ITT, post funny football shit you suddenly remember

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > ITT, post funny football shit you suddenly remember

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CyberPingu: Sep 15, 2013; If you're not striving to improve, you'll end up going backwards.

Eric Cantonese posted:

You blocked out 2012?

Dunno what you are on about. There was no winner in 2012, it was cancelled.

CyberPingu fucked around with this message at 17:01 on May 22, 2021

# ? May 22, 2021 16:55

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# ? May 28, 2024 20:56

vyelkin: Jan 2, 2011

Extremely funny that Di Matteo won Chelsea the CL and they were so confused by it that they gave him a long-term contract and then sacked him immediately.

# ? May 22, 2021 17:37

CyberPingu: Sep 15, 2013; If you're not striving to improve, you'll end up going backwards.

vyelkin posted:

Extremely funny that Di Matteo won Chelsea the CL and they were so confused by it that they gave him a long-term contract and then sacked him immediately.

CyberPingu posted:

Dunno what you are on about. There was no winner in 2012, it was cancelled.

# ? May 22, 2021 17:44

FullLeatherJacket: Dec 30, 2004; Chiunque pu� essere Luther Blissett, semplicemente adottando il nome Luther Blissett

vyelkin posted:

Extremely funny that Di Matteo won Chelsea the CL and they were so confused by it that they gave him a long-term contract and then sacked him immediately.

he got sacked three months into the following season and then winston bogarded it for two full years sitting at home getting paid his full �7m-a-year contract rather than taking a partial payoff from chelsea

:discourse:

# ? May 22, 2021 17:58

sticksy: May 26, 2004; Nap Ghost

The time a guy submitted his CV based upon FM wins to an managerial opening at Middlesborough and got an official response back from the club chairman:

an absolute legend posted:

Dear Mr Gibson

I am writing with regard to the current managerial vacancy at Middlesbrough Football Club. I would be extremely grateful if you could consider my CV in your search for the new manager. I really feel that this is an ideal job for me given my enthusiasm for football along with my related experience and qualifications.

I have both the technical and practical experience of managing a football club. The tactical side of football has always been very important to me, which is demonstrated through my success on the game Football Manager 2005. I have managed clubs including Nuneaton Borough, Chievo Verona, Kalmar FF, Doncaster and even Chelsea. Although my experience at Chievo was not a particularly positive one and led to my sacking (I�m sure you saw the headlines), I feel that I have brought success to all of the other clubs I have managed (including taking Nuneaton Borough to the Championship North in eight seasons and winning the Swedish League with Kalmar FF). My Football Manager 2005 experience has included league, cup and European experience and has allowed me to become an expert in work permits, scouting, tactics and man management.

As you can see from my attached CV, I�ve taken the opportunity to gain extra qualifications away from football including gaining a degree in geography and archaeology which I�m sure will provide many transferable skills that will assist me in running a football club. I hear Mark Viduka has a significant and considerable interest in 12th century Egyptian pottery which would be an excellent bonding point for the two of us if I were to be successful.

Away from Football Manager 2005 I have hands-on managerial experience with the Nuneaton and Bedworth St. Paul�s Under-11s football team. Under my guidance we beat off competition from 15 other clubs to win the 1999 Nuneaton and Bedworth Summer Playscheme cup (we won the final 5-4 on penalties against the host team, Nuneaton College Site. I�m sure you�ve seen this game repeated many times on Sky. Andy Grey has called this game a �classic� on more than one occasion.

Relocation for the role is not a problem. I work with a guy from Middlesbrough and he says nothing but good things about the people and the place, so I�m sure my girlfriend and I would be able to settle down nicely in the area.

The real benefit for you in appointing me to this role would be my salary expectations. I�d be willing to start for around �80,000 per year which, let�s face it, is very reasonable considering some of the salaries in the world of football.

***
Career Highlights

Signing Thierry Henry, Raul and Fernando Torres as the three main strikers at Doncaster.

Taking Rushden and Diamonds to the Champions League final (unfortunately we lost to Ajax in extra time). The Rushden and Diamonds team that day included Zinidine Zidane and Ronaldinho, who are two players I�m sure the small Northamptonshire club never expected to see running out for them.

Taking charge of Nuneaton Borough (my home town club) and taking them from the Conference North to the Championship in eight years.

The official response:

Middlesborough Chairman Steve Gibson posted:

Dear John

Many thanks for your recent application for the Managerial position at Middlesbrough Football Club.

You were of course the outstanding candidate but after careful consideration we decided against your appointment. Quite frankly we were of the opinion that your tenure with us would have been short lived, as your undoubted talent would result in one of the big European Clubs seeking your services.

We consider it a sign of our progress that someone of your status could consider us.

http://www.commonside.eclipse.co.uk/job/managers%20job.htm

# ? May 22, 2021 20:10

Strawman: Feb 9, 2008; Tortuga means turtle, and that's me. I take my time but I always win.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYwf2SBWa5o

# ? May 25, 2021 13:09

Angry Lobster: May 16, 2011; Served with honor
and some clarified butter.

sticksy posted:

The time a guy submitted his CV based upon FM wins to an managerial opening at Middlesborough and got an official response back from the club chairman:

The official response:

http://www.commonside.eclipse.co.uk/job/managers%20job.htm

I'm in awe at this absolute unit of a man, respect.

# ? May 25, 2021 14:53

bees everywhere: Nov 19, 2002

Wasn't there a guy in Turkey who tried the same thing and actually got hired?

# ? May 25, 2021 15:08

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

# ? May 25, 2021 20:50

FullLeatherJacket: Dec 30, 2004; Chiunque pu� essere Luther Blissett, semplicemente adottando il nome Luther Blissett

the time that the Telegraph, a supposedly respectable newspaper for adults to read and learn about why changing anything would be wrong, sent a roving reporter to do live text reporting of Jurgen Klopp's press conference after announcing that he'd leave Borussia Dortmund

they did not check with him before he left if he spoke any German he did not

https://twitter.com/jessicaelgot/status/588323104268615680

# ? May 26, 2021 01:45

Bobby Digital: Sep 4, 2009

# ? May 26, 2021 02:33

fat gay nonce: May 13, 2003; _{actual penis length: |-----------|}

Winner, PWM POTM January

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJiehceTvRs

The time Alan Pardew said a rape had occurred on match of the day 2 and the BBC inexplicably decided to show it and it involved Ched Evans???????????

fat gay nonce fucked around with this message at 09:28 on May 26, 2021

# ? May 26, 2021 09:26

Mickolution: Oct 1, 2005; Ballers...I put numbers on the boards

Souness did the same thing on Irish TV during the 2010 World Cup
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsNvbpSMujg

# ? May 26, 2021 09:49

szary: Mar 12, 2014

When someone flew a drone with the Albanian flag over the pitch during a Serbia - Albania game and it triggered a full-scale riot

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDs5mwNRY7U

# ? May 26, 2021 10:20

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

https://twitter.com/lukeisamazing/status/1397515765272743936?s=19

# ? May 26, 2021 12:32

blue footed boobie: Sep 14, 2012; UEFA SUPREMACY

With the recent ESL news I have suddenly remembered that Barca, Real, and Juve are inexplicably still in the ESL.

# ? May 26, 2021 20:05

Moktaro: Aug 3, 2007; I value call my nuts.

Bundy posted:

spoiler that oval office rag

Also can't bring up the 2010 group and not mention the fuckin party the US had over that 1-1

USA WINS 1-1

Bit late to this party but lol, that was just the New York Post doing New York Posting.

Also:

sticksy posted:

Steven Ireland

More seriously though, Peter Crouch and his Crouchiness was one of the best things about the start of my following QPR. Soon followed by Ian Holloway comparing a match result to getting laid.

# ? May 30, 2021 01:51

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Bundy posted:

Also can't bring up the 2010 group and not mention the fuckin party the US had over that 1-1

USA WINS 1-1

Moktaro posted:

Bit late to this party but lol, that was just the New York Post doing New York Posting.

People tend to forget that the NY Post is owned by Rupert Murdoch and is a barely-more-serious American version of The Sun.

# ? May 30, 2021 03:07

Jean-Paul Shartre: Jan 16, 2015; this sentence no verb

I just remembered that time that Pep forgot to start a defensive midfielder in a champions league final.

# ? May 30, 2021 03:55

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

JohnCompany posted:

I just remembered that time that Pep forgot to start a defensive midfielder in a champions league final.

Which is making me remember that time Pep got wound up so bad by Caleb Porter in an exhibition game against the MLS All Stars that he walked away in a huff from the post-game handshake while refusing to acknowledge the opposing manager.

# ? May 30, 2021 04:47

abuse culture.: Sep 8, 2004

https://youtu.be/MlWS3t2Y28A

# ? May 30, 2021 06:10

blue footed boobie: Sep 14, 2012; UEFA SUPREMACY

abuse culture. posted:

https://youtu.be/MlWS3t2Y28A

This rules.

# ? May 30, 2021 06:40

the sex ghost: Sep 6, 2009

Evrachat in the champions league thread reminded me of him not shaking Suarez's hand and the TV commentators doing unironic regency gasps of astonishment at the lack of decorum

# ? May 30, 2021 16:08

HappyCamperGL: May 18, 2014

I remember when Evra licked a raw chicken.

# ? May 30, 2021 16:20

FullLeatherJacket: Dec 30, 2004; Chiunque pu� essere Luther Blissett, semplicemente adottando il nome Luther Blissett

the sex ghost posted:

Evrachat in the champions league thread reminded me of him not shaking Suarez's hand and the TV commentators doing unironic regency gasps of astonishment at the lack of decorum

you're remembering it backwards

suarez refused to shake evra's hand for dobbing him in for being a big racist

then united won 2-1 and he did some expert trolling

look at phil dowd running over as fast as his little legs will carry him

# ? May 30, 2021 17:05

A Buffer Gay Dude: Oct 25, 2020

Bundy posted:

spoiler that oval office rag

Also can't bring up the 2010 group and not mention the fuckin party the US had over that 1-1

USA WINS 1-1

It�s actually v funny how mad this makes the English, thanks rob green

Also I don�t think England has ever beaten the US in meaningful international play lmao

# ? May 31, 2021 15:57

CyberPingu: Sep 15, 2013; If you're not striving to improve, you'll end up going backwards.

A Buffer Gay Dude posted:

It�s actually v funny how mad this makes the English, thanks rob green

Also I don�t think England has ever beaten the US in meaningful international play lmao

Clears throat...

Do they get a trophy for that?

# ? May 31, 2021 16:29

the sex ghost: Sep 6, 2009

Does anyone have the USMNT thing for a world cup (2006?) where theyre all cartoons and they look like the Hurricanes and the tagline is something like 'Generation Next' but its Freddy Adu and loving idk Bocanegra or whoever. Fairly sure it was an official sponsor thing and not a fan art

# ? May 31, 2021 18:10

FullLeatherJacket: Dec 30, 2004; Chiunque pu� essere Luther Blissett, semplicemente adottando il nome Luther Blissett

Remembering the time that Chelsea hired Gianluca Vialli, and also a translator for Gianluca Vialli, who didn't actually speak any Italian and so just made up what he thought he was saying

Also nobody noticed until he did TV interviews and some Italians wrote in

# ? Jun 1, 2021 01:46

FullLeatherJacket: Dec 30, 2004; Chiunque pu� essere Luther Blissett, semplicemente adottando il nome Luther Blissett

Also the time that Tim Lovejoy asked for Hoover Dam's number on his short-lived primetime MLS highlights show, and then got sent it by goons

Also that Tim Lovejoy had a short-lived primetime MLS highlights show

# ? Jun 1, 2021 01:49

blue footed boobie: Sep 14, 2012; UEFA SUPREMACY

Samir Nasir got a recreational IV through a pseudo medical outfit and banged the chick who gave him the IV, at which point his girlfriend hacked his Twitter account and laid all of his bullshit out, resulting in him getting an 18 month ban and having his career flushed even further down the toilet.

# ? Jun 2, 2021 05:16

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

blue footed boobie posted:

Samir Nasir got a recreational IV through a pseudo medical outfit and banged the chick who gave him the IV, at which point his girlfriend hacked his Twitter account and laid all of his bullshit out, resulting in him getting an 18 month ban and having his career flushed even further down the toilet.

Is that also the source of the "Pep is bald," catchphrase?

https://imgur.com/a/kD9ug

I think it is.

# ? Jun 2, 2021 13:33

fat gay nonce: May 13, 2003; _{actual penis length: |-----------|}

Winner, PWM POTM January

Eric Cantonese posted:

Is that also the source of the "Pep is bald," catchphrase?

https://imgur.com/a/kD9ug

I think it is.

# ? Jun 2, 2021 13:59

the sex ghost: Sep 6, 2009

I think the source of the 'pep is bald' catchphrase is pep being bald as gently caress. I mean he's real bald

# ? Jun 2, 2021 14:03

frankenfreak: Feb 16, 2007; I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade

Why is he so bald?

# ? Jun 2, 2021 15:36

vyelkin: Jan 2, 2011

frankenfreak posted:

Why is he so bald?

Steroids, OP

# ? Jun 2, 2021 16:16

c0burn: Sep 2, 2003; The KKKing

blue footed boobie posted:

Samir Nasir got a recreational IV through a pseudo medical outfit and banged the chick who gave him the IV, at which point his girlfriend hacked his Twitter account and laid all of his bullshit out, resulting in him getting an 18 month ban and having his career flushed even further down the toilet.

This is my favourite

# ? Jun 2, 2021 16:18