|
I have to admit, I’m enjoying this Totally Extreme, Dew-slamming take on Bond. It’s the way I would have written a Bond book when I was 14.
|
#
?
Jul 7, 2021 03:20
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 10, 2024 15:23 |
|
|
 It's like Dalton's Bond
|
|
#
?
Jul 7, 2021 03:34
|
|
|
It's not quite right, but I hesitate to call it all the way wrong.
|
|
#
?
Jul 7, 2021 04:23
|
|
|
Bonasera, as in the undertaker from The Godfather? Oh, and the "whipped at his senses" bit is from Diamonds Are Forever, when Bond first meets Tiffany.
|
|
#
?
Jul 7, 2021 04:44
|
|
|
It's kind of incredible how a book made by stitching random bits of other books and film scripts together ends up being so much more interesting than what Glidrose was paying for on purpose at this time.
|
|
#
?
Jul 7, 2021 19:39
|
|
|
quote:a black-and-white striped bikini that was sinfully tight at the bust and hips As opposed to the baggy bikinis all the other women were wearing?
|
|
#
?
Jul 7, 2021 21:21
|
|
|
Chapter 9: Love is Never Enoughquote:Early afternoon on the following day, Leiter inspected the new high-performance Chris-Craft 312 SL speedboat, which had arrived at Puerto Vallarta's harbour via a British freighter before dawn. In drydock for two years and originally built by the Q Branch before it was disbanded, the thirty-one-foot lightweight craft was designed for speed and perfection; twin four-hundred mercruisers to insure rapid departure and stabilized V-Hull for unmatched control in rough seas. Modified by Major Boothroyd before he transferred to the C.I.A., the boat carried electronic sensing devices and was protected by a light silico-aluminum armor.  The Chris-Craft 312 SL is part of their Stinger line of powerboats, which began production in 1982 after the boating division of Chris-Craft was sold to Murray Industries. They were famous at the time Hatfield wrote this for their use in racing, but there's likely one reason he picked it: the new TV show Miami Vice had just begun airing around the time of writing, and Crockett used a Stinger 390x during the first season before being replaced by the more famous Wellcraft SCARAB.  quote:Leiter lifted two large boxes onto the boat and climbed on after them, scarcely rocking the craft at all as he came aboard. Bond cast off the mooring line and steered the boat into the sea lane between rows of sailboats, fishing boats, cabin cruisers, and small yachts in the harbour. Wait, how can you tell there are no skylights? You're looking at a mansion from the water down below! quote:The grim grey face of the house was built on a clifftop of the Sierra Madres two hundred yards above the churning blue-green Pacific. A staircase cut into the stone zigzagged down the cliff from the high barbed-wire-bristling stone wall at the north side of the house. The staircase met a jetty of asphalt overlaid on boulders. The Buenaventura was anchored at the jetty, its hatches battened down with canvas. Floating idly beside it like a cork on a fishing line was a light twelve-foot, one-man Scorpion Hydrocopter. A single guard sat in a deck chair on the yacht, rifle across his lap, sleepily listening to a Sony Walkman. Your.....your strategy is to spy on them in the open and taunt them into shooting at you. I can't. quote:Bond went below, and returned with the compact binoculars. He adjusted the filter for glare, then focused the shirt-pocket size glasses on the balcony. "That's Chen, all right. Yellow skinned bastard... And that's Doberman with the white hair and the black patch over his eye. Who's the big Mexican dressed in the police uniform?" Bond passed the binoculars to Leiter. Trigger. I see. quote:Bond frowned and arched one eyebrow. "Are you telling me that earlier intelligence reports of Bill's abduction detailing the use of men dressed as police officers were wrong?" Admittedly accurate to Mexican police. quote:Doberman and Chen's gestures were angry, impatient. Maldonado knew enough not to argue. The woman, whose back was to Bond, nodded repeatedly. Language, Felix! quote:"The boat's bulletproof," Bond answered, smiling. There's more where that came from, folks. quote:Bond put another set of earphones on. The conditions for long-distance electronic eavesdropping were perfect: sound comes easily over water, and the wind was low, the ocean quiet. They lost some of the conversation in the occasional scream of a gull or the rumble of a passing overboat, but most of it came through with such spooky clarity that Bond felt he was standing at that white metal table at Chen's elbow. At least the villain is even dumber than Bond. quote:Bond peered through the small field glasses once again. The "Major" was the woman. Her hair was dark-brown and she wore it shoulder-length. Her bare arms and hands had a quality of repose, and the general impression of restraint in her appearance and movements was carried even to her fingernails, which were unpainted and cut short. Her dark-green skirt and matching blouse was an immaculate uniform. She lit a cigarette and smoked it without affection, drawing the smoke deeply into her lungs with a little sigh and then exhaling it casually through her lips and nostrils. Calm down, Bond. quote:"More men?" Doberman said testily. "But you said Bond works alone! He is only one! We already have six men assigned to us by the Major!" Felix is so left out. quote:"How many more men?" Doberman demanded. Sounding what? quote:Bond immediately recognized the voice as Russian. The voice also sounded familiar. Oh yeah, loving Anya Amasova is in this book too. Why not. quote:"Doberman has amassed quite a fortune for himself, Felix," Bond pondered aloud. "Now why does he need the KGB?" That's our Bond right? quote:"Do not trouble yourself with this man Bond, Major Amasova," Doberman continued. "I have had his photograph circulated throughout all the hotels in the area and I have located where he is staying. I understand he has a girlfriend there. If we take her..." Great job, Bond. quote:Leiter, shouting, "James, I really dislike being forced to exert myself this way!" returned fire with a rifle he'd taken from the cabin. Bullets dug into the deck, spitting splinters, but whined off the armor-covered body. But...he hasn't even decided what to do yet. quote:After leaving Leiter at the harbour with the boat, and driving the Porsche recklessly fast, it was almost five before Bond drove up to Posada La Brissa. The parking lot was sparsely populated so it didn't take him long to determine that Lotta's little white convertible Spyder wasn't there. Maybe... maybe she was okay, was away somewhere, swimming or sailing. Maybe they hadn't gotten her. Or maybe they'd gotten into her car with her and made her drive it away from the hotel so they'd be less noticeable when they took her. Maybe she was dead now. Like Tracy. Should have done nothing you've done so far, yes. quote:He pushed the regrets from his mind and asked the little old Mexican man at the front desk, "Have you seen Lotta - the owner's daughter?" My God, he's thinking in the third person now! quote:The Beretta was a friendly weight against his ribs under his left arm, and of course, the Porsche itself was a ready and formidable armory. Oh no, not her breasts! And their deep V! quote:As Bond slammed his foot onto the gas pedal, he caught a glimpse of a Mexican man on the passengers side of the sedan angling a Heckler and Koch 53 submachine gun at Lotta's wrecked car.  Another gun Hatfield probably got out of Soldier of Fortune. The HK53 isn't a submachine gun, but a 5.56mm carbine based on the same roller-delayed blowback system used for the G3 battle rifle, MP5 submachine gun, and HK33 assault rifle. The HK53 is a compact version with an 8.3" barrel, making it only slightly larger than an MP5. The HK33 and HK53 assault rifles did fairly well, but nowhere near as much as the G3 and MP5, so in the 1980s they would have been mostly seen in magazine articles touting how good they were and wondering why everyone was just buying M16s instead. quote:Seeing the flash of a gun from the corner of her eye, she threw herself to the right and down, below the level of the dashboard. The submachine gun belched fire and lead. Glass from the bullet-shattered windshield rained on her. He's going to burn himself on purpose for sympathy! quote:The blocky, potbellied Mexican stepped out of the blue sedan, his thick tatooed arms raising and aiming the submachine gun at the Porsche. That's a much less gory death than I expected from Hatfield. quote:Two cars had come down the road in the course of the gun battle and eventual explosion - both of them had stopped at the curve and began to back away. "Well, you see, when I go on a mission, I gently caress it up. Just real bad, every time." quote:A mile away, one of Klaus Doberman's olive green Bell AB47G helicopters moved further along the winding country road, slimming the treetops.  The Bell 47, in March 1946, was the first helicopter ever certified for civilian use. Over 5000 of these bare bones aircraft were produced by the end of the run in 1974 for both civilian and military usage around the world, including being license-built in Japan by Kawasaki. Pictured here is one of those, used in the film adaptation of You Only Live Twice for the battle with the Little Nellie autogyro. quote:Inside the rotary aircraft, Major Amasova sat in the backseat, shielding her eyes from the glaring sun with her hand. Fuji Chen sat in the front passenger's seat. A pair of high-powered binoculars hung around his neck. He drummed his fingers on the dash of the chopper as he scanned the relatively isolated stretch of highway beneath him, cocking his head to the left and then to the right, listening. Suddenly he thought he saw something ahead and signaled the pilot to rise higher and hover. Yeah, you did so well in your last appearance. quote:Chen ground his jaw. He hated this Russian bitch and hoped he would have to deal with her as little as possible in the future. He would let the Russians take Bond on and keep him busy until Chen could get what he came for. The Russians would keep 007 distracted long enough for the girl to be left alone. Those were Chen's orders: get the girl for sure. If he got Bond too, that was even better. But if he couldn't, well... once he had the girl, Bond was neutralized. At least that was what Doberman thought. I guess she has no choice but to gently caress him again when she catches him. quote:"You sure no one but your cousin knows you hid my toys in this place?" Bond asked as they entered the casita. What a fantastic love interest. Lotta Head, drunk driver! quote:Bond took her in his arms. "I know it was scary. But believe me, those guys were going to kill you. Maybe they'd take you prisoner first, but eventually Doberman would have gotten his hands on you. You've heard about him. You know what he's like. Maybe you don't believe me, but..." Never be sure with this guy. quote:Bond looked around appraisingly. It was a two-room casita - a main room with a kitchen, and bathroom. It was empty except for the crates, thick with dust and cobwebs, but apart from a few mouse holes it was intact. There was a fireplace opposite the doorway. Probably no running water, but they'd be comfortable for the night. They had stopped at the hotel to get sleeping bags and a few other things. They couldn't stay at Posada La Brissa - Doberman would send a follow-up crew there, and soon. They would hide out there for the night, until Bond could think of someplace that would be both comfortable and safe. The best thing would be to send Lotta away - but then Doberman might trace her, and Bond wouldn't be able to protect her. Maybe Felix could arrange something. Tomorrow. I'm sure he'll never do that! quote:Bond turned, was a little startled to see Lotta staring at his left leg. "You told me the bandages on your leg were there because you scraped yourself on some rocks, swimming," she said. "It was actually a sea urchin!" quote:"Is... is it bad?" Oh, very sympathetic of you! quote:"I'm okay." She said it a touch defensively. She went to the only closet, found a broom, and began to sweep the carpet of dust away from the floor in front of the fireplace. Clearing a place for them to sleep. Okay, who's ready for a very uncomfortable sex scene? quote:She nuzzled up his arm, down his chest, all the time her hand working to unzip his pants. She ducked her head over his hips and he felt her lips slide tightly over his iron-hard masculinity. He withdrew and pressed her onto the sleeping bags. He slid his hand under her dress. His fingers closed over the precious silk and he twisted it, wrenching his hand back. The silk tore like tissue paper under Bond's fingers. With his other hand he tore her halter top away so her spendid and faultless breasts bobbed with sudden release. The firelight fell in flickering fingers over those buoyant golden swells; it was like tiger stripes on her brown skin. Her nipples wrinkled, then stiffened to stand up as he ran the tip of his tongue over them, like berries becoming ripe and sweet in seconds. He sank his teeth into them - not hard enough to draw blood - and she moaned, writhing in the ecstatic mix of small pains and large pleasures. She spread her legs in invitation... Very normal things to picture while having sex. quote:And suddenly the tongue was out and the eyes rolled upwards and the body slipped down to the ground. But Bond followed it and knelt, his hands cramped around the powerful neck, seeing nothing, hearing nothing, in the terrible grip of blood lust... Bond opened his eyes to see Lotta undulating beneath him, murmuring "Harder, James... harder..." I'll say! quote:"Funny?" he pretended, humorously, to be offended. "What's so funny about it?" "Tell me, what were you thinking of in the middle of it?" quote:"Thanks, my dear. But it takes two to tango." Then he stroked her hair gently. "Lotta, I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again. It might be safer. Safer for you. I mean, my kind of life..." He shrugged.
|
|
#
?
Jul 10, 2021 23:15
|
|
|
That’s my James Bond: World’s Worst Spy, saving the day by being really good at blunt unthinking violence. This dude gets it!
|
|
#
?
Jul 11, 2021 00:01
|
|
|
Chapter 10: The Last Good Kissquote:Bond opened the door softly and stepped into the casita. He stood in the darkness for a moment, listening. The only sounds were the scurry of mice, the faint pop from dying embers in the fireplace, and Lotta's regular breathing. Good, she was still asleep. Quietly as he could, he set his tools down on the floor, then began assembling one of the weapons from a crate he had opened earlier. He did it quietly in the dark, by touch. He knew the weapon.  Our next Soldier of Fortune gun comes from an arms embargo. The US Navy SEALs were very fond of the Carl Gustaf m/45 "Swedish K" submachine gun, a reliable and inexpensive gun with a nice 36-round capacity. However, Sweden protested the use of their weapons in Vietnam and stopped selling to the US in 1967. Not wanting to give up their guns, Smith & Wesson was contracted to make a copy. The M76 was immediately made a top priority project, including the production of a limited number of integrally suppressed models like Bond has, and was finished in 9 months...at which point the SEALs had lost interest in the gun altogether and waved it off. It was a fine gun, very controllable, but there was little commercial demand for it and production ceased after 7 years. Several failed attempts were made over the decades to revive it, to no avail. quote:Bond had no definite reason to expect trouble. He only listened to his senses. Past experience had taught him that danger seldom approached without exciting a nerve ending somewhere. That's why Bond had set alarms and traps along the path to the casita. That's why he had assembled the Smith & Wesson M76 and brought out his infrared field glasses. That's why he intended to stay awake, tired though he was, all night long, to guard Lotta. Foolish, loyal, golden-bodied Lotta. Making sure to get a quick boob peek before going on patrol. quote:He went to the canvas bag of odds and ends, rummaged for the rugged MagCharger flashlight and the thermos of coffee. It could be a long night. Okay, good, the Soviets are just as stupid as Bond. quote:Bond scowled. After his successful diversionary tactics against Doberman's men on the highway, he had expected Major Amasova to mobilize her KGB agents for what she hoped would be the final confrontation with the British spy. Ah yes, the Marakov. quote:Bond sighed and padded to the fireplace and bent down on one knee beside Lotta. "Hey, babe." He shook her shoulder. I imagine these guys would try that trick unironically though. quote:He handed her the Beretta. She can make noise, you mean. quote:"I hope you won't have to. Get dressed and go into the bathroom. If the door can be barricaded, do it. There's a little window onto the back from the bathroom. If the place catches fire or they get me and come in after you, go out the window." It's not bullets! quote:"I know, Lotta. That's why they won't be coming from that way. But in an emergency, do it. Take along the sleeping bag and this stick - use them to keep most of the thorns away. It won't be fun, but you might slip past that way. If you crawl on the ground, sometimes there are tunnels, like archways made out of limbs of the cacti." He pulled her close, crushing her breasts against his chest and kissed her breathlessly. These boobs have taken so much abuse. quote:Major Amasova's eyes were white-hot with anger when she shone the flashlight on the young man's chest. There was a single stainless steel crossbow arrow protruding from the KGB agent's sternum. He was lying on his back, gasping, eyes wide staring up through the thorns. After a minute or two he stopped gasping as his eyes glazed over. Major Amasova reached out and closed the lids- "No human alive has ever survived contact with a cactus!" quote:Major Amasova turned around and signaled to her small band of KGB agents, and then calmly lit a cigarette, unperturbed, yet anxious for Bond's blood. Impossible, no man could ever get through a cactus patch by....crawling under them? quote:Bond's Smith & Wesson submachine gun was slung over his shoulder. In his right hand was a razor-sharp commando knife with a six-inch blade. He wore a pair of goggles to protect his eyes from thorns. On his back was a small pack containing the MagCharger flashlight and one other piece of equipment. I wonder what book or magazine Hatfield stole this one from. quote:Major Amasova and two of her men turned almost simultaneously to stare at the cacti. The prickly plants had rustled about five yards down the path and a few hundred yards into the morass of greenery. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qj1tWn8UGSY quote:After about ten minutes, he'd penetrated only a few yards into the cacti, and he realized he was going about it wrong. He dropped to his belly, began worming underneath the main stems and around the trunks, dragging his gun, and soon found the going easier. Still, his skin felt like it was on fire where the thorns raked him. He squinted to see through the blue-grey darkness; here and there, pale shifts of light outlined sheaves of thorny main stems. The ground was soft, giving a rich scent of rot and humus. The surface gradually sloped upward. He saw nothing like a man. But... Not the first time he's done that to her, I'm sure. quote:In his right hand was a second nylon line - this one was attached to the MagCharger flashlight about twenty yards behind him. He had dug a shallow hole in the humus, dropped in the flashlight, switched it on and quickly covered it. Then he'd crawled on. The line had grown taut and pulled the light from its concealment. It dragged along behind him, giving another false indication of his position. He heard two shots fired from the Marakov, glimpsed a muzzle flash out of the corner of his eye, some distance down the slope from him. He smiled. Someone was shooting at the flashlight. He crawled on, pulling the shining decoy through the cacti, tugging it loose now and then when it was snagged on thorns. He paused, took a dish-shaped land mine from the pack on his back, buried it under a thin layer of humus just behind him. He set it to detonate on a slight pressure, and then crawled on, dragging the nylon line close by the land mine. He would have to be careful the flashlight didn't move over the land mine and set it off too soon. It would be a shame to waste it, Bond laughed. This Bond's a bit, uh....sadistic? quote:Major Amasova spun on her boot heels when she heard the explosion, followed by a man's scream. Then she could see a flickering red light in the cacti - the explosion had started a small fire. She instructed the other agent to go back up the trail and enlist the backup agents' assistance. You're really visible if you chain smoke during a night op! quote:The dark-haired mustached young KGB agent tightened his sweaty grip on his AK 47 rifle, moving up the trail. There were two other agents ahead, in the trees, keeping an eye on the casita and the trail. They would- I bet you're hoping. quote:Bond crouched in the cacti, watching the agent. Then he heard bootsteps, two men talking softly in Russian as they came down the trail. The agent stood between Bond and the backups. Creative. quote:The Russians' screams splintered the cool night air. At the moment Major Amasova knew she'd been temporarily defeated. Bond had won the battle but not the war. She reached into her pocket, withdrew another cigarette and lit it. There was a glint in her eye as vengence boiled in her blood. Satisfied that tomorrow would be another day, she walked quickly back to her awaiting jeep and was soon gone from sight. That must have taken a while! quote:Bond and Leiter were alone on the speedboat, which was moored in a sort of wooden garage over water at the harbour in Puerto Vallarta. Terrible beer, then. quote:Jerked back to reality, Bond looked up and smiled wearily. "Guess I was... was wondering why I do what I do, do the things I do - hell, it isn't for the money." He shrugged. "Ironic, I guess. Try to wipe out a human blight like Klaus Doberman and end up hurting an innocent young woman like Lotta."  Bond never drinks English ale alone, but he's had a Black Velvet made with stout before. Cervecería Cuauhtémoc Moctezuma was founded in Monterrey, the capital of the Mexican state of Nuevo León, in 1890. In 1955 they acquired a brewery in Tecate, a city in Baja California just over the border from San Diego, and continued brewing the local beer under the city's name. In 1984, when this was presumably written, Tecate was still predominately a local Mexican beer and had not yet begun its heavy American advertising along with another brand by the brewery: Dos Equis, and its Most Interesting Man in the World. quote:Leiter squeezed a twist of lime on the top of the open can, sprinkled a dash of salt, then took a long draught. "She insisted on getting involved, James. And, besides, Doberman will keep her alive, to keep you at a safe distance." Okay, but how much blood got used to paint that wall? Are you sure she's alive still? quote:Leiter finished his beer and lit a Camel. "But Doberman is not the only one you have to contend with." You're smiling after everything that happened last night? quote:When Bond left the harbour a few hours later, he did not see the tall Russian across the street - not right away, anyway. He had a broad slab of a combat mustache, his hair cut short like a scrub brush. His features were as thick and broadly emphasized as Communist sculpture, suggesting a Nordic-Mongolian-Circassian heritage. When he started after Bond and followed him while he checked into a new hotel, it was virtually impossible for a man of Bond's experience not to spot the massive tail. That reference to his "heritage" is so random that I knew it couldn't have been original. Of all loving things, Hatfield got his hands on the shooting script for Rambo: First Blood Part II. This is the description used by Sylvester Stallone and James Cameron to describe Sgt. Yushin, played by Voyo Goric. The movie came out the same year as this book, so I have no idea how he got his hands on it so fast. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t18EX-D-Kco quote:After registering into the Camino Real as James Traylor and receiving his room key, Bond exited the hotel via the restaurant, conscious that he was still being shadowed. James L. Traylor was one of the authors of the 1984 biography One Lonely Knight: Mickey Spillane's Mike Hammer. quote:The Russian was obviously not a professional; in fact, he seemed to be making no effort to go unnoticed. What purpose did an obvious tail serve? None that Bond could readily see. Why would the big man be so careless about following someone unless it was just something he was unaccustomed to doing? And if this was an unusual assignment, why was he doing it novel? Maybe you're being lured into yet another obvious trap? quote:Bond turned to see if the Russian was still there. When he was sure he was, he started off for a small cul-de-sac at the end of an alley where they could have a nice little chat... undisturbed. Well, that's not suspicious at all! quote:Feeling foolish, Bond put away the Beretta and started off down the street. He couldn't have been wrong about the tail. The man had definitely been following him but for some unknown reason had abandoned his mission rather abruptly. "Could he be establishing a counter-ambush........naaaaaaah." quote:When Bond got to the beachfront hotel, he did not see the big man anywhere, and the same went for the lobby. He took the lift to the fourth floor.
|
|
#
?
Jul 11, 2021 19:27
|
|
|
The cactus battle gave me some strong Brock Sampson vibes. Which makes sense, I suppose, but it felt a little weird reading a Bond that’s more like a Sampson.
|
|
#
?
Jul 11, 2021 19:59
|
|
|
chitoryu12 posted:Oh no, not her breasts! And their deep V! Tag ur secret agent codename, mine's Deep V 
|
|
#
?
Jul 12, 2021 23:54
|
|
|
 Perhaps some things should not be.
|
|
#
?
Jul 13, 2021 18:46
|
|
|
Now I want them to do naked chairbound bond
|
|
#
?
Jul 13, 2021 22:14
|
|
|
six hundred ninety-two
|
|
#
?
Jul 13, 2021 23:44
|
|
|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFkHpjGToCo
|
|
#
?
Jul 14, 2021 10:51
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Jul 14, 2021 23:56
|
|
|
The 007 fanfic poo poo on AO3 must be completely off the chain.
|
|
#
?
Jul 15, 2021 00:07
|
|
|
Midjack posted:The 007 fanfic poo poo on AO3 must be completely off the chain. 12,587 entries, although 11,554 of them are specifically for the Daniel Craig movies. https://archiveofourown.org/tags/James%20Bond%20-%20All%20Media%20Types/works
|
|
#
?
Jul 15, 2021 00:46
|
|
|
First result is AO3 in a nutshell.quote:Being a double 0 agent was no easy job, of course, no one ever said it was. They all had their ways of coping. Bond had his ways, most typical of an agent of his status, one, not quite so typical. And he certainly has no intention of sharing it with anyone else. The internet is really really great...
|
|
#
?
Jul 15, 2021 01:32
|
|
|
I think we just found chitoryu12's next assignment.
|
|
#
?
Jul 15, 2021 02:09
|
|
|
no you did not
|
|
#
?
Jul 15, 2021 06:28
|
|
|
Come on, live a little. It can't be worse than Billy "Sam-I-Am" Control's literary masterpieces.
|
|
#
?
Jul 15, 2021 13:32
|
|
|
Chapter 11: Things That Go Bump in the Nightquote:Bond reached up and tried to grab the Russian's arm with both hands, but he was unable to get his hands fully around the arm. The man was tremendous and built like an ox. Bond couldn't force his fingers between the arm and his own throat. He tried to drive his elbows back into the man's stomach, but the blows seemed to have no effect. It was like hitting a tree trunk. This is why you use your gun first. quote:The hold on his neck was removed immediately as the Russian howled in pain. Released, Bond fell to the floor, but before he could fully catch his breath, one of the man's hands closed around the wrist of the hand that was holding the Beretta and squeezed. Bond did not want to drop the pistol, but as he felt the bones in his wrist beginning to grind together, he had no choice but to open his hand. The gun was plucked from his fingers and thrown aside, then Bond's wrist was released and the huge assailant knocked him down with a kick of his good leg. You're negotiating?! quote:The Russian didn't answer, he just kept coming. Bond moved around so that the couch was between them, and he tried talking to him again, but the man gave no indication that he was even able to understand what was being said. The mirror polish lets him confuse enemies who can't pass the reflection test. quote:The only weak spot his adversary had, that Bond could see, was that thigh wound, so he came out from behind the couch, and as the Russian came within striking distance he launched a kick at that wound. For a large man, his attacker moved very quickly, and he was able to turn his body so that the kick glanced off the side of his wounded leg and did not hit the wound itself. Still, it must have hurt like hell, but there was no noticeable reaction from him. Maybe if you're planning on killing Bond, you should give the assassin some kind of weapon. quote:Bond realized that, without a gun, there was only one way for him to come out of the confrontation alive. As his opponent charged at him again, Bond also moved forward, surprising him. Puzzled, the Russian slowed momentarily, but it was just long enough for Bond to get around him and jump on his back. As the Russian tried to shake him off, Bond grabbed hold of his scrub brush hair. His weight caused the man's head to fall back, exposing his throat, and Bond laid the razor-sharp edge of the knife against the Russian's skin and whipped it across. That's going to be a hell of a cleaning bill. quote:When he was sure the Russian was finally dead, Bond put away the knife, retrieved the Beretta, and then searched through the intruder's pockets. The Russian had a wallet, but there was nothing in it but Mexican currency. There was nothing on the body that could identify it, and now all that was left was to dispose of the corpse.  quote:The two men were agents of the Mexican government's elite anti-drug unit called the "Leopard's," the counterpart to the United States Drug Enforcement Agency. They nodded to Bond and pushed the cart toward the dead Russian, removed a couple of sheets, and proceeded to wrap the man in them. That done, they each grabbed one end of the bundle, and, straining, they managed to lift the massive bulk and dump the body into the cart. Well, I'm sure there will be no additional evidence anyone can see! quote:One floor above, Major Amasova had heard what she thought was a gunshot. True, the barrel of Bond's gun had been jammed against the attacker's thigh, but to an experienced ear - like Major Amasova's - the sound of a shot was still recognizable, even when muffled. Oh yeah, guns are loud! quote:Outside in the hall she found the stairway and descended to the next floor. Looking out the door into the hallway, she had a clear view of the door to "James Traylor's" room, and she had settled down to wait. If something had happened inside, there would soon be some activity to indicate to her just what had happened. You didn't even pack the bloody sheets correctly? quote:Fuji Chen stood looking down at the young woman. She lay on a big double bed, an ornate wooden-framed bed with a blue lace canopy. She was still out cold, lying between silk sheets pulled up to her neck, her blonde hair fanning over the white-silk pillowcase. Our badass evil henchman. quote:He went to the window, threw open the shutters onto the night. The hiss and rumble of the sea came in, the breeze humming a little as it passed between the black iron bars over the window. That black iron was ivy-patterned and decorative - but it was still bars. And even if Lotta could saw through it somehow, she'd find herself on a window ledge alone in the middle of a stone wall, nothing handy to climb to freedom with - and below, only sea and jagged rock. Way, way below. ....you loving idiot. quote:Groaning, Lotta sat up, holding her head, looking around with a wince. "Where am I?" she murmured. Definitely a guy who could get this far without being shot by one of his own men. A problem the cartels certainly never faced! quote:Doberman turned to the Chinaman, grinning. "Thank you, Chen. You can go now," he said. "But leave one guard, please." Same. quote:Doberman grunted, and the grin faded from his face, replaced by his look of deep concentration. His round forehead wrinkled; his eye looked decisive and taciturn. He resumed pacing, continuing to speak congenially. "I am concerned for your health, young lady. I hope the accommodations are acceptable. Are you hungry?" When I've woken up from a hangover. quote:"It is coming, Senor Doberman!" The guard, hands shaking, set the tray down. Tell him a third time for good measure! quote:"But surely you know how senseless it is to resist. In the long run, pain is a poor substitute for intelligence. But as a moral man, I feel compelled to ask. What you must understand is that I have to interrogate you. I have no other choice. I will get your utmost cooperation." There we go! quote:Doberman scowled and wiped his face with a handkerchief. His smile and shining eye revealed his deranged mind. "Forgive me for boring you. Sometimes I get too eager. I get ashamed of myself. You wish to test your strength against pain. Very good. I sense that Chen has become impatient. I do not wish to frustrate him." Doberman rapped his knuckles on the door.  quote:Midnight. Bond could feel himself sweating inside the wet suit. The shark, apparently unable to make up its mind about this odd, shiny fish, was circling while Bond continued his forward motion, swimming toward the beach beneath Klaus Doberman's clifftop estate. He guessed the shark could follow him the whole way without approaching him, but he wasn't counting on it. He had tied up the speedboat, just behind, at the little cove a short distance south of Doberman's fortress. Well, sharks normally don't attack humans, so-- quote:Moments later the shark suddenly came into view again through the murky water, and it was swimming much more quickly than before. Bond barely had time to move as the shark charged him and went by, striking him with its dorsal fin. The blow on his arm caused him to drop the speargun, and now Bond was sweating even more. Never mind! quote:Finally, when he stood in waist-deep water, he went to replace the knife in his belt and noticed that the blade had broken off, probably still in the belly of the shark. He discarded the hilt, and then he waded ashore and shed the wet suit, burying it high enough on the beach so it wouldn't be uncovered at high tide. I hope you're prepared for the most ridiculous action scene you've seen yet. quote:He began to work his way up the ridge, doing his best to keep from dislodging stones. The hiss of the sea covered much of the noise, but if there were guards on the ridgetop, he didn't want to arouse their suspicions by making even a small noise. ....oh dear. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoTU-X0qbnQ The G11 is not a sniper rifle, despite the scope on top. It's actually the closest we've ever gotten to issuing a real space gun. The G11 project began in the late 1960s when the West German military demanded a new rifle that could simply be better than any other rifle in existence. Heckler & Koch decided to radically change the paradigm to accomplish this: a rifle firing caseless ammunition with a limited burst rate of 2100 RPM, with an optical sight to maximize accuracy.  In order to achieve the reliability needed for such a high rate of fire, the G11 uses caseless ammunition. The bullet is contained within a block of propellant with a primer at the base of the bullet, which all burns away during firing. This eliminates the need to extract and eject an empty casing during cycling and gives it a highly unusual operating system: a rotating chamber that allows for each cartridge to be pushed straight in, mitigating the possibility of breaking the propellant block by shoving it at oblique angles. This also allows for a far higher amount of ammunition to be carried by eliminating the weight of metal casings and gives the G11 a 45-round capacity through a magazine inserted horizontally along the top of the barrel. Later models could fit two spare magazines on the sides, allowing 135 rounds to be carried on the gun. As you can see in the above video, the incredible length of the magazine made it somewhat impractical to carry spares, so soldiers would carry up to 28 speedloaders holding 15 rounds each to refill their mags during lulls in combat. There were also plans to develop a light machine gun and machine pistol accompaniment using the same operation, which never progressed far (the handgun never even got a prototype). The G11, as fancy as it is, suffered from numerous flaws that had to be worked out. The greatest was the propensity of the caseless ammunition to spontaneously explode; a metal casing carries a lot of heat from the combustion out of the gun, so it takes a lot of work to formulate a caseless propellant that's capable of being shoved into a burning hot chamber while also going off properly when the primer is struck. The ability of the propellant blocks to break or crumble could also cause some interesting malfunctions, even with a hatch to let the user eject unfired rounds. What ultimately killed the G11 was the fall of the Berlin Wall. The crumbling of the USSR, dissolution of the Warsaw Pact, and reunification of Germany in the first years of the 90s left the government dealing with a sudden doubling in size and the lack of an immediate threat in the east to necessitate high-tech weaponry. While the G11 was officially adopted into limited service before this occurred, its procurement was cancelled in 1990 and the newly unified Germany stuck with its existing G3s and East German AKs until the development of the G36 assault rifle. The G11 was submitted to the American ACR (Advanced Combat Rifle) trials at the same time, but the high cost of adopting any of the trial rifles over the M16 resulted in the trials being cancelled altogether. Only a very small number of G11s still exist, all in the hands of Heckler & Koch's archives or military museums. quote:The two Russians were armed with AKM automatic rifles, the regulation assault rifle of Soviet forces. Holstered on their sides were high-powered 7.62mm Tula-Tokarev pistols.  Nope and nope. At the time this book takes place, the AKM and Tokarev had been long replaced by the AK-74 and Makarov. The AK-74 began development a decade earlier, with the promising capabilities of the American M16 encouraging a switch to a small-caliber rifle round of high velocity. Trials of the new weapons began as early as 1968 and the new weapon was accepted into general service in 1974. The older 7.62x39mm rifles like the AKM have been maintained in inventory into the present day, but the 5.45mm round is the new standard for AKs in the former Soviet Union. quote:Bond waited till the guards went in their respective patrol directions - split up to cover four parts of the ridge - and then moved into position on an adjacent boulder. The boulder was shaped like a half-moon, hooking one of its horns over the trail. He lay in the deep shadow atop the rock on his left side, quietly taking a few "working tools" out of his pack.  It's left unstated what Bond is carrying, but pistol crossbows like this Barnett Trident were common in 1980s catalogues. This model has a 75-pound draw weight, the legal minimum for deer hunting in the US, so whatever stats Hatfield used for his book were likely an exaggerated ad. quote:As Bond had anticipated, one of the guards passed down the trail beneath his boulder. The clouds broke, pouring moonlight onto the man's face. Bond recognized him as one of the Russians. Okay then! quote:Bond moved back into position on the big half-moon boulder, and waited, now and then flexing his muscles to keep them from going to sleep. He might have to move quickly if someone spotted him. Finally, a true connection to Fleming's Bond! quote:Just before the guard walked beneath the overhanging boulder, Bond replaced the crossbow with a Chakram, a razor sharp metal disk, which was once that traditions weapon of the Sikhs of India. He had gained respect for the weapon while on assignment in Pakistan. Are you wondering "Did Bond just drop his crossbow after one shot so he could show off another weapon?" Yes. Yes he did. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klImSddcwfk The Chakram is indeed a real throwing weapon that has attained a sort of memetic status among people who know a small amount about cool foreign weapons, much like Chinese hook swords. While there's historic evidence for their usage, they're very difficult to throw accurately and powerfully without a lot of training. The sensationalist accounts of them decapitating and dismembering people are likely not true at all. quote:A foot in diameter, weighing just a third of a pound, the Chakram was delivered by Bond whirling the weapon on the index finger and then releasing it in a manner similar to the release of a frisbee flying disk. It sliced through the air with the finality of a guillotine, catching the Mexican just above the collar, neatly severing his head from his body before lodging itself deeply in the trunk of another palm tree. Not like reality will stop this Bond! quote:Thirty minutes later, the other Russian passed beneath Bond's boulder, emerging on the other side. Bond pulled on the time setting stem of his Rolex until it clicked, releasing two finger grips which detached from the watch casing. Holding the watch by the expanding metal bracelet, Bond pulled on the finger grips to expose a length of strong, thin wire. Bond is carrying exactly as many weapons as he needs to kill one person at a time. quote:Bond quickly dropped from the overhang, directly behind the Russian and laid the wire against the man's throat. He did just as Bond had anticipated - he tried to break free, lurching forward so all Bond had to do was hold the wire steadily. Blood, thick and warm, spurted onto Bond's hands and ran down his arms. The Russian sank to his knees, gurgling, jerking as he bled to death. Then he slumped over and lay still. Bond, wrong? Perish the thought! quote:He knew it when a bullet smacked into the stone beside his cheek, stinging the left side of his face with tiny bits of rock. Cursing, Bond whirled and ducked at the same time; a burst of bullets sang just over his head. Probably won't! quote:Worrying about this, his mind a little distracted, Bond went to make sure the Mexican who had tried to ambush him was dead. But the guard was playing possum. As soon as Bond bent over him, the man brought his G-11 up and squeezed the trigger. "Miming" in a karate move? What, was he waving his hands around and making Bruce Lee noises? quote:Then Bond swung the faithful pistol around to finish the job. He got mixed up with the Rambo movie filming nearby. quote:Bond felt like the world had just turned inside out. He gasped, and staggered backward, trying to bring the gun muzzle between him and his assailant. You didn't realize it until you were in midair??? quote:The Beretta hissed, sizzling the air near Bond's right ear with a bullet. Then Bond connected with the Mexican's knees, taking him off his feet in a football tackle. A very smart Bond. quote:All the wind had been knocked from Bond, and his chest ached where he had taken the brunt of the blow when they hit the rock - it hurt like an explosion that would not stop exploding. The water - surprisingly cold, dark as the depths of a tar pit - surged around him, oblivious of the pain its wrenching cost him. It lifted him, seemed to raise him the way a baseball batter poises a bat, then slammed him against the rocks again and again, while his brain screamed for oxygen and his limbs turned to lead. Death closed in on him, and he seemed to see the laughing, bestial face of Klaus Doberman mocking him, telling him: You were overconfident and now you're dead, you were overconfident and now you're dead, you were overconfident... Enraged at how badly he's cocked this up? quote:Once more a wave threw him against the rock, but this time he clung, though the flinty edges cut his fingers and his limbs felt as if they were ripping, the suction of the waves' receding trying to tear him loose. I'm sure all the gunfire will be ignored. quote:A few hours later, the Soviet submarine broke the surface of the Pacific Ocean for the first time, forty-seven miles southwest of Puerto Vallarta's coastline. The hull popped and creaked from the release of pressure of the now receding water. General Gogol went pale but stood rigidly upright in his cabin.
|
|
#
?
Jul 18, 2021 00:31
|
|
|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_aogC5DE9o
|
|
#
?
Jul 18, 2021 05:28
|
|
|
One more bungled operation - Smiley tore open the brown paper bag and began to read: [Top Secret] 007 After Action Report Forces mightier than me had taken over - the immense gravitational suck of the earth, the murderously hard sheer mass of those jagged rocks, the thundering waves crashing down on me.
|
|
#
?
Jul 18, 2021 10:59
|
|
|
Chapter 12: Double-Crosses and Cross-Outquote:"Looks like a painting of the sunset," Bond muttered, gazing at himself in the mirror. He was naked from the waist up. On his chest was a bruise bigger than a soccer ball, over the right pectoral and spreading down onto the ribs. It was bright red in the center, spreading out from there into rays of violet and purple. "A bad painting," Bond added. I do like the detail where Bond still instinctively shrugs at everything even with broken ribs. quote:Bond had just finished his wound-dressing and pulled on his white Sea Island cotton shirt when he heard door to the boat garage open. He checked the Walther PPK, found it in order, loaded and ready to kill, and moved to peer from the edge of the little porthole. "-prepared to compare this girl to my daughter!" quote:"What bad news?" Bond asked, taking a pot of coffee off the mini-stove. He poured out two cups, and glanced at his Rolex. It was nearly eleven A.M. Hell, he had needed the rest. He wouldn't get much more until the mission was over. "Maybe it was a bad idea to roar a boat right up to his castle and then loudly kill a bunch of his guards." quote:"Perhaps. But I have a friend in the Mexican government who told me about this. He told me that they are not ready to move on Doberman. There's some debate about his legal status. And they are a little worried about the Russian connection. So they are taking their time, planning - which is lucky for us. It might give us time." "Using your claw hand to bend a bad guy's pistol barrel." quote:"So, James..." Leiter chuckled. "I have heard something: that Doberman is trying to hire more men. It seems two of his men and two Russians `deserted'." Oh my God, it really did work. Nobody heard all the gunfire nearby. quote:"You don't say?" Bond replied, sarcastically. "You think he'll replace them?" Unless he's like every prior bad guy in the series, who just hired an obvious spy within a few minutes of meeting them. quote:Leiter nodded. "Still, there is the problem of the Colombians..." To a pretty minor degree by this book's standards. quote:"Just a little bruised. Well, a lot bruised. I was lucky, considering. I'll be okay once I get moving." "Plot signs, James." quote:"I hope you're right Felix, if we could find that yacht..." The what quote:The sound of a helicopter caused Chen to crane his neck, scanning the skies above the yacht. He shouted an order to one of the guards to fire a flare and the man quickly pulled the trigger. "Hey, why is your sports bag squirming and making noises?" quote:White jacket and black tie in place, Doberman greeted the immaculately-uniformed Major Amasova with the customary kiss on the cheek. General Gogol, wearing wire-rimmed glasses and a well-tailored dark-grey suit, resembled the stereotype of a bank president. He, too, was kissed by Doberman on each cheek, then General Gogol pumped his host's hand with a firmness that spoke of an underlying and unresolved problem. He's going to unleash a pack of McClory's lawyers. quote:Doberman and the two Russians sat sipping Stolichnaya vodka on the rocks at one end of the polished oak table in the spacious stateroom. "I'm sure we're going to be able to just keep shooting people until the whole matter is resolved." quote:"The issue is irrelevant," Doberman replied calmly, his cold eye focused on General Gogol. "I have made new associations. I no longer need the financial backing of Soviet Union." "Just wait until Yeltsin gets in power, boys." quote:Chen unzipped the bag and removed a quivering burlap sack. Without further hesitation, he opened the helicopter's door on the pilot's side and planted the bag along with its frenzied contents under the seat. Then with the meticulous and steady hands of a surgeon, he loosened the shoestring knot that caged the sack's inhabitants. Stop being racist you only have a limited time before you destroy your career quote:General Gogol and Major Amasova approached the chopper seconds after Chen took a seat in one of the canvas deck chairs. Their gestures were angry, impatient. He can fly? The dude looked half-dead in the films already! quote:The vibrations were strong in the bag now as the chopper continued to veer sharply to the left. The sweeps of the decapitated tails quickened on the half dozen or so Mexican Rattlesnakes. Abruptly they slithered their large drug-stimulated bodies out of the loosely tied bag and into the floorboard of the helicopter. The snakes' fangs became a part of their exterior, and their mutilated tails, thrashing back and forth, cut the air with hisses. Series of tremors shook their bodies as they recognized prey. Upon spotting General Gogol's legs in front of them, the snakes waved their tails like segmented spikes just above their heads. The mouths opened wide and with quick thrusts, they were upon him. What the gently caress is happening Hatfield quote:At first, General Gogol's brain registered something but didn't know what. There was no initial pain, only two or three violent tugs on his left leg. He reached down and felt an enormous elongated body biting repeatedly at his tendons. Pain and panic struck together. The [per/an] is from the Universal Exports text. quote:Shivers ran along the General's spine to his shocked brain. The chopper continued to accelerate to greater and greater speeds as his legs crippled to the loss of motion and sensation. Ah, me with my ex. quote:Avoiding two agonies that she could not imagine, she quickly unbuckled herself from the seat with trembling hands, backing toward the now open door. Welp. I guess Gogol is loving dead now. Whatever. quote:Chen sat in the deck chair, witnessing the helicopter's destruction into a cloud of flames. A solid rising of them. And its roar sent a visible shock wave rippling through the waters. One second, the ocean looked so boring, so peaceful, the sun blazing on it, that Chen had yawned. The next second after that, the ocean had exploded.
|
|
#
?
Jul 22, 2021 07:51
|
|
|
I didn't think this book could possibly get any more ridiculous, and now we've got Agent XXX ejaculating wildly like she's Dr Watson, as she falls to a surely gruesome death. 
Trin Tragula fucked around with this message at 15:33 on Jul 22, 2021 |
|
#
?
Jul 22, 2021 15:30
|
|
|
Snakes on a
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2021 00:14
|
|
|
Rattlesnakes minus rattle was done in real life! Synanon tried to kill a reporter, Paul Morantz, by sticking a de-rattled rattlesnake in his mailbox in 1978. Synanon is a crazy loving story top to bottom and this is only barely the craziest part. http://www.paulmorantz.com/the_synanon_story/the-true-story-of-the-rattlesnake-in-the-mailbox/ quote:EARLY EVENING. PACIFIC PALISADES. OCTOBER 10, 1978
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2021 03:19
|
|
|
Chapter 13: The Long Hard Screamquote:Bond's boat, however, was a long way away. It was speeding north along the coast, cutting waves with a deep white wake as he rounded the headlands. He didn't slow until he came in sight of Klaus Doberman's cliffside fortress.  The Glastron Scimitar was produced from 1980 to 1984, and it's very likely that this poster is exactly what inspired Hatfield because he later describes the boat as being of this color. It had a radical car-inspired design and high performance, but few were made, making them highly sought after among boating enthusiasts. quote:A muscular Mexican, dressed in faded blue jeans and a short-sleeve khaki shirt, sat in the Scimitar with an M16 across his knees. He was gazing out to sea. After a moment he noticed Bond's boat. There was a flare of light reflected from the glass as he raised binoculars to check out the intruder. He must have recognized Bond, for he went immediately to his boat's radiophone and made a call - probably to the house; the yacht would be too far away to raise on light radio equipment. See? He describes it like he's looking right at the poster I found. quote:Bond smiled. "That's it, boys," he said. "Come and get it." He pressed the ignition switch. The engine turned over, roaring into life. He glanced at the knife-coloured boat speeding toward them. Bond could see two men on either side of the windshield, leveling M16's to fire. He threw the speedboat into gear and twisted the steering wheel, turning a tight circle, throwing up a circular skirt of spray. Bullets zipped into the water behind them and ricocheted off the boat's armored body. They ground into high gear, and as if startled by the bullets rebounding from its die, Bond's heavier boat reared back in the water with a sudden burst of speed. I know exactly what music to play for this scene. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66x3uSY6Y_A quote:They had begun to encounter other craft, and it wouldn't be long before reports of gunfire at sea would bring the Mexican equivalent of the Coast Guard down on them. I'm missing the boat stuff from Colonel Sun. quote:Bond grinned, and gunned the engine to greater speed, seeing the maze of rocks open up for the lagoon he was looking for. He needed to put a little "operating time" between him and his pursuers. "Short-range sniping." quote:At the same time, Leiter, as prearranged, carrying only a pistol and a small black box, leaped ashore and ran into the scrub ringing the beach. The box he carried was bare except for one face, which contained two dials, an antenna, and a miniature stick shift and steering wheel. He concealed himself behind a fallen log overgrown with creeping vines. Chuckling, he threw a switch on the black box - which was no bigger than a family-size cereal box - and threw the gear knob into reverse. The boat responder backing away from shore just as the enemy speedboat hove into the lagoon. Wait, what? The Chris-Craft doesn't have a cabin with a door! quote:Leiter kept the boat circling in the lagoon, always at the far side from the enemy. The two boats circled like wary knife fighters going round and round a central point, looking for an opening. He can't remember that it's not an HK gun, but he can give us the barrel length in two units of measurement. quote:Bond squinted through the sights, centering his cross hairs on the man who held the M16 with that ease of familiarity that showed long experience - the man who'd be most dangerous. This Bond smiles a lot when he commits violence. quote:The enemy boat had picked up speed, was pulling up alongside the decoy. The gunmen paused, jabbering at one another, apparently puzzled at the lack of response. Yeah, I'd definitely call that "short-range sniping"! Why do you even have a tripod? You could throw rocks at them. quote:He had already lowered the tripod to compensate for his higher elevation - the rifle barrel pointed downward from his position, since the surface on which he lay was sloped toward the lagoon, his feet slightly higher than his head. That definitely did not happen to your gun, Bond. quote:The man he had missed, a short, squat Mexican in fatigues, was on his knees now, trying to take cover behind the railing, and spraying the rocks at random with his submachine gun. One burst rattled off the rock just over Bond's head, stinging the back of his neck with minute rock chips. The enemy gunman spotted Bond and shouted something at the pilot as he tried to bring his submachine gun to bear on Bond's position, at that time backing toward the cabin door and better cover. But the submachine gun is less effective at that range, and difficult to direct into a narrow sniper's roost with any accuracy. Bullets screamed off the rock around Bond, but none of them found their mark. Presumably, the transcriber noticed that Hatfield just forgot a word. quote:The pilot desperately tried to take the boat out of firing range, but Leiter at the remote-control box, kept the decoy always in the way, blocking the escape route and pushing the smaller, less powerful boat back into the lagoon and into Bond's firing line. Is it, though? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9N7ud9J6y8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wX6oJV28Q7w https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYtx9g7BmOE quote:But it felt good. It felt like an extension of him, as if it had grown out of him, a part of his arms, and all the machinery in it - the firing pin detonating bullets, the expanding gas from the discharged cartridge providing the force to push the automatic machinery into recocking and setting up another bullet - might have been a part of him, like his heart and his muscle. He felt good the way a man does when he's swimming hard, enjoying the exercise, feeling each part of his body work smoothly with all the others. Bond was part of that killing machine, hammering away at the boat, and he was expressing himself through it, expressing his fury - because the man in the boat was one of those who had signed up to help Klaus Doberman, who had ruthlessly abducted his best friend - Bill Tanner and, more than likely, had murdered him in cold blood. Doberman, who kidnapped Lotta and was probably subjecting her to some kind of agonizing torture. Bond was cutting loose with his fury at Doberman, and all the men like Doberman.  quote:"I surrender!" came a voice from inside the boat. "I give up!" ...how thoroughly did you search, Leiter? quote:Bond grinned. "Keep an eye on him, I'm coming aboard!" Oh, another character everyone knows except us. quote:Roschmann spat on the deck and, muttering a hundred German curses, dragged the bodies to the rail and heaved them over. Bond and Leiter, guns in hand, supervised as he towed them onto the shore, and grunting, dragged them into the bush. Bond stood over him as he dug a shallow grave with a shovel cadged from the bigger speedboat, then rolled the bodies into the pit and covered them. There was one left drifting in the lagoon. Leiter took Bond's boat out to it, and weighted the body with pieces of scrap iron. It sank from sight. You left how many bullet holes? quote:"Okay, Roschmann," Bond ordered, "take the wheel. I'm standing right behind you with a Walther PPK Hair trigger, this pistol." Great plan, Bond. quote:Lotta found herself in a large eerily lit tunnel through which blew a strange and forlorn wind howling like a dirge from the earth's own core. Oh no, not the Temple of Doom! quote:Fuji Chen glanced at his watch. Six P.M. The sun off the port was already bloating in the bank of haze near the horizon. The sea was becoming coppery in the reddening light. Soon it would be dark. Fantastic villain you've got there. quote:But Chen would have preferred they pour on the speed. He was nervous about having left too few men to guard his employer's estate. If Bond knew the yacht was gone, he might take advantage of its absence to attack the place. He might be there waiting when they returned. "The men heard a lot of automatic gunfire and screaming at the exact time they deserted. It's probably nothing." quote:Chen half-dreaded Bond - and half-hoped he would be there at the house, gun in hand, ready to fight, Chen was looking forward to that confrontation. Great news! Your opponent is dumb enough to do that! quote:Suddenly he heard a woman's wailing. The scream was followed by a roar from Doberman, and then electrical currents surging, all of the sounds filtering up from the hatchway. Well, this seems excessive. quote:"Be my guest," Doberman gestured to Chen, then turned angrily toward Lotta, and threw another pan of water over her. "Now, Chen!" he yelled. How to make your female lead no longer sexy in one simple step: have all of her subsequent scenes halfway through the book involve piss stains. quote:Doberman sighed. "You may scream again if you wish. There is nothing embarrassing about it. In this room, there is no shame." Then he snapped his forgers. Chen turned the knob to the generator, and as Lotta felt the excruciating surge of current through her ravaged twitching nervous system, she did indeed scream. chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 04:42 on Jul 23, 2021 |
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2021 04:36
|
|
|
YIKES is all I can say.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2021 23:23
|
|
|
Still my favorite post-Fleming Bond, complete with colorful racism. I love that we’re now so jaded that calling the sympathetic villain a yellow-skinned slant-eyed Chinaman barely registers. Thread owns, it’s clear there’s a lotta work in this.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2021 05:10
|
|
|
Hell yeah, I’m here 25% for the awkward Bond text and 75% for chitoryu12’s pop culture history lessons. Thanks OP.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2021 20:09
|
|
|
Chapter 14: Some Guns Listen, Other Guns Speakquote:Bond was tired. He was hungry. He had a headache, and the massive bruise on his chest hurt like the devil. But the fury burned in him still, the fuel for the engine of vengeance. Bomb it? quote:Hector Gonzalez popped another "black beauty" and nervously changed the channel on Doberman's big-screen colour television. He was a tall, bony, dark-eyed Colombian whose eyebrows grew together and who always needed a shave. He smoked incessantly, his nervous fingers shaking as he lit the cigarettes. Hector Gonzales, of course, is the name of the killer of the Havelocks in The Spy Who Loved Me. quote:Disgusted, Gonzalez switched off the TV and got up, began to pace, propelled from one corner of the room to the other by the speed he had been taking all day. It's a magical place. quote:Gonzalez shook his head and stood. He went to the window, took a pair of binoculars from the table, and scanned the sea. It was hard to see against the glare of the sunset. He could make out the Scimitar speedboat, and a figure at the wheel that could be Roschmann. Nothing more. No sign of the Buenaventura, so far. [sic] quote:Walking down the zigging stone steps, Gonzalez began to have second thoughts about the new job offer. He began to yearn for the safety of the fortress. You're taking jobs on beaches and you can't swim? quote:The Scimitar nosed in, then swung around so it was pointing out to sea before it edged up to the dock. Its engine slowed, idling, as the boat nudged the dock. Gonzalez clambered onto the rear deck. Wow, Bond didn't just explode his head and smile? quote:The speedboat began to move away from the dock. This is how fast speed makes you think. quote:"Kick that M16 overboard," came the voice from the darkness. Hope that's not suspicious up there! quote:"This is Gonzalez. Me and Roschmann are taking the new job. Tell Doberman to kiss our asses." Those expanding powder gases, you see. quote:Gonzalez backed toward the stern, smiling, thinking Bond's death would be a sure thing now. Just endless amounts of meth. quote:The next thing he saw was the sky - the moon was falling! No, it wasn't falling, he realized, it just looked that way because he was falling, falling over backward, pitching over the rail into the darkness, into the cool embrace of the sea, while the pain surged up in his chest at the same moment that the roar of Bond's gun - delayed beyond the flash and the bullet - echoed over the water. Always learn how to swim, folks. You never know when you'll get shot 3 times through the lung and thrown off a boat. quote:Bond checked Roschmann's body remaining on the deck. It was slumped in one corner with moist blood pasted squarely between the eyes. But Gonzalez had moved quickly, spasmodically - like a man on amphetamines - so Bond hadn't hit him as precisely as he had wanted to. He might still be alive. It's like a Hitman level and Bond just steadily piles up bodies in an isolated corner of the map. quote:Bond had reached the lagoon and anchored, was just dumping the last shovel load of dirt on the shallow grave, when he felt the cold steel of a gun barrel against the back of his neck. Of course it was. quote:She smiled and said, "Just fine, James. I've missed you." I knew that Pierce Brosnan film ripped something off! quote:"We had fun in Rome, didn't we?" Bond said remembering his impossible romance with the Soviet agent. Yes, the Russians would just march right into Central and South America and conquer it all with no difficulty. quote:"But he betrayed the Soviet Union and made new alliances," she continued. "Doberman is crazy." Hatred blazed across her face. "He is a dangerous threat not only to us, but to you as well. He murdered your friend Bill Tanner. He murdered General Gogol and tried to murder me. Now I'm going to murder him. We can work together on this one," she added invitingly. "Like Rome, London, Vienna, and Rio, we can have Puerto Vallarta together," she said, looking at Bond with her deep, dark eyes - and with her pistol still pointed at his head. Allowing him to be stabbed in the back? quote:While kissing her, though, his free hand touched the straps of her bra, then lowered them and her panties until they were bunched around her ankles and her hardened nipples were scraping his bare chest. I see, we're in the Twilight thread now. quote:Lifting her in his arms, he carried her into the cabin and gently put her down on the bed. She watched with admiration as he removed the clothes from his muscular body, and then he lowered himself onto the bed with her. noooooope nope quote:He ran his lips over her neck and then down to her breasts, where he teased her nipples with his tongue, then bit them tenderly. A different book! quote:Chen scowled as the Buenaventura came to dock under Doberman's estate, seeing the Scimitar was gone. Why the hell had they taken the speedboat out? Had Bond come after all? How many people do they have desert that they can repeatedly have men disappear in hails of gunfire and nobody is surprised? quote:It was dark when Bond brought the boat into the harbour at Puerto Vallarta. He was tired and wished he could lay down beside the now sleeping Major Amasova. But Bond was ready. Ready to move against Doberman. He would rest - and go after him about three A.M. if Leiter could rearrange the Colombian's surveillance to turn their back tonight. Not like you haven't already found a replacement girl. quote:He had twice done reconnaissance of the terrain around the estate. He had charged Leiter with obtaining aerial photos. Tonight he would double-check the photos against his tactical plans.
|
|
#
?
Jul 26, 2021 04:09
|
|
|
chitoryu12 posted:Yes, the Russians would just march right into Central and South America and conquer it all with no difficulty. If you were listening to Reagan's foreign policy team back in the 80s, this was gospel truth.
|
|
#
?
Jul 26, 2021 16:43
|
|
|
https://twitter.com/Transsomething/status/1420786579044540421
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2021 18:44
|
|
|
Chapter 15: The Long Harm of the Law *sigh* quote:It was the damned Scimitar, Bond decided. Someone at sea had seen the gunfight, or part of it, and had noted down the numbers and descriptions of the two boats. Leiter had taken the Chris-Craft to the more secluded boat garage, but Bond had brought the enemy boat indiscreetly into the harbour, assuming that the cloak of darkness would be more than satisfactory. He had underestimated the Mexican policia. They had seen the boat entering Banderas Bay, and alerted the Federales who were in the area. Turns out you cannot, in fact, have a massive boat chase with machine guns down a public beach and expect nobody to notice. quote:Bond whirled and flinched at the sight of a long barreled .357 Magnum. "Jose Maldonado, I presume. Or do I call you `Trigger'?" I don't recall "Trigger" being a gargantuan Mexican... quote:"Yeah. So what?" Bond looked from Maldonado to the .357 with unrelenting eyes. "I don't like looking down one of those." Bond very precisely measuring the bore diameter with his shirt. quote:Maldonado extended his left arm, which was sore from when Lotta creased him with a bullet, motioning for Bond to talk toward the awaiting blue VW patrol car. The other officer ushered him into the back seat and locked the doors. Then he walked around the vehicle to the driver's side and slid in behind the wheel. Knowing about Mexican police, I'd recommend a bribe. quote:They were in the country now, driving through a high-cliffed canyon of bone-white stone. The bosses of rock rose sheer to either side of the winding road, flecked with cacti; the cliff faces looked like photo negatives, their shadows deeply etched in the bright moonlight. That's a metaphor for the history books if I've ever heard one. quote:That opportunity was tailing them in a black Gemballa Porsche. How fast did Leiter jump out of the Porsche to be staring at the engine after one corner? quote:But Bond, prepared, grabbed a handful of Maldonado's hair and banged his head full force into the radio. Maldonado drooped over and fell to the floorboard, dropping the gun in the seat. Before the police officers could recover, Bond snatched up the .357 and shattered the window with four quick gunshots. Then he jammed his arm through the broken glass, reached out to open the door from the outside. There was no other way - the back doors lacked inside handles, to discourage attempted escapes. He jammed the.357 into his waistband, shoved the door open and rolled out, turning a somersault, coming up on his feet. Bond discovering what happens when the cops use a recent model Tesla for their prisoners. quote:Maldonado was dazed, was trying to right himself, blinking. He shot up off the seat, snatching his driver's .44 and jumped free of the police car, whirling, plunking three shots at his escaping prisoner. Wow, you just managed to make Leiter a cooler protagonist than Bond. quote:Bond hurriedly got in on the passenger's side. Leiter glanced up, nodded, and passed the flask. Bond leaned against the seat, exhausted, the tequila burning in his stomach. "Don't ask any drat questions, Felix," he said breathlessly. "Just get us back to the harbour. There's a bomb on the Scimitar and Anya Amasova is on board!" He's not even surprised by how dumb this is anymore. quote:Two miles down the road, Leiter noticed in the rearview mirror, a police motorcycle following them. I guess we needed more action then? quote:Up ahead a short distance, Leiter saw a drawbridge, and the lights of a freighter approaching in the channel. He's gonna have to pull a Florida Man! quote:Since he was already at the bridge - still doing at least sixty miles per hour - Leiter was left with no choice but to give up on the brakes. He kicked his foot into the accelerator and the Porsche roared up, sailing through the air like a strange flying machine before plunging down on the other side of the bridge. The bottom of the car scraped violently against the steel-webbed siding of the bridge, and as the car slid back down the road, Leiter and Bond were slammed against the roof. Wow, good thing those cacti were there to break his neck after he was hit by a car. quote:In the distance, Leiter and Bond heard the roar of another motorcycle approaching, and then they saw its headlight cornering rapidly from an intersecting road. They're just going to get chased by motorcycles for the entire rest of the book. Bond will be roaming the jungle and suddenly a motorcycle cop comes roaring out from the tree branches. quote:Leiter wheeled the Porsche around again, inadvertently demolishing a roadside sign that read: PUERTO VALLARTA HARBOUR. He continued up the road a few hundred feet and turned through a gate into the docking inlet of sea. He's being chased by the protagonist of a Mexican pulp novel! quote:Bond darted through a hatchway to the superstructure. I don't think anyone told Hatfield what a "clip" is. quote:The policeman couldn't see him, and had to rely on the sound of Bond's footsteps to unload his next clip. His ears proved almost deadly accurate. Several shots clanged around Bond and barely missed him. He clambered onto another section of the catwalk as the policeman stalked up the steps after him. How much ammo did this guy bring? quote:Bond stopped where he was for a moment, trying valiantly to keep his breath from croaking too loudly. It was a losing battle. The policeman could hear the sound of his heavy breathing, and he edged along the catwalk, closing in. He saw Bond through a shaft of light and whipped up his gun to shoot. The bullet pinged the steel and ricocheted. He squeezed off another shot, then snapped open the empty cylinder, throwing the Magnum down in disgust. Ah. That much. quote:Across the harbour there was a blinding flash and a tremendous, ear-shattering explosion. Major Amasova became, for an instant, a red blur in a terrible burst of wood, fiberglass and water. I'm going to deny that that's a real word. quote:The policeman mounted the motorcycle, kicking once, twice, three times before it roared up. He wheeled out, tearing across the deck and down the wooden gangway to the harbour's asphalt landing below. This dude is just ramping his motorcycle everywhere he goes! quote:Leiter slammed his foot against the gas pedal of the Porsche, flying and half skidding, peeling rubber. [sic] quote:"How's the arm?"
|
|
#
?
Jul 30, 2021 21:13
|
|
|
quote:The policeman was thrown several hundred feet into a cacti-covered field, effectively breaking his neck.
|
|
#
?
Jul 31, 2021 01:57
|
|
|
Midjack posted:Dude got some air on that one. Also I'm not convinced Comrade Amasova is dead here. "Rude" can also mean "crude," for those playing the home game. But does it imply "full of 'tude"?
|
|
#
?
Jul 31, 2021 10:32
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 10, 2024 15:23 |
|
|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PD5N_v4eY9o I guess orchestras are finally out.
|
|
#
?
Aug 5, 2021 02:38
|
|