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It's summer, which means that Dwight's cousin Bill is coming to visit. Dwight is excited as he and Bill have been very close for decades, since they were both babies. Dwight leaves work early to get Bill from the airport, and manages to catch him just as he's coming down the escalator. They embrace and Dwight says he can't wait to show him some of the improvements on the farm. Bill is also a farmer and says he's excited to show Dwight some photos of his new pumpkin patch. The next day, Dwight is at work when Bill, strangely, shows up and sits in Jim's desk. When Dwight asks what he's doing, Bill mutters "oh poo poo" and runs out the door. A few seconds later, a sweating and panting Jim shows up. Dwight tries calling Bill to find out what happened, but he can't reach him. Oddly, Jim's phone rings during this time but Jim simply says "wrong number" and ignores it. Dwight gets home and asks Bill about the strange incident at work, and Bill says it sounds like "That prank guy, James or whatever, must have tried another one of his brilliant pranks." Dwight agrees, then says that he'll be vigilant for Jim trying out any funny business. Dwight and Bill go to the movies and get dinner together and have a wonderful time. At the office the following day Jim looks exhausted and Pam keeps asking him if it's "worth it". Jim perks up with Dwight shows up, however, and asks him how Bill is. Dwight says that it's been great, and Jim smugly smiles at him. Pam bursts into tears and runs off. Jim follows her and Dwight happily continues working. Jim comes back an hour later and asks if Dwight could "give Bill a night off". Dwight is confused and says that they're planning to go out for sushi tonight, and Jim loudly sighs and leaves the office again. That night, Bill seems slightly distracted while he and Dwight are eating sushi. In fact, Bill keeps checking his phone and texting someone. Dwight asks what's wrong, and Bill just says that he's got "a personal issue". Dwight respects his privacy and they finish the meal. As they're leaving, Dwight sees Pam sitting silently in a car, watching them. He walks over and introduces her to Bill. "Oh, nice to meet you Bill. I'd introduce you to my husband, but he's a little busy right now. But, you probably know alllll about that, huh? Actually, you know what might be fun? Let's call Jim. Let's call him on the phone and see how he handles this one." Dwight smiles and agrees to this. Bill suddenly yells out that he has "powerful diarrhea" and asks for a bathroom, rushing off quickly. Dwight says that Bill "sometimes gets that" and smiles again. Jim picks up the phone and, completely out of breath, says hello. Pam asks him to stay on the phone for a while to meet Bill, and Jim agrees, adding "Boy I sure am glad I married the first woman to show me some attention, that was a great idea." Pam then lovingly adds "And I'm glad I left art school for you, really investing in my future." Bill shows up and apologizes for running off, but says that he now has everything "under control" and is ready to talk to Jim. the conversation is a little awkward (Jim just keeps saying "yes" every 30 seconds) but it's fine, and Dwight is happy. Dwight and Bill head home and Pam starts crying in her car again. That night, Dwight asks Bill if he can keep a secret. Bill agrees, and Dwight takes him to a locked shed on the Schrute Property. Dwight unlocks it. Inside is a massive computer system along with a humanoid robot. Dwight explains that this is his "Anti-Jim" system, designed to catch Jim in the middle of a prank. The robot has been programmed to capture Jim and neutralize him, ensuring no more pranks happen. When Bill asks how it works, Dwight laughs and says that it's all very technical and boring, but it helps that Jim "left all that sperm around the office". Bill starts sweating and asks when Dwight plans to use it, and Dwight smiles (with just a hint of smugness) and says he's turning it on right now. Bill finally gives up, begs Dwight to stop the machine, and then removes the elaborate prosthetics on his face, revealing Jim. For the first time, Dwight has the upper hand on Jim. Dwight reveals that he knew this from the moment he picked up "Bill" at the airport, and that the Anti-Jim machine is just a bunch of Halloween decorations taped together. Jim lets out a sigh of relief and Dwight says he hopes he learned his lesson about pranks. As Jim heads home, Dwight gets his phone and dials his cousin Bill's real phone number. A woman's voice answers, unusual as Bill lives alone. Even more unusual, it's Pam. Dwight asks what's going on and Pam, holding back sobs and almost impossible to understand, tells Dwight to look at any old photos of "Bill". Dwight does and realizes to his horror that it's Jim in makeup in every photo. Even as a child, it's very obviously middle-aged Jim wearing children's clothing and prosthetics. Dwight looks at a photo of them as infants together and "Bill" smiles smugly at the camera, a hint of stubble on his chin and floppy hair hanging down over his eyes.
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Jul 27, 2021 16:12
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| # ? May 31, 2024 18:11 |
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jim captures dwight in a small electronic ball, and forces him to fight other paper salesmen until they collapse from exhaustion. with the aid of five other office members that he has similarly trapped, jim is able to defeat the Elite 4, although meredith needs to be taken to the pokecentre.
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Jul 27, 2021 16:34
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Dwight is running late for work and it's not helping that a giant a parade is taking place, closing down half of Scranton. Dwight zooms down an alleyway to try and find a clear shot to the office, only for the parade to cut him off. Dwight gets a look at the grand marshal and it's Jim, proudly waving a baton and smiling smugly.
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Jul 27, 2021 16:35
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Jim releases a new perfume, Eau d’Smug, which is wildly successful and used by men and women alike in Scranton. One day, he appears on television and announces that he invented “Joker serum” and put it in all of his cosmetics. Immediately everyone who ever used a Jim product is transformed. Their hair becomes a floppy, messy mop; their face perpetually mugs the closest camera; and they feel uncomfortable desires to prank. Jim and his gang of thugs pull an elaborate prank by stealing the largest diamond from the Scranton Natural History museum
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Jul 27, 2021 16:45
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Jim challenges Dwight to be on Family Feud and Dwight accepts. The day of the competition comes and Team Dwight (Dwight, Angela, Mose, Rolf, and Michael Scott) is ready to take on Team Jim (Jim, a 12 foot tall version of Jim, Jim's shadow, a robot version of Jim, and Pam). The first question pops up and Steve Harvey nervously reads it. "We surveyed 100 Americans for this one. Name an unhealthy food that you just love to eat!" Dwight buzzes in first and says ice cream. He gets a red X for his efforts. Jim gets the chance to steal. "Well, Steve, I'm gonna have to say human skin!" Steve laughs but Jim stares at him, so Steve asks if it's on the board. It is. Number one. Team Jim steals the answer and clears the board (the other answers were swamp water, wasps, children's fears, and apple trees). Only Pam misses, and Jim "jokingly" says he'll murder her later for missing one. Team Jim wins the game and is rewarded with a brand new car. The next day at work, Jim shows up driving the new car and smiles smugly at Dwight, who's still driving his old car. Jim crashes into a telephone pole, knocking it over and taking out power for several city blocks.
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Jul 27, 2021 18:30
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Jim starts calling Dwight “balloon boy.” Dwight doesn’t understand until the office sits down together to watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade and Dwight sees his own face looming over the New York skyline next to Woody Woodpecker and Charlie Brown.
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Jul 27, 2021 18:34
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Jim asks Dwight what his favorite Pixar movie is, and Dwight replies that it's "The Incredibles". Jim smiles smugly and says he has a surprise for him. Craig T Nelson enters the office and high-fives Dwight, then signs a photo for him before leaving. Dwight is overjoyed at a chance to meet the voice of Mr. Incredible. The next day Jim asks Dwight what his least favorite Pixar movie is. Dwight replies "Cars 3, I guess?" as Jim smiles again. Paul Newman enters the office and high-fives Dwight. Dwight is disturbed and asks how it's possible when Newman passed away in 2008. Upon saying this, Newman looks shocked and then turns into a pile of dust. Jim mugs for the camera as Dwight is forced to vacuum up the deceased Oscar-winner.
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Jul 27, 2021 18:42
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Jim makes sweet passionate love to Meredith. Meredith needs to be taken to the hospital.
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Jul 27, 2021 18:48
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Dwight is hit with cosmic radiation while decorating the farm for a 4th of July party, becoming Balloon Boy. Gaining the ability to inflate his body like a balloon, Dwight takes on crime on the mean streets of Scranton and supervillains such as Dr. Needle, The Party Pooper, and Helium Sheila. Sadly, his career is cut short when Jim introduces all of Scranton to his inflation fetish, officially making every interaction with Dwight feel kind of icky and weird. Jim mugs for the camera and admits that he's the one who gave Dwight powers in the first place as a way to experience his weird fetish. Dwight desperately attempts to have his powers removed after realizing this fact.
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Jul 27, 2021 18:59
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Jim becomes The Party Pooper. Meredith has to be taken to the hospital after her office birthday party.
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Jul 27, 2021 19:43
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Jim finds a genie and makes the following three wishes 1) A genie lamp appear on Dwight's desk 2) Dwight be compelled to rub the lamp when he sees it 3) Jim himself becomes the genie of the lamp Jim then smiles smugly at the camera as he appears to grant Dwight's three wishes, but grants them in a mischievous and literal monkeys paw way. All of Dwight's wishes go very badly for him. Jim then lives as a slave for all eternity, trapped in a bottle and going from owner to owner for only brief periods.
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Jul 27, 2021 19:49
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jim emplaces a draconially small max character count for posts on the forum which dwight likes to share beet farming techniques, dog grooming advice etc. dwight is left trying to have a conversation with a max post size of 250 characters. jm mugs cmra
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Jul 27, 2021 20:33
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Dwight orders a T-bone steak for lunch every day at work in the hopes of acquiring the nickname “T-bone.” Jim t-bones Dwight’s car in the parking lot. Jim’s office nickname becomes “T-bone.” Meanwhile, Dwight has to wear a colostomy bag for the rest of his life. The balloon of poo poo at Dwight’s waist earns him the nickname “shitboy.” Jim mugs the camera and digs into a T-bone steak cooked well done and slathered in ketchup.
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Jul 27, 2021 20:47
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Jim develops a hit indie game called "Balloon boy" featuring a 16 bit character that is a dead ringer for Dwight. The game becomes a smash hit and soon everyone who sees Dwight's resemblance starts calling him Balloon Boy. Dwight initially gets very frustrated by this, but eventually comes to terms with his sudden fame, and starts enjoying the good natured enjoyment people get out of noticing the resemblance. He even gets a few local news interviews about his role as the inspiration for the character. Just as Dwight's fame hits it's crescendo, Jim releases "Balloon boy II", an awful sequel where the entire goal of the game is to get the Balloon boy to beat children and perform sexual acts on farm animals. As the apparent face of the franchise, Dwight's reputation is ruined due to the awfulness of both the sequel, and the acts depicted in it. Jim, who released the games under a pseudonym is personally unaffected by the backlash, mugs the camera. Deki fucked around with this message at 23:04 on Jul 27, 2021 |
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Jul 27, 2021 22:58
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Jim paints a white stripe down Dwight’s back. Dwight is subsequently raped by a French skunk.
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Jul 28, 2021 02:54
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Jim logs into Dwight's computer and moves all the midget porn into the Nun_Porn folder and all the Nun porn into the Midget_Porn folder. Dwight reports himself to HR he's so confused.
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Jul 28, 2021 04:11
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Dwight awakens from a fever dream. How could he have enjoyed selling paper, being caught up in antics, etc. He calls for a valet to bring him freshly chilled beet juice, but no one answers his call. His mansion is chilling empty. He makes his way downstairs and stops. The Jim is there, the one from his dreams. He removes a bad wig to reveal even worse hair. He speaks oddly, telling Dwight that The Sleeper Must Still Lie. Dwight's head is wracked with pain. How long has he been like this. He curls up into a ball. Behind him, a Greater Jim laughs a soundless cry. Jim mugs the Jim as Dwight cries.
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Jul 28, 2021 05:19
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Dwight wakes up at 2am with a funnel in his mouth. "Shh, shh, go back to sleep, buddy," says Jim. Dwight chases Jim out of his house and locks the door.
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Jul 28, 2021 05:59
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Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:jim emplaces a draconially small max character count for posts on the forum which dwight likes to share beet farming techniques, dog grooming advice etc.
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Jul 28, 2021 08:02
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While Dwight is busy all day with a client, Jim steals his car and takes it in for a car wash, full tune up, and oil change. Dwight is none the wiser. Jim mugs at the camera.
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Jul 28, 2021 14:26
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Michael challenges the office to compete in the "First Annual Dunder Mifflin Science Fair", where each employee can submit a science project. The judges (Michael, Oscar, and Kevin) will pick the best one, and the winner gets a $100 gift card to Poor Richard's. The competition is one month away, giving each budding scientist plenty of time to devise a project and construct it. Dwight spends the month breeding a new cold weather resistant beet. He presents the new beet at the fair, along with peer-reviewed research showing that the beet can survive even the harshest of Pennsylvania winters. Oscar nods approvingly and Kevin frantically scribbles on his notebook. As the judging continues, it looks like Dwight has won this one for sure. Meredith's volcano is cool, but it's just a baking soda volcano. Angela's "The Bible: Truth or Super Truth?" is just a piece of posterboard covered in Bible quotes. And the less said about Kelly's "The Science of Fashion", the better. Jim stands proudly by his project, covered in a sheet, as the judges approach. "Well, judges, this is my experiment. I wondered what would happen if you exposed an office full of people to a powerful mutagen. And, we're about to find out!" Jim tears off the sheet, revealing a glowing green goo inside a bucket. Jim scoops up fistfuls of it and starts throwing it around the office. Dwight grabs everyone he can and helps them out the front door, but it's too late for Michael, Kevin, Pam, and Jim. Dwight hides under his desk, reaching for a shuriken to disable Jim. As he pokes his head up, he sees Michael and Kevin have fused into a monstrous creature. The Kevin-Michael beast roars at him, then vomits up chili. Dwight deftly dodges it just as the creature collapses into a pile of goo. Jim now has giant lobster claws for hands ("Cool", he keeps saying to himself) and is still hurling mutagen around the office. Pam has transformed into a thousand-legged insectoid creature that's starting to pound on the windows. The glass is starting to crack and Dwight, fearing what would happen if this thing got out, races over. Using his shuriken, he beheads it and whispers "Rest in peace, Pamela" as he does so. Jim has now drenched himself in mutagen and turned into a writhing mass of tentacles, claws, and bones. Dwight expertly tosses his shuriken into the middle of the creature. It hits and blue blood (at least, Dwight thinks it's blood) sprays all over the office as the thing drops to the ground, screaming. Dwight surveys the damage around him. At least his beet is safe. Suddenly, the thing that used to be Michael pops up. "First prize goes to Jim for all of this greatness. Big round of applause please for Jim!" Jim writhes smugly for the camera as Dwight grabs his 2nd place ribbon from Michael's 17-fingered hand.
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Jul 28, 2021 14:49
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Jim creates a device that allows the user to travel between dimensions, but, when activating it to send Dwight to the Beetless Zone, he accidentally gets sucked into it and they're both transported to a dimension where sentient electronics live. VCRs are walking around with computerized legs! Old, colorful, iMacs stand on the street corner, beckoning the poor laptops who just want to go to work to come "have a good time in this port." Jim and Dwight walk around in awe at the marvel they're witnessing. Unfortunately, their lack of attention means that a camera mugs Jim, robbing him of his interdimensional portal device and dooming them to a world they know nothing about.
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Jul 28, 2021 15:13
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low key sex master posted:Jim creates a device that allows the user to travel between dimensions, but, when activating it to send Dwight to the Beetless Zone, he accidentally gets sucked into it and they're both transported to a dimension where sentient electronics live. VCRs are walking around with computerized legs! Old, colorful, iMacs stand on the street corner, beckoning the poor laptops who just want to go to work to come "have a good time in this port." Jim and Dwight walk around in awe at the marvel they're witnessing. Unfortunately, their lack of attention means that a camera mugs Jim, robbing him of his interdimensional portal device and dooming them to a world they know nothing about. Watch out Dan Harmon’s gonna steal this one.
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Jul 28, 2021 15:18
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Jim erases Dwight's save file of "Skies of Arcadia: Legends" which includes every Bounty captured, every Moonfish caught, every Discovery found, and every single character fully-leveled. Dwight (who hasn't played the game since 2008) sighs and considers replaying the game but loses interest when he realizes how many random battles he'll be encountering. Jim mugs for the camera and grabs Dwight's memory card containing save files for Mario Sunshine, Eternal Darkness, and Mario Kart Double Dash.
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Jul 28, 2021 15:20
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jim seizes dwight's left hand and breaks his little finger with a savage twisting motion. as a joke.
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Jul 28, 2021 15:21
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’Twas brillig, and slithy Toby Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: All mimsy were the borogoves, And the Mose raths outgrabe. “Beware the Jimmerwock, my son! The jaws that prank, the hair that flaps! Beware the Janjan bird, and shun The frumious Pamdersnatch!” He took his jello'd sword in hand; Long time the manxome foe he sought— So rested he by the Tumtum beets And stood awhile in thought. And, as in uffish thought he stood, The Jimmerwock, with eyes of flame, Came whiffling through the camera wood, And mug-mugged as it came! One, two! One, two! And through and through The jello'd blade went staple-snack! He left it dead, and with its head He went galumphing back. “And hast thou slain the Jimmerwock? Come to my arms, my beamish boy! O frabjous day! Callooh! Kelly!” He chortled in his joy. ’Twas brillig, and slithy Toby Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: All mimsy were the borogoves, And the Mose raths outgrabe.
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Jul 28, 2021 15:49
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Jim and Dwight decide to call a truce to all this pranking nonsense. As part of that, they've taken to walking together on their lunch. A good power walk down the road and over to the nearby park. There's even a trail-head there for a larger trail network. They don't get to go down it much given their time constraints and stuff, but it's a nice area to go out and catch some sun. After about a week and a half or so of this Jim leans in a little on Dwight during their power-walk and says 'Dwight, I've got something for ya,' Dwight is caught unawares, his mind at first is defensive, fearing that he's going to be pranked again, but then corrects itself and wonders if maybe Jim is going to reach out to ask if he wants to join his fantasy football team (Which Dwight would actually love to do, he's been waiting for this!). Instead, Jim holds an arm up to Dwights chest to arrest both of their progress and exclaims, 'Dwight, I've rarely shared this with anyone, but, can you see that, there?" And he points to a tree. Dwight says that he sure can, but notices nothing particular about it. Jim looks at him with appears to be a sense of sad frustration and repeats "No. Can you SEE that, there?" And again points. At which point Dwight sees the shadow of the tree flicker, or shimmy for a moment, but he can't be sure WHICH term best describes it. He DID see it though. He looks back to Jim, alarmed and Jim knows he's seen it now too. "Dwight, these are the shadows between the walls. The Cure To What Ails Us and the following of paths." Dwight is immediately aware.
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Jul 28, 2021 15:57
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Jim and Dwight, a power duo for closing sales, get the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders to agree to buy all their paper from Dunder Mifflin for three years. Jim frowns and says “I hate this part.” He then pulls out a thin razor-edges dagger and slices a deep gash into his left arm, bleeding profusely into a silver bowl. Grimacing with pain, he dips a quill and signs the contract with his own blood.
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Jul 28, 2021 16:42
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Dwight is using the bathroom at work when Jim rushes in, grabs the urinal next to him (there are 3, and Jim could have left a space between the two of them), and loudly says "IS THIS WHERE ALL THE DICKS HANG OUT?!?"
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Jul 28, 2021 17:38
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Jim punches Dwight into the stratosphere, then teleports ahead of Dwight and punches him back down to earth. "Pathetic." Jim smirks at the camera from above, clenching his fist in triumph.
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Jul 28, 2021 18:18
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Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:’Twas brillig, and slithy Toby
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Jul 28, 2021 18:30
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Dwight lives in San Jose, California, at an apartment complex called "Avalon on the Alameda". He has a first-floor apartment, and lives with a roommate to reduce the impact that the San Francisco Bay Area rent has on his bank account. As a prank, Jim breaks into Dwight's apartment after Dwight has left for work. He takes Dwight's new Thinkpad 25th anniversary laptop he was excited to buy only weeks ago, as well as his Nintendo Switch. Finally, he rummages through his roommate's room and steals his CD DJ set. He leaves the apartment door slightly ajar on his way out. The next day at work, Jim asks Dwight, "How's Mario Oddysey going?" Dwight explains that his Switch was stolen, and he does not have the motivation to start the game over from scratch after having progressed as far as he did. Dwight files a police report, and uses it to file an insurance claim for his stolen goods. He receives compensation for the stolen items. Jim mugs the camera, knowing that the lost Super Mario Oddysey progress and motivation is irreplaceable, and Dwight will never finish the game.
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Jul 28, 2021 18:43
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Jim coaxes paper wasps to build a nest in Dwight's underwear drawer. Dwight's groin is badly stung. Meredith has to be taken to the hospital for severe stings on her neck and face.
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Jul 28, 2021 18:48
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The office is abuzz with excitement for Jim's new video game, a project he's been working on for years. After a heartfelt speech in the breakroom about his childhood passion for video games and thanks to the Dunder Mifflin team for inspiring him it's time to reveal the final product. The game is called Suck N gently caress Dwight Adventure and is less a game than it is a 30 minute animated movie of Dwight having full sex with a large beet as an incredibly buff cherub with Jim's head flies around shooting arrows into his rear end and saying things like 'this guy loves fuckin beets' and 'Dwight Schrute is a sexual menace and must be stopped'. Naturally the game leaves everyone uncomfortable and impossible to actually sell to a studio. Still, thanks to Steam's lax oversight on what can actually be hosted on their platform Jim is able to launch it. Within a day of no sales (mainly due to the $85 price tag and product description simply reading 'yea you like this game don't you, bitch?') he's already started an incredibly active thread on Twitter and Reddit using a single review calling it 'just kinda weird' and 'not really clear why this exists, nobody knows who Dwight is' to claim he's being censored and cancelled for being a white man game dev who 'refuses to bow to their agenda'. Soon enough he has enough money to retire at 50 to a mansion with a candy wall and ball pit. Jim mugs to the rotting wall of untouched candy. sexpig by night fucked around with this message at 22:43 on Jul 28, 2021 |
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Jul 28, 2021 22:41
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jim secretly reposts pranks from earlier pages of the thread that others had originally posted, claiming the credit for himself. he intersperses them with original content to make it harder for this to be detected.
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Jul 28, 2021 22:51
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Dwight calmly and logically points out that after 2,800 pranks there are bound to be some repeats. Jim throws a plate of jello at him.
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Jul 28, 2021 22:56
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Jim reveals his greatest prank, he's trapped the office, no, all of Scranton, in an endless time loop. Every prank he does has been done countless times before and will be done endlessly until the sun burns out. Meredith has to be taken to whatever agency Loopers work for I haven't seen that movie in ages.
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Jul 28, 2021 23:18
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Jim makes a friendly wager that he can make Angela come more than Dwight can. Dwight agrees to the wager. Jim mugs for the camera as he makes Angela come over and over
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Jul 29, 2021 02:41
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Jim tricks Dwight into opening a Pringles can full of C4.
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Jul 29, 2021 03:23
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| # ? May 31, 2024 18:11 |
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Jim creates a webcomic where two characters who look like Jim and Dwight sit on a couch and play video games. He becomes rich and famous despite having little skill and no talent at drawing or writing, even hosting his own convention. His career starts going downhill, though, when he decides to venture into serious storytelling and posts a series of strips about Dwight having a miscarriage.
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Jul 29, 2021 03:25
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