Weird News Headlines: The male is in the czech

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Phlegmish: Jul 2, 2011

Facebook Aunt posted:

Beach Boys is a less accurate name every year. Now they a bunch of Coast Codgers.

Dune Dodderers

# ? Jun 15, 2021 11:57

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 18, 2024 07:23

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

Old Men of the Sea

# ? Jun 15, 2021 13:33

Phlegmish: Jul 2, 2011

Shoreside Seniors

# ? Jun 15, 2021 14:32

Brazilianpeanutwar: Aug 27, 2015; Spent my walletfull, on a jpeg, desolate, will croberts make a whale of me yet?

Beach biddies
Promenade prostate guys
Beach boomers
Old loving twats

# ? Jun 15, 2021 15:44

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Salty Sailors

# ? Jun 15, 2021 16:13

Bobby Digital: Sep 4, 2009

https://twitter.com/nocontextbrits/status/1404754561097666565?s=21

# ? Jun 15, 2021 16:27

zedprime: Jun 9, 2007; yospos

Planning on a cheeky lolly in my fannie sort of night :wink:

# ? Jun 15, 2021 16:56

By popular demand: Jul 17, 2007; IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!

Well that's my weekend ruined.
:comeback:

# ? Jun 15, 2021 17:23

Mescal: Jul 23, 2005

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

https://twitter.com/aldotcom/status/1404528358118023175

They've got plastic surgery televangelist and his nephew, perennial conversion camp prom king youth pastor.

# ? Jun 15, 2021 18:11

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

https://twitter.com/AP_Oddities/status/1404874104960958467

# ? Jun 15, 2021 19:54

Inceltown: Aug 6, 2019

Bobby Digital posted:

https://twitter.com/nocontextbrits/status/1404754561097666565?s=21

It says nothing about your butt :tutbutt:

# ? Jun 15, 2021 21:20

PhantomOfTheCopier: Aug 13, 2008; Pikabooze!

If we're lucky the aliens will land this week to take over Earth, take one look at that, shake their multiple heads, and leave.

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

# ? Jun 15, 2021 21:50

Lobok: Jul 13, 2006; Say Watt?

Inceltown posted:

It says nothing about your butt

It never does...

# ? Jun 15, 2021 22:03

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

PhantomOfTheCopier posted:

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

The Klondike bar, obviously

# ? Jun 15, 2021 22:04

Bloody Hedgehog: Dec 12, 2003; 💥💥🤯💥💥
Gotta nuke something

PhantomOfTheCopier posted:

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

# ? Jun 15, 2021 23:38

Lady Disdain: Jan 14, 2013; are you yet living?

Sticking an ice lolly in your vagina sounds incredibly uncomfortable. Have these women never heard of refrigerating a dildo like a normal person ?

# ? Jun 16, 2021 04:45

Yngwie Mangosteen: Aug 23, 2007

Inceltown posted:

It says nothing about your butt

Fanny means pussy in the uk.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 05:09

Inceltown: Aug 6, 2019

Captain Monkey posted:

Fanny means pussy in the uk.

Fanny means front bum here too.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 07:30

Lady Disdain: Jan 14, 2013; are you yet living?

Inceltown posted:

Fanny means front bum here too.

"Here" being Inceltown ?

# ? Jun 16, 2021 08:04

Inceltown: Aug 6, 2019

Lady Disdain posted:

"Here" being Inceltown ?

There or

, readers choice.

# ? Jun 16, 2021 08:50

Knormal: Nov 11, 2001

Bobby Digital posted:

https://twitter.com/nocontextbrits/status/1404754561097666565?s=21

What about a Push-Up?

# ? Jun 17, 2021 04:00

Baron von Eevl: Jan 24, 2005; WHITE NOISE
GENERATOR
🔊😴

Knormal posted:

What about a Push-Up?

Those are only for bras.

# ? Jun 17, 2021 04:05

I would blow Dane Cook: Dec 26, 2008

https://twitter.com/BostonDotCom/status/1405167758267109385

# ? Jun 17, 2021 05:37

Shifty Nipples: Apr 8, 2007

Knormal posted:

What about a Push-Up?

push-pop?

# ? Jun 17, 2021 05:40

Knormal: Nov 11, 2001

# ? Jun 17, 2021 06:44

Cartoon Man: Jan 31, 2004

There�s a lot to unpack in this headline to say nothing of the Australian spider apocalypse being �US News�.

https://www.the-sun.com/news/us-news/3085332/spider-apocalypse-australia-countryside-cobwebs-biblical-mouse-plague/

# ? Jun 17, 2021 13:35

I would blow Dane Cook: Dec 26, 2008

Cartoon Man posted:

There�s a lot to unpack in this headline to say nothing of the Australian spider apocalypse being �US News�.

https://www.the-sun.com/news/us-news/3085332/spider-apocalypse-australia-countryside-cobwebs-biblical-mouse-plague/

This happens every so often it�s not a big deal.

# ? Jun 17, 2021 14:24

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

This happens every so often it’s not a big deal.

Ok, well, is there anyone asking your PM to let their people go, because if this is a regular occurrence by now maybe y'all oughta consider it

# ? Jun 17, 2021 17:12

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Phy posted:

Ok, well, is there anyone asking your PM to let their people go, because if this is a regular occurrence by now maybe y'all oughta consider it

Unfortunately, yes, but the PM and half the country is too busy jacking themselves raw about the cruelty

# ? Jun 17, 2021 17:18

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

Why is it never a Biblical mousse plague?

# ? Jun 17, 2021 17:28

GrossMurpel: Apr 8, 2011

Platystemon posted:

Why is it never a Biblical mousse plague?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweet_Porridge

# ? Jun 17, 2021 17:38

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

In the real world, I can�t imagine there�s a closer parallel than the Boston Molasses Flood.

# ? Jun 17, 2021 17:50

By popular demand: Jul 17, 2007; IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!

Aaahhhh so that what the fortune teller meant when he promised I'll have the 'sweetest' day ever ahhhh!

# ? Jun 17, 2021 19:15

Such Fun: May 6, 2013

By popular demand posted:

Aaahhhh so that what the fortune teller meant when he promised I'll have the 'sweetest' day ever ahhhh!

Going by your avatar, I�d say your sweetest day ever ends in plastic bottle with a few ml of Fanta

# ? Jun 17, 2021 22:25

Tobermory: Mar 31, 2011

There was also that time when 14 people were killed by sugar.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jg7mLSG-Yws

# ? Jun 18, 2021 00:31

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Tobermory posted:

There was also that time when 14 people were killed by sugar.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jg7mLSG-Yws

Oh, plenty more people than that have been killed by sugar :911:

# ? Jun 18, 2021 00:37

Lady Disdain: Jan 14, 2013; are you yet living?

There was also a beer flood, iirc. It's not sweet like mousse, but is is *frothy.

e: *foamy ?

Lady Disdain has a new favorite as of 01:01 on Jun 18, 2021

# ? Jun 18, 2021 00:56

PhantomOfTheCopier: Aug 13, 2008; Pikabooze!

Noah was just a minor character in The Sorcerer's Apprentice.

ps https://ios.gadgethacks.com/how-to/ios-14-5s-apple-podcasts-update-could-devour-your-iphones-data-storage-unless-you-do-0384609/

PhantomOfTheCopier has a new favorite as of 03:04 on Jun 18, 2021

# ? Jun 18, 2021 02:59

I would blow Dane Cook: Dec 26, 2008

quote:

Experience: I swallowed one of my AirPods

On the doctor�s screen was a cartoon-clear X-ray image of my ribs. Parked between them was the unmistakable shape of the missing earphone

On 1 February this year, snow fell heavily on my home town of Worcester, Massachusetts, and I had been shovelling for an hour and a half before turning in at midnight. I was exhausted, but it�s my habit to watch movies on my phone as I go to sleep. I put on a favourite � the 1980s version of The Thing, starring Kurt Russell. It�s the story of researchers in Antarctica being gradually taken over by a malevolent alien.

Within 10 minutes of the opening credits, I could barely keep my eyes open. The next thing I knew, four hours had passed, my wife, Heather, was asleep beside me and the movie had long finished. Groggily, I moved my phone off the pillow and removed the wireless AirPod headphone from one ear � the other had fallen out and I couldn�t find it.

Still barely awake, I padded to the bathroom for a sip of water, but couldn�t swallow properly. My throat filled with water, but it wouldn�t go down � I had to lean over the sink and let the water drain out. It was bizarre and alarming, but I was so tired that I just went back to bed. In the morning, I checked again for the missing earbud, but it was nowhere to be seen. The �find my AirPod� function on my phone, which makes the headphones bleep, didn�t work as the batteries were flat.

Lots more snow had fallen overnight, and I went out before breakfast to resume shovelling, breaking off after an hour or so for a drink of water. Again, I couldn�t swallow but I wasn�t concerned � I just thought my throat was unusually dry and the difficulty would pass. �By the way,� I said, as I headed back out, �I�ve lost one of my earphones. Has anyone seen it?�

While I cleared the snow, Heather and my son, Owen, searched the bedroom thoroughly, even lifting the mattress. �Hey,� Owen said, �perhaps you swallowed it in your sleep?� We all laughed, but a couple of minutes later, after another mouthful of water came straight back up, we started to wonder if he might be on to something. I had also become aware of a faint pressure in the middle of my chest � just a mild discomfort, nothing that would usually have caused concern. But the evidence was starting to add up.

�You need to get it checked out,� Heather said.

At the walk-in centre, the receptionist asked for my symptoms. My response was met with a bemused look and the doctor who examined me was incredulous. She said people with an object lodged in their throat usually experience a lot of pain, plus it seemed unlikely that I could have inadvertently swallowed a piece of plastic an inch and a half long. I was left on my own as she went to examine the results of a precautionary X-ray.

The doctor�s expression when she returned was priceless. �Well, I�ll be damned,� she said. She led me to her workstation, which was surrounded by medical staff. On the screen was a cartoon-clear image of my ribs and, parked between them at 45 degrees, the unmistakable shape of the missing AirPod.

The situation may have seemed comical, but the doctor was clearly concerned. The AirPod seemed to be wedged firmly into the side of my oesophagus, but there was still a possibility it could block an airway. If ingested, it could either pass harmlessly through my system, or lodge in my intestines, which would mean surgery. There was also a slight possibility that the device might rupture, and I didn�t want to try digesting a lithium-ion battery.

Heather drove me to the endoscopy centre, where the AirPod was got back out via my mouth using a tube with a lasso attachment. It was extremely uncomfortable, but I was sedated and so only half awake. A few minutes later, I was given the AirPod in a neat little bag.

I tried it as soon as I got home. It works fine, although the microphone is less reliable than it was. I�ll never know for certain how I managed to swallow it; my theory is that it dropped on to the pillow, ended up next to my mouth and got sucked in when I yawned. In retrospect, I�m glad the �find my AirPod� attempt didn�t work � I would have freaked out if my throat had beeped.

As told to Chris Broughton

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jun/18/experience-i-swallowed-one-of-my-airpods?CMP=soc_567

# ? Jun 19, 2021 14:04

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# ? May 18, 2024 07:23

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jun/18/experience-i-swallowed-one-of-my-airpods?CMP=soc_567

Ugh, I've held off on wireless earbuds because I knew they'd get lost while I sleep, but I never expected that :catstare:

# ? Jun 19, 2021 19:29

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