Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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wesleywillis: Dec 30, 2016; SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

Inadvertently, King Missile.

I thought he just lost it.

# ? Nov 1, 2020 02:08

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# ? May 13, 2024 04:08

kazr: Jan 28, 2005

Solice Kirsk posted:

Who would throw away a perfectly good....well, not good...tangible. Yes, who would throw away a perfectly tangible severed penis?

Lorena Bobbit

# ? Nov 3, 2020 07:20

Descend to slumber: May 12, 2001

Solice Kirsk posted:

Who would throw away a perfectly good....well, not good...tangible. Yes, who would throw away a perfectly tangible severed penis?

Can you please describe for us, with references, a situation involving an intangible severed tadger, please?

# ? Nov 4, 2020 04:10

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

My anon confession: i didn't fuckin vote. for the first time in my life.

also, intangible? Obvious ghost member.

# ? Nov 4, 2020 04:45

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Ghost Dad reboot getting some dark undertones.

# ? Nov 4, 2020 06:36

Descend to slumber: May 12, 2001

So like, are there any more fleshes? I can send some in if more are needed?

If there's a bunch that get posted though they're totally not about me.

# ? Mar 6, 2021 05:22

a starchy tuber: Sep 9, 2002; hi yes I'm very normal

We lost Loq to CSPAM :rip:

# ? Mar 6, 2021 05:42

Descend to slumber: May 12, 2001

promising carl posted:

We lost Loq to CSPAM

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

# ? Mar 6, 2021 06:03

Hedrigall: Mar 27, 2008; by vyelkin

New thread! New thread!

I have some stuff to get off my chest about where the bodies are stashed

# ? Mar 6, 2021 10:39

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Descend to slumber posted:

So like, are there any more fleshes? I can send some in if more are needed?

If there's a bunch that get posted though they're totally not about me.

Please do not post fleshes

# ? Mar 6, 2021 14:48

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Sorry I fell off with keeping up with the thread, guys, but I can pass the keys to the email along to someone else to continue the work if there's a volunteer

I originally inherited the thread from H.H myself after all

# ? Mar 6, 2021 15:07

blight rhino: Feb 11, 2014; EXQUISITE ~~LURKER~~ RHINO; Nap Ghost

loquacius posted:

Sorry I fell off with keeping up with the thread, guys, but I can pass the keys to the email along to someone else to continue the work if there's a volunteer

I originally inherited the thread from H.H myself after all

someone take over! Don't ask why I don't. I'm unreliable and primarily a lurker.

My own confessions have been here.

Bug insect fighterman was probably one of my favorites to read.

come back to us

# ? Mar 6, 2021 16:54

Bust Rodd: Oct 21, 2008; by VideoGames

Maybe just goldmine this thread for posterity and relaunch it?

# ? Mar 8, 2021 02:38

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

I just checked and it has literally been so long that the password I was pretty sure was correct for the official gmail is actually wrong, so yeah it might be time for a reboot :v:

e: wait no nevermind I'm in! Good thing too because there is a lot of content in there to help jumpstart a relaunch

# ? Mar 8, 2021 15:07

Bust Rodd: Oct 21, 2008; by VideoGames

Hoping for a weird X-over event where the bug dream guy hunts down the goon who ran over that dog

# ? Mar 8, 2021 15:24

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Bug hunter and underground alien base should be in the OP

# ? Mar 8, 2021 15:34

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Hi! Loq has given me his blessing to get on with the fesh-posting which is hopefully OK with you because it required him to pass along like 19 different verification codes.

EDIT: There was a thing here that I shouldn�t have posted. I�m very sorry.

quote:

I am a former CIA agent and I've debated putting this out there for years. Given the current events in the world I feel like I can't keep this in any longer. Around 20 years ago, I got brought out to this town in the middle of Ohio - Centerville along with 2 other agents. They drove us in and brought us to a small dock behind the FBI building there. We went on a small boat out to the smaller of the two islands in the lake. We docked the boat and were guided along a path.

There were plaques along the trail, like you'd find at a zoo or a museum. They detailed a history that lets just say that they don't teach you in school. Long story short - the Nazis won World War 2 and America was their prize. Centerville is the capital of the Reich and at the end of that trail was a statue of old Adolf himself surrounded by children.

We were told that everything we knew about America in terms of demographics, make-up, government, etc was true except for this one basic fact. The big lie that they didn't tell us then but were telling us now because we had proven ourselves. One of the agents that came with us spoke up - I was told to shoot him and did. We dumped his body in the water.

I've been holding that in for a long time but I'm pretty sure that this virus thing is down to them. Anything big usually is. I've lost people I care about and I'm sure other agents have too and they deserve to know the truth. I know this all sounds pretty crazy so let me drop in one thing I do know for sure. An asteroid is going to hit on April 29th.

It's going to hit in the ocean but it's going to do a lot of damage and gently caress things up for the next decade. Maybe they justified the virus with keeping a tight lock on society but if they're Nazis I think they've got a lot more up their sleeves. The agents that know about it have kept it in so they don't cause a panic. At this point, its more important that people know what's coming and know who's pulling the strings.

Guess which April!

e: oops! fixed it.

burial fucked around with this message at 04:00 on Mar 31, 2021

# ? Mar 9, 2021 04:47

a starchy tuber: Sep 9, 2002; hi yes I'm very normal

IDK I might welcome the asteroid at this point

# ? Mar 9, 2021 05:26

Hedrigall: Mar 27, 2008; by vyelkin

Choose Your Own Adventure book 74: The Mystery At Hitler Island

# ? Mar 9, 2021 06:49

Rupert Buttermilk: Apr 15, 2007; 🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...

So... Was that supposed to have been last April, or this one?

# ? Mar 9, 2021 11:32

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

I've been to Centerville. It's poorly named, as it is the center of absolutely nothing.

# ? Mar 9, 2021 12:55

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Soo you're saying that it's hidden in plain sight? Have you seen the golden Charlie Chaplin statue?

# ? Mar 9, 2021 13:15

therattle: Jul 24, 2007; Soiled Meat

The Hitler one is especially funny given the current r/relationships thread title.

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3910844&perpage=40&noseen=1&pagenumber=1635

therattle fucked around with this message at 15:55 on Mar 9, 2021

# ? Mar 9, 2021 15:51

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

So... Was that supposed to have been last April, or this one?

Last April! but it could still be a seventh day adventist-y �gotta re-run the numbers� kinda thing, right?

I don�t want anybody losing hope.

e: There really are a LOT of confessions.

burial fucked around with this message at 02:51 on Mar 10, 2021

# ? Mar 9, 2021 17:56

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

quote:

I've got plenty of issues but I live in a pretty remote area. I used to see a counselor or a psychologist occasionally when I was in my 20s but in retrospect it feels like a lot of the help I got at the time was hand holding encouragement. "Keep going, the sun will shine again tomorrow--you're looking at it wrong, be more positive!" Lol. I can still remember my counselor when I was a student chiding me "that's not very gestalt" she'd say whenever I'd say I "should" do something. They did help me cope and I got through it.

I always sort of imagined therapy or having a psychologist would be more like on TV. You have a dedicated resource that you can tell your feelings and problems to and they could wax eloquent on psychology bullshit and help you frame strategies for getting through life. Sort of like a combination priest/lawyer litigating your feelings.

But a lot of the help I've gotten in my 30s was lackluster. Work stress: "If your job is stressing you out have you considered getting another job?" incipient alcoholism: "usually when a client tells me they drink too much it's more like a case a day and not just a drink or three per night." Existential terror: "Have you tried spending time with your dog when you feel this way?" I mean, I appreciate the attempt but the people I've seen over the past few years, I just get the impression that their focus is people in crisis. Addicts who have already blown up their lives, kids with deep traumas, that sort of thing. A graying middle class person with reliable employment trying to wade through ennui, sophomoric existentialism, and the stresses of trying to build a retirement before becoming an old man probably is a waste of resources for them.

I tried seeing a psychiatrist but he was kind of a pill factory. I didn't trust him. The consultation literally was less than a half hour. He also hosed up the prescription--the pharmacy told me the drug didn't exist (I think he mixed up two separate medications and transposed the name). I should probably try shopping around for another but for real, how much time and money do I need to spend on this.

I dunno. Sometimes I catch myself drinking too much so I stop for awhile. Find different ways to cope. Exercise instead. That helps. I lift weights, I pedal my elliptical. Sometimes I feel depressed so I try to focus on what mental feedback loops I'm in and turn the noise down a bit. It's almost winter solstice and it is very dark. I do better in summer these days. It helps to remember that and to take my vitamin D.

Things just seem so meaningless sometimes though. Time goes by faster and faster and I can just feel it running out. When I was little (maybe 4?) we had a few dogs and one of them was really aggressive. I remember hearing he had brain damage from parvo, but I don't know if that was the actual situation. Anyway, he was chained up outside and I found out I could run through his reach and get away before he ran at me so I did that a lot right up until he got me. Shortly after my mother took my sister and I in to the vet with him to have him put down. And I remember petting him and being surprised that he was so calm. Sometimes I still think of that when I'm falling asleep--slowing down, drifting off, then BAM, the looming spectre of mortality and I am wide awake.

Maybe I should ask my mother how all that happened, but I already know the answer will be some variant of "it was the 80s and I was a dipshit in my 20s" Her and I get along pretty well these days... Actually, NOT visiting her during COVID has been wearing on me more and more.

Kind of a depressing story, but life could be a lot worse. I'm not trying to get people down, just feel better writing it down and the therapists in my area are lousy. I also feel sort of lovely talking to friends and family since it almost always brings them down. You guys hear anything good about online therapy?

PS--I did try chopping my dick off but while I was unconscious from the blood loss they took me to the doctor and unfortunately I do have some coverage so they did reattach my dick which once I healed, I chopped off second time and I gave it a really nice funeral out by the river. But it didn't help, so pls, only non-dick-chopping commentary unless sugar free jazz knows of a way to chop off a ghost limb dick. Please remember I am in a rural area so the spiritual assistance is likely to be primitive as well.

I�m almost positive there are resources for this kind of thing (maybe e/n? It�s been awhile since I�ve looked. If no one else beats me to it, I�ll check and edit anything relevant in.)

I�m kinda curious about the online therapy bit too though. Rural living is sometimes not the best.

# ? Mar 11, 2021 02:44

DivineCoffeeBinge: Mar 3, 2011; Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company

you can't just chop off your dick and expect it to make everything better

you have to chop off the idea of your dick

you have to wholly embrace dicklessness in your mind and your soul as well as your body

# ? Mar 11, 2021 04:18

Sally: Jan 9, 2007; Don't post Small Dash!

kind of upset OP cut off their dick before the thread could suggest it...

# ? Mar 11, 2021 05:03

sugar free jazz: Mar 5, 2008

it seems like you�re in a very stressed state op, but may I suggest an exorcist to help you finish cutting your dick off? The existential stress may be the result of a job unfinished. Sever your soul dick and follow through, give your life a sense of completeness.

# ? Mar 11, 2021 06:10

802.11weed: May 9, 2007; ^no

I recommend smoking some loving weed

# ? Mar 11, 2021 06:36

Descend to slumber: May 12, 2001

Feshes are BACK! This is excellent, I'm so pleased I won't even send any fleshes to the fesh email, not a single one!

Also, depressed fesher - if you're in a rural area have you considered looking into online counselling options? It might expand your options a fair bit and let you try other people. I understand that although some people can hunker down with a single therapist and see results, other folks with less acute stuff going on sometimes need to bounce between a couple and evaluate if they are really getting what they need from the therapy. It sounds like you haven't found that yet, but it's likely that someone is out there who will take you seriously and help you develop the tools you need to cope. Failing that, maybe they'll be able to give you the tools you need to get through the right meds?

# ? Mar 11, 2021 06:38

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

I�m glad you mentioned that you had chopped off your dick OP. I was reading your emo confession and I got to that revelation right as I was exclaiming �what the gently caress is this sappy, dickless bullshit!?�
So thanks for clarifying.

# ? Mar 11, 2021 20:00

OldSenileGuy: Mar 13, 2001

Descend to slumber posted:

Feshes are BACK!

Narrator: �Feshes were NOT back.�

# ? Mar 30, 2021 07:59

Descend to slumber: May 12, 2001

OldSenileGuy posted:

Narrator: �Feshes were NOT back.�

How is that guy ALWAYS right?

# ? Mar 31, 2021 02:50

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Take THIS, narrator! It�s both worrisome and recent.

quote:

I think my wife is drugging our son.

We have an 11 year old boy. He's autistic and developmentally delayed. His cognitive and intellectual abilities vary - in some areas he's about on level with a 6-7 year old, and others as low as 3-4. He's the sweetest kid and I love him more than anything.

His school has offered a distance learning option since the beginning of the school year. We've opted for this each term so far since my wife is at risk of serious COVID complications. I have a few risk factors myself.

My son takes a few medications, including one to help him sleep through the night. Without it, he can wake us up several times per night. The recommended dose is 1-2 pill before bedtime, so we get 60 pills with each refill.

Since the beginning of the school year (and maybe even before that) he has had a hard time staying awake all day. I've understood (or at least assumed) this isn't uncommon with autistic children - their brains run on overload when they're awake so it makes sense if they nap longer and more frequently than neurotypical kids. But some days he can sleep from late morning to mid-evening. And then sleep a full night after that. This makes it nearly impossible to home school our child properly.

At the same time, his sleeping pills seem to always run out faster than I expect. His latest 6-month set of prescription renewals was exhausted two weeks ago. His other regular 2x/day medication still has 2 refills. I give him 1 sleeping pill per night most days, and only give him 2 pills 1-2 time per week. At the rate I'm giving them, we should always have a surplus. Instead we're two months short on his dosage schedule.

We're the only adults in the house. We're solely responsible for giving him medication. I've tried to think of alternate explanations, but nothing seems to fit. I try to regularly count his sleeping pills and we always have less than I'd expect. When we have them in the house and my wife knows where they are, he sleeps a lot during the day. When I get lazy between refills he doesn't. When we ran out of his last 6-month refill series I waited about 10 days before contacting his doctor for a one-off refill. In that time, he didn't really hap during the day.

Since I got the latest one-off refill (59 pills; the pharmacy shorted me one) on March 9th, I've given him three pills (one each night before bed). When I counted them this afternoon the bottle has 53. Today is March 12th, so he should have had 56 pills when I counted them.

I don't know what to make of this. My best guess is she doesn't want to deal with him all day. He can be pretty difficult at times. Picture a 90lb hyperactive toddler. He's generally calmer than that, but if he's really overstimulated he can be a huge handful.

She volunteered to help him home school since she is currently unemployed and I work from home full time. But we haven't had any home schooling since November. I try to work with him here and there but I also need to attend meetings and keep up with work obligations so I don't lose my job.

I've commented to her about how fast his sleeping pills disappear and she plays dumb. She claims she doesn't know why it's happening. At one point she implied that our son was getting into his pills and taking extras. But I seriously doubt he'd be able to open a childproof bottle of pills if I showed him how. He can't tie his shoes and barely knows how to connect and zip a zipper. I'm worried if I accuse her directly she'll just dig in and continue to deny it. And make me seem like a crazy rear end in a top hat for making the accusation.

I know she's doing it, but I don't have direct proof. Just circumstantial evidence. What do I do? How do I stop this?

I�m sorry for the big gap right after I took responsibility. I�ll see that it doesn�t happen again.

e: Bonus Alien Experience!

quote:

I had an encounter with an alien 6 months ago but haven�t told anyone even my wife.

I live in LA and went for a walk down Hollywood Blvd at about 4 am. I ended up somehow getting lost despite knowing this area extremely well, then suddenly felt my fight or flight reflex kick in majorly.

I looked around and saw a guy running at me so I ran and tried to get away. He caught me very quickly and pushed me on the ground so I started clawing at his face. His face fell off and there was a featureless pale yellow �face� that was just a blank. It vibrated and a single red blob formed in the middle, at which point I felt faint and passed out.

I have memories of being on a wooden table that was burning hot, then having something wet drip on my face. I cannot confirm any of those are real though.

I woke up in my bedroom the next morning around 10 am and brushed it all off as a dream except:

My legs were sore as if I had been walking and running all night

My wife remembered me going for a walk

My keys were (and still are) missing

The front door was locked

My allergies have been awful since then and the doctor told me he thinks I may be developing some later in life allergies. He said it happens but even he said it was unusual how many new allergies I had developed.

I have researched UFO and alien stuff and it�s all so hokey and lovely and none of the stuff I�ve found matches my experience at all. I�m scared I am going to get cancer.

burial fucked around with this message at 03:51 on Mar 31, 2021

# ? Mar 31, 2021 03:26

Rupert Buttermilk: Apr 15, 2007; 🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...

I have two boys who, as far as I know, don't have any developmental delays. At one point, when my older son was about 3 months old, the doctors thought he had craniosinostosis, where the skull doesn't expand as the brain does, which can cause a truly nightmare of possibilities if not properly taken care of. I know that's not what you're going through, but all of this is to say that for a while, I mentally went through all of the potential scenarios and I have so much sympathy for you as well as all other parents of developmentally challenged kids. I truly hope for the best for you. I have zero advice. I hope you can figure this out.

# ? Mar 31, 2021 03:56

kazr: Jan 28, 2005

There aren't a lot of prescription drugs used for at home sleep aids, especially for children. I'm assuming hydroxyzine 25mg 1 to 2 at night if you're getting 60 a refill, while relatively safe those antihistamines can play with the kidneys. This is a tall order my dude, your wife is keeping your kid from learning, exploring, and hopefully making those steps and connections that could help propel him into the next stages of life. Instead of a 14 year old functioning at 10, you're going to have a 14 year old still at 6 to 7 who's now hairy, stinky, and 2 feet taller.

This is a talk you need to have as calmly as possible and if she isn't able to own up, or isn't able to admit wrong doing, well... there's your answer. Collect the evidence you need in case it comes down to the courts.

# ? Mar 31, 2021 06:19

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Option 1) talk to your wife (boring)
Option 2) secret camera pointing at the pills (illegal?)
Option 3) cut your dick off (preferred)
Option 4) hide the sleeping pills and leave out sugar pill decoys (cowardly)
Option 5) hide the sleeping pills and leave out caffeine pill decoys (optimal A++ solution would recommend)

# ? Mar 31, 2021 13:54

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Option three, final answer, Regis.

# ? Mar 31, 2021 14:51

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Wait, would it be against the law to film your own space like that? It�s not the preferred option even if it isn�t (for a number of reasons) but legality wasn�t my first thought.

# ? Mar 31, 2021 14:59

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# ? May 13, 2024 04:08

Bust Rodd: Oct 21, 2008; by VideoGames

There is absolutely no law against setting up a camera in your own house.

Also it�s not like he�s trying to get the police involved. A pair of wireless Arlo camera is like $100-$120, just put one by the pills and one by your kid and if your theory is true you�ll know by the end of the week.

It�s the classic boyfriend coup, lol, because even if she rightfully calls you out on spying, you�re in the right here for not wanting her to drug your child and you�ve caught her lying about it. If you�re wrong then no harm no foul.

Being in a domestic relationship and discovering that your partner might be doing something like this is a horror movie plot, IMO.

# ? Mar 31, 2021 15:28

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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