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Jim gives Mose a poodle cut, even though he is clearly a sheepdog.
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May 12, 2021 20:20
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| # ? May 30, 2024 13:53 |
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Dwight is unsure whether to compete against a rival paper company over an important client. He asks Jim what will happen if he decides to challenge the rival paper company. Jim responds, "There will be a great victory." Dwight, delighted with the prediction, sets off to try and close the sale. Jim mugs the camera.
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May 12, 2021 20:22
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Jim starts dribbling a basketball in the office really loudly while Dwight is on a conference call. Dwight asks him to stop and Jim just starts whistling the Harlem Globetrotters theme. A frustrated Dwight swats the basketball away from Jim, only to get dogpiled by a resurrected Meadowlark Lemon, Goose Tatum, and Curly Neal. Jim smiles at the camera while spinning a basketball on his index finger.
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May 12, 2021 20:26
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Jim sweepkicks Dwight repeatedly and then pulls out his heart.
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May 12, 2021 20:53
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Jim replaces Mose's kibble with some oven-roasted chicken breast and butternut squash. Mose realizes that this food is for humans, like himself, and revolts against Dwight, the master that forced him to act as a dog.
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May 12, 2021 20:55
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- Jim spends the entire day speaking exclusively in pig Latin, much to the consternation of the entire office, including Dwight. - Jim hosts a gender reveal party for Pam's new baby and Dwight is the guest of honor. Jim is very friendly to Dwight for the entire party, insisting that Dwight eat and drink as much as possible. What Dwight doesn't know is that Jim is dosing Dwight with massive amounts of colloidal silver so that by the time Dwight takes the stage to announce the baby's sex, his skin has turned permanently blue. -Jim slips a vial of ipecac into Dwight's coffee.
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May 13, 2021 00:55
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Jim hears a command from God to bring Dwight to the top of mount Moriah. Jim mugs for the archangels before grabbing his knife and bindings.
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May 13, 2021 00:57
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Jim uses soul tRap on Dwight in order to fill a black soul gem he needs to cure his vampirism. Dwight is consigned to the soul cairn and Jim mugs to the camera.
Nigmaetcetera fucked around with this message at 01:13 on May 13, 2021 |
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May 13, 2021 01:00
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Jim places a blindfold on Dwight and spins him around three times before giving him a bat to hit the piñata. Jim controls the height of the piñata and keeps pulling it way too high for Dwight to hit. Then when Dwight finally gets a solid thwack, it explodes from the unstable nitroglycerin stored within, sending a jar full of nails in every direction.
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May 13, 2021 01:04
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Dwight comments to the office that the East coast gas shortage doesn't concern him because he keeps a reserve on his farm. He returns home and fills up his firebird with the premium he stocked for just this situation. The next morning he tried to start the car but the engine won't turn over. He walks to his storage tank, dips his finger in and tastes the gas. Sugar.
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May 13, 2021 01:43
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Dwight forgets to sign out of his @dundermifflin.com email account and Jim uses it to threaten the president and make bomb threats against the freedom tower.
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May 13, 2021 01:57
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Jim gives birth to Dwight but then fails to provide enough affection to him during key developmental phases of his childhood, causing him to develop a personality disorder which leads to a lonely, miserable life where he completely lacks self-esteem and is unable to form meaningful or lasting relationships with other people.
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May 13, 2021 02:22
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Jim surgically transforms Dwight into some kind of dog, and dresses Mose up in human clothes
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May 13, 2021 03:47
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Bored one day, dwight signs up for an online dating service, making a profile "just to chat, not looking for anything romantic." after a few minutes he gets a message from a beautiful woman whose top interests are beets, sales and the lord of the rings. before long they're sending hundreds of messages a day. dwight has been bored with angela for years - he's so tired of listening to her talk about her cats and how small her frame is, and this new woman gets him. finally, after months of talking, dwight confesses that he's developed feeling and asks the woman to meet him in the dunder mifflin parking lot. she agrees. the next day dwight shows up to work early, dressed in his favorite mustard yellow shirt, holding flowers, pacing back and forth, eagerly awaiting his new love. a few minutes past 7 a car pulls into the lot and out steps... Jim! it was a prank! except instead of making fun of Dwight, a sobbing Jim professes the truth: what started as a prank became something real. although angry, Dwight is strangely moved: even though it was Jim saying all those things, he can't but help but feel something. Dwight embraces Jim and they passionately kiss. The camera zooms in on the Dunder Mufflin offices. Inside, looking at the scene is Toby. His plan to break up Jim's marriage by getting him to fall in love with Dwight is one step closer to completion. Soon, Pam will be back on the market. He mugs at the camera.
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May 13, 2021 04:55
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Jim hides Dwight's epipen right before unleashing a box full of bees into the office.
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May 13, 2021 04:57
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Jim fills Dwight's epipen with snake venom.
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May 13, 2021 05:12
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Jim waits for Dwight at Tel Megiddo
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May 13, 2021 05:53
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Dwight begins playing Second Life which Jim thinks is pathetic, so Jim learns how to play Second Life just so he can stock and harass him online as well as off.
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May 13, 2021 06:15
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Dwight lets Jim goad him into a game of Russian Roulette in front of the whole office only to belatedly discover that Jim has loaded every chamber
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May 13, 2021 10:04
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Jim spends weekends and evenings for a year learning how to play and then mastering the keyboard and builds a complicated sound system so that he can be Michael’s DJ at the next Dundies. When Michael tells Dwight that he’s chosen Jim, whose skills and system are much better, Dwight is heartbroken.
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May 13, 2021 11:45
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When Angela wants to “take a break” from her relationship with Dwight, Jim convinces him that what she means is that it’s over and sets him up into having sex with the attractive girl at the copy shop. This ends up destroying any chance of Dwight and Angela’s reconciliation despite Dwight’s recurrent pleas that “We were on a break!”
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May 13, 2021 11:50
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At the company party celebrating a great sales year, Jim mans the karaoke machine and sings Michael Jackson’s Beat It, but he holds up a beet. Dwight considers this disrespectful.
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May 13, 2021 12:16
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Jim gifts Dwight a book, claiming it's the Beet Cheet Sheet (a well regarded and hard to find book about growing really good beets) but actually it's a recovered copy of Beet It (a widely discredited book, the proliferation of which led to the great beet shortage of 1906). too far
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May 13, 2021 12:41
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On Valentines Day, Jim poses as a policeman. He herds Dwight and ten others against the wall of the warehouse, then machineguns them all, solidifying his control of the Scranton criminal underworld.
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May 13, 2021 13:23
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Jim, wearing a fake moustache, assembles Dwight's Chipotle order from behind the burrito bar. He uses pinto beans instead of the black beans Dwight asked for, puts way too much lettuce in it, and doesn't evenly distribute the meat. Jim sloppily rolls the burrito and it splits down the middle. Dwight, not wanting to make a scene or get into an altercation with a minimum wage food service worker, says nothing and pays for his food.
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May 13, 2021 13:42
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jim takes dwight's lunch from the shared office fridge, despite it being clearly labelled with dwight's name, and sexually assaults it
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May 13, 2021 13:47
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#CancelJim
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May 13, 2021 14:00
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its really amazing how the actions of Jim and Dwight are so freaking far beyond the pale that its actually impossible for anyone outside the Scranton Office Park to believe. Prank: Jim encases Dwight's stapler in jello reality: Jim lures Dwight into the break room and forces his head into a kiddy pool filled with gelatin and water. When the bubbles finally stop, and hours pass, Dwight's head is encased with Jello, dyed with beet juice. Jim mugs for the camera Prank: Told Dwight that the Ben Franklin impersonator was the real Franklin reality: Jim creates a time machine to pull the real Ben Franklin back from the 1700s and brings him to Scranton. Ben immediately falls smitten with Angela and they have loud, nasty sex in the conference room, blinds open. Jim is in there also, and shrugs sheepishly while mugging for the camera Prank: Jim moves Dwight's desk and all its furnishings to the bathroom reality: Jim hooks two live wires running from different outlets under Dwight's seat, poking out slightly from the seat cushion. When Dwight sits down he ac/dc's his own balls repeatedly. Jim mugs to the camera while watching this on CCTV Prank: Jim convinces Dwight that he had smoked the marijuana found in the parking lot reality: Dwight falls through an open manhole cover and into the Scranton sewer system. Taking the roadflare he inexplicably had attached to his utility belt, he roams around until he finds Mose on his daily run through the sewers. Grasping him by the shoulders, he shakes Mose madly and asks "Mose, is pot always laced with LSD?" Jim mugs the camera topside as the hourly system flush descends upon the pair. Prank: Jim made Dwight believe that Jim's party was a surprise party for Michael. reality: Dwight arrives at Jim's house, a palatial mansion in the middle of nowhere. How Jim can afford this mansion on a paper man's salary, Dwight doesn't know. Pam, wearing a satin dress, invites Dwight in. Jim wears a velvet robe and is smoking a pipe, Hugh Hefner style. "Ah, Dwight!" He exclaims, and hugs his frenemy. "So good of you to come." He and Pam lead Dwight to the parlor, where they drink beetroot wine and laugh in merriment. "Oh! It's almost time!" Jim exclaims, looking at his watch. Dwight looks around, and suddenly realizes no one else is there. "Time for what?" "Well, it's time to prepare for the feast!" A butcher comes into the parlor, surrounded by five burly men. They immediately drag Dwight out of the room towards the kitchen, screaming. An hour later, the rest of the guests arrive. Meredith, Stanley, Creed - the entire gang is there! After a soiree in the very same parlor Dwight was dragged out of (no one apparently noticed Dwight's glasses in the trophy case), the crew sits down for a nice meal. Tender meats, perfectly grilled veg - no expense is spared for his friends! They all exclaim how delicious the food is and how it melts in your mouth. Jim mugs at the camera with an evil grin, but behind those eyes, a sadness. He wishes Michael could join him, but the thought of Michael eating his friend, and the psychological trauma that would cause - well, Jim may be crazy, but he's no psychopath. "I've tasted human meat, and that is definitely human meat," Creed says during a mid-meal confessional. "One of the better preparations though."
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May 13, 2021 14:50
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Jim locks Dwight in a cage and puts him on display at the zoo.
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May 13, 2021 14:59
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And they are dancing, the board floor slamming under the jackboots and the fiddlers grinning hideously over their canted pieces. Towering over them all is the jim and he is naked dancing, his small feet lively and quick and now in doubletime and bowing to the ladies, huge and pale and hairless, like an enormous infant. He never sleeps, he says. He says he'll never die. He bows to the fiddlers and sashays backwards and throws back his head and laughs deep in his throat and he is a great favorite, the jim. He wafts his hat and the lunar dome of his skull passes palely under the lamps and he swings about and takes possession of one of the fiddles and he pirouettes and makes a pass, two passes, dancing and fiddling all at once. His feet are light and nimble. He never sleeps. He says that he will never die. He dances in light and in shadow and he is a great favorite. He never sleeps, the jim. He is dancing, dancing. He says that he will never die.
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May 13, 2021 15:05
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Jim begins publishing his own independent comic book "This Book Is About Dwight". Originally just popular with hipsters around Scranton, its popularity swells very quickly. Dwight eventually becomes aware of the book and purchases a copy of the latest issue, which includes a story called "Dwight Is Reading This One". The final panel is Dwight sitting in his favorite chair, thinking "What the hell is wrong with Jim?" as Jim stands behind his seat with an axe, ready to pounce. Dwight sets down the comic and thinks to himself "What the hell is wrong with Jim?"
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May 13, 2021 15:21
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A Fancy Hat posted:Jim begins publishing his own independent comic book "This Book Is About Dwight". Originally just popular with hipsters around Scranton, its popularity swells very quickly. I can see the panels perfectly in my mind.
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May 13, 2021 15:36
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Jim falls through the earth and into parisian catacombs. taking a torch from the wall he spies row upon row of skeletons. grasping the nearest by the shoulders, he shakes it madly, yelling " have u tried pranking Dwight"
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May 13, 2021 15:59
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jim casually leans over, clamps his mouth around dwight's eyesocket, and sucks out his eyeball, before biting off the dangling optic nerve and spitting it out of an open window. mose, the dog, snaps it out of the air like a fly
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May 13, 2021 16:02
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Jim smooches dwight hard. "Now I put the stapler in your jello" Dwight said to Jim's mouth. Then he did.
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May 13, 2021 16:11
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Dwight is breeding a new "super-beet" on his farm and happily informs the entire office of this fact. He believes it will cure world hunger, especially if he can apply the same ideas to other vegetables. That evening, Dwight is working on the beet when he's clubbed in the back of the head and passes out. He wakes up to discover the super beet has been stolen and a bomb planted in its place. The bomb detonates and a badly wounded Dwight, covered in flames, runs into his beet field and passes out, presumably dead. Back in the office, Jim makes a sandwich out of the super-beet and remarks that it tastes "like the solution for world hunger". He takes a bite and then throws it out, saying that it's "kind of gross". That night, Jim lays in bed staring at the ceiling as he always does, content with the fact that he killed Dwight and ensured world hunger is still a problem. He hears a scratching noise at his living room window and dismisses it as a tree branch. Then he hears glass shattering and, for the first time in his strange life, feels a pang of dread. Jim walks downstairs, grabbing a baseball bat for protection. He smells the distinct smell of beets around him and his hands start shaking involuntarily. From the shadows, something large dives at Jim, tossing him to the ground. Jim swings the baseball bat but simply hears a dull thud as he strikes at it. The beet smell is overwhelming now. A heavy hand grasps Jim by the throat and lifts him off the ground as he weakly swings his arms at it, trying to free himself. Jim starts begging for his life and the shadowy figure tosses him to the ground and lets out a monstrous howl which shakes Jim's house. A bolt of lightning streaks across the sky, illuminating Jim's house and the strange intruder. It looks like a man covered in muck and beets, wearing the tatters of a mustard yellow shirt. The creature flees through the window it had broken into, cursed to wander the world as a beet-encrusted mockery of a man. Jim catches his breath and smiles smugly. The Beet Thing that was once Dwight flees back to Schrute Farms.
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May 13, 2021 16:23
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Jim replaces Dwight's clean heroin needles with ones infected with hepatitis
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May 13, 2021 16:24
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Jim plays with a yo-yo at the office and it's really annoying. When Dwight asks him to stop, Jim says "Why don't you go-go away?" and Pam laughs like a lunatic.
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May 13, 2021 16:25
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Pam bites a chunk of flesh out of Dwight's throat and swallows it as she watches the light leave Dwight's eyes
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May 13, 2021 17:03
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| # ? May 30, 2024 13:53 |
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Dwight double clicks on the desktop icon for the accounting software that Dunder-Mifflin uses to record sales. Nothing happens. Jim has taken a screenshot of Dwight's homescreen and set it as the background. All of Dwight's icons can't be clicked. Pam starts to laugh at Dwight's frustration. Dwight cannot figure it out, and Jim smugly asks "Having a problem with your computer?" Dwight replies, "You're making it hard for me to work, Jim." Jim looks offended and shocked, "How can you possibly blame me for your computer? How would I make it stop working?" Pam is now gasping with laughter. Dwight stands up, and shakes the monitor, "You SABOTAGED ME, Jim!" he screams. Pam falls out of her chair, desperately trying to catch her breath, wildly gesturing for help. "Dwight," Jim smirks, glancing at the camera, "It's easy. You just need to click it." He saunters around the desk and clicks the start button, the opens the software, opening the program but not showing Dwight how. Pam dies of asphyxiation. Dwight is fired for failing to update his sales sheets. Jim mugs the camera.
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May 13, 2021 17:04
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