Sumo wrestling - huge men, massive hits, gigantic macarons

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > Sumo wrestling - huge men, massive hits, gigantic macarons

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Charles Gnarwin: Jul 31, 2014; I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION.

he knows...

Hakuho�s face after the throw was great. �A year of barely competing and that�s how I�m welcomed back? OK�

# ? Jul 5, 2021 03:15

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# ? Jun 11, 2024 22:28

Dias: Feb 20, 2011; by sebmojo

I'll take 2-3, I guess, thank you Aoiyama.

# ? Jul 5, 2021 03:55

Brut: Aug 21, 2007

I went 4-1, and the one loss was very unexpected, I mean look at this record:

# ? Jul 5, 2021 04:07

whats for dinner: Sep 25, 2006; IT TURN OUT METAL FOR DINNER!

3-2 was alright. At least today I'm guaranteed a win with Takanosho vs. Mitakeumi

# ? Jul 5, 2021 04:29

Teddybear: May 16, 2009; Look! A teddybear doll!
It's soooo cute!

Teddybear posted:

I've got the makushita matches going in the background and someone in the chat brought up Shonanzakura, formerly Hattorizakura, and I've spent the last hour just falling down the rabbit hole on this guy. He's 179cm/5'10", he weighs 82kg/180lbs, and... He's bad. Very bad. So bad, in fact, that it's difficult for him to try to lose. No, really, here's day 3 of the September 2016 tournament, where the judges and gyoji just won't let him:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiAI8fXBJoM

As of a few hours ago, he's fought in 236 matches. Let's take a quick look at his biggest wins: In May 2016 he semi-skillfully pivoted his opponent and walked him out of the ring; in July 2018 his opponent slipped a second after contact and fell down; and in January 2019 he won a match by yoritaoshi. (The first two links have links to youtube clips of the matches.)

Those are the biggest wins of his because they are, in fact, his only wins. He's 3-232-1. He set the record for most consecutive losses, 89 between his first and second wins, and then surpassed it with his current streak of 98 losses in a row-- including today, where he lost a match to literally the only person ranked below him on the banzuke. This will give you the idea:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRGR92rBD_w

Apparently he really likes the sumo life and living in the stable, and the stablemaster is content to let him do it, so out he goes every two months to lose his matches. Is it a good idea for him, like, long-term? No, probably not. Will it be setting him up for massive problems when he eventually does leave sumo and have nothing to show for it? Yes, probably. Am I gonna keep an eye out for his matches every chance I get? You're goddamn right.

Follow-up! I found footage of his third win:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLZnTcQvgVY

# ? Jul 5, 2021 04:31

whats for dinner: Sep 25, 2006; IT TURN OUT METAL FOR DINNER!

Teddybear posted:

Follow-up! I found footage of his third win:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLZnTcQvgVY

The crowd going wild at the end there ruled. Also the incredibly awkward tachiai reminded me of dancing at a high school formal "wait so my hand goes here, then yours goes there... ok cool I think we're good"

# ? Jul 5, 2021 04:34

riderchop: Aug 10, 2010; av by @daikonquest!

Tochi

# ? Jul 5, 2021 05:39

Apraxin: Feb 22, 2006; General-Admiral

The quintessential Shonanzakura bout for me is always going to be when he was paired against Bariki, a guy who for some inexplicable reason tried to make a return to the dohyo after suffering a crippling back injury (he retired after another two tourneys). Surely the boy will be ok against an old man who visibly can't bend down or walk properly!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRvD7940p3w
Ah. Well. Nevertheless,

# ? Jul 5, 2021 05:39

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Lczn_efj00

She's Back!

# ? Jul 5, 2021 05:48

Brut: Aug 21, 2007

Chinook posted:

Is it possible he comes back in like Aoiyama did in May?

Brut posted:

In theory, sure. In practice, with Takayasu's history of pulling out for this exact reason, he's probably out for the whole thing.

Welp, Takayasu is on the torikumi for day 3, he'll be fighting vs Ichinojo, battle of the bad backs.

Also I wanna see Ishizaki vs Hokuseiho in a Makushita playoff this basho.

Brut fucked around with this message at 06:47 on Jul 5, 2021

# ? Jul 5, 2021 06:40

Cage Kicker: Feb 20, 2009; End of the fiscal year, bitch.
MP's got time to order pens for year year, hooah?

SKILCRAFT KREW Reppin' Quality Blind Made; Lipstick Apathy

3-2 is a p good start I just happened into sumo this year and now that there is a goonzuke I'm picking to win and I'm excited! Terutsuyoshi was my sentimental pick and I was glad to see salt bae pick up the W today

# ? Jul 5, 2021 07:08

Marching Powder: Mar 8, 2008; stop the fucking fight, cornerman, your dude is fucking done and is about to be killed.

Lid posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Lczn_efj00

She's Back!

this should probably be must watch material for those who are newer to sumo and those that are not

# ? Jul 5, 2021 07:21

Tiny Bug Child: Sep 11, 2004; Avoid Symmetry, Allow Complexity, Introduce Terror

Not entirely sure what just happened with Enho/Takagenji. It looked like they were going to do a torinaoshi, but then called a second mono-ii and decided Enho was too injured to continue? He looked wobbly as hell, so I guess it's nice to see they're serious about not making concussed guys fight anymore despite being a bummer of an outcome.

# ? Jul 5, 2021 07:28

Kenning: Jan 11, 2009; I really want to post goatse. Instead I only have these🍄.

Honestly, one of the best opening days we've seen in a while in terms of great matches on the clay. Hokutofuji vs. Wakatakakage was totally mental, and it's great to see Hak bring some power during his swan song. Also I don't mind going 4-1 to start a basho.

For fantasy, I'm currently taking the 15 debutantes (or people returning from banzuke-gai) and putting them into Fantasy Juryo. When I do the banzuke after this basho I'm going to limit Fantasy Makuuchi to 42, just like real makuuchi, and do appropriate demotions into juryo to make that work. The draft will still be global, since I think that's more fun, but now we're going to have a yusho for both makuuchi and juryo. Also, goddamn, 60 people playing fantasy loving rules.

Day 1 standings

Makuuchi

code:

4	Beeswax
4	Brut
4	Everyones Favorite Poster
4	Kenning
4	MyChemicalImbalance
4	scripterror
4	Skjorte
4	Teddybear
3	Banana Canada
3	bartolimu
3	Cage Kicker
3	captainblastum
3	Charles Gnarwin
3	Chinook
3	Fluffdaddy
3	GoatSeeGuy
3	Helianthus Annuus
3	jmzero
3	Lid
3	Vargatron
3	whats for dinner
2	bessantj
2	Biosys
2	Crusty Nutsack
2	Dias
2	Ice Phisherman
2	Jobbo_Fett
2	Khizan
2	Liquid Communism
2	Maigius
2	Neodoomium
2	Pakled
2	pseudodragon
2	QuasiQuack
2	ratmosphere
2	Robviously
2	Scythe
2	sivad
2	Thauros
2	Tiny Bug Child
2	Tochiazuma
1	anakha
1	MalarkeyToboggan
1	Marching Powder
1	Shiroc

Juryo

code:

4	rare Magic card l00k
3	Bellwether
3	Communist Thoughts
3	Eli949
3	Martytoof
3	TwoWordName
2	Foehammer007
2	Glugglugs
2	Halloween Jack
2	KungFu Grip
2	LlamaTrauma
2	Log082
2	Netsky
1	ilmucche
1	NuclearPotato

# ? Jul 5, 2021 07:40

ilmucche: Mar 16, 2016; What did you say the strategy was?

I look forward to being a juryo lifer

# ? Jul 5, 2021 08:07

harperdc: Jul 24, 2007

We just got a new TV, so I�m watching the NHK coverage in glorious 4K :gritin:

# ? Jul 5, 2021 08:52

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

takakeisho badly loving hurt oh gently caress

# ? Jul 5, 2021 09:49

bessantj: Jul 27, 2004

Hakuho just brutalised Endo.

# ? Jul 5, 2021 10:00

anakha: Sep 16, 2009

Kenning, requesting to trade Takakeisho for Terunofuji, Hakuho or Shodai, whoever is available for trades in that order of preference. gently caress, watching the end of his match was depressing :smith:

anakha fucked around with this message at 12:50 on Jul 5, 2021

# ? Jul 5, 2021 10:03

anakha: Sep 16, 2009

Tiny Bug Child posted:

Not entirely sure what just happened with Enho/Takagenji. It looked like they were going to do a torinaoshi, but then called a second mono-ii and decided Enho was too injured to continue? He looked wobbly as hell, so I guess it's nice to see they're serious about not making concussed guys fight anymore despite being a bummer of an outcome.

Just saw the replay and JESUS CHRIST those were some nasty open-hand uppercuts from Takagenji. :staredog:

Stopping the match was the right call, gven how loopy Enho looked, but those strikes are borderline illegal and should be looked at for future bashos.

# ? Jul 5, 2021 10:37

some kinda jackal: Feb 25, 2003; �
�

Also requesting to trade Takakeisho for Teru/Hak/Shodai. That sucked. As if I needed yet another reason to hate Ichinojo

Brutal day.

# ? Jul 5, 2021 12:30

whats for dinner: Sep 25, 2006; IT TURN OUT METAL FOR DINNER!

After how exciting yesterday was, today was exciting in a whole different and awful way

# ? Jul 5, 2021 12:40

anakha: Sep 16, 2009

Martytoof posted:

As if I needed yet another reason to hate Ichinojo

It looks like the injury was to Keisho's arm/elbow. Given how aggressive his tachiai usually is, I don't think this is really Itchy's fault.

anakha fucked around with this message at 12:51 on Jul 5, 2021

# ? Jul 5, 2021 12:48

Chinook: Apr 11, 2006; SHODAI

What actually happened? Looks like they locked up, and Ichinojo basically walked him out. He didn't seem to hit anything on the way out of the dohyo...

# ? Jul 5, 2021 13:19

Liquid Communism: Mar 9, 2004; коммунизм хранится в яичках

Hakuho is not playing around.

Chinook posted:

What actually happened? Looks like they locked up, and Ichinojo basically walked him out. He didn't seem to hit anything on the way out of the dohyo...

I think he popped his shoulder/elbow on the tachiai.

# ? Jul 5, 2021 14:35

Robviously: Aug 21, 2010; Genius. Billionaire. Playboy. Philanthropist.

Requesting to trade Takakeisho for Teru/Hak/Sho in that order.

# ? Jul 5, 2021 14:48

some kinda jackal: Feb 25, 2003; �
�

In better news, notable hairy bear Takayasu is back from kyujo tomorrow.

# ? Jul 5, 2021 15:04

some kinda jackal: Feb 25, 2003; �
�

anakha posted:

It looks like the injury was to Keisho's arm/elbow. Given how aggressive his tachiai usually is, I don't think this is really Itchy's fault.

Hey hey hey now, my irrational dislikes doesn�t listen to logic :haw:

# ? Jul 5, 2021 15:05

Halloween Jack: Sep 12, 2003; I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!

I have more discipline than Shonanzakura. I'm going to eat soup until I make it into fantasy makuuchi.

# ? Jul 5, 2021 15:17

Communist Thoughts: Jan 7, 2008; Our war against free speech cannot end until we silence this bronze beast!

Robviously posted:

Requesting to trade Takakeisho for Teru/Hak/Sho in that order.

i, too, request precisely this trade if my boy is done for

e: also good to see after bringing the arm bar to sumo to defeat enho they're now also dabbling in striking

# ? Jul 5, 2021 15:20

anakha: Sep 16, 2009

Halloween Jack posted:

I have more discipline than Shonanzakura. I'm going to eat soup until I make it into fantasy makuuchi.

If you can master this chanko nabe recipe, you'll get there in no time! :haw:

# ? Jul 5, 2021 15:23

net work error: Feb 26, 2011

Scary injury :ohdear:

# ? Jul 5, 2021 15:32

Sub Rosa: Jun 9, 2010

Oh man I missed fantasy because I missed there is a new thread. RIP my rank.

# ? Jul 5, 2021 15:39

Charles Gnarwin: Jul 31, 2014; I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION.

he knows...

Hakuho was not loving around with Endo. No belt fighting, just slapping until it�s done.

For the first 10 seconds, I thought Wakatakakage was gonna do it but then the inevitable set in. Feels like you have such a narrow window to beat Terunofuji these days.

Ura definitely deserved a mono-ii and I think they would have at least called a torinaoshi if not outright giving it to Ura if they went to video.

Poor Enho. I hope they are serious about the concussion protocol but, man, dude can�t catch a break.

# ? Jul 5, 2021 15:41

pseudodragon: Jun 16, 2007

Eventful tourney so far at least if not for the right reasons. The Enho-Takagenji match was pretty nuts.

Trade request inside:

Takakeisho for Teru/Shodai/Hak

# ? Jul 5, 2021 15:48

Neodoomium: Jun 20, 2001; You are now hearing this
noise in your head.

I am 2/15ths of the way to my destiny of a 30-45 record, all 2-3s

# ? Jul 5, 2021 16:27

bessantj: Jul 27, 2004

Charles Gnarwin posted:

Ura definitely deserved a mono-ii and I think they would have at least called a torinaoshi if not outright giving it to Ura if they went to video.

I thought that on the replay you can clearly see Ura's heel hit the ground outside the ring first. It was a good match but Chiyonoo won.

Feel a bit sorry for Endo so far. Day one a visit from a vengeful Terunofuji who beats him soundly then a boxing match from Hakuho on day two.

# ? Jul 5, 2021 16:29

some kinda jackal: Feb 25, 2003; �
�

I need Wakatakakage to run the table from here on out :mad:

# ? Jul 5, 2021 16:30

Foehammer007: Dec 7, 2011; by Pragmatica

Martytoof posted:

I need Wakatakakage to run the table from here on out

same

# ? Jul 5, 2021 16:30

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# ? Jun 11, 2024 22:28

Scythe: Jan 26, 2004

Also requesting to trade Takakeishou for Teru/Hakuhou/Shoudai. The Y/O and S/K picks are gonna need to be combined at this rate.

# ? Jul 5, 2021 16:38

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > Sumo wrestling - huge men, massive hits, gigantic macarons

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