- deep dish peat moss
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2024. The Coca Cola corporation runs for the office of President of the United States. In a shocking move it announces Pepsi Cola as its Vice President. The methodology is simple - anyone who does not love Coca Cola loves Pepsi Cola.
The pair is a shoe-in and wins by a landslide. Four months later Pepsi Cola declares bankruptcy, a shock to everyone. The Juul Corporation moves in as a replacement Vice President.
The U.S. Government, by now synonymous with Coca Cola, deciphers the secret Pepsi Cola formula and begins manufacture of it. Pepsi Cola soon flows freely through taps and faucets across America.
By the next year, people bathe in Pepsi Cola. They brush their teeth with Pepsi Cola. Babies are nursed on Pepsi Cola. You think this was a bad branding move by Coca Cola? WRONG! With Pepsi Cola converted to a public service, the American People rush out their doors to spend their hard-earned money on Coca Cola - the better one, the Presidential one.
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Jul 4, 2021 00:26
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- Adbot
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May 30, 2024 13:11
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- deep dish peat moss
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The U.S. Government officially remixes the concept of a Soda Fountain and includes their new technology in every type of Fountain on earth. Soon enough, international law forbids the flow of any other liquid through a fountain.
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Jul 4, 2021 00:27
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- deep dish peat moss
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In a State of the Union Address, the Coca Cola company announces that the name of Cocaine will be changed to something less similar to a U.S. staple such as Coca Cola. This is important to clean up America's image, it says. The new name hasn't been finalized yet, but among the frontrunners are Barq, Faygone, and Jone.
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Jul 4, 2021 00:30
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- deep dish peat moss
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The United States briefly considers rebranding itself as "New U.S." in an attempt to be more appealing to foreign governments. It would be the same government, but with a little more sweet talk and a new name.
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Jul 4, 2021 00:32
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- selan dyin
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2024. The Coca Cola corporation runs for the office of President of the United States. In a shocking move it announces Pepsi Cola as its Vice President. The methodology is simple - anyone who does not love Coca Cola loves Pepsi Cola.
The pair is a shoe-in and wins by a landslide. Four months later Pepsi Cola declares bankruptcy, a shock to everyone. The Juul Corporation moves in as a replacement Vice President.
The U.S. Government, by now synonymous with Coca Cola, deciphers the secret Pepsi Cola formula and begins manufacture of it. Pepsi Cola soon flows freely through taps and faucets across America.
By the next year, people bathe in Pepsi Cola. They brush their teeth with Pepsi Cola. Babies are nursed on Pepsi Cola. You think this was a bad branding move by Coca Cola? WRONG! With Pepsi Cola converted to a public service, the American People rush out their doors to spend their hard-earned money on Coca Cola - the better one, the Presidential one.
i have anxiety
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Jul 4, 2021 02:12
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- FutonForensic
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I am going to drink the President of the United States.
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Jul 4, 2021 04:25
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- Escape From Noise
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Is there an uptick in interest in the classic Negativland album Dispepsi among the general population, or just weird music nerds like me?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrYXvNSTcmQ
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Jul 4, 2021 16:41
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- Escape From Noise
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Out in the wilderness, soda survivalists run pop up pop shops selling their contraband beverages made from roots, bark, berries, herbs, and spices foraged from the forest or traded for along secret supply routes.
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Jul 4, 2021 16:43
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- Escape From Noise
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RC Cola tries to run under a third party ticket, briefly gaining momentum midway through the race after Coca Cola's "Coca Cola and Pepsi are basically the same" gaff, but ultimately gets only a handful of votes, and no electoral college wins.
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Jul 4, 2021 16:51
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- Macnult
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I am going to drink the President of the United States.
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Jul 4, 2021 18:22
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- Armitage
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"Mathman's not here." "Oh? Where is he?" "He's in the Mathroom."
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I wouldn't be too surprised if something like this happens in our lifetimes
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Jul 4, 2021 19:55
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- deep dish peat moss
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Yeah actually this thread is not a joke and was based on the realization that corporations count as people and they meet all the requirements for running for president of the US.
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Jul 4, 2021 21:05
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- take the moon
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by sebmojo
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I am going to drink the President of the United States.
drat
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Jul 4, 2021 22:38
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- deep dish peat moss
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President Coca-Cola doesn't fly in Air Force One. All the turbulence makes the president fizz, and that's not a great public image.
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Jul 5, 2021 01:31
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- Escape From Noise
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Coca-Cola's as good as won the election
They're free to just sit and gloat
But a new candidate has entered the race
A dashing buckskin coat!
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Jul 5, 2021 01:45
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- Escape From Noise
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And there goes President Coca-Cola accompanied by the Fizz Lady
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Jul 5, 2021 01:46
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- snergle
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A kind little mouse!
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Don't blame me, i voted for Dr. Pepper.
its weird coca cola made dr pepper the director of hud they know nothing about housing they live in a bottle.
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Jul 5, 2021 16:47
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- WithoutTheFezOn
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Oh no
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George A&W Bush.
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Jul 5, 2021 17:54
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- take the moon
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by sebmojo
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lol
making me think of the president o'burger denies waterboarding thread or whatever it was
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Jul 5, 2021 20:23
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- deep dish peat moss
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Jul 5, 2021 23:58
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- FutonForensic
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Jul 6, 2021 01:17
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- frump truck
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hello... again!
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I am going to drink the President of the United States.
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Jul 6, 2021 04:02
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- Adbot
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May 30, 2024 13:11
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