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Josherino)
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it feels like when i was in college before i dropped out i was doing so much, i was helping with activism in my city, i was getting meaningful work done towards my career, i had meaningful relationships with my friends outside the internet, i was dating people, etc. i was struggling with depression/adhd/bipolar but if i knew it was going to get bad i dont know what i would have done but in the 2 years since i dropped out and then covid it feels like i cant breathe, like im drowning, or treading water like the most ive been able to do in the last 3 days is get out of bed and browse twitter/something awul. the small amount of income outside of unemployment ive brought in has barely been enough to help my parents and get a few christmas presents i keep calling therapists but none of them accept my insurance and im lucky my parents have been helping me afford medication but literally nothing ive tried for adhd, bipolar, or depression has had a meaningful impact on my ability to function thinking about how much worse my life is going to get once i go off my parents insurance when im 26 and when my parents get sick of helping me out with money makes me really want to die idk i really want to check myself into a hospital because ive been feeling suicidal way more recently but im terrified if they keep me there ill catch covid. the idea of getting covid and becoming permanently disabled or getting covid brain or something feels like it would be the last straw for me to commit suicide since im already barely able to function as it is Kanine has issued a correction as of 09:02 on Jan 3, 2021 |
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Jan 3, 2021 08:59
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| # ? May 25, 2024 09:18 |
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Kanine posted:i keep calling therapists but none of them accept my insurance and im lucky my parents have been helping me afford medication but literally nothing ive tried for adhd, bipolar, or depression has had a meaningful impact on my ability to function Have you asked around about sliding scale payments? Some therapists will (often massively) reduce your payments if you can't get insurance with them. As far as the hospital goes, most of them I've seen are very strict about COVID protocols, to the point where visitors aren't allowed. I mean, anything's possible, and I'm on board with that particular fear, but every one I've seen are following strict protocols and keeping the patient areas in a bubble.
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Jan 3, 2021 19:05
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AceOfFlames posted:I don't think I can take how many more years of this will last. My "holiday" was exactly the same as my working days: stuck at home, binging podcasts and not cooking not cleaning. Even if the vaccine comes, I think I am irreversibly agoraphobic. Is life just going to be this, forever? I'm having a similar worry- I don't have any sort of agoraphobia but I'm finding it harder and harder to get up in the morning and do anything; right now I'm working part time with flexible hours over a holiday (just graduated and still working for a professor) but if I do manage to find something I don't know if I can actually make myself do it
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Jan 3, 2021 21:00
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Not sure if anyone remembers my early 2020 panicking, being the dumb dumb who bought an under construction condo in February. I thought I was gonna lose it, my job, and my $45k deposit, and almost did during the height of our lockdown, but we got the keys today, three months later than expected.  And Melbourne/Australia is essentially covid free now so it may not be a monumentally stupid investment.Just thought the thread would appreciate a happy ending for once. Here's the view from the rooftop patio 
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Jan 4, 2021 08:34
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That's brilliant news! I'm so happy for you. I have been following your ups and downs throughout last year and you're right, a happy ending is worth sharing.
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Jan 4, 2021 08:51
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Hell yes, congratulations! And now you can hopefully sleep in peace and have your quality of life super improve!
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Jan 4, 2021 09:17
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Glad to see everything is going well, USF.
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Jan 4, 2021 11:08
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That is a gorgeous view! I'm really glad things turned out okay with things, USF
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Jan 4, 2021 19:19
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Arivia posted:Hell yes, congratulations! Ironically I still slept like poo poo in the new place but not because of external noise, just my usual anxiety/work bullshit! Also I think they forgot to give me a remote or something for the AC. Or maybe the touch screen on my wall is misconfigured. Either way, no AC in Aussie summer is no bueno. Thanks for all the kind words.
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Jan 4, 2021 20:55
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I called the local mental health help place today and it'll be a couple of days before they get back with me. I've got depression and anxiety issues, and I know therapy is effective (I've done it before with good results). Why am I still so hesitant to actually want to do it? It's like I'm just terrified that I have to go back; I did this before and thought I was better, why do I have to go back? Why am I broken?
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Jan 5, 2021 00:20
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I'm doing bad. Real bad. I'm afraid all this will never end. I'm stuck in an apartment that I have panic attacks about constantly (we've had nothing but issues with infestations, hosed plumbing, rear end in a top hat landlords, etc.) at least until May. Everything that seemed like the tiniest bit of luck at the beginning of the year is gone. I'm isolated, have no friends, I'm chasing away my partner because of my currently untreated BPD. I'm afraid I'll be addicted to benzos forever because I can't get through the day without panicking. Running out of saved money. I can't feed myself except doordash. I wish I could even go for a walk but I live in a frozen hellscape. I need help. One of my loving best friends died of cancer a month ago. He was 26. My town lacks therapists and I go through them like used loving tissue. I have a psych but antidepressants have done nothing for me. I don't know what else to do.
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Jan 5, 2021 00:52
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Leavemywife posted:I called the local mental health help place today and it'll be a couple of days before they get back with me. I've got depression and anxiety issues, and I know therapy is effective (I've done it before with good results). That anxiety is super normal. There's a lot of societal stigma about seeking help for mental health, and it's insidious and creeps into your bones without you realizing it. You're not broken—you have a chronic medical condition. On top of that, it may be exacerbated by people being lovely to you. It's normal and healthy to want to seek treatment for that. If anything, it proves you're very much not broken for taking care of yourself like that. Science WHORE posted:I'm doing bad. Real bad. I'm afraid all this will never end. I'm stuck in an apartment that I have panic attacks about constantly (we've had nothing but issues with infestations, hosed plumbing, rear end in a top hat landlords, etc.) at least until May. Everything that seemed like the tiniest bit of luck at the beginning of the year is gone. I'm isolated, have no friends, I'm chasing away my partner because of my currently untreated BPD. I'm afraid I'll be addicted to benzos forever because I can't get through the day without panicking. Running out of saved money. I can't feed myself except doordash. I wish I could even go for a walk but I live in a frozen hellscape. I need help. One of my loving best friends died of cancer a month ago. He was 26. If you have BPD, I strongly strongly recommend getting DBT therapy if you can find a place and afford it. It was created by a psychologist with treatment resistant BPD specifically for that purpose (plus it works really well on bipolar!). I have a friend from a therapy group with BPD, and he gushes about it every chance he gets. It really seems to have helped with his splitting and negative self talk.
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Jan 5, 2021 17:06
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I feel like a jackass following this up with good news, but I started mirtazepine last week after a few months of my p-doc tinkering with meds and holy loving poo poo I can sleep and go to grocery stores like a normal person. For the first time in three years I feel like myself.
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Jan 5, 2021 17:09
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Chokes McGee posted:I feel like a jackass following this up with good news, but I started mirtazepine last week after a few months of my p-doc tinkering with meds and holy loving poo poo I can sleep and go to grocery stores like a normal person. For the first time in three years I feel like myself. That's great to hear, I was on mirtazapine for a bit a few years ago when I felt anxious 24/7. I remember thinking I could almost "feel" my anxiety float by me. Helped me at least to let myself feel moments of relatively extreme anxiety and possible triggers, which got me on the path to noticing when I feel relief and eventually a sense of self comfort. Hope you get a similar benefit too
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Jan 5, 2021 17:22
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veepfake posted:That's great to hear, I was on mirtazapine for a bit a few years ago when I felt anxious 24/7. I remember thinking I could almost "feel" my anxiety float by me. Helped me at least to let myself feel moments of relatively extreme anxiety and possible triggers, which got me on the path to noticing when I feel relief and eventually a sense of self comfort. Hope you get a similar benefit too Me too! So far so good though
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Jan 5, 2021 19:59
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Chokes McGee posted:That anxiety is super normal. There's a lot of societal stigma about seeking help for mental health, and it's insidious and creeps into your bones without you realizing it. You're not broken—you have a chronic medical condition. On top of that, it may be exacerbated by people being lovely to you. It's normal and healthy to want to seek treatment for that. If anything, it proves you're very much not broken for taking care of yourself like that. Thankfully, my wife is super supportive, and I know the friends I have would be if I told them/had time to tell them and actually hang out. My wife tells me I'm not broken and I know that, really, I'm not and that's just the depression trying to keep me down and get me into a bad place; it's hard to always keep that in mind, though, y'know? I'm glad I found this thread and made a post. I'm happy about your good news, Chokes, and I sincerely hope everyone else is going to be good. I think I sometimes need to know that people that are going through similar things are getting better and getting help; I'm not alone with these issues I've got. They're beatable.
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Jan 5, 2021 20:08
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Leavemywife posted:Thankfully, my wife is super supportive, and I know the friends I have would be if I told them/had time to tell them and actually hang out. My wife tells me I'm not broken and I know that, really, I'm not and that's just the depression trying to keep me down and get me into a bad place; it's hard to always keep that in mind, though, y'know? Exactly! That's why we come together: to know we're not alone
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Jan 6, 2021 16:55
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Chokes McGee posted:That anxiety is super normal. There's a lot of societal stigma about seeking help for mental health, and it's insidious and creeps into your bones without you realizing it. You're not broken—you have a chronic medical condition. On top of that, it may be exacerbated by people being lovely to you. It's normal and healthy to want to seek treatment for that. If anything, it proves you're very much not broken for taking care of yourself like that. Agree 100%.
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Jan 6, 2021 17:47
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Chokes McGee posted:That anxiety is super normal. There's a lot of societal stigma about seeking help for mental health, and it's insidious and creeps into your bones without you realizing it. You're not broken—you have a chronic medical condition. On top of that, it may be exacerbated by people being lovely to you. It's normal and healthy to want to seek treatment for that. If anything, it proves you're very much not broken for taking care of yourself like that. DBT is excellent for changing your behavior. it can be very hard to recognize when you're losing control and DBT really helps you figure out when you're stepping outside of "acceptable" boundaries.
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Jan 7, 2021 07:16
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I received word today that my cousin (who hadn't been heard from since last weekend) was found dead in his apartment in West Virginia today. He had been unemployed for 10 months and had struggled with depression for all of his adult life, recently having gone through rounds of ECT. Apparently the coroners are having difficulty figuring out how long he's been dead, because of his poverty he was keeping his apartment at 54 degrees.
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Jan 9, 2021 00:32
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god drat that loving sucks. I'm sorry
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Jan 9, 2021 01:46
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His funeral will likely be the first time I've seen my dad in five years, and in all likelihood the last time I see him for the remainder of his life. He was an incredibly abusive man to me and my sister. I don't intend on starting poo poo with him out of respect for my Aunt and surviving cousin, but I'm going to need to have a good final memory of me finally standing up to him and being brutally honest to him if he comes looking for anything resembling reconciliation.
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Jan 9, 2021 06:03
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that's an unbelievably lovely situation heaped on top of a tragic one. take care of yourself, op
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Jan 10, 2021 00:36
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Spoke with my Aunt earlier and apparently my dad is too chickenshit to face me so he won't fly back to attend the funeral. However, he has something growing in his chest so he likely has one foot in the grave at this point.
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Jan 10, 2021 02:32
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sounds like good news?
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Jan 10, 2021 02:51
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I'm sorry about the situation, Hilario. It's hosed up beyond measure, but you were brave to go to the funeral and potentially face your dad. The fact of the matter is he backed down, not you.
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Jan 11, 2021 20:41
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sorry to hear hilario -- make sure you take care of yourself, i know that kind of news can create sort of a toxic cloud that just exacerbates depression. contagious, sometimes. as a fellow lovely-dad-haver, try not to let his problems be your problems. gently caress him.
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Jan 13, 2021 07:51
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Some days it's all I can do to repress that little voice that tells me everyone else deserves to hurt as much as I do
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Jan 13, 2021 18:20
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Lib and let die posted:Some days it's all I can do to repress that little voice that tells me everyone else deserves to hurt as much as I do You are not alone
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Jan 15, 2021 00:16
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Lib and let die posted:Some days it's all I can do to repress that little voice that tells me everyone else deserves to hurt as much as I do That's common. A good thing that worked for me was developing replacement thoughts to counter each negative thought. Stuff like: You deserve good things. You're a good person. There are people who care for you. I have ______ in my life. _____ loves me. I started telling myself more positive things than negative thoughts to enter my mind. Over time habits form and new pathways in the brain develop to route around the old crap. If you ever need to talk about behavior therapy I'm available.
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Jan 15, 2021 01:00
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ask me about introducing the term "hypernormalisation" to my therapist and then coming home to feel sorry for myself
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Jan 16, 2021 10:09
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What did you say?
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Jan 16, 2021 16:14
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DoubleDonut posted:ask me about introducing the term "hypernormalisation" to my therapist and then coming home to feel sorry for myself So how did that come up?
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Jan 16, 2021 16:36
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I had mentioned before that I studied political science in college (which is true) and when I went in on Tuesday she asked me if what happened on the 6th had bothered me because I follow politics pretty closely I said not really because I'm pretty used to the idea of poo poo just constantly being bad in this country and from there just kind of got into what hypernormalisation is fwiw I have not gotten into the depths of my cspam brainworms other than saying that I'm "pretty left wing" DoubleDonut has issued a correction as of 23:10 on Jan 16, 2021 |
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Jan 16, 2021 23:08
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My house was broken into and robbed two months ago -laptop and electronics stolen, my car broke down and was totaled last month, been bike commuting this month and get hit and run by a car two days ago and now my bike is totalled. I'm luckily not too injured. I'm normally a pretty optimistic guy and trusting and well I feel a bit different lately.
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Jan 17, 2021 01:56
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DoubleDonut posted:I had mentioned before that I studied political science in college (which is true) and when I went in on Tuesday she asked me if what happened on the 6th had bothered me because I follow politics pretty closely Welp, just watched that. Now I'm depressed too.
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Jan 17, 2021 03:26
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MOVIE MAJICK posted:My house was broken into and robbed two months ago -laptop and electronics stolen, my car broke down and was totaled last month, been bike commuting this month and get hit and run by a car two days ago and now my bike is totalled. I'm luckily not too injured. Collective conscience. We're all feeling this. I literally just broke down a minute ago. I was talking with my dad. He's twice divorced, now alone, had no one, family never really talks with him, retired, SSI, nothing going for him, dementia starting, hard Trumper, feels dejected by the world and just lost an election. He doesn't get all crazy about the conspiracies though, he must be just a bit too old for that subset. When things are good in the news he watches Fox Business to see how much the markets are making. When things are bad or paranoid he watches Fox News to see the libs get owned. But when his guy doesn't win the election he turns off the national news and watching local news (KC metro, pretty left leaning but fair). He knows he's lost this election, and it kills him inside because he's drank the Fox koolaid since 9/11. But he's oldschool enough that he doesn't flip out, he just shuts down and takes it as another painful chapter in his life. That he again won't get what he's been promised from this country. And that actually makes me feel real bad. Because he doesn't know how he's being manipulated by others into being unhappy. But what sent me over the edge was he said tonight that he was watching a NOVA special on dogs and their lineage from wolves. And there was a scene where they showed a dog an empty field except for his owner being in it. Then they took the dog away and had the owner get under a blanket and then reintroduced the dog to see if he could figure out that his owner was under the blanket. And he described it in a way that told me he needed companionship and it all set in that he has no one to just hold him and tell him everything will be okay. He just has the TV which fills his head with any number of untold buckets of crap. And I have nothing right now. I've been fired from two jobs in the past month and a half at a critical time when I'm trying to piece my life back together from a criminal conviction that I did time for. And this pandemic is making it incredibly difficult for anyone, let alone someone who is a felon and has to care for their dad who has nothing. His brother, my uncle, just died two months ago. He was basically paying for my dad to live with him in exchange for my dad taking care of his brother who had serious medical issues. My uncle had a bird, and upon his passing I took over care of the bird. The bird doesn't like my dad, probably because my dad is a Trumper and the bird would've voted for Jill Stein (I kid, but you know). And I see that it kills him that while I also have nothing going on in life I at least have this bird while he has nothing. And that tipped me over the edge. I went into the basement and just exploded tears that had to have been building from all this poo poo that is going on in the world. I cried for like 20 minutes. And the whole time the bird just stood right next to me on the table waiting for me to finish then came up and pecked away at the loving tears on my face which just sent me over the top yet again that WHY THE gently caress ARE WE LIVING LIKE THIS.
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Jan 17, 2021 03:46
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That's tough. I'm also dealing with a dying health problems dad with stage 4 cancer whose chemo is making his mind slip. Luckily my mom is still with him because I have no emotional fuel to give comfort or be useful in that way. There's no purer guilt than not living up to the role of good son or daughter.
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Jan 17, 2021 04:17
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MOVIE MAJICK posted:There's no purer guilt than not living up to the role of good son or daughter. I vary between this and I never loving asked to be born
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Jan 17, 2021 05:48
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indigi posted:I vary between this and I never loving asked to be born life is like a box of chocolates, there's maybe one or two good pieces in the whole thing and the rest belongs in the trash can e: unless you luck out and the box is like entirely caramels but this is the mental health thread, we all got expired terry's chocolate oranges here e2: maybe this post was too bleak, i'm just finishing week 1 of a 2 week taper off of abilify and man am I in a poo poo mood blatman has issued a correction as of 16:11 on Jan 17, 2021 |
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Jan 17, 2021 15:36
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