Idiots Thread - From the Balls of Montezuma - The Something Awful Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > Idiots Thread - From the Balls of Montezuma

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Carth Dookie posted:

I think the Soviet equivalent is the book "the dead hand" but I can't say how much of it is Soviet political and how much is conscript hijinks

I'm slowly working my way through it. Lots about their chemical and biological weapons. Big outbreak that was kept very hush hush

# ? May 29, 2021 12:27

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 00:31

Carth Dookie: Jan 28, 2013

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

I'm slowly working my way through it. Lots about their chemical and biological weapons. Big outbreak that was kept very hush hush

Is that where they poisoned that island for basically all eternity or am I getting that confused with the town next to the heavy metal mine?

# ? May 29, 2021 15:02

Icon Of Sin: Dec 26, 2008

Carth Dookie posted:

Is that where they poisoned that island for basically all eternity or am I getting that confused with the town next to the heavy metal mine?

Are either of these Stalin�s cannibal island, or is there a fresh new wave of horror that I�m about to discover? :stonklol:

# ? May 29, 2021 15:14

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Carth Dookie posted:

Is that where they poisoned that island for basically all eternity or am I getting that confused with the town next to the heavy metal mine?

I put it down a couple months ago so I'll need to look - I thought it was anthrax.

# ? May 29, 2021 15:16

SerthVarnee: Mar 13, 2011; It has been ~~two~~ zero days since last incident.; Big Super Slapstick Hunk

Icon Of Sin posted:

Are either of these Stalin�s cannibal island, or is there a fresh new wave of horror that I�m about to discover?

The heavy metal mine sounds like Norilsk which is a city built next to a massive nickel mine if I recall correct.

# ? May 29, 2021 15:25

Midjack: Dec 24, 2007

Carth Dookie posted:

Is that where they poisoned that island for basically all eternity or am I getting that confused with the town next to the heavy metal mine?

Vozrozhdeniya Island is the BW research facility that got to be more of a problem when the Aral Sea dried up and people could walk to it.

# ? May 29, 2021 15:33

Humbug Scoolbus: Apr 25, 2008; The scarlet letter was her passport into regions where other women dared not tread. Shame, Despair, Solitude! These had been her teachers, stern and wild ones, and they had made her strong, but taught her much amiss.; Clapping Larry

At least Johnston's Atoll's in the middle of the Pacific.

# ? May 29, 2021 15:50

Vengarr: Jun 17, 2010; Smashed before noon

Was there a contest to see who could gently caress up the most islands?

# ? May 29, 2021 17:36

bulletsponge13: Apr 28, 2010

Vengarr posted:

Was there a contest to see who could gently caress up the most islands?

Yeah.
White people won.

# ? May 29, 2021 20:42

Fearless: Sep 3, 2003; DRINK MORE MOXIE

bulletsponge13 posted:

Yeah.
White people won.

That was unfair. The English had a head start on every other white person.

# ? May 30, 2021 00:36

Memento: Aug 25, 2009; Bleak Gremlin

SerthVarnee posted:

The heavy metal mine sounds like Norilsk which is a city built next to a massive nickel mine if I recall correct.

The nickel mines at Norilsk-Talnakh are an absolute loving nightmare. The deposits have a whole bunch of later coal deposits on top of them, that are not only the filthiest high-sulphur coal possible but because it's not what they're mining for, they just dig it out and dump it. Where it leaches heavy metals, sulphur and just general loving poison into the landscape. Plus, the pollution from the on-site nickel smelter adds a healthy dollop of cancer onto this shitcake. The surrounding forests are all dead or dying from sulphuric acid raining from the sky. The soil surrounding the smelter is so polluted that it's economically viable for small companies to come along, dredge up the black sludge that forms in low-lying areas and sell it back to the refinery for another go-round to get the platinum group elements out of it.

Also, it's so brutally cold, for most of the year it gets down to below -10�C every night. The cold and wind means that everything gets sand-blasted, which causes things like oil tanks to corrode rapidly, so they have to do plenty of maintenance on them to make sure they don't fail, which, being Russia, doesn't happen. Also also, they theorise that the old tank's foundations might have failed because everything is built on permafrost that is thawing due to global warming. Snake eats its own tail.

But the rocks are pretty! This is my sample from there, massive pentlandite (purple-grey) and chalcopyrite (brassy yellow) in a hard contact to gabbronorite.

This is the haul my supervisor brought back with him after a visit, technically illegally as you're not allowed top take rocks away from Russia without a permit from the federal government. He said "I won't ever be allowed back there if they find out but I tell you what Memento, I'm never going back, that place is miserable"

# ? May 30, 2021 01:37

shame on an IGA: Apr 8, 2005

Norilsk accounts for 1% of global SO₂ emissions all by itself

# ? May 30, 2021 02:18

BIG HEADLINE: Jun 13, 2006; "Stand back, Ottawan ruffian, or face my lumens!"

Being the Av/MilGeek I am, there are tons of aviation and military museums I'd love to see in Russia, but with how it is ideologically now I wouldn't go even if the trip was free.

I *almost* got to go back in '91 but my parents got spooked and never put a deposit down. Good thing, too - the group that went got to enjoy Moscow huddled in their hotel rooms with no electricity eating crackers and cheese since the failed Soviet coup attempt happened that week.

# ? May 30, 2021 02:28

CommieGIR: Aug 22, 2006; The blue glow is a feature, not a bug; Pillbug

I'm waiting to see how things go before I finally do my trip to Pripyat in Ukraine.

# ? May 30, 2021 04:47

Ugly In The Morning: Jul 1, 2010; Pillbug

Avoided this thread because I made an rear end out of myself in November but it�s Memorial Day this weekend so I�m pouring out a white monster for 1st Lt Garvey; who we all told he would never retire but not like that. Next year we�ll actually all go to his resting place.

# ? May 30, 2021 07:37

The Sausages: Sep 30, 2012; What do you want to do? Who do you want to be?

Norilsk isn't so bad, according to the tourism website.

BIG HEADLINE posted:

Yeah, and to think we've probably heard *maybe* 5-10% of what went wrong behind the Iron Curtain with regards to *their* special weapons stewardship.

Or the UK and Yellow Sun, the bomb where the safety was 133,000 steel ball bearings held in by a stopper, and when the ball bearings were removed, the bomb was dangerously unsafe due to the amount of fissile material packed into each one.

If they couldn't laugh they'd probably scream

# ? May 30, 2021 11:30

Memento: Aug 25, 2009; Bleak Gremlin

The Sausages posted:

Norilsk isn't so bad, according to the tourism website.

Gut-laughing from the first line. This is fantastic

# ? May 30, 2021 12:10

Carth Dookie: Jan 28, 2013

Memento posted:

Gut-laughing from the first line. This is fantastic

The entire page is comedy gold.

# ? May 30, 2021 22:41

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

Wrr posted:

Does viewing / sharing that link count as spreading classified / sensitive information around?

They seem to have avoiding actually posting the classified info itself, so I think it's ok. More of a "we found a card describing which shelters contained nukes, and here's screenshot with the designators edited out" rather than "HERE'S THE LIST OF HOT SHELTERS AT BASES X, Y, AND Z!"

# ? May 30, 2021 22:56

Wasabi the J: Jan 23, 2008; MOM WAS RIGHT

The Sausages posted:

Norilsk isn't so bad, according to the tourism website.

If they couldn't laugh they'd probably scream

The Russians used a magnet.

# ? May 30, 2021 23:20

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

The Sausages posted:

Norilsk isn't so bad, according to the tourism website.

If they couldn't laugh they'd probably scream

I have heard a lot of stories like this from British Cold War types. Just absolutely a shambles underneath a veneer of professionalism.

"Oh, the fleet flagship designated as NATO command ship? She'll be ready for war with six months' notice."
"Oh, the nukes at RAF Loamshire were well guarded. We had a bike lock on the hangar door and a sergeant with a loaded rifle."
"We were pretty sure our tanks could get to their defensive positions because the reverse gears always worked."
"Yeah, we kept the steam plant of HMS Ark Royal going throughout the 1970s with gaffer's tape."
"I remember the Gulf War because I had to carry boxes of confidential dockets around Admiralty headquarters for signatures."
"I don't trust computers because I remember our nuclear submarine was almost denied entrance of a Brazilian harbor because we couldn't talk to them until our Chief of the Boat admitted he still knew signal lamp morse."

Vincent Van Goatse fucked around with this message at 01:01 on May 31, 2021

# ? May 31, 2021 00:52

Splode: Jun 18, 2013; put some clothes on you little freak

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

I have heard a lot of stories like this from British Cold War types. Just absolutely a shambles underneath a veneer of professionalism.

"Oh, the fleet flagship designated as NATO command ship? She'll be ready for war with six months' notice."
"Oh, the nukes at RAF Loamshire were well guarded. We had a bike lock on the hangar door and a sergeant with a loaded rifle."
"We were pretty sure our tanks could get to their defensive positions because the reverse gears always worked."
"Yeah, we kept the steam plant of HMS Ark Royal going throughout the 1970s with gaffer's tape."
"I remember the Gulf War because I had to carry boxes of confidential dockets around Admiralty headquarters for signatures."
"I don't trust computers because I remember our nuclear submarine was almost denied entrance of a Brazilian harbor because we couldn't talk to them until our Chief of the Boat admitted he still knew signal lamp morse."

When your entire country will disappear within 30 seconds of the war going hot it's hard to care too much

# ? May 31, 2021 09:42

Memento: Aug 25, 2009; Bleak Gremlin

Splode posted:

When your entire country will disappear within 30 seconds of the war going hot it's hard to care too much

Imagine what the Letter of Last Resort as penned by Boris "binbag full of custard" Johnson says.

"probably just best to go hand the keys to the Russians, to be honest... oh and I guess if there's actually a war on, head to a little island in the Caribbean I know, if you're anything like me you'll have a wonderful time there"

# ? May 31, 2021 10:05

The Sausages: Sep 30, 2012; What do you want to do? Who do you want to be?

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

I have heard a lot of stories like this from British Cold War types. Just absolutely a shambles underneath a veneer of professionalism.

RAF Historical Society Journal No. 26 is becoming the gift that keeps on giving:

# ? May 31, 2021 12:18

shame on an IGA: Apr 8, 2005

well sexual assault with nukes is a new one but I don't know why I'm surprised

# ? May 31, 2021 13:28

in a well actually: Jan 26, 2011; dude, you gotta end it on the rhyme

LCpl Benny Hill, 1st Lord Boots� Knights, RAF

# ? May 31, 2021 14:14

spacetoaster: Feb 10, 2014

BIG HEADLINE posted:

Being the Av/MilGeek I am, there are tons of aviation and military museums I'd love to see in Russia, but with how it is ideologically now I wouldn't go even if the trip was free.

I *almost* got to go back in '91 but my parents got spooked and never put a deposit down. Good thing, too - the group that went got to enjoy Moscow huddled in their hotel rooms with no electricity eating crackers and cheese since the failed Soviet coup attempt happened that week.

I got to go to this place: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naval_museum_complex_Balaklava (along with a few others) and it rules. Russia isn't terribly bad if you're just visiting and stick to tourist stuff. But I imagine that's true for most places.

The most amazing thing to me was that the sub complex was continually around 40 degrees F all year. I also got to read the Nuclear missile maintenance logs and it was insanely detailed , down to tracking each individual screw turn to take off access panels.

# ? May 31, 2021 18:11

Vengarr: Jun 17, 2010; Smashed before noon

The Sausages posted:

RAF Historical Society Journal No. 26 is becoming the gift that keeps on giving:

This should go in the �Geniuses� thread

# ? Jun 1, 2021 15:12

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

https://i.imgur.com/v6QmWhF.mp4

Has audio if you want to hear some young folks shrieking in terror.

# ? Jun 2, 2021 22:09

Lemniscate Blue: Apr 21, 2006; Here we go again.

Kith posted:

https://i.imgur.com/v6QmWhF.mp4

Has audio if you want to hear some young folks shrieking in terror.

Raccoon?

# ? Jun 2, 2021 22:18

DarkDobe: Jul 11, 2008; Things are looking up...

Lemniscate Blue posted:

Raccoon?

Opossum looks like! Even more harmless.

# ? Jun 2, 2021 22:33

Wasabi the J: Jan 23, 2008; MOM WAS RIGHT

Kith posted:

https://i.imgur.com/v6QmWhF.mp4

Has audio if you want to hear some young folks shrieking in terror.

Fuckin' axeman sleeping, gently caress.

I am glad the Army failed to kill again.

# ? Jun 3, 2021 00:17

Dick Burglar: Mar 6, 2006

AMERICAN ARMY IS FUCKIN PUISSSIES RUSSIAN CONSTRCRIPTS WOULDA BLYATED THATR FUCKER SO GOOD

# ? Jun 3, 2021 01:18

Lemniscate Blue: Apr 21, 2006; Here we go again.

Dick Burglar posted:

AMERICAN ARMY IS FUCKIN PUISSSIES RUSSIAN CONSTRCRIPTS WOULDA BLYATED THATR FUCKER SO GOOD

Settle down, Senator Cruz.

# ? Jun 3, 2021 02:17

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

i can't remember what thread we were talking about dan crenshaws thing in, but heres my quick tested-just-once way of totally not filling out his woke whistleblowing form:

https://crenshaw.house.gov/whistleblower#form_BF00142B-8BF8-4E18-86FE-BDF8CF1C022E

quote:

#!/usr/bin/env python
# coding: utf-8

import time
import random
from pynput.keyboard import Key, Controller

keyboard = Controller()

#Change up in the Variables here
fname = "Studious"
lname = "McStudent"
address = "69 Ur Moms House Apt 420"
city = "Washington"
state = "DC"
zipCode = "42069"
email = "joebiden@whitehouse.gov"
phone = "1-800-746-6373"
employeer = "Deez Nuts"
learnAbout = "pigeon carrier"

titles = ['Great','Honorable','Sexy','Trustworthy','Based','Lovely']
branch = ['Soldier','Sailor','Airman','Marine','Coast Guardsman','Navy SEAL with over 300 confirmed kills']
enemies = ['terrorists','Saddam','Muslims','Cancel Culture','Hugo Chavez','Cesar Chavez']
group = ['gay','black','mexican','muslim','jew']
insult = ['queer','mandingo','border jumper','terrorist','antisemite who doesnt support Isreal']
excuse = ['locker room talk','a joke','the truth']
branded = ['a bigot','a moron','literally Kevin Spacey']
rank = ['Pfc','BM2','CPL','CPT','LT','SGT','SSgt','LCpl','SN','SA','Specialist','Bitchtits']
def listGen():
listDict = {0:titles,1:branch,2:enemies,3:group,4:insult,5:excuse,6:branded,7:rank}
output = []
for i in range(0,len(listDict)):
wordlist = listDict[i]
n = random.randint(0,len(wordlist)-1)
word = wordlist[n]
output.append(word)
return output

verb = ['to gently caress','to poo poo in','to cum in','to jerk it to']
noun = ['your gaping rear end in a top hat','your eyehole','your dad','your mom']

def madLibs():
words = listGen()
form = """
The {} Rep Crenshaw,
I am a {} who joined just to defend our country from {} and just because I called a {} a {}. I think we both know that's just {}.
Despite this, the WOKE MOB has called me {}. Please help!
Very Respectfully,
{} {} {}
""".format(words[0],words[1],words[2],words[3],words[4],words[5],words[6],words[7],fname,lname)
return form

def goalGen():
n = random.randint(0,len(verb)-1)
m = random.randint(0,len(noun)-1)
form = "I want {} your {}".format(verb[n],noun[m])
return form

def typeWord(word):
for letter in word:
keyboard.press(letter)
time.sleep(.001)

def main():
print('Executing Crenshaw.py')
print('Navigate to the top of the form and press ENTER when ready\nClick into the first name box quickly afterward')
input()
print(3)
time.sleep(1)
print(2)
time.sleep(1)
print(1)
time.sleep(1)
print("Entering data")
typeWord(fname)
keyboard.press(Key.tab)
typeWord(lname)
keyboard.press(Key.tab)
typeWord(address)
keyboard.press(Key.tab)
typeWord(city)
keyboard.press(Key.tab)
typeWord(state)
keyboard.press(Key.tab)
typeWord(zipCode)
keyboard.press(Key.tab)
typeWord(email)
keyboard.press(Key.tab)
typeWord(phone)
keyboard.press(Key.tab)
keyboard.press(Key.tab)
keyboard.press(Key.tab)
keyboard.press(Key.tab)
typeWord(employeer)
keyboard.press(Key.tab)
typeWord(madLibs())
keyboard.press(Key.tab)
typeWord(goalGen())
keyboard.press(Key.tab)
keyboard.press(Key.tab)
keyboard.press(Key.tab)
keyboard.press(Key.tab)
typeWord(learnAbout)

main()

Butter Activities fucked around with this message at 02:33 on Jun 3, 2021

# ? Jun 3, 2021 02:23

GD_American: Jul 21, 2004; LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS IT'S INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!

My former BC apparently made national news for cutting the mic of someone giving a Memorial Day speech. I can't tell from the article whether it was a "omg BLM antifa infiltrated us" thing, or it was a snap "oh my god he's about to call them the coloreds decision.

https://www.beaconjournal.com/story...hio/7508217002/

I'd like to think the latter. He was an alright dude, for a noble.

# ? Jun 3, 2021 05:17

Memento: Aug 25, 2009; Bleak Gremlin

Not sure if it's been updated, but it looks like he wanted to honour freed slaves for exhuming the remains of Union soldiers who had been buried in a mass grave and giving them proper burials.

quote:

A ceremony organizer turned off the microphone when the event's keynote speaker, retired Army Lt. Col. Barnard Kemter, began sharing a story about freed Black slaves honoring deceased soldiers shortly after the end of the Civil War.

The microphone was turned down for about two minutes in the middle of Kemter's 11-minute speech during the event hosted by the Hudson American Legion Lee-Bishop Post 464.

Cindy Suchan, who chairs the Memorial Day parade committee and is president of the Hudson American Legion Auxiliary, said it was either her or Jim Garrison, adjutant of American Legion Lee-Bishop Post 464, who turned down the audio. When pressed, she would not say who specifically did it.

Not wanting to admit exactly who did it speaks volumes about their motives to me. At this point in time they're Streisand Effect-ing pretty hard. I never would have heard of it if they just let the man say his piece.

Memento fucked around with this message at 07:10 on Jun 3, 2021

# ? Jun 3, 2021 07:02

PathAsc: Nov 15, 2011; Hail SS-18 Satan may he cleanse us with nuclear fire

PISS TAPE IS REAL

Holy poo poo that is amazingly terrible

# ? Jun 3, 2021 08:02

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

Yeah it seems like whoever turned off audio was doing a �this day is for R HEROS not about THE BLACKS� vibe from what I can tell so far. Everyone else involved seemed to want to have nothing to do with it or understand why they cut audio.

# ? Jun 3, 2021 11:28

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 00:31

Collateral Damage: Jun 13, 2009

Not sure why the sound guy didn't tell the responsible persons to sod off instead of pointing at the mic control. Every sound guy I've known would knock someone out before letting them gently caress with the mixer.

# ? Jun 3, 2021 16:53

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > Idiots Thread - From the Balls of Montezuma

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