[NBA] Congratulations to 2-time MVP and Finals MVP Nikola Jokic on winning his first championship

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > [NBA] Congratulations to 2-time MVP and Finals MVP Nikola Jokic on winning his first championship

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AnimeIsTrash: Jun 30, 2018

https://streamable.com/in8py3

# ? May 25, 2021 19:27

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# ? May 24, 2024 16:35

Yossarian-22: Oct 26, 2014

Telluric Whistler posted:

When one examines the starting lineup of the Utah Jazz you will need to look into the forbidden realm of stats and numbers.

Bojan Bogdanovic? 45% of 2P assisted and 90% of 3P. He is not a player as much as a manifestation of a greater set of forces (passing, assists, ball movement, energy) - how else could a player on a basketball court score buckets without generating other boxscore stats? He is anomalous! A being outside the physical realms, but clearly effecting it.

Here you will see that Donovan Mitchell is assisted on 15% of 2P and <50% of 3P. Jordan Clarkson? The same. He is the dark mirror of The Spidah. As a dark mirror we see him inextricably linked to The Spidah, a fellow who "starts" the game. A "Man of the 5" as opposed to the "Sixth Man". However, a shadow and a reflection must follow the body everywhere, it is what anchors us within the material. Jordan Clarkson is a starter, as he exists in a constant state of superposition with Donovan Mitchell. But he is also a Sixth Man.

Now we reach Joe Jingles Jinglish Ingles - a man who sits between worlds, he is emergent rather than anomalous. A shot creator, a distributor, a point guard, a forward, a shooter, a playmaker. On the boxscore, he is a starter of many games, and yes he is nominally - in a physical sense only - a "starter". However, he is a man without a position both on the court and in the material world we inhabit, existing in all places at once. We can, at a later time, investigate what we can define his position as (please refer to your readings on Gnosticism) but we can unequivocally state that he is not a "Man" by the standard definition. But I would assume C-SPAM posters are familiar with numerology and the NBA and know that the Sixth Man is defined by his absence at the start of the game (universe) and with Jingles existing in all places at once we must assume that he has some degree of 6th dimensional traversal and thus also can exist at all times (or not exist as is his wont). Thus he is a Sixth Man.

But who, then, is the "Fifth Man" or "Last Starter" who is necessary and present at the genesis of the world-life cycle that is an NBA game? Who provides the last ingredient and spark to create our universe for the Jazz if indeed Jordan Clarkson and Jinglish are Sixth Men who come after the fall and the first logging of the sinful boxscore numbers?

Look into his eyes and see the endless expanse of the moments before - the hours of tape review, practice, gameplanning, cocaine... Quinn Snyder is both the Monad and the Demiurge - the players His Emanations and thus part of His being. Look upon your Fifth Man, and know that there are two Sixth Men.

lol

or it's just royce o'neale

# ? May 25, 2021 19:44

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

Telluric Whistler posted:

When one examines the starting lineup of the Utah Jazz you will need to look into the forbidden realm of stats and numbers.

Bojan Bogdanovic? 45% of 2P assisted and 90% of 3P. He is not a player as much as a manifestation of a greater set of forces (passing, assists, ball movement, energy) - how else could a player on a basketball court score buckets without generating other boxscore stats? He is anomalous! A being outside the physical realms, but clearly effecting it.

Here you will see that Donovan Mitchell is assisted on 15% of 2P and <50% of 3P. Jordan Clarkson? The same. He is the dark mirror of The Spidah. As a dark mirror we see him inextricably linked to The Spidah, a fellow who "starts" the game. A "Man of the 5" as opposed to the "Sixth Man". However, a shadow and a reflection must follow the body everywhere, it is what anchors us within the material. Jordan Clarkson is a starter, as he exists in a constant state of superposition with Donovan Mitchell. But he is also a Sixth Man.

Now we reach Joe Jingles Jinglish Ingles - a man who sits between worlds, he is emergent rather than anomalous. A shot creator, a distributor, a point guard, a forward, a shooter, a playmaker. On the boxscore, he is a starter of many games, and yes he is nominally - in a physical sense only - a "starter". However, he is a man without a position both on the court and in the material world we inhabit, existing in all places at once. We can, at a later time, investigate what we can define his position as (please refer to your readings on Gnosticism) but we can unequivocally state that he is not a "Man" by the standard definition. But I would assume C-SPAM posters are familiar with numerology and the NBA and know that the Sixth Man is defined by his absence at the start of the game (universe) and with Jingles existing in all places at once we must assume that he has some degree of 6th dimensional traversal and thus also can exist at all times (or not exist as is his wont). Thus he is a Sixth Man.

But who, then, is the "Fifth Man" or "Last Starter" who is necessary and present at the genesis of the world-life cycle that is an NBA game? Who provides the last ingredient and spark to create our universe for the Jazz if indeed Jordan Clarkson and Jinglish are Sixth Men who come after the fall and the first logging of the sinful boxscore numbers?

Look into his eyes and see the endless expanse of the moments before - the hours of tape review, practice, gameplanning, cocaine... Quinn Snyder is both the Monad and the Demiurge - the players His Emanations and thus part of His being. Look upon your Fifth Man, and know that there are two Sixth Men.

they better not lose in the first round or the stats boys will take a serious blow

# ? May 25, 2021 19:46

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

i just saw my jokic avatar lol

hes good so thats nice

# ? May 25, 2021 19:48

indigi: Jul 20, 2004; Can't post for 3 hours!

euph did you see Army of the Dead

# ? May 26, 2021 00:49

Vox Nihili: May 28, 2008

gently caress the Lakers

# ? May 26, 2021 00:50

AnimeIsTrash: Jun 30, 2018

Still laughing at the warriors bombing out.

# ? May 26, 2021 00:59

indigi: Jul 20, 2004; Can't post for 3 hours!

AnimeIsTrash posted:

Still laughing at the warriors bombing out.

it rules

# ? May 26, 2021 01:02

Judakel: Jul 29, 2004; Can't post for 9 years!

AnimeIsTrash posted:

Still laughing at the warriors bombing out.

they'll be back and dominate.

# ? May 26, 2021 01:26

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

indigi posted:

euph did you see Army of the Dead

I want to is it on streaming ?

# ? May 26, 2021 01:29

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

don�t think this is the Celtics year

# ? May 26, 2021 01:30

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

https://twitter.com/jelynchjr/status/1396989454271881221?s=21

Six months old

Lol

# ? May 26, 2021 01:40

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

big blow for Boston�s chances

https://twitter.com/thesteinline/status/1397362048703602690?s=21

# ? May 26, 2021 02:21

indigi: Jul 20, 2004; Can't post for 3 hours!

euphronius posted:

I want to is it on streaming ?

I think so

# ? May 26, 2021 02:24

Vox Nihili: May 28, 2008

The Nets' fourth option is the best catch and shoot three guy in the league apparently (???)

Hardly seems fair???

# ? May 26, 2021 02:27

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

Vox Nihili posted:

The Nets' fourth option is the best catch and shoot three guy in the league apparently (???)

Hardly seems fair???

the warriors won a few titles like that yeah

it�s a good set up

# ? May 26, 2021 02:28

indigi: Jul 20, 2004; Can't post for 3 hours!

I would give anything (up to an equivalent value of $225) for the Celtics to knock out the Nets

# ? May 26, 2021 02:36

Yossarian-22: Oct 26, 2014

kawhi just casually a complete monster

# ? May 26, 2021 04:54

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

what is he doing

I watched The Leftovers

# ? May 26, 2021 04:56

Yossarian-22: Oct 26, 2014

best hbo show of the past 5 years imo that one

kawhi has 30 points on 10-14 and 2 steals/assists/rebounds at half

# ? May 26, 2021 04:59

Yossarian-22: Oct 26, 2014

luka not loving human

# ? May 26, 2021 05:25

Yossarian-22: Oct 26, 2014

leonard so casual he just casually put up 41 points on crazy efficiency but it didn't matter because the clippers are a cursed franchise. down 2-0 at home after they literally tanked to play dallas

# ? May 26, 2021 06:24

Vox Nihili: May 28, 2008

Anthony "Big Whistle" Davis again redefined the matchup today by pouring in 34 points with ONLY 21 free throw attempts. Ayton once again received 0, despite visibly being fouled at the rim several times. Unfortunately, that's what happens when you don't fall to the ground and writhe like a Spanish soccer player every time you get contact.

# ? May 26, 2021 06:26

indigi: Jul 20, 2004; Can't post for 3 hours!

Leftovers is the third best HBO show imo. maybe tied for 2

# ? May 26, 2021 06:30

indigi: Jul 20, 2004; Can't post for 3 hours!

it�s funny that the Clippers asked Kawhi who he wanted to help him sail the ship and he chose an anchor

# ? May 26, 2021 06:31

Yossarian-22: Oct 26, 2014

for some reason ayton has never attempted more than 2 free throws per game in a season over his three year career whereas davis averages 6-8 routinely. i guess he's unusually bad at "drawing contact" or something? needs to take acting lessons like the rest of the league

# ? May 26, 2021 06:31

Vox Nihili: May 28, 2008

Yossarian-22 posted:

for some reason ayton has never attempted more than 2 free throws per game in a season over his three year career whereas davis averages 6-8 routinely. i guess he's unusually bad at "drawing contact" or something? needs to take acting lessons like the rest of the league

He doesn't seem to do the "yank your head back and scream AUGHHH" thing at all. As stupid as it is I think it probably costs him a lot of points.

# ? May 26, 2021 06:37

indigi: Jul 20, 2004; Can't post for 3 hours!

big strong guys get less calls cause refs are just like �they�re big they�re fine.� gotta put some effort into selling contact

# ? May 26, 2021 06:40

Yossarian-22: Oct 26, 2014

indigi posted:

big strong guys get less calls cause refs are just like “they’re big they’re fine.” gotta put some effort into selling contact

embiid attempts 10+ per game. unusual in that he actually makes 85% of them whereas for past bigs (and presently giannis and zion) who were hacked a lot it was specifically because they were so bad at the line

# ? May 26, 2021 07:27

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

I don�t know what is wrong with the clippers

Dallas isn�t that good

# ? May 26, 2021 11:23

Asproigerosis: Mar 13, 2013; insufferable

Anyone remember the bulls?

# ? May 26, 2021 12:43

Dreylad: Jun 19, 2001

Yossarian-22 posted:

leonard so casual he just casually put up 41 points on crazy efficiency but it didn't matter because the clippers are a cursed franchise. down 2-0 at home after they literally tanked to play dallas

it was a true Coward's Tank, and they deserve getting trounced by bobby yaga

# ? May 26, 2021 21:18

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

Philadelphia secentu sixers

# ? May 26, 2021 23:00

Vox Nihili: May 28, 2008

Asproigerosis posted:

Anyone remember the bulls?

IIRC they disbanded after MJ retired

# ? May 26, 2021 23:02

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

there was a Jimmy butler period but he�s gone

# ? May 27, 2021 00:05

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

pat croce sighting !!

# ? May 27, 2021 00:10

indigi: Jul 20, 2004; Can't post for 3 hours!

been seemens

# ? May 27, 2021 01:44

Stevie Lee: Oct 8, 2007

wizards bad

# ? May 27, 2021 01:55

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

yeah I love Beal tho

he�s so good

# ? May 27, 2021 01:55

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# ? May 24, 2024 16:35

indigi: Jul 20, 2004; Can't post for 3 hours!

I like Beal and I like Westbrook even though he isn�t valuable. very fun to watch usually

# ? May 27, 2021 02:00

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > [NBA] Congratulations to 2-time MVP and Finals MVP Nikola Jokic on winning his first championship

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