life is. No one here is saying that people should stop posting negative stuff or even to post more positive things. I think their point was just that this thread is providing a lopsided viewpoint and it helps to be aware of that so that it doesn't scare you away from parenthood or make you feel guilty or bragg-y for posting the positive stuff. Identifying these kinds of discussions (because that's what they're identifying, not the tone) as negative is a value judgement. Perhaps a better way for the OP to frame it is that this thread is a bit more open about the difficulties of parenthood than others they are a part of. If that scares folks off of being parents maybe that's a good thing. Being a parent isn't all sweetness and light despite the sheer amount of blog posts and social conditioning that may claim otherwise.
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Jan 3, 2021 22:34
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