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Jim turns Dwight into a mug.  Meredith is taken to the hospital.
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Jun 26, 2021 20:14
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| # ? May 14, 2024 08:10 |
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Jim removes Dwight’s liver and puts it in the vending machine next to the Sun Chips. Dwight puts in quarters to get his liver back, but it gets stuck in the machine!
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Jun 26, 2021 21:08
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Jim buys Dwight a set of Beats by Dre. Dwight, an audiophile, is forced to pretend he enjoys the inferior sound quality of Jim’s gift rather than the peak performance sound of his Bose headset.
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Jun 26, 2021 21:13
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Applewhite posted:Jim buys Dwight a set of Beats by Dre. Dwight, an audiophile, is forced to pretend he enjoys the inferior sound quality of Jim’s gift rather than the peak performance sound of his Bose headset. Jim pulls out his old white earbuds that came with his iphone 3g. The rubber is frayed and the shield is exposed. The earbuds are severely tangled together. Ryan dons his airpods max, unaware that Bluetooth lacks the bandwidth to play lossless music. He can't pay rent this month. Michael has lost one of his knockoff airpods. He hopes the 7-11 still has the same color. Kevin unpacks his Sennheiser cans and carefully plugs them into the amp with a wooden volume knob. The fidelity and soundstage is second to none. Creed is seen with Michael's lost ripoff airpod. He speaks into it intently. No one is on the phone.
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Jun 26, 2021 21:21
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Meredith is sent to the hospital when she reveals she has a Shure SM58 in a delicate location.
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Jun 26, 2021 21:23
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The Scranton Branch takes a trip to the local Museum of History to review a lucrative paper contract. As they wander around the exhibit hall, Jim and Pam sneak into a restricted access room. Dwight follows them as he believes they are sneaking off to determine the paper needs of the museum. Instead of a tryst or corporate espionage, Dwight discovers them in front of a giant black stone figure with veins of red and yellow swirled through it. The seated figurine has a tablet on his lap and a wry look. "Hey, check this guy out" muses Jim. Dwight looks at the stone and berates Jim for his ignorance re: the clearly Mesopotamian Artifact before them. "Iiiiiiiiis it really, Dwight? Because, you see, this tablet was ancient when Sumeria was first digging into its fertile soils..." He goes on to describe the demon Dzh'yym, a trickster older than darkness, who will outlive the light of the last suns. He gifted protomankind with laughter and madness. And in exchange, he walks among them choosing a vessel to inhabit, finding the next and the next and the next soul to engulf. Dwight is enraptured by the story, peering deeply into the demon's gaze, noticing subtle swirls of purple among the red, bringing out the mustard yellow elsewhere. For a moment it seems as if Dwight mugs at the seated figure. "Great story, Jim" he chuckles as he notes the hieroglyphs are clearly Egyptian. "Sure thing, buddy" mutters Jim, as he turns and mugs an imaginary camera, his eyes flecked with red and purple, gazing across the vastness of reality.
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Jun 26, 2021 21:47
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Jim strings a length of piano wire across the office door exactly level with Dwight's neck. Meredith has to be taken to the hospital.
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Jun 27, 2021 02:40
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Jim is filled with a deep, all-consuming sense of emptiness and ennui. He begins to grow sullen and distant, speaking less and less to his co-workers and then to his own family. Pam confides in Dwight that Jim has been struggling with depression and she's afraid that he isn't being truthful with her about how bad it's getting. Pam urges Dwight to try and speak to Jim and get him to open up to his closest friend. Dwight blows Pam off as he has never been doing better. Now that Jim doesn't have the emotional energy to prank him Dwight's productivity has been through the roof and he has been in discrete contact with the Dunder-Mifflin corporate office about a major promotion to the Junior VP of Sales. Two months later Dwight gets the promotion. That same night Jim calls Dwight and asks how he liked Jim's greatest prank yet, the prank of allowing Dwight to florish.
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Jun 27, 2021 03:01
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Jun 27, 2021 04:10
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Dwight accidentally drops his axe into the lake. "Oh no, my axe!" laments Dwight. He sat at the lakeside and sobbed bitter tears. Without his axe, how could he tend to his beet farm? Suddenly, the surface of the lake began to bubble and a magic fish appeared! "Why are you crying?" asked the fish. "I dropped my axe in your lake by accident," said Dwight. "Let me see if I can help," said the fish. It dove down and a few minutes later returned to the surface with a golden axe in its mouth. "Is this your axe?" it asked. "No," said Dwight, truthfully. The fish dove and once again emerged with an axe in its mouth. This time the axe was silver. "That's not my axe either," said Dwight. The fish dove down and returned a third time. This time it had Dwight's beaten old axe in its mouth. "That is my axe," said Dwight. The fish was so impressed by Dwight's honesty that not only did it give Dwight his axe back, but let him keep the gold and silver axes as a reward. The next day, Dwight told the story of the fish to Jim. Jim, jealous of Dwight's good fortune, went to the lake and threw his axe in on purpose. He sat down on the side of the lake and cried loud crocodile tears into the water. A few minutes later, the surface of the lake started to bubble and the magic fish appeared! "Why are you crying?" asked the fish. "Because Dwight said he tricked a poor fish that lived in this lake into giving him a free gold and silver axe," said Jim. "Oh did he now?" The fish flew into a rage and used its magic to cause the gold and silver axes to come to life and hack Dwight to pieces. The fish granted Jim the gold and silver axes as a reward for exposing Dwight's trickery. Jim accepted the axes and smirked at the camera.
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Jun 27, 2021 04:11
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Dwight goes on vacation to a nearly deserted town named Potter's Cove located on the shore of Lake Erie. Dwight enjoys a slow, relaxing day on the beach. As he drifts off for a nap, a woman comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder. She introduces herself as a fellow vacationer and asks if Dwight could take some pictures of her. He agrees, taking some artistic shots of her "For the 'gram". She even takes a few pictures of Dwight, saying that she's really enjoyed meeting him. Dwight feels happy for the first time in quite a while, finally forgetting about the stresses of the office and Jim's pranks. The beautiful woman then goes in to kiss Dwight, at which point he pushes her away, explaining that he never kisses on the first date, but he'd love to take her to dinner tonight. She agrees, under the condition that she gets one more picture of Dwight. He comedically poses on a sand dune, acting like a pirate captain. She giggles and says it's perfect, at which point Dwight feels a clubbing blow hit the back of his skull. He tries to get to his feet but feels himself restrained by powerful arms as another clubbing shot hits his upper back. He lets out a howl of pain and the woman takes photo after photo. "SMILE, sweetie! Smile for your picture!" she laughs as Dwight is brutally beaten by a mob of people. Dwight doesn't recognize any of them. He begs them to explain what's happening, but they simply continue beating him. A dazed Dwight lays, half-conscious, as the woman begins pouring gasoline on him. He can't even muster the energy to get her to stop, and can only let out a weak scream as she tosses a match on him, lighting him ablaze as the mob watches, silently. A week later, a frustrated Michael heads to Potter's Cove to try and find Dwight, who never returned to the office after his vacation. He stops at the only restaurant in town to try and ask the locals, only to find himself being served by Dwight. "Dwight, buddy, what the heck is going on? We've all dreamt of ditching the crazy high octane world of Dunder Mifflin, but why didn't you call?" Dwight insists he has no idea what Michael is talking about, has no idea who he is, and has no idea who Dwight is. His name is Tom Averson, he's lived here his whole life, and he's a waiter here. Michael shows "Tom" a photo of Dwight, who admits that it does look like him. Michael stares at him and finally decides that he's not Dwight, his eye color is different and his face shape isn't exactly the same. Michael heads to the hospital to see if perhaps Dwight was admitted. As he heads up the street he passes the funeral home and peers over, only to see Jim waving in the window. Michael does a double take and sees the sign outside reads "HALPERT FUNERAL HOME", then cautiously walks towards Jim. Jim mugs for the camera and waves, happily telling Michael that he's glad to see him and glad to show off "his great work on Dwight". When Michael asks what the hell he's talking about, Jim tells him to go back to the diner and look at the back of "Tom's" head. Michael does and notices a line of stiches across the back of his neck, then notices that everyone else in the restaurant has similar stitches. He slowly begins walking out, terrified that he'll alert them to his suspicions. As he steps outside Jim is waiting for him with a camera. "Smile, Michael!" Jim gleefully says as he begins taking pictures. Dwight grabs him from behind and before Michael is knocked unconscious he believes he sees a single tear running down Dwight's cheek.
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Jun 28, 2021 20:00
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We need you in Awful Tales again. *** Jim starts calling Dwight "balloon boy." He won't stop. Other people start calling Dwight "balloon boy" as well. Coworkers, friends, even Dwight's family and finally strangers on the street whom Dwight has never met are calling him "balloon boy." Dwight's sanity starts to slip. How did Jim do it? How did he pull it off? Did he bribe all those people? Impossible! More and more people are calling Dwight balloon boy. He even starts to hear the name in his sleep. Finally Dwight can't take it anymore. He takes the shotgun down from the mantelpiece and puts it in his mouth. As he looks down to pull the trigger with his toe he notices his fly is unzipped and one of those long hotdog balloons is sticking out of his pants. "Tch! Jim!" Dwight rolls his eyes and pulls out the balloon. He looks at it and scoffs. He must have been walking around like that for days! Dwight chuckles and hangs the shotgun back up on its mount, shaking his head at how foolish he'd been.
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Jun 29, 2021 04:33
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jim envelops dwight in his stinging tentacles, paralysing him and drawing the luckless salesman up to his beaked maw to feed
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Jun 29, 2021 11:06
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grazed by a tentacle, meredith has to be taken to the hospital
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Jun 29, 2021 11:07
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Jim is loudly crunching away during a conference call, and Dwight asks if he could stop. "Can't, too busy eating ants on a log." Dwight sighs, already realizing that Jim is eating actual ants on an actual log, not the delicious combination of raisins, peanut butter, and celery. "Fine, Jim, fine. All of this is fine. Eat your ants on a log." Jim smiles and takes another bite. Dwight is unaware that Jim is in fact eating Yggdrasil, the World Tree, and that each bite brings the world closer to destruction.
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Jun 29, 2021 12:52
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Meredith makes tender, yet passionate, beaked maw to a tentacle
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Jun 29, 2021 15:35
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Dwight finally retires and, at his retirement party, gives a beautiful speech. He mentions how many great years he spent in the office and how happy he is to see those who left before him (Michael, Kevin, Creed) come back to share this moment. A drunken Pam slurs out "What about Jim, huh? What do you have to say about my Jim?" and knocks over a glass of wine. Dwight keeps his composure and says that he loved Jim like a brother and he's glad Jim is finally at peace. Pam stands up unsteadily and pulls an urn from her purse, then spreads the ashes all over the table and floor. "That's his peace, DWIGHT! You want a piece of it? Huh? HUH?" Pam then vomits and passes out, cracking her head against a chair as she falls. She's rushed to the hospital and Dwight, sadly, ends his retirement party. Meredith, now a respected feminist author, asks Dwight why he even invited her and Dwight says that everyone deserves a second chance, even after what Pam did to Oscar. On the other side of the room, Oscar says goodbye to Kevin and Angela, then carefully sits back in his wheelchair and heads out for the night. Dwight sweeps up Jim's soggy ashes and places them on a plastic sheet to dry out before putting them back in the urn. "Christ, what a loving mess." says Dwight. Jim had left a mess behind when he died, too. Anyone jumping into an jet engine would. But this seemed worse, somehow. Dwight brushes his hands off and little bits of Jim's incinerated corpse float through the air. Dwight eventually heads home after the ashes dry, planning to return the urn to Pam once she's calmed down some more. Angela is already asleep by the time he gets home, and their teenage son, Burtram, seems to be playing videogames in his room. Dwight cracks open the door a bit to say goodnight, only to find Burtram laying in bed while a cloud of gray soot circles around him. "What the gently caress?!" shouts Dwight as the cloud turns its attention to him, flying across Burtam's room. Instinctively, Dwight covers his nose and mouth and feels the soot cloud trying to peel his fingers back. Dwight rushes downstairs with the cloud following him, hoping to keep Burtram and Angela safe from whatever it is. He rushes outside and cloud follows him, then slowly forms into a man-shaped mass. A tall, floppy haired, smug mass. "Jim, you're dead! You've been dead for years! Please, for your own sake, STAY DEAD!" The cloud mugs at a camera that only it can see, then rushes at Dwight. Dwight reaches into his car and pulls out the urn, opening the lid and holding it in front of him. The cloud violently reacts, swirling like a tornado around the urn. Dwight stays steady and can feel the cloud being sucked into the urn. Jim's spirit (or whatever the cloud is) is drawn back to his mortal remains and Dwight quickly slams the lid shut. "Go to Hell, Jim." he mutters and quickly seals the urn tight with an entire roll of duct tape. The next day, Dwight is eating breakfast with Angela and Burtram and talking about how great it was to see everyone at the party. Angela and Dwight avoid telling Burtram about Pam. In fact, they've rarely spoke of Jim and Pam to him due to the disturbing nature of Jim's death and the emotional pain the police investigation put them through. Burtram then notes that he has a gift for his father and pulls out a box. Dwight is overjoyed and opens the box, then feels his heart sink to his stomach. Inside is a stapler. A stapler inside of jello. "What's the matter, Daddy? You don't like jello?" Burtram laughs and Dwight realizes his eyes are darting around, looking for a camera. The eyes focus on a cookie jar for a moment and Burtram turns towards it, then mugs. Angela is screaming and crying and Dwight sees the taped up urn violently shaking on the shelf he stored it on. Burtram's face is changing now like wax melting off a candle and Dwight begins to scream, too.
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Jun 29, 2021 16:48
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Dwight orders a birthday cake from a local bakery for Michael. Jim bursts out of the cake dressed as the Grim Reaper, despite the fact that the cake is an 18 inch sheet cake. Pulling out a weathered notebook, Dwight marks another year of Jim pulling the exact same "birthday prank".
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Jun 29, 2021 17:33
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sitting side by side in an important client meeting, jim calmly leans over and twists dwight's left nipple through his shirt
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Jun 29, 2021 19:09
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Dwight mentions he's a fan of the film "Alien." Jim rolls up a magazine and tries to ram it down Dwight's throat.
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Jun 29, 2021 19:13
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Dwight comes into work one day and Jim drops down on him from above. Dwight is not caught unawares, and his catlike reflexes kick in. In the blink of an eye his wakizashi is out of its sheath and he slashes Jim across the throat. Jim dies, gurgling in a pool of blood on the floor. Dwight is acquitted of murder charges on the basis of self-defense, but everyone at the office hates him now and he's fired from Dunder Mifflin on a flimsy pretext a few weeks later. After Dwight is fired Jim shows up back at work like nothing happened.
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Jun 29, 2021 23:39
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jim wails and growls outside of dwight's house for months on end, yowling like a tomcat and screaming like a grandmother. when confronted he skitters up to a rooftop for safety, and continues to moan in polyphonic dischord
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Jun 29, 2021 23:42
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Jim puts drugs to induce lactation into Dwight's coffee. Every time he sees Dwight Jim stares at Dwight's chest hungrily.
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Jun 30, 2021 00:37
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jim sprints up to dwight in the carpark and splashes a bottle of warm piss in his face
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Jun 30, 2021 12:49
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Michael rents out a movie theater for a week for the office to use as a team building exercise and asks everyone to bring their favorite movie to watch. Dwight brings "Phantasm" and explains how he enjoys the disjointed narrative and dream-like quality of the film. During the entire movie, Jim heckles it and says things like "Get to the kills!" and "These special effects suck!" and at one point just starts hooting and hollering. The next film is Jim's pick, which is just 90 minutes of a deer carcass decomposing in the hot summer sun. When Michael asks why Jim likes the movie, he looks befuddled and says "I don't LIKE anything, Michael. This is just the most recent movie I've seen, that's why I brought it." Jim shakes his head, muttering "frickin weirdo" and sits down, putting his arm around Dwight and patting his back. That night, a frustrated Dwight tosses and turns in his bed. He opens his eyes only to find himself and his bed in a cemetery, with corpses digging themselves out of their graves and crawling towards his bed. Dwight turns to see Jim, looking impossibly tall, looming over his bed with his arms extended. Jim lets out a guttural "Dwwwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggghhht!" and mugs for the camera.
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Jun 30, 2021 12:58
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Jim takes a poo poo on Jimmy Kimmel's front porch and rings the bell. When Kimmel comes out to investigate, Jim sneaks over the back fence and takes a poo poo in his pool.
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Jun 30, 2021 12:59
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Jim unexpectedly quits his office job, leaving his co-workers non-plussed and a bit frustrated at the extra work they need to briefly assume in his stead. A couple weeks later, Dwight is shopping at his regular grocery store and realizes that Jim will be his bagger. At first he feels awkward, but Jim looks good. Well rested, happy, and he seems genuinely glad to see Dwight, so he doesn't think much of it. While he's bagging Dwight's groceries, Jim surreptitiously removes every single label from each canned item so Dwight has no idea what's in them when he gets home to put them away.
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Jun 30, 2021 13:09
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Jim mentions that he needs to leave work a little early for a dental appointment and Dwight agrees to cover him while he's gone. That night, Dwight scrolls through Facebook and sees pictures of Jim at an amusement park, not the dentist. Frustrated, Dwight decides to ignore it unless it happens again. A week later, Jim mentions complications from his dental appointment that he needs to take a half day to address. Dwight again covers for him and, again, Dwight sees pictures of Jim having a great time on Facebook. This time, he's at a restaurant eating a giant burrito. The next day, Dwight asks how Jim's teeth are feeling and Jim says he needs to take another day off, but this should be the final one. Determined to catch Jim in the act, Dwight opens facebook and prepares to show Michael the pictures. Jim posts a new one, showing him at a park. Dwight taps on the photo to blow it up, only to feel a stinging pain on his finger. He pulls back his now bloody finger and, to his horror, sees the Jim in the photo is moving. His teeth are covered in blood and he's making an exaggerated chomping motion. Dwight tosses his phone across the room and the camera crew rushes over to it, only to find the photo now Jim-free. Dwight rushes to Michael's office but suddenly a pocket-sized Jim leaps out a photo on the wall. Tiny Jim starts biting Dwight again, eventually chewing through his neck and into a major artery. Dwight falls to the ground, gushing blood, as Tiny Jim mugs for the camera with his new, monstrous teeth.
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Jun 30, 2021 13:14
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In a huge promotional event, Dunder Mifflin agrees to make Dwight the "First Paper Salesman in Space" with the help of SpaceX. Dwight is nervous but is constantly assured that everything is safe. The night before the launch, Jim texts Dwight "lol funny SNL VIDEO check it OUT!" and it's the Elon Musk Wario skit. Dwight watches it and suddenly feels dread growing in his stomach. Jim then sends him a link to Elon Musk's appearance on Joe Rogan, adding "He's like this ALL THE TIME!". Dwight doesn't sleep a wink that night and in the morning, Jim sends him a final article about that time Elon Musk called a guy a pedophile because he saved some kids while Elon was talking about inventing a mini submarine or some bullshit. Dwight is having major second thoughts but too much money and time has been invested, so he's loaded into the rocket. Elon Musk asks to speak to Dwight, and Dwight nervously accepts. Elon explains that he's really excited for the launch, and he's even more excited for some of the new features he's installed in this rocket. Dwight is now freaking out and asks Elon to explain what the hell he added to the rocket, but Elon just mutters something about "crypto currency" and "a new version of the tunnel but for memes" and Dwight feels panic set in as he can hear Jim and Grimes in the background, laughing about something. Dwight starts begging to be let out of the rocket, but Elon explains that the rocket needs to be "linked up with Starbase blockchain technology for that, and we don't have it yet" and a confused, frightened, and terrified Dwight can only sit and pray as the countdown heads towards launch time.
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Jun 30, 2021 13:46
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In an effort to raise spirits around Scranton and do some good for the world, Dwight turns Schrute Farms into an open air classroom for kids to learn about agriculture, technology, architecture, and more. It becomes a huge hit and Dwight is hailed as great humanitarian for his efforts, all of which he does without asking for a single cent. One day, Jim shows up with his son and asks how much it costs for two tickets. When Dwight explains that it's free, Jim and the child both call him "a loving idiot" and then proceed to comment on how dumb it is to "just give away things". Dwight, unbothered by this, invites Jim and his son to enjoy the farm and come to him with any questions. The child instantly punches Dwight in the knee and asks where "the fuckin' hot dog stand is". Dwight explains that the only food here is produced on the farm, but that there's a wide variety of things available at the cafe. Jim starts laughing and says that he guesses no hot dogs today, just "gross stuff". Jim and the kid both start laughing like crazy and pull out bags of Doritos that they start eating from. Dwight returns to his office to work on paperwork but, within a few minutes of sitting down, hears a knock at the door. It's Jim and his son who both ask him where the roller coasters are. Dwight walks them towards the Beet Coaster, a state of the art wooden coaster that recently was listed as one of the top 10 coasters in the world. Jim and the kid both call it "lame" and ask where the steel coasters are. Dwight explains that they only used wood from fallen trees so as to reduce their environmental impact, at which point the kid farts and Jim mugs for the camera. They both get in line for the coaster anyway, and an exhausted Dwight heads back to his office, where he finds his phone ringing. On the other line is Pam, who asks Dwight if Jim is there. Dwight says that he is, along with their son. Pam starts screaming, saying that the kid isn't their son and that Dwight needs to stop them immediately. Dwight rushes back to the Beet Coaster but it's too late, Jim and the kid are already riding up the first hill. Dwight watches helplessly as Jim lifts the laughing child out of his seat as they crest the top of the hill, then tosses him off the coaster. The child laughs the whole way down before thudding against the ground. Dwight runs over and finds the kid barely alive but still smiling and laughing. Dwight tells him to stay calm as help is coming, but the kid just says "Don't you remember, they don't make it in time. They never make it in time." The kid passes away and, despite Dwight's best efforts, is unable to be revived. Jim runs up behind Dwight and asks where the photograph of them on the coaster is, and Dwight punches him, calling him a murdering monster. Jim just laughs, then says "You can't kill a ghost" and skips out of the park. Dwight looks back and the child is gone. Although other people remember seeing Jim come in with a kid, no body is found and no sign of a child escaping the park is discovered. That night, Dwight calls his parents and explains the strange story. His mother starts crying and tells Dwight he must have forgotten again. Dwight asks what she means, and she can't contain her grief any more, telling Dwight to look at a photo album from 1992 before she ends the phone call. Dwight finds the photo album, with a section titled "AMUSEMENT PARK DAY - AUGUST 1992". Dwight sees a young version of himself, his parents, and another child. The same child from today. He suddenly realizes this is his brother, his brother that he completely forgot about. Blocked out, really. Dwight continues flipping through the photos and finds one of himself and his brother getting on a roller coaster. That's the final photo in the book, the next page is a newspaper clipping about a child being thrown from a roller coaster and killed. Dwight starts crying in grief, finally remembering an event that he long ago blocked from his memory. He looks at the photo in the newspaper, which shows a large crowd gathered around where his brother fell. One of the witnesses interviewed in the story swears he saw a "floppy haired tall guy" unbuckle the kid's seatbelt. Dwight stares again at the photo and Jim, looking the same as he did today, mugs for the camera. Dwight tosses away the album in horror and disgust. For a brief moment, he thinks he sees the figure of a small child in the darkened hallway behind him. But it's gone in an instant.
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Jun 30, 2021 17:38
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Jim knocks Dwight out and steals his penis.
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Jun 30, 2021 17:51
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Dwight wakes up with his feet and hands swapped. A blood-splattered Jim is standing over him with a bloody hacksaw laughing hysterically.
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Jun 30, 2021 18:04
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Jim erases Angela from reality, but Dwight still has dreams about her. After years of this, Jim gives Dwight a choice: Jim can erase Dwight's entire memory of Angela. Dwight refuses this, instead choosing to remember his experiences with her in his dreams. An enraged Jim then slashes Dwight's tires.
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Jun 30, 2021 18:52
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Dwight offers Jim a slice of a large, German chocolate cake he baked the night before. Jim cuts a modest slice, then takes the entire rest of the cake except the slice he cut. and swallows it in a single gulp. Dwight gapes. Everyone is aghast. The cake was big enough for everyone at the office to have some, now only one slice remains. Jim mugs the camera with cake all over his face.
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Jul 1, 2021 02:02
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Dwight is a hard-working everyman and Jim is the rich son of a company executive. Jim and Dwight strike up an unlikely "friendship" based around Jim browbeating Dwight into going with him to Applebee's, where Jim gets super wasted. Jim eventually badgers Dwight into exchanging penises with him for the day right before they go to Applebee's. When Jim wanders off claiming he is going to buy cigarettes, he disappears, stranding Dwight at the Applebee's until they close and he has to walk home. The next day, Jim says he needs his penis back. Dwight is glad to be rid of it and asks for his own back in return. Jim says "I lost it... IN YOUR DEAD MOM'S rear end" as he mugs for the camera.
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Jul 1, 2021 02:12
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Dwight's had a rough couple of days. Jim has really been on him lately, man.
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Jul 1, 2021 02:13
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Jim asks Dwight to shake his hand. Suspicious of a prank, Dwight refuses. Jim insists, and promises there is no prank! Dwight still refuses, believing he has an electric buzzer or something hidden in his palm. Jim shows Dwight his empty palm, there's nothing there! Finally, Dwight relents, and reaches for Jim's hand. As they make physical contact, Jim uses his other hand to detonate his suicide vest, vaporizing them both.
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Jul 1, 2021 02:28
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Jim doesn't prank Dwight all day. Dwight goes into withdrawals and becomes seriously ill. He's become dependent on Jim's pranks and needs them to survive. Now Dwight must beg Jim to prank him. "Prank me, Jim, please!" Dwight begs. Jim mugs the camera. Applewhite fucked around with this message at 02:49 on Jul 1, 2021 |
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Jul 1, 2021 02:47
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Jim emails around a brochure for a conference. It's going to be trade show, and several major law firms, universities, and other paper-intensive organizations will be there shopping for new suppliers on office equipment, including paper. Jim claims that he can't go due to "Captain Crunchitis", so someone else will go in his stead. Stanley and Dwight are chosen. They book flights, a shared hotel room for three nights, and a taxi to the airport. Dwight is looking forward to a few prank-free days on the road, even with a grump like Stanley. When they arrive at the hotel, they check in , have dinner, and retire to their room. Dwight is comically over-prepared, and brought ear muffs to help him sleep despite Stanley's snoring. They form an unlikely friendship, and the next morning head down in to the hotel ballroom, ready to take on the world. Except that there is no conference. The place is empty. Dwight's cell rings; it's Jim. "Enjoying the conference, Dwight?" asks a smug voice. "What's going on? What happened to the conference? Are you behind this?" asks Dwight. "I made it up! The entire thing! The email, the website, everything! It was a prank!" Dejected, Dwight and Stanley cancel the rest of their reservations, forfeiting half of the deposit and take a cab to the airport. Changing their tickets costs another few hundred dollars, and they've wasted three full business days by the time they get back. By the time their plane arrives back in Wilkes-Barre Scranton International Airport, it is well past midnight, and a rainstorm makes the walk (nearly a mile) to the rental car agency almost unbearable. Soaking wet, exhausted, and sad; Dwight drops off Stanley and takes the rental car home. The next day, Dwight has to wake up extra early, drop the rental car back off at the airport, and take the bus back to his farm. From there, he gets in his thunderbird, drives to work, and drags himself through the front entrance to his desk. The worst part is that he knows Michael will never punish his favorite court jester. There wasn't even anything clever about this. This was just callous and spiteful waste. Jim mugs the camera.
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Jul 1, 2021 03:05
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| # ? May 14, 2024 08:10 |
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Jim convinces Dwight to join the Klu Klux Klan
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Jul 1, 2021 03:55
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