Aphrodite posted:

Films? Being worse than Guardians 2 is pretty drat bad.

Aphrodite posted:

Does Sue have a power besides making forcefields and bending light I'm not up to date on?

FilthyImp posted:

The Invisifuckin Woman?

Now I don't know how many of you Marvelwatchers read comics, but I wiki a big pile of comics. One thing that blows my mind is how completely insane the powers in the Marvel comic universe are. Look at PROTEUS. That guy can invent powers the way 4chan invents racisms. He has powers from every corner of his psyche and then some. He forgets powers sometimes. He can shoot fuckrays put of his mouth, dickrays out his rear end, and rear end rays out his feet. He's that sort of crazy, all because he *is* crazy and his daddy had universe brains.

Look at Captain America. His power? 1776 lbs of pure America. Sure, he should be some buff Olympic-level bro with good Hops and muscles till next Swolesday, but instead he's a geomertry-bending, tactics shredding, living legend. You have a power? He'll make you feel inadequate until you poo poo yourself or have a heart attack. He'll lecture you while bald eagles fly out of your rear end, make you wish you were eating your veggies and volunteering at the old folks home, and look fuckin amazing while he does it. BAM! 10,000 doubts piling up on your rear end, like Lady Liberty squatting on your back. That's Cap.

But Sue loving Richards, my GOD, Sue? She's got the greatest powers of all. If Proteus's powers are finding $100 in each pocket and Captain America is like coming home to find out Amazon accidentally left you a PS5, 30-series RTX card AND your waifu-pillow, then Sue loving Richards is waking up to your mansion and discovering you need new clothes AGAIN because they keep falling off of your god-like body. She's that loving hot. They have to saddle her with a host of sexist nerfs because otherwise she'd be out there owning everyone's rear end 24/7.

Ok first off she destroys the laws of physics as we know. Not only can she be invisible, but she can also see while bending light around her like a loving Predator Homemaker. So while a bunch of nerds are like "uhhh how would the photons..." she's already made brunch, cornered the stock market, and written notes in Reed's notebooks to make it seem like he's solved another one of his quaint problems. But wait. She's just getting started!

This dame can kancho your rear end at any moment because you'd never see her coming. You think you're walking into Target and WHAMMO your lunch is in the back of your throat. But wait, there's more! Sue Storm can make forcefields with her BRAIN POWERS. Last I knew, forcefields are impossible, but this chick can make bubbles, spheres, cylinders, discs and all matter of bullshit you'll never see. Who knows how she does that poo poo! Does she project Pressure Waves? Manipulate subatomic forces? Control gravity? Selectively *choose* what atoms pass through an imaginary boundary into gently caress You Space? Who knows! And you think someone who can make invisible forcefields would be walking into them all day and night but she can intuitively just not be affected by them. So one night she gets drunk and makes an invisible ottoman in the middle of your living room? She'll walk right through it while you go tits over teakettle like Dick Van Dipshit.

To top that with a cherry on top she can pop them bubbles and cause explosive compression, or decompression, depending on where she puts them. It's bad enough you can't see this bird, but now she's pummeling your head with boxing glove bubbles and putting you in a box like the loving Muppet you are and then she decides to put a bubble around your balls because why the gently caress not. gently caress, maybe she decides to make your rear end invisible so you don't know when to stop wiping.

And she can do this from across the planet! gently caress, she doesn't even need to be on Earth, she can do it from the Moon or Asgard or even HELL.

Now let's say you get around an invisible rear end and bubble-balls. No problem. Sue Storm can drive an invisible car into you. You'll be walking down the street and the next thing you know you're a pancake. Because she can also make things invisible on a whim. Maybe you throw a rock at her and what the poo poo it's gone but now she slingshotted it at your throat with her force powers and surprise you just got a rock across your kisser. But no, wait, you ruined her hair so now she's chucking hundreds of micrometeor bubbles at your face and you're not so pretty now are you, buster.

But we're just getting started, because she can bend those forcefields of hers around her body so she can be covered in Fuckoff 24/7. Here you think you'll punch her when she's applying sunscreen at the beach and gently caress your hand is impaled on an invisible spike because you're too dumb to see invisible things you fool. And forget about ever winning a Halloween costume contest because she can go as a floating head or Living X-ray and your Naruto cosplay just won't hack it, chum.

You think you have the drop on her? Hah, here's an invisible escalator aimed straight at your taint. Feel 200 invisible steps slam into you at the speed of light. So you start running but suddenly you can't feel your toes and that's because Sue loving Storm decided to make an invisible nano-width wall slice your little piggies off. So you think maybe if you jump into the sea she'll give off bubbles and you can shoot SURPRISE she's cracking off bus-sized bubbles and popping them, cavitating the water with invisible depth charges.

You're out of ideas so you think you'll plead to her and WOW suddenly irrd duunn twwwwky bleerrrmd because she decided to put a microbubble in your brain and all your words are meatloaf and you're stroking out. Being the merciful God she is, she pops a 2mm bubble in your aorta and kills you in a Flash. Maybe you think "well, at least I messed up her new J's? Bro, they're covered in microlayers of forcefield, they're not even creased.

The body? What body? It's invisible you jackass. It's so well hidden Jimmy Hoffa would have a tear in his eye.

Oh, and lastly her greatest power is she's generous in bed. Maybe Reed's having a stressful week because of the Negative Zone or the Infinity Contract or the Rent so he can't be Fantastic. No problem honey *pop* invisible cockring. Or maybe he wants to explore the P-zone? You got it dude.

And that, dear goons, is why Wolverine sucks and should go die in a freak greasefire.

Codependent Poster posted:

Guardians 2 rules and has some of the best emotional moments in any Marvel film.

Suicide Squad isn't bad, don't get me wrong. I enjoyed it and it's on the better side of DC films. But I felt there was just some piece missing from it to really make me engaged with it.

FilthyImp posted:

Blockhouse posted:

Thought Suicide Squad Comma The was loving great but I also think people who expected something like Guardians of the Galaxy are not ready for how pure uncut James Gunn this movie is compared to those

Like parts of it are closer to Slither than anything in GOTG

bunnyofdoom posted:

I also am glad that Harley is starting to grow in her relationships and move on from falling for abusive pieces of poo poo.

Rhyno posted:

That is definitely the best DC film yet.

Rhyno posted:

Cena is so good here, he stole the show. Fantastic cast all around and even though it was guess Boomerang's death bummed me out.

Rhyno posted:

Cena is so good here, he stole the show. Fantastic cast all around and even though it was guess Boomerang's death bummed me out.

ruddiger posted:

Also, the child murderer survived.

ruddiger posted:

I thought Pete Davidson’s character was named Blackheart so when Flagg said “Blackheart sold us out!” I was like, “a guy named BLACKHEART sold you out? No way!” Then I read his name was Blackguard which made it less ironic, and speaking of, what exactly was his plan after contacting the Corte Maltese army? He still had the bomb in his head, as soon as it was revealed he was the traitor I thought his head would’ve exploded via Waller instead of a random bullet.

Rhyno posted:

Cena is so good here, he stole the show. Fantastic cast all around and even though it was guess Boomerang's death bummed me out.

Big Mean Jerk posted:

I looked up Peacemaker’s actual comics history and background and I’m kinda shocked Gunn didn’t put any of that insanity in the movie.

I guess they’re saving it for the show?

muscles like this! posted:

You mean like how he thinks that the souls of the people he kills get sucked into his helmet and he can communicate with them?

Big Mean Jerk posted:

I’m even kinda bummed about Rick Flagg dying, although that probably has more to do with Kinnaman being so good on For All Mankind between films than anything else.

Phylodox posted:

The Suicide Squad is a good movie because Sebastian survived.

Arist posted:

Still haven't seen Aquaman but this is easily the new best DCEU movie for me, hands down. Really enjoyed it.

The Taika cameo got me, especially because I forgot he was supposed to be in this. The deaths that hit me the hardest were Boomerang (despite being super obvious because he was one of the only things I liked about the first movie), Polka Dot Man (even if I never loved the mom jokes/gimmick and his death wasn't terribly shocking in the moment for me), and surprisingly Flag. I would never have guessed that they'd kill him off, much less that I'd actually care. Idris Elba was a lot of fun too even if the combination of mask and accent made him a little hard to understand at times. Ratcatcher was great, King Shark was a little underbaked but still fun, Peacemaker was a great character to hate, and Harley's big moment was really cool. I'd agree that it doesn't quite have the magic or heart that the GOTG films have--it's not quite as funny as I wanted it to be and the big moment where the Squad decides to turn back and help doesn't quite get the time it needs. The movie feels a little "over-tightened" in that way, which I get because it's got a ton of plot to get through.

e: OH gently caress AFTER CREDITS, FLAG