goatsestretchgoals posted:

Artisinal eucalyptus is exactly the same as artisinal aloe vera, except panda bears eat one of them.

eucalyptuz.com please don't steal, original idea

McGavin posted:

Pandas eat bamboo.

quote:

Koalas are loving horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life.

Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their loving lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, poo poo and occasionally scream like loving satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal.

Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're loving terrible animals.

Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher.

This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in helmet. I loving hate them.

Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.

By popular demand posted:

Koala, panda and sloth are all members of the crap bear family, which specialises in appearing cute from afar but are a loving biological cesspit.

McGavin posted:

Pandas eat bamboo.

Memento posted:

This is my favourite diatribe about koalas. I think I got it from these forums, but have no idea who originally posted it.

Kith posted:

https://i.imgur.com/lImt22A.mp4

what's the osha code for a mountain falling apart

Evilreaver posted:

Allegedly from a friend in discord, having bought a shelf from Amazon

wesleywillis posted:

Koalas eat rear end apparently. That can't be that bad?

KoRMaK posted:

lol thank you for this, I just finished it

LifeSunDeath posted:

Keru posted:

I started looking it up and found out about Through-Canopy Ejection Seats, which feels like the most OSHA ejection seat possible.

"Through-Canopy Penetration is similar to Canopy Destruct, but a sharp spike on the top of the seat, known as the "shell tooth", strikes the underside of the canopy and shatters it."

Keru posted:

I started looking it up and found out about Through-Canopy Ejection Seats, which feels like the most OSHA ejection seat possible.

"Through-Canopy Penetration is similar to Canopy Destruct, but a sharp spike on the top of the seat, known as the "shell tooth", strikes the underside of the canopy and shatters it."

Evilreaver posted:

So now I'm thinking "what if the part of the canopy that gets spiked has already been shot out, does the pilot just get crammed into the unbroken canopy?" It would be a one in a million shot, but this is the OSHA thread, those odds happen sometimes.

Then I'm thinking, enemy fire makes smallish holes in canopies, it doesn't shatter them, but the shell tooth does, presumably on that 'spark plug ceramic breaks car glass' magic trick. So now I'm thinking, would it make sense to have bullets tipped with that ceramic, with the idea that any hit that hits the canopy anywhere explodes the whole thing? I can't imagine it would reduce the effectiveness of the bullet hitting other parts of a plane much.

I've been playing too much War Thunder I guess, all fighter combat is missiles nowadays anyway

Evilreaver posted:

Then I'm thinking, enemy fire makes smallish holes in canopies, it doesn't shatter them, but the shell tooth does, presumably on that 'spark plug ceramic breaks car glass' magic trick. So now I'm thinking, would it make sense to have bullets tipped with that ceramic, with the idea that any hit that hits the canopy anywhere explodes the whole thing? I can't imagine it would reduce the effectiveness of the bullet hitting other parts of a plane

Kith posted:

https://i.imgur.com/lImt22A.mp4

what's the osha code for a mountain falling apart

Keru posted:

To think, if only Goose had worn a Pickelhaube, he would've been alive today.

Memento posted:

Eating rear end is fine, but they eat their mother's rear end, and I personally can't get behind that.

MikeCrotch posted:

A Mysterious Act of God's Love

mobby_6kl posted:

Ever wondered what happens with those trucks busses overloaded with passengers if something goes wrong?

Evilreaver posted:

Then I'm thinking, enemy fire makes smallish holes in canopies, it doesn't shatter them, but the shell tooth does, presumably on that 'spark plug ceramic breaks car glass' magic trick. So now I'm thinking, would it make sense to have bullets tipped with that ceramic, with the idea that any hit that hits the canopy anywhere explodes the whole thing? I can't imagine it would reduce the effectiveness of the bullet hitting other parts of a plane much.

mobby_6kl posted:

Ever wondered what happens with those trucks busses overloaded with passengers if something goes wrong?

https://i.imgur.com/dJWGLF4.mp4