[UFOs] watch Mellon start an intergalactic war

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > [UFOs] watch Mellon start an intergalactic war

(Thread IKs: sharknado slashfic)

Rah!: Feb 21, 2006

So what happens is, this alien falls off right on his face, hits his head, and I thought he died. And you know what I did? I said, �Oh my God, that�s disgusting,� and I turned away. I couldn�t, you know, he was right in front of me and I turned away. I didn�t want to touch him� he�s bleeding all over the place, I felt terrible. You know, beautiful marble floor, didn�t look like it. It changed color. Became very red.

# ? Jul 16, 2021 19:17

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# ? May 30, 2024 19:17

A MIRACLE: Sep 17, 2007; All right. It's Saturday night; I have no date, a two-liter bottle of Shasta and my all-Rush mix-tape... Let's rock.

haha remember when he was the president

# ? Jul 16, 2021 19:39

Hooplah: Jul 15, 2006

who was what now? i don't know who that is, jack

# ? Jul 16, 2021 19:44

Justin Tyme: Feb 22, 2011

Gleepglorp was very excited to meet the U.S. president and dressed in traditional Reticulian garb, when he opened the hangar door Mr. Trump looked at him for a moment then slapped him so hard across the face he fell down. Trump told Gleepglorp to "put on a suit" and to meet him outside.

# ? Jul 16, 2021 19:44

Barry Foster: Dec 24, 2007; What is going wrong with that one (face is longer than it should be)

https://www.galactic-server.net/WhoVisitEarth2/

Do your research nerds, we dunno who's visiting on aaiitee so brush up

# ? Jul 16, 2021 19:47

Bideo James: Oct 21, 2020; you'll have to ask someone else about the size of her cans

Justin Tyme posted:

Gleepglorp was very excited to meet the U.S. president and dressed in traditional Reticulian garb, when he opened the hangar door Mr. Trump looked at him for a moment then slapped him so hard across the face he fell down. Trump told Gleepglorp to "put on a suit" and to meet him outside.

lmao

# ? Jul 16, 2021 20:07

Marzzle: Dec 1, 2004; Bursting with flavor

Barry Foster posted:

https://www.galactic-server.net/WhoVisitEarth2/

Do your research nerds, we dunno who's visiting on aaiitee so brush up

computer, display the horniest alien u got

nice

# ? Jul 16, 2021 20:10

Bilirubin: Feb 16, 2014; The sanctioned action is to CHUG

Delta-Wye posted:

lol science is grand. https://www.realclearpolicy.com/art...ife_777173.html

quote:

Whether a constitutional violation or not, the grant raises the question: should government have funded a study on whether Christians freak out upon finding that little green men exist?

A Catholic priest said it best, �There will just be more to love.� (Could have saved taxpayers $1 million!)

# ? Jul 16, 2021 20:14

Wheeee: Mar 11, 2001; When a tree grows, it is soft and pliable. But when it's dry and hard, it dies.

Hardness and strength are death's companions. Flexibility and softness are the embodiment of life.

That which has become hard shall not triumph.

turns out Orson Welles is the reason we never got disclosure

# ? Jul 16, 2021 20:17

Orbis Tertius: Feb 13, 2007

There's a detail in the SCU analysis of the Nimitz encounter that has been bugging me, which is after the initial meeting of the UAP and the F/A-18s, the tic-tac zoomed off and made a beeline straight for the pilots' 'Hold Point':

"page 7' posted:

"...also known as their Combat Air Patrol (CAP) coordinates where they would conduct training exercises. The CAP coordinates consist of four predetermined latitude, longitude, altitude points where fighter aircraft station themselves to protect an asset, in this case the Carrier Strike Group. The CAP coordinates were only known to the pilots and those on board ship with a need to know."

Regarding the UAP going to that particular location:

"page 11' posted:

The strangeness of this observation was later noted by Senior Chief Day when he stated in his interview:
�They [the �Tic-Tac�] shouldn�t have known where it was. And that was the bizzareness of it. How the hell did it know where the CAP station was? I mean it was right on it. Directly on it. Not close by, but on it. On that point in space.�

Based on the radar operator's emphasis, I'm assuming CAP coordinates are fairly precise (as in, moving the length of an F-18 (or a tic-tac) in any direction would take you off those coordinates).

Those coordinates were 60 nautical miles away, and the tic-tac got there in "a few minutes or less". A frequently mentioned characteristic of the tic-tacs is that they don't really need to 'get up to speed' - they instantaneously accelerate towards wherever. So from its location by the FA-18, the Tic-Tac's vector was like ~4000 mph and pointed directly at an extremely specific point in space 60 NM away, where it stopped on a dime. Meaning, it's highly unlikely that the tic-tac traveled there by accident.

I think this is fascinating for a couple reasons:

1. How the gently caress did the tic-tac know those coordinates?

This is tangential, but one of the recurring details of the encounters in that Australian report is the ETs having 'beams' that disable cars, radios, tractors, poo poo - whatever. Kind of like a universal remote that works generally on 'things that do mechanical work' or 'are powered by electricity'. Maybe the tic-tac had a similar sort of beam that functions like, "analyze the electromagnetic currents and fields within and emitted by these primitive things, and extract any meaningful data". This is relatively plausible, compared to most other things about the tic-tacs. It would be SIGINT well beyond what we can currently do, but not to the same degree as, say, the tic-tac's aerodynamics, which break the laws of physics as we understand them.

This would mean that the tic-tac picked out those specific latitude, longitude and altitude numbers out of the FA-18s computer, understood them as coordinates, and decided to travel to them. It made some kind of judgement, maybe simply "this location is apparently significant", or "the apes intend to go here in the future", and took off. (I'm building up to more out-there speculation, bear with me).

I'm assuming the CAP coordinates were stored in the FA-18s flight computer and not on paper, or memorized, or whatever, which would make the situation substantially weirder.

2. It was actually going unusually slow

tic-tacs were observed on radar going from 80,000ft to 20,000 ft in 0.78 seconds, and then immediately back up (doing that instantaneous acceleration thing). These are the velocity, acceleration and power measurements from the appendix (the 6 second calculations were just included to show that it's all still completely insane even if you assume the 0.78 second measurement was an error and use a much longer duration)

code:

Trajectory Mode V(t) = Vm	     	Maximum Velocity 	    	 A(t) max acceleration	     P(T) maximum power Dissipation
Linear Velocity tm = 6 sec 	     	13,636.36 mph 	     		207.04 g�s 		     11.3 Gigawatts
Parabolic tm = 6 sec  		     	10,227.27 mph             	310.56 g�s 		     9.75 Gigawatts
Linear tm = 0.78 sec 		     	104,895 mph 		    	12,250 g�s 		     35.1265 x 10^3 Gigawatts
Parabolic tm = 0.78sec			78,409 mph 			18,385 g�s 		     4.44 x 10^3 Gigawatts

35.1265 x 10^3 Gigawatts is a small nuke's worth of power output (as noted in the footnotes). Also from the footnotes: "The speed at maximum velocity would cause melting of most metals and would be equivalent to
a meteorite entering the atmosphere from outer space." These are the observations that are being referenced when people say the tic-tacs 'break physics' (especially given that they don't create sonic booms, or emit exhaust heat). In contrast, when the tic-tac traveled to the CAP coordinates it was only going around ~2.5x the max speed of an F-22. The tic-tac was, notably, quite ~~leisurely~~ making its way there. I'll come back to this.

3. Most descriptions of tic-tac movement from the Nimitz encounter are like "it descended 60,000 ft from near-orbit, then went back up, for some reason" or "it was moving erratically, horizontally, 50 ft over the ocean". In comparison, going to the CAP coordinates is one of a select few observations of tic-tac behavior that read as 'intentional', at least as far as I'm aware. By 'intentional' I mean, very basically, that it clearly seems like the 'operator' or intelligence (however defined) in control of the tic-tac decided "I'm going to this specific location", and then went there, and that comports with human conceptions of decision-making and motivated behavior. I'm going to proceed to read a bunch into all this, obviously, and anthropomorphize the poo poo out of these tic-tacs, but that's the bare takeaway, and I think it's pretty interesting on it's own.

The interaction between the tic-tac and the FA-18 sent to intercept it is where the other noteworthy example of what looks like 'motivated' behavior happens. I'll just copy-paste the summary from the SCU paper:

quote:

1. CDR Fravor and his wingman are somewhere north of the CAP point and are vectored by The USS
Princeton to go ~60 NM west.

2. At the �merge-plot� Fravor decides to investigate and descends towards the unknown object, while the
wingman stays at altitude.

3. As Fravor descends from the twelve to the nine o'clock position moving clockwise, the �Tic-Tac�
apparently notices him and starts to move from the center of the white water disturbance and moves
clockwise, mirroring his movements.

4. As Fravor descends to the right at the three o'clock position the �Tic-Tac� begins to ascend toward the nine
o'clock position.

5. The clockwise movement continues until Fravor again reaches the nine o'clock position and the �Tic-Tac�
is heading toward the three o'clock position.

6. Fravor decides to cut across and dive to the three o'clock position for an intercept.

7. The �Tic-Tac� shoots up across Fravor's nose and instantaneously heads south at an inclined angle.

8. Fravor and his wingman no longer see any white water activity and decide to return to the CAP point to
complete their exercises.

9. USS Princeton notifies Fravor, as they decide to return to the CAP point, that the �Tic-Tac� is there. The
�Tic-Tac� has traveled 60 NM in a couple of minutes or less.

As the FA-18 circles down towards the tic-tac, it apparently notices, and starts circling up towards the FA-18, "mirroring" it's movements.

I can understand that the writers of the paper don't want to editorialize details like this, but this is extremely weird. As has been noted repeatedly, tic-tac movement is generally linear, with near-instantaneous acceleration. They pick a destination and go straight there. They don't fly in parabolic trajectories or curves, because why would they? They clearly don't have 'wings', or anything that would serve to generate lift, as we understand it. The atmosphere just isn't a factor for them.

So when the tic-tac circles up, it's not just mindlessly mirroring the motion of the FA-18, it is 'performatively' mimicking the aerodynamics of human airplanes in earth's atmosphere. It's amused by the situation and playing pretend. Or doing the technological equivalent of 'baby talk'. I mean, it could go vertically straight up and sit on the FA-18's nose, if it wanted to.

So we're at item #5. In #6, the pilot of the FA-18 is a huge dick. In his own words,

page 11 posted:

So as I come across, I�m a little above him. He�s at the three o�clock position and I go, �Well, the only way I might get this is to do an aggressive out-of-play maneuver.� So I dump the nose and I go from the nine o�clock through the vertical down, to go across to the three o�clock. So he�s over here and I go like this [motions cutting across the circle]. So as I get down to about, I�m probably about 60 degrees nose low a little, pulling through the bottom. It starts to accelerate. It has an incredible rate of acceleration. And it takes off and it goes south. And it takes off like nothing I�ve ever seen. It literally is one minute it�s there and the next minute it�s like, poof, and it�s gone.�

I'm going to assume that the intelligence controlling the tic-tac interpreted the FA-18's actions as being aggressive, too, and that this is related to why it took off and traveled to the CAP coordinates. Two ideas:

1. It wanted to demonstrate superiority, but it lacked complete confidence in our capacity to measure its movement. So, it went at a superior speed (but not too fast) to a location it knew we knew (the CAP point). If they (the humans) know your starting location (where the FA-18 was being an rear end), and they know your ending location (the CAP point, which it can reasonably assume we're monitoring), and you're like 99.9% sure these apes can measure time, then you can be fairly confident they will be able to calculate your speed from this information, and hopefully realize they shouldn't be dive bombing you in their lovely loving planes.

2. It was all like, "LMAO oh no you didn't it is loving ON, HUNAM' It wanted to race! vroom vroom! Which is why it picked a location it knew we knew, like "race you to that tree!" It even went really, painfully slow so maybe we would catch up, but we didn't even try. Humanity got owned.

Alright that's all I got.

Orbis Tertius has issued a correction as of 07:30 on Jul 17, 2021

# ? Jul 16, 2021 20:25

Shifty Nipples: Apr 8, 2007

Good Soldier Svejk posted:

https://twitter.com/NASAHubble/status/1416011004807458818?s=20

Hubble lives

yay

# ? Jul 16, 2021 20:27

Ben Nerevarine: Apr 14, 2006

It is you and I against the galaxy, Ctaephus, do not forget.

# ? Jul 16, 2021 20:28

SmokaDustbowl: Feb 12, 2001; by vyelkin; Fun Shoe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvUl13v-V-E

# ? Jul 16, 2021 20:53

The Saucer Hovers: May 16, 2005

Orbis Tertius posted:

great post

probably a raven, based on behavior

# ? Jul 16, 2021 20:59

Inspector Hound: Jul 14, 2003

Marzzle posted:

computer, display the horniest alien u got

nice

Right outta central casting

# ? Jul 16, 2021 21:08

fanfic insert: Nov 4, 2009

Barry Foster posted:

https://www.galactic-server.net/WhoVisitEarth2/

Do your research nerds, we dunno who's visiting on aaiitee so brush up

# ? Jul 16, 2021 21:14

space chandeliers: Apr 8, 2008

Orbis Tertius posted:

https://www.explorescu.org/post/2004-uss-nimitz-strike-navy-group-incident-report

There's a detail in the SCU analysis of the Nimitz encounter that has been bugging me, which is after the initial meeting of the UAP and the F/A-18s, the tic-tac zoomed off and made a beeline straight for the pilots' 'Hold Point':

This. The mirroring of Fravor's spiral dive approach and its reappearance at the exact 3D coordinate are what convince me that some intelligence was behind the movement. The CAP coordinates could only be gleaned by interrogation of the computer systems and/or the memories of the humans involved.

My guess is that one of the radar techs was abducted in a time dilated fashion, during which the birds exchanged the coordinate information for some knob slobbin' before memory wiping and depositing him back in his herman miller aeron.

# ? Jul 16, 2021 21:17

neutral milf hotel: Oct 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Azathoth posted:

He is by far the best person in UFOs doing FOIA work and of all the journalists working on the topic, he's probably the most trustworthy.

Not sure if he considers himself a journalist, but it's the best descriptor I could think of.

That isn't to say his stuff should be trusted uncritically, just that in a field full of bullshit artists, his stuff is about as well sourced as it can be. His drop teasing is super annoying though, and it's why I can't follow him on Twitter.

thanks for the insight. I'll keep an eye out for his work, but still remain skeptical

:tipshat:

# ? Jul 16, 2021 21:23

neutral milf hotel: Oct 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

bobmarleysghost posted:

I'm glad the gorilla munch ape is such a softy for ETs

# ? Jul 16, 2021 21:25

space chandeliers: Apr 8, 2008

bobmarleysghost posted:

jesus christ, koko, it's only aitee

# ? Jul 16, 2021 21:27

Marzzle: Dec 1, 2004; Bursting with flavor

fanfic insert posted:

what if a phrenology tier racist got really into aitee

# ? Jul 16, 2021 21:36

Nichael: Mar 30, 2011

fanfic insert posted:

this might be bad

# ? Jul 16, 2021 21:36

Turtle Sandbox: Dec 31, 2007; by Fluffdaddy

Butternubs posted:

The real mind gently caress is when we find out they were right.

lol at thinking the real religion is one of the newest ones lmao, its Amon-Ra, and he has returned to control the sun.

# ? Jul 16, 2021 22:02

Ben Nerevarine: Apr 14, 2006

fanfic insert posted:

the Virgin Telosian vs the Chad Anunnaki

# ? Jul 16, 2021 22:03

Hooplah: Jul 15, 2006

neutral milf hotel posted:

I'm glad the gorilla munch ape is such a softy for ETs

# ? Jul 16, 2021 22:10

bobmarleysghost: Mar 7, 2006

space chandeliers posted:

jesus christ, koko, it's only aitee

# ? Jul 16, 2021 22:12

WEH: Feb 22, 2009

Orbis Tertius posted:

Alright that's all I got.

Good rear end post alert

# ? Jul 16, 2021 22:25

Nichael: Mar 30, 2011

https://twitter.com/SandiaWisdom/status/1416012483807035392?s=20

# ? Jul 16, 2021 22:46

Good Soldier Svejk: Jul 5, 2010

Man... could really use some UFO drops.
Or something

# ? Jul 16, 2021 23:00

Wheeee: Mar 11, 2001; When a tree grows, it is soft and pliable. But when it's dry and hard, it dies.

Hardness and strength are death's companions. Flexibility and softness are the embodiment of life.

That which has become hard shall not triumph.

someone ask the alien if cannabis inhibits your psychic abilities or helps because at this point depending on which way it goes i'm either going to be stuck in the third vibration forever like a rock, or a cosmic weed wizard

# ? Jul 16, 2021 23:18

Good Soldier Svejk: Jul 5, 2010

Wheeee posted:

someone ask the alien if cannabis inhibits your psychic abilities or helps because at this point depending on which way it goes i'm either going to be stuck in the third vibration forever like a rock, or a cosmic weed wizard

Cosmic Weed Wizard is a too on the nose psych-rock band name and I would listen to them

# ? Jul 16, 2021 23:26

Thoatse: Feb 29, 2016; Lol said the scorpion, lmao

fanfic insert posted:

it doesn't matter when it's arcturian, baby

# ? Jul 16, 2021 23:28

Wheeee: Mar 11, 2001; When a tree grows, it is soft and pliable. But when it's dry and hard, it dies.

Hardness and strength are death's companions. Flexibility and softness are the embodiment of life.

That which has become hard shall not triumph.

Good Soldier Svejk posted:

Cosmic Weed Wizard is a too on the nose psych-rock band name and I would listen to them

https://youtu.be/hIw7oeZKpZc

# ? Jul 16, 2021 23:45

my bony fealty: Oct 1, 2008

Good Soldier Svejk posted:

Cosmic Weed Wizard is a too on the nose psych-rock band name and I would listen to them

https://youtu.be/GcncCiKiWxk

# ? Jul 16, 2021 23:47

The Demilich: Apr 9, 2020; The First Rites of Men Were Mortuary, the First Altars Tombs.

Good Soldier Svejk posted:

Cosmic Weed Wizard is a too on the nose psych-rock band name and I would listen to them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTPdSMMy3I0

drat, it won't let me timestamp it.
Second song is called "The Spaceships of Ezekiel"

The Demilich has issued a correction as of 00:01 on Jul 17, 2021

# ? Jul 16, 2021 23:59

Wheeee: Mar 11, 2001; When a tree grows, it is soft and pliable. But when it's dry and hard, it dies.

Hardness and strength are death's companions. Flexibility and softness are the embodiment of life.

That which has become hard shall not triumph.

The Demilich posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTPdSMMy3I0

drat, it won't let me timestamp it.
Second song is called "The Spaceships of Ezekiel"

how i never heard of these guys before, good poo poo

https://youtu.be/Mkxr4L8bMd8

TAA said the aliens communicate with vibrations like humming noise, and are into string instruments and bluegrass as a result

Gina gonna love doom metal

# ? Jul 17, 2021 00:07

Vernii: Dec 7, 2006

Justin Tyme posted:

The ferengi make first contact with earth and offer warp technology, but get pissed and gently caress off forever after humans keep trying to give them gold-plated platinum bars, then platinum-plated gold bars, then an alloy of gold and platinum, becoming increasingly frustrated and confused as to what the hell the ferengi want

lol this just made me realize what a kick in the gut it would be if there are aliens but they turn out to be more like hypercorporations than anything else. "Oh your world's ecosphere is collapsing? Just go get a new one, its so simple!"

# ? Jul 17, 2021 00:22

Endless Trash: Aug 12, 2007

sell your planet to sentient hothouse orchid aliens who love a hot and steamy planet and move to Mediterranea IV

# ? Jul 17, 2021 00:23

Sleekly: Aug 21, 2008

i wonder if any if the demon fearing spooks have commandeered hubble (its recent downtime lol) to look to the approaching aitee demonaliens

# ? Jul 17, 2021 00:34

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# ? May 30, 2024 19:17

Zisky: May 6, 2003; PM me and I will show you my tits

Hubble could just not do anything for a while and nobody would notice. If anything the oh no Hubble broke narrative is publicity for a massively underfunded NASA. Everyone loves those space pictures.

# ? Jul 17, 2021 00:38

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > [UFOs] watch Mellon start an intergalactic war

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