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Herr Tog posted:Ah sorry for causing concern, It is the subject matter through a modern lenses while also kind of being a H-game. It just felt like one of those things I'd never get around to on my own. I binged the thread, thread is A+ Cobalt-60 posted:The game is hard to explain. It's a visual novel...OK, here's what visual novels are...here's what it's about...no, it's not a fetish...yes, it came from 4chan...yes, there's sex in it...no, I'm not a pervert for playing it... ... I have got to make the next disability corner about the desexualization of disability.
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Jul 19, 2021 00:57
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Falconier111 posted:... I have got to make the next disability corner about the desexualization of disability. Oh boy as a disabled woman I got a lot to say on that
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Jul 19, 2021 02:28
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Speaking of the Disability Corners, this is kind of related to the recent one on leg prosthetics: For some reason, The Algorithm decided to show me a video yesterday about a practical consideration when it comes to leg prosthetics that had never occurred to me: apparently you can't shave your legs if you want to use them. (Or at least, the leg with the prosthetic.)
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Jul 19, 2021 03:24
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Antistar01 posted:Speaking of the Disability Corners, this is kind of related to the recent one on leg prosthetics: Wow, that is definitely not something I would have figured out on my own. Super interesting, thanks for forwarding it along! To relate it to the story -- how plausible is it that Emi got, like, a chafing injury from running too much? Or is there some other injury that's more common/likely and lead to the infection?
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Jul 19, 2021 04:13
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Violet_Sky posted:Oh boy as a disabled woman I got a lot to say on that 
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Jul 19, 2021 05:42
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Falconier111 posted:... I have got to make the next disability corner about the desexualization of disability. Sorry to better explain Playing the game on my own with LIMITED understanding what it really is was a hard stop on me playing it back when I was wandering on 4chan myself. I was filled with the preconceptions on the game and H-games in general. Preconceptions that this thread has helped immensely remove, shout out to the dev in the thread & OP Until a couple years back I got into VN and kind of my own personal Anime renaissance which I think has changed my perception of the genre as a whole. I'm not sure it that is what prompted your response about the next disability corner. Please keep up this thread either way.
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Jul 19, 2021 10:00
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Herr Tog posted:Sorry to better explain No no, I wasn’t saying that because I wanted to prove you wrong or anything. You just got me thinking about the topic and I decided to write about it next. You’re good, and thanks for the compliment 
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Jul 19, 2021 14:37
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Update 30: Phantom Pains Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time  Katawa Shoujo OST - Nocturne  It's weird how easily Emi and I can keep from seeing one another after class now. Actually, I'd venture to say that it's vaguely disturbing. As easily as we'd come together, we seem to have split apart without much trouble. Well, I guess that's not exactly true. We'd both been pretty bummed after that last night together. And we get to see each other every morning for our runs (and just our runs, I might add). Lunch, too. I especially enjoy lunchtime with her. We have plenty of time to talk about everything outside of school, whereas the morning runs have become increasingly businesslike. I think it's because Emi wants to make up for our foolery in the storage shed. But no matter how much we joke at lunch, I can't help feeling a little worried about her. She seems distracted more often, and I've caught her fidgeting nervously more than once. Never figured her to be someone who cared that deeply about exams, but they certainly seem to be taking their toll. Even though they haven't even started. This is just the run up, the deep breath before the plunge. Tomorrow, the real trials begin. Or the real exams, anyway. As for me, I actually don't feel that worried about exams at all. I'm not sure why. I mean, they're pretty important; my scores here will determine my odds of getting into a good university. Hell, if I'm too cavalier now, it could spell doom for my academic career. But going into them, I feel confident that I'll come out the other side okay. Mutou thinks I've got the science examination locked up, at any rate. Or as he says, “The last thing that should give you trouble is my exam, Hisao. It's way beneath your talents.” Then again, it is Mutou who's telling me this. His praise of me carries the veiled implication that anything less than perfect from me would be a disappointment, which has actually caused me to fret more than I should about the exam. It's for that reason that I find myself in the library after class, poring over the textbook. Pretty simple things to look over; some formulas of velocity, a few bits about friction... A walk in the park compared to my dreaded English exam. Never was good with languages... As I flip through my notes one more time, my mind begins to wander. After these exams are over, things should get easier. Soon we'll be graduated. Then off to college, hopefully. I remember my abortive attempt to find out what Emi plans to do after high school. Hmm, she avoided the subject pretty deftly, as I recall. Heck, it seems that just about every time I push too hard, she dances around the subject. Or distracts me through... other means. Like a few days ago at lunch, when Rin wasn't around... Heh. (Sudden Silence)   YUUKO: "I've done it!" I'm startled from my reverie by Yuuko's triumphant shout.  HISAO: "Gah!" Yuuko seems mortified at my sudden starting. Katawa Shoujo OST - Fripperies YUUKO: "Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I just got - and I really wasn't - and it's just that—" As she stutters, I move to quickly calm her down before she gets too agitated. HISAO: "Woah, hey." My words seem ineffective. Yuuko continues to work herself into a complete frenzy. YUUKO: "And it's a library and I shouldn't be—" HISAO: "Easy there, just calm down."  YUUKO: "And really I'm setting a bad example, and now I'll get fired because I can't do anything right—" HISAO: "YUUKO!" Shouting seems to work, though I draw the ire of several other students studying in the library. Yuuko snaps to attention, like a soldier who's just heard the captain bark an order. YUUKO: "Sorry! Sorry!" HISAO: "Calm down, it's okay. You just startled me a little, and that's only because I was daydreaming instead of studying. So really, you got me back on task." This is a complete lie. But it seems to work. Yuuko takes a deep breath and seems to calm down a little. Though she keeps shifting around with a nervous energy that seems awfully familiar. HISAO: "So, what's got you so excited anyway?" YUUKO: "The Yamaku Cat Burglar!" To her credit, Yuuko manages to convey her intense excitement in a whisper. YUUKO: "I think I know who it is! I got an anonymous tip as to their identity! So I did some spying, and I think the tipster was right!" HISAO: "Oh really? And who was this er, burglar?" Yuuko shuts her mouth, shaking her head decisively. YUUKO: "Nope, I can't tell you that." HISAO: "Why not?" YUUKO: "It's between me and the burglar. I can't risk you warning him that I'm on to his game. He could tip his hand early and blow town. Then I'm left with no perp." When did Yuuko start talking like a hard-boiled detective? HISAO: "I wouldn't warn them! Why would I care?" YUUKO: "If you've got to ask that question, then you don't need to know." HISAO: "That doesn't make any sense, but okay. Congratulations, I guess?" YUUKO: "Thanks! Uh, what for?" HISAO: "The uh, cat burglar thing?" Yuuko nods and smiles appreciatively. YUUKO: "So! Studying for exams?" HISAO: "Well, that was the plan. I'm not having much luck, though." YUUKO: "Really? Is it because you can't find a book? I'm really sorry! I've been meaning to clean the shelves up for weeks now, but I keep getting distracted! I'm so sorry!" HISAO: "Woah, wait. It's not that. I've got my book right here." To illustrate the point and hopefully calm Yuuko down, I show her the textbook in front of me." HISAO: "My mind just keeps wandering, is all." YUUKO: "Is it because of the noise in here? I'm trying to be more strict about the noise levels, but I can't bring myself to yell at people... I mean aren't their lives hard enough without me throwing my authority around?" HISAO: "No, it's not the noise level either, I promise. I'm just..." Hell, I don't know. Worried about Emi. Worried about us. Worried about what happens after we graduate. HISAO: "Emi's been kind of weird, lately." YUUKO: "What do you mean?" HISAO: "Well, you know how we're dating now? I just don't know that we're actually, you know... A couple. Or at least I don't know that we're beyond friends." Though friends normally don't do the sort of things we do. Physically we're a couple. Coupling, at least. HISAO: "It's like every time I try to find out more about her, or about what she wants to do with her life, she dodges the question. Like the other day, I was talking to her at lunch about some schools I've been looking into. And I asked her, “Have you looked into any schools lately?” She shrugs in response, says no, and when I ask why not she says that she doesn't think that far ahead. I asked why she had that policy, and she..." I suddenly realize what I'm about to start describing, and wisely decide to clam up. YUUKO: "She what?" HISAO: "Er, she changed the subject. Wouldn't talk about it." YUUKO: "Maybe it's an uncomfortable subject for her? Or she just doesn't think it needs explaining." HISAO: "Yeah, but it's not just that. Every time I try to find out what's been bothering her, she changes the subject too. It's like she likes being with me, but not getting close to me." Now that I've said it out loud, I feel worse. Yuuko digests this bit of information.  YUUKO: "You know, it seems to me that you're more serious about this than she is." I can almost feel my stomach twist into a knot. She's right. That's exactly what it seems like. HISAO: "But is that really what's going on? I mean..." YUUKO: "Sorry! I'm just talking nonsense! You shouldn't take my advice, you barely know me! I'm just the librarian, and I'm single so you can imagine I can't know what I'm talking about!" HISAO: "No, I think... I think you have a point." As much as it hurts to even consider it. Yuuko seems to try desperately to find a way to soften the blow somewhat. YUUKO: "Er, look. I'm probably wrong, but if you want to be sure of how obviously wrong I am, maybe you should just talk to her? Get some time alone and just ask about it. And don't let her change the subject, either!" HISAO: "Yeah, maybe I should do that." (Silence) Or maybe I should just enjoy what I have. We have fun hanging out, after all. And the runs are nice, and the other activities are nice, and talking to her is nice... Do I really need to get closer to her? What I've got right now is pretty good. But that's silly. I want to get closer to her. I want to be able to help her out with whatever is bothering her. But... maybe I should wait until after exams are over. Maybe she'll brighten up once the stress has passed. If she does, then I don't need to worry about it any more. But if she doesn't, well. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I thank Yuuko for her advice and head back to my room. Maybe I'll be able to concentrate more on my studies in there. Katawa Shoujo OST - Afternoon  I leave the room after finishing my final exam and breathe a sigh of relief. As I'd hoped, the exams weren't so bad. I managed to breeze through just about everything but the English final. And even that was acceptable. I wonder how Emi did. Even more so, how she's doing; she looked terrible at lunch today. I mean, she was pretty happy to be out of her wheelchair, but she was so exhausted. Something's been wearing her down, and I'm starting to really doubt that it was just the exams. Should I confront her about this, though? My musing is interrupted by a tap on the shoulder.  MUTOU: "Hey, Hisao.”  MUTOU: "Got a minute?" >"I suppose I can spare a few minutes." >"No, I have other things to worry about."  Why wouldn’t we? =>"I suppose I can spare a few minutes." HISAO: "Yeah, I've got some time. Nowhere important to be or anything like that." Mutou raises an eyebrow as if questioning my statement, then beckons me back into the classroom. MUTOU: "I wanted to get some feedback from you, if I could. I know that this course wasn't quite up to your level..." HISAO: "Don't worry about it. The science club activities more than made up for it." MUTOU: "Hmm, did they? Well in fact, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Do you think that was a worthwhile activity? Just for my own reference." HISAO: "Well yeah, it was a great way to go further than we did in class. It was definitely worthwhile." Mutou seems delighted by my response. MUTOU: "That's great! Exactly the sort of thing I was hoping for. You know, Hisao, I'm glad you came here. It's always good to have a student who really gets into the subject you teach. In a way, it makes dealing with the rest of the students more tolerable. You're a bright kid, too. You took to this stuff like a duck to water, or some other such simile." HISAO: "Er, thanks. You were a great help. Especially with that college stuff." MUTOU: "There's one more thing, Hisao. A bit of advice, from one scientist to another." HISAO: "What's that?" MUTOU: "What does a scientist do?" HISAO: "Observe the world around him." MUTOU: "Exactly. Good. A simple question, but one that most people can't seem to answer. That's the essence of a scientist, Hisao. We observe what's there, and try to figure it out. But what if there's something you can't figure out? What's a scientist to do if he can't observe something? How, for example, can we talk about quarks when nobody has ever actually seen one? Or black holes when observing them directly is impossible?" HISAO: "Well, scientific equipment's pretty advanced..." Mutou irritably waves away my response. MUTOU: "No, that's not it at all. Those are tools, I'm trying to give you a philosophy. Think. If you can't observe something directly, then how can you observe it?" HISAO: "Uh, guess?" MUTOU: "How? How would you guess the movement of a quark? What is your guess based on?" Of course. I should have thought of it earlier.  HISAO: "The things it affects." Mutou claps his hands together excitedly and whoops. MUTOU: "Yes, exactly. Good. Remember that, Hisao. If you can't examine something directly, it's because you're looking at it wrong.”  MUTOU: "You have to look at it differently if you want to uncover the truth. And if it eludes you, then look at what it leaves behind. That is the essence of being a scientist. We never stop looking for the answer. Never take anything for granted. Observe, experiment, and observe some more. There's a lot of stuff out there that makes no sense, Hisao. Your job is to get it to make sense. If nothing else, I hope you've learned that here." HISAO: "I think I can remember that." Mutou smiles, satisfied. MUTOU: "Good. Now go enjoy your time off. You've earned it." I leave the room feeling a little confused. What brought that on? Although... (Silence) Am I going about this thing with Emi the wrong way? If she won't tell me, then can I go about it some other way? The question keeps spinning in my head even after I made my way back to my room. What if she gets angry about it? Besides, what if it's nothing? If I go in and refuse to leave until she tells me what's wrong or something, won't that come off as clingy? I don't want to start a fight or anything over something like this. Maybe I should just drop the matter and see how she is tomorrow before I do anything. Would it be so bad to just let it go? It's not like we don't enjoy each other's company. Despite appearances, this is actually one of the most important choices in the route. The past couple only shifted dialogue around to grant you more insight; this one has mechanical effects. But odd as it sounds, I really want to... help her. I don't even know what with or if there's anything at all she needs help for. But I want to. Suddenly, a knock at my door rouses me.  I open it to see Kenji. This is a follow-up to the last Kenji scene. It confirms the only aftermath of what he did last time was making him rearrange his puppets. I’m still not writing it out.  With a sense of something approaching purpose, I head for Emi's room. I hop up the stairs leading to her room and knock on her door.  EMI: "W-who's there?" Katawa Shoujo OST - Moment of Decision Huh. That's odd. Her voice sounds a little choked. HISAO: "Hey, it's me. Thought I'd stop by." EMI: "Hisao? Come on in!" I reach down to open the door, only to find that it's locked. More and more curious. HISAO: "Er, your door's locked." EMI: "Oh yeah, sorry. Gimme a minute." In a few minutes, Emi opens the door, grinning. EMI: "Sorry, I had to put my legs on. I was napping."  Despite her grin, there's something definitely off. Emi's eyes are slightly red, and it looks like she's been crying. HISAO: "Hey, no problem. Er, are you okay?" EMI: "Huh? Yeah, I'm fine!" HISAO: "It's just that you look like you've been crying..." Oh yeah, Hisao. You're off to a great start on this one. EMI: "What? Nah, I'm fine. I'm just happy to see you."  She punctuates this with a long kiss that continues as the door slams shut behind us. I know what she wants to do now, and I'm also painfully aware of how badly I want to do it too, but... I break the kiss with a wrench of self control that nearly kills me. HISAO: "Hey, wait." Emi's eyes crinkle in confusion. EMI: "Huh? Wait for what?" HISAO: "We need to talk." EMI: "Isn't that supposed to be my line? And never a good thing to say?" She's got a point. It's usually the lead-in to a breakup. Or the prelude to a fight. HISAO: "Maybe it can be a good thing this time. Er, that's the hope, anyway." EMI: "Uh... huh. Can we at least get onto the bed? It's my first day back on these things, and I'm still readjusting. Plus the nurse said I should try to be on them less often, since running puts such a strain on them." HISAO: "Can't argue with that." It's a trap, we both know it, and we both don't care. Then again, it's awfully hard to get angry while in bed with the object of your affections, so maybe there's that motivation too. I set Emi's legs by the bedside and sit down next to her, throwing an arm around her shoulders. In silence, we just enjoy being able to be in this position again for a few minutes. Then, of course, I need to ruin it by opening my mouth. HISAO: "Look, I know that... that you've been having kind of a rough time of it lately. And I want to help you out. I thought it was just exams getting to you, but now I come to your room and you've been crying, and that kills me. But I can't do anything if you won't talk to me about it." EMI: "I told you, I'm fine." HISAO: "No, you aren't. It's obvious something's eating at you. You can tell me, you know." There's the slightest increase in tension in Emi's voice. EMI: "Why is my saying I'm fine not good enough? You're concerned, I get that. That's cool. But I'm fine, and it's nothing that you need to worry about." HISAO: "Not sleeping and spacing out more than Rin doesn't strike me as “being fine.” I just... I want to help." EMI: "Uh-huh." HISAO: "Yeah, I don't like seeing you like this. I want you to be happy, you know?" I get the feeling that came out wrong, because Emi fixes me with an icy stare. EMI: "So you want to fix me, Hisao?" She's definitely getting angry now.  EMI: "Wanna swoop in on your white charger and save the day? Stop the nightmares, the phantom limb pains? Restore what's lost?" Her voice catches in her throat, and the tears start to flow.  EMI: "Well you can't. Nobody can. Nobody will." I'm so stunned by her sudden verbal assault that I remain quiet. Neither of us says anything for a while. I'm surprised that Emi tightens her grip on me rather than pushing me away. After a deep breath, she starts talking again. EMI: "Look, I'm sorry. I just... there's these nightmares. About the accident." Ah. The accident. I should've known. It took her legs, after all, but it never comes up, of course. EMI: "And I usually deal with them fine, because I can run. Running clears my head like nothing else. I don't have to worry about anything while I'm running. I just concentrate on breathing, on the rhythm of things. It's easier that way. Life's easier that way. Just keep moving forwards, you know? Nothing else matters, just getting around the next curve. And then it's the next curve, and the next, and the next, until I can't go any more, or think any more, or do anything but slow down and walk until I catch my breath again. After something like that, nothing else matters. But I've been stuck in that goddamned wheelchair for too long. So, no outlet. Today it just kinda boiled over a little." HISAO: "You could have talked to me about it, you know. You didn't have to go it alone." Emi smiles sadly, like she's trying to explain to a child that all fire burns. EMI: "Yeah, I did. And I do." HISAO: "But why? Why do you have to keep going through this alone? Why can't you just trust me enough to let me help you?" That smile again. Emi leans in and kisses me on my cheek, an almost motherly gesture. She leaves her mouth close to my ear, as she confesses this one thing to me. EMI: "Because, Hisao.”  EMI: "I've already had everything I knew ripped away from me once.”  EMI: "I don't know what I'd do if it happened again." She pauses, as if uncertain as to whether or not she should continue. I can feel a violent churning in my gut. She continues.  EMI: "So I can't rely on you. Or the nurse. Or anyone else.” EMI: "Just me.” EMI: "That's how it's got to be." Having delivered this short speech, she looks down and covers her mouth with the back of her hand. The conversation is clearly over. I search for something to say, but can't think of anything. HISAO: "I... Maybe I should go, for now. I've got... stuff." Emi doesn't even look up. She sounds tired, or relieved. I can't tell which. EMI: "Okay, Hisao. Go take care of that stuff. I'll see you tomorrow." I get off the bed and head for the door, pausing at the doorway. HISAO: "Hey, Emi..." EMI: "Yeah?" A thousand things I want to say. I'm too mixed up to say any of them, though. After her admitting that she'll never let me close, I feel like my world's just been ripped out from me. What happened in that accident? I know she lost her legs, but that's never seemed to bother her. What happened there? What scares a girl so badly that she won't accept help, even from someone she loves? I don't know. But I want to know. I want to know so badly that being denied that answer feels like a knife in my guts. EMI: "Hisao? You were saying?" I'm still standing in the doorway. HISAO: "...Nothing. Never mind." (Silence)  And I'm closing the door. And walking down the hallway. Down the stairs. Out the door. Into the dark. Katawa Shoujo OST - Nocturne Somehow I wander back to my own room. My brains are doing a mile a minute, going nowhere fast. I can't figure out how to deal with this. I thought that moving forward was a good thing. Dwelling less on a past that I can't change. Living in the present and looking at the future. After this... thing with Emi, I'm not sure any more. She was saying the truth. It's simpler to look at the next curve, ignoring the path gone by. No worry about the opponent left behind. No care for the spectators on the sidelines. And unfortunately, no time to watch out for lagging teammates either. I throw myself down on the bed, looking at one corner of my ceiling as if the answers I want were written there. No such luck, of course. She's literally running away from something - but have I not been doing the same thing, trying my best to forget about my hospitalization? I am getting better, but my health isn't going to magically fix itself. Emi has two legs instead of a heart to deal with, but those aren't going to magically fix themselves either. Maybe this is just as fixed as the both of us can get. The room becomes darker and darker, until I can't really tell I'm looking at a corner any more. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 02:56 on Sep 2, 2021 |
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Jul 19, 2021 19:49
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Oof.
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Jul 19, 2021 20:09
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Holy poo poo, that went from 3 to 10 real fast. 
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Jul 19, 2021 23:42
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Evil Kit posted:Holy poo poo, that went from 3 to 10 real fast. Alien Arcana posted:Well of course it did. It's Emi's route.
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Jul 19, 2021 23:58
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And the first appearance of broken bird/broken wing syndrome. The desire to fix problems and the desire to fix people can get confused. Especially when there is no fix, only remediation.
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Jul 20, 2021 01:06
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 So to discuss that…I feel for both of them, but mainly for Hisao. He had no idea how to handle that situation in a way that communicated against her accusations. I appreciate the immediate apology she made. He did the right thing, in the only way I think he knew how: Engage with her directly, as she did with him and got positive results, and push her on it as she had with his running-it…might be intense, and I don’t really care for it on either side, but you’re willing to do it to someone else, you have to be willing to take it. One of the big things I’ve talked about before is communication as a para-because engagement matters a lot with how to approach something like this. I’ve heard several times that ‘I’m on the front lines’ not only for immediate medical and social intervention between clients, but also to help them communicate their concerns. You see Matou do that well: - Establish a common interest he shares with the student. - Use said common interest to establish repore and reframe an emotional situation already known to put things into proper context-give them the tools to make the link, perhaps hint towards it, but be careful crossing it. - Show positivity through said connection being made be the person. Hisao could not have known to do this-he had the info, but not the time and experience required to properly use her general interests and experience to make her feel at ease: “Have you gotten back to warming up and stretching? Does it still hurt? Have you went to the Nurse about it? They are here to help everyone in the school. Surely you want to go back to running as soon as you can, right? What’s going on-you can talk if you want to.” A lot more impetus on their choices and how they’re dealing with it, a care to keep personal connection out of it, drawing the feelings back to their choices, their feelings. Hisao did the best he could, given the circumstances. Psycho Lawnmower fucked around with this message at 01:53 on Jul 20, 2021 |
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Jul 20, 2021 01:49
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Evil Kit posted:Holy poo poo, that went from 3 to 10 real fast. You’re going to have a variation on that reaction to every update in the next week and a half 
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Jul 20, 2021 16:29
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definitely Hanako this time. Also, amazing updates. I didn't expect it to hurt this much, was always told the Emi chapter was the bubbly one. My expectations were shattered. Hope it works out in the end, those two are admittedly cute together.
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Jul 20, 2021 19:07
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DelilahFlowers posted:definitely Hanako this time. And now you see why I didn’t want to do the Bad Endings  But seriously. I can say this without spoilers because it’s part of the premise for both the thread and the game: while some routes are lighter than others, none of them go down easy and I’d say Emi’s middle of the pack as far as angst goes. Some of us have easier lives than others, but all of our lives are complex, just like everyone else’s. The way KS portrays that is part of its value.
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Jul 21, 2021 15:29
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Update 31: Debate Expresses Doubt Katawa Shoujo OST - Nocturne  The morning comes too soon, on the heels of a sleepless night. Is this how Emi's been spending her nights? Staring at the wall, or ceiling. Trying to stop thinking about whatever it is. Her, in my case. That clenched feeling in my gut is still there. “I can't rely on you.” Words spoken so casually. Almost like she were teasing me, or chastising me for suggesting that the Earth is flat. “That's how it's got to be.” The way it's got to be sucks. I'm feeling so miserable that I very nearly decide to skip the run. That would be stupid, though. It's not something I should do just to see her. Sure, that was the original reason, but it's something more now. I've started to enjoy the running itself. There are worse ways to get the blood flowing, anyway. Never thought I'd say it after that first week or so, but— I feel a lot better after a run, like no matter what else I do today, I've at least done that one thing. It wakes me up, too, and Emi herself said that running always clears her mind. Maybe it'll help clear mine. I hope so. The morning is cool and clear, if a bit humid. Summer's making itself known, it seems. Emi's already stretching out when I arrive, and greets me with a smile and a wave.  EMI: "Hey, Hisao!" The sight of her so chipper is like a kick in the nuts. How can she be so happy after yesterday? I give a half wave and am surprised to receive a hug. EMI: "Hey, about last night." Here it comes. (Sudden Silence) EMI: "I wanted to say thanks. I actually managed to get some sleep for the first time in a while, and I think it's because of our talk. So, thanks." Katawa Shoujo OST - Caged Heart  How could she sleep better after our chat? She basically told me that she wouldn't get any closer to me. And that let her sleep well? Excuse me, but what the hell? Emi either doesn't notice my bafflement or chooses not to notice. No telling with her any more. HISAO: "Oh, no problem. Glad it helped." The venom that threatens to drip into my voice is controlled for now, but I think I'd better start running now, before I do anything stupid. Emi seems equally willing to get started, and before long we're darting around the track. I can tell she feels more relaxed. Her running has gone back to the more graceful movements I remember from when I first watched her. It's a stark contrast to the almost brutal way she's been hurling herself around the track these past few days. Our talk really does seem to have helped her. A pity it couldn't help me. I get into the rhythm of the running, thinking back to when I couldn't afford thinking about anything else but keeping my breathing steady and legs moving. Guess those days are gone. At least for the first couple of laps. Annoyed at the lack of success I'm having with clearing my head, I increase the pace. Ah, there's the burning sensation in my legs. The breaths coming ragged in my chest, the pounding of my heart. Which I still need to be careful about. But it does seem to have gotten stronger; I can feel it pumping blood through my veins. The sound thrums in my ears, but instead of being panicked as I was that day in the snow, I'm instead filled with elation. Yes, it's working! My heart, that fatal flaw that landed me here, has improved. I'm able to keep going now, and maybe one day I'll be able to stop worrying as much. Right now, it doesn't matter that I have no idea what to do about Emi and I. All that matters is that my arms and legs continue to pump in concert with one another. Nothing else. As I hit the final stretch, I remind myself that running really does help, though not as much as I'd hoped. I do feel better, and as I walk a few laps to cool down, I begin to remember last night in a slightly less emotional manner. Emi wants me to stay distant from her. I can't bring myself to do so. There's got to be a way around this, some kind of middle ground I can reach. Not sure what that middle ground is, though. drat, I was almost feeling optimistic. EMI: "Nice run, Hisao! You've really improved!" Nice run. That's all I can hope for now, isn't it? Congratulations, Hisao. You're pathetic. I gotta change my attitude. HISAO: "Well, you know. I am pretty awesome." And yet I just keep saying things that I don't mean. Any second now I'll be as good at hiding my problems as Emi is. EMI: "I like to think so." Why does she do this to me? Say something like that with such real affection in her voice that it makes my heart leap? She doesn't mean it. She can't. I must be doing a worse job than I thought, because Emi peers closely at me. EMI: "Hey, you feeling okay? Maybe we should get to the nurse, huh?" HISAO: "Yeah, I'd hate to keel over on you." Emi looks a little shocked at my bitter tone. EMI: "Don't say things like that! You've already done it once before, you know." Why does she act so affectionate? She doesn't really care, I thought she made that clear. But despite all of that I find myself apologizing, even though I shouldn't have to. Even though she's probably just putting on an act. HISAO: "Sorry, heh. Come on, let's see the nurse." I can't get myself to calm down the whole time. Every time it feels like I've gotten over what happened last night, Emi does something or says something that shows affection, and I'm back to the beginning. The image of her ending that conversation haunts me. It was like the final twist of the knife that left me feeling bereft of any hope that Emi and I could be more than what we are. And what are we at this point? Little more than friends who happen to gently caress. And really, it's not like I don't enjoy the time I spend with her. Said so the other day myself. I very nearly didn't even bring anything up with her, was just gonna hop on in there and let it ride, wasn't I? (Silence) With this running through my head, I find myself in front of the nurse's office, still brooding as he checks out Emi. Emi comes bounding out of the door, gives me a kiss, and darts off to shower, I assume. Meanwhile, the nurse beckons me into his office to give me the ritual once-over. Katawa Shoujo OST - Ah Eh I Oh You   NURSE: "Any problems today?" HISAO: "Nah. I even pushed it a little harder today than I have in the past, and I seemed able to handle it." NURSE: "That's uncharacteristically risky coming from you, Hisao. You've been hanging out with Emi too much. She's rubbed off on you, and not necessarily in a good way." At the mention of Emi's name, I can't help but frown unhappily in spite of my efforts at control. NURSE: "Well, now. This is new, don't you think? Last I checked, your usual response to Emi's name was a grin, not a frown. What exactly happened between you two? Because Emi doesn't seem to be in on it, whatever it is. She looked more relaxed than I've seen her in weeks, which is unusual for this time of the year." HISAO: "What do you mean by that?" NURSE: "By what?" HISAO: "“For this time of year.” I keep trying to find out what's been bothering her, but she clams up as soon as I broach the subject. Then last night, she said—"  NURSE: "Let me guess. She won't tell you, because she says she can't trust you? And now you're crushed, because you thought that the two of you were so much more than she seems to think, right?" HISAO: "Er, more or less. How the heck did you know?" NURSE: "Hisao, I'm the nurse. It's my job to know these things. Plus, I've known Emi for long enough to know that she'd try to do something like this; it's just like her." He says this in the sort of half-affectionate, half-frustrated tone that would seem more appropriate if he had a cigarette dangling from his lips. As it is, he seems willing to make do with a pen.  NURSE: "Look, you mind if I give you some advice?" >"Sure, why not?" >"No, this is my problem." Our confusion is understandable, given that we just got the mother of all mixed signals, but we’re letting the hurt get to us and it’s tainting our perspective. We are looking at everything in the worst possible light and we need somebody to pull our head out of our rear end and give us some perspective. And who better to perform cephalanalectomy than a medical professional? >"Sure, why not?" What was it Mutou said yesterday? If you can't observe the thing, then observe what's around it? Worth a shot. The nurse knows Emi better than I do, I'll wager. By the way, if you blew off Mutou earlier, you automatically blow the nurse off here too. HISAO: "Sure, I'm open to suggestions. Honestly, I'm kind of lost. I've got no idea how to deal with this." NURSE: "I never would have guessed." He grins while he says this. I think he's kidding. NURSE: "Look, here's the deal: Emi is... stubborn. You should know that by now, and if you don't then you're pretty unobservant, but I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here." HISAO: "I'm so grateful." NURSE: "Anyway, if she's decided that she doesn't want to talk about what happened, then she's not going to talk about what's happened. Has she said anything about what's been bothering her? Even a hint?" HISAO: "Well, she did say she'd been having nightmares about the accident..." NURSE: "Really? You're making progress, then. That's good.”  NURSE: "Well, I guess I can fill you in on this without violating my strict non-interference policy when it comes to Emi making stupid decisions. The anniversary of her accident is coming up soon. She gets depressed around this time, because it was a pretty traumatic event, considering what she lost.” HISAO: "That's the other thing. She acted like she lost more than just her legs. What happened?"  NURSE: "Whoa! Nope, not going there. You'll have to ask someone else about that, because that's a whole can of worms I'm not about to open. If Emi wants you to know, she'll tell you in her own time. You've just got to be patient, that's all." Did he just maintain doctor-patient confidentiality  HISAO: "Why are you even helping me with all this?" NURSE: "Because you're good for her. She trusts you, even if you don't think she does. And you've got the best chance out of anyone at this school right now to help her through this time of year. She won't accept my help, but she might accept yours if you don't screw it up. So don't screw it up, got it?" I open my mouth to respond but a knocking sound at the door interrupts me. EMI: "Hey, you guys still in there?" NURSE: "Just a moment, Emi. Give us a second to get our pants back on." The door bursts open and Emi glares knives at the nurse. EMI: "rear end in a top hat." NURSE: "Didn't mean to get your hopes up." HISAO: "Hey, can we... leave me out of this? Anyway, what's up, Emi? Forget something?" I try to take a more cheerful tone with her. No need to upset her. Two can play the “everything's fine” game. EMI: "Actually, I forgot to ask you something." HISAO: "Oh? What's that?"  EMI: "Do you wanna come with me on a trip to my house? My mom's making dinner, and I thought you might want to join us." NURSE: "Well, of course I accept." Emi punches the nurse in the arm playfully. EMI: "Not you, idiot. You were over last week. I was talking to Hisao." Wait wait wait, you’re both in charge of her health on campus AND close enough to her family to come over for dinner? Aren’t you NOT supposed to get that close to your patients? I thought that sort of thing compromised your ability to make objective decisions in a medical context. I don’t even know what’s going on anymore  NURSE: "Oh? How interesting! Meeting the parent!" HISAO: "I'd love to go, Emi. Thanks." The nurse raises an eyebrow, but says nothing. EMI: "Great! I'll be in my room, swing by after you shower and change into something clean and we'll grab the bus!" HISAO: "Sounds good. I'll see you in a bit!" (Silence) This time it's me who leans in for a quick kiss before darting off to my room. What an interesting development. Maybe we're getting closer after all. Maybe Emi's finally ready to open up a little. Or maybe she's just being polite, and a free meal seems like a good way to apologize for last night. Great. Now I can't decide whether to be excited, nervous, or depressed. I settle for a combination of all three and hop in the shower. Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time  (Silence, Street Noises)  I don't think I like riding on buses. Actually, I think I'm pretty comfortable saying that as a fact. They sway a lot, and they smell funny, and you can feel every bump in the road. I'm really not looking forward to this. Plus Emi's legs keep making a clanking noise that draws the attention of everyone else on the bus. She's in shorts again, and she's got long socks drawn up on her prosthetics so they don't look so obviously false again. But that doesn't stop the odd look or two every time her legs bump together with an audible clunk. I shift nervously in my seat, and Emi raises an eyebrow questioningly. She doesn't seem to mind the stares; either that or she doesn't even notice that people are staring. I'm sure she's gotten her fill of odd looks before. After a certain amount of time, I doubt she'd notice any more. Not that she'd ever tell me if I asked. Another fact is, I'm not just uncomfortable about the bus. I can't seem to come to terms with the fact that Emi appears to be trying to bring me closer while at the same time pushing me away. The nurse said she trusts me, even if it doesn't look like it. But I'm not sure I can trust the nurse. He's protective of Emi, just like I'm protective of Emi, and I'd be likely to say something to make her look good if someone asked me about her. So he might just be doing that. Still, there was something about the way he seemed genuinely surprised that Emi invited me along... Maybe last night's talk helped more than I think, but I'm still worried. Meeting the parents is a big deal, right? Not that I haven't already met Emi's mother, but that was just as an acquaintance. Now it's going to be as Emi's boyfriend, with everything that implies. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest, an echo of that snow-covered afternoon that feels like it was so long ago that it might as well be another life entirely. Except then, I didn't know what was going on; I also didn't have medication to help prevent things spiraling out of control. I've come a long way in terms of my physical health, and for the second time today I feel like I'll be able to live normally now, or at least as normally as possible. Now if only I could manage my relationship as well as I've managed my heart, I'd be in great shape. EMI: "Well, we're here." Emi grabs my hand as soon as we've stepped off the bus. She starts heading down the street almost immediately. Katawa Shoujo OST - Air Guitar  EMI: "Come on, we've got a couple blocks until my place." HISAO: "What? Oh, okay." I follow Emi down the street, watching her confident stride. She's setting kind of a quick pace for just a walk. I guess she's anxious to get there. HISAO: "So does your mom do this sort of thing often?"  EMI: "Nah, not too frequently. Mom's never been much for playing hostess." HISAO: "Oh yeah?" EMI: "Yeah, my dad was always the one pushing her to have people over." This sudden and unprompted reference to her father catches me off guard. And from the look on Emi's face, I'm not sure she meant to mention him. I think I've only ever heard her talk about him once. All I remember is that Emi's mom told me that he wasn't around any more. HISAO: "Oh? Your mom prefers solitude?" Emi laughs, either from relief that I didn't ask about her father or from finding my statement actually funny. EMI: "Not at all! She's why I'm such an outgoing person, you know. She just prefers to be a guest rather than a hostess; it's less stressful that way, or so she says." HISAO: "Clearly she's never had to meet her girlfriend's mother for dinner." Emi giggles again and speaks in a teasing tone. EMI: "Nervous, Hisao? You shouldn't be, you know! It's not that big a deal! Just dinner at my house, that's all!" HISAO: "Yeah, but have you ever brought home a boyfriend before?" I confess that part of me dreads hearing the answer to this. I know very little of Emi's past relationships - I don't even know if there were past relationships. EMI: "No, I guess I haven't. Hey, maybe this really is kind of a big deal after all..." HISAO: "Oh good, now I feel twice as nervous." Though to tell the truth, I'm pretty happy to hear that I'm the first one. Maybe we've got something special after all. (Silence) Bolstered by this new thought, I've managed to calm down considerably by the time Emi knocks on her front door. EMI: "Hey, mom, open up! We're here!"  The door swings open, and Mrs. Ibarazaki stands grinning at her daughter. The grin is still surprisingly similar to Emi's. I'm never going to get used to that.  MEIKO: "You know, people normally wait for a few minutes before they start shouting at the door." EMI: "And most mothers say hello to their daughters instead of scolding them right away." MEIKO: "Ah, of course. Welcome home, dear. I've missed you." Katawa Shoujo OST - Everyday Fantasy  An affectionate hug later we're inside, and it is only then that Emi's mom seems to remember that I'm actually here. MEIKO: "And hello to you too, Hisao. How are you?" HISAO: "I'm quite well, thank you. Nice to not have school to worry about for a little bit." MEIKO: "Ah yes, you've finished up your exams, haven't you? That must be quite a relief for you both." HISAO: "It's certainly a weight off of my mind, that's for sure." EMI: "Mine too! I think I slept well for the first time in weeks last night from relief alone." If this news is a surprise to Emi's mother, she doesn't show it. Still, her response betrays a note of interest. MEIKO: "Is that so? I'm very glad to hear that, Emi. You know I get worried when you get all wound up about... well, exams." Certainly Emi's mother knows something I don't - or rather, she doesn't know that Emi's told me about the nightmares. It's interesting, being able to observe how Mrs. Ibarazaki covers for Emi. That protective instinct to make sure that I don't know any more than Emi's willing to tell me. I suppose Emi's got more in common with quarks than I ever realized. Moves around fast, impossible to understand through direct observation, yet she has an effect on everyone she encounters. I wonder if Mrs. Ibarazaki will figure out that I know about the nightmares, or is she just keeping everything secret from everybody? EMI: "Yeah, it's not been as bad this year as in the past; Hisao helped me to stay focused." Okay, I know that's not true. She even cut off contact outside of school hours during exam week! But... she did see me during the day. And she told me more than once that the morning run was the only thing she looked forward to during exams, so maybe it's not that much of a lie. Either way, to hear that being around has helped even a little makes me feel a bit better. Emi's mother raises an eyebrow at this statement. Either she doesn't believe Emi, or she's as surprised as I am. MEIKO: "Well, then it appears that it's a good thing you two have become so close. I'd tell you to take good care of my daughter, Hisao, but it looks like you're already doing that." Emi grins at this and seems to take pride in my having managed to ingratiate myself with her mother so easily. HISAO: "Actually, I'd say your daughter's been the one taking care of me. She's gotten me out and running. I've probably been more active since meeting her than I ever was, even before…" I'd actually never thought of it that much, nor had I ever appreciated the humor in it. I wasn't too active before the heart attack. Pickup games of soccer don't really count since they weren't that common. So now that I know for sure that I have a weak heart, now I run every day, pushing my luck with the help of my medication. I chuckle quietly, then realize that I never finished my sentence. HISAO: "Well, before I had my heart attack and wound up at school here." It comes out so casually. There was a time that I would have thought twice about talking about what was wrong with me at all. But now? Now it just seems silly to care, especially in the company of Emi and her mother.  If Emi can be cavalier about her disability, then so can I. I think back to the track meet, where Emi declared herself the fastest thing on no legs. The fact of her obvious loss has never seemed to bother her, at least not in public. Being stuck in the wheelchair frustrated her, I know. But even that was something she dealt with on her own, despite my efforts to the contrary. MEIKO: "Emi has a way of bringing out the more active side in people. I've never quite figured out how she does it." Those puppy dog eyes she gets, for starters. MEIKO: "I'm not surprised that she managed to rope you into an exercise routine. If Rin weren't just as stubborn as she is, I'm sure that Emi would have gotten her out and running with you too." EMI: "Oh, that reminds me! Rin says hello." I drift to the outer edges of the conversation again as we move into the dining room to eat. It smells delicious in here, and the spread that Emi's mom has produced is impressive. EMI: "Woah, you've made enough to feed an army in here!" MEIKO: "Is it too much? Well, you can always take some leftovers with you when you go." HISAO: "That sounds great! I can only handle cafeteria food for so long. Something home-cooked would be a welcome change of pace." EMI: "What he said. Thanks, mom." The food tastes as good as it smells, and there's a lull in the conversation while we all dig in. Emi assaults her plate with the usual amount of gusto, and I will admit that I set a pretty fast pace myself." MEIKO: "So Hisao, I hear that you and my daughter here have gotten rather close, hmm?" The urge to say something like “Not really” is so strong that I open my mouth to say it, but then reassert control. We are close, there's no getting around it. I mean Emi's brought me here, hasn't she? Fortunately, both Emi and her mother seem to take my reaction as a sign that I'm caught off guard rather than considering saying something cruel. HISAO: "Heh, I suppose we have. I blame the morning runs, myself." EMI: "You make it sound like a bad thing, Hisao." MEIKO: "Well, I for one found it a relief." HISAO: "Why's that?"  MEIKO: "Emi's always been a popular girl, but never made many close friends." This is a bit of news to me. I've always seen Emi chatting with her classmates in the hallways. And certainly the whole track team seems to love her, but it is true that she chooses to isolate herself during lunch with Rin and me. Not exactly the sort of behavior one expects from a popular girl, after all. Then again, I've experienced her unwillingness to get close firsthand, so I can't say I'm that surprised. MEIKO: "I was beginning to have my doubts." Emi rolls her eyes to the ceiling and grumbles something I can't quite make out. (Sudden Silence) HISAO: "Huh?" EMI: "What?" HISAO: "What's that you just said?" EMI: "Nothing." Mrs. Ibarazaki chokes on her drink with laughter. Katawa Shoujo OST - Katawa Shoujo OST - Generic Happy Music MEIKO: "You've been hanging out with the nurse too long, Emi. I'm going to have to talk to him about corrupting my daughter." HISAO: "Somehow I don't think that would be very effective." EMI: "I learned most of it from you anyway. Not the nurse." MEIKO: "Don't listen to her, Hisao. She's a born liar." EMI: "Hmph. Yeah right." HISAO: "Oh, I don't know, Emi. I think your mother has a point." EMI: "What? You traitor! You're supposed to take my side in this!" HISAO: "Yeah, but you did lie about your leg after the meet—" Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 03:01 on Sep 2, 2021 |
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Jul 21, 2021 20:04
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Oh dear  Wrong thing to say. WRONG thing to say.  cliffhanger too.
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Jul 21, 2021 20:20
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"But what about the rest of it?"
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Jul 21, 2021 20:25
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Falcioner111 posted:"Well, I guess I can fill you in on this without violating my strict non-interference policy when it comes to Emi making stupid decisions. The anniversary of her accident is coming up soon. She gets depressed around this time, because it was a pretty traumatic event, considering what she lost.” What the funk did this dude just say- Also, no he didn't. He certainly didn't give accident information, but the advice about her nature shouldn't have been given out either. I mean....at this stage, what's the harm? If she refuses to listen to any and all people, you might as well go full-bore. Something has to stick eventually, even if that is: "You realize that you hurting yourself resonates to me. Shape up." Psycho Lawnmower fucked around with this message at 22:24 on Jul 21, 2021 |
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Jul 21, 2021 22:20
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This is why I like Hisao. He says dumb things. He's not some bland generic guy, or some improbably charismatic *romantic* lead. He says things, they sometimes work out, and sometimes don't. And the consequences are realistic. There's no humorous miscommunications, no wild over-reactions; things actually get handled in conversation. (Well, in the good ends.)
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Jul 22, 2021 08:44
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To me it's not just that, the story is as much about Hisao's struggle as it is the girls. I'm even more interested to see the other routes now just to see how Hisao's growth changes because of the different interactions with the others.
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Jul 22, 2021 17:38
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Speaking of things that have nothing to do with what we’re talking about, I discovered this movie exists at work yesterday:Mayuri (film)#Plot posted:Mayuri is a real story of classical dancer Sudha Chandran, who lost her leg in an accident on her way from Trichy to Chennai on June 1981. The story depicts on how she got a Jaipur foot and fights her way back as a dancer and succeeds in life.  . Anyone have any idea where to start?
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Jul 22, 2021 17:48
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Yeah, one of the great things about this game is how accurately teenagery Hisao is. His emotions are powerful and he struggles to get a grip on them. He certainly struggles to understand them. And him figuring out himself is just as important as figuring out his romantic partner. Like, these scenes, where he's absolutely screaming mad, are great.
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Jul 22, 2021 18:29
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Evil Kit posted:To me it's not just that, the story is as much about Hisao's struggle as it is the girls. I'm even more interested to see the other routes now just to see how Hisao's growth changes because of the different interactions with the others. Yeah, one thing the game does pretty well is that a lot of events that shouldn't be connected to player input aren't and so happen in multiple routes and you get to see Hisao deal with them differently based on his experiences to that point. The one we've already seen is the letter but there are a couple others mostly tied into Shizune/Lilly/Hanako as their routes all have you dealing with a lot of the same events from different perspectives. Zore fucked around with this message at 18:33 on Jul 22, 2021 |
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Jul 22, 2021 18:30
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Falconier111 posted:Speaking of things that have nothing to do with what we’re talking about, I discovered this movie exists at work yesterday: Here you go. They also have a performance by her in the same group. Really enjoying the thread, thanks for all the thoughtful commentary.
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Jul 22, 2021 19:24
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theamazingchris posted:Yeah, one of the great things about this game is how accurately teenagery Hisao is. His emotions are powerful and he struggles to get a grip on them. He certainly struggles to understand them. And him figuring out himself is just as important as figuring out his romantic partner. Like, these scenes, where he's absolutely screaming mad, are great. Man, when I was a teenager, I could only wish to have the clarity, self-awareness, emotional maturity and ability to actually articulate what I was feeling that Hisao and other characters in Katawa Shoujo have. I had the emotional maturity of a traumatised potato. Not that it came up (in a romantic sense) in high school anyway - for me that would have to wait until university. In high school, all the crippling, undiagnosed mental health issues (and earlier on, the bullying) kicked the crap out of me to the point that I couldn't trust that the girls asking me out were serious and not just teasing. It's hard to ask someone out! I feel bad for them; it wasn't their fault! drat what a miserable time.
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Jul 23, 2021 06:40
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Is anyone in this thread using a screenreader? I just got schooled at work about accessible images and I think both all the images and the smilies in this thread lack alt text and are therefore screenreader-invisible. If that's true, that's really bad in a thread about supporting disabled people  E: It looks like SA might not support alt text AT ALL. Now that is an accessibility issue. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 18:04 on Jul 23, 2021 |
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Jul 23, 2021 16:42
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Update 32: Guess Who’s Coming… Never Mind They really break out the musical big guns this update. It includes a couple tracks we don’t see much. I highly suggest you listen to them. Katawa Shoujo OST - Katawa Shoujo OST - Generic Happy Music A kick in the shins from an unmistakably plastic foot cuts me off, but not before Mrs. Ibarazaki's eyebrows shoot upwards.  Emi’s eyes flick between speakers over the course of this conversation. It’s a neat effect. MEIKO: "What about your leg?" EMI: "It wasn't a big deal, that's all... I just was, er, inawheelchairforabit." The last few mumbled words are quickly deciphered by Emi's mother - I suspect she has experience with this sort of thing - and a worried frown appears on her face. MEIKO: "So that's why he kept dodging my calls... Oh Emi... I know how much you hate being in a wheelchair. No wonder you've been in such a mood lately!" HISAO: "Yeah, she's much happier on her feet, so to speak." MEIKO: "Well of course! She spent enough time in a chair just after the accident." HISAO: "She didn't get prosthetics immediately?" MEIKO: "No, she had to finish healing up before they'd let her start the sort of therapy you've got to go through to adjust to those things. Especially since she wanted to run on them." HISAO: "I had no idea." EMI: "Yeah, it sucked. Oh, did you see Rin's mural at the festival?" Emi's sudden change of topic makes me realize belatedly that she's been fidgeting the whole time her mother and I have been talking. I should have figured on her being a little skittish when it comes to talking about the accident. Even around her mother. MEIKO: "No, I didn't make it out to the festival, remember? Although I caught a glimpse of it at your track meet. It seemed pretty weird to me." EMI: "I think that's more or less what she was going for. She talked a lot about it being dreamlike. Or trying to make it dreamlike." MEIKO: "Rin's art is one of those things I don't think I'll ever understand." EMI: "That's not surprising. I don't think Rin expects to be understood. She told me once that art allows people to understand stuff they wouldn't understand otherwise, but all the same she doesn't think it actually works that way." I'm surprised that Emi's talked about this with Rin extensively enough to actually have Rin's opinion, such as it is. Although I expect that Rin could not, if she were so inclined, say the same thing about Emi's. Unless, of course, Emi is purposely keeping me in the dark about everything; which is likely, but unpleasant to think about. I drift down this unpleasant train of thought for a while, losing track of the conversation. MEIKO: "Hey Emi, I've been meaning to ask..." EMI: "Huh?" (Sudden Silence)  MEIKO: "Are you going to visit your father this year?" From the way she says it, you'd think Emi's mother was talking about the weather. From the way Emi reacts, it's clearly not the weather they're talking about. She flinches, a slight jerk of the head backwards as if she's just been slapped in the face. EMI: "Can we talk about this later?" Her voice sounds brittle, strained. It looks as if she's been severely shaken by the question. It seems that Mrs. Ibarazaki misjudged just how close Emi and I are. Some things, it seems, are best not conversed about with me around. Her father is one of these things. The accident that took her legs is probably another one of those things, if her reaction to the earlier conversation between her mother and myself is any indication. It doesn't take Emi's mother long to realize she's screwed up. MEIKO: "Of course we can, dear. I'm sorry to bring it up, I just wanted to ask so I could make plans—" EMI: "It's fine. Don't worry about it." Emi fidgets nervously, as if embarrassed by her own reaction. I confess that her reaction is confusing. She only just mentioned her father to me earlier today! Less than a few hours ago, even! Why does a simple question about when she'll visit her father cause such a strong reaction? Unless whatever serenity she claimed to have reached by means of our talk the previous evening has suddenly evaporated. Or it didn't help as much as she thought. Or claimed.  EMI: "I'll uh, be right back. Gotta visit the little girl's room." Emi gets up suddenly and leaves the table, leaving me and Mrs. Ibarazaki alone. I'm a little conflicted. Should I go after her, or should I stay here? It's obvious that Emi's departure was not based on the call of nature. Something's bothering her, and I have to know what it is.  How to go about it? >Go after her. >Talk to her mom. Normally I’d go into the logic behind my decision. =>Talk to her mom. But the next section does it better than I ever could. There's an awkward silence at the table for a while after Emi dashes off. I can’t think of anything to say. Emi's mother sighs, breaking the silence. Katawa Shoujo OST - Breathlessly MEIKO: "Sorry about that, Hisao. I sometimes forget that Emi's touchy about certain subjects. And I was talking about the wheelchair thing, too..." HISAO: "Should I go after her?" MEIKO: "Heavens no! She didn't leave the table to continue the conversation, you know." HISAO: "But if she's troubled, shouldn't someone help her?"  MEIKO: "If it were anyone else, I'd say yes. But my daughter is stubborn as a mule, and if she wants to be alone it's best to let her be alone. Otherwise she'll probably say something she'd regret, which would cause you to say something you'd regret, and I would prefer that dinner doesn't end with one or the both of you storming out of the house. If that were to happen I'd be a terrible hostess, wouldn't I? I've already acted as a fool once today." HISAO: "That's okay, I shouldn't have brought up the wheelchair, apparently." Mrs. Ibarazaki frowns, clearly more bothered by Emi's omission than she'd let on. MEIKO: "I wish she wouldn't do that. It just makes me worry more, you know." HISAO: "She does this often?" MEIKO: "What, running off to the bathroom? No, I can’t say she does. Keep injuries from her mother, though? Well, that's a little more common. Every time I catch her lying like that, she assures me that the only reason she didn't tell me is because it wasn't a big deal." HISAO: "If it's any consolation, I'm sure the only reason I knew about it at all was because I saw her every day." This elicits a dry chuckle from across the table. Mrs. Ibarazaki sighs, a little sadly. MEIKO: "Still hesitant about getting close to people, huh? I keep hoping that she'll get over that. It's funny, really. She's bounced back so well from the accident in so many ways... I guess some things never really go away." From the looks of it, the whole thing still bothers her, too. She seems to be a little more willing to talk about the accident without Emi around, though. HISAO: "Hey, I've got a question, if it's all right." MEIKO: "Oh?" HISAO: "What else did Emi lose in that accident? The nurse said that she gets this way near the anniversary, and she won't talk about it to me..." MEIKO: "So you thought I'd fill you in, hmm?" HISAO: "Er, yeah. Hopefully." MEIKO: "Well, there's a problem with that request, you know." HISAO: "Let me guess: you promised Emi that you wouldn't tell anyone she didn't want to know, and you don't know if she wants me to know?" MEIKO: "Something like that. I promised Emi that she'd be the one to tell people the full story." HISAO: "But isn't that important? I mean, it's clearly had a huge effect on her if she's still like this so long after the accident happened." MEIKO: "That's true. It did have a long-lasting effect on her. There are a few things that she'll probably never really get over." For a moment Mrs. Ibarazaki looks incredibly saddened, as if an old wound is bothering her. MEIKO: "I suppose there are a few things I'll never really get over either..." Another dry chuckle, and with a shake of her head Emi's mother banishes the memory. MEIKO: "Look, there's something you absolutely must understand about the way Emi thinks about the accident." HISAO: "What's that?" (Sudden Silence)  MEIKO: "It wasn't a big deal." Somehow I manage to keep my mouth from falling open in surprise, but it takes some effort. That has to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. HISAO: "I beg your pardon?" Katawa Shoujo OST - Shadow of the Truth MEIKO: "Okay, maybe it's not that simple, but it's a pretty accurate summation. Emi believes that the accident did not define her, and that everything she lost that day didn't define her either. She's not “that girl who lost her legs,” she's “The Fastest Thing on No Legs.” Her optimism and energy came out of that wreck without a scratch, as far as she's concerned." HISAO: "Yet it goes beyond that, doesn't it? I mean, last night she told me that she refused to rely on me because it would make losing me too painful." MEIKO: "Not really. You said she won't tell you about the accident, even though you've asked her about it before. The reason she won't talk about it when you ask is because to her it's not something you absolutely need to know. Even if she wasn't terrified of getting too close to anyone, she still wouldn't talk about it." HISAO: "She's afraid of being close to me?"  MEIKO: "Oh goodness me, yes. For all that talk about being unscathed by the accident, she's gained the ugly knowledge of how quickly it can all be over. So she's not going to let people get especially close to her, and she certainly would resent any implication that she cannot work through this on her own." HISAO: "But I don't think she can." MEIKO: "Oh no? Are you sure you've been dating my daughter and not somebody else? Trust me Hisao, she could get through it on her own." HISAO: "But she has nightmares, and can't sleep well, and—"  MEIKO: "And she does this every year. Tell me, if she wasn't able to get through it on her own, do you really think she'd still be alive? She would've killed herself, or something equally melodramatic." HISAO: "So what, I shouldn't try to help her?" MEIKO: "I didn't say that! I hate seeing my daughter like this, and knowing that she could rely on someone else would let me relax. You just need to understand that accepting help goes against everything Emi thinks about herself and the way the world works. If you still want to offer her help, then I guess that's your call. Honestly, I'd like you to, but it'd be silly not to warn you that it's not going to be easy. You just need to be patient with her. She's already closer to you than anyone else she's ever met at Yamaku." HISAO: "Well it sure doesn't feel like we're very close." (Sudden Silence)  EMI: "Good, that makes this part easier." Emi's voice nearly gives me a heart attack. HISAO: "Whoa! Didn't hear you come back, Emi." EMI: "How convenient." HISAO: "Wait, were you eavesdropping?" EMI: "Nope. Just happened to come back at the right moment, I guess." MEIKO: "Emi, Hisao was just—" Emi holds up a finger, cutting her mother off.  EMI: "On his way out of the house? Yeah, I know. Emi's trembling with anger now, looking vaguely betrayed. MEIKO: "Emi, don't be ridiculous, we were just—" Katawa Shoujo OST - Caged Heart EMI: "You promised!" The pain carried in that last word is almost too much for me to bear. The idea that I could hurt her that much is like being kicked in the gut. Emi's mother looks similarly pained by the thought. MEIKO: "And I kept that promise! Just listen, there's no reason to go throwing people out of the house." Emi's mother seems to be both angry at her daughter's outburst and embarrassed that I'm a witness to it. There's only one real solution to this problem, I think.  HISAO: "It's okay. I'll go." MEIKO: "Now really, that seems a little unnecessary..." HISAO: "Don't worry about it. Thank you for dinner, Mrs. Ibarazaki, and for the advice." MEIKO: "It was my pleasure, Hisao. I'm sorry we didn't get to the dessert." HISAO: "That's okay. I have to watch what I eat anyway. Good evening, Emi, Mrs. Ibarazaki." The formality of our conversation, coupled with the fact that I'm getting ready to leave, seems to snap Emi out of her anger. EMI: "No, wait. I'm sorry, I've been so... and after last night I just thought... You don't have to go, I take it back, it's okay—" I can’t help but smile slightly. She can barely articulate her apology, and I really would like to stay... But I don't think I can, right now. I need to think about what her mother said, and about what I'm going to do about us. I don't want to risk accidentally getting Emi angry again in her current state, either. HISAO: "No, I think I'd better leave. You seem pretty shook up, and, well, I'd only wind up trying to help you again. I know you'd prefer I didn't, so I'm going to leave instead." EMI: "But—" HISAO: "Hey, it's not a problem. You don't want a knight on a white charger, right? Just promise me one thing, okay?" EMI: "What?" HISAO: "Don't be angry at your mom, okay? She was just giving me some advice, that's all."  Emi nods, hesitantly, like this simple idea is all that she can grab on to at this point. She's so terribly off-balance, but I can’t do anything about that right now." EMI: "Okay." HISAO: "See you tomorrow, okay? Running in the morning. Don't forget!" I can see that I've hurt Emi by deciding to leave. But there's nothing I can do for her as things stand, and I know that she's too stubborn to admit that she wants me to stick around. I watch various emotions cross Emi's face as she tries to process everything that's just happened.  Shortly comes that calm look again, like last night, and that voice that tries so hard to sound careless. EMI: "Sure, Hisao. See you around." Both of us are unwilling to concede emotion at this point, and I'm having a hard time keeping up my facade, so I turn on my heel and walk out the door. (Silence) I shut it behind me slowly, pausing for a moment as the latch catches, my hand on the doorknob. Did I make the right decision just now? Should I have stayed and tried to work things out? No, I decide. Not in front of her mother like that. In spite of everything, I'd rather keep Emi's mother insulated from the sort of anger that surfaced last night. Even though she's probably used to it, some protective instinct wants me to keep Emi's image as a cheerful girl intact. With a start, I realize my hand is still resting on the knob. I take my hand away, put it in my pocket, and head down the slowly darkening street. Katawa Shoujo OST - Stride  I let out a long breath. The wait until tomorrow morning comes isn't going to be easy. In any case, I have to think on what to say to Emi. I must apologize, and I must get through to her somehow. On that account, something has been on my mind for most of the way back to my room. The letter of apology from Iwanako. I was so concerned about my new life when I received it that I didn't even bother to really read it. Now that I find myself in a similar position, my curiosity got rekindled. What did she want to let me know so badly? If nothing else, reading her thoughts might help me frame mine. I remember tossing it away. drat, where did I throw that thing? I check under my desk. That turns up nothing, so I look for harder-to-reach, more unlikely locations. … Well, now I know where that lost sock went, at least. Still no letter, though. It's when I try sweeping my arm under my nightstand that I feel something crinkly jammed between it and the wall. Grunting a little with the effort, I reach for my prize and soon manage to bring it into the light. Bingo.  I sit at my desk and spread the crumpled paper open. A flick turns on the table light. Skipping past the empty pleasantries, I look for the point where I stopped reading. Ah, here it is.  Iwanako’s Letter posted:There are other things I want to say. I'm writing to you because I felt that there are things I should've said after the incident back in winter. I really regret that I wasn't able to say them in person, and I have no excuse for it. Giving up on happiness... This sounds unpleasantly familiar. Iwanako’s Letter posted:I wanted to somehow express my feelings, but the right words didn't come to me. I couldn't say anything to comfort you. I am really sorry for not being able to support you when it mattered the most, even though I like you so much. At least now, finally, I can be more honest. (Silence) After finishing reading the letter I smooth it out carefully and set it aside on my desk. Thank you, Iwanako. I wanted to answer “yes” to your question on that snowy winter day, but I never got to. By the time we met again, it was too late. Or so I thought. What would have happened if I had behaved differently, back in that dismally sterile hospital room? I'm sorry. There's no point in wondering now, but there's no point in trying to forget either. I am who I am because of all that happened to me and all I look forward to experience. Present, future, and past. And the past may just have taught me an important lesson now. END OF ACT 3 Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 03:02 on Sep 2, 2021 |
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Jul 23, 2021 19:21
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Y'know, I keep getting surprised by Hisao's ability to recover from his own fuckups. Like, he jams his foot into his mouth, but then he pulls it back out instead of cramming it in further. It's so weird to see a fictional character that knows how to deescalate.
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Jul 23, 2021 19:31
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The 4chan porn game with a slur as a title should not be making me feel feelings dammit 
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Jul 23, 2021 19:46
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Omobono posted:The 4chan porn game with a slur as a title should not be making me feel feelings dammit This was, unsurprisingly, the initial reaction of basically everyone who played the game when it finally released, to the point where it circulated as a meme for a couple weeks. The Act 1 demo had set expectations somewhat high, but the final product managed to blow those expectations completely out of the water. By the way, unrelated anecdote, but I just remembered, when I first got Beat Hazard (a top-down space shooter that uses your own music files to generate enemy patterns), I realized the only actual independent audio files on my computer were the tracks for KS, so the first time I fired the game up, I would up playing to Nurse's theme because I couldn't be bothered to go rip a CD or something.
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Jul 23, 2021 20:58
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Omobono posted:The 4chan porn game with a slur as a title should not be making me feel feelings dammit I wonder if any of the team behind this were PWD. A lot of stuff in here feels authentic to the PWD experience.
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Jul 23, 2021 23:42
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Thanks to your knowledge of SCIENCE, this decision was available to lock you into the good end. If you didn't found the science club, or just made a bad decision here, you'd be en route to Bad End, although unlike the other routes, you get another chance to get back on track.
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Jul 24, 2021 00:11
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Cobalt-60 posted:Thanks to your knowledge of SCIENCE, this decision was available to lock you into the good end. If you didn't found the science club, or just made a bad decision here, you'd be en route to Bad End, although unlike the other routes, you get another chance to get back on track. Each route seems to have a "theme" for what it takes to get the good end. In this case, Hisao needs to listen to outside advice rather than thinking he knows everything. It's a pretty good life lesson, though I think it's the one that's least applicable to real world relationships, because unlike Anime Adults, real people are not automatically reliable sources of good advice about one's SO, no matter how long they've known them, so you kinda have to work out whose advice is actually useful on your own.
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Jul 24, 2021 02:54
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Just how vicious Emi can get really caught me off guard.
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Jul 24, 2021 16:37
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Dance Officer posted:Just how vicious Emi can get really caught me off guard. I'm going to speculate* and assume daddy dearest got broken by her incident and left the family because she couldn't run anymore. That would explain her viciousness, a wound like that goes Marianna's Trench deep. *First draft I wrote going out on a limb 
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Jul 24, 2021 17:59
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I had just assumed he was killed in the accident, but the latest thing has me thinking maybe not, and something more dramatic and painful happened like he felt guilty and ran off or maybe even rejected Emi somehow or something. Also I'm becoming increasingly worried my joke that the Nurse was dating Emi's mom is true...
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Jul 24, 2021 19:16
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The rest of the route has been fully written up, edited, and prepped for posting over the next week, including a conclusion touching on things the thread brought up after I wrote it that makes it look like I’m stealing ideas even though I’m not Violet_Sky posted:I wonder if any of the team behind this were PWD. A lot of stuff in here feels authentic to the PWD experience. As far as I’m aware, no, not a single disabled person on the dev team. It’s a testament to the power of sympathy and dedicated research in writing, I guess.
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Jul 24, 2021 20:35
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If Emi's dad isn't dead it's gonna be a hell of a swerve.
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Jul 25, 2021 09:40
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