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discovering that fruits and vegetables exist, perhaps even being reluctant to believe it at first haha, yeah right, "dragonfruit". Are you sure you were in the produce department and not a D&D game lol |
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Aug 6, 2021 04:54
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what the gently caress is a "leek" am I being gaslit, are you messing with me |
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Aug 6, 2021 04:55
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my sunchokes actually got big enough that we had to move them because the comed guy couldn't read the electrical meter from the street anymore so he'd just bug us once a month to let him in through the gangway
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Aug 6, 2021 06:50
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i did a google search and what the gently caress how did I not know about carrots, I thought Looney Tunes made them up |
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Aug 6, 2021 06:57
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Prof. Crocodile posted:alt-left infowars-style new shows where the presenter is screaming mad that the chemicals the government in the water aren't making frogs gay enough. this whole thread, and the last few pages are great and can't be fived enough but this made me lol |
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Aug 6, 2021 07:17
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Prof. Crocodile posted:alt-left infowars-style new shows where the presenter is screaming mad that the chemicals the government in the water aren't making frogs gay enough. https://twitter.com/3liza/status/1092312779275390976?s=21
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Aug 6, 2021 07:18
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The Bronyfucker. Posters of him are stuck up at Brony conventions saying don't let this man in but he sneaks in using a fake beard or mustache. A team of volounteers comb through Craiglist ads looking for tell tale signs. He keeps a tally of all the Bronys he's hosed. One guy is trying to bring him down and the press have already labeled him "the Brony cockblocker". |
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Aug 6, 2021 09:14
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Dip Viscous posted:TIL sunchokes are real We got them to eat and had some extras so we buried them in an unused flowerbed. They're taller than i am now. |
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Aug 6, 2021 12:17
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Code Jockey posted:what the gently caress is a "leek" a Leek? Like from skyrim? |
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Aug 6, 2021 14:27
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Ventral EggSac posted:a Leek? Like from skyrim? |
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Aug 6, 2021 14:32
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Sounds farfetched to me. |
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Aug 6, 2021 15:18
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"'howdy ladies and gentlemen. cass hershel here; cass hershel supermarket, old-timey drugstore, bait-and-tackle, auto sales, landfill, wedding chapel and notary public in beautiful downtown pigeon forge, tennessee (look for the free water billboard and you're gettin close!) -- we'll talk to the folks at the sonic youths a little more about where they find the insperation for their compy-sitions, but first i wanna tell y'uns about the specials we're running this week here at the supermarket: we got 21-ounce boxes of guy fieri's frosted tips cereal -- keeps its volume even in milk!-- for 2.99 apiece we also got twenny ounce bottles of swanson's carbonated vegetable stock in tomater, spicy tomater, and garden salsa variety --a real special this week -- they're twennyfive cents apiece, or three for a doller. it took us a while, but we finally got more of those barby-cue flavored nacho drippins. never understood the allure of it m'self but we can't keep the drat things on the shelf so i ain't got too much for complainin' at 2.79 a can. and then we got... what the hell is this? it's a bag of something but i've never seen it before in my life. it's made by kraft, tho, so i'd have to think it'd be edible... somehow. i didn't have any luck lookin' this up but did y'all have any luck, missus hershel?" "no we didn't, mister hershel" "well, whatever it is, we're sellin' em for a doller and seventy-nine. we got twelve cases of the stuff, minus the bag we're gonna give to the stockers for when they're hanging out in back the store smoking them mary-ju-ana cigarettes. yeah, i know, but it keeps 'em happy, they get the werk done, and they're good fer test-snackin on anything we give 'em. anyway, if it's unidentifiable but allegedly edible, you can't find it cheaper anywere else but cass hershel's." ...now, while them sonic youths are setting back up i'd like to tell y'uns we got a special treat coming for ya next week: our old buddy sun ra will be stoppin by and we always have a good time when he comes over, don't we, missus hershel?" "that's right, mister hershel! space is the place!" "space is the place indeed, my honeysuckle rose..." Gene Hackman Fan fucked around with this message at 17:23 on Aug 6, 2021 ---------------- |
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Aug 6, 2021 17:21
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Gene Hackman Fan posted:"'howdy ladies and gentlemen. cass hershel here; cass hershel supermarket, old-timey drugstore, bait-and-tackle, auto sales, landfill, wedding chapel and notary public in beautiful downtown pigeon forge, tennessee (look for the free water billboard and you're gettin close!) -- we'll talk to the folks at the sonic youths a little more about where they find the insperation for their compy-sitions, but first i wanna tell y'uns about the specials we're running this week here at the supermarket: |
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Aug 6, 2021 17:29
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lol
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Aug 6, 2021 17:31
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figured out how to do a low, grumbly voice -- talking in an overtone-singing sort of way almost like that "beeeeans what the fuuuuuck" meme. and it put me in mind of some local tv figures: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjHkfnNKBtg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1brcrb9Rj44 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAXaqIgqaT0 Gene Hackman Fan fucked around with this message at 18:21 on Aug 6, 2021 ---------------- |
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Aug 6, 2021 18:13
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a modern vampire trying to blend in and not get caught instead of looking like an obvious goth or dracula, but he just ends up looking like pete davidson |
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Aug 6, 2021 18:39
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a cartoon mouse vampire frustrated that his fangs are his buck teeth, giving him away instantly |
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Aug 6, 2021 18:40
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Vampire accidentally getting landlocked because people bought all the properties around him while he was walking through some abandoned lots |
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Aug 7, 2021 02:44
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Politics from now on is conducted behind a huge dome. The back and force is now depicted by means of hired actors who double, in a deramatised form the dry proceedings taken behind the bubble. Becoming an actor in the new TV series brings fame and industry pull. Then bit by bit the televised version of politics ceases to refer to anything real and becomes more and more self referential. |
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Aug 7, 2021 12:36
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Prurient Squid posted:Politics from now on is conducted behind a huge dome. The back and force is now depicted by means of hired actors who double, in a deramatised form the dry proceedings taken behind the bubble. Becoming an actor in the new TV series brings fame and industry pull. Then bit by bit the televised version of politics ceases to refer to anything real and becomes more and more self referential. Political issues mapped onto the bro vs manziere argument in Seinfeld |
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Aug 7, 2021 16:55
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this is a great video, and my life is better for having seen it. |
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Aug 7, 2021 17:45
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I was going in a Logan's Run direction as the actor president tries to search for the real president only to uncover a terrible secret about how the world really works. Only I then thought that he has to carry out his research while the cameras are rolling and it became the Truman show. |
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Aug 7, 2021 17:45
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one of those long wars between hidden societies that secretly run the world, like in the davinci code or assassin's creed, except they only know as much about each other as we know about any of them, and it turns out one of the secret societies doesn't exist, the other secret society just thinks they do so like jfk jr. dies in a plane crash, and the freemasons are like "drat you, illuminati!  "but there is no illuminati, the freemasons are just imagining patterns in significant world events and ascribing meaning to them |
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Aug 7, 2021 21:16
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Play-by-play announcer covering the inter-conspiratorial softball league. "Next up for the Buildabergers is Nelson Buildaberger, he's had a good night so far: overthrew two latin-american governments, and anybody else would be feeling pretty good but like he told me before the game, he keeps himself humble because bad days happen just as often as the good. Ope! Pipeline blew up, that's strike one... The Illuminati's pitching has been a rare form tonight, and it's been a while since we've them being able to set them up and shut them down like that--" "The kids have been eating their wheaties, Frank." "--Something like that, Earl. Have we ever actually figured out how this game is played yet?" "Nope, and your guess is as good as mine." |
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Aug 7, 2021 22:13
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Variation on the theme: The President invites a series of actors famous for playing The President over to the White House for a photo up and then suddenly the Earth is bathed in cosmic rays that gives everyone on Earth the exact kind of selective amnesia that would be required to work out which one is the real The President and also destroys all media that contains reruns of just those episodes that would rule out the fakes. And then they all get to be president I guess? |
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Aug 8, 2021 21:00
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arthur reed x mountain dew promotional campaign
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Aug 10, 2021 18:48
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Every day when you're walking down the street And every body that you meet Has an original mountain dew |
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Aug 10, 2021 21:12
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Using a time machine to witness the first time a person opened a bag and had a cat jump out. |
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Aug 11, 2021 12:06
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Prurient Squid posted:Using a time machine to witness the first time a person opened a bag and had a cat jump out. imagining a twilight zone scenario where the time traveler screws up the moment and has to try to arrange letting a cat out of his own bag in order to keep from changing history ---------------- |
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Aug 11, 2021 15:08
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It's not just the cat that's important, but also that there's no pig in that poke. It'd also be a pig-napping escapade! |
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Aug 11, 2021 17:35
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time traveler: "well, i just hosed up the future. maybe i can go back in the past to before i got here and keep myself from doing that" *in that instant, dozens of instances of the time traveler appear and announce in unison* "nah, that poo poo didn't work, better come up with something different." ---------------- |
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Aug 11, 2021 21:56
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Gene Hackman Fan posted:imagining a twilight zone scenario where the time traveler screws up the moment and has to try to arrange letting a cat out of his own bag in order to keep from changing history There was a Sound of Beans Spilling |
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Aug 11, 2021 21:56
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grinding sexual levels by making cum tributes to yourself |
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Aug 11, 2021 22:09
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Prurient Squid posted:Using a time machine to witness the first time a person opened a bag and had a cat jump out. Going back in time to the genesis of idioms and changing them slightly Coming back to your time and giggling |
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Aug 11, 2021 22:33
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Undocumented but important logical fallacies The Grandpa's Fallacy: The mistaken belief that the telling of a story decreases the likelihood that it will be told again |
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Aug 11, 2021 22:50
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google THIS posted:There was a Sound of Beans Spilling i spilled baked beans all over myself watching plautus' pseudolus in the roman amphitheater & a black plebian shouted "this senex eatin beans!" ---------------- |
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Aug 11, 2021 23:12
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RavenousScoot posted:grinding sexual levels by making cum tributes to yourself Climaxing and hearing the chanting from Skyrim that means you've leveled up |
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Aug 12, 2021 02:30
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Ventral EggSac posted:Climaxing and hearing the chanting from Skyrim that means you've leveled up spending hours and hours creating potions before my big date, then chugging all of them to boost my sexual power value to absurd levels, allowing me to climax within milliseconds, thus setting a new speed running record everyone else at sex done quick 2021 is in awe, and the donations roll in |
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Aug 12, 2021 03:18
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Code Jockey posted:spending hours and hours creating potions before my big date, then chugging all of them to boost my sexual power value to absurd levels, allowing me to climax within milliseconds, thus setting a new speed running record anal%
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Aug 12, 2021 03:39
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stone cold steve austin getting thrown a couple of beers while celebrating and he struggles to open the can because the tab is pressed too close into the can
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Aug 12, 2021 04:41
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