OSHA IV: NO SAFETY - SMOKING FIRST - The Something Awful Forums

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coupedeville: Jan 1, 2012; MY ANACONDA DOM'T WANT NONE UNLESS U GOT CUM SON!

You should be drug tested before you're allowed to post in the OSHA thread and randomly drug tested after your posting privileges are first instated.

Edit: a page snipe with an awful post like this? No bother going in for my something awful drug testing since I'm gonna fail anyway. Gimme a sixer.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Jul 7, 2021 21:43

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# ? Jun 4, 2024 18:08

Antigravitas: Dec 8, 2019; Die Rettung fuer die Landwirte:

Ror posted:

I do think Staplerfahrer Klaus could have done with a lot more crack-smoking montages.

Do note that Staplerfahrer Klaus would never be tested for drugs because that would be illegal. There are very few jobs where that would be legal � pilots, doctors and so on.

# ? Jul 7, 2021 21:51

Nenonen: Oct 22, 2009; Mulla on aina kolkyt donaa taskussa

Powershift posted:

And the tank asked the SUV "why did you tip us? now we'll both sink" and the SUV said "it's in my nature"

However, I will have to comment that it is also the nature of the BTR-60 to sink if something is just slightly off. In 1991 seven Finnish conscripts drowned in what was meant to be a fun amphibious exercise where the unit crosses a lake in BTR's. The mindset of the officers was that the BTR is an unsinkable boat so they overloaded one of the vehicles in the column and did this unevenly, with more weight in the rear. Seven men were inside and seven on the deck, four of them officers. As part of the exercise the vehicles were camoed, which made it harder to notice just eyeballing that the vehicle was unbalanced to its rear. Camoflage also made it harder to notice if water was getting in through open hatches. Ten minutes to the trip someone noticed that motor was overheating, and engine hatches were opened to let air flow. Then some water got inside the vehicle and despite pumping, 20 minutes into the trip there was so much water that a steam cloud came out of the engine compartment, then the rear sank and within one second the whole APC was beneath the waves and the seven conscripts inside drowned.

Accident investigation with simulated weights on the rear deck of a BTR.

# ? Jul 7, 2021 21:52

FCKGW: May 21, 2006

ekuNNN posted:

https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qvvusedSYo1r0uzl6.mp4

I like that the back end of the car is normal under they back up out of frame only to return to a trunk in the shape of a taco.

# ? Jul 7, 2021 21:52

Mr. Creakle: Apr 27, 2007; Protecting your virginity

coupedeville posted:

You should be drug tested before you're allowed to post in the OSHA thread and randomly drug tested after your posting privileges are first instated.

Edit: a page snipe with an awful post like this? No bother going in for my something awful drug testing since I'm gonna fail anyway. Gimme a sixer.

I won't for this particular post but if you guys don't shut the gently caress up about drug testing, the probes will begin.

# ? Jul 7, 2021 22:11

mostlygray: Nov 1, 2012; BURY ME AS I LIVED, A FREE MAN ON THE CLUTCH

Azathoth posted:

Yeah, in the US if a potential employer calls up a former employer and the former employer talks poo poo about the employee they absolutely can be sued for it. How often that happens in practice, I have no idea, but the company I work for has a strict policy of only confirming job titles and dates of employment. At a minimum, companies do legit fear this.

To get around this, a lot of places will demand references from every past job, and will look really poorly on anyone who cannot, basically assuming that if there's no reference, they were a bad employee. And that's aside from smaller industries where everyone knows everyone and potential employees can get an off-the-record comment on an employee via a phone call so there's no paper trail to subpoena if the person doesn't get the job.

You speak in code about previous staff when you get a call for a reference or if you call out for a reference from a previous employer for a potential new hire.
If the person was good, you say "They're the best person I've ever worked with. If I had 3 Jim's I could fire 10 employees." That sort of hyperbole.
If the person was awful, you say, they worked from Date X to Date Y, they are eligible to re-apply for employment.
If they were really bad, i.e. theft, showing up to work stoned, killing someone, that sort of thing, you say "They are not eligible to apply for employment with us." Never say any details.

This keeps you safe from lawsuits because you never bad mouthed them. You just answered questions. I assure you, there are people that will go to the state if you give them a bad reference.

# ? Jul 7, 2021 22:55

Archduke Frantz Fanon: Sep 7, 2004

coupedeville posted:

You should be drug tested before you're allowed to post in the OSHA thread and randomly drug tested after your posting privileges are first instated.

Edit: a page snipe with an awful post like this? No bother going in for my something awful drug testing since I'm gonna fail anyway. Gimme a sixer.

after each post please send pee samples to:

Something Awful Compliance
c/o Jeffery of Yospos
po box 42069
new york, ny

# ? Jul 7, 2021 23:55

jetz0r: May 10, 2003; Tomorrow, our nation will sit on the throne of the world. This is not a figment of the imagination, but a fact. Tomorrow we will lead the world, Allah willing.

mostlygray posted:

You speak in code about previous staff when you get a call for a reference or if you call out for a reference from a previous employer for a potential new hire.
If the person was good, you say "They're the best person I've ever worked with. If I had 3 Jim's I could fire 10 employees." That sort of hyperbole.
If the person was awful, you say, they worked from Date X to Date Y, they are eligible to re-apply for employment.
If they were really bad, i.e. theft, showing up to work stoned, killing someone, that sort of thing, you say "They are not eligible to apply for employment with us." Never say any details.

This keeps you safe from lawsuits because you never bad mouthed them. You just answered questions. I assure you, there are people that will go to the state if you give them a bad reference.

I had boss that would just talk poo poo about any employee that used her a reference. Either because she didn't like them, or because she was pissed that they wanted to stop working for her.

What the gently caress is a min wage employee going to do? Court stuff is too expensive for someone making $20k/yr.

# ? Jul 8, 2021 01:25

Boba Pearl: Dec 27, 2019; by Athanatos

I got a 25k settlement from someone who bad mouthed me to new employers, and I got in on recording by having my friend ask at the beginning "Hey, I need to get a reference for BobaPearl? Do you mind if I record this for training purposes?" And they said yes, and then proceeded to say I was one of the worst employees ever, regularly showed up high, and bricked multiple iPhones.

e: The lawyer worked in exchange for like a % of the settlement if we got money, and she chased that fucker dowwwwwn.

# ? Jul 8, 2021 02:30

Boba Pearl: Dec 27, 2019; by Athanatos

Boba Pearl posted:

I got a 25k settlement from someone who bad mouthed me to new employers, and I got in on recording by having my friend ask at the beginning "Hey, I need to get a reference for BobaPearl? Do you mind if I record this for training purposes?" And they said yes, and then proceeded to say I was one of the worst employees ever, regularly showed up high, and bricked multiple iPhones.

e: The lawyer worked in exchange for like a % of the settlement if we got money, and she chased that fucker dowwwwwn.

e2: There was also an agreement about the kind of references he would give going forward, though I've mostly just left him off my job history at this point.

# ? Jul 8, 2021 02:36

Bad Munki: Nov 4, 2008; We're all mad here.

Archduke Frantz Fanon posted:

after each post please send pee samples to:

Something Awful Compliance
c/o Jeffery of Yospos
po box 42069
new york, ny

Have been for years

# ? Jul 8, 2021 02:40

iroc.dis: Mar 15, 2013

To get this back on track. I'm not great at embedding stuff from IG so here are a couple links:

Gantry crane vs Forklift.
Forklift operator lives but unfortunately suffers a spinal injury. There's no gore but if you have an issue seeing someone get nearly crushed by a crane, probably don't click it.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CQ9Lh8ZJbu8/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet

Aftermath pictures:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CQ9iSftnMyT/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

# ? Jul 8, 2021 02:45

DiHK: Feb 4, 2013; by Azathoth

Piss test samples are stored in Jefferys' balls.

# ? Jul 8, 2021 03:13

coupedeville: Jan 1, 2012; MY ANACONDA DOM'T WANT NONE UNLESS U GOT CUM SON!

Archduke Frantz Fanon posted:

after each post please send pee samples to:

Something Awful Compliance
c/o Jeffery of Yospos
po box 42069
new york, ny

Is there any way I can submit my samples with a local compliance facility? I've had issues in the past with sending bodily waste through the US postal service and they'll come down hard on me if I start that poo poo up again

# ? Jul 8, 2021 03:16

`Nemesis: Dec 30, 2000; railroad graffiti

boom goes the container ship?

https://www.cnn.com/2021/07/07/middleeast/dubai-fire-port-jebel-ali-intl/index.html

# ? Jul 8, 2021 03:16

jetz0r: May 10, 2003; Tomorrow, our nation will sit on the throne of the world. This is not a figment of the imagination, but a fact. Tomorrow we will lead the world, Allah willing.

Boba Pearl posted:

I got a 25k settlement from someone who bad mouthed me to new employers, and I got in on recording by having my friend ask at the beginning "Hey, I need to get a reference for BobaPearl? Do you mind if I record this for training purposes?" And they said yes, and then proceeded to say I was one of the worst employees ever, regularly showed up high, and bricked multiple iPhones.

e: The lawyer worked in exchange for like a % of the settlement if we got money, and she chased that fucker dowwwwwn.

Nice! Glad that worked out for you.

# ? Jul 8, 2021 03:21

Wasabi the J: Jan 23, 2008; MOM WAS RIGHT

Boba Pearl posted:

I got a 25k settlement from someone who bad mouthed me to new employers, and I got in on recording by having my friend ask at the beginning "Hey, I need to get a reference for BobaPearl? Do you mind if I record this for training purposes?" And they said yes, and then proceeded to say I was one of the worst employees ever, regularly showed up high, and bricked multiple iPhones.

e: The lawyer worked in exchange for like a % of the settlement if we got money, and she chased that fucker dowwwwwn.

There are lawyers who will work on contingency. I need to find out how to get a real lawyer.

# ? Jul 8, 2021 03:37

mom and dad fight a lot: Sep 21, 2006; Can't post for 25 days!

mostlygray posted:

You speak in code about previous staff when you get a call for a reference or if you call out for a reference from a previous employer for a potential new hire.
If the person was good, you say "They're the best person I've ever worked with. If I had 3 Jim's I could fire 10 employees." That sort of hyperbole.
If the person was awful, you say, they worked from Date X to Date Y, they are eligible to re-apply for employment.
If they were really bad, i.e. theft, showing up to work stoned, killing someone, that sort of thing, you say "They are not eligible to apply for employment with us." Never say any details.

This keeps you safe from lawsuits because you never bad mouthed them. You just answered questions. I assure you, there are people that will go to the state if you give them a bad reference.

As I understood you shouldn't give a bad reference unless you can back it up. Keep a paper trail at least.

A lot of the plumbing work in my hometown was reputation based. I didn't have a reputation at all coming out of trades school (good or bad), so I never got picked up for work. Pretty sure it was the same story for a lot of the construction jobs there.

# ? Jul 8, 2021 03:50

Red Rox: Aug 24, 2004; Motel Midnight off the hook

Here's my one and only drug-testing story:

I had been working in the Middle East for 2 years, so I hadn't done any drugs cause it wasn't really worth the risk. I moved to Sweden in 2010 and it took me like 4-5 months to get a job, since my Swedish wasn't good enough then and it was a very competitive job market. So I accepted the offer, signed the contract, and my start date was set for the following Monday.

To celebrate finally getting a job, my wife and I decided to take a long weekend in Barcelona to celebrate. This included smoking quite a lot of hash.

I turn up for work on Monday and as part of my induction I'm told to book myself a time at a nearby lab for a drug test. Awesome! I work in design/marketing, but a decent percentage of the team worked on an assembly line with heavy machinery, so the drug testing was 'for their safety' and everyone in the company had to do it 'to be fair'.

I drank a shitload of water before the test, and my pee was too diluted to get a decent result. And by the time I could book another test, it was a week later and I passed fine. Not sure what they would have done if I failed. Soon after that, I was chatting with another guy in the management team, who had been there for more than a year, and he said he just never bothered to do the test. No one had bothered following up with him about it.

So yeah gently caress drug testing.

# ? Jul 8, 2021 03:55

Boba Pearl: Dec 27, 2019; by Athanatos

It's almost like having cabal of business owners who all go out of their way to share information about their employees and keep blackball lists harm workers?

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Jul 8, 2021 03:55

DelphiAegis: Jun 21, 2010

zedprime posted:

Another proposal: drug testing is still allowed but HR needs to keep all the piss "just in case" for auditing. Any compromise of the piss archive renders the program void.

Piss is stored in the vault.

# ? Jul 8, 2021 03:56

Uthor: Jul 9, 2006; Gummy Bear Heaven ... It's where I go when the world is too mean.

Red Rox posted:

I turn up for work on Monday and as part of my induction I'm told to book myself a time at a nearby lab for a drug test. Awesome! I work in design/marketing, but a decent percentage of the team worked on an assembly line with heavy machinery, so the drug testing was 'for their safety' and everyone in the company had to do it 'to be fair'.

Did customer support at a factory and I would go out to eat with the engineering team. They'd take an hour at least and have like 4 beers before going back to the office, every day. One of the guys was the controls guy and he'd be climbing all over the machinery fixing their robots. I never drank with them cause, you know, heavy machinery.

# ? Jul 8, 2021 04:15

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

ekuNNN posted:

https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qvvusedSYo1r0uzl6.mp4

Okay, the car reversing out of frame after the initial hit, then reappearing with a massive dent in the back was comedy loving gold.

# ? Jul 8, 2021 05:57

Son of Thunderbeast: Sep 21, 2002

https://twitter.com/Chase_Hend/status/1412789882708279303

# ? Jul 8, 2021 06:11

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

Megillah Gorilla posted:

Okay, the car reversing out of frame after the initial hit, then reappearing with a massive dent in the back was comedy loving gold.

Drunk as gently caress or baby's first driving lesson?

# ? Jul 8, 2021 06:27

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Panic plus confusing the brake and accelerator, I'm guessing.

Also, probably drunk, yes.

# ? Jul 8, 2021 08:01

The Lone Badger: Sep 24, 2007

Son of Thunderbeast posted:

https://twitter.com/Chase_Hend/status/1412789882708279303

Is that Osha Bear?

# ? Jul 8, 2021 08:02

Xaintrailles: Aug 14, 2015

Boba Pearl posted:

proceeded to say I was one of the worst employees ever, regularly showed up high, and bricked multiple iPhones.

Was it true?

# ? Jul 8, 2021 08:23

Pigsfeet on Rye: Oct 22, 2008; I'm meat on the hoof

Jesus, that forklift vs gantry crane page has some beauties.
https://www.instagram.com/p/COVmTHzHuK2/

# ? Jul 8, 2021 12:17

dialhforhero: Apr 3, 2008; Am I 🧑‍🏫 out of touch🤔? No🧐, it's the children👶 who are wrong🤷🏼‍♂️

I misread that piss sample address with the PO box and thought it was trying to be a zip code. Turns out 42069 is a valid zip code for Lowes, KY.

# ? Jul 8, 2021 13:38

Ornamental Dingbat: Feb 26, 2007

Lol at my first job at a convenience store when I was a shithead teenager I straight-up stole money from the till and walked off the job when the new manager started sniffing around and he still gave me a good reference when I applied for a job somewhere else.

# ? Jul 8, 2021 13:54

LifeSunDeath: Jan 4, 2007; still gay rights and smoke weed every day

Ornamental Dingbat posted:

Lol at my first job at a convenience store when I was a shithead teenager I straight-up stole money from the till and walked off the job when the new manager started sniffing around and he still gave me a good reference when I applied for a job somewhere else.

Worked at starbux in the late 90's and this gal started the same time I did...poo poo devolved to her taking near hour long bathroom breaks and clearly being on heroin...which went on too long, but she didn't lose her job...then she just left work one day, with a full till of money. And somehow, likely due to some inappropriate relationship with the store manager, wasn't fired, but did quit after coming back a few more times to sort of work. Pretty fun job tbh.

# ? Jul 8, 2021 14:00

Howard Beale: Feb 22, 2001; It's like this, Peanut

Worked at a call center where one day the meth head two rows over stood up mid-shift, took his shirt off, ran a few screaming laps around the cubicles until they chased him outside, and was back at work the next day like nothing had happened.

# ? Jul 8, 2021 14:22