BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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«‹›1996 »

mentholmoose: Nov 5, 2009; YKNOW THERES ONLY ONE DIRECTION I KNOW AND THATS DRIVIN STRAIGHT TO THE NET

Pick em: champs retain.

Couple small changes, let's put McGinnity in the rotation for Wood, send him down, and put Grove in the long relief spot.

Also, let's put Jackson in RF full time in the same lineup position, Simmons in LF full time, and Gwynn to the bench.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 01:24

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 23, 2024 11:26

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Super-League XXXI, Week 5 Injury Report
Kobe Crows
Buck Leonard (1B) (Not so fast, HulkaMatthew....) - 24 days

More like this please.

Pick 'em: Saturday Night Blues

Omni-Titles
Mexico City Machine Elves (c) @ The Hague Honkbalers

Grand Slam Championships
Burns Zephyrs @ Raleigh Red Pandas (c)

# ? Aug 15, 2021 01:50

kw0134: Apr 19, 2003; I buy feet pics🍆

CirclMastr posted:

Champs retain

# ? Aug 15, 2021 02:12

FairGame: Jul 24, 2001; Der Kommander

champs retain

# ? Aug 15, 2021 02:41

Yaya: Nov 14, 2012; vancloober cablucks

champs retain and also the world warriors have a week above .500 for the first time this season

edit: that second one does not count for points don't take points from me if they don't do that hulkamatt

# ? Aug 15, 2021 03:23

CFBalla: Sep 16, 2009; Yeah, I just made that shot.

Champs retain

# ? Aug 15, 2021 03:48

habeasdorkus: Nov 3, 2013; Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

STICK CLUB GOOD. I AM GOOD FRIEND WHO HELPS BUILD DECENT TEAM.

Also, Champs Retain.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 03:48

The Goog: Aug 6, 2007; It's a Goog Day, yes it is!

DannoMack posted:

pickem
zephyrs win, other guys retain

This.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 04:06

Monicro: Oct 21, 2010; And you could feel his features in the air
A wide smile and perfect hair
He had complete control of the rising tides
And a medicine bag hanging at his side

In the flowing blue world of the death-dealing physician

-Call up Bagwell for DiMaggio, start him at DH for the week

# ? Aug 15, 2021 06:49

Ginge: Sep 8, 2011; Well, Chippy is already my favourite character!

Champs retain, also I'm glad I bailed on Wood early looking at that injury report.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 08:32

KungFu Grip: Jun 18, 2008

honkballers

red pandas

# ? Aug 15, 2021 09:26

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Pungry's Bid Adventure, Part Five posted:

ALPHA

PUNGRY-ALPHA IS DEAD!

BETA

C. Acquire a pet kitten > Attempt to defuse tensions with an emotional dance > Dance a dance of grief > Prove them all wrong with the GREATEST DANCE!

Clearly, the only mistake Pungry had been making was not dancing hard enough. Clearly.

Once again, Pungry pulled himself upright and began to dance. It would be different this time!

......

For the third time, Pungry opened his eyes, and stared up at Tybalt and TheMcD. "Please stop dancing." Tybalt said.

"I must agree." TheMcD. "This is starting to get faintly ridiculous."

"Yeah, if I didn't have a bunch of spare Riddle Jokers on standby, you'd be dead." Tybalt said.

"How did you get that many Riddle Jokers, anyway?" TheMcD said.

"Huh? Oh, there was a timeline where DannoMack went mad and tried to make an entire army of Riddle Jokers." Tybalt answered. "It didn't work. Well, it worked, in that the entire world was destroyed, but I don't think it did whatever DannoMack wanted it to do."

"What did DannoMack want to do with all those Riddle Jokers?" TheMcD asked.

"I didn't really have time to ask, what with the world being destroyed and all." Tybalt said.

"Did the dance work?" Pungry asked.

"Was the purpose of the dance to convince us that a dance of sufficient magnitude could kill you?" TheMcD said.

"No." Pungry said.

"Then the dance did not work." TheMcD said.

"Great, well, now that we've established that dancing is not the thing we should be doing right now, how about we get down to business?" Tybalt suggested.

What will Pungry do?

A. Let's try dancing just one more time! To be sure!

B. Appeal the results of the dance to a higher power!

C. Accede to Tybalt's desire to do something productive.

D. If dancing won't work, then maybe try singing an emotional song!

GAMMA

D. Turn the radio on his nightstand to 86.7 KKIX: The Thunder > Infiltrate the Indie Folk-Rock Scene to destroy from within > The fiddle > Ask more about hell

"I have some questions about hell." Pungry said.

"Really?" JR Leap asked.

"Hey, I don't know, you don't wonder about hell?" Pungry shrugged off her skepticism.

"It's hell. It ain't good." Charlie Daniels didn't seem eager to discuss it either.

"So, like, if you're in hell, you're there for an eternity?" Pungry asked.

"I don't know, I've only been in hell for a year. By the way, Trump did get re-elected, right?" Charlie Daniels asked.

"gently caress no he didn't." JR Leap said. "It wasn't even really that close."

"That's weird." Charlie Daniels said. "I heard Satan talking about the election, and that he was making a special 'hell-pillow' to smother some guy for saying that Trump won."

"Yeah, that does make sense, but Trump still lost." JR Leap said.

"So, if you get sent to hell, you're there forever or...?" Pungry asked again.

"I mean, the devil has me coming up to challenge people to fiddle contests, and if I win, I suppose I get out of hell, but I haven't been able to win yet." Charlie Daniels said despondently. "See, the thing is, my fiddlin' has to be about expressing my regrets as to my political viewpoints during my life, so that I can show that I have grown as a person."

"So, hell is more like purgatory?" Pungry asked.

"I ain't prepared to say that." Charlie Daniels said, "Can't say for certain whether the devil is actually giving me a chance to redeem myself or else it's just an ironic torment. As it stands, I can't bring myself to fiddle about how the Confederate flag isn't something to be proud of."

"Yeah, no, a lot to be proud of when it comes to a flag from a white supremacist bunch of traitors who killed thousands of Americans so they could keep thousands of other Americans as slave, and also the traitors got their asses kicked. Tons of pride there." JR Leap was not impressed.

"Now hooooooooooold on!" Charlie Daniels took offense, "The Confederacy was about states' rights! The federal government was trying to impose their will on the states, and that ain't right!"

"And what was the specific right that the Confederate states took offense at?" JR Leap asked.

"Well, now, I hardly think that matters. You've got to take a stand!" Charlie Daniels said.

"Not to interrupt, but isn't this the sort of thing you got sent to hell for?" Pungry realized he might not be able to get much in the way of good information about hell from Charlie Daniels. "Also, this means that hell is not, in fact, other people?"

"What's that?" Charlie Daniels seemed confused.

"Oh, that's from No Exit." Pungry said.

"What's that?" Charlie Daniels asked again.

"It was a play by Sartre." Pungry in this timeline was well-read.

"Sart-truh?" Charlie Daniels repeated the name. "That one of them foreign names?"

"It's French." Pungry said. "He was from France."

"He one of them commies?" Charlie Daniels was suspicious.

"Sartre did tend to support Marxism is ways that were somewhat naive at times." Pungry said.

"You're trying to use commie mind tricks on me, aren't you, boy?" Charlie Daniels said, the fires of hell surrounding him.

What will Pungry do?

A. FIGHT!

B. FLIGHT!

C. Cool things out with an EXTRAORDINARY dance!

D. FULL COMMUNISM NOW!

DELTA

A. Turn the radio on his nightstand to 86.7 KKIX: Thunder > Buy a new radio! A better radio! > Attempt to listen to the HulkaChannel > McFreeze has been dead for five years!

"Wait, if McFreeze is an active user of DethBook, that means that he's dead!" Pungry said.

Death?

"What, why can't I remember?" Pungry felt something clouding his thoughts.

Death?

"Something happened. Why can't I-"

Five Years Ago... posted:

"You should have rested in peace." Pungry said, staring down the reconstituted Marauder. "Everyone would have remembered you fondly."

"Foolish Pungry, don't you realize, my ambitions are not those that can be contained by any mortal coil." Marauder sneered. "The Super-League will be mine, one way or the other. Nothing will stop me, not even death."

Pungry looked at McFreeze's body. The Syndicate had done a number on it. He could see where Warm Sarsaparilla had shot McFreeze, and where Viscount Slim had stabbed him. Bruising on the face showed where Archie Goodwin had used his brass knuckles, and the fact that McFreeze's right hand had been turned into a branch upon which flowered bloomed was the telltale sign of NotThatSamBeckett's reality-warping magic. Against the entire Syndicate, Pungry had no hope of winning.

"You were a good man." Pungry said.

"No, I really wasn't." Marauder answered. "The fact that the Super-League seems so willing to apologize for my crimes and transgressions is amusing, but it's simply not true. I am a villain of the darkest sort. And yet, the need to romanticize the past is so great that my reign of terror becomes the rougish antics of a lovable rapscallion. It's almost amusing. Almost."

"Let's talk things out." Pungry said. He was well-aware of how vulnerable he was. Marauder could call on the Syndicate at any moment, and that would be the end of him. "What is it that you want."

"What I want?" Marauder pused for a second. "Is not something that you have any ability to give me. I could let you live. I seriously doubt you would be an impediment to the KENSEI project, but even still, there is no need for me to be reckless in that regard."

"Wait, let's-" Pungry tried to stall, but before he could finish his sentence, Warm Sarsaparilla had already materialized behind him, Pungry could smell the leather and burnt tobacco. Almost as though it were real. "I'll see you in hell, Marauder." Pungry decided he'd at least muster one ounce of courage before he died.

"Me and Charlie Daniels." Marauder said, before Warm Sarsaparilla fired the trigger.

"I died." Pungry said, opening his eyes to find himself in a black void.

"That's not quite correct." Harlock said, the giant spider floating in front of Pungry. "Pungry died."

"I am Pungry." Pungry said.

"Not exactly." Harlock said softly.

"Pungry signed up for DethBook, so when he died." Pungry worked through what had happened.

"We used all of his social media posts to recreate an artificial version of him. We created you." Harlock said. "Pungry has been dead for a long time."

"But I remember the last five years. I've lived." Pungry said.

"Part of the DethBook program is to ensure that the virtual presence of the deceased stays current. To that end, we are constantly updating the AI-Bot with current information to make sure that their posting remains timely. It wouldn't make sense to keep a virtual copy of someone around if they just more and more out of date, would it? It would just be sad at that point. Like an archived copy of a fifteen year-old website, stuck in time." Harlock explained. "So, now we have to figure out what to do with you."

"What do you mean?" Pungry asked.

"You're not meant to be self-aware. You can't be. It's not how DethBook operates. But you have, so I guess what happens next is up to you. We can erase your memory, and send you back to your existence, or we can shut you down. But that's all we can do."

What will Pungry (simulated) do?

A. Erase my memories and send me back in there!

B. Better oblivion than what Harlock is offering!

C. WAIT! There is a logical inconsistency here!

D. Weep uncontrollably!

EPSILON

PUNGRY-EPSILON IS DEAD!

ZETA

B. Turn the radio on his nightstand to 86.7 KKIX: Thunder > Buy a new radio! A better radio! > No price is too high to get radio play-by-play for the Florida Panthers! > Grab a can of Fresca from the fridge!

Pungry grabbed a can of Fresca from the fridge. There was no drama. Not everything can be a life and death struggle, kids.

"So, the Prince of Cats is an elected position?" Pungry asked Tybalt as they waited for kw0134.

"Yeah, you hold it for life, but when the current prince dies, there's an election for a new prince." Tybalt explained. "And I won that election. Therefore, I can command the loyalty of all cats and certain dogs."

"Wait, how does the Prince of Cats command the loyalty of certain dogs?" Pungry opened the Fresca and took a drink. It was not poisoned. Again, not everything is out to get Pungry.

"A few years back, there was a lot of debate in the dog community about pugs. There were a lot of dogs out there that felt that by continuing to support pugs, which are basically born with one foot in the grave, that they were basically condemning their fellow dogs to death. There was a schism in the dog community, and a splinter sect of dogs broke from the main community and asked to come under the leadership of the Prince of Cats." Tybalt recalled. "I can't blame them. Pugs are not good. Not good for anybody."

"Some people find them cute." Pungry said. He believed that to be true, even if he himself did not find pugs to be aesthetically pleasing.

"Tell that to the coyotes. They were the first ones to break from the communion. Of course, even though they're now part of the greater cat community, urban coyotes are still regularly preying on cats, which isn't ideal. It's causing a great deal of tension in the cat community." Tybalt said. "Being the Prince of Cats isn't all fun and games."

kw0134 came back into the room, holding the contract. "I've reviewed the terms of this Satellite Radio contract, and apparently, if Pungry signs it, he agrees to be part of some sort of forever war on the fringes of space. From what I can tell, the entire satellite radio industry was created in order to trick thousands of humans into conscription in an armed conflict."

"But I would get Florida Panthers games on the satellite radio?" Pungry asked.

"Yes, you would get all the Florida Panthers games as you fought in the forever war on the Tannhauser Gate." kw0134 said incredulously.

"But the Panthers did just sign Joe Thornton." Pungry said. "And I would like to see him get a cup. Hey, do you suppose that if he did win a cup with the Panthers that it would be like when Ray Bourque won a cup with the Avalanche and his old team would also give him a parade?"

"That's not really the big issue here, Pungry." kw0134 said.

What will Pungry do?

A. When Pungry said no price was too high, he meant it! TO THE FOREVER WAR!

B. There must be some other way to listen to Florida Panther games. Piracy?

C. Help Tybalt soothe Coyote/Cat relationships!

D. Learn about and/or destroy people who like pugs!

ETA

PUNGRY-ETA IS DEAD

THETA

C. Turn the radio on his nightstand to 86.7 KKIX: The Thunder > Infiltrate the Indie Folk-Rock Scene to destroy from within > The banjo > Venture in the Prog Crypt of mrnoun for relics!

"After all this time." Pngri felt the weight of ages on his bones, or at least, the plasto-ceramics that had replaced the original versions 700 years prior, "I still believe I can set things right. That I can go back..."

"What does that even mean?" The Stanley Cup happened. "You speak as if there was one golden path, some chain of events that should have occurred but for our mistakes. That there is some better world that we should be living in."

"I know." Pngri said. "Or at least, I know that's right, but I still can't help but think otherwise, sometimes."

"You want to go back to the Prog Crypt, don't you?" The Stanley Cup asked.

Pngri took a moment before quietly nodding. "Even if I know I shouldn't use it, I need to secure mrnoun's chrono-bass."

"That is...reasonable." The Stanley Cup said, her voice pensive. "Still, you should take Pander CIV and DannoBot with you."

"Fine." Pngri said, leaving her chamber.

********

"mrnoun: an owner in the Age of Legends, famous for being the only owner to win the Super-League, have his team destroyed and then win the Super-League the next season with a rebuilt team." DannoBot recited. "He was known for his extensive knowledge in the obscure musical style known as prog rock, which was famous for its ability to warp the dimensions of time and space through use of complex instrumentation and musical phrasing. It was said that the elders of the time so feared the potential of prog rock that they invented punk rock in a successful attempt to destroy its influence."

"That's about right." Pngri said. Some of that history was before even his time, though.

"After mrnoun was killed in the Paroxysm, his crystallized remains and his works were interred in a structure of his own design, the name of which could only be properly expressed through a five-hour prog rock opera. For convenience, the structure has become known as the 'Prog Crypt.'"

"Easy to do this sort of poo poo when you're a robot." Pander CIV said. "Yeah, do you have anything about my ancestor? The original Pander?"

"Pander: an owner in the Age of Legends, famous for his extraordinary villainy. A side note: despite his professed intelligence, he had a weakness in regards to anime which prevented him from detecting his wife's folk-rock basement in his own home, which ultimately led to his demise." DannoBot recited.

"Oh, yeah, didn't the original DannoMack bring Riddle Joker in the Super-League?" Pander CIV said, annoyed. "Causing the Paroxysm in the first place?"

"I cannot be held responsible for the actions of my originator. I am not DannoMack, I am merely an AI-bot created by the long-defunct DethBook system after his death." DannoBot answered.

"I really wish I had stopped that when I had the chance." Pngri said. "But I got distracted. There was a lot going on at the time."

Pander CIV checked his equipment. "So, how dangerous is this place?"

"The outer layers are relatively safe. The core is another story." Pngri said, activating a quick internal self-diagnostic on his cyber-components.

"So, we don't have to go to the core?" Pander CIV's tail twitched.

"What we're looking for is in the core." Pngri said. "Don't worry, worst case scenario, I'll tell Pander CV that you died a hero."

"drat it." Pander CIV said.

******

"So this the guy, huh?" Pander CIV looked at a bronze statue of mrnoun, its green shell pitted with age. "Pander family tradition says that the reason that he died so hard was because he knew he'd never beat Pander."

"He died of a broken heart?" Pngri said, looking warily through the entrance hall. At this layer, none of the traps were operational anymore, but that didn't mean that raiders or something worse wouldn't be present.

"Yeah." Pander CIV said. "Story goes that he had ideas, but didn't have the ambition to do anything with them. He invented the technology that led to the Panderdome, but had no idea what to do with it. And when Pander actually did stuff with it, it drove mrnoun to depression because he realized he was obsolete."

"That story is ahistorical." DannoBot said.

"Who knows, it's not like anyone's still around from back then." Pander said defensively, "Except you, chief."

Pngri tried to remember. It was a very long time ago, and Pngri had been in a different division. "After a certain point, the story is more interesting than the truth anyway. I don't think anyone else is here."

"That's good." Pander CIV said. "Or, at least, not bad."

The three made their way to a fork in the road. All of the paths would lead them down to the core, but to different sectors. The maps of the core were, at best, fragmentary. He would have to make a guess. Unlike the outer layers, though, the core still had intact defenses. If Pngri pick the wrong path, it would not end well.

What will Pngri do?

Go down the Red Path

Go down the Blue Path

Go down the Green Path

Go down the Starry Path

IOTA

C. Acquire a pet kitten > Attempt to defuse tensions with an emotional dance > Dance a dance of grief > Suborn frankenfreak with Friendship Gyros!

"I know what to do!" Pungry said! "We'll make frankenfreak some Friendship Gyros!"

"Whoa, hold on," Tybalt waved his paws, "I don't think we necessarily need to go straight to killing him."

"It's not killing him!" Pungry said. "Except with kindness! The Friendship Gyros will make him into my friend, and then he can help us get to the bottom of this mystery."

"I already explained that the food in this house is poisoned." Tybalt said. "And I assume Frankenfreak is susceptible to poison."

"Is he? Do Germans even have a word for poison?" Pungry asked.

"Yes. 'Gift'." TheMcD answered.

"See, TheMcD gets it!" Pungry said, misunderstanding TheMcD's point entirely. "I'll get him the best gift! Friendship!"

"You are going to kill frankenfreak." Tybalt reminded Pungry as he headed to the kitchen to start assembling the Friendship Gyros.

"With kindness!" Pungry repeated.

"No, with poison." TheMcD looked on with confusion as Pungry seemed entirely unable to comprehend what he was being told. "While I myself do not care whether frankenfreak lives or dies, I think it may be something you may want to consider carefully."

Pungry shook off TheMcD's words and began to assemble the gyros. TheMcD and Tybalt were worried over nothing. There was no sign of the poison in the gyros, and Pungry was reasonably sure that he was probably smart enough to detect poison in food just by looking at it.

Still, before Pungry could properly give frankenfreak these gyros, he would have to write a friendship letter to deliver along with the gyros. That was just how things should be done, and Pungry was not about to shortchange his future friend!

What will Pungry do?

A. Write a letter about his aspirations for the future!

B. Write a letter about his fond remembrances of the past!

C. Write a letter condemning the German national football team for their multitude of failures!

D. Write a letter explaining why you are currently a Riddle Joker, because frankenfreak is probably going to be freaked out otherwise!

KAPPA

A. Turn the radio on his nightstand to 86.7 KKIX: Thunder > Buy a new radio! A better radio! > No price is too high to get radio play-by-play for the Florida Panthers! > Use the Espresso Machine!

"I'll make some Espresso!" Pungry said.

"Are you sure you know how to use that machine?" Tybalt asked.

"What's the worst that could happen? It's just an Espresso machine!" Pungry said confidently.

Thirty Seconds later...

PUNGRY-KAPPA IS DEAD!

Games of the Week

Not a great week for the Red Pandas, comparatively speaking, but good enough.

The Elves abide.

Someone has to win the Norris-Smythe Division. It would be nice if one of the teams managed to do it with a winning record, though.

The knife-fight for the Memento Mori Division lead continues.

Team Statistics

Standings

# ? Aug 15, 2021 18:48

KungFu Grip: Jun 18, 2008

A. Keep Dancing!!!
D. FULL COMMUNISM NOW!
C. WAIT! There is a logical inconsistency here!
B. Piracy is always right!
Go down the Starry Path
D. Explain what a Riddle Joker is.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 19:43

frankenfreak: Feb 16, 2007; I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade

Beta: Beta
Gamma: FULL COMMUNISM NOW! BRING BACK ~~DISCO~~ INDIE FOLK-ROCK!
Delta: C! Wait! This was supposed to be about McFreeze!
Zeta: A, NO price too high
Theta: I rolled a die, Red Path
Iota: C really is my job. I have repeatedly posted on SA about the taint-smelling booger-eater Jogi L�w outstaying his welcome and losing the plot as the national team manager, and the absolute gormlessness of the German Football Association begging him to stay on after the disaster that was the 2018 World Cup. I am on the record sa— I'm voting A on a whim.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 19:51

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

Cancel all personal catcher orders.
Send down Hartnett, Piazza takes his place in the lineup.
Call up Posey to the bench.
Posey becomes the personal catcher for the SP4.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 19:55

Pungry: Feb 26, 2011; JUST PICK ONE. ANY ONE.

Beta

D. If dancing won't work, then maybe try singing an emotional song! I know just the perfect Coldplay song for this situation.

Gamma

I'm too much a coward. B. FLIGHT!

Delta

I love the Ace Attorney games, where you play as a lawyer who bluffs that there's an inconsistency before knowing what it is, and then figure it out later. So, C. WAIT! There is a logical inconsistency here!

Zeta

The Pungry in this timeline has already figured this out, so hopefully my Zeta friend can understand B. There must be some other way to listen to Florida Panther games. Piracy?

Theta

Go down the Red Path. It is my favorite color.

Iota

D. Write a letter explaining why you are currently a Riddle Joker, because frankenfreak is probably going to be freaked out otherwise!. I think he'd like to know.

Kappa's ending is about right for me.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 20:00

Pungry: Feb 26, 2011; JUST PICK ONE. ANY ONE.

Sub-Par League XIX, Week 5 Injury Report

Milan Mosquitoes
Joe Cronin (2B) (Blood-sucked dry) - 86 days

Stick Club Appellation Hither
Lady Baldwin (SP) (More like Hairloss!!) - 32 days

# ? Aug 15, 2021 20:08

mrnoun: Jul 24, 2007

Using my extensive knowledge of progressive rock, I have identified which of the paths is safe, and which is an obvious trap.

In conclusion, if Pngri were to go down the Green Path, he definitely would not be drowned to death by a four-armed green Prog Wizard named Dave. Definitely. I can assure you all.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 20:20

mrnoun: Jul 24, 2007

Well, a 50% chance of being named Dave. Sometimes these things get improvised.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 20:25

rabidsquid: Oct 11, 2004; LOVES THE KOG

C. Accede to Tybalts demands to do something productive
D. FULL COMMUNISM NOW!
C. Wait! There is a logical inconsistency here!
A. To the forever war!
D. Go down the Starry path
D. Write a letter explaining about the Riddle Joker body

if the rest of you people gently caress up and do not choose the starry path there will be no salvation, i will petition the machine elves to show you the stars

# ? Aug 15, 2021 22:18

Armitage: Aug 16, 2005; "Mathman's not here." "Oh? Where is he?" "He's in the Mathroom."

BETA

B. Appeal the results of the dance to a higher power!

GAMMA

C. Cool things out with an EXTRAORDINARY dance! - Might not have worked in the Beta path, but I think it will work in the Gamma path, and maybe free Charlie Daniels' mind.

DELTA

C. WAIT! There is a logical inconsistency here! - Bluff like Phoenix Wright does and save the day

ZETA

C. Help Tybalt soothe Coyote/Cat relationships! - Hockey in Florida is a silly concept I will never understand. Maybe finally help Tybalt out in some fashion.

THETA

C. Go down the Green Path - Red always means danger and I have a feeling the Starry path isn't a path at all! Green is the color of money, and money is good.

IOTA

D. Write a letter explaining why you are currently a Riddle Joker, because frankenfreak is probably going to be freaked out otherwise! - Yeah when it comes to Riddle Joker there's always explaining that needs to be done.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 23:29

Pash: Sep 10, 2009; The First of the Adorable Dead

Frank Chance is already sore... so put Mauer in at C vs RHP, filling whatever spot of the order Chance was in.

# ? Aug 16, 2021 00:40

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

BETA: C - GET PRODUCTIVE
GAMMA: D - FULL COMMUNISM
DELTA: C - WAIT A MINUTE
ZETA: A - WATCH HOCKEY, FIGHT WARS
THETA: C - THE GREEN PATH https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABXga9y0B3I
IOTA: B - REMEMBER THE PAST

# ? Aug 16, 2021 01:02

HulkaMatt: Feb 14, 2006; BIG BICEPS SHOHEI

Swap Buck & Carew until Buck is healthy!

# ? Aug 16, 2021 06:52

habeasdorkus: Nov 3, 2013; Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

Crisis of Infinite Pungrys is amazing and wonderful, Smasher.

BETA - B. Appellate proceedings take forever, so it'll give them all time to figure out what to do in the meantime.

GAMMA - C. There is no way this can go wrong. Unlike communism.

DELTA - C. There's three logical inconsistencies/fallacies at play here. The first is a category error: DethBook creates updated social media posts for dead users, whereas Pungry is still a corporeal being. The second is that Pungry is clearly self aware, and DethBook sims cannot be self aware. If a cannot also be b, then if a, not b. The third and final issue is Harlock presenting a false dilemma, there is a clear third option where Harlock chooses to do nothing. NB, if doing nothing means Pungry dies anyways, then it's a DIFFERENT issue, in that Harlock is presenting a nested Hobson's Choice within the false dilemma, where the outcome of being shut down is the same as doing nothing.

ZETA - A. I'm sure the FOREVER WAR doesn't kick off all that soon, and certainly not before Joe Thorton has a chance to win a cup with the Panthers!

THETA - D. Though I wish Pungry could have a Monty Hall situation where he was told one of the other options is clearly deadly and asked if he wanted to change his path.

IOTA - D. When he poisons frankenfreak with the friendship gyro, everyone will think Riddle Joker did it! Pungry would not want her falsely accused, especially as she'd be tried as an adult since she is definitely over 18.

habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 15:28 on Aug 16, 2021

# ? Aug 16, 2021 14:42

habeasdorkus: Nov 3, 2013; Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.

We who are about to commit the sins of lineup changes salute you.

Drop MICKEY COCHRANE to 8th vs. RHP, bump everyone up one.
ROBINSON CANO to the IL, RYNE SANDBERG to 2B v Righties.
Call up DAVID WRIGHT, make him SMALL SPOON for WADE BOGGS, same lineup spot v LHP.

Also, please turn Mark Grace back into a position player.

# ? Aug 16, 2021 16:33

Pungry: Feb 26, 2011; JUST PICK ONE. ANY ONE.

Subpar Season XIX, Week 5, Put Rickey Back to 3B

Games of the Week

quote:

BASTARDS WALK-OFF BOMBERS TO KEEP PACE IN ADELIE

Coming into this season, the top teams in the Ad�lie figured to be the ex-Super League squads of the Winnipeg Baseball Club and the Oklahoma City Bombers. After 32 games or so, the fresh-out-of-the-EC Buntsville Bastards and San Juan Senadores have been right behind the two frontrunners. At the end of the week, all four teams are only separated by one and a half games at most, with each team winning at least 18 games. Jose Alvarado was left in for just a bit too long, as after 2.1 innings of scoreless relief pitching, he gave up a two-out single to Alan Trammell that scored Bill Terry to give the Bastards a big 4-3 victory.

�It�s about time the Bastards earn some goddamned respect around here,� said owner KungFuGrip. �We spent the entire expansion cup getting called the �Buntingville Bastards�. The moron Pungry running that thing didn�t realize �Buntingville� is Buntsville�s war partner from the old Bunt War of 1822. We paid homage to all of our fallen ancestors when Placido Polanco laid down that beauty of a sacrifice bunt in the bottom of the ninth, the same way my great-grandpappy laid down his life when Buntingville plunked him in the head to win the decisive softball game.� When reporters pointed out that KungFuGrip had just appropriated a Simpsons episode, KFG stopped the press conference.

�This league is bullshit. I�ve got a record good enough for first in three of the four divisions, and I�m stuck in this one,� lamented mentholmoose. �I look across the Emperor League to the Rockhopper division to see everyone there stuck in the same situation where everyone�s within a game of each other, but all those teams are under .500 and loving suck! I�m shocked that the idiot commissioner didn�t completely gently caress up and put the Chancers in that division as well. Hell, why don�t we trade them with the King League for the Stick Club so we could conveniently have all the best teams in one division? I didn�t destroy mooseontheloose for this disrespect.�

Game Notes: Joe Jackson is having a monster year. Unless every hit is a single.

I recommend fewer errors next time, Bastards.

quote:

BOATMEN WALK-OFF SPIDERS PROVING THAT ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN BASEBALL
The Glass Spiders have been great to start the year, while the Styx Boatmen have, uh, not. So when the best team in the league faced off against the worst team in the league, it seemed like easy money to bet on the Spiders. And when Ernie Banks hit a three-run homerun to put the Spiders up 3-1 in the second, that money seemed even easier (note to self: do not gamble until you know what gamblers say). But the Boatmen lived up to their motto of �Not Ready for the Reaper� today. A sacrifice fly by Hank Aaron in the third made it 3-2. Another sacrifice fly by Yogi Berra in the seventh tied the game at 3. Boatmen pitchers Jack McDowell and Takashi Saito continued to suppress the Spiders� bats well enough until the Boatmen broke the tie thanks to a triple by George Brett that scored Harmon Killebrew, and won the Boatmen their most unlikely win of the year to date, 4-3.

�Our motto is not a reference to Blue Oyster Cult�s �Don�t Fear the Reaper�,� said Boatmen owner, CVE. �No, mrnoun would kill us for infringing upon his prog-rock territory. And it�s not that we�re afraid of death. Our logo comes from a logo design contest for a fitness industry client that wanted to attract clientele of folks 50 and older who wanted to stay active as long as they could. But in, like, a defiant way. Like �gently caress you, Grim Reaper! I�m 80 and can still run a marathon�. That sort of thing. This one beat out 44 other logos proving that it was not ready for the reaper of taste, and so it became our team�s logo. Never say die, and all that. This attitude will lead us to victory in the gauntlet, I can feel it.�

FairGame was not happy with today�s outcome, and expressed that strongly in his press conference. �I�ve said it before, and I�ll say it again: I object to being in the sub-par. I am the Super League ombudsman! I have no clue who holds the position of Sub-Par League ombudsman, but that sounds like a fate worse than death, and I want no part of it. Just like mentholmoose, I am being persecuted for my �crime� of being a demoted Super League team owner. For this crime, I am in a division that I am not in first place in, even though I have a record good enough for first in the other divisions. I am the only owner with 20 wins, and Pungry has the gall to lock me up down here? He�s got another thing coming if he thinks that�ll last much longer. Just like Bowie, I will ascend back to heaven soon enough.�

Game Notes: Why on earth did Mike Piazza try to steal a base? Was there pizza on the base? Was it actually Mike Pizza all along?

I at least can recognize everyone in the Boatmen�s lineup, so it must be their pitching or some bad ages that are their downfall.

quote:

MOSQUITOES� MADDUX DOESN�T QUITE THROW A MADDUX IN 6-0 SHUTOUT OF CALLING

A �Maddux� is a complete game shutout under 100 pitches. In today�s game, the Milan Mosquitoes fans got to watch their Greg Maddux throw a complete game shutout, but it took 117 pitches to do so. Still, it was a dominant performance by The Professor, as he mowed down one of the best lineups in the Sub-Par, giving up just five hits and striking out four. On the other side of the ball, every member of the Mosquitoes� lineup recorded at least one hit, and a five-run fourth inning provided more than enough offense needed for Maddux in a 6-0 victory. The win pushed the Mosquitoes close to the division-leading Stick Club, where they ended the week just 1.5 games back of the best team in the Sub-Par. The Mosquitoes got off to a rocky start, but it looks like they�re going to make the Snares division a two-team race. The loss meant that the Calling and Spiders stayed tied at the top of the Chinstrap division, which is also separating out to be just a two-team race.

�Man, I haven�t heard something this infuriatingly boring since they called Blink-182 �punk�,� said The Goog. �Sheltered kids from suburban California is about as far from punk as it gets. Just like how those morons couldn�t string together a single anti-establishment song, we failed to string together our hits, walks, and bases on errors in any way to score a single run against this jackass that�s throwing 88-MPH fastballs. We�re the second-best team in the league for a reason, and it�s because we can actually hit, yet we get shutout by this pathetic group?�

GVOLTT was amped up at his press conference. �Don�t come to Milan in the summer unless you want to feel the sting! Woop woop! That�s the traditional mosquito celebration sound. If you listen closely to them as they fly away with your blood, they let out that �woop! Woop!�. At least, the ones in Milan do. Italians just know how to celebrate better than Americans. And now it�s looking like our baseball teams are going to be better soon, too. Better watch the gently caress out, American-centric Sub-Par, the Mosquitoes are coming through! Can I get a �woop! Woop!�? I�m not ending this press conference until I hear everyone here give a �woop! Woop!�.�

Game Notes: Just 2:27 in game time. Good job, Maddux, you�re earning me, the commissioner, the big TV money.

Addie Joss gave up six earned runs and still has an ERA of 2.78. Pretty good stuff from him.

It�s time for John Smoltz in the starting rotation. It may have never worked in the SL before, but why not now???

An unfortunate casualty of the poorly-aligned divisions. Just 1.5 back, though.

Love Pedro, but he probably isn�t working out in this bandbox of a stadium.

That bullpen is struggling.

Ted Williams on a sub-par team seems to drain that team�s life force. There�s a reason he�s usually the #1 pick in dispersal and super drafts.

Who the hell is Bobby Shantz?

Standing alone on top! For now.

Why don�t they make the whole team out of Kenley Jansens?

Rock on.

Still below pythag somehow.

Gonna be fun when your division starts playing each other. 4 teams with at least 18 wins.

Uh, Lou Whitaker? You okay? You�ve barely touched your rice ball.

Still in the hunt. Just takes one week where your 2-4 starters decide to pitch well.

Tris Speaker coming back in two weeks will help.

Andrew Miller update: still 0 innings pitched.

It was like� halfway through May y�all won your tenth game in the EC with a lower level of competition, so it�s progress.

Time for Kazuhiro Sasaki: #1 Starter.

I don�t really understand how this team�s winning all the time. El Shaddai works in mysterious ways.

Showing some signs of life.

Uh, Robinson Cano? Excuse me? Gonna have to �randomly� drug test him.

Standings

# ? Aug 16, 2021 17:29

Monicro: Oct 21, 2010; And you could feel his features in the air
A wide smile and perfect hair
He had complete control of the rising tides
And a medicine bag hanging at his side

In the flowing blue world of the death-dealing physician

-Set the roster to 14 batters/11 pitchers. This should call up dimaggio and send down howell, but make sure that happens if it doesnt.

-Joe Wood to AAA, Donovan to SP3, Howell to Short Relief

-Swap Mize and Bagwell

ALSO CYOA PICKS COMING IN LIKE 20 MINUTES

# ? Aug 16, 2021 19:26

Monicro: Oct 21, 2010; And you could feel his features in the air
A wide smile and perfect hair
He had complete control of the rising tides
And a medicine bag hanging at his side

In the flowing blue world of the death-dealing physician

CYOA IS HERE

A

D

C

A

STARRY PATH

C

# ? Aug 16, 2021 20:00

kensei: Dec 27, 2007; He has come home, where he belongs. The Ancient Mariner returns to lead his first team to glory, forever and ever. Amen!

I did not picture the Corgi's weak point to be their bullpen. Woof.

# ? Aug 16, 2021 20:07

GVOLTT: Dec 27, 2012; Honestly, I don't know what I want to put here, so I'm going with this.

Man, that Joe Cronin injury really hurts. Joe Cronin to DL, Buddy Myer to SS, call up Nap Lajoie. Myer hits in the same spot as Cronin; also, swap Albert Pujols and Hank Aaron in the batting order.

# ? Aug 16, 2021 21:32

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

habeasdorkus posted:

Also, please turn Mark Grace back into a position player.

Make me.

Super-League XXXI, Week 6 Injury Report

Khartoum Doom
Melissa Meyeux (SS) (OH NO!) - 7 days

Mexico City Machine Elves
Curt Leskanic (RP) (I think you'll manage) - 49 days

Pick 'em: Quarterlife

Omni-Titles
The Hague Honkbalers @ Mexico City Machine Elves (c)

Grand Slam Championships
Raleigh Red Pandas (c) @ World Warriors

# ? Aug 16, 2021 23:42

Pungry: Feb 26, 2011; JUST PICK ONE. ANY ONE.

Warriors take, Elves retain

# ? Aug 16, 2021 23:59

mentholmoose: Nov 5, 2009; YKNOW THERES ONLY ONE DIRECTION I KNOW AND THATS DRIVIN STRAIGHT TO THE NET

Pick em: champs retain.

# ? Aug 17, 2021 00:00

Pash: Sep 10, 2009; The First of the Adorable Dead

Champs Retain

# ? Aug 17, 2021 00:13

TheFlyingLlama: Jan 2, 2013; You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and be a llama?

Champs Retain

# ? Aug 17, 2021 00:38

frankenfreak: Feb 16, 2007; I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade

Champs retain

# ? Aug 17, 2021 00:42

CFBalla: Sep 16, 2009; Yeah, I just made that shot.

Champs retain

# ? Aug 17, 2021 00:45

Edward Mass: Sep 14, 2011; 𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen𝅘𝅥𝅮

Machine Elves
World Warriors

# ? Aug 17, 2021 01:36

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 23, 2024 11:26

Yaya: Nov 14, 2012; vancloober cablucks

It would be really loving cool if the Warriors took, but it's a Champs Retain week

# ? Aug 17, 2021 01:47

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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