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Update 35: Emi, Relf-Reliance, and “Overcoming Your Disability” You ever heard of inspiration porn? It works like this: let’s say you’re feeling kind of down in the dumps. Life is hard, and it’s getting to you. You need a pick me up, but not a huge one, you know? Something that doesn’t take much time and effort to do. So you hit up one of the billion Facebook groups and subreddits where people post motivational memes and start scrolling. You will, inevitably, unless the group/subreddit specifically prohibits this, hit a meme featuring somebody in a wheelchair, or using sign language, or who the caption smugly informs you has a serious health condition. Sometimes they’ll be competing in the Paralympics or whatever, but often as not they’ll just be doing normal people things – going to the store, working at a desk, spending time with family, taking a hike. The text will tell you exactly what’s wrong with them, then compare them to you, who the text assumes is much better off. It’ll describe about just how hard it is for these poor people to lead ordinary lives, or maybe it’ll just cut to the chase: if they can manage in spite of everything they have to suffer through, you can too. You navigate away, inspired by how brave they must be for what is essentially being alive. Yeah, you can probably guess we’re not always big fans. Something interesting about those memes? More often than not, the people in them don’t seem to rely on anyone, whether they’re depicted as alone or interacting with others. We already talked about how disability gets conflated with helplessness all the time, and that’s part of what drives inspiration porn; overcoming that perceived helplessness is something you can supposedly do on your own. This stuff is targeted towards individuals, it’s designed to make you feel like you can overcome your problems without needing other people, you’re strong enough to do it by yourself. And if you’re not strong enough to do it by yourself? Well then, you must be weak. Too weak to lead a normal life, too weak to measure up to anyone else. So, if you don’t want to be weak, don’t want to be lesser, don’t want to be the sort of person who deserves praise just for getting out of bed in the morning, relying on others is a liability. It diminishes you, and you HAVE to be completely independent. Even if it hurts. Update 30 posted:
So, yeah. Like any piece of good literature, KS can be dissected a billion different ways, and that goes for Emi’s route too. But today, in this Frankensteinian hybrid of a route conclusion and a disability corner, we’ll take a look at Emi and Hisao’s story through that lens. Over the course of the next several paragraphs, I’ll deliberately leave something out. If you can spot it, you win a prize, and the prize is nothing. All right, take it from the top. Update 15 posted:
It’s pretty obvious from the beginning just how driven Emi is. Not just in how determined she is, but in her approach to other people: we’ve talked about how pushy she can get in the thread, but it’s worth noting she has a strong sense of responsibility (even if she can get careless sometimes). Whenever something she does hurts Hisao, she’s quick to admit fault and accept responsibility. Update 15 posted:Emi studies her notes, comparing them to markings on the various paint cans, and passes them to me as she finds the correct matches. She stretches her neck to look on the topmost shelf, but it's not quite enough. Her eye level stays below the shelf no matter what she does. Emi gives up and just looks up to the shelf longingly, like a child at a toy store, huffing in annoyance. Not when it comes to herself, though. Emi hates limits. She despises them, she switches from cheerful to angry any time she bumps into one. But she hates being helped even more. She is ferociously proud of her independence, and she covers up her vulnerability with anger if and when it rears its head. Update 19 posted:
As Emi and Hisao drift closer over the course of Act 2, we get a few glimpses of vulnerability from her. Glimpses she quashes. It’s worth noting that she doesn’t lash out at Hisao for seeing her in a compromised state. She’s not some tsundere lashing out at him in exaggerated anime fear; she’s mature enough to not hold it against him and in fact appreciates him keeping mum. She’s happy with him as long as he doesn’t dig. Which, of course, he does. Update 30 posted:
From Hisao’s point of view, Emi’s behavior is deeply worrying; he empathizes deeply with her pain and seeing her suffer hurts him almost as bad. He feels compelled to help her so he can make the pain stop. From Emi’s point of view, he’s violating her agency and trying to “fix” something she has under control – and for the most part, she’s right. The game doesn’t make the timeframe explicit, but we are talking about a whirlwind romance here; Hisao transferred into Yamanaku part way through senior year (unless I misunderstood something, renessia can probably check me on this). Her deterioration can’t have taken more than a month or so. We have no guarantee she’s just as badly off the rest of the year, especially since that deterioration doesn’t become obvious until later in the route as the date itself draws near and her feelings about Hisao tear her up inside. Odds are she usually handles the situation and just moves on when she’s done. But Hisao, at least at first, feels compelled to approach her issues like things he needs to solve for her, and she gets understandably pissed off. Update 30 posted:As I'd hoped, the exams weren't so bad. I managed to breeze through just about everything but the English final. And even that was acceptable. I wonder how Emi did. Even more so, how she's doing; she looked terrible at lunch today. I mean, she was pretty happy to be out of her wheelchair, but she was so exhausted. Something's been wearing her down, and I'm starting to really doubt that it was just the exams. Should I confront her about this, though? My musing is interrupted by a tap on the shoulder. The way he (and the player) deals with that compulsion determines which ending you get. Many of the choices you make in this route don’t have direct mechanical effects; they just provide you with a bit of context, then have Hisao reflect on that choice later on in accordance with the themes of the rest of the route. This here is the first choice that makes a mechanical difference, and it’s a doozy. If you choose to ignore Mutou, the game disables the next two choices, forcing you to blow off of the Nurse (which has no mechanical effect) and follow Emi after she runs away at her house (which absolutely does). While you do get a Hail Mary (which I’ll talk about later), if you ignore that too, then… Remember when Emi tried to force herself to break up with Hisao on the rooftop? In the Bad Ending, there is no “try” about it. By that point Hisao had repeatedly ignored her wishes, invaded her privacy, and assumed he knew how to handle her life better than she did. While he only had the best of intentions, he paved the road to hell with them over the course of the last Act. She definitely could have communicated better, but he also could’ve stopped constantly white-knighting her. So she loving dumps him on the rooftop and that’s that. It's kind of funny that, as much as the thread seems to side with Hisao over Emi (for good reason), I’m actually more sympathetic to her. It’s awful to have people step in and make your decisions for you. It’s a special kind of hell when those decisions are better than yours. If it’s consistent, after a while you end up unable to trust yourself and start deferring instinctively to others, so low in self-confidence you assume they know better because they aren’t you. I’m willing to bet Emi knows this, she may even have seen this in the hospital; it’s tragically common among disabled kids whose caretakers dominate them well into what would otherwise be their adult lives. A lot of abled people, I’ve noticed, kind of assume kids inevitably escape their parents and go out on their own, but if someone’s rigorously raised to be helpless, they’re probably going to end up being helpless into adulthood whether they like it or not. I can’t blame her for making self-destructive decisions when that seems to be the alternative. Update 30 posted:
But if you stop to listen? Well, that starts to reveal something that wasn’t immediately apparent. So far, I’ve presented the choice between help and no help as a binary, implying you have to either go it alone or submit to the control of someone else. Emi certainly seems to think so. She’s wrong. In a way, she’s falling into the same fallacy we talked about at the beginning of this post. Emi may be doing okay, but she isn’t doing well. All those caveats I attached to her situation earlier don’t change the fact that she refuses to take care of her health, or cries in her sleep, or couldn’t maintain her last relationship, or deliberately never thinks more than a month ahead, or has so much trouble forming social bonds despite her friendly nature that her closest friend is someone she can count on not trying to understand her. She can keep going as she is indefinitely, and if Hisao decides otherwise, she will correctly tell him to go hang. But it’s possible to support others without robbing them of their agency. It’s kind of ironic that Mutou, the eccentric and spacey science teacher, consistently offers Hisao better life advice than the Nurse (whose mistakes Psycho Lawnmower has so excellently explained), but Mutou talking about conducting observations at a step removed inspires Hisao to do the same with his relationship, first with the Nurse, then with Meiko. They don’t just give him useful information, though. By giving him context and advice, by checking his worst impulses without forcing him not to follow them, they teach Hisao by example how to do the same for others. And if you fail to talk to Mutou, remember that Hail Mary? After following Emi at her house and getting bawled out by her, Hisao spends the next couple days avoiding her and moping. Eventually, Misha confronts him on the rooftop about what’s going on with their relationship. If he plays it off, only then do you get the Bad Ending. If you decide to let her speak: A theoretical version of Update 33 posted:
I know the thread doesn’t like Shizune and I understand why, so who would’ve expected her to help save their relationship  ? But if you think about it, she and Misha are doing exactly what Hisao should do: their advice and support are unasked for, definitely, but they make him realize his mistakes and bring him around instead of just jumping in to fix things for him. And if you follow their example?A theoretical version of Update 33 posted:
From there we jump to the start of the scene that takes us to the graveyard, and aside from a few textual tweaks, everything is the same up till the good ending. Okay, did you spot what I left out? At no point in this post have I directly mentioned Emi’s legs. That’s because the route writer did something very, very interesting. Instead of making them the focus of the story or a cosmetic detail, they turned her legs into a story element. Her legs are part of her life, yeah, but they aren’t directly important to the story: they’re important in that they symbolize her connection to the accident that cost her her father. After Hisao gets used to thinking about them, the narrative only really focuses on her legs when something goes wrong with them, things only go wrong with them when her character flaws catch up to her, and her character flaws catch up with her whenever her dad comes up. They’re treated like any other object or mannerism that connects a character to their backstory. They aren’t the point of the story, they’re literary devices. Hell, they’re not even literary devices in and of themselves; they only matter when something about them furthers the story. I cannot express just how refreshing that is. As a rule, whenever a disability shows up in a piece of media, it’s a major plot element. Whether it’s part of the premise, a defining character trait, or even a threat, it always ends up the focus of whatever’s going on. The only exceptions throw them in as background details and forget about them, or maybe, MAYBE use them as a red herring. Seeing someone’s disability used like any other character feature is nearly revolutionary, it takes the assumption that a disability defines a person and brushes right past it. It treats it like it would any other aspect of a person from a storytelling perspective, and as you can tell from me rephrasing the same sentence over and over again for half a paragraph, to me at least it’s a really big deal. With the proper placement of Emi’s disability in the hierarchy of plot elements, the story uses it to underline its broader point. It breaks that stereotype, turning what new readers might have expected to be the focus of the story because they’re familiar with that pattern I mentioned into simply a way to reinforce the point. And that point is the lesson of this route: the best way to handle your problems is neither dealing with them entirely by yourself nor relying entirely on others, but instead accepting help from others while making your decisions for yourself. That’s a powerful and nuanced piece of life advice a lot of people need to hear. It is especially important for disabled people, and disability activism in general. A lot of us just can’t live independently, no matter how badly they want to. It’s infuriating, it’s humiliating, but it’s neither avoidable nor a knock on your character. On the other hand, some of us don’t need help at all and live perfectly ordinary lives. But the funny thing about ableism is that, like so many other -isms, it’s structural. “Disability” means a lot more than what a dictionary will tell you; it’s a label that sits on top of a massive complex of observations, assumptions, and biases. While individuals have a role to play in breaking those misconceptions down, they can’t hope to do so by simply showing they’re more capable than their disability might suggest; it just feeds the narrative that gives birth to inspiration porn without challenging the assumptions that make it tick. It’s a trap: we’re conditioned to believe that we can defy a disadvantageous category through hard work and dedication, but we’re actually just climbing into a predefined subcategory within it – one that brings with it personal advantages, yeah, but one that exists so success stories don’t challenge the categorization as a whole. It’s something we need to work together on, something we can only break by discovering what a world without ableism might look like and fighting towards that. And we can only do that by listening to each other, discovering things we missed, covering each other’s weak spots, and relying on each other even as we push on by ourselves. Which is why Emi’s route validates the existence of my job .There’s plenty more we could talk about here, both positive and negative: the nature of Emi’s relationship with Rin, how unrealistically mature Hisao is for a mildly traumatized teenager, Shizune and Misha’s role in the narrative, how the route uses humor to generate emotional whiplash, Emi’s personality shift between Act 1 and the rest of the game, why the Nurse is a terrible medical professional. But by my best estimate this part of the LP broke a hundred thousand words several updates ago, making it substantially longer than most novels. I think it’s time I gave this part of it a rest. That doesn’t go for you guys, though. Remember, once we finish a route all restrictions on discussing spoilers and things I missed or skipped over in that route are lifted; feel free to talk about anything in that route, no spoiler tags necessary. This isn’t the last we’ll see of Emi. As we’ve discussed in the thread, every character shows up in every other route, so she’ll pop up from time to time going forward. But for now, let’s move the spotlight on to someone who’d probably want to avoid it, to someone both completely different from and startlingly similar to Emi: Hanako Izekawa. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 02:00 on Sep 3, 2021 |
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Jul 29, 2021 18:41
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Falconier111 posted:At no point in this post have I directly mentioned Emi’s legs. That’s because the route writer did something very, very interesting. Instead of making them the focus of the story or a cosmetic detail, they turned her legs into a story element. Her legs are part of her life, yeah, but they aren’t directly important to the story: they’re important in that they symbolize her connection to the accident that cost her her father. One thing I found interesting about the way this is presented is that we almost never actually see Emi's prosthetics when she's onscreen, except in scenes where they're specifically relevant (like the track meet). They're out of frame and if you didn't already know she had them, the reader would look and see a 'normal' anime girl and assume she had her natural legs. That seems of a piece with this. While you could argue that this is making her disability invisible, I don't think that's the effect it ends up having narratively; it's really interesting.
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Jul 29, 2021 18:57
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Falconier111 posted:Can you guess who’s route is my favorite? Here’s a hint: she’s best girl. I'm glad that Misha has a route.
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Jul 29, 2021 20:55
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Falconier111 posted:
So, I side with the notion of dealing with these problems…not out of disrespect for Emi’s choices. Each of those choices she has made has helped Hisao, and up until the infection and general emotional problems she was clearly experiencing, all of her decisions had very great impact on their agency, but involved herself in other people, to their benefit. She would be good working with people, if needing someone to talk to her to respect choices, and talk to other about advising choice. But I side with that notion because she is running the risk of hurting herself so irrecoverably and not getting the treatment that she needs that pressing the envelope requires a bit of a shakeup. There’s a difference between “allowing someone to make their own mistakes” and “allowing physical and mental self-harm that needs to be prevented by friends and staff.” I mentioned this earlier with a better Nurse and Emi: In a closed room with no chance of anyone listening, asking leading questions about her condition, what is happening with connection with Hisao-without giving anything about Hisao’s condition (“You saw what happened at the track, right? That’s why you stepped up to help him, right?”), draw a link between Emi’s interest in running with her father, let her talk what comes natural. I think…that’s why the Nurse goes out of his way and risks his job, from where I’m standing. If you can imagine the effort and reaction Emi gives Hisao, I’m sure you’d imagine the kind of reaction someone dealing with her issues might have with talks like “You can’t walk for a couple days” and “you know your own protocol with sterilization and maintenance of your legs between us. What happened?” He shouldn’t have done it, in any respect, or at least learned from Matou-Matou handled it the right way with the Quark analogy, absolutely brilliant-but I get why he did it. Hisao’s heart was in the right place, and I mentioned earlier-as an developmentally-disabled adult-that his willingness to step back felt like he was not willing to press his own agency, and was in fact cedeing it for her benefit-which didn’t feel right either.. The big takeaway that I thought made Hisao’s point bad was the level of emotion he gave to acting in her benefit. He was so sure that it was needed and that he knew what to do that the…assurance is something I would have said: “Hey, hold on…take a deep breath…1…2…3…do you know what to do here? Are you sure?” Am I sympathetic for Emi? Absolutely-especially since Hisao only barely knew the right words, but not the right emotional outlook. Do I think intervention was required? Ooooh yeah. Psycho Lawnmower fucked around with this message at 02:58 on Jul 30, 2021 |
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Jul 29, 2021 21:29
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Oftentimes I struggle with my own identity as a PWD. I'm not even like Emi or Hisao either. I've been disabled since birth. Where does my disability end and the person begin? They kinda don't. My disability is me and so am I. I wish it was that simple really. Society has labelled me a sexless thing rather than an actual living person. I don't even fit in with most AFAB people. I read something on Tumblr (I know.) that said that women get unwanted sexual attention at age 12 or so. That wasn't my life. Hell, the most I got was being asked if I could drive a car. I was 12. Reading that Tumblr post made me struggle with my gender identity. Who was I? Was I that mythical gender no one wanted? Women with disabilities simply don't exist.
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Jul 29, 2021 22:06
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With the wrap up of a route comes another round of  posts. Psycho Lawnmower, Mikl, EclecticTastes, Nidoking, Violet_Sky, Dance Officer, StrangeAeon, Ghost Car, Dirk the Average, Antistar01, you guys all get the nod this time; you’ve already given your permission so you don’t have to do anything, but I just wanted to let you know. Just remember you have the right to request I take down your posts or change how I present them at any time.MadDogMike and BurningBeard (E: also, same goes for renessia and Haifisch, if you're still around), I need your permission in the thread or through a PM to put your posts in the OP. I have a background in oral history, and I know drat well how sensitive information about a person’s disabilities is from a legal and moral standpoint. But I can’t really apply the full set of ethical standards to this without it getting ridiculous, so this is my compromise with myself. You can give me permission just to use those specific posts in the OP or give it for any of your posts going forward; in the latter case, say that you grant me permission to use your posts in this thread going forward unless you specifically say otherwise. And I mean it - you can tell me at any time to take this stuff down and I will. I’ve also been planning on setting up a backup for this LP on AO3 in case something goes wrong over here before I complete it and it enters the LP Archive; while I am planning on uploading the text of your posts there, I’ve settled on using abbreviated versions of people’s usernames there to preserve some anonymity, and you can request I make your records there anonymous or leave them out entirely. Or let me use your full username over there if you want, whatever. You keep the same rights over your information as you get here, too. … God that looks like a big block of legalese, but eh, it does the job. Next route kicks off on Monday. PS: there’s a very nice thread in Ask/Tell about what it’s like to live as autistic if you’re interested in further reading. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 02:39 on Aug 1, 2021 |
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Aug 1, 2021 00:53
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I still don't see why my posts are in any way relevant, but feel free to add them.
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Aug 1, 2021 06:46
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Falconier111 posted:It's kind of funny that, as much as the thread seems to side with Hisao over Emi (for good reason), I’m actually more sympathetic to her. It’s awful to have people step in and make your decisions for you. It’s a special kind of hell when those decisions are better than yours. If it’s consistent, after a while you end up unable to trust yourself and start deferring instinctively to others, so low in self-confidence you assume they know better because they aren’t you. I’m willing to bet Emi knows this, she may even have seen this in the hospital; it’s tragically common among disabled kids whose caretakers dominate them well into what would otherwise be their adult lives. A lot of abled people, I’ve noticed, kind of assume kids inevitably escape their parents and go out on their own, but if someone’s rigorously raised to be helpless, they’re probably going to end up being helpless into adulthood whether they like it or not. I can’t blame her for making self-destructive decisions when that seems to be the alternative. I will say I do feel in the end it WAS Emi's decision to accept Hisao's help, which definitely feels better plot-wise. She was the one who decided it was OK to accept his help, and pretty much told him (and her mom) how she wanted him to help, and he respected that and did that. It's a tough needle to thread the theme of "you should ask for and accept help when you actually need it" with "people's agency should be respected no matter what 'problems' they have", but I felt like that did it as well as they could. quote:Okay, did you spot what I left out? At no point in this post have I directly mentioned Emi’s legs. That’s because the route writer did something very, very interesting. Instead of making them the focus of the story or a cosmetic detail, they turned her legs into a story element. Her legs are part of her life, yeah, but they aren’t directly important to the story: they’re important in that they symbolize her connection to the accident that cost her her father. After Hisao gets used to thinking about them, the narrative only really focuses on her legs when something goes wrong with them, things only go wrong with them when her character flaws catch up to her, and her character flaws catch up with her whenever her dad comes up. They’re treated like any other object or mannerism that connects a character to their backstory. They aren’t the point of the story, they’re literary devices. Hell, they’re not even literary devices in and of themselves; they only matter when something about them furthers the story. I cannot express just how refreshing that is. As a rule, whenever a disability shows up in a piece of media, it’s a major plot element. Whether it’s part of the premise, a defining character trait, or even a threat, it always ends up the focus of whatever’s going on. The only exceptions throw them in as background details and forget about them, or maybe, MAYBE use them as a red herring. Seeing someone’s disability used like any other character feature is nearly revolutionary, it takes the assumption that a disability defines a person and brushes right past it. It treats it like it would any other aspect of a person from a storytelling perspective, and as you can tell from me rephrasing the same sentence over and over again for half a paragraph, to me at least it’s a really big deal. With the proper placement of Emi’s disability in the hierarchy of plot elements, the story uses it to underline its broader point. It breaks that stereotype, turning what new readers might have expected to be the focus of the story because they’re familiar with that pattern I mentioned into simply a way to reinforce the point. Yeah, I REALLY liked it when I realized that fact. I suppose there's some debate about how well the other routes do it, but in general I like this game because it does feel like the writers didn't ignore the disabilities of the girls when it mattered to the story but they didn't really make them the core of the story. Considering how easy it would have been to say "Well, the feature of this game is disabled girls, we should focus on that specific item!", I'm glad the writers did better than that I feel. Falconier111 posted:With the wrap up of a route comes another round of You have my permission to quote anything I say, but I feel I should mention a disclaimer here that I'm not really speaking from a position of personal experience when it comes to disabilities. While I have some experience/familiarity with mental health issues, enough to feel comfortable speaking about them, I have not really closely known anyone with any sort of permanent disability apart from a relative who suffered a stroke with severe speech/mobility issues, nor do I have any condition of my own I feel would be fair to describe as such. I'm just someone who played and enjoyed the game, so I've been trying to restrict my comments to the game and its writing and not on disability in general; my deepest apologies if I somehow misrepresented myself otherwise to anyone here. Though now that I've confessed my ignorance, I hope the thread will permit me some questions to those that do know more, coming from things I do have some experience with thanks to a lot of graduate work in medical research, particularly gene therapy. What do folks think of conditions for which treatment is possible in relation to disabilities? I don't want to get into the weeds of proposed treatments for current disabilities here (most of the ones I'm aware of are either still in research only or have legitimate arguments about efficacy I don't want to get distracted by), but speaking historically I do think there are many things that could have been considered disabilities that now aren't really treated as such because of medical advances. Diabetes pre-insulin for example I think could have been argued as a disability (quite a nasty one too given how quickly people with it tended to die, with the only other treatment with any effect being literal starvation diets), but I can't recall seeing it presented as such by most people today. But they still have issues (like the recent insulin pricing stuff) that require some public consideration. Do folks think any of the terms and concerns of disability apply to these sorts of issues? Or are they a completely different problem? And what line is there between disability and condition (assuming there is one), and how does medical progress affect it? And a more personal question; back when I was studying gene therapy the death of Jesse Gelsinger in a gene therapy trial had left the field still quite shaken up. For all the accusations of greed causing things to get pushed that far, I remember wondering at the time if a larger part of the problem was the medical researchers being so sure and excited they had a "cure" they failed to take the ethical safety precautions, which I took as a professional precaution about letting the sentiment "I can cure these people!" override caution. But I kind of wonder now, listening to people talk about disability issues, if talking/being excited about "cures" is also kind of insulting too? I guess appropriately enough since we've been talking about the dangers of disrespecting agency and "fixing" with people with disabilties, I kind of wonder how that applies to medical research and treatments. Is there a more respectful way to talk about that sort of thing, to say "I'm trying to help" vs. "I'm trying to fix you" here?
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Aug 1, 2021 06:57
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Update 36: Meet Cute Katawa Shoujo OST - Wiosna  And here we go again. I could just take it from the top and transcribe everything like it was a brand-new playthrough where we gun for Hanako instead of Emi, but seriously, why? Instead, I’ll just skip scenes we’ve already seen, make note of any changes too minor to stop the narrative to transcribe, and resume whenever we hit something new. I’ll also make note of which updates we’ll be skipping between, so if you want to try and read along like you were playing this route straight through, you can just go back to wherever and flip between old and new updates until they synthesize and we hit Act 2; feel free to ignore it if you want, I'd just like you to have that option. I have no idea how well this format will work: please let me know if I can improve it.Anyway, let’s get started. I may not be writing it up, but I chose to play from the start instead of reloading an old save to make sure I trigger the right flags. Thank gently caress for the skip function. Also thank gently caress for the scene structure. You know how all these updates have whimsical titles? I name them after whatever the most prominent scene in the update is (most updates include ~2 scenes), and since that means I can tell where in the scene structure a given update is at a glance, I can orient myself pretty quickly. Speaking of which… Katawa Shoujo OST - Daylight  What to do... >"Read my book." >"Wait for Shizune and Misha to come to a decision." >"Go talk with Hanako." We’re picking back up maybe a third of the way through Update 8, at the choice right before the massive block of strikethrough’d text where I screwed up the flag calculations. The only thing I did differently this time around was call Hanako cute when Kenji asked about her, which, well, we’re about to go down her route, we should probably do that on principle. That gave us enough flags to let us hang out with her here, something we missed out on last time. I still feel bad for making her run away yesterday, so I'd better say something.  HISAO: "Um, hey there, Hanako."   HANAKO: "H... Hisao?" Well, at least she remembers my name. HISAO: "Hey... I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. I didn't mean to startle you or anything. I'm just new here and thought I should get to know my classmates." As Hanako looks up at me, I notice her scarring once more. It's a little bewildering that you can barely notice it from across the room, but it's so noticeable from close up.  HANAKO: "T... that's okay. It... it was my fault." HISAO: "Nah, that wasn't anyone's 'fault', it just kind of happened. So, are you waiting for someone? I saw you looking at the door before..." HANAKO: "Y-yes... Lilly." HISAO: "Oh, you mean Lilly the blind girl?" Hanako only nods in response, and I can't help but wonder if defining people through their disabilities is a faux pas of the worst kind or just normal here. I guess that explains why Lilly took off after her yesterday. HISAO: "She seems like a nice girl. Are you two friends?" HANAKO: "Y-yes." (Silence) As if hoping for Lilly to appear, she checks over her shoulder again. I think I'm making her nervous again. HISAO: "I hope I'm not disturbing you right now..." HANAKO: "N-no, that's not it. It's just easier if Lilly doesn't come here..." HISAO: "Oh, because it's hard to get around the classroom?" HANAKO: "Not... really." Hanako's gaze drifts past my shoulder and towards Shizune. HISAO: "Shizune?" Hanako nods again. HISAO: "What about her? Don't they get along?" Hanako shakes her head. Clearly this is something she doesn't want to talk about. It does make a strange sort of sense, Shizune and Lilly not getting along so well. Communication between the two would be all but impossible. It's hard enough talking to Shizune through Misha, even when you can see whose hands are 'talking'. Hanako is so focused on Shizune that I am the first to notice Lilly at the door. HISAO: "Oh, she's here now." Hanako spins around to confirm this. Upon seeing Lilly, she moves quickly to the door. Katawa Shoujo OST - Concord (Lilly’s Theme)  HANAKO: "Lilly..."  LILLY: "Ah, Hanako. Good morning. Is the president here?" HANAKO: "Y-yes." Hanako glances over her shoulder at Shizune again, as if to confirm she can't hear them even though that's impossible. LILLY: "I suppose we'd best be off, then." Lilly's sigh and tone of what seems like frustration makes me raise an eyebrow. I guess there's some kind of enmity between the two. It's intriguing, but that's not really something I'd ask about. I'm sure if they wanted me to know, then they would tell me. It's only my third day here; I should be trying to make friends, not finding out why people are enemies. Still, it's a little funny to find out that this school has little feuds, just like my old high school. Even if people are more tolerant of others, they're still going to get on each other's nerves. HISAO: "Hey Lilly. How are things? I'm sorry I made you run off yesterday..." LILLY: "Oh my, is that Hisao? I didn't realize you were here..." It seems that Lilly is a little embarrassed about being so frank in front of me. HANAKO: "S-sorry Lilly. I thought you realized..." LILLY: "No, it's all right, Hanako. Hisao, please don't worry about yesterday. It was just a misunderstanding." HISAO: "If... you say so. I'm still working this place out." LILLY: "Well then, I think you'll find most people here a lot more forgiving than elsewhere. If you are feeling a little confused, please don't be afraid to ask questions." HISAO: "Sure, I'll remember that." HANAKO: "Um... Lilly..." Lilly gives a small nod of acknowledgment. LILLY: "I'm sorry Hisao, but we must be off." Hanako really doesn't look all that comfortable here right now, and Lilly still seems a little embarrassed. I wonder if my apologies really made any impact. HISAO: "Mind if I accompany you two?" I know I'm kinda pushing it, but... Lilly hmms quietly, still smiling. LILLY: "I'm sure that we could accommodate you, can't we, Hanako?" She looks down, then at the camera. She looks at Lilly, then at me, and then she freezes, wide-eyed. HANAKO: "S... sure." LILLY: "Well then, shall we go?" I'm sure Lilly wouldn't do this so easily if she saw how scared Hanako looks, but it can't be helped now. Declining after the deal is sealed would only cause confusion and problems. (Silence) So we leave, all three together.  Lilly walks beside the wall, letting her cane gently tap against it every now and then. Hanako comes along right beside her, so close that she is practically half-hugging her as they go. Although it must make her walking that much harder, Lilly takes it in stride. As we turn around the corner of the hallway, something hits me in the chest with the force of a steam train. Hanako shrieks a little and my vision briefly goes black. Katawa Shoujo OST - Standing Tall (Emi’s Theme)  We run into Emi for the first time for the second time. Go back to Update 8 and skip down a bit from where we left off; our first interaction with her here is identical, even though technically we’re in a separate scene (and the transcript with missing this whole section so I had to go to the transcript of the other scene and compare it with what I saw in-game to make sure that was the case  ). When you hit the first line where Shizune makes herself known, switch back here.  LILLY: "Hisao, what happened?" She's not quite up to speed for obvious reasons, but she sounds very worried. More than what the situation deserves, really. HISAO: "Someone just bumped into me, nothing serious. Just winded."  EMI: "Er, sorry, it's my fault. I was just going to get some stuff, and I was in a kind of a hurry." LILLY: "That 'someone' here is Emi, isn't it?" The little girl coughs quietly and shuffles her plastic or metallic feet, looking down at them before saying anything. EMI: "Hi, Lilly. Hanako." I guess the girls know each other. LILLY: "Do please try to be more careful. You might be sturdy enough to endure these sorts of accidents, but there are people who aren't." The girl blushes and starts to fidget nervously like a little child caught misbehaving. It's so cute I find myself smiling. EMI: "I know that! I— I, um, I was just... Aaah! I gotta go! Teacher'll have my head, I promised to help with printouts but I went running instead! Sorry, but I've gotta change and everything!" Her sprite blurs off to the left. (Sudden Silence) Before any of us can say a thing, Emi has already bolted away, leaving the hallway eerily quiet. HISAO: "Does that kind of thing happen often around here?"  LILLY: "There are more rules in Yamaku than usual for running in corridors. ...but that rarely stops Emi, it seems." She shakes her head weakly and offers a slight, composed smile. LILLY: "I don't think there's anything we can do to stop her, I'm afraid. Shall we be off, then?" Lilly heads off along the hallway, and Hanako hurries after her. The route to the room the two use for tea is fairly simple to retrace, being still fresh in my mind from yesterday. Katawa Shoujo OST - Raindrops and Puddles  Lilly and Hanako quickly go about the business of making lunch. Before I can even open my small bag of food, Lilly's busying herself with her thermos and teabags as Hanako is setting out both their lunchboxes. HISAO: "So, is this what you meant by coming here almost every day?" LILLY: "Yes, Hanako and I usually have lunch here. It suits both of us, so we ended up using this room regularly." After seeing Hanako's reactions to me over the past couple of days, I can understand why that is a boon. That, and Lilly being able to get some quiet away from her class as well. I take my seat last, after Lilly's poured the tea for us and sits down.  Wait, hold on a sec. So they’re at a table with four seats by a window. Hisao’s sitting next to the window, Hanako’s sitting next to him, and Lilly’s sitting across from her. Though he may have just moved past Hanako to sit down, Hisao’s position implies he got there first and moved in. Lilly sat diagonally across from him. Hanako had a choice: she could either sit next to Lilly, the only person she feels comfortable around, or Hisao, the boy she just met. So did she deliberately choose to sit next to him instead of Lilly? The more time I spend with these two girls, the more I think they're a perfect foil to Misha and Shizune. Even without a voice, Shizune is direct and brash, and Misha seems to get along with everyone. On the other hand, Lilly is soft-spoken and relaxed while Hanako seems to be the shyest girl I've ever met. LILLY: "So, how are you faring in Yamaku, Hisao? You seemed a bit flustered before." HISAO: "Apart from getting lost every now and again, and being crash-tackled outside my classroom? Fine I guess..." HANAKO: "You... you looked pretty hurt before. Are you really... okay?" For a brief moment, I consider telling Hanako and Lilly about my condition but then, I hold it back. I can't tell why, but for some reason I feel uncomfortable talking about it to these relative strangers, even if they have been pretty friendly. HISAO: "Yeah, it's nothing. I was just a bit startled." Judging from the two girls' expressions, I don't think that they're buying it. But, in what I assume is their way of respecting my privacy, they don't press the matter. I guess that is one of the unwritten rules around here: 'don't ask.' Even if people's conditions are obvious, like Hanako's, there's still bound to be a story involved. Everyone has things that they don't feel comfortable speaking about, and I think everyone here recognizes that. HISAO: "So, uh... how long have you been in this school? You both seem to know your way around pretty well." LILLY: "Hmm... well, I've been here since the start of high school, but only moved into the dormitories a year ago. Hanako joined at the start of high school as well, and moved to the dormitories when she did, if memory serves me right." HANAKO: "That's right. Since... high school." HISAO: "So you've known each other since then?" LILLY: "Since I moved, yes. Hanako lives next door to me, so it's only natural, right?" HANAKO: "R-right." HISAO: "Yeah, of course." Living next to someone is probably reason enough to befriend them, though I'm guessing that Lilly's blindness played a part in it as well. I can't imagine Hanako easily making friends with someone who has to deliberately avoid looking at her scars. With the immediate conversation dried up, we start to eat our lunch. It isn't long before the bells are signaling the end of the break. Like me, the girls pack up their lunches as efficiently as they set them out. LILLY: "I guess I'd better be off. Are you going to go with Hisao, Hanako?" Hanako looks up at me, and for a second I can see that she is considering skipping class, maybe just to avoid walking to the classroom with me. HANAKO: "Y-yes." I don't know what to think of it. Hanako really is delicate to the point of breaking if looked at in the wrong way. It makes me a bit nervous too, but I push the feeling aside, trying to be as natural as I can. HISAO: "We should hurry then. Class has already started by the sound of it." Lilly gives a nod of farewell as she bends down to take her cane, Hanako and I filing out before her. We walk quickly down the empty halls to our respective classes. As we reach the door to Lilly's 3-2 classroom, she turns towards me.  LILLY: "Hisao, thank you for sharing lunch with us today." HISAO: "My pleasure, Lilly." And with that, we part ways; Lilly entering her classroom and leaving Hanako and I to make off to our own. She's still looking like she wants to run away. HISAO: "So, do you really want to go back to class now?" HANAKO: "Y-yes." HISAO: "Okay then." I feel like I should say something more to her, but it's hard to come up with anything that would be appropriate and safe enough. And Lilly was right; the more time we spend out here, the more explaining we have to do. I open the rear door to the class, and walk in. The teacher looks up at me, and opens his mouth to say something. However, as Hanako follows me in and closes the door, he simply nods to us and continues his lecture. This is the third time that Hanako has had her truancy practically ignored. There's definitely something going on here. We make our way to our seats, and I notice that Misha and Shizune are both missing as well. I wonder if it is some form of informal agreement with the staff, or if it's a 'perk' afforded to the unique students of this school? Trying to make as little disturbance as I can, I extract the relevant textbooks from my bag and start catching up. The class goes on quietly. Back to the time skip. Everything remains the same as it was in the updates until the bottom of Update 12. Look to where Hanako’s asking Shizune if she’s seen Lilly. Katawa Shoujo OST - Stride Hanako keeps looking uneasily at Shizune, who stares back at her with her usual studying gaze. What is she trying to do? Of course Shizune isn't going to look away, and she is intimidating enough as it is, so I can only imagine how terrified Hanako would be. It is a little uncomfortable, watching Hanako's reaction to Shizune's normal behavior. This is what happens when two people of two different extremes meet, it seems. HANAKO: "Do... do you know where she is?"  SHIZUNE: "..."  MISHA: "If she has any sense in her head, she's in her classroom, working on their festival project. But who knows where that woman is loitering at." HISAO: "You need to find her? She was looking for you in the morning but I guess you have missed each other." She waits a little without answering the simple question, looking awfully like she's not sure if it's proper to answer such a question. HANAKO: "Y...yeah." HISAO: "I can come with you. If it's okay.” Hanako nods fractionally, still on guard, her shoulders stiff like wood. I get the feeling that she might be more comfortable by herself after all, but it's too late to back off now. She has this really troubled expression she seems to wear almost constantly, one that makes me constantly be on guard myself. I wonder why. I kind of understand why she always seems to be so wary... or maybe more like, why there could be a person like her. But I still have no idea how I should act around such a person. HISAO: "It's dinnertime soon. Were you planning to eat with Lilly?" She nods slightly. So she must have been trying to get in the cafeteria. Well, there's something of a dinner crowd, just like the cafeteria is crowded during lunch. It's not as bad because dinnertime is longer than lunch hour, but I can understand why Hanako could be discouraged from going in. I pick up my bag and we take our leave. Hanako skips a little to meet my initial pace, so I slow down to match her speed. It doesn't take long for us to be walking at a comfortable pace down the hallway. It almost feels like we're going for a stroll together; something that I can't say I've really done before with a girl. Hanako doesn't seem to be thinking the same thing though. Even though we are walking at the same pace, she never comes within arm's reach of me. I guess she's still a little uncomfortable around me. Given how shy she is, there doesn't seem to be much helping it, at least for now. Katawa Shoujo OST - Nocturne By the time we arrive at the cafeteria, there is not much of a crowd there, but Lilly is nowhere to be seen.  Hanako's head sinks even lower than usual. HISAO: "Have you looked somewhere else already?" HANAKO: "J-just at the library... I was reading..." So she does spend the classes she skips at the library. HISAO: "Ah, so not exactly a thorough search then. Well, if I had to guess, she'd be in her own class like Shizune said, right?" HANAKO: "R-right." With the slightest of nods, Hanako agrees with my reasoning. God, she's being so awkward. It's like I need double layered silk gloves with padding to even begin interacting with her. Some small talk might help her become a bit more used to me. It isn't hard to tell that the silence between us is hovering on the edge of both our minds. HISAO: "So you and Lilly usually hang out together after class, right?" HANAKO: "Y-yes." I'm not quite sure what I expected from her answer, nor why I even asked the question. That much was rather obvious, after all. She doesn't seem like the type to cultivate a social circle, either, so I suspect that Lilly may well be her only friend. HISAO: "Must be a pain being in different classes, I'm guessing." She gives a sharp, almost reflexive nod. Compared to Lilly's careful thought about her actions and speech, Hanako hastens to make her answers as prompt and short as possible.  HANAKO: "Lilly... comes by the classroom, though. Even when she's busy..." She gives a small smile as she says it, evidently appreciating the fact that Lilly goes out of her way to help her. It's pretty cute, really. There isn't any need to say more, both of us content that the discussion's reached an end. As we ascend the stairs back to the lobby we are met by a group of students heading downstairs like a school of fish moving from one feeding area to another.  They seem to be keeping mostly to themselves, but before I can notice her doing so, Hanako has moved around behind me. HISAO: "Hey, are you all right?" HANAKO: "J-just keep going..." The students pass us without as much as a second glance, and Hanako takes up position to my side again as we enter the building, her momentary reprieve from her anxiety all but snatched away. Even as we climb towards the third floor, she doesn't seem to relax. It isn't as if I've never known a shy person before, or even shy girls, but Hanako seems to be pretty far beyond what I'd call normal in her fear of other people. If it weren't for Lilly acting as a mediator, I doubt Hanako would have even been able to walk beside me like this. She seems to completely shut down in the presence of others. The rest of the walk up to Lilly's classroom continues in strained silence, while I rue her inability to socialize at all. After we make our way up the stairs, the noise coming from Lilly's classroom is audible from halfway down the hallway. I wasn't expecting such a din at all. HISAO: "Well, I guess we found her..." This wasn't hard. Did Hanako come here first then come to me for backup, I wonder? Well, if that's true, then at least she's starting to trust me a little. That can only be a good thing. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 17:15 on Sep 27, 2021 |
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Aug 2, 2021 19:06
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MadDogMike posted:But I kind of wonder now, listening to people talk about disability issues, if talking/being excited about "cures" is also kind of insulting too? I think this is one of those places where it stops being useful to consider "disability" as a unified category. I have a couple different disabilities/chronic health issues myself, and there are some where if you came into a space centered around that condition and started talking about a "cure" people would indeed find it offensive, and others where saying "yeah if they ever discover a permanent cure for this sign me tf up" is an uncontroversial opinion. (And both groups get accustomed to talking about this in their own spaces where everyone knows the context, and then they both go out into more generalized contexts and make sweeping statements about "disability" that offend the other group - but that's a bit of a tangent into my own social media pet peeves.) So basically, very few people are going to feel insulted by a researcher/doctor being excited about a potential cure to a metabolic disorder that kills most people who have it in infancy, as in the Gelsinger situation, but you'd want to tread a lot more carefully talking about cochlear implants, for example. Obviously, the group of people with a given condition aren't a monolith either, and sometimes there's no clear consensus. But looking at this condition by condition (and treatment by treatment - not everything falling roughly under the umbrella of "cure" is equal, either) is at least a little better than going "what do People With Disabilities think about Cures?"
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Aug 2, 2021 19:07
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Hanako has really small hands.
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Aug 2, 2021 20:41
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I found this Twitter story about the frustrations of life with a chronic illness. I know its not related to this topic r/n but this person sums up cerebral palsy despite not actually talking about cerebral palsy. https://twitter.com/atarbuck/status/1415712293166489606 Violet_Sky fucked around with this message at 02:11 on Aug 3, 2021 |
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Aug 3, 2021 02:08
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Falconier111 posted:Wait, hold on a sec. So they’re at a table with four seats by a window. Hisao’s sitting next to the window, Hanako’s sitting next to him, and Lilly’s sitting across from her. Though he may have just moved past Hanako to sit down, Hisao’s position implies he got there first and moved in. Lilly sat diagonally across from him. Hanako had a choice: she could either sit next to Lilly, the only person she feels comfortable around, or Hisao, the boy she just met. So did she deliberately choose to sit next to him instead of Lilly? If she did, I think the choice made sense. This is just fan speculation, but sitting in the chair she did allows her to look at Lilly, her friend, without having to turn her head, instead of looking at a relative stranger. Plus, it allows her to hide her scars behind her hair without worrying too much about Hisao seeing when she turns her head or whatever.
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Aug 3, 2021 05:36
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Hellioning posted:If she did, I think the choice made sense. This is just fan speculation, but sitting in the chair she did allows her to look at Lilly, her friend, without having to turn her head, instead of looking at a relative stranger. Plus, it allows her to hide her scars behind her hair without worrying too much about Hisao seeing when she turns her head or whatever. I have a different take on this situation I can't properly articulate until after the route is over but the short version is I think Hanako's reason for sitting next to Hisao is a lot more straightforward than this.
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Aug 3, 2021 06:04
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Falconier111 posted:Wait, hold on a sec. So they’re at a table with four seats by a window. Hisao’s sitting next to the window, Hanako’s sitting next to him, and Lilly’s sitting across from her. Though he may have just moved past Hanako to sit down, Hisao’s position implies he got there first and moved in. Lilly sat diagonally across from him. Hanako had a choice: she could either sit next to Lilly, the only person she feels comfortable around, or Hisao, the boy she just met. So did she deliberately choose to sit next to him instead of Lilly? Sitting across from someone requires you to make more eye contact with them - or to spend more time awkwardly avoiding making eye contact with them. It also means you're more in their line of sight, so they'll be looking at you more. All of these things are bad if you suffer from social anxiety disorder - and trust me, you do think about stuff like this if you suffer from it. (I mean really it was probably just a scene composition thing, but still; it makes sense to me, and I am basically gender-swapped Hanako, sans-scarring. )Hellioning posted:If she did, I think the choice made sense. This is just fan speculation, but sitting in the chair she did allows her to look at Lilly, her friend, without having to turn her head, instead of looking at a relative stranger. Plus, it allows her to hide her scars behind her hair without worrying too much about Hisao seeing when she turns her head or whatever. Yep, that too.
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Aug 3, 2021 06:53
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Hellioning posted:If she did, I think the choice made sense. This is just fan speculation, but sitting in the chair she did allows her to look at Lilly, her friend, without having to turn her head, instead of looking at a relative stranger. Plus, it allows her to hide her scars behind her hair without worrying too much about Hisao seeing when she turns her head or whatever. In a generous lens, and one I have from experience…it may be possible that Hanako feels that given the known space, and with at least one person she can absolutely trust, that this was an attempt to come out of her comfort zone, since she could actively control the environment. Which means she’s not only suffering from anxiety, but is aware of that fact and is doing her best to push past it, within her own space and environment. That being said, kudos to Hisao here. Some of his internal comments about stating disability and needed to use silk gloves are a bit weird, but we’re still early in the year…but I wanted to highlight the emotional effort in the face of compounding anxiety. As we saw with having that conversation in the lunch room, as simple as it was…it can resonate, and effect him as well-not by any fault of her own, but the nature of her fears and concerns simply draw others to think similarly…but he did continue to engage, and Hanako continued to engage back. Because he was willing to walk there within the eggshells, she opened up. I’m glad we’re doing it this way: last time it was a physical need, and emotional care through social means was done last, but we’re getting that ‘’muscle’ trained first. Psycho Lawnmower fucked around with this message at 17:20 on Aug 3, 2021 |
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Aug 3, 2021 14:59
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It also assures that Hanako doesn't have to worry about where Hisao's eyes are. Because if he looks away, he's trying to avoid her scars. If he looks at her, "is he staring at my scars"? Either way it's a no-win.
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Aug 4, 2021 14:28
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Update 37: Paint by Numbers Eventually, the two of us reach the door to class 3-2. With Hanako less than subtly positioning herself behind me, I open the door. Katawa Shoujo OST - Everyday Fantasy (Chattering Crowd Sound Effect)  Inside is a hive of activity, seemingly every student in the class talking at once as they work hurriedly on their separate tasks. Going by the paint cans, decorations and banners being made, it must be for the upcoming school festival. I guess my first priority should be finding Lilly... … There. Finding her among the din is surprisingly easy, not the least because of her looks. With a couple of students gathered around her as she stands at the front of the class, she seems to be in charge of the preparations, or at least busy organizing them. Carefully negotiating a path through the various students hunched over the floor for lack of desk space, I raise a hand entirely out of habit as we finally reach Lilly. HISAO: "Hi, Lilly."  She perks her head up as she breaks off talking to a noticeably smaller girl who must be her classmate, trying to listen as best she can. LILLY: "Sorry, who..." HISAO: "Ah, sorry. Hisao. I have Hanako too."  HANAKO: "H-Hi." She's pretty skittish. Considering the number of people around, it isn't too hard to work out why. Lilly takes a moment's pause to assess the situation before turning to the other student once again. LILLY: "For the moment, just ask Moriya for his advice. Kenji's busy with painting one of the banners already." Katawa Shoujo OST - Everyday Fantasy (muted) A quick nod and she bounces off, fingers carefully sliding along the wall's face for orientation. Wait... Kenji? That Kenji? I quickly turn about, leaning to the side to see past Hanako. Sure enough, in a corner of the room, Kenji's hunched over a sheet of cloth as he paints it. His eyes remain only inches from the brush, reminding me of how close he had to be to make out my face when I met him. Katawa Shoujo OST - Everyday Fantasy LILLY: "Sorry about that. Our class doesn't have many students with even partial eyesight, so they're in high demand." That's right, class 3-2 was specially for students with poor vision. Preparing for the festival must be pretty arduous for them. HISAO: "Need a hand? I could give you help if you need some. Maybe Hanako could too." A chance to set her mind on something would do her good, but I doubt she has the courage to ask outright. She quickly nods in affirmation afterwards, so I'm confident I made the right move. Lilly gives a noticeable sigh of relief. LILLY: "Ah, that's good. This might actually get finished before everyone goes off to dinner, now. Would you be able to help the person painting the main banner? It's a big task for him to do, but nobody else can help." HISAO: "Kenji? Sure." She seems surprised that I know him. I can't really blame her. LILLY: "I take it you've met?" HISAO: "Our rooms in the dorm are right next to each other. Hard to miss each other, really." LILLY: "Well, it's good to see you're getting friends so fast." Friend... I wonder if that's the right word to use for him. Hanako's silence during the proceedings reminds me of the reason I put her up to helping in the first place. HISAO: "We'll go help him then. He knows what needs doing, right?" LILLY: "That's right. Just ask if you have any problems." Chorusing in assent, Hanako and I begin another trek across the classroom. Kenji sits crouched on the floor, his gaze fixed on the white calico in front of him.  HISAO: "Hey Kenji." …No answer. He continues dragging his paint-soaked brush along the large half-painted kanji that's sketched on the sheet in pencil. HISAO: "Kenji?"  KENJI: "Huh? What? Who is it?" If this is the way he treats class members, it's no small wonder he's working on this alone. HISAO: "It's me. Hisao. From the—" KENJI: "Right, right, I know that, man. What're you doing here, though?" His dismissive attitude annoys me. He must be the type to really get focused on his work, hating to be disturbed by anyone until he's done, I suppose. While we talk, the sound of Hanako's footsteps as she walks out from behind me reminds me that she's here. HISAO: "I was just going to help with the banner. Hanako and I, that is." HANAKO: "H... Hello..." KENJI: "Oh. Er, hey. I guess that's okay." As soon as Hanako enters the equation, his demeanor takes a complete about-face. His sudden faux-hospitality is slightly unsettling. Oh, right. Women. On second thoughts, this may not have been a great idea after all. (Silence, Crowd Sounds Continue) Hanako and I grudgingly set ourselves down on the opposite side of the cloth banner to Kenji, noting the several small paint tins on the ground around it. Class 3-2... noodle stall? HISAO: "You guys selling noodles at the festival on Sunday?" KENJI: "Yeah, some stalls outside. Or something." “Or something?” His noncommittal nature sparks a fair amount of suspicion on my behalf. The task at hand comes first, though. HISAO: "So how do you want to split this? We do borders while you do the text? Or do you want to switch and do the borders?" KENJI: "Text is mine. You do borders." He has surprisingly strong feelings on the topic. As I reach over to grab a brush, I notice Hanako's already debating between colors to use. By the time I've put brush to cloth, she's already started on a delicate pattern. Looks like my idea of taking her mind off everyone around her worked. With a dark blue stroke, the three of us silently get to work. Not before Kenji takes advantage of Hanako's working to lean towards me and whisper conspiratorially, though. Katawa Shoujo OST - Out of the Loop KENJI: "Okay man, why're you here?" HISAO: "Hanako just wanted some help to find Lilly, that's all." He apparently disapproves of my motivations. KENJI: "I get it. It looks like I misjudged you. You're infiltrating them, aren't you? Going deep undercover?" I should have guessed. Letting the truth slip by him would probably be better than outright lying or annoying him, in any case. HISAO: "Is that why you're here?" KENJI: "Obviously. It sucks, but there's no better way to get intel than going in yourself. We gotta stick together, man. This is a harsh school, a harsh world." HISAO: "Yes, very harsh." He misses my true meaning as he leans back, satisfied I'm sympathetic to his cause. I'd better get down to work. (Silence, Crowd Sounds Stop)  HANAKO: "Finished." HISAO: "Looks like I am too. Good job." Katawa Shoujo OST - Raindrops and Puddles The two of us connect up the lines of our patterns, mine being as close a copy as I could manage of hers. With a grunt, I lever myself up from the floor and look around. Aside from Hanako and myself, there's only Kenji left finishing off a sign as well as Lilly and a couple of students talking among themselves in the classroom. Looking at my watch, it's no surprise. It's getting pretty late. HISAO: "Need a hand?" I offer a hand to Hanako, which she uses to get herself up. As she does, I can't help but glance at her wrist; if her scars extend even to there, just how much of her body was burned? I feel a pang of guilt about it however as she quickly covers her wrist with her other hand. HISAO: "Looks good, doesn't it?" She looks surprised for a moment before noticing that I mean the banner. HANAKO: "It does... I guess." Her smile shows that she feels a slight sense of pride in the result, just as I do. With the floor significantly neater for the decorations being placed on desks and shelves, it's much easier to get to Lilly as we cross the room. HISAO: "We've finished the banner. I guess that's all that needs to be done?" Lilly gives an appreciative nod. LILLY: "Thank you Hisao, Hanako. If there's any way I can thank you...?" HISAO: "It's fine. Beats sitting in my room studying, at any rate." HANAKO: "I don't mind either." She nods, before suddenly remembering one last person. LILLY: "Oh, is Kenji still here?" Just as I open my mouth, Kenji gives the answer from the other side of the room. KENJI: "Yeah, just finished." He carefully slides his sign onto an empty section of shelf to dry, before quickly walking past us and out the door. KENJI: "Seeya man." HISAO: "Bye." The remaining two students say their goodbyes to Lilly before taking their cue to leave as well, leaving only the three of us. HISAO: "Well, I guess that's everyone." LILLY: "I hope we don't have to do anything like that again." HISAO: "Working past schooltime?"  LILLY: "Indeed. The class's plans this year were ambitious. Maybe too ambitious." HANAKO: "The stalls look nice, though." HISAO: "She's right, it shows that a lot of work's gone into them." LILLY: "My my, I'm sure a lot of us would be glad to hear that. At least now there's not much work to do until the festival itself." HANAKO: "Umm... It's getting pretty late. Should we go?" LILLY: "That's probably a good idea. Are you going back to the dorms as well, Hisao?" HISAO: "Yeah, I guess I'll tag along."  The nighttime lighting really makes the gardens look quite different. Compared to the usual look of lush greenery, things are much more calm. Being that it's so late, the lack of students around probably helps. The odd one or two can be seen scurrying to and from the dorms trying to eke the most out of their approaching curfews, but no more. All that can be heard is our footsteps, in addition to Lilly's cane regularly gently tapping the ground in front of her. It's nice to finally be able to relax a bit after the mad rush during school. Without even noticing it, I let out a small yawn. LILLY: "Tired?" HISAO: "Yeah. Still getting used to the flow of things, I guess. The... uh... thing... with Shizune took me kind of off guard, though." I grit my teeth a little at the candid mention of their rather public spat. That said, I do want to sort out what in the world was behind it.  LILLY: "Ah... about that... I'm sorry about it being so public. Shizune and I... go back some ways.” Her voice seems slightly irritated as she remembers Shizune, obviously unwilling to discuss it any further. I glance to Hanako for her views on this, but her expression is, unsurprisingly, evasive and difficult to read. Either way I guess her apologizing for it is something, even if my curiosity goes unanswered. LILLY: "I'll be glad once the festival is over, in any case." The change of topic's welcome, clearing the thickening air quickly. HISAO: "I can imagine. My old school's festivals were a lot more low-key than this." LILLY: "Yamaku stresses the idea of a school community, so the staff likes to make our festivals and such special occasions." HISAO: "And yet the students are the ones who do the work. What an unfair world."  Hanako and Lilly both chuckle in agreement, savoring the fact that none of the staff are around to hear our grumbling. LILLY: "I suppose coming from a strict all-girls school helped me a bit with Yamaku. Compared to there, Yamaku is much more relaxed." That'd go a way towards explaining her well-bred speech and behavior, in any case. As we come up to the dormitories, it eventually comes time to leave for our respective rooms. HISAO: "See you Lilly, Hanako." The two both give polite nods before setting off to the women's dorms, just next to the guys'. (Silence) As is to be expected of such an arrangement, there's a staff member casually patrolling around outside to prevent any nighttime shenanigans. Walking past him, I quickly stretch my arms and rub my neck, both quite sore after having worked on the floor for so long, before walking to my room. It feels good to actually have direction, though. After so long in the hospital, the everyday facts of studying, homework and teachers seem almost a blessing. I guess if things continue like this, my time at Yamaku might turn out okay. Now we move to early Update 13. Taking this path cost us that scene with Rin, so we pick up at our first run with Emi. Skip to the choice. Katawa Shoujo OST - Standing Tall (Emi’s Theme) (Running Sound Effect)  Will I be able to do more? >Go for it. >Take it easy. Last time we made this choice, we took the option that extended our lifespan. But we’ve already been around once on Emi’s wild ride. =>Take it easy. Only by acting directly against our best interest now do we get a chance at Lilly, Hanako, and Rin’s routes. We already lost out on Shizune earlier, and now Emi’s off-limits to us, too. It’s the price we pay. I let Emi go with her own pace, and she doesn't show mercy, pulling half a lap ahead of me in an instant. I don't blame her. I mean, it's not as if I'm really putting up any sort of real fight out here, is it? Instead, I'm just running at a steady pace, which is what I should be doing, right? There's no need to go pushing my limits at this stage of the game. God, is this even worth it? (Silence) As we finish the second lap, I break off again. Emi keeps going, and it almost seems to me that she's disappointed. Well, that's stupid. I don't have anything to prove to her - come to think of it, I've got nothing to prove to myself, either. I'm just fine the way I am. And what I'm not is a runner. This was probably a bad idea. Maybe there's something else I can do instead of this. Getting up this early sucks, anyway. There's got to be some other way to keep healthy. Walking, maybe. Nice afternoon walks. Yeah, that sounds good. Running isn't for me. I wave to Emi and head back to my room. I'll think of something else later. Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time  I wake up and take a hot shower.  Back in my room, the first thing I see is the familiar row of medication bottles lined up on top of my dresser, and it makes me depressed, as usual. It's annoying. I thought I was okay. I thought I had made my peace with this thing, gotten over it. But what I really did... I allowed myself to forget that I have a problem. Being here really reminds me of the reality, and trying to fight against it just hurts. Reflecting on it is only going to do so much. I've done this before, for months. It seems like it's time to get over it. If I allow myself to forget that my life is definitely not going to be as long as those of others, I won't get anywhere. My life may be different from others. But it is a life in progress. That is how I'll rationalize it. I down the usual handful of pills, trying to push the sudden dreary feeling out of my head. Then I prepare to head out to class early, as usual. As I step into the hallway, I notice Kenji coming around the hallway corner, stealthily making his way over to his own room with a large bag. As he sneaks past me soundlessly like a ninja hiding in plain sight, I call out to him. Katawa Shoujo OST - Out of the Loop HISAO: "Hey." He jumps at the sound of my voice. KENJI: "Oh, hey, man. I didn't notice you there. I'm really tired." I think it's more like he didn't see me, but that's not the issue. HISAO: "Where have you been this early? Shopping?" KENJI: "Nah, I wasn't shopping. Sometimes I have to visit... the math teacher. Yeah, I figured it would be a good idea to find out when the next exam is, since he tells you in advance if you want." HISAO: "So then, what's in the bag?" KENJI: "I thought I'd go shopping while I was outside. I need supplies to continue the fight against the vast feminist conspiracy." HISAO: "Uh, okay. I thought you didn't go outside." KENJI: "I wear a hat now." I decide to not point out that he is not wearing a hat. An awkward silence settles between us and then Kenji breaks it by pushing his door open slowly, releasing a creaking sound into the air that only makes the moment seem more awkward. He sets the bag down inside his room and then closes the door." HISAO: "I'm surprised you went out of your way to find out a test date. Trying to take advantage of an opportunity to study is pretty diligent." KENJI: "I never study." HISAO: "Oh..." KENJI: "I just wanted to know when the next test day was. I'm still going to take it, duh. I need to know so I know what day I can't afford to skip class. He usually sends out updates on that crap by phone, so I had to step out and check up on it." HISAO: "And why do you have to go out, when you can get it on your phone?" KENJI: "I don't carry a phone." HISAO: "What do you mean you don't carry a phone? You mean you just leave it at home?" KENJI: "Nah, I don't use phones. I don't have a phone. Phones. I have no phone." HISAO: "Why don't you have a phone? How can you not have a phone? No phone at all? No phone?" KENJI: "I just don't like phones. Actually, I'm kind of scared of them. I don't know why. I think it's some kind of repressed trauma. But, basically, when I hear a phone, I get nervous. It's my darkest secret. I have two theories on it: either I have some fear of receiving some undefined, ominous, life-altering doom call, or I was beaten with a phone in the past. Beaten so badly I can't remember it." HISAO: "Beaten in the head." KENJI: "Well, where else could I get beaten with a phone that would make me unable to remember it? The rear end?" Unexpectedly logical. I feel very depressed now. Sensing this conversation is more or less over, Kenji opens his door again and prepares to head inside. KENJI: "Yeah, I'm going to sleep, dude. Have a good one." HISAO: "Class is going to start in like twenty minutes." KENJI: "I already did something today. Too tired to go to school. Hey, you need some lip balm? I accidentally bought two because I thought the store had started selling individual double A batteries." HISAO: "Thanks but no thanks." KENJI: "Whatever, man." (Silence) He swiftly enters his lair, finally letting me go to the class. Skip forward to partway through Update 14, right where we run into Emi. Her actions this time are a little different: Katawa Shoujo OST - Standing Tall (Emi’s Theme)  EMI: "Hisao! I'm going to make you a one-time-only, super extra special lunch offer! Emi's home made lunch boxes, and the privilege of enjoying them in private with two bombshell beauties!" Her overly flirtatious sales pitch echoes in the hallway, a remarkable feat since it's full of people. Emi strikes a very confident-looking pose as though as an attempt to one-up her own ridiculousness, puffing her very modest chest and making the V for victory sign with her hand. HISAO: "Sounds delicious. To what do I owe this honor of being invited?" EMI: "You stood there looking really lost and sad so I thought you could use some company." That is probably the most depressing reason imaginable. EMI: "So how about it? You're probably really lonely and would eat that awful cafeteria food all alone, otherwise." HISAO: "Eeeh..." EMI: "I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" HISAO: "Sure, I'll have your lunch offer. With pleasure." EMI: "Let's go to the roof!" HISAO: "The roof? Why the roof?" EMI: "Because that's where we eat lunch! And if I don't get up there, then she'll probably wander off and then I just know she'll go hungry because she never packs a lunch for herself!" HISAO: "Who will?" EMI: "Come with me!" Without answering my question or waiting for a response, she grabs me by the arm and drags me through the hallways. I attempt to make conversation on the way. HISAO: "Why do you have an extra lunch?" Emi smiles guiltily. EMI: "Actually, it's yesterday's lunch. I slipped in a run at lunch and forgot to eat it." Huh. Her expression is so funny that I almost laugh out loud. Emi giggles, to herself or to something or other, or maybe for no reason at all. I like the sound of it. Emi's sunny, energetic disposition alleviates the constricting feeling in the back of my head from the fight with Shizune and Misha. I let that issue slide out of my mind, and smile for the first time today. The rest of the scene goes as it did originally. It doesn’t send us down her route this time, though. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 00:34 on Sep 4, 2021 |
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Aug 4, 2021 18:53
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Hanako's route is good.
HerpicleOmnicron5 fucked around with this message at 23:46 on Aug 4, 2021 |
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Aug 4, 2021 19:12
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Related to disability chat: Uzworm just uploaded a video about disability (and politics) called Stop Sugarcoating Disability.
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Aug 4, 2021 23:40
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You say we're now operating in our best interest, but as I recall, saying to "Go for It." nearly brought Hisao down. Taking it easy might be way better, as long as he maintains it.
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Aug 5, 2021 00:19
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I do like that he at least decides to go for walks instead. It gives a nod to him doing something for his condition at least, even if he's not getting as fit. It's also presumably not as much of a focus in the other routes, though I'm fully prepared for it to pop up in various ways with different people.
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Aug 5, 2021 02:39
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Psycho Lawnmower posted:You say we're now operating in our best interest, but as I recall, saying to "Go for It." nearly brought Hisao down. Taking it easy might be way better, as long as he maintains it. Yeah, my thinking when I first came to this choice was literally "let's try to not give Hisao another heart attack". It seemed like the obvious smartest choice to me! I naturally fell into the Hanako route my first time through, and I guess that choice contributed to it.
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Aug 5, 2021 08:23
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Surely there's some middle ground to be found, between nearly giving yourself a heart attack and straight up giving up.
Dance Officer fucked around with this message at 10:01 on Aug 5, 2021 |
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Aug 5, 2021 09:57
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Dance Officer posted:Surely there's some middle ground to be found, between nearly giving yourself a heart attack and straight up giving up. Sure, nearly give yourself a heart attack and then give up.
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Aug 5, 2021 19:06
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I just stumbled across  something that needs a vote! So, thread: do you like offices, or do you like chess? Vote ends in 48 hours.
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Aug 5, 2021 23:13
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Offices! They’re fun, right?
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Aug 5, 2021 23:18
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Offices
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Aug 5, 2021 23:18
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Offices
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Aug 5, 2021 23:40
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Chess of course. so many great posts in here, thanks everybody.
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Aug 5, 2021 23:48
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I feel like the people voting "offices" know something I don't... but I'll vote chess nonetheless.
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Aug 6, 2021 03:22
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I'm not a big fan of either offices or chess, and I don't know or remember what this is referring to, so, uh... Chess, I guess? Edit: Oh, I think I remember now. ... Not changing my vote. Antistar01 fucked around with this message at 09:12 on Aug 6, 2021 |
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Aug 6, 2021 03:56
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I don't know who in their right mind likes offices, so I'll vote chess
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Aug 6, 2021 09:02
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Chess is the cool new thing that all the kids are doing these days.
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Aug 6, 2021 09:34
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Ooh, tough question. One is fully of work that appeals to my lizard, lessen-anxiety brain due to the rhythm of simple work. The other is a fun game that is really hard to master.. I’m going to say Offices because less anxiety is good.
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Aug 6, 2021 13:18
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I havent been to an office for years now.
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Aug 6, 2021 14:21
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I hate both but I guess chess is the better of the two.
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Aug 6, 2021 14:47
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Chess, of course.
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Aug 6, 2021 17:42
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Update 38: Mind Your StepI was hoping someone would make one last post so I could snipe this to the next page but  looks like that isn't happening.Anyway, jump back to Update 14, then head towards the bottom. Stop right before Hisao decides to head home for the day. Katawa Shoujo OST - Afternoon  I guess I need to buy some supplies. I can't live off cafeteria food and eating out for my entire stay here. As I leave for the gate, I make a few loud stretches to try and stave off the tiredness that's accumulated over the week.  After passing through and rounding the corner, though, I see a solitary figure walking downhill towards the small town below. The color of her hair and tapping of her cane are unmistakable. I quickly walk up to her, which seems to catch her attention without a word needing to be said. HISAO: "Hi, Lilly." She takes a moment to place the voice, slightly adjusting her head to face a bit more towards the source of my voice as she does. LILLY: "...Hisao?" HISAO: "Yep, that's me." She seems to have a good memory for voices. The fact that she actually remembered is a pleasant surprise. LILLY: "Good evening. What brings you here?" Once again, she gives a small polite bow. And, once again, I reply in kind before realizing that I needn't do so. HISAO: "Just going into town. You?" LILLY: "My my, what a coincidence." HISAO: "Doing the same thing, eh?" LILLY: "Mm. I usually go shopping on Fridays." She pauses for a moment, suddenly looking a little lost. LILLY: "That said, Hanako usually comes into town with me..." Ah. Not lost, but worried. The two do seem to keep pretty close tabs on one another. It's kind of surprising that Hanako would just forget Lilly like that. HISAO: "I noticed her reading in the library. She probably just got caught up in a book." She lets out a small sigh of relief.  LILLY: "Thank you. She has a habit of doing that." HISAO: "Avid reader?" LILLY: "Right. She doesn't like being around crowds of people, so reading away from everyone lets her relax a bit." Although she probably didn't intend it, I can't help but grimace as I recall my first meeting with her. Hardly wanting to bring it up, I remain silent as we quietly continue to walk down the quiet road. Tack, tack. Tack, tack. With the road bereft of cars and the students of Yamaku increasingly far behind us, the quiet rustling of the leaves and the measured tapping of Lilly's cane against the sidewalk are all that can be heard. It's kind of nice, especially compared to the hustle and bustle of where I used to live. Before I know it, I've relaxed so much that a loud yawn escapes before I can control it. LILLY: "Tired?" HISAO: "Yeah, been running ragged these past few days." That's an understatement, to be sure. Transferring into a different school would be bad enough, but nothing like this... LILLY: "Well, hopefully everything should settle down for you. The festival's got everyone in a spin right now, and you've been plopped right in the middle of things." For a moment I hesitate, but given her apparent tolerance for frankness I decide to give my full thoughts. HISAO: "I guess. Yamaku's kind of different though. I mean, the formality surrounding everything, the isolation around it... not to mention the most obvious difference. It's kind of a whole different mindset. I suppose I'll get used to it though, in time."  She gives a matter-of-fact nod, apparently pleased with my answer. It feels almost as if she's included me in the flock of students she's shepherding, along with class 3-2 and Hanako. Well, not that I mind. It's nice to get the thoughts off my chest in any case. LILLY: "Looking on the bright side, one could see it as a chance for a new beginning. You should cherish the ability to make new friends." That's optimistic. Nonetheless, it's good to have a positive attitude about such things, I suppose. HISAO: "I guess that's a good take on it." (Silence)  Walking on down the road, she seems to become somewhat unsettled. Before I can ask what's on her mind, she seems to collect herself and speaks up about something else. LILLY: "So, where in town were you going?" That's actually a pretty good question. I'd come in to buy food, but the layout of the place is still totally foreign to me. I had intended to just wander around and see what I could find, but with sunset already approaching and nightfall not too far away, that doesn't seem very wise. I'm going to have to ask her for directions. Again. HISAO: "I was just going to get some food... but now that you mention it, I don't really know the way." LILLY: "Well now, this is quite lucky. I was just about to go to the convenience store myself." HISAO: "Looks like I'll be in your care again, then. Thanks." Together we walk to the store, my paces carefully slowed to remain beside her. Compared to my usual walking pace, hers is quite a bit slower. Not that it's without reason. Katawa Shoujo OST - Daylight After what couldn't be more than several minutes, I catch sight of our objective. This town really is pretty small. Without further ado, we make our way inside with a greeting from the counter.  LILLY: "Mind if I tag along with you? Usually Hanako would help me, but seeing as she's not here..." It takes a moment before I realize what she means. Considering she wouldn't be able to read any of the labels, shopping without any help would be a big pain for her. That said, I can't shake the feeling that she'd had this idea since I said I was coming here. HISAO: "Sure. It'd be my pleasure." I grab two well-used red baskets from the small stack beside the entrance, handing one to Lilly. She lays it on the ground, putting her schoolbag in, retracting her cane and sliding it through the basket's handles before picking it back up in her right hand. Wait, if she doesn't use her cane... Before I can complete the thought, she comes beside me and pinches the cuff of my uniform in her slender fingers.  LILLY: "Is this all right?" HISAO: "Ah, sure." I have no reason not to accept. I can think of worse things than shopping with a pretty girl holding onto me, even if it is out of necessity. We navigate our way through the store, with not one of the occasional passing customers seeming to bat an eyelid. Considering how close Yamaku is, I guess seeing students from there must be entirely normal for the local residents. As we reach each aisle, I quickly check with Lilly and find out what she needs. I grab it along with what I'm looking for, and put our items into their respective baskets. I guess this is the same routine she and Hanako follow every Friday. HISAO: "Right, all that's left is the bread and that should be my shopping done. Do you need anything else, Lilly?" LILLY: "No, this should be everything." HISAO: "Off we go, then." With a quick side trip to the bakery section, we make our way to the registers. The line, thankfully, is almost nonexistent. It's not long before we've both paid for our food and are out the door.  It doesn’t show up well in a screenshot, but stars gently scroll by. As Lilly retrieves her cane and extends it to full length, I waste a minute looking upwards at the night sky while holding both our bags. For a moment I try to make clouds with my breath, but the summer's heat doesn't seem to cooperate. Eventually she rights herself, taking a quick stretch before taking her bag and leaving me to my two.  HISAO: "You tired as well?" LILLY: "The festival preparations have been complete chaos. Shizune breathing down my neck doesn't exactly help things, either." HISAO: "Hey, she's only trying to get everything organized. Better now than later, right?" LILLY: "I suppose. I'm going to enjoy relaxing in town tomorrow, that's for certain." I guess the festival preparations must be taking their toll on both of them. We walk out into the quiet street, talking between ourselves as we carry our bags of food and supplies from the store. …Wait, what's that? I notice a very distinctive figure making its way towards us, silhouetted by the streetlamps. For a second I think it's another male student from my class, but as he, or should I say she, gets closer I recognize her quickly. (Silence)  HISAO: "Rin? What're you doing out here so late?" LILLY: "Rin?" Lilly perks her head, looking like she's trying to focus on listening more keenly. It suddenly comes to me that I should probably interpret the scene for her. HISAO: "It's Rin... Tezuka, I think was her last name, from our school." She stiffens at the name and gives a complicated-looking expression, something like a forced fusion of a composed smile and a painful cringe. LILLY: "Ah. I understand." I guess Lilly knows Rin too. Rin turns to look at us, looking terribly out of it. I'm not entirely sure if she recognizes either of us or at least she doesn't acknowledge it if she does. She looks like a zombie. Or a statue. A statue of a zombie. But slowly, some symptoms of understanding seem to light in her dark eyes: this is something she must react to. Rin blinks once. Very thoroughly.   RIN: "Hello." ... There is an awkward pause, everyone waiting for someone else to say something. HISAO: "What are you doing here this late?" … RIN: "I... I was wondering about that myself too. Just now.” Katawa Shoujo OST - Parity (Rin’s Theme)  RIN: "Some people asked that just before. I assume they were wondering the same. I didn't know. They didn't know either. I asked. That's why I'm wondering. So that was pretty much it. It's a murder mystery without a murder." ... RIN: "They were going that way." She turns facing to her right in order to demonstrate the direction the other people went to as if that was important, then rotates back like a mechanical puppet in one of those overly complicated clockworks. For a person who gives an impression of being the quiet type, Rin really does use a lot of words to say things that don't need a lot to be said. Unsure if she's finished, I say nothing. Neither does Lilly, who seems equally robbed of words for the time being. I think that both of us are in fact just scared that any response might provoke her to continue. Our stupefied lack of reaction doesn't faze Rin at all. She keeps looking at us expectantly, a calm hint of expression on her blank face. She seems to be that kind of person. Always so relaxed. As if bull elephant-grade sedatives were flowing in her veins in the place of blood. LILLY: "Do you have amnesia? I don't recall you having anything of the sort, though..." HISAO: "No, I don't think it's that. The other passersby were probably just worried, though. You do look really lost, the way you're standing in the middle of the street." RIN: "Oh, I see. Maybe I should've taken some other kind of pose in that case." I ponder for a while whether I should chase this angle further, or give up for the sake of my own sanity. I decide on the latter. It seems that most of the time, it's better to not read too deeply into what Rin is babbling about. Talking with Rin is like playing chess with a supercomputer who does seemingly completely random moves as if to mock everything you know about chess. It's like that, except with human interaction. And even if I win, it feels like losing. drat, it's just like Kenji said. Even when I win, I lose. Is this the power of the girls of Yamaku? ...I push the thought aside as too dangerous to consider further. It's probably just Kenji's anti-female propaganda getting to me during a moment of weakness. HISAO: "Yeah, maybe taking another pose might have worked. So anyway, you have no idea what you're doing here?" She frowns, looking extremely displeased at either my question, its consequences, or the answer she's about to give. RIN: "I do have. Some idea. I can't really tell what kind of an idea." LILLY: "That sounds like progress, at least." Lilly sounds as if she's spotted an opening for some kind of discernibly normal conversation. I can't say I share her optimism. RIN: "Yes, there is some. Definitely. The rest will come later. I'm sure of it. I always have... reasons." The ensuing silence kills Lilly's hopes all too visibly. That didn't last long. Rin's, as far as I can tell unbased, assurances aside... what should be done? We could just leave her to her own devices, whatever those are... but it's late and I don't think we'll be getting any thanks if Rin is found standing here in the middle of the night. Which she probably will, unless she manages to remember what she was doing here in the first place. As for me trying to guess what might've been going on in her mind when she decided to embark on this adventure, the chances seem to be on par with winning the lottery. Several times in a row. Lilly is oddly quiet too. I'd appreciate some support from the sidelines here, especially if she's more familiar with Rin than I am. But it can't be helped. It seems her familiarity with Rin is exactly why she's staying subdued. HISAO: "So, I assume you were going somewhere, not coming back to the school... any idea where?" Her eyes widen in shock and she jolts back in a somewhat artificial way, making it seem like an act rehearsed for situations like this.  RIN: "Are you a mind reader? Is that your disability? How unique!" HISAO: "No... What? Why would you think that?" RIN: "You knew what I was doing." HISAO: "Eh, it was just an educated guess. We walked this same street in the other direction just before, to get to the store. If you were going to school, we would've met you on the way." RIN: "Oh." She looks a little disappointed. Like Kenji, Rin appears quick to jump to completely irrational conclusions. Maybe it's something in the water here. I make a mental note to stock up on soft drinks. HISAO: "You know, that is the second time this week that someone asked if I was a mind reader. Do I really give off that impression?" Rin shrugs her shoulders, which is all the answer I get. HISAO: "You know—" LILLY: "Maybe you should come with us back to the school?" Lilly interjects just as I am about to further debunk my alleged mind-reading capabilities. She sounds rather concerned, the paper-thin smile on her face badly disguising that fact. Maybe she came to the same conclusion as I did. For everyone's sake, I decide to let the mind-reading topic drop, as it's entirely inane anyway. HISAO: "Yeah, Lilly's right. If you can't remember, there's no point staying here." Rin considers this rather simple deduction for a moment, then nods. RIN: "Okay." Katawa Shoujo OST - Raindrops and Puddles  We start towards the school again, having wasted way more time than necessary with this episode. Rin walks along the edge of the sidewalk in her arrhythmic way, looking like a mix of sleepwalker and rope dancer, while Lilly keeps one hand on my shoulder, tapping at the ground with her cane. Tap step step tap tap step step step. Apart from that and a few fragmented beginnings of conversation, it's quiet. A quiet quite apart from the relaxing one into town, at that. HISAO: "So how's the mural going?" RIN: "We are going to get bad luck. Never talk about works in progress." LILLY: "I'm sure it'll be wonderful." RIN: "Bad luck." Tap step tap step. She doesn't care to talk about it. Lilly's politeness feels out of place, for the first time. Step step step. The hill Yamaku rests on top of is surprisingly steep, going uphill. We slow the pace, but I still feel my pulse rising and breathing getting heavier. Almost there, I can see the gates already. More than that, though, I notice that Lilly's hand slightly tightens on my shoulder. Interpreting it as a gesture that she wants to ask something, I speak up. HISAO: "Anything wrong, Lilly?" I resist the urge to say “Aside from our traveling companion?” But only just. For a moment she seems to debate whether she should even bring it up, but goes for it anyway.  LILLY: "Is everything... all right?" HISAO: "All right? How do you mean?" The fact I can't interpret her incredibly vague question puts her off, for a second. LILLY: "It's just... you seem unusually tired, I guess." Now that she brings it up, I notice that my breathing is strangely heavy. The uphill walk has really done a job on me.  Lilly noticed it all too quickly... >"Sorry, I'm not in very good condition." >"I don't really want to talk about it." Opening up to Lilly (and, incidentally, Rin) here gives you a chance at Lily and Hanako’s routes if you spent time with Hanako and sided with Lily earlier, or Rin’s route if you didn’t do both of those things. Refusing to open up kills us stone dead, our last opportunity to get the Bad Ending on this playthrough. If we’d gone with Rin, we’d have had one last chance to screw ourselves over, but as it is we only have one choice left in Act 1 and neither option there takes us manly picnic-ward. =>"Sorry, I'm not in very good condition." HISAO: "It's all right, I just need to catch my breath. My condition isn't the best, these days." LILLY: "Oh. Is it something that... is related to you being transferred here? I mean..." She cuts herself off rather abruptly, maybe realizing she was being a bit intrusive. Her instincts are sharp though, and while I don't like the subject it's not like I should lie about it. If it's Lilly, I don't think I mind. HISAO: "I'm just a little weak for the time being." LILLY: "Hanako said you look fairly... healthy, so I naturally thought..." Lilly doesn't finish her sentence again, letting it trail off with a measure of concern. As she furrows her brow, Lilly's uncomfortable expression spurs me to say at least something to ease her feelings. It's surprising she's this flustered, considering her straightforward attitude with her own blindness. She must know that not all share her own comfort about such things. HISAO: "No, it's okay. I have a pretty... I guess the best way to put it would be messed-up... heart. Arrhythmia. I had a bad heart attack a while ago because of it, and spent most of the spring in a hospital. Ended in Yamaku on doctor's orders." She silently nods her head in acknowledgment. My answer, though, only seems to make Lilly furrow her brow even further. She doesn't seem to quite know how to react, given we don't really know each other that well. I can't really fault her for it, given I have the exact same reaction. To my surprise, in a moment's time her face shows that she comes to some sort of realization.  LILLY: "Wait... so the time when Emi and you collided in the hallway...?" I grimace slightly. Her ability to connect the dots quite so fast is unexpected. HISAO: "Yeah. I guess I'm a textbook example of why those rules about running in the corridors exist." (Silence) That was a lot more dry than I'd intended. Lilly visibly shies away from continuing the topic. Arriving at the dorms, Rin stops in front of her mural as if lightning struck her. She had been so quiet for almost all of the walk back that I had all but forgotten she was here.  RIN: "It's Friday, isn't it?" LILLY: "Yes... Friday, the eighth of June." Katawa Shoujo OST - Parity (Rin’s Theme) RIN: "This is bad." LILLY: "Bad? Why?" RIN: "I think I am going to go in a fetal position and throw up. Possibly in reverse order." LILLY: "Is something wrong?" RIN: "No. Nothing is wrong. It's Friday and nothing is wrong yet. This mural, it's going to need to be finished by Sunday. So everything's all right. Do you have any drugs? Or a time machine? This is not good. Not good." So she's behind her schedule. Recalling Shizune's exasperation at Rin's carefree attitude several days ago, I don't know what to think. She has left herself open for a “told you so” unless she can pull off whatever she needs to pull off by Sunday morning. Rin keeps staring at her mural looking as mortified as she can.  RIN: "Leave me. I'm going to need to work for a while." I glance at Lilly, expecting her to share an incredulous look with me as I roll my eyes, but then I realize she's not one to do that kind of thing. RIN: "Leave me." (Silence) We do, of course, not wanting to aggravate her any more than she already is. There is a churning bad feeling in my gut. Rin sure has a knack of making people feel worried about her. She seems like a person who should never be left alone. HISAO: "Maybe we should call someone? She sounded like she was going into shock or something." LILLY: "I'm sure she will be just fine. She's just a... eeeh... how to say..." Lilly cocks her head a little, trying to find a polite way of calling Rin crazy without calling her crazy. HISAO: "Unique?" LILLY: "Yes, a very unique person." HISAO: "I guess you could say that."  She giggles at the notion melodiously, nodding in agreement. LILLY: "Sorry about leaving you stranded as you talked to her. I... don't really understand her, so I keep my distance." So my guess was right. Lilly offers a slight, apologetic smile as if she was sorry that her own shortcomings have prevented her from becoming closer to Rin. I'm not one to blame her. At all. Lilly lets slip a long breath, probably a disguised yawn. I imagine she's as exhausted by all this as I am. LILLY: "I'd better leave now and give these to Hanako. Thank you for the company, Hisao."  She smiles very sweetly at me. It feels different than normal, despite the fact that she seems to be smiling so often. I can't put my finger on what the difference is. It's just different. Relaxed, I'd say, but that's probably just relief over getting rid of Rin. Maybe. HISAO: "Yeah... good night. Say hi to Hanako for me." LILLY: "I will. Good night. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 16:10 on Sep 4, 2021 |
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Aug 6, 2021 21:23
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| # ? Jun 11, 2024 00:24 |
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this scene made me sad were going down Hanako's route instead of Lilly's. My first route was Lilly years ago and I had forgotten how chill she is.
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Aug 7, 2021 00:14
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