(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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Thanks. I don't know you guys but i needed that. It feels good to type it out and cry. They discovered a tumor on his liver. With him being 15 years old, even if it's benign, recovery seems hard. Getting a chest xray now to see if it's spread before throwing in the towel. I'm an absolute wreck.
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Jul 6, 2021 16:49
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| # ? May 25, 2024 00:49 |
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Im having another bad time. Trying to keep informed about COVID is driving me to utter despair. This will never be over, leaving the house is a throw of the dice to see if you get infected or not and potentially get disabled for life. Other people everywhere in the world just dont care, governments dont care. I will never be able to do any social activity ever again. I cant even exercise properly without a mask that exhausts me and I will likely be forbidden from using in a public place. My life will be jogging alone, working alone, forever. I missed the boat on friends, relationships, everything. I will die utterly alone. And I cant even kill myself because it would upset my parents who I care about despite them dismissing all my concerns and still looking at me as a success object. I dont know how anyone copes. My therapist is full on dont be so negative mode. No one wants to acknowledge the problem. This is hell. We live in hell. I just want it to stop. Somebody has issued a correction as of 17:21 on Jul 8, 2021 |
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Jul 6, 2021 17:02
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Josherino posted:That self-awareness is seriously key to recovery my friend. hey. thanks for the offer! I do a lot of mindfulness stuff but sometimes life is just too much. I could almost certainly learn more so I may take you up on that! I will say this was my best 4th of July in probably a decade. watched a movie and took a nice warm bath before bed to chill out. between my CPAP and music I didn't hear poo poo.
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Jul 6, 2021 19:34
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Consummate Professional posted:hey. thanks for the offer! I do a lot of mindfulness stuff but sometimes life is just too much. I could almost certainly learn more so I may take you up on that! that's awesome. what movie was it?
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Jul 6, 2021 19:47
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the new Bill and Ted movie. Not bad at all considering how much time has passed since the first two!
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Jul 6, 2021 19:59
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Still trying to complete projects which has been one of the most grounding activities I could do. I unfortunately have other chores I really don't want to deal with, but I keep pushing a bit each day. 6 months ago I couldn't plan complex tasks 8 months ago I couldn't function Still depressed and sad, which honestly might be with me for the rest of my life. Maybe this's as good as it gets.
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Jul 6, 2021 23:44
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Hey mental health friends. My cat died. He was 18 and kind of a jerk, but whenever I walk around and I'm not harassed, it's a little sad. Good luck with everything. Y'all are good people.
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Jul 7, 2021 00:29
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AceOfFlames posted:Im having another bad time. I constantly think about this, you are not alone. I wish I could help.
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Jul 7, 2021 03:29
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Hello CSPAM mental health thread. I need somewhere to whine that my transcranial magnetic stimulation effects are wearing off twice as fast as the first time I did it and its absolutely heart breaking. And now I have to decide if doing another 2 months of treatments for maybe another 3-6 months of normalcy? is worth it. The first round lasted me a year and up until october last year then I did it again and now its worn off already. I had come to total terms that medication wasn't something that was going to work for me but I was really hoping physical action would be longer. This is all at the point where its so niche that even talking about it loving blows because its even beyond what my psychiatrist seems to understand how to handle so I guess I can just whine about it. And I think I officially have to start seeing a therapist because my psychiatrist has done as much as she can with her referral to the neuropsych. At this point I dont know what I want to do next because committing that much time every day to a treatment that seems to have a rapidly diminishing rate of returns sucks so bad. Also the sound of the magnetic pulse was starting to make me flinch uncontrollably. lol I even changed jobs 3 weeks ago hoping that it was just a slump in my mental state because of the aviation industry being a black hole. I've even been trying to push it off by hiking a few miles every day now. I need to figure out where to go from here and it sucks. Just shove it into a box I guess lol you know what's super hosed? I googled TMS diminishing returns to see if anyone else had had similar experience and instead I get this poo poo. http://www.psychrecoveryinc.com/tms/pdf/CostEffectiveness.pdf also I do love finding absolutely bonkers scientific slide sets. https://www.bbrfoundation.org/sites/default/files/pdfs/aug-2019-webinar-slides.pdf in conclusion: Treatment Resistant Depression is the absolute loving pits. Luckily ideations haven't kicked back in yet.
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Jul 7, 2021 06:43
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silicone thrills posted:
 My local NAMI affiliate has a monthly forum, where we invite someone related to the mental health field to speak. Not too long ago, a psychiatrist gave a presentation on exercise and mental health. He claimed that exercise has been shown to be as effective as medication. I did a bit of googling, and found some studies that back up the claim. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5430071/ Kudos to you for taking the initiative. Hiking is awesome! Regarding covid concerns: When I finally got vaccinated, it was a HUGE load off my mind. I know it's not 100% effective, and I know the vaccine won't last forever. I was very relieved when my immediate family members received the vaccine, too. My biggest worry was bringing it home to them. Many people are apathetic at best about responding to covid, and a number of people are actively hostile to doing the bare minimum to ensure people's safety. I find this very upsetting. I don't want to sound too cynical, but I see our covid response as a microcosm of global climate change. Many institutions have proven themselves to be totally incapable of handling problems on such a large scale. Covid is bad, but the danger it presents is relatively small compared to global warming. With both issues, there's a massive amount of gaslighting going on. If I spend too much time thinking about it, I feel like I'm going crazy. It's genuinely upsetting when someone who professes to care about and understand the issue tells me that electric cars are going to solve the problem. I try to focus on what is actually under my control, and not give the idea too much power. Regarding pets: Losing a pet is so hard. I try to reassure myself by considering that I give my pets the happiest, longest life I can. They're basically family, and are an amazing coping mechanism. I had a Yorkshire Terrier who lived to 17. His name was Bruiser, because he was the biggest of the litter. I really struggled with his passing, but now I'm left with nothing but the good memories. He had an awesome personality. He wasn't high-strung like his siblings, and loved to hang out around people. My favorite memory about him is when he ate most of a hot pocket. I didn't know what had happened, but I knew something was off when I picked him up. He was bigger than I had ever noticed. I put 2 and 2 together when my sister complained about her missing hot pocket. Regarding the thread itself: thehandtruck and josherino are great picks for IKs. They would have been my first choices, too. I'm glad to see so much activity in the thread. Getting feedback and support from other peers is a huge deal. Regarding my current state: I was up last time I checked in, and on the hypomanic side of things. After my post, the higher mood wore off. I bounced between being angry and sad for a few days, but then I evened out. For some reason, I thought that instability was behind me. I know the instability is diminished from before, which is an improvement. I'm just frustrated that it's happening, as I'm putting up with so many side-effects from the mood stabilizer. I'm drinking an absolutely ridiculous amount of water, and it still doesn't feel like enough. I'm considering whether or not I should seek a new psychiatrist and therapist. I really like my current ones, but I'm not sure the quality of care is up to par. I'm going out to lunch tomorrow with my friend who dealing with an abusive marriage. I've tempered my expectations since I first heard about what was going on. At first, I wanted to rush in and help. I don't know how much she wants to change the situation, and I'm not going to put her on the spot. I'll do my best to be supportive, though. She's extremely hard on herself, and believes she deserves the abuse. I challenge her negative beliefs about herself, because I do think highly of her. I know that's a bit ironic, because I have a tendency to put myself down and dismiss positive comments directed at me. I keep the negative comments to myself, and I don't argue with compliments. That's mostly just me maintaining some pride and trying not to bring others down. Recently, one person called me "very likeable" and another person called me a "beautiful person."  I'm doing my best to internalize the positive feedback. I let my hair grow out during covid, and I keep telling myself I'm going to cut it. However, people keep telling me that they like the long hair. I keep my hair clean, shiny and tangle-free, but it's a bit curly and looks frizzy and messy to me. I'm tempted to go to a salon and ask for advice, or even try braiding it. I've been toying with the idea of streaming games. I have friends who stream, and they actually have a following. Regardless of what I do, these things are indicators that my mood and self-esteem are improving.
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Jul 7, 2021 09:36
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silicone thrills posted:Hello CSPAM mental health thread. ya my current understanding of TCMS is its not supposed to be longterm, just shortterm enough to give you some breathing room so you get things on track. maybe thats wrong, was it advertised to u as something else? anyway yeah ur in a spot now for sure. good that your considering therapy though, that's the long term solution usually. u gotta think of it like a leftist right? depression isnt a localized tumor or something that can be eradicated and bam we're done. it's like with trump, leftists knew trump wasn't just some random aberration, he was a manifestation of the country's systemic issues. same thing with your brain and life right? your brain and your life are going to return to their homeostasis if the systemic issues arent changed/addressed. medication and TCMS arent equipped to do that, they're just kind of like biden. it's like okay ya cool trump's gone, why's the country still poo poo (and why am i still depressed?). hope that comes across right.
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Jul 7, 2021 17:04
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thehandtruck posted:ya my current understanding of TCMS is its not supposed to be longterm, just shortterm enough to give you some breathing room so you get things on track. maybe thats wrong, was it advertised to u as something else? If I can throw in something anecdotal and a little tangential, because I like the point you're making... I've had a lot of things that have helped me over time, good habits, eating healthy, the all too slow maturation of an Abby Normal brain, emotional literacy, therapy, and each time I start one and start feeling better, I think I figured it out and I'm "fixed." It's always a huge let down when I realize that I'm not "fixed" and all I have to show for it are improvements that don't seem worth it anymore, a better lovely life. When I look back at this pattern over the course of years, I can see that even the small improvements, even ones that didn't really stick, at least helped me to get to another step, and by taking lots of steps, I've gotten a little stronger, a little less miserable, and have found things that work a little better. I guess my point is it's ok to feel disappointed, but keep taking whatever steps you can. You might be able to look back and see that this helped you in the long run, even if it didn't accomplish what you wanted it to.
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Jul 7, 2021 17:25
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doing worse than ever really. money is dwindling as expected. I've tried to find a job and can't even get hired at walmart because I somehow failed their retail associates questionnaire in such a way that i can't even try again for 2 months. my wife is more miserable than she's ever been, and I can't do anything about it and I can't complain when she wakes up sobbing and yelling at 6 am and calls off work for a third time in a week because she can't handle it anymore because it's just so awful and unpleasant. I have constant intrusive thoughts about how worthless I am, about how much of a burden I am, about how fat I am, about how everyone around me would be better off if I were gone. I do not see any of these situations improving and I'm having more and more thoughts of self harm all the time. Even the things I am supposed to be enjoying doing, I just get upset because they don't go the way I want them to and then I make my wife even more miserable by my company. I really have nowhere and noone that I can really say any of this to because my wife is under too much pressure, facebook is a pointless void of people talking past each other and people who live 3000 miles away or whatever and none of those people want to hear any of it and nobody is equipped to say anything to me that would be helpful anyway. the solution is for me to get a job and get my wife away from this awful job she hates so much but i don't think I can. I'm dead weight, and I'm just getting heavier all the time. everything I do, everywhere I go, everyone i talk to just reminds me of what a failure I have turned out to be and how everything is just getting worse. everything is going to keep getting worse. I am withering, maybe I am fully withered already, and I have nowhere to go but down.
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Jul 7, 2021 21:38
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thehandtruck posted:ya my current understanding of TCMS is its not supposed to be longterm, just shortterm enough to give you some breathing room so you get things on track. maybe thats wrong, was it advertised to u as something else? It was 100% advertised to me as "probably long term, only do this once a year or so" not "it lasts for 12 months then it lasts for 6 months etc" I'm 33. I've been through 9 different SSRIs, therapy since I was 18. Severe suicidal ideations. I've done all the - eat right, work out, sleep on a schedule - poo poo my whole life to the point where everyone thinks im the most put together person they've ever met. TMS was a game changer. I walked over a bridge for the first time in my life 2 weeks into it and didn't feel any urge to jump. It was amazing. I had accepted completely that i'd need to do it yearly maybe. We even did a treatment that included a test of the other lobe to push against PTSD which was incredibly effective as well. The last legal avenue I have left is esketamine but both my neuropsych and my psychiatrist agreed its probably not a great route for me. It's all just insanely frustrating. I have a great life, great partner, great job etc. My chemicals are just wrong af and I get little tastes of getting them in check and then with in 6 months all medications stop working. Usually more like 4 is my schedule. Or im horrifically allergic to them like the time we tried lamictal. Not like it would have lasted long anyway lol. Anyway - anyone here ever have positive experiences with microdosing cubensis? Now that I havent been on any SSRIs for a few years it seems like a reasonable thing to try.
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Jul 8, 2021 03:14
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So, yeah. I promised an update, and here it is. After ten years, I'm leaving the Something Awful forums tonight. I've been pretty vocal about my criticisms of the admin staff even after the wifebeating piece of poo poo owner Lowtax was kicked out, and reinstating FYAD and letting a transphobe back on the board because they apologized to someone, somewhere, and then pinkie swore never to do it again hasn't helped. (Doubly so since I came out as nonbinary soon after.) I find myself looking around the forums and not laughing at things I did five years ago. I think I'm tired of cruelty based humor. Maybe I've grown up some, or at least grown old. Obviously I have taken steps to prepare this thread for a soft landing. I think thehandtruck and josherino will both do great jobs—truck especially, who I've been trying to get an IKship for like a year. If I have a last request, it's this: please continue to treat each other well and support each other through the tough times. This thread has been amazingly civil and full of good people with very little course correction needed. Most of us have been through some similar bad poo poo. Keep talking about it, and if you see anyone suffering, please reach out a hand. It's been real, y'all. I'm glad to helped any of you I could. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwrQXI4_mgo
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Jul 8, 2021 06:34
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Be well in life Chokes. You're a good person.
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Jul 8, 2021 07:03
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Chokes McGee posted:So, yeah. I promised an update, and here it is. Thank you so much for your work with this thread, when I was at my lowest a year or two ago I found it really helpful and I hope things work out for you
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Jul 8, 2021 07:08
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Pamela Springstein posted:Be well in life Chokes. You're a good person.
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Jul 8, 2021 07:39
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Pamela Springstein posted:Be well in life Chokes. You're a good person.
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Jul 8, 2021 07:41
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empty whippet box posted:doing worse than ever really. money is dwindling as expected. I've tried to find a job and can't even get hired at walmart because I somehow failed their retail associates questionnaire in such a way that i can't even try again for 2 months. my wife is more miserable than she's ever been, and I can't do anything about it and I can't complain when she wakes up sobbing and yelling at 6 am and calls off work for a third time in a week because she can't handle it anymore because it's just so awful and unpleasant. I have constant intrusive thoughts about how worthless I am, about how much of a burden I am, about how fat I am, about how everyone around me would be better off if I were gone. I do not see any of these situations improving and I'm having more and more thoughts of self harm all the time. Even the things I am supposed to be enjoying doing, I just get upset because they don't go the way I want them to and then I make my wife even more miserable by my company. I really have nowhere and noone that I can really say any of this to because my wife is under too much pressure, facebook is a pointless void of people talking past each other and people who live 3000 miles away or whatever and none of those people want to hear any of it and nobody is equipped to say anything to me that would be helpful anyway. Just wanted to say I read this and feel for you and completely relate as I was in the same position about five years ago. Had to change everything to change the outcome, but it worked. It may not be completely hopeless, even if it seems like it.
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Jul 8, 2021 12:23
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AceOfFlames posted:Im having another bad time. Also, nobody is going to forbid you from wearing a mask.
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Jul 8, 2021 15:23
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I honestly have forgotten what it's like to feel loved.
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Jul 8, 2021 15:34
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Chokes McGee posted:So, yeah. I promised an update, and here it is.  
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Jul 8, 2021 15:39
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Chokes McGee posted:So, yeah. I promised an update, and here it is. Good luck Chokes. Its been a pleasure. Youre a good person and hope everything goes well.
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Jul 8, 2021 15:45
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Pamela Springstein posted:Be well in life Chokes. You're a good person.
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Jul 8, 2021 15:53
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Pamela Springstein posted:Be well in life Chokes. You're a good person.
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Jul 8, 2021 16:13
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AceOfFlames posted:Im having another bad time. I think considering that this is was/is our first major pandemic that we've experienced in our lifetime - I want to start off by acknowledging your fears and letting you know that what you feel is valid. We all handle stressful situations like this differently, but I do know that there are baby steps we can take to help us bounce back when we've fallen short. I don't think anyone here can promise you perfect or better days, but I do know that there are individuals here that are willing to listen and hear stories about the steps you take to curb your fears down the road. Please reach out if you need some little recommendations here and there to help you get back out and get that oxygen flowing again.
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Jul 8, 2021 17:28
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Getting triggered at the training on trauma and triggers rules! Oh boy let's talk about all the negative outcomes for it and how it will be with me until I die early. But at least I'm getting minimum wage!!
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Jul 8, 2021 21:08
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Pamela Springstein posted:Be well in life Chokes. You're a good person.
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Jul 8, 2021 23:54
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tokin opposition posted:Getting triggered at the training on trauma and triggers rules! Oh boy let's talk about all the negative outcomes for it and how it will be with me until I die early. But at least I'm getting minimum wage!! hell ya. used to happen to me everytime we did trauma stuff too. never gets old, always funny. all around its a good bit
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Jul 9, 2021 04:49
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Consummate Professional posted:hey. thanks for the offer! I do a lot of mindfulness stuff but sometimes life is just too much. I could almost certainly learn more so I may take you up on that! Definitely happy to see your holiday went well! We ended up doing a big bbq bash; it was the first time my ex-wife and her new boyfriend met my fiances parents and hung out as a whole with my son. My anxiety was definitely on HIGH
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Jul 9, 2021 05:06
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tokin opposition posted:Getting triggered at the training on trauma and triggers rules! Oh boy let's talk about all the negative outcomes for it and how it will be with me until I die early. But at least I'm getting minimum wage!! I love being insanely hyper alert after workplace shooting trainings for like a week. They decided to run one at my office in downtown seattle right after a major incident 2 years ago happened less than a block from us and like the day after a car back fired while I was in westlake plaza and I dropped right to the fuckin ground chest down. and then I realized it was a back fire and just like gingerly got up and kept going. Anxiety went from like a 5 on a normal day to like a 9 the day of the thing then like an 11 for a week. totally cool world we live in to have PTSD in . silicone thrills has issued a correction as of 05:54 on Jul 9, 2021 |
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Jul 9, 2021 05:45
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Things are not good. Im really tired of not being okay.
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Jul 9, 2021 05:59
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I have nothing really to say other than that I can feel it deep down in my soul that I am going through a mental decline, much like my father did and his father before him starting at around my age. I know there is some debate over how hereditary mental illness is but I swear I'm losing my grip at things like controlling my inner monologue and not giving into my most immediate impulses. I'm seeing a doc today about ADHD meds so hopefully something will progress. I dunno, man. My thoughts are with everyone who's hurting ITT
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Jul 9, 2021 14:19
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Goth Odell Beckham posted:I have nothing really to say other than that I can feel it deep down in my soul that I am going through a mental decline, much like my father did and his father before him starting at around my age. I know there is some debate over how hereditary mental illness is but I swear I'm losing my grip at things like controlling my inner monologue and not giving into my most immediate impulses. Just wanted to drop in and give you some major kudos for seeing a doctor and getting some help - you don't have to share any details by any means, but it'd be awesome to know how you feel after the visit.
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Jul 9, 2021 18:04
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Any updates on India?
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Jul 9, 2021 20:06
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Crowsbeak posted:Any updates on India? not much what's India with you?
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Jul 9, 2021 23:10
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update: doc appointment went well. I got a Ritalin prescription and I look forward to seeing if it helps
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Jul 10, 2021 00:08
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Goth Odell Beckham posted:update: doc appointment went well. I got a Ritalin prescription and I look forward to seeing if it helps Awesome to hear - reach out if you ever need an ear while you push through this next chapter.
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Jul 10, 2021 03:09
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| # ? May 25, 2024 00:49 |
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I think my 13 year old greyhound will need to be put down this weekend  today is the worst day of my life, ugh. and what a terrible year this has been so far edit: she passed away this evening :| actionjackson has issued a correction as of 04:20 on Jul 11, 2021 |
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Jul 10, 2021 22:20
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