(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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StashAugustine posted:man working night shifts more or less by myself is a great way to completely smother any remnants of having a social life. just gonna have my brain slowly collapse in on itself Man that sounds so lovely. I used to love being awake while the world was asleep or at work, now I hate that.
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Jul 29, 2021 01:47
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thehandtruck posted:Man that sounds so lovely. I used to love being awake while the world was asleep or at work, now I hate that. yeah I'm actually pretty okay with the hours from a sleep cycle perspective; but having only two nights a week really sucks. No clue how to actually do anything with people, especially since Covid's ticking back up in the area
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Jul 29, 2021 02:56
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CW: The following discusses suicidal ideation in the context of my personal experiences . I have no intention to act upon these thoughts, but they are omnipresent I feel that bringing them up, and the frustration they bring, is important to the post. I am seeing a psych, and getting some of the medication I need for the (minimal) improvements it has given. I posted this elsewhere, and I know its a text bomb, the following is very E/N, and very tl;dr, and for that I apologize. However I feel I need to express all this disgust and trauma that's built up around my mental illness. As someone who has struggled with mental health issues to the point I am disabled and constantly suicidal, the trip through the mental health system has always been with a focus for "getting back to work". After two decades of attempted employment, I had my fourth or fifth mental breakdown and applied for disability. I was recently denied social security disability because I made the mistake of one time in the middle of the process telling a doctor I was "feeling better", which was used by the judge as evidence I could improve, and therefore wasn't consistently disabled for a year per their definitions i.e. only "moderately" depressed rather than the "severe" qualification. My pain and suffering was means-tested and I was found wanting. The judge said my constant desire for suicide and being completely overwhelmed was "neither particularly moving nor relevant" in his judgement. Yes, I appealed, this WAS the appeal. Denials all the way. I've started a new case. Let's hope this works. This looks like getting disability might take longer than my bachelor's degree. Mental health is, it seems, largely an ideological position. Someone pointed out a lot of conditions, like ADHD, are named after the symptoms that annoy neurotypicals/bosses/authority figures the most, rather than the things that harm the affected person the most i.e. in my case it would be the constant feeling that my mind is a misfiring, cloudy, mush of rapid fire, incoherent thoughts, moving far too fast to articulate. An engine set in neutral and the gas slammed on, revving it to 7000 RPM but going nowhere. When I get grilled everytime I mention suicidal ideation, they ask about anger. Literally any and all anger is seen as bad and something to learn how to control and suppress and not express. I feel I am being interrogated for trigger phrases so they can have me involuntarily committed; to be deprived of my liberty and incarcerated for "helpful" reasons, is a fate I find worse than death. Sometimes it feels like mental health is just to keep rent-generating bipeds minimally functional and compliant. I cannot function in a job. Its not lack of skills, its inability to perform "work theater", i.e. the APPEARANCE of being productive. I want to tell everyone who said "fake it until you make it" to gently caress off; for people with autism like myself, who was misdiagnosed as high functioning (because I could temporarily hold down jobs and pay bills but nothing else), you NEVER learn to be nuerotypical or even how to temporarily fake it, even when trying to do so for over two decades of extremely sporadic employment. I am CONSTANTLY twitching and mumbling and pacing and doing stereotypical crazy people behavior and the horror of it is, I'm watching myself do it from own eyes, as if a stranger is controlling my body and I'm helpless to stop any of these bizarre behaviors I see myself constantly doing. At this point, I'm so run ragged that even showing up anywhere on time, even for telecommuting, and reliably doing anything for a period of time, is out of the question. I am functional for approximately 45minutes to an hour every day, including hygiene and eating. If something takes longer to do than that, I am useless for the entire next day or two. In fact, your mere existence is a burden around those around you due to constant weird behavior. I remember all those Pick threads of her talking about how autistic men were scum who hurt all those around them just by existing, and while she is a piece of poo poo, the fact of the matter is, while you can build a wheel chair ramp for someone in a wheel chair and give them a higher desk with no chair to work on, accommodating conditions for a moderate functioning autistic person is just forcing neutroypticals to deal with all the weird poo poo we're constantly doing. The stimming, the mumbling, the rocking back and forth, the weird ritualizations of behavior. Everything about this triggers neurotyptical people's "Something is profoundly wrong, go to fight or flight" instincts. Since I'm not doing anything specifically to break the rules, they don't say anything, so the distrust builds and builds and builds until they're knifing me in the back with the boss to get rid of me. Since I can't play it cool, or however you want to phrase it, the eyes of authority figures have always been on me, I have never been able to escape rule enforcers constantly monitoring me and slamming me for any violation. I held onto jobs for months, or over a year, after I was in full mental breakdown, before quitting. My parents said I gave up too quickly, the disability judge used it as proof I could hold a job since I held on that long. In the face of this, constant humiliation, constant pressure even among sympathetic people to shape up or gently caress off and die in a gutter, in a world that is smaller and smaller and getting worse and worse as the walls close in on me, self-termination and the total ceasing of existence becomes preferable to any alternative. All the commie talk about forging some kind of new hopeful world comes off as more of a sick joke everyday. I don't want hope, I don't give a poo poo about luxury automated communism or whatever the gently caress, I just want my pain to end as quickly and as painlessly as possible, and I see no possible future in which I am both alive and not in constant agony. All these fuckers saying "hold on...I know its not fair...but hold on" seem like people admitting they got nothing, the whole loving thing is doomed and none of them have answers. Making this even worse is all the assholes who say things like "Disabled non-working-in-any-capacity people are lumpenproles, and counterrevolutionary" or that I'm a leech and should gently caress off and die or kill myself. On an industrial, societal wide level, mental health feels like its sweeping all the people who squirt out or fallout of the system and trying to figure a way to throw them back into the hopper of the machine, and those that break entirely get discarded.
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Jul 29, 2021 08:06
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StashAugustine posted:man working night shifts more or less by myself is a great way to completely smother any remnants of having a social life. just gonna have my brain slowly collapse in on itself I did that for a while and it really did a number on me. I like solitude as a general rule but nobody* is going to be fine without socialization indefinitely, and that plus "no sun" is even worse. If you aren't already, I suggest waking up right before work and getting some time to yourself the next morning -- that made it a little more bearable and meant I could still schedule things with friends as long as they were early risers. * barring a tiny handful of people with schizoid neurotypes, maybe, but as I understand it even that characterization is somewhat disputed
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Jul 29, 2021 12:51
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Ronwayne posted:snip I relate to a whole lot of this. I have a tendency to make big text dumps too. There's nothing wrong with it, and it's pretty drat cathartic to get it all out. I think you write well, and you put to words a lot of complex ideas that I struggle to communicate. There's so much judgment and stigma that goes along with mental health issues. A lot of what we experience happens in a public way. People don't see what's REALLY going on with us, but they see symptoms. I'm probably preaching to the choir if I go on about the just world fallacy and myth of the american dream (don't want to assume anyone's american but it's a good summation of bootstraps ideology). Not only do people judge us for poo poo that's out of our control, they seem to feel morally justified in it. People wrong us, and act like we're at fault for it. It hurts like hell. I've internalized the idea that I'm a bad person due to my struggles in education and employment. I try to counteract it, but the feeling is still there. I'm pretty fed up with "fake empathy," for lack of a better term. It seems like EVERYONE thinks they understand what we're going through. Many people don't even try to understand what's going on, because they think they already get it. So many people have acted like they understand unremitting clinical depression because they've been sad before. Many people like to talk about what "worked" for them, as if they dealt with the same problem as you. So many people have expressed their disapproval of the fact that I take a mood stabilizer. This just diminishes what we go through, and is straight-up gaslighting. A lot of this comes from the people closest to us, and feels very alienating. As an aside, I realize the irony in saying I relate to you and calling people out for saying the same thing. I hope I'm not that way, and I want to hear if I come off that way. I'm always very sure to use the term "legal system," because the outcome is certainly not "justice." It's frustrating that our health is treated as an ideological issue. Judges are used as gatekeepers of public funds, and many seem to think they know better than the doctors who diagnose us. I have a sister with special needs, and many of her friends have had protracted legal battles in order to get the support they deserve. Most of them can't survive on their own, but judges will deny them help because they were able to recite their name or the day of the week. Pretty much everyone I know who went on disability for mental health reasons had to go through a multiple-years-long battle. There's a local lawyer I've heard very positive things about, and people say he was able to speed up the process. I don't know how much of a cut he takes. If you connect to your local NAMI chapter, you might be able to find advice appropriate to your location. It's incredibly frustrating and demoralizing to deal with this constant pressure to be "productive." I usually think of that as something that comes from centrists and conservatives, but yeah it's been coming from the left for a long time. Many medical professionals I've dealt with treat mental health issues as a temporary issue that you deal with and move on from. They try to reassure me of my worth by asking about my employment history, and act like I'm just going to get past this hiccup and get back to work. I know some issues are treatable, and some can be managed well. Some are also life-long issues though, and acting like this is some kind of temporary disruption to our productivity is harmful and a form of gaslighting. My work history is pretty dismal, and I end up feeling ashamed and obligated to hide that fact from medical professionals. I can mention a few vaguely impressive-sounding things I've done, but that seems to just raise their expectations of me and lead to greater disappointment. I've been to a number of therapists, and it feels like my experience follows the same pattern. I talk about some of the things I've done, and some of the things I'm doing, and they seem to end up with a high opinion of me. I mask the way I feel through body language and expressions (or maybe I just don't express myself well), but try to capture what I'm going through in words. When I seek therapy, it's because I'm really struggling. The therapist sees me improve from this low point, and seems to think I'm better. I get back to my previous baseline of "managing" my bi-polar disorder and anxiety. A year and a half ago, my current therapist told me she thought she had nothing more to teach me. I was in a crisis, which I worked through, but I'm still struggling. I'm still seeing her on a weekly basis, and still struggling with the same problems I've had for decades. With every therapist, I feel this pressure to be the person they initially thought I was. I can see their expectations crashing down as they get to really know me. Maybe it's projection and an attempt at mind-reading. The anxiety and pressure I feel is real, though. I went out to lunch with my NAMI support group for the first time in a year and a half. We ended up discussing the treatment of people experiencing homelessness and mental health issues. A number of group members want to get involved in advocacy, and they all looked to me. It took all of my willpower to not break down and cry. I'm on the board of the local chapter, but it's a position they made up just for me, with no responsibilities other than showing up to our quarterly meetings. They wanted a peer on the board, and I was basically the only one who showed up. I recently posted about a fellow peer who keeps trying to assign me more responsibility because I'm on the board. I tried to take a class on grant proposal writing, so I could help my local chapter. I washed out due to depression. Now people expect me to write a grant proposal. I know I'm selling myself short in some ways, but I'm simply not the "productive" person many people expect me to be. I feel like I can "fake it," but that sure as hell doesn't lead to the ability to "make it." I have suicidal ideation, too. It's worse at times, and it's less at times. I've had it for decades, and I do my best to "manage" it. Medication, CBT, talk therapy, keeping my psychiatrist updated, going to my support group every week, using my coping skills, getting enough sleep, policing my thoughts, etc. It's still there, and it feels like my way of dealing with pain. When everything seems awful and out of my control, suicide feels like a final way to take control and make the suffering stop. I avoid talking about it, because I don't want to bring people down, and I really don't want people to think I'm using the threat to get my way. I have people I care about, and people who care about me. I strive to stick around for their sake, and I try to find purpose in that. Your post gave me a lot to think about. I've found this thread to be a welcoming place, with good people. I personally don't believe in putting a positive spin on bad things, or building false hope. I think the bare minimum we can do for each other is validate what they're going through, and I think this is a good place for that. I've found my local NAMI chapter to be another good venue for finding understanding. Medical professionals tend to have an academic understanding of mental health, and may lack the ability to relate to us. Peers are far more likely to get it.
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Jul 29, 2021 17:48
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Ronwayne posted:On an industrial, societal wide level, mental health feels like its sweeping all the people who squirt out or fallout of the system and trying to figure a way to throw them back into the hopper of the machine, and those that break entirely get discarded. agreed. here's a quote from a very cspamy therapist, carl whitaker: Psychopathology is proof of psychological health. The individual who is distorted in his thinking is essentially carrying on an open war in himself rather than capitulating to the social slavery. His delusion system and his hallucinations are a direct result of this war with his lifetime situationthe stresses of his living and his efforts to defeat those stresses rather than become a non-person and a social robot. he was a legend and is one of the fathers of modern therapy. towards the end of his career he refused to work with individuals or couples. he wanted to work with the entire family or none of them at all. he was sure (and was right) that mental unhealth existed in the entire family system, and one person was just the holder of it. during session he would famously ally with the identified patient, the one with all the problems, the one who the family all agreed had the issues and was the problem. he would thank them. "thank you for being crazy", he'd say. its impossible not to cry when watching him do that, because who among us wouldnt want to be seen and even thanked for holding the pain of our families. he also talked about the pain of existence in a similar way you do. he said existential anxiety is an "irresolvable dialectic" and cant be solved, but doesnt need to be. and he also once wrestled a client who tackled him to the ground.
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Jul 29, 2021 18:45
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The state of mental health is like medicine in the 1700s; you're better off with a bonesetter.
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Jul 29, 2021 19:17
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breadnsucc has issued a correction as of 19:04 on Aug 21, 2021 |
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Jul 30, 2021 02:46
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I need someone to listen. I got no raise this year for no reason, and then the person I hired to work for me was made my boss so I started looking for a new job and signed an amazing offer letter at an amazing company, only to have it rescinded on Friday because they found bankruptcy on my credit check.....and then my cat died today. This is in addition to a psoriasis flare up post COVID vaccine which requires me to take a biologic that suppresses my immune system that....makes me more susceptible to COVID. gently caress.
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Aug 2, 2021 01:09
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I'm sorry Pillow. I lost my pet recently, and I know you gave them the best life you could for as long as you could.
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Aug 2, 2021 02:01
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Pillowpants posted:I need someone to listen. I got no raise this year for no reason, and then the person I hired to work for me was made my boss so I started looking for a new job and signed an amazing offer letter at an amazing company, only to have it rescinded on Friday because they found bankruptcy on my credit check.....and then my cat died today. christ i'm so sorry. about all of it. My cat's in end stage kidney failure so i'm going to be where you are soon and im dreading it.
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Aug 2, 2021 02:06
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Everybody around me has a drinking problem and I cant loving handle it anymore, its stressful and just brings back traumatic experiences. Im just over it.
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Aug 2, 2021 02:34
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This is probably like a 2/10 on the problems scale compared to most of the people here, but very rapidly both me and my mom have developed restless leg syndrome. At the same time, with basically no prior symptoms. Neither of us can sleep without Tylenol PM or what-have-you, and while it isn't a problem for me to just pace around our apartment for hours, my mom can barely walk without my help and is understandably freaking out. A very stressful situation out of nowhere, made worse by the fact that there's clearly some shared cause but neither of us can figure out what it would be. Are we being poisoned somehow? It isn't like we can talk to a doctor about it, the free clinic ended their walk-in hours ( ) and it takes two weeks to get an appointment. Sometimes they do 12-5pm callbacks, maybe I'll try that tomorrow after this lovely loving night is over.
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Aug 3, 2021 08:36
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Ball Tazeman posted:Everybody around me has a drinking problem and I cant loving handle it anymore, its stressful and just brings back traumatic experiences. Im just over it. have u checked out al anon? its good
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Aug 3, 2021 15:13
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Does anyone itt have experience with ssri's? I've been considering it for a little while now but I'm really hesitant to make things worse for myself.
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Aug 3, 2021 15:47
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my brain has been doing this thing for about a week where I have a horrible nightmare about 2 hours before my alarm and then I toss and turn until I need to get up. it's really miserable and driving me bananas!
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Aug 3, 2021 15:56
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Seatbelts posted:Does anyone itt have experience with ssri's? I've gotten some good results with escitalopram, no noticeable side effects except decreased libido and it really helps with my anxiety and depression.
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Aug 3, 2021 16:16
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My sleep schedule has been jacked for a couple months now. Can't sleep at night. Tired all day at work. Pass out after work. Try and fail to correct on weekends. Repeat. Not bueno. Also, sorry about the cat thing. Mine passed away recently as well and missing him being a jerk sucks.
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Aug 3, 2021 16:17
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Random rear end in a top hat posted:I've gotten some good results with escitalopram, no noticeable side effects except decreased libido and it really helps with my anxiety and depression. Can confirm, although I'm on a very small dosage. It basically "levels out" my mood which is incredibly helpful, I still get sad and happy normally but I have way, way fewer of those grey apathetic feel-nothing days I associate with depression. It made me sweat excessively for the first couple months I was on it but my body seems to have adjusted since and it doesn't do that any more.
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Aug 3, 2021 18:05
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Thank you for the kind words and messages friends - I'm feeling 100% now. Lifting everyone up.
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Aug 4, 2021 00:32
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After a year of living above a gym that would open at 5:30am every morning and preven me from sleeping, I finally moved to a quiet building with my wife and everything was going well until one day she became a snorer. Now I'm being woken up every day between 2 and 5 am and going insane. I take at least two hours to go back to sleep after this happens. I can't sleep after being woken out of a deep sleep and don't know why. Every day is spent in a delirious haze where I can barely talk or think. It affects my work performance and ability to socialise with work colleagues. Then I come home and crash on the couch until it's time for bed again. That's it until the cycle repeats itself. I'm having to take caffeine pills just to function at a substandard level (not good for someone with high blood pressure) and am gaining weight. I can't sleep elsewhere because my apartment is literally just a bedroom and a living room, and the living room has a lovely Aussie heater that also wakes me up if I sleep there. My wife is racked with guilt that she's torturing me and of course I don't blame her, but we don't know what to do. And I'm too tired to act on anything. I'm so tired.
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Aug 4, 2021 18:23
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I wrote this earlier, but backed out of posting it. I'll just go ahead and post it now. Thinking about you all. My therapist and I are working on assertiveness, and she showed me this module: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/For-Clinicians/Interpersonal-Problems. It's from Australia and has kangaroos on the logo, so you know it's legit. I read about all kinds of negative behaviors we learn to get our way growing up, like crying, throwing tantrums, making threats, etc. None of those applied to me, and I realized my answer was to give up if I couldn't do something myself. I've heard people say that you should ask for what you want, because the worst that could happen is that someone says "no." These people either never dealt with abusive people, or didn't learn from the experience. A person with power over you can do a lot worse than say "no." I know I'm fairly sensitive, so minor mistreatment can have a deep effect on me. I use all kinds of coping skills to improve my resiliency, and I feel like I've made real progress recently. Adjusting my mood stabilizer dose and being more open about my experiences has really helped. Some triggering things happened in the past few weeks, but they didn't throw me into a downward depressive spiral. I know my dad has a hold on me, and I've allowed it to continue by not consistently standing up to him. From a young age, he convinced me that it was morally wrong to "complain." I've since realized that this is abusive behavior, meant to silence victims and perpetuate the abuse. I felt a need to cover for his actions to my family, but I'm done with that. A few days ago, we re-did another project. We had spent multiple weekends working on the project the first time around, and came out with a very good final result. He discarded the result and decided to do things slightly differently. He drilled through aluminum with a hole saw, then immediately handed me the drill and told me to remove the bit. I immediately did what I was told without thinking, and burned my hand. I know drill bits get hot, especially when using it for an extended period of time on hard materials. I've worked with these tools many times before, but I let my guard down for a moment and got hurt. The skin is peeling, and there's some pain. I'm honestly not too bothered by that. As long as an injury isn't permanent, I can move on from it. I'm much more affected by the thought that my own parent doesn't care about my wellbeing. I know that isn't completely accurate, but it's close to the truth. He asked me if I wanted to run the burn under some water, and I said no. We got back to work. Later, he gave me poor directions, which I followed to the letter. He treated me like an idiot for not interpreting what he meant. To some degree, I think my dad is pragmatic enough to know that I need to be functional enough to do work for him. He'll ask me how I'm doing, and he'll show some level of concern over injuries. It never seems to affect his expectations of me, though. I have back problems, and moving the wrong way can lead to months of pain. At one point, he had 2 truckloads of mulch delivered to our driveway, and expected me to carry it load by load on my back down 2 flights of stairs and down a steep slippery dirt slope. I hurt my back in the process, and he chewed me out for not cleaning up a mess that I wasn't physically able to clean. My mom goes along with this, and will progressively treat me more and more poorly as a job goes undone. It even rubs off on my sister. She's usually the one person I can go to, but she doesn't fully understand situations due to her special needs. I started working on my assertiveness due to issues I was having with someone at my local NAMI chapter. I know relationships ebb and flow, but it all feels a bit extreme. Sometimes I feel like I can open up to my dad and get support about people I'm dealing with. He only understands and empathizes with certain kinds of situations, but I try to identify them and get what support I can. Other times I'm talking to the very people I'm having with issues with, seeking support from the way my dad treats me. I don't have anyone I can fully rely on, but I think that's fairly normal. I just feel like I'm alternating between perceiving people as a source of support or a source of pain. I know that's black and white thinking. The religious guy who I had issues with gave me some incredible feedback at our support group yesterday. I stood in the way of him becoming a facilitator, and I feel bad about it now. Maybe we can have a frank discussion about what it would take for him to become one. He seems to be doing some genuine introspection, and I respect the hell out of that. Putting this in writing was helpful. I think being more open with people, and identifying black and white thinking will help. I have a really bad track record in trying to work things out with people who treat me poorly. I know there's only so much I can do when a person engages with me in bad faith. I'd like to cut people out of my life for treating me poorly, but I know that isn't always possible or even a good option. I know I can confront people or ask them to treat me better, but I feel like the lack of respect and empathy they show me would still be there. The petty part of me doesn't even want a better relationship with these people, but the pragmatic part of me recognizes that pushing for better treatment would teach me the assertiveness skills I need, and may lead to a better mental health outcome. I'm concerned about letting my guard down, and leaving myself open to greater levels of hurt. Maybe that's worth the risk, though.
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Aug 4, 2021 21:20
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UnfortunateSexFart posted:My wife is racked with guilt that she's torturing me and of course I don't blame her, but we don't know what to do. And I'm too tired to act on anything. I'm so tired. Losing sleep is the worst, I feel for you. Have you tried earplugs?
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Aug 5, 2021 00:39
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UnfortunateSexFart posted:After a year of living above a gym that would open at 5:30am every morning and preven me from sleeping, I finally moved to a quiet building with my wife and everything was going well until one day she became a snorer. Now I'm being woken up every day between 2 and 5 am and going insane. Oh man, I don't normally mind certain noises at night (I lived next to a firehall for years now I live next to a hospital with a busy helipad and its fine) but snoring fucks me up and ruins my calm; anyway my fianc started snoring after years of being together out of nowhere so I know your pain. The only suggestion I can offer is earplugs and sleep music to block out the harshness of the sound (train sounds work best for snoring)
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Aug 5, 2021 00:43
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I've been wearing earplugs for like 25 years already. It helps but not so much with bass noises. My whole life has been shaped by my inability to sleep.
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Aug 5, 2021 11:53
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I'm really lucky my partner can sleep with this playing and I live somewhere I can play it pretty loud if I want. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTba0bNEV14 Its just the right sounds continuously so the bass of snoring doesn't stand out. But it makes sense if you can't sleep to this.
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Aug 5, 2021 17:02
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Hi everyone, sorry if this is a weird post, but here goes... How can one deal with working an office job when you 1) hate office work. It's tedious and mind-numbingly boring, but I'm stuck doing this type of work for the foreseeable future. 2) dealing with ADHD symptoms and anxiety. I can't really focus during meetings and barely have any motivation to complete tasks, yet I'm always afraid of being fired for those exact reasons. 3) just loving hate capitalism and corporate culture. The work I'm doing has no noticeable effect on the world. The only group that benefits is management. I know this'll sound corny, but I think CSPAM would be only place that understands where I'm coming from.
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Aug 6, 2021 15:20
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Equeen posted:Hi everyone, sorry if this is a weird post, but here goes... thehandtruck posted:the modern office is a depraved panopticon. get out as fast as you can i know thats easier said than done obviously. but really the cruelty is the point in a corporate office. it is designed to obliterate any sense of self and self-worth so that you are more easily interchangeable when they fire an employee for someone cheaper. and not commenting on your adhd specifically, but i do often see people diagnosed or self-diagnosed with adhd when they're not able to focus on how to make rich people richer. who could? imo that's a sign of mental health. (again this isn't you specifically 'cause i dont know you but you get my point). and yeah i get what you mean by it feels like only c-spam understands that. that's again where the intersection of mental health and capitalism get to. if it makes you feel any better, more and more people other than c-spam-brained-idiots like us are realizing this too. anyway just wanted to say ur not crazy or broken.
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Aug 6, 2021 18:42
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Equeen posted:Hi everyone, sorry if this is a weird post, but here goes... My solution was to get an office job with a cool nonprofit. Unironically love my job and coworkers including those in management. I'm prescribed adderall but actually use it way less now that I do meaningful work that helps people and doesn't make me want to end myself.
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Aug 6, 2021 20:56
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what is the thinking for folks with severe mental illness, folks who cant safely live in the public with causing fires, fights, or otherwise?
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Aug 7, 2021 04:51
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boy this covid thing seems pretty bad, wish someone in charge would acknowledge that.
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Aug 7, 2021 06:40
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Equeen posted:Hi everyone, sorry if this is a weird post, but here goes... 1) Back when I did meaningless work, I found that gamifying the experience actually helped trick me into feeling I had achieved something. There are loads of apps that give you little rewards for completing tasks. 3) Seconding this: pandy fackler posted:My solution was to get an office job with a cool nonprofit. Unironically love my job and coworkers including those in management. If you work for a library, school, non-profit, any place where you can say that your work improves society somewhat, the work itself will feel more meaningful, even if it's the same shuffling of papers. Set up your habit app to reward you for applying to meaningful jobs, and try to view what you are doing at your current job as a long-term investment into learning skills that will help you land a meaningful job in the long run. You have, in fact, tricked your boss into paying you for practicing skills that will let you do something meaningful later on.
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Aug 7, 2021 12:01
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Equeen posted:Hi everyone, sorry if this is a weird post, but here goes... This reply is probably not that uplifting but I resolved these problems by having a massive mental breakdown, quitting, and being semi-homeless. I realized, when I'm couch surfing, and waking up drenched in sweat when I sleep in my car, and when I don't get enough to eat, that despite how much it sucks, it sucks far less than working in an office. I feel more fulfilled now that my only goals day to day are finding 2000 calories of food that won't make me sick and enough gas to keep the car moving. Jesus hoss, I'm sorry. I'm in a hosed up with a similar situation to my folks too, sadly, the only way I found to solve problems was to start screaming at them. "I am your kid, you are hurting me, why are you doing that?" Ronwayne has issued a correction as of 02:44 on Aug 9, 2021 |
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Aug 9, 2021 02:41
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quote is not edit
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Aug 9, 2021 02:44
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Ronwayne posted:Jesus hoss, I'm sorry. I'm in a hosed up with a similar situation to my folks too, sadly, the only way I found to solve problems was to start screaming at them. "I am your kid, you are hurting me, why are you doing that?" Thanks for your kinds words! I admire your bravery to stand up to them in such a direct manner.
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Aug 9, 2021 14:40
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Hey everybody, just started on escitalopram a couple days ago; wish me luck!
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Aug 9, 2021 14:47
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Uganda Loves Me posted:Thanks for your kinds words! I admire your bravery to stand up to them in such a direct manner. Its more a "nothing left to lose/at the end of my rope" thing than bravery, but yeah, next step is reminding them that as they grow older I will be making choices for them, so we'd better start sorting out and moving towards that.
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Aug 9, 2021 14:59
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Ronwayne posted:Its more a "nothing left to lose/at the end of my rope" thing than bravery, but yeah, next step is reminding them that as they grow older I will be making choices for them, so we'd better start sorting out and moving towards that. Yeah, I'm trying to prepare for that too. I have a sister with special needs, and I'm going to do what I can to look after her. It's not necessarily my responsibility, but I'm not going to let anyone else gently caress that up. I'm worried about my dad's parrot that will probably outlive him, and may live as long as me hahaha.
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Aug 9, 2021 16:00
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Yeah, most pets teach kids about death, parrots and turtles are something you get with the intent of inflicting them on your grandkids. I hope your parrot isn't like that one that screams racial slurs it learned in 1950 at random.
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Aug 9, 2021 16:07
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Luckily she doesn't know any slurs. She does screech loud as hell when she wants attention, but usually quiets down when we put a sheet over her cage. Recently, she learned she can still make noise with a sheet up though. She's cute, but she's straight-up evil. I'll probably get around to posting pics and asking for advice in Pet Island at some point. She's so loud, I probably couldn't live with her in an apartment. I feel bad that she's so starved for attention, and I try to interact with her. She bit my eyelid once, and I'm legitimately worried she could blind someone.
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Aug 9, 2021 16:31
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