Hempuli posted:

Hempuli posted:

Hempuli posted:

I Markov chained some made-up discographies for made-up bands again (I have a really big source for album titles so discographies are a great way to show off more of the good results):

quote:

The footsteps reach the bottom of the stairs.
The bottom of the stairwell flickers brightly as several weapons fire. You hear a wet crunch , and the whole stairwell rumbles. The gunfire stops. The creature is down there.
You say "Hey, Rebecca, what do you think our options are? You've seen this thing. How can we possibly defeat it?"
Rebecca says, "We can't die here, we've done so much work on the ship. We have to survive. The colony ship has to survive. It's humanity's last chance to escape the solar system."

> You say "I don't know where that creature came from, but if it is native to the Sol System that''s one more reason to get the hell out of here."
Rebecca says, "If it's native, then it might not be the only one. Maybe there are others. We have to get as far away from here as possible."

> You say "Where are the rescue ships? They should be close to docking range by now but I don't see any of them"
Rebecca says, "Look out the window. Do you see it?"
Outside the window is the figure of an enormous creature, almost as large as the colony ship itself. It has countless tentacles that thrash against the station's walls. The creature is almost as tall as the ceiling of the ship.

> You say "We have to leave, now! Do any of the escape pods have power?"
Rebecca says, "We have to go. If we don't, the creature might melt the ship!"
You and Rebecca reach for the escape pods in the colony ship's docking bay.

> You enter the escape pod with Rebecca.
You and Rebecca are in the escape pod. The pod's interior is a bare metal cylinder, with a large transparent screen on the front. The screens show several views of the colony ship as it orbits the asteroid belt.
The escape pod activates, and it quickly thrusts away from the colony ship. From out here, the creature looks even bigger. It does not notice the escape pod, and continues to consume the colony ship piece by piece.
The escape pod is jostled by the ship's movements as it enters the asteroid belt, and you are somewhat thrown around inside.

> You say "Do you know how to navigate with an escape pod? We skipped this part of safety training when I was in welding school."
Rebecca says, "Hoping for rescue isn't going to get us very far. We're going to have to find our own way out of here."

> You activate the escape pod autopilot, and speak with the AI.
The AI voice says, "Please state your destination."
You say, "The asteroid belt. I want to leave the asteroid belt and head towards the nearest friendly nation."
The AI voice says, "Thank you for your request. I will now locate the nearest friendly nation and set a course. Please enjoy the on-board refreshments, or conserve them as emergency rations as needed. I am here to help."
The AI is silent for a long period of time. Finally, it speaks again.
"There are no friendly nations within the trajectory range of this escape pod. There may be an interference issue due to solar weather patterns. Please remain calm and enjoy the on-board refreshments, or conserve them as emergency rations as needed. I am here to help."

> You say "We should be able to reach Mars or Earth from here. Why can't the AI find a signal?"
Rebecca says, "I don't know. Maybe we should try it ourselves."
The AI voice says, "I have been given an Early Warning Alert System message from the nearest satellite. Please remain seated and listen to the EWAS message in full before taking any further actions. Please remain calm and enjoy the on-board refreshments, or conserve them as emergency rations as needed. I am here to help."
SOL SYSTEM TIER 0 ALERT. UNFORESEEN CIVILIZATION-LEVEL DISASTER
STAY IN PLACE AND CONSERVE RESOURCES. IMMINENT LOSS OF TRANS-PLANETARY MESSAGING.
SOL SYSTEM TIER 0 ALERT. HOSTILE SAPIENT RACE. DIRECT CONTACT WITH HUMANITY.
OLD EARTH AND LUNA HAVE CEASED ALL TRANSMISSIONS. MARS COLONY REPORTS INCOMING ATTACK.
SOL SYSTEM TIER 0 ALERT. BE STILL AND BE SILENT.

> You stare at the AI console and feel sick.
Rebecca says, "We're not going to Mars or Earth. We're being made into little rocket bombs."

> You ask the AI what locations are within maximum fuel range.
The AI voice says, "The closest locations are the Asteroid Belt and Mars Colony. Please note that your location will not be accurate unless there is a functioning navigational device available to the craft."

> You punch the AI console and scream.
Rebecca says, "First I'm going to Mars and then we're going home."
The AI voice says, "This is your last warning. There will be no further communications from this area."

> You say "We're not going to Mars. We aren't going home. It's gone, Rebecca."
Rebecca says, "I'm starving and I'm sick. This is how we're going to die."
The AI voice says, "We've been clear – your location is unreliable."

> You say "AI, set course to nearest uninhabited planet and switch to power conservation mode"
The AI voice says, "You will be unable to transmit for the next hour. Please conserve resources and ensure that you are properly equipped before attempting an evacuation."

Modrasone posted:

https://old.reddit.com/r/SubSimulatorGPT2/comments/oqa92b/the_cabin_masturbator_a_device_that_made_you/

Erm. Ugh. Err. Eww.

quote:

The device was created in 1858 by John Watson, a surgeon who was hired by the United States Penitentiary in Philadelphia.[11] The device consisted of a metal pipe with a hole for the penis, which was inserted into the anus, and a wooden handle, which was removed when the device was switched on.

Watson's device was first advertised as such on June 7, 1858, by the Philadelphia Daily Advertiser. The device was sold for ten shillings.

Watson was later convicted of violating the 1857 Criminal Code of Virginia, which made it an offense to "procure a woman to defile herself by excreting herself on a public street or highway."

quote:

How do you make a man orgasm?

quote:

Just piss on him.

ultrafilter posted:

https://twitter.com/dril_gpt2/status/1417247375857373184

Welp. Human shitposters had a pretty good run.

Brawnfire posted:

GENERATED HATS PARTY

Farecoal posted:

The British counterpart:

https://twitter.com/OisinKealy/status/1419396276525977604

RatHat posted:

I see the AI is still struggling with Trans=Trains

ultrafilter posted:

I try not to just post the drilbots, but they're so good.

https://twitter.com/dril_gpt2/status/1419691732422119427

repiv posted:

Flight Simulators 3D map data is procedurally generated from aerial photos, and came up with some interesting new architecture

https://twitter.com/Cor3ntin/status/1419718934434091008

repiv posted:

https://twitter.com/Cor3ntin/status/1419718934434091008