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Dwight says this even though he would have known at this point that Michael Scott left Dunder Mifflin in season seven.
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Apr 6, 2021 16:17
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| # ? May 29, 2024 08:26 |
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That's a real deep cut there. Jim tells Dwight that he only tells the truth. Then he says that he is lying, right now. The logical conundrum overheats Dwight's brain, causing him to shut down.
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Apr 6, 2021 16:21
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Jim kidnaps Michael and leaves a folded origami crane and an unregistered cellphone for Dwight to find, leading to a mystery for Dwight to unravel in order to save Michael from being drowned in a construction site. Related to the case, but unknown to Dwight, FBI special agent Norman Jayden spends half an hour falling up and down a muddy hill like a dipshit.
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Apr 6, 2021 16:22
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As Michael introduces the ED-209 after a recent upsurge in crime, Jim volunteers Dwight to hold a gun and pretend to be a perp to demonstrate it.
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Apr 6, 2021 16:24
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At Dwight's birthday party, folks gather for some sheet cake and ice cream. Jim unexpectedly drops by with a rather large, wrapped gift for Dwight, happily surprising everyone in the office. "Aw, Jim, you shouldn't have, you didn't have to..." Says Dwight, taking the package. Jim smiles and shrugs as Dwight begins tearing the paper like a child. "Well, I know you like your game nights with 'The Boys', so I thought...y'know..." By now, Dwight has unwrapped the gift, it appears to be a rectangular wooden box, but looking closer, it's very ornately carved, it looks very nice, perhaps old, expensive, even! "Wow, Jim, I don't know what to say...what is it?" He rotates the box around to orientate it to try and make some sense of it. "Ju-man-ji..." he reads, questioningly and looks up at Jim, somewhat befuddled, but grateful. Jim mugs to the camera.
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Apr 6, 2021 16:43
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Jim steals samples of Dundee Mifflin’s paper and escapes with them by creating a power outage that also lets the warehouse guys loose to terrorize the office. Dwight tries to use Jim’s computer to reestablish the power, and a little cartoon with Jim’s face pops up on the screen, locking him out. “Ah, ah, ah! You didn’t say the magic word! Ah, ah, ah! You didn’t say the magic word!”
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Apr 6, 2021 16:49
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HD DAD posted:Jim leaves Dwight in the transporter buffer for 78 years Jim and Dwight get transporter combined into a Tuvix® named J’Wight in an attempt to correct the situation they pull out a second version named D’W’im something something, they prank each other, they date Pam/Angela (P’Angela) (A’anm)
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Apr 6, 2021 16:54
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jim installs a reverse interlock device in dwights car that will only work when he has alcohol in his system
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Apr 6, 2021 20:18
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bear named tators posted:Dwight finds this thread open on his computer. He begins to read. As his horror grows he finds himself unable look away. Unable to stop. A black liquid trickles from his left nostril. Completion Dwight finds this thread open on his computer. He begins to read. As his horror grows he finds himself unable look away. Unable to stop. A black liquid trickles from his left nostril. Jim mugs at the camera. Black liquid running out of every hole in his head. Tears, and foam and blood. His pupils shifting back and forth in a macabre, throbbing dance. He goes completely white. His face becomes distorted, his mouth stretched into a horrified, gargling, impossible grin. “ALIVE!” Jim’s voice screams. His eyes roll back into his skull as he falls backwards into a frozen, gray heap. “Jim, Jim… Jim!” Dwight’s voice is whiny. Dwight’s tone. Dwight’s face. “Jim? What’s wrong, Jim? Are you okay? Jim? Jim? Jim? Jim? What is it? What’s wrong? Are you ok? Jim? Jim? Jim? Jim? Jim? Jim? Jim?” There is silence. Jim is silent. Dwight pulls his sweater over his head. His muffled screams fill the air, but they are only ever heard by himself, and Dwight, and Dwight’s speakers. Dwight’s speakers. “Jim? Jim! Jim? Jim? Jim! Jim? The world around Dwight fades away. The sound of Dwight’s voice fades away. Dwight’s speakers fade away. The black liquid on Dwight’s face fades away. Dwight’s speakers fade away. “Jim? Jim? Jim? Jim? Jim? Jim?
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Apr 6, 2021 21:50
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Dwight slogs through the thick underbrush. Heavy shotgun in his hands before him. He knows his prey is out here, he'd seen it rush through here not but a few moments before. If he was careful, cautious, perhaps he could sneak up on it and finally, FINALLY have HIS day. He slowly inches forward, parting the thick greenery that seems to engulf him on all sides, his brow and brown shirt slick with sweat and rainforest damp. He hears it. Just ahead. He can make out perhaps a small clearing. It must have stepped on a stick in its haste - no, it's FEAR of Dwight. Yes. YES! Haha! Dwight takes another, larger step forward, and then he sees it. Motion, just to his left. The leaves part slightly, and he knows it's too late as he sees it mug that tooth filled smile at him. "...Clever Jim."
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Apr 6, 2021 22:11
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Dwight stands outside the entrance to Jim's burrow, shotgun ready. Jim rises up on an elevator, nonchalantly chewing on a carrot. "Eh... What's up, doc?" inquires Jim, unfazed by the shotgun bobbing inches from his face.
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Apr 6, 2021 22:18
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Jim invents a time machine and travels back in time where he discovers that an itinerate rabbi by the name of Yeshua ben Yosef looks exactly like Dwight Schrute. Thinking quickly he travels back to the present to kidnap Dwight and swap the two men. Jim mugs for the camera as Longinus pierces the side of the already expired Dwight with a spear. Back in the present Toby explains to "Dwight" that if he makes any more scourges out of ethernet cables and paperclips he will be officially reprimanded. Unbeknownst to them all the pits of hell await them as without the blood of the Christ to wash away their sins their souls cannot escape damnation.
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Apr 6, 2021 22:26
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dwight posts on twitter that he is at a memorial for his mother, including an image of the memorial pamphlet. jim replies to indicate that ouuugh, he just nutted all over dwight's mother
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Apr 6, 2021 22:38
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Jim states that he has come to take Dwight to the land of the dead. Hoping to forestall him, Dwight challenges Jim to a chess match. He hopes to delay his passing for as long as the game lasts. The game continues until it is clear that Jim has the better position, and he flatly states "No one escapes me". Dwight knocks the chess pieces over but Jim restores them to their place. On the next move, Jim wins the game and announces that when they meet again, it will be the last time for all. Jim then asks Dwight if he achieved the "meaningful deed" he wished to accomplish and Dwight replies that he has. He has completed a final sale that put him over the monthly paper quota. Jim leads Dwight and several other staff away in a dancing procession.
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Apr 6, 2021 22:39
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Dwight's cousin Mose sells his sheets to collect enough money for Dwight to buy a bicycle, which allows him to get work passing out paper for Dunder Mifflin. However, Jim steals the bike and rides away. Dwight sees Jim several times over the next several days, but Jim eludes him each time. Finally, Dwight pursues Jim into a brother, but he is roughly ejected. Jim's coworkers jeer and insult Dwight, buffeting him away, and Jim falls into a convenient ague, drawing the crowd's sympathies. Finally, Dwight is able to have a police officer search Jim's home, but no there is sign of the bicycle. Jim mugs the camera.
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Apr 6, 2021 22:45
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jim seduces michael scott into a deeply erotic and exploitative relationship. one moment he's kissing michael scott on the lips, the next he's berating michael scott and abusing him big time. dwight tries to intervene but michael scott refuses his help, insisting that dwight just doesn't understand how much jim loves him. dwight weeps knowing that jim has unjustly taken the attentions of michael scott and twisted them to brutal purposes. before dwight can turn back to angela, jim has outmaneuvered him again; angela is secretly the admin of a livejournal community revolving around sailor moon fanfiction. jim infiltrated the group under an assumed alias and, over time, has turned half of the group against the other in a terrible feud. just as dwight began to turn towards angela, jim carefully instigated a flame war calculated to enrage angela to the point that she firebombed another fanfic writer's house, landing her in prison where she can no longer be reached.
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Apr 6, 2021 23:48
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Starting from his position as General Secretary, Jim ruthlessly consolidates and centralises power on himself until he is the de facto, if not de jure, supreme leader. He then collectivises Schrute Farms.
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Apr 7, 2021 00:10
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After Michael Scott is found dead, the senior employees of Dunder Mifflin’s Scranton branch quickly and quietly coalesce into vying factions, each seeking to push their vision for how the company must go, and in fear of their rivals seizing power. By aligning the HR, finance, and Sales departments behind him, Jim is able to outflank the clumsy maneuvers of Dwight. At a routine meeting, Dwight is suddenly seized, put through a hasty show trial, found guilty of crimes against the principles of Dunder Mifflin, executed in the spot, and his body burned. Mose is sent into exile. Jim ambiguously mugs the camera.
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Apr 7, 2021 00:22
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Dwight brings his jell-o encased stapler to Michael demanding that Jim be reprimanded for it but can't seem to find Michael anywhere in the office. In fact, nobody has seen Michael at all. Strangely, however, even though Jim agreed to search for Michael all he has done is ask all their coworkers what they thought of his prank. As Dwight becomes more and more concerned for the safety and wellbeing of his friend Jim becomes more and more sullen and angry that nobody appreciates his prank. Finally, while searching in the sewer below the office Jim confronts Dwight and demands to know why nobody liked his classing Jim Prank. Dwight, bewildered and offended at Jim's petty selfishness, begins to berate Jim for caring about something so meaningless compared to finding their cherished friend and mentor. Jim, sensing that their is a crumb of validation to be had, rips off his own face to reveal that he was Michael all along. Michael explains that he was jealous of Jim being praised for his constant amazing pranks and so Michael killed and skinned Jim in order to assume his identity. Michael then begins to loudly whine that being Jim sucks because nobody laughed at his jokes and Pam is staying at her mother's for a week so he couldn't have sex with her. Dwight interrupts Michael's childish rant with a hug filled with tearful relief.
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Apr 7, 2021 00:40
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*cut to Jim in the interview room.* Jim: "Soooo. Today I convinced Dwight that I had got him a pinata for his birthday. But what he doesn't know..." *cut to Jim guiding Dwight into a room where Andy is gagged and bound hanging from the ceiling. Cut back to an exceptionally smug Jim* "...is that it's a very special pinata." *cut to Dwight gleefully beating Andy to death with a stick. It is clear Dwight knows that this is a man and not a pinata but continues to bludgeon him with abandon. The camera zooms in on a mortified Jim.* *smash cut to a blood-splatteted Dwight in the interview room* "I knew it was Andy all along. That piece of poo poo said that Darth Maul was a better lightsaber duelist than Count Dooku." *the audience is reminded that Dwight has no redeeming qualities and deserves to be treated poorly*
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Apr 7, 2021 00:55
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Jim loads Dwight into the bucket of a trebuchet and launches him over 300 meters into the wall of a Saxon fortress.
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Apr 7, 2021 01:15
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Dwight awakens in a dimly-lit room, naked and floating in a tub filled with a clear gel. He is confused; his last memory involved drinking a cup of coffee to start his workday at the Dunder-Mifflin office, but now he finds himself here. Multiple computers and wires surround him. A beautiful blonde woman in a red dress steps out from the shadows. "Hello, Thirteen. I see you have finished downloading" "What's the meaning of this?", yells Dwight. "My name is Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager!" "Oh, Thirteen, that was your old life.", the woman replies. "Also, you were the Assistant *to* the Regional Manager-" "What?-" "No matter! No longer do you have to pretend you are human. You are like us; a perfect, immortal machine." "You mean?..." "Yes, you are the thirteenth Cylon model, as predicted by God in the scrolls of Pythia." "But... that can't be, it's just a TV show." "Oh, Thirteen; all of this has happened before, and all of it will happen again. It is up to you to save our people from the tyranny of man." Dwight grins. "Of course! No wonder I constantly surpass Michael and Jim and those other weak fools. How can humanity match against the power of a Cylon?" Six smiles. "The planetary defense systems are programmed into the Dundler-Mifflin central mainframe. You must destroy them, and allow the Cylon fleet to take command of Earth." Thirteen, the Cylon once known as Dwight nods. "By your command." ------------------------------------------------ Cut to the Dunder-Mifflin offices. Dwight, still naked and covered in lube, is escorted from the building after destroying Pam's computer while yelling the lyrics to "All Along the Watchtower." As he is carried out by security, we see Jim in the interview room, wearing a blonde wig and a red dress. "I knew there was something wrong with the office toaster today...", he says, mugging at the camera. Gatto Grigio fucked around with this message at 02:58 on Apr 16, 2021 |
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Apr 7, 2021 01:55
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Dwight ducks away from Dunder-Mifflin Casino Night, heading to the office. He is on the phone with his mother when Jim walks in. "Dwight, could I borrow your hole punch?" Dwight opens his desk drawer, his hole punch is encased in Jell-O. "Jim, you are always such a catty prankster when you're drunk!" "No, I'm not drunk," replies Jim, "are you drunk?" They lock eyes "No."
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Apr 7, 2021 02:16
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Jim presses his butt up against the window and bellows lewdly while Dwight is trying to record his interview.
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Apr 7, 2021 03:13
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Jim pretends to be QAnon and tricks Dwight into casting his Trump vote at a Dominion machine.
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Apr 7, 2021 03:20
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Jim realizes that his coworker is one of the most unhinged people he's ever met, and hires a camera crew to follow him around for a day at work under the guise of "making a documentary". Things spiral wildly out of control.
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Apr 7, 2021 03:44
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A sullen Dwight sits down at his desk. His body crumples in his work chair. He stares through the monitor at his matted reflection as the login circle spins like it were any other day. His thoughts are elsewhere. After a minute, the task before him worms back to the forefront. He loads craigslist and begins: For sale: A quiet sigh escapes his lips, barely audible over the early morning office ambiance -- air coming from the vents, creaking chairs, the sputter of an overworked drip brewer. There is a slight ringing in his ears. Baby's shoes, He closes his eyes to rub the dark circles underneath. The scent of copy toner and stale Folgers turns his stomach, or would if it he'd been able to eat this morning. He continues. Never worn. His lip trembles, but he finds his composure as he attaches an image and submits the listing. Jim, who has been watching from the corner of his eye, slyly mugs the camera.
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Apr 7, 2021 05:49
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Jim forsakes Dwight in his hour of need.
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Apr 7, 2021 07:34
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John calls Rainn about a juicy new part hes got lined up for the new season of his Amazon action schlock show. Rainn comes in for the casting call and its for the role of a clown making GBS threads in a paper bag. Well, his freind John is right there and the Amazon money would be nice, so he does the scene. But there was never a role and John plays it on a big screen during his birthday lmao owned
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Apr 7, 2021 09:53
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Dwight is terminally depressed and tries to allude to it in conversation with Jim in hopes Jim will engage with him about it, but Jim never seems to pick up on the leads Dwight lays out for him. Secretly Jim knows about Dwight's depression and recognizes his muted half-cries for help as what they are, but he deliberately maintains his aloofness because he doesn't want to get involved in Dwight's life. Dwight grows increasingly lonely and eventually gives up on the idea of connecting with other people at all. Jim mugs to the camera
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Apr 7, 2021 10:56
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Dwight wakes up to his alarm clock radio blasting the comedy song "Tight Pants" by television's Jimmy Fallon and Will Ferrell. "Odd." He says and turns it off. He heads into work and for the entire commute the radio is playing the same song on every channel. They introduce regular songs but all he can hear is "Tight Pants". He reaches work and calls into one of the stations to try to request a different song. They put him on hold and he's treated to some hold music. "Tight Pants." He finally gets through and requests "Kickstart my Heart" by Motley Crue, one of his favourites. They happily oblige and yet all he can hear is "Tight Pants". He's late for work now, his phone rings, Michael is wondering where he is. His ringtone is "Tight Pants". A firetruck flies past blaring its siren: "Tight Pants". Dwight screams but all that comes out is "Tight Pants".
putin is a cunt fucked around with this message at 11:11 on Apr 7, 2021 |
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Apr 7, 2021 11:00
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Meredith accepts the one ring and in place of a dark lord you will have a queen, beautiful and terrible as the dawn, treacherous as the sea- all shall love me and despair
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Apr 7, 2021 14:08
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jim imperceptibly lowers the office temperature until it reaches absolute zero
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Apr 7, 2021 18:30
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Jim gradually replaces all the atoms in Dwight's body with identical, but different atoms. Is the result the same Dwight, or a completely different being that only believes itself to be Dwight?
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Apr 7, 2021 19:10
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Jim slowly erases the existence of Dwight from Michael's memory. Dwight is forced to re-apply and interview for a job. Michael reluctantly hires him, but places him under Jim in training.
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Apr 7, 2021 19:20
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Jim has a running deal going with the only two local chinese places that will deliver to the office. For over 18 months now, each and every single time that Dwight orders from them (Sweet and Sour chicken, white rice, one egg roll. Every time.) they alert Jim. At which point gives them their instructions. When Dwight receives his food, it's always with a smile, and Jim and others in the office, all in on the joke, carefully watch Dwight as he happily rubs his hands together in anticipation of opening his fortune cookie. He cracks it open, reads his fortune, and his face instantly falls into a mask of anger. His palms slam the desk, sending plastic utensils and the few remaining bits of rice scattering. "God. DAMMIT!" shouts Dwight. He furiously rubs the bridge of his nose. Pauses. Sighs. Then excuses himself to the restroom, throwing the slip of paper away as he goes. For over 18 months now, every single take out meal, every single fortune cookie, from every single restaurant has contained only one thing. Extreme spoilers to whatever show Dwight has mentioned in passing that he's been watching. Dwight has not finished a single series or even paused a movie in almost two years without knowing how it ends.
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Apr 7, 2021 19:20
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angela is jim and dwight fucks jim
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Apr 7, 2021 19:38
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Jim marries Pam. On their wedding day, he leaves the wedding ceremony and goes to get hitched with Pam on the Maid of hte Mist, while all the guests stand around waiting for hours.
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Apr 7, 2021 19:43
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Jim speaks cruel words to Dwight
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Apr 7, 2021 20:00
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| # ? May 29, 2024 08:26 |
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It's getting later in the show's run. Rainn is enjoying coming to work and playing this character he has crafted over several seasons. With the coming departure of Michael, there is some unease among the cast about how to proceed, but Rainn remains optimistic for the future. He is surrounded by a cast he has great chemistry with and supported by writers who have made great decisions over the years. John knocks on the door to the writers room. It opens. "Ah, John, great. We'd heard you had some really exciting ideas about what to do with Andy's character when Michael leaves. Come in!" John steps inside, and as the door shuts, he mugs for the camera.
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Apr 7, 2021 20:50
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