Let's Read Animorphs! The Whole Series! Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

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OctaviusBeaver: Apr 30, 2009; Say what now?

They approach those chimps pretty casually. I've read too many stories about chimp maulings to be comfortable with that. I like my eyes ungouged and my ears still attached. Then they go and release them into the city.

# ? Aug 31, 2021 01:01

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# ? May 28, 2024 05:49

Ravenfood: Nov 4, 2011

OctaviusBeaver posted:

They approach those chimps pretty casually. I've read too many stories about chimp maulings to be comfortable with that. I like my eyes ungouged and my ears still attached. Then they go and release them into the city.

They have been repeatedly dismembered at this point in the series, albeit generally in morphs. The knowledge that they can morph into something and back again to heal, along with a healthy dose of mental trauma, might make them pretty numb to the idea of a simple chimp mauling.

# ? Aug 31, 2021 01:34

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Chapter 9

quote:

The truck slowed and then came to a stop.

When the door rolled up on its rusty hinges, the still-bright afternoon light flooded the truck. I squinted and shrank against the far wall of my cage.

�Okay, you monkeys, get ready,� a large human grunted as he pulled himself into the truck.

I looked past him. A second human slid a ramp into place, connecting the truck to a large, open doorway. The doorway was elevated several feet above the ground. In fact, it matched the height of the back of the truck. Proving that sometimes humans are capable of planning ahead.

Just inside the building stood three men in white, loose-fitting artificial skin. Clothing. At their feet was a flat metal cart on wheels.

Marco and I were in the cages closest to the door. One of us would be the first to go.

The men lifted my cage, straining as they pulled it onto the cart. Once on the cart, they pushed me along the ramp.

I shifted uneasily behind the bars. Was I acting the part appropriately? What would a chimpanzee do under these circumstances?

<Everyone be kind of cool,> Cassie instructed. <These chimps were probably raised in captivity. They�d be somewhat used to all this.>

The vibrations caused by the cart�s wobbly wheels against the ramp rattled through my legs and up my spine.

Inside the building, the cart turned a corner, guided by three pairs of human hands, and slid through an open door.

HooHoo He-YAH! He-YAH! Heeeee!

This new room was filled with other chimpanzees. All around me chimpanzees chattered wildly, screeching and jumping in cages that were mounted on the walls with thick steel braces. Clearly, they were unnerved by our intrusion.

Wheels whined against the floor as the cart stopped outside an empty cage. Two horizontal rows of four cages each lined the wall, the same one in which the door was located. Once in the cage, I would have difficulty seeing who was entering the room.

A human with a gray beard and small blue eyes referred to a chart that he had unzipped from the side of the cage. �Hello, Pumpkin. There�s a good girl. How about a treat?� He held out a cookie frosted with white icing.

I sniffed carefully. Sugar.

A delicious treat? No doubt. But was it also heart-healthy and low fat? In These Messages, everything is heart-healthy and low fat.

What would taste be like to a chimpanzee? I was certain that the chimpanzee brain wanted the cookie. Oh yes, it wanted the cookie.

I grabbed it.

The man smiled. He unlocked the cage door.

I tensed again as each of my powerfully developed muscles stiffened in readiness. I felt the chimp�s mouth stretching into the strange grimace-smile that to a chimpanzee indicates fear and displays teeth.

Teeth that were midway through munching one of the most delicious cookies I had ever tasted. In any form.

The man reached forward with sudden speed. He snapped a collar around my neck and grabbed one of my enormous hands.

No doubt the chimpanzee would have been afraid. But it was enjoying the cookie. So was the Andalite.

�Okay, Pumpkin,� the bearded man said. �Here we go.� As he swung with the arm that held mine, I found myself responding without thought. My legs pushed against the floor. My free hand clutched at the top of the cage door and pushed, too, as I vaulted toward the cage opposite me. Then I was in. Another lock clicked into place as I swallowed the last cookie crumb and sat down.

�Good girl, Pumpkin,� the man said. He handed me another cookie while the other men pushed my former cage out of the way. �Okay, let�s go for the others.�

I took a look around as the three men left to unload my friends. I appeared to be in some kind of holding room. It was covered by small white squares of a hard, somewhat shiny substance. Tiles, I believe they are called. There was a drain in the center of the floor.

Eight-human-foot-square cages lined the two longest walls, and one, about eight feet deep by fifteen feet wide, was set into the shorter wall to my right. To my left, against the other short wall, was a metal table covered with bins containing papers. Next to the table was a frosted glass door.

The big cage was empty of animal life, but held a tire swing, dull red rubber toys, and a thick rope with several knots. Someone had scribbled in bright colors on the concrete block walls.

The noise was deafening. I crouched against the back wall of my cage and covered my ears, somewhat overwhelmed. At least twenty chimpanzees were screaming and hooting, stamping their feet against the floors of their cages. I looked up as one directly opposite me took a mouthful of water from a squeeze bottle and sprayed it in my general direction.

Did they sense that I was different? That I was not quite all chimpanzee? Without really thinking about it, I jeered back in full chimpanzee screech. And then turned as the door opened again.

<I�m innocent, I tell you!> Marco cried in private thought-speak as he was wheeled into the room.

So in this chapter, Ax gets a cookie and Marco doesn't get an attorney.

Chapter 10

quote:

<The big question is still: What are we doing here?> Cassie said, when at last all of us had been brought together.

<That�s what we�ll find out. Soon as these handlers leave,> Prince Jake said.

<Ticktock,> Rachel muttered. <We�ve been in morph for a long time now.>

�Clear chimp menagerie area,� a voice said.

<Loudspeaker,> Cassie remarked. <Look at the handlers!>

The handlers were heading for the exit. They were moving quickly. Very quickly. In a hurry to be out of the room. I assumed they had somewhere else to be. The others made the same assumption.

We were all mistaken.

<Cassie. You want to demorph and bust us outta here?> Prince Jake asked. <The rest of us might as well stay in these morphs for now. Someone could come back in.>

<No problem,> Cassie said. <Then maybe Ax and Marco can get us into that computer over there. Maybe we�ll learn what this is all about.>

I had not noticed a computer. It was outside of my limited range of vision. Cassie began swiftly demorphing.

I spent the time considering what we might find in the computer. I was confident that I could easily break any Yeerk security measures. But once into the system, I still might find nothing.

I watched Cassie�s softer human features begin to emerge from the chimpanzee. Watched the fur melt and smooth out to form her own human skin. Watched her legs strengthen, her arms weaken. Chimpanzees are proof of the unpredictability of evolution. Many humans think evolution involves improvement. Of course, it does not. It merely involves survivability. Often individual capabilities are lessened in the process of moving toward a survivable species. Humans are clearly weaker than chimpanzees. But their brains are much more capable.

Well, somewhat more capable.

Cassie was entirely human when the door opened. From the first tiny noise of the handle being moved, I realized our mistake. It wasn�t that the handlers had somewhere else to be.

It was that the handlers didn�t want to be here.

And when the door opened, I saw the reason why.

If there had been any slight doubt that the laboratory was Yeerk-run, the creature who stepped through the door followed by three cringing, terrified human-Controllers put an end to it.

He stepped boldly into the room. Swaggering like the conqueror he was.

He was Andalite in form. His host body is an old Andalite warrior named Alloran-Semitur- Corrass.

But he was no longer Alloran. He was no longer an Andalite at all, except in outer form.

He was Visser Three. The Abomination. The only Andalite-Controller in the galaxy.

I leaped at the bars, unable to control the urge. Visser Three did not flinch.

<Cassie!> Rachel yelled in thought-speak directed only at us.

Cassie was farthest from the door. But in two more steps Visser Three would see her.

<Remorphing!> Cassie said. <But ->

<Distraction!> Prince Jake yelled.

Hoo-hoo-hoo! E-YAH! E-YAH!

We started screeching, but the Visser was indifferent. We were caged. We were an inferior species. The great Yeerk Visser was uninterested in us. In fact, he seemed bored. Like he was performing some tedious duty.

Of course! It was just a routine inspection. Only by monumental misfortune had we encountered him. And in two seconds that misfortune would turn fatal. We were caged! Helpless!

<Poop him!> Marco yelled suddenly.

<What?>

Marco swept his hand across the bottom of his dirty cage. He grabbed a handful of � well, of dung.

A swift, overhand throw. The � product � flew!

It hit Visser Three full in his face.

<Poop him!> Marco yelled again.

I swept my big chimpanzee hand across the cage floor and without pause threw the � items � as hard as I could, and with as great an accuracy as I could.

The result was that a large glop stuck on Visser Three�s right stalk eye.

<Yah HAH!> I cried in sheer glee.

It was an unusual tactic. A desperate tactic. But I must say it was truly satisfying.

So we've descended to poop jokes.

# ? Aug 31, 2021 03:33

GodFish: Oct 10, 2012; We're your first, last, and only line of defense. We live in secret. We exist in shadow.

And we dress in black.

This book is great.

# ? Aug 31, 2021 04:37

Fuschia tude: Dec 26, 2004; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019

Epicurius posted:

So we've descended to poop jokes.

Descended? #14 was one long poop joke.

# ? Aug 31, 2021 05:21

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

Feels kinda odd this one isn't a Cassie book.

It's also, unless I'm misremembering, the only Ax book that doesn't involve other Andalites in some way

# ? Aug 31, 2021 09:08

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Fuschia tude posted:

Descended? #14 was one long poop joke.

14 was a toilet joke. Totally different.

# ? Sep 1, 2021 03:54

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Chapter 11

quote:

The six of us hurled biological waste product. Then the genuine chimpanzees, sensing a game, joined in.

The air filled with product.

Visser Three was covered within seconds. So were his human-Controller assistants. The four of them beat a hasty retreat through the doorway.

<Now that was fun!> Rachel said happily.

Cassie was fully chimpanzee again.

The tactic had succeeded brilliantly.

Then, from beyond the door, came the thought-speak sound of Visser Three�s rage.

<Kill them all!>

I shot a look at Prince Jake.

One of the human-Controllers must have argued with the Visser.

WHAM!

The door blew open. A human-Controller landed on the floor. One of his hands had been reduced to a stump. The hand itself lay nearby.

 Visser Three raged. His voice lowered to a sinister, insinuating, false-friendly tone. <I�m here to close this facility, anyway. Phase Two is already a success. This series of tests has been superseded.>

�Y-y-y-yes, Visser!�

<So I want them all killed! Do you understand me?> he said calmly.

�Y-yes! Yes! Yes, Visser!�

<What? No argument? You don�t want to question my orders?> the Visser asked pleasantly. He arched his tail forward and almost caressed the human-Controller�s neck with the blade.

�NO! No, Visser Three. Never!�

The Visser withdrew his tail. He bent over and picked up the human-Controller�s severed hand. He looked at it with interest and then tossed it to the injured man. <Here. Reattach it. And destroy these creatures.> He turned and stalked away, but then stopped. <Bring the Taxxons in from the control room. No point wasting fresh meat.>

Visser Three disappeared. One human-Controller was holding his own hand. The other two were very pale.

Visser Three is not a leader who believes it is important to be popular with subordinates.

I'm telling you. He's a bad leader. One tip for successful supervision is not cutting the hands off people who disagree with you (although to be fair, he's giving the Taxxons a free lunch). The only thing I can think of is that Visser Three has been in the body of an Andalite so long he's forgotten other people can't just morph to automatically regrow lost limbs. So now, this guy's going to have to walk into the medical bay, carrying his own hand, and the attendant is going to look at him, roll his eyes, and say, "So, piss off Visser Three?"

One of these days, somebody's going to have to count all the lost limbs in the series, because it seems like somebody's always losing an arm or something.

Chapter 12

quote:

<That�s our signal to get outta here,> Marco said.

The human-Controllers left the room, practically knocking one another over in their haste to obey Visser Three�s orders.

<Demorph!> Prince Jake said. <Fast!>

No one needed to be told twice. The Taxxons would not take long to arrive.

I demorphed to Andalite. Cassie was already human. She kept morphing. Maybe a fly, maybe a flea, I could not be sure. I saw antennae. I saw bizarre mouth-parts. But mostly, I saw her shrink. She kept morphing only long enough to be able to squeeze between the bars.

Once out and free, she stopped her morph and quickly returned to human. She grabbed the keys and with quick, trembling hands released one Andalite and three humans. Tobias was hawk again and simply walked through the bars.

Cassie began to open the other chimpanzee cages.

�What are you doing?� Marco asked her.

�I�m letting them out. You heard what Visser Three said. They�re going to be killed.�

�All we have to do is morph to flies and go out through the door,� Marco said. �Once the Taxxons get here � I mean, no one is going to count the chimps. But if they get here and find nothing to eat, the Yeerks are going to realize they�ve been had. They�re going to know we were here.�

�You guys can go,� Cassie said. Her eyes flashed. Her jaw muscles worked. They are signs of determination in humans.

�Marco�s right,� Prince Jake said. �We can make a clean getaway. If they realize we�ve been here, they�ll be on guard at the meatpacking plant. It�ll make it harder for us.�

�Not if we stick to chimpanzee morph,� Cassie argued. �Yeah, if we went to grizzly bear and tiger and all. But what if we only do chimpanzees?�

I looked at Rachel. She smiled. �I�m in.�

�You always back Cassie,� Marco said angrily.

Rachel shook her head. �Nah. I just like the idea of the chimpanzees getting some back, you know?�

Cassie was already halfway into chimpanzee morph. Rachel was following. I waited to see what Prince Jake would do.

�So much for me being in charge,� Prince Jake muttered. Then he began to morph.

We had just all made it into chimpanzee morph when the door opened and the first Taxxon pushed his slithering bulk into the room. The needle-sharp rows of legs skittered on the tiles. The round, red mouths gaped. The row of jelly eyes glittered.

There is an Earth animal called a centipede. It is similar to a Taxxon, although a hundredth the size. And I do not believe centipedes are cannibalistic.

A Taxxon�s hunger is so great, so overpowering, that even the Yeerk in a Taxxon�s head cannot control it. A Taxxon will eat any living thing. Including another Taxxon.

Taxxons are cruel but not strong. Perhaps they would have been able to attack and kill disunited, essentially peaceful chimpanzees.

But what they faced were not chimpanzees. They faced chimpanzees animated by the will of their much more intelligent and much more violent cousins: Homo sapiens.

What awaited the Taxxons were creatures with all the tremendous strength and agility of the chimpanzee, united with all the war-making skill of humans.

�Srreeeee!� the Taxxons cried, in giddy anticipation of a meal.

�Hoo-Hoo-Hoo!� the genuine chimpanzees cried, and retreated to their cages.

But six of the chimpanzees waited calmly. They had armed themselves with a variety of weapons: a screwdriver, a chair, a computer monitor.

The lead Taxxon reared up, ready to slam its upper third down on us.

<You know, I really, really hate Taxxons,> Rachel said.

I stepped in swiftly and struck straight up with a wrench I had discovered. The Taxxon�s soft underbelly opened like a moistened paper bag.
Srrr-EEEEEEEEEE!

Rachel moved fast. She rolled in beneath the Taxxon and yanked off one of its sharp legs. Now she had a weapon.

The lead Taxxon motored its dozens of legs and tried to scramble back.

Too late. It had been injured. Its blood was flowing.

The other Taxxons surged into the cramped space and attacked their low creature. The Yeerks in their heads were no doubt doing all in their power to stop the cannibalistic massacre.

But nothing can control a Taxxon�s hunger.

Prince Jake grabbed the exterior door - the one that led out to the truck. But the door was locked from outside.

We had only one other choice.

<Let�s bail!> Tobias said. <Right over them! Into the lab!>

"Low creature" is just a really weird phrasing here, I think. Also, note, Jake handled a disagreement and even being overruled without cutting off any hands.

I'm also probably the only one, but I still feel sorry for the Taxxons. Yes, they're all a bunch of cannibalistic murderers, but there's something so pitiful about them. They're so trapped by their impulses that even Taxxon controllers can barely keep them under control.

# ? Sep 1, 2021 04:07

Crespolini: Mar 9, 2014

quote:

Taxxons are cruel but not strong. Perhaps they would have been able to attack and kill disunited, essentially peaceful chimpanzees.

But what they faced were not chimpanzees. They faced chimpanzees animated by the will of their much more intelligent and much more violent cousins: Homo sapiens.

Tragic even, to impose such cruel human instincts on the gentle chimp, who'd never tear each others genitals off in a fight for territory and then eat the others young.

# ? Sep 1, 2021 05:46

Tree Bucket: Apr 1, 2016; R.I.P.idura leucophrys

Crespolini posted:

Tragic even, to impose such cruel human instincts on the gentle chimp, who'd never tear each others genitals off in a fight for territory and then eat the others young.

What!! Next you'll be telling me that, I dunno, ducks and dolphins are gross monsters.

# ? Sep 1, 2021 06:59

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

Crespolini posted:

Tragic even, to impose such cruel human instincts on the gentle chimp, who'd never tear each others genitals off in a fight for territory and then eat the others young.

I read this a while ago and it's absolutely fascinating/horrifying:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kasakela_chimpanzee_community

Especially the notoriously aggressive alpha chimp nicknamed Frodo, which once attacked Far Side cartoonist Gary Larson (funny!) but also snatched and killed a human baby (not so funny).

# ? Sep 1, 2021 11:20

feetnotes: Jan 29, 2008

I really like how strongly Cassie and Rachel's friendship is portrayed. They're ostensibly on opposite ends of the aggression spectrum -- Rachel is of course the first to charge into a fight, while Cassie often takes these kind of strategically disadvantageous moral stands (though of course we've seen her go Pro Ice when some ruthless calls have needed to be made).

But as Marco points out, Rachel always backs Cassie up in these situations. She's always willing to support a big idealistic stand, and Marco is always the one taking the pragmatic, ruthless stand. Despite being characterized as the most warlike, Rachel is not uncaring. In fact, it's her passion for her friends and desire to protect them that often pisses her off and prompts her to charge in. And I've noticed that she seems to go hardest on the righteous anger and protective instincts when it's Cassie in trouble. Jake's her cousin, but she seems to trust leaving him to his own devices. She also clearly cares for, and is protective of, Tobias, but their relationship seems to be based more on what this war has made of them (in his case, literally) -- Tobias and Rachel would likely never get together if they just stayed regular humans. Their relationship is inherently kind of tragic, and they bond over the gradual loss of their humanity.

But Cassie and Rachel have been friends forever, and no matter how the war changes them, Rachel still loves and wants to protect her friend. I think it's really nice, and really humanizes her in a way even her other relationships don't.

As the series goes on, it's sort of implied that Rachel's "protective warrior" angle gets lost to her "berserker"/adrenaline junkie instincts, but I'm not sure how well that holds up -- as others have pointed out, from here on her books get a lot weaker. I admit it's been a while since I've read some of them, and I dropped off the series at some point before coming back for the end, so I'm interested to see how things go from here.

# ? Sep 1, 2021 17:27

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Chapter 13

quote:

We escaped. The genuine chimpanzees followed us. For a while. But they proved impossible to organize. Cassie did all she could. We all did. But the chimpanzees, while intelligent by the standards of non-human animals, are still limited.
Too limited even to grasp their own freedom.

As we raced and bounded and swung through the lab, the true chimpanzees split off, preoccupied with bright lights and shiny objects.

How can I describe what we saw as we raced through room after room looking for an exit?

Chimpanzees were not the only creatures being used for experimentation.

There were smaller monkeys. Rats. Dogs.

I soon saw why humans prefer to draw an arbitrary line between themselves and other animals. Had humans been used as these animals were used, the only appropriate descriptive word would have been torture.

Torture.

Useful, no doubt. Medically justifiable, most likely. And it is not my business to judge humans. But this behavior of theirs did trouble me.

After dark that night, I ran into the open fields to feed. The night was black. Even the lights from the neighborhood where the others lived seemed dim. Earth�s single moon was only a sliver in the sky. It was a visible difference between Earth and my home world. But I was finding that the differences I could not see mattered much more.

Andalite creatures live in greater harmony than Earth animals. I thought of the kafit birds, the hoobers, and the djabalas. We practiced morphing these creatures, but caging them, killing them, eating them was unthinkable. We were creatures of the same world.

But as Marco, or perhaps Rachel, had once said: Earth is a tough neighborhood. The competition for survival on Earth is brutal. This is a planet filled with powerful, violent predators. Predators armed with huge teeth, impervious armour, claws that could open an Andalite�s body from end to end.

And yet it is Homo sapiens, with his weak jaw and purely symbolic claws, with his soft, unarmoured flesh, who rules.

For millions of years we Andalites have not felt the pressure from other species. With our speed and our tails we are without physical peers on our home world. It is different for humans. There are parts of this planet where even today humans are prey to stronger animals.

Perhaps that explains the odd, disconnected human attitudes toward other Earth species. Some they cherish and pamper. Some they protect. Others they use. Still others are annihilated.

And yet would it not seem that they would eat the animals that threatened humans, and not the utterly inoffensive creatures like cows? We certainly didn�t choose such animals for battle morphs. And to abuse chimpanzees, animals almost identical to Homo sapiens, comes very near to a Taxxon view of morality.

<You are an alien,> I reminded myself. <And furthermore, you are a grazer by nature. Not a predator.>

I was perhaps not the person to fairly judge human habits. My understanding of human evolution was that it began with hunter-gatherers. Humans never had the option of simply grazing.

When I got back to the scoop, I turned on my TV after making a few adjustments. I stood close to change the channels, watching as colors and figures flashed by. A woman singing. A newscaster intoning that several local people had been reported missing. Teeth, and toothpaste. A cheeseburger. It looked delicious.

I turned the set off.

Wings rustled above me. Tobias was gliding in for a landing, his talons clutching a black plastic rectangle. He released it as he swept his wings forward to clutch the nearest branch.

<A present for you, Ax-man.>

I picked it up. Gray buttons in the shapes of numbers and arrows covered one side.

<What is it?>

<It�s a universal TV remote. I spotted it in a Dumpster.>

A TV remote? What was remote about it? <Thank you, Tobias. But I do not understand.>

<Turn the TV on.> He opened his wings and swooped down from the branch. <You use it to change channels. You know, so you don�t have to get off the sofa. Or, well, the ground.>

I switched on the TV and sat back in the scoop, too far to reach the set. I pointed and pushed the �up� arrow.

Images blurred and noises blended together as the remote changed the channels. Marvelous!

Much more efficient! I would expend fewer calories per channel changed. When I realized the time I could save �

<Oh, look! It is Friends!>

<Just a rerun. Um, Ax?> Tobias cocked his sleek head at me. <How did you get so many

channels? I could swear I saw MTV and CNN just now. But you don�t have cable, so �>

I glanced up from the TV set. Phoebe was playing her guitar at Central Perk. 

Tobias hopped close to the set and peeked behind it. <Oh, man. What is all this?>

<A primitive satellite receiver.>

<You made a satellite dish out of a broken radio, two old soda cans, and � what is this?> He held a piece of thick black wire in his beak.

<The wire that humans hang from limbless trees. Very convenient. I found it this evening before I fed.>

Tobias quickly dropped it. <Ah. That would explain the power outage in Jake�s neighborhood.>

<Power outage?> I was shocked. <That black wire controls the electric power?>

<When it�s not stolen for personal use, yeah.>

<Ridiculous. Why is it not better protected? And why should one small piece matter? The management of your power sources is quite primitive.>

Friends was over. But I was happy to try the remote again.

<Ax, stop! Go back!> Tobias jerked his head at the TV. I flicked back to the previous channel. � � no one was injured,� a blond woman said. Behind her a small box showed a picture of a chimp being wrestled into a cage. �The chimpanzees were finally captured shortly after six, although traffic on Broad Street was tied up for two hours while animal handlers from The Gardens attempted to catch them.�

<The chimps from the truck,> Tobias said.

<The ones we freed.> I nodded.

�No one has reported the chimps missing, but there has been a lot of speculation about where the chimps might have come from,� the woman continued. �One eyewitness reported seeing them jump from the back of a truck, but that truck has not been found.�

Tobias and I looked at each other. I turned the TV off.

<Well, at least those chimps will have better lives,> Tobias said.

<Yes.> I hesitated. <Humans are inconsistent.>

<Yeah. They are. We are. But you know what? We have to spend tomorrow observing a slaughterhouse. So how about we just chill? Let�s watch a sitcom.>

I nodded, a habit I have picked up from humans. <And some of These Messages.>

I like Ax and Tobias hanging out. As for the animal testing and Ax's observations, well....wow.

Chapter 14

quote:

Once again, while the others were in school learning history, mouth sounds, the simpler forms of mathematics, and largely incorrect science, Tobias and I flew in the skies above the meatpacking plant.

It was a rainy day, which made for difficult, unpleasant flying. And what we were required to observe was even more unpleasant.

We met the others in Cassie�s barn after they returned from school. Cassie was already at work, tending to the various sick and injured animals. Prince Jake helped her to move several cages.

Rachel flipped through a catalog. A brief book that shows humans what types of artificial skin to acquire.

Marco was working on �homework.� He looked up at Prince Jake. �Hey! Is it Molotov and von Ribbentrop or von Molotov and Ribbentrop? Or are they both von?�

�Neither,� Rachel said seriously. �It�s von Damme and von Halen.�

�That�s very funny, Rachel. Hah. Hah. And also � Hah. But what I have here is a makeup paper cubed. It�s a makeup paper for the makeup paper I was supposed to do for my first makeup paper.�

�Okay, what did you guys find?� Prince Jake asked Tobias and me.

Tobias was in the rafters, his usual place. <There�s no �u� in �Soviet,�> he said to Marco.

Marco crossed out the word and wrote it again.

To everyone, Tobias said, <Well, we found your basic meatpacking plant. Cows go in one end, hamburger comes out the other end.>

 I interrupted. <Male cows are bulls unless they have been neutered, in which case they are steer. Steer are more docile. Although this herd comprises both steer and cows.>

Everyone except Tobias stared at me.

�Say what?�

 I explained. <But what is neutering?>

�Oooh! I don�t get that channel,� Cassie said. �Ax, do you think ��

�Moving right along �� Marco said, and crossed his legs.

<One big problem,> Tobias said. <There�s no force field over the meatpacking plant ->

<It is too large an area,> I explained. <As you know, energy expenditure for a force field increases exponentially. To put it in simple terms, if a field containing ten thousand of your cubic feet uses energy denoted as x, a field containing twenty thousand of your cubic feet will not use 2x, but rather x cubed.>

�Hey!� Cassie said in alarm. �I actually understood that. I never understand his technical explanations. What�s happening to me?�

I was pleased by my success at reducing a much more complex reality to terms simple enough for my human friends to grasp.

�No force field, that�s good. So what�s the problem?� Prince Jake asked Tobias.

I answered. <Gleet BioFilters at all entrances to the meatpacking plant. As you recall, the Yeerks now use Gleet BioFilters at the entrance to Yeerk pools. They are programmed to destroy any DNA pattern other than those programmed in. At the meatpacking plant those filters eliminate all but
steer and humans.>

<We saw a lot of flies get fried,> Tobias said.

�So if we go in, we go in as cows?� Marco said. �Cows? In a slaughterhouse? Does anyone else see a problem with that? Show of hands: Who would like to be a cow in a meatpacking plant?�

<Big problem number two,> Tobias continued. <The steer are kept somewhere else. A feed-lot maybe two miles away. They load �em into a truck. Which brings us to big problem number three: The cows all have number tags like earrings. They don�t just grab a bunch of cows. They grab specific cows.>

�Sure. Inventory,� Cassie said. �They need to be able to track back on any health problems.�

Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk!

A goose began making loud, distressed noises as Cassie attempted to force a pill into its mouth.

�So what do we have? One: We need to acquire specific cows. Two: We need to get their tags off and onto us. Three: We need to get on the truck and travel two miles without having to demorph. Four: We need to get inside the meatpacking plant and avoid being turned into Salisbury steak. Five: We find out what�s going on there that has Visser Three so happy and bust it up.�

�It all sounds so simple when you put it in that nice one, two, three format,� Marco said. �You forgot six: six cows in a meatpacking plant.�

 I said. 

Marco pointed at me. �Listen to the man.�

�We don�t need to all morph cows,� Cassie said. �The Gleet BioFilter doesn�t eliminate organisms inside of other organisms.�

�Do not say the word �tapeworm,�� Rachel warned.

Cassie laughed. �No tapeworms. Flies. In the cow�s nostrils. Maybe two of us morph cows. The others go as flies. In the nostrils.�

Now everyone stared at Cassie. Including me.

�So basically, we have a choice. We can go as burgers � or boogers,� Marco said.

Prince Jake laughed. �Tonight we acquire the cows and get the tags. Tomorrow�s Saturday. We do the main action tomorrow A.M. Ax goes as burger. If he has to demorph the Yeerks will see an Andalite, not a human. Tobias is the other one. The rest of us -�

�The rest of us ride the cow booger express,� Marco said.

It's Molotov and von Ribbentrop (although von Ribbentrop wasn't originally von Ribbentrop. But he was a snob and got an aunt, who was von Ribbentrop to adopt him). More to the point, they're becoming cattle and going into a slaughterhouse, something that can never go wrong.

# ? Sep 2, 2021 03:34

Tree Bucket: Apr 1, 2016; R.I.P.idura leucophrys

Flies in the nostrils is going to end up with people being sneezed out at high speed.
Also I'm oddly happy to have the mystery of Ax's tv power supply solved!

# ? Sep 2, 2021 04:20

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

I feel like this ghostwriter has a good handle on the kids. I like it when we see them bantering, doing their homework and stuff.

quote:

Useful, no doubt. Medically justifiable, most likely. And it is not my business to judge humans. But this behavior of theirs did trouble me.

It'd be great if it turns out in the Spartan Andalite warrior culture they conduct their medical experiments on Andalites who've committed minor misdemeanours

# ? Sep 2, 2021 05:22

Fuschia tude: Dec 26, 2004; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019

freebooter posted:

I feel like this ghostwriter has a good handle on the kids. I like it when we see them bantering, doing their homework and stuff.

Wasn't Marco always the one who called him "Ax-man", though, not Tobias?

# ? Sep 2, 2021 05:33

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

Marco might have coined it but Tobias uses it too I'm pretty sure. The three of them become a sub-group of tight friends within the broader group (IIRC this is only like 50% my headcanon)

# ? Sep 2, 2021 07:20

Fuschia tude: Dec 26, 2004; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019

freebooter posted:

Marco might have coined it but Tobias uses it too I'm pretty sure. The three of them become a sub-group of tight friends within the broader group (IIRC this is only like 50% my headcanon)

Huh, no, I was way off. It was exclusively Tobias starting from Book 8, then Marco eventually starts using it. It just feels like such a Marco name and thing to do.

# ? Sep 2, 2021 07:47

GodFish: Oct 10, 2012; We're your first, last, and only line of defense. We live in secret. We exist in shadow.

And we dress in black.

Hm, is there a reason they can't go as flies in nose of real cows? Sneezes, I suppose?

# ? Sep 2, 2021 07:50

Mazerunner: Apr 22, 2010; Good Hunter, what... what is this post?

GodFish posted:

Hm, is there a reason they can't go as flies in nose of real cows? Sneezes, I suppose?

there's been a couple times where insects lack of vision has screwed them over, hasn't it? so having a few people in a morph with better senses is good

buuuut you're right, kind of seems like they decided (ie. the writer's needed the book's morph) on having cows, and then didn't really go back to reconsider that idea

# ? Sep 2, 2021 10:28

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Chapter 15

quote:

In the afternoon there was a break in the rain. But by the time darkness fell, a new weather front had moved in. Rain and lightning and thunder. It interfered with my television reception. There was a very simple technological fix for the problem. But I would have to go to the mall. To Radio Shack.

However, there was no time this night.

We flew through the cool, dark, very wet night. I was in owl morph. Owls are wonderful night fliers. But not even an owl enjoys flying through rain.

<Ah, the life of a superhero,> Marco complained. <One big party.>

<We�re almost there,> Tobias said.

<Good. I�m almost drowned.>

<What are you complaining about? It�s harder for me than it is for you,> Tobias grumbled. <I�m still a hawk. I�m not nocturnal. I�m diurnal.>

<Diurnal? Have you tried Kaopectate?>

<Marco?> Rachel said.

<Yes, Rachel.>

<Shut. Up.>

It was just the four of us. Prince Jake and Cassie had family functions of some sort to deal with. Only Tobias and I were needed to acquire the cows.
Marco and Rachel came along for extra security.

That, plus the fact that Rachel was needed to carry a piece of equipment. Her eagle morph is the largest and most powerful of all our bird morphs. But even she could barely lift the small device Cassie had found for us. The device that affixed ear tags.

Owl eyes saw through the darkness like it was day. I could see the raindrops themselves as they fell, sparkling around me. I could see the individual splashes of raindrops hitting cars and slick streets and dripping trees.

I could see humans scurrying from car to doorway, or huddling beneath primitive cover devices called umbrellas.

Humans dislike rain. I believe it is because it makes the ground slippery. When you are forever teetering wildly on two legs, you resent anything that makes it more difficult to stand.

Every few minutes there would come a huge flash of light. It would illuminate the night with bright blue light and cast deep black shadows. After the flash would, of course, come thunder. Often quite loud. Especially to an owl�s sensitive ears.

<That�s the feed lot up ahead,> Tobias announced.

My night vision was superior to his, but Tobias has experience at seeing and remembering the world from the air.

<About time,> Rachel grumbled. 

We glided in toward the muddy field. Rachel landed at the first opportunity, dropping the stapler in the mud and coming to rest on a fence. I stayed in the air. I was least tired, being in my natural element, so to speak. And my owl eyes were needed.

We had to spot particular steer from the sequence of numbers that would be called up tomorrow. Preferably the first two numbers in that sequence.

My vision was up to the task. I could see the numbers clearly. But there were a lot of steer and cows in the field. It took some time. I had to stop and demorph and remorph once, well away from the field.

But at last I found them both. They were not too far apart, fortunately.

<Over here, Tobias,> I called. <This brown one.>

<Swell,> he said. He flapped up off the fence and drifted casually over to the steer. He landed directly on the animal�s back. The steer flicked its tail. It turned its big head to look back and see what had landed on its rear. Then it went on chewing its cud.

<That was easy,> Tobias said a moment later. 

It was less easy for me. You can only acquire an animal�s DNA when you are in your normal body. That meant I had to touch the steer as an Andalite.

I thought perhaps the steer would not mind my presence. I am, after all, not a predator. I am, like them, a grazing animal. Although I graze quite differently.

<Trouble!> Tobias said suddenly. <Car lights! Coming this way.>

Can't Ax just, I dunno, head into a crowd of cattle or something? Or he's still a bird, right? Can't he just fly away and come back when this is over? Also, if you don't remember, Radio Shack had the weirdest stuff.

Chapter 16

quote:

We waited, frozen. My friends peered through the darkness. A bolt of lightning split the sky and illuminated the approaching vehicle.

<That�s a pick-up truck moving over there,> Marco said. <Looks like it�s riding around the various pastures. Or enclosures or whatever.>

<It�s so dark, what can they possibly see?> Rachel wondered.

<They could have night-vision glasses,> Marco said. <They could see plenty. Like, say, an Andalite.>

 I suggested.

<Give it a try,> Rachel said.

I landed near a knot of steer. They were standing around, making lowing sounds from time to time. They were indifferent to the presence of an owl in their midst.

I focused my thoughts on demorphing. Within seconds I was rising from the muddy, cow-fecesstrewn ground. Up and up I grew. My feathers gave way to sleek blue fur. My stalk eyes re-emerged, much to my relief. It is wonderful to have an owl�s night vision. But nerve-wracking to be unable to see in all directions at once. It�s like being half-blind.

For a moment I thought the steer might panic. They did not. However, they did decide to move away from me. I tried to stay with them - not an easy thing to do with two tiny legs sticking out of your chest, and your hind legs nothing but large talons.

I staggered and fell faced down in the mud. Lightning flashed. Thunder exploded. And I heard Marco say, <That truck may be heading this way. Hard to tell. All I see is the headlights.>

I continued demorphing. At this point it was more advisable to complete the morph and become fully Andalite. As an Andalite I might conceivably pass as a steer. But in my present condition I could be nothing but some horrid genetic mutation.

As I picked myself up out of the mud, I, too, could see the headlights illuminating rain that had begun to diminish.

I hugged my arms to my body. I tucked my tail down along my back, which enlarged my profile. I bent my head forward, doing my best to simulate a steer�s head. I even twisted my stalks forward to simulate horns.

It was not a bad deception, all in all. I was proud of myself. But also just a bit embarrassed.

Steer are clearly not sentient animals. My ability to pass as one merely amused Marco.

<Hey, Ax, why is it when I look at you I start thinking about special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions on a sesame seed bun?>

<Here comes the truck,> Rachel warned. <Look steerlike.>

I did my best. I kept my profile turned to the road. I looked most cowlike from that angle.

Then �

<It�s stopping!> Rachel cried.

<Ax-man, guys are getting out of the truck!>

 Marco said tersely. <But � well � I do see beer bottles.>

<It�s a bunch of college kids!>

I could hear loud, almost-hysterical giggles. And now I could see the humans, four of them, attempting to climb the fence into the field. One fell down in the mud. The others all laughed.

<They are faced,> Marco said. <What�s this about? These aren�t security guys. Not unless the Yeerks have gotten really laid-back.>

The four young males staggered and wallowed and half-crawled out onto the field. One of them made a lunge for a steer. He missed and fell. He lay on his back, unmoving.

The other three headed toward me.

If I moved I would not move like a steer. My best plan would be to remain motionless. The humans were quite likely to pass me by.

But that hope did not last long. The humans came for me. They weaved and wandered, but the essential thrust of their digressions was toward me.

<What should I do?> I asked the others. <Is this an attack?>

 Tobias said. <In fact, I think I know what they�re up to. It�s called cow-tipping.>

<Of course!> Marco said. <Cow-tipping. It�s like a dumb fraternity thing.>

<Kindly explain this cow-tipping,> I asked.

<Well � well, basically you go out in a field and push a cow over.>

<Why?>

 Marco admitted. <But it generally involves being profoundly drunk.>

<Why?>

<Because it�s too idiotic to do sober,> Rachel said, exasperated. <Perfect! We don�t have enough bull to deal with, now we have drunk, stupid frat guys.>

<They will reach me in a few seconds,> I said.

<Use your tail. Cut their heads off,> Rachel said disgustedly. <They�ll be no loss. Besides, these jerks are driving.>

<Remove their heads?>

<She�s kidding!> Tobias said.

<Perhaps I could so something less drastic,> I suggested.

The three inebriated humans came close and stopped. Even stopped, they continued to move in a weaving, waving pattern, as though they were being blown by a very strong wind.

�That�s a weird-looking cow, dude,� one of the humans said.

�Cow? That�s no cow, man, unless I�m really-�

Fwapp!

Fwapp!

Fwapp!

I snapped my tail three times.

Shlump! Shlump! Shlump!

<What did you do?!> Marco cried.

 I explained. 

 Rachel said with a laugh. <Okay, Ax. Acquire some beef and let�s haul.>

<Yes. I would like to make it home in time to watch The Brady Bunch. It is a story. About a lovely lady. Who was bringing up three very lovely girls.>

This is the closest the book comes to saying shitfaced, btw. I doubt it could get past the Scholastic censors.

Also, apparently cowtipping is a myth. Everybody's heard about it, including the idea that a cow on its side can't get up, but it's not true. Cows are pretty strong, and unless you have help, you're not going to push the cow over unless it wants to be pushed over. Plus, the cow can just get up, and then you have an annoyed cow on your hands.

# ? Sep 3, 2021 03:05

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Chapter 17

quote:

The next day I performed the morning ritual solemnly. I repeated the words that spoke of freedom, duty, and obedience, spreading my arms and bowing at the appropriate times.

<The destruction of my enemies, my most solemn vow.> I straightened up and assumed the fighting stance.

<I, Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, Andalite warrior-cadet, offer my life.> I drew my tail blade against my throat, then relaxed it. I was done.

As it was designed to do, the ritual gave me strength of purpose that morning. Even here on Earth I was serving my people. Andalites and humans.

<Ready?> Tobias asked as he coasted down out of a perfect blue sky. The rain had blown away in the night. The morning was the type of weather that humans consider perfect: warm but not too warm, a few white clouds, but not enough to obscure the sun.

<Yes, I am ready.>

<Maybe I need a morning ritual,> Tobias suggested. 

<My morning ritual is imposed on me by my society,> I pointed out. <Your society - human society - does not impose a similar requirement.>

<Unless you consider drinking coffee and scarfing a toaster strudel a ritual.>



<Who and who and who?>

<They are the humans who appear regularly on the Today show,> I explained.

<Uh-huh. I haven�t caught that lately.>

<They are taking an in-depth look at exercises to trim the fat from problem areas such as thighs, upper arms, and hips.>

I began to morph to harrier. Minutes later I was flying.

I fly often. But I have never come to see it as normal. Walking like a human is merely tedious and annoying. But flying like a hawk is the most wonderful experience imaginable.

I opened my wings, flapped them up and down, tucked my talons up beneath me, and spread my tail to increase my lift. Suddenly I was no longer tied to the ground.

We flew along the treetops till we found a thermal. A thermal is a pillar of warm air that rises from heated ground. It fills your wings and lifts you almost effortlessly.

We rose to a hundred feet, high enough to escape the notice of most humans on the ground. And we flew toward a meeting with the others at the feedlot.

It was a much more pleasurable flight than the earlier one. Now I could see to put the feedlot in context. Human habitations tend to cluster in ever-tighter proximity. The tightest clusters are called cities. As one moves out from this tight center, wider spaces appear. These are suburbs. Beyond the suburbs the spaces grow, until soon open fields are more prevalent than dwellings.

According to Marco, this is known as �Gooberville� or �The Middle of Nowhere.� The feedlot was at the vague border of the suburbs and Gooberville.

I saw a number of other birds of prey in the sky ahead. They were spread far apart and at different altitudes. I spotted Rachel first, with her huge eagle wingspread. Prince Jake, in his peregrine falcon morph, was the smallest, but also the fastest.

We spiraled down to the field. Our plan was simple. We had used the stapler to remove ear tags from the two relevant steer the night before. We now had the tags. Tobias and I were to morph the steer and Cassie would affix the ear tags. We had left the stapler at the site.

A simple plan.

Or so we thought.

There's the necessary thermal talk. This is an official Animorphs book. In more seriousness, I feel like there's something I want to say about Ax and the ritual (which we've seen before), but I don't know what. Maybe in this case it's actually about Tobias and his desire for rituals. The forming of rituals is something that pretty much every human culture has, and it would make sense that the Andalites would have it too. The idea behind it is setting apart a moment or area that you sanctify, that's made holy through the ritual, even if it means you miss part of the Today Show. While Ax is right that human cultures in general don't have the same sort of morning ritual that he does. He's wrong that humans don't have morning rituals. Muslims pray at dawn. Jews pray in the morning as soon as they get up. Christianity has the Liturgy of the Hours, which includes a dawn and a midmorning prayer. For that matter, as much as Tobias dismisses the idea of drinking coffee in the morning as a ritual, I think for some people it very much is. Rituals don't have to be explicitly religious, and I know people who every morning at the same time without fail drink their morning cup of coffee. i know I do. How about you? If you feel like sharing, what rituals are important in your life? What do you "set apart" from your ordinary life? What do you do that gives you strength of purpose?

Chapter 18

quote:

Tobias and I had the easy part, really. We picked out a cluster of steer and landed in the mud between them. The steer showed no interest in us. Prince Jake stayed in the air overhead, keeping watch. Cassie and Rachel and Marco landed in various areas outside the lot, fairly distant from one another so that we didn�t look like a suspicious collection of birds of prey.

<Me first,> Tobias said. <That way I can cover you.>

I concentrated on not being trampled by the slow-moving steer as Tobias began his morph.

Morphing is never predictable. It does not always follow a logical course. Different parts morph at different speeds, in different sequences.

In this case, it was the cow head that began to appear first. It was, to say the very least, bizarre. Tobias�s short, hooked beak softened and began to extrude. It grew out as it grew flabby. Soon it was nothing more than loose flaps of unsupported skin. The skin was still covered with brown feathers.

Tobias�s own furious hawk eyes widened and rounded and seemed to fill with moisture. They no longer looked fierce. They looked � well, stupid.

He began to grow all over, but still the feathers persisted for a long time, only melting into short brown fur at the last moment.

His hooves appeared, almost complete, at the end of his tiny hawk legs. His wing tips began to curl and harden and form hooves as well. Only then did his wings stretch into steer legs.

But at last he was fully formed. Fully formed and quite large. And seemingly agitated.

<Tobias? You are in danger of stepping on me.>

<Sorry � I � I don�t know, I just feel kind of antsy, you know? Restless. Like I�m annoyed. Like I�m looking for trouble.>

<Are you finding the steer instincts difficult to control?> I asked.

<Not difficult. Just caught me by surprise. I assumed steer morph would be pretty laid-back. Anyway � your turn.>

Of course, I had two changes to make, not one. First I had to demorph to Andalite. Once again, the steer began to move away, depriving me of cover. But Tobias snorted at them and took a little trot around the edge of the knot of steer. After that they stayed still.

It was odd. It was as if the steer were afraid of Tobias. Or at least deferential. It should have been a clue that we had a problem. But I was insufficiently familiar with cows and steer to realize what had happened.

<Truck�s coming,> Jake reported. <Still on the main road, but let�s pick it up.>

Cassie began crossing the field toward us. This was dangerous, of course. Humans are expected to wear certain artificial skin for certain occasions. And Cassie�s morphing suit was not appropriate for this occasion. She was barefoot and wearing only a simple but brightly colored skintight �outfit.�

�Barefoot black chick in Day-Glo spandex stomping through the cow pies,� Cassie had said. �That�ll be real smooth.�

I became fully Andalite, keeping my upper body ducked down behind Tobias�s bulk.

The change was far less severe than many I have endured. I began with four hooved legs, and I ended with four hooved legs. I doubled, if not tripled, in weight, but my basic body configuration was not radically altered.

There were still changes, though. A cow tail is not at all like an Andalite tail. A cow tail is no danger to anyone.

And of course, my arms disappeared, shriveling and withering until they seemed to suck into my body.

I acquired a mouth. A very large mouth. And very large nostrils. And big, vacuous, moist, dark eyes.

There was nothing exceptional about the steer senses. Its sense of smell was good, but, from what I understand, nothing like the intensity of a canine�s sense of smell. Its hearing and sight were fair, but less acute than a human�s.

The single oddest fact was that my eyes were separated by an enormous face that dominated my field of vision. I could see to the left and to the right. But most of �straight ahead� was filled with my own long muzzle.

But Tobias was wrong. There was nothing agitated or restless about this morph. On the contrary

it was very -

<Um � Ax-man? I think you messed up. You�re a cow.>

<No, I am a steer.>

<No, you�re a cow. You have an udder. You acquired the wrong kind of cow!>

<Oh.>

I demorphed. I acquired a steer. This time I checked. I morphed again. And now I learned Tobias had been correct. The steer�s mind was not docile. Not passive. In fact � I was angry. And with very good reason: There was a bull nearby.

There was also a human, but she did not matter.

I glared at the bull.

He glared at me.

I snorted and pawed the ground.

It was like watching myself in a mirror. The bull did the same.

It was unavoidable. This pasture only had room for one of us. I would have to attack him and force him to run away.

<Cassie!> I heard Prince Jake call down from high above. <They look like they�re squaring off to fight.>

�Uh-oh,� Cassie said.

So any guesses why they're acting like that? We'll find out in the next chapter, but what did the Animorphs do wrong?

# ? Sep 4, 2021 05:52

HIJK: Nov 25, 2012; in the room where you sleep

I'm guessing the morphing process gave them bull testicles and they are not gelded like steer.

Wrt my morning rituals, I don't really have any. I do have a night time ritual where I consider the people I met today and try to beam good vibes to them before turning in.

# ? Sep 4, 2021 06:00

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Chapter 19

quote:

�Ax! Tobias!� Cassie hissed. �Chill!�

The short human girl kept moving toward us, positioning herself between me and the bull. And now it occurred to me that maybe I should charge her, too.

�Nice cows. Good cows. Gooooood cows,� Cassie said in a strangely soothing voice. �Listen to me, guys. We overlooked a little something. You�re not steer. You�re bulls.�

Prince Jake plummeted, then swooped a few feet off the ground, circled, and came back toward us.

<They look different than the other steer,> he said.

�They are,� Cassie said in her sweet, soft, talking-to-dangerous-animals voice. �We kind of forgot something. We kind of forgot that you get to be a nice, docile steer by being neutered. But your DNA is still bull DNA.�

<Oh. That�s what�s different,> Prince Jake said.

What were they talking about? Confusing. Distracting. But the other bull was still there. Still in my pasture. I snorted. He snorted.

I could feel energy quivering through me. I was alive! Ready to charge. Ready to lower my head, dig in my hooves, and launch myself headlong.

�Boys. Ax. Tobias. Listen to me. You are not steer. You are bulls. Bulls are very territorial. You want to fight right now. But that would be a bad idea. A very bad idea.�

Prince Jake had swept past and soared back up into the sky. <Cassie! The truck�s on the move!>

Cassie nodded. �Okay, it�s time for peace here. Arabs and Israelis. Americans and Russians. We do this by stages.�

I heard her. I understood her. But I was not interested. I was interested in the fact, the OVERWHELMING fact that there was a bull right in front of me, defying me!

�Ax. Tobias. Each of you take one step back.�

<Cassie, you may need to bail!>

Cassie shook her head impatiently. �Come on, good boys, good bulls, one step back. Come on � one step back. One step back.�

<They�re going to spot you, Cassie! Too late to get away. You need to drop and morph!>

�Ax? Tobias?� Cassie said sweetly, calmly, pleasantly. �I � said � BACK UP!�

The other bull and I both jerked straight back.

<Okay, Rachel, Marco, get ready! This is going to be close.>

Cassie grabbed my horns in her hands and stared right into one of my eyes. �I don�t have time for this crap. We have enough trouble. Get control. Do it now.� She whipped up her handheld stapler. She poked the ear tag into the end of the gun and I heard a loud click in my ear. There was a slight, distant sensation of being stuck with something sharp.

Then she swung around and grabbed Tobias the same way. Within seconds we were both tagged. And both able to accept the other�s existence.
Almost.

Prince Jake dropped from the sky again. He landed, as Tobias and I had done earlier, between steer. <Cassie! Morph! Those guys are here.>

�We have a problem here,� Cassie said. �They aren�t exactly steer.�

<Do you think the truck drivers will notice?>

�Excuse me? Of course they�ll notice! They may be Controllers, but their human hosts are most likely farm folk.�

<What do we do? Don�t they ever send bulls to the slaughterhouse?>

�Yeah. They do, so maybe if we get there we�re okay. But how do we get past these guys in the truck? They�ll call in to be sure they�re supposed to carry bulls. They�ll be mad because bulls are dangerous. They�ll realize something is wrong. Ear tag or no ear tag.�

<We�ve gone to too much trouble,> Prince Jake said bitterly. 

For a long moment no one moved, and no one said anything. Then Prince Jake said something that even I found frightening.

<Marco? Think you can drive their truck?>

Yep. As HIJK figured, morphing gave them testicles. When you acquire an animal, you get its DNA, which means you don't get any injuries they have. Also, we might be getting Marco driving, which is always a bad idea.

Chapter 20

quote:

The truck came. It rolled right out into the mud. Two humans climbed down.

�Hey! That�s no steer,� the driver said.

His partner nodded. �That sure ain�t no steer.�

<And I�m definitely not a steer,> Marco said. He stood up from behind the camouflage provided by Tobias and me.

�That�s a gorilla!�

�Fool! It�s an Andalite in morph!�

The two men turned to run. They did not get far. At last I had a target for my bull aggression. I loped easily after them. I lowered my head, aligned my curved horns, and struck one, and then the other in the area humans refer to as �the butt.�

They flew several feet and landed on their faces. Marco yanked them up out of the mud.

<Go to sleep,> Marco said as he butted their heads together.

The humans were rendered unconscious.

<How do we make sure they stay out long enough?>

<Take their clothes. That�ll slow them down,> Prince Jake said. <I�ll demorph. I�m biggest. I should look okay in that guy�s jeans and jacket. Marco drives�>

<How come Marco drives?> Rachel demanded.

<He has experience.>

�Oh, man, don�t even mention that,� Cassie said. �My dad cried over the twisted remains of that truck.�

<I�ll ride shotgun and carry the guy�s clipboard,> Prince Jake continued. <Tobias and Ax? See what you can do to persuade some of these steer to get aboard the truck.>

That part proved easy. The steer were nervous about Tobias and me. They were quite content to move away from us, even if that meant climbing a ramp into the back of a truck.

Tobias and I entered last. Cassie and Rachel morphed to flies and made their bobbling, erratic way to perches in our noses. Rachel was with Tobias, Cassie with me.

Marco squeezed his huge gorilla bulk into a denim jacket and pants. Shoes were, of course, an impossibility, given the size of his feet.

Jake�s own artificial skin was overly large. But he, at least, was human. He donned a hat - a head covering - and pulled it low to obscure his features.

<Oh yeah, this�ll work,> Rachel said in that tone I recognized as sarcasm. <A gorilla wearing some hideous Levi�s leisure suit and a kid who looks like he�s wearing his dad�s clothes, delivering a pair of bulls to a Yeerk meatpacking plant. Nothing weird there.>

<He has to go in gorilla morph,> Cassie said. <The seat�s jammed back and he can�t reach the pedals.>

<Everyone ready?> Marco asked brightly. <Everyone have a seat belt on? Anyone have to pee before we leave? Go now. I�m not going to stop at every Stuckeys we pass.>

I felt a sudden lurch. The truck moved. Backward. Then stopped. A second lurch. The engine roared but the truck did not move. The sound I heard suggested metal grinding on metal.

<Oh yeah,> Marco said. <Clutch. Forgot about that. I mean, who has a standard transmission nowadays?>

Prince Jake must have said something. Because then Marco said, <Hey, no one is going to die on the way there. I�ll get us all there. Everyone will still be available to die when we get there.>

<That�s comforting,> Tobias grumbled.

More loud grinding. Suddenly we were propelled forward. All the steer staggered. We lurched and rolled across the field and Marco said, <Hah! See? No problemo.>

<Let�s see how you do out on the road,> Tobias said.

I heard a loud crunching sound. <What was that?> I asked.

<Fence,> Marco said.

A few seconds later, a very similar sound.

<More fence, okay?> Marco said. <Everyone just shut up, I have it under control.>

Off we went, down the road. I had a very limited exterior view out of the right-hand side. I saw trees flash by. I saw more fields with more cows. I saw a pick up truck, with its horn blaring and its driver forming a sort of salute with one raised finger.

It occurred to me that oncoming vehicles should not be passing by on the right.

<Hey, that guy gave me the finger!>

<Some people take it personally when you nearly run them down,> Tobias said. <Some people have no sense of humor.>

I could see the long, low building that was the meatpacking plant, we were getting close. I felt a rush of excitement.

<Almost there,> Marco reported. <There�s the road. Just need to turn � Just need to �> Suddenly the truck swerved wildly. I - and every other animal in the back - fell left.

Thousands of pounds of steer weight had just shifted to the left side of the truck. Just as the truck was teetering left, anyway.

<Ahhhh!> Marco cried.

All a remarkable bad idea.

# ? Sep 5, 2021 04:51

Fuschia tude: Dec 26, 2004; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019

Epicurius posted:

Chapter 20

quote:
�Oh, man, don�t even mention that,� Cassie said. �My dad cried over the twisted remains of that truck.�

Huh. I think that's the first time a side book has been referenced in the main series. Even the Chronicles books' connections have been more elliptical and implied (and their revelations duplicated) in their respective connected main-series books.

# ? Sep 5, 2021 08:35

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Fuschia tude posted:

Huh. I think that's the first time a side book has been referenced in the main series. Even the Chronicles books' connections have been more elliptical and implied (and their revelations duplicated) in their respective connected main-series books.

Toby the Hork-Bajir seer is first introduced in the Hork-Bajir Chronicles (although without playing a major role there), and I think dinosaur morphing was mentioned in the Cassie book following In the Time of the Dinosaurs, but other than maybe that, you're right.

# ? Sep 5, 2021 16:02

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Chapter 21

quote:

<Aaaahhhhh!>

The truck was no longer moving on multiple wheels arrayed along both sides. It was crazily tipped to the left, moving solely on the wheels of one side.

<Aaaaahhhhh!>

Bull and steer, we were all shoved to one side, piled against one another. The floor of the truck bed tilted up and away at an absurd angle.

We were going to tip over!

And yet � the truck kept moving. On the wheels of one side, tilted almost on its side, it kept moving!

And slowly � slowly � so � slowly � the angle diminished. We tilted back to the right. Then

�

WHAM!

The truck settled back onto all its wheels.

THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP.

The steer, Tobias, and I all fell over to the right. The truck now tilted to the right, but not nearly as far. WHAM!

The truck settled again, and we blew down the road toward the meatpacking plant.

<Bond,> Marco said. <James Bond.>

Scrrrrreeeeeee!

Marco hit the brakes and the truck came slithering and fishtailing to a stop at the gate of the meatpacking plant.

Now that the cargo had been reshuffled, I had a better, clearer view out the left side of the truck.

I could see two armed guards approaching the cab. They seemed somewhat disturbed. Possibly awed. Possibly admiring. Possibly frightened.

It is sometimes hard to decipher human facial expressions.

�What are you, crazy?� one guard shouted.

�Bad shocks, man,� Marco said in a low, guttural, muddy voice.

I was startled to hear him make mouth sounds. He must have partially demorphed to human. Just human enough to pass.

�Bad shocks! What are you, nuts? You should be locked up! You should be in a rubber room!�

�Here, just sign off on the manifest,� Prince Jake said, trying to lower his own voice.

�You�re cleared,� the second guard said. �Just let us know when you�re gonna leave, so we can stay out of your way.�

<Oh goody, they�re letting us in,> Tobias said darkly.

Marco segued back into gorilla morph as soon as the guards stepped back. he said. Then, in obvious reply to Prince Jake, <Sure, I can back up to the ramp. Why wouldn�t I be able to back up?>

<Oh, man, this is going to be ugly,> Rachel said, speaking from Tobias�s nostril.

The truck jerked forward, stopped. Jerked forward again. Stopped. Grind! Lurched into reverse.

Stopped. Grind! Lurched. Stopped. Forward. Lurch. Backward. Stop. Grind! Lurch. Forward. Stop. <I�ve heard of a three-point turn,> Cassie said. 

Lurch. Backward.

WHAM!

Every steer lurched backward with the impact. <All right, we�re there,> Marco announced.

<These cows are going to be looking forward to a nice, easy death after this ride,> Rachel said.

<Tobias? Sneeze and blow Rachel a few hundred feet.>

I saw a large man jump down off the platform and come running around to the front of the truck. He was yelling. �Where did you learn how to drive, you moron? I�m gonna kick � hey! Where�s the driver?�

<We�ve morphed to flies,> Prince Jake informed us. <Coming back around.>

 Marco said.

<Tobias and Ax? Toss your heads a little. We want the right nostril.>

With a startlingly loud noise, the back gate of the truck swung open. The large man and a very thin man were conferring.

�I have never seen driving like that! No wonder the driver took off. He must have been drunk.

He must be a lunatic!�

�Hey! Those are bulls!�

�Well, I�ll be a � transported like this? This really is nuts!�

The skinny man narrowed his eyes suspiciously. �Andalite bandits?�

The large man laughed. �I think an Andalite could figure out how to drive a truck. Besides, even an Andalite isn�t stupid enough to morph a steer or even a bull and walk into a slaughterhouse. They�d have to be idiots.�

<Could not have said it better myself,> Marco muttered.

From the building, awful smells reached my nostrils: blood. Manure. Blood. Biological rot. And more blood.

And more blood

Honestly, I agree with the Yeerks here. This is way too dumb to be enemy actions. Besides, we know from the Andalite Chronicles that Andalites can learn how to drive.

Chapter 22

quote:

Down a narrow chute we went. Three steers moved ahead. Then me. Tobias was behind me.

Over the mouth of the chute was an arch. The Gleet BioFilter.

The first steer reached it. I saw a flash of light, followed by a faint sizzling sound. I could not see them from this angle, but I was sure a number of fleas, flies, lice, and assorted other small creatures had been killed.

<Get as far into our nostrils as you can,> I instructed my friends in fly morph.

<I�m in so far I can see your brain,> Marco said.

<That is highly unlikely.>

I reached the BioFilter. I felt a slight tingle, like static electricity. Then I was through.

<Marco? Cassie?>

<We�re fine,> Cassie said. <But it�s good to get deep. I saw a real fly get zapped for being too close to the outside.>

<We�re still here, enjoying our little field trip in Cow Nose Caverns,> Marco reported.

<Okay, everyone get ready,> Prince Jake said. <This isn�t going to be pretty if we�re too slow.> A moment later, Rachel reported, <We�re through!>

<Hit it!> Jake said.

I felt a tickle as Marco and Cassie exited from my nostrils. Four nearly invisible flies disappeared quickly from view. Leaving Tobias and me alone.

Very, very alone.

<So,> Tobias said. <Seen anything good on TV lately?>

<Are you attempting to distract us from our fear by engaging in irrelevant conversation?>

<Yeah.>

<In that case, I did enjoy watching The Simpsons. I assume that they do not represent some variant species of humans but are in fact humorous pictorial exaggerations of humans?>

<Yeah. They�re cartoons.>

<Cartoons, yes. They seemed to be related to humans but lacked a sufficient number of fingers.>

<Oh, God!>

<What?>

<Look! Look!>

I looked up. I could not see directly in front of me because other cattle were blocking my view.

But as the chute turned a corner I saw a horrific vision: dozens of cows hanging by their rear legs. They seemed almost to be flying. Flying as they were carried along by an overhead conveyor belt. Flying and no longer alive.

It was a bewildering scene. A confusing assembly line, full of separate events and actions.

Cows are not highly intelligent animals. An intelligent animal, smelling the blood, catching this brief glimpse of the future, would have bolted, kicked, fought.

But no, maybe that is not true, either. Maybe an intelligent animal would understand that it was doomed and attempt to face the inevitable calmly.

In any event, neither Tobias nor I were cows. And neither of us was intellectually impaired.

<Forget this!> Tobias said.

<We must wait for the others to return,> I managed to say.

One noise was louder than the others. And getting nearer all the time. It was straight ahead. I craned my neck. I was taller than the steer ahead of me.
I looked past him, and at first did not understand what I was seeing. The lead steer came up to a place where pneumatic forces pushed the sides of the chute in, locking the animal in place.

A man, acting with practiced ease, whipped shackles around the back legs.

A second man held a large tool against the head of the steer. The tool had a cylinder on top.

He squeezed a trigger.

BANG!

The tool jerked. The steer fell. In its forehead was a hole.

Instantly it was jerked into the air by its legs.

I counted two more steer between me and the killing gun.

I have faced death in battle. But never as a dumb beast going to slaughter.

 I said. <Let�s get out of here.>

Yep, really dumb plan.

# ? Sep 6, 2021 05:16

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

In fairness Elfangor had a big wide alien desert to burn around in. He'd probably also suck at reversing a truck up to a loading dock. I would suck at that.

# ? Sep 6, 2021 05:24

HIJK: Nov 25, 2012; in the room where you sleep

oh boy here we go
drums on the table top

e: oh yeah I had a dream last night about this thread. I dreamed that I was watching Ax in bull morph wander around a saloon for some reason, trying to walk through the halls and not get his horns stuck on anything. He was arguing with Marco because there was a human girl that had figured him out but wasn't a Controller. Followed him like it was a tv show and I know he got into some hijinks but I don't recall what they were now. When he was finished he declared the mission over and climbed into the back of a horse trailer. The entire time I was thinking "but this isn't how it went in the book." Everything was brown colored, including the dust in the air.

I was confused when I woke up and for a few minutes I was second guessing my own memory of this installment.

HIJK fucked around with this message at 06:17 on Sep 6, 2021

# ? Sep 6, 2021 05:35

FlocksOfMice: Feb 3, 2009

Oh my God this is the worst plan they've ever had

# ? Sep 6, 2021 07:30

Fuschia tude: Dec 26, 2004; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019

Epicurius posted:

Yep, really dumb plan.

Huh. This is another one of those books that I don't remember any of these events from, and can't believe I read it, since you'd think some of this stuff would stick in the brain, but nope... and yet I own it.

Maybe I was put off by the agenda other people here have mentioned, which while not quite explicit in the book is pretty clearly extant, yeah.

I kinda see what that one poster said, about this feeling more like a Cassie book. But I don't really mind having one of her books from a different character's POV, especially the extreme outsider character's viewpoint. It's good sometimes to have an analysis of a character from the outside rather than the inside.

# ? Sep 6, 2021 07:39

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Chapter 23

quote:

I began to demorph.

No time!

BANG!

Another steer died.

I refused to move forward.

�What do they expect, sending bulls?� a man grumbled. He stepped over to me. He was carrying a tube with two small prongs on the end. He jammed the tube a -

Zzzzapppp!

<Aarrgghh!>

The pain was incredible. I moved forward without intending to. Closer!

I had stopped demorphing.

<Morph!> I screamed at myself.

BANG!

The last steer ahead of me died. I resisted again. No! No! No!

I dug in my hooves. But now I was demorphing, and from the big bull hooves my own more delicate hooves were emerging. I could barely support my own weight. The man with the shackles would see that � But it would be too late!

Zzzzaaapppp!

Zzzzaaapppp!

The man with the stick rammed it twice. Once in my rump. Then low, under my belly.

The pain!

<Ax!> Tobias cried.

I staggered. But I staggered � forward!

My head was clearing slowly.

Fooosh!

The sides of the chute pressed in, holding me tight, immobile.

Morph! Morph! Morph!

<Ax!> Tobias cried. <Ax! AX!>

My eyes watered. My head was swimming. I was confused, lost, dazed.

I looked to my right. The tool was coming for me. Coming straight toward me. I could see the man�s finger on the trigger.

Then � a new form. Large � brown � looming up behind the man �

<Hey, buddy! Take the rest of the day off,> Rachel said. She swung one massive grizzly bear paw.

The man with the killing tool dropped like one of the steer.

<Cutting it kind of close, aren�t you?!> Tobias demanded angrily.

<Sorry,> Rachel said.

I realized I was shaking. Trembling.

Other humans were running now. Many running away. Some running toward us. Toward the bear. I could not stop trembling. Could not stop the shaking. I was demorphing and shaking.

But even so, I noted the humans who were heading toward the bear, not away.

Controllers, of course. Normal humans would seek to escape. The Controllers among them knew the significance of the bear. They knew - or thought they knew - that it was an Andalite in morph.

Dozens left their stations, grabbed long knives, grabbed powered saws, and came for us.

<So much for anything subtle,> Rachel said. <It�s going to get hairy.>

She grabbed the sides of the chute with her two front paws and pulled. The wood ripped away easily. I pushed through and out and away.

And just then, my own stalk eyes began to function and I could look back and see my own tail.

My own fast, deadly, accurate tail.

I was a grazing animal, like the ones who were fed to this killing place. But I was not a cow.

<Watch out, that guy has a chain saw!> Tobias yelled.

A human-Controller rushed at me with a long, powered saw. The saw screamed.

FWAPP!

Now the human-Controller screamed.

<He no longer has a chain saw,> I said.

One thing Ax is good at is cutting off limbs. He's an expert there. Honestly, how could they even think this was a good idea?

Chapter 24

quote:

<Come on, follow me,> Rachel said. <The others are in trouble. I just came to get you guys.>

<Well, there was no need to rush,> Tobias said. <You could have waited, oh, about another millisecond!>

<Hey, I said I was sorry.>

<Which way?> Tobias demanded.

<Far corner, over there,> Rachel said. <Go! Ax and I will catch up.>

Tobias was hawk once more. He flapped and took off, swerving and dodging through skinned, gutted carcasses. Rachel and I took the slower route: through the human-Controllers and their knives.

We try never to kill any Controller. And humans, in particular, since my human friends have a certain sentimental fondness for others of their own species.

So we were careful. We were restrained. I applied my tail blade with restraint.

But it was difficult. I had been badly frightened. As frightened as I have ever been. And irrational as it might be, I resented the human-Controllers who were even now attempting to butcher me.

We forced our way through the human-Controllers. Forced our way as dripping carcasses floated above us on the conveyor. My hooves scrabbled over spilled entrails.

What we found at the far end of the blood-soaked slaughtering floor was another battle.

Prince Jake in tiger morph. Cassie in wolf morph. Marco in gorilla morph. Tobias, wheeling and plunging to rip and tear.

They were surrounded, cut off, hemmed in by a growing army of human-Controllers.

And worse: Hork-Bajir were pouring into the battle from two directions.

Prince Jake�s back was to a closed door. He was roaring and slashing and using his powerful jaws, but the situation was desperate.

They were hemmed in. Cornered. Trapped.

Rachel and I might be able to join them, but then we would be in the same trap.

<Jake! The door behind you!> Rachel cried.

<Can�t get it open. We need more muscle! Hurry!>

Rachel turned her huge, shaggy grizzly bear head to me, even as she swatted a human-Controller with a backhand that sent him flying.

<Well, Ax, all we have to do is go through about fifty Hork-Bajir, bust down that door, and find a way out of this hellhole.>

<Yes,> I agreed. <Let us begin.>

Rachel dropped to all fours. She let loose a hoarse roar and charged.

No Andalite accustomed to our more pacific animal life could possibly understand what a grizzly bear charge means. Even most humans would fail to imagine it.

Grizzly bears are not lithe and graceful like the big cats. They are more like dogs. They move with a rolling, lopsided gait that at first seems almost tentative, as if they might stop at any moment.

But then you begin to realize how large they are. And you begin to realize that, awkward or not, they are very fast. And you begin to realize that you are puny, pathetic, weak, and insignificant. You begin to realize that this bear, this rolling, shaggy, unstoppable monster, can kill you from the mere impact of his shoulder hitting you.

I saw all of this on the faces of the human-Controllers before us. Saw their indifference become concern and turn to terror and panic, all in seconds, as Rachel charged.

HHHHHHHROOOOARRRHHHH!

�Run!� many voices agreed.

�Stand fast! Don�t run!� one man cried. He planted himself before Rachel. He stood firm. For approximately one and one half seconds.

Then he ran. As Rachel barreled past him he swiped at her with a knife. The knife sliced at fur.

He might as well have been swatting at an Andalite Dome ship with a tree branch.

<Rachel! Hork-Bajir!>

Two big Hork-Bajir leaped at her, their arm blades flashing. I whipped my tail left, right. One

Hork-Bajir dropped. The other hesitated, just long enough for us to pass him.

We plowed into the defensive knot of our friends.

<On behalf of General Custer, let me welcome you to the last stand,> Marco said as he sank his gorilla fist into the midriff of a Hork-Bajir warrior.

<This the door?> Rachel yelled.

<Yeah! Can you bust it down?>

Rachel reared up on her hind legs. She had to duck her head as split cow carcasses came by,

always holding to their stately pace.

She put out her paws and slammed her weight against the door.

WHAM!

Nothing! The door did not budge. And now a triumphant roar went up from the surging, pressing mass of enemy warriors, human and Hork-Bajir.

We were trapped. Outnumbered.

Then we heard the hated thought-speak voice we knew too well.

<How fitting,> Visser Three exulted. <The end of the Andalite bandits comes here in a slaughterhouse. Take them! Seize them! Butcher them! Yes, butcher them!>

I honestly don't even know at this point.

# ? Sep 7, 2021 02:41

e X: Feb 23, 2013; cool but crude

Epicurius posted:

Chapter 23

We try never to kill any Controller.

That try is doing the heavy lifting here.

# ? Sep 7, 2021 09:43

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

e X posted:

That try is doing the heavy lifting here.

I try to lose weight, I can tell you more when I'm done with this doughnut.

# ? Sep 7, 2021 13:02

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Oh man, Visser wants him some bandit burgers

# ? Sep 7, 2021 13:28

Bobulus: Jan 28, 2007

I wonder if that human controller with the knife is a former Hork Bajir controller who is used to solving problems with arm blades.

# ? Sep 7, 2021 16:15

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Bobulus posted:

I wonder if that human controller with the knife is a former Hork Bajir controller who is used to solving problems with arm blades.

Not impossible. It is, however, a slaughterhouse, so men with knives isn't a rare sight there.

# ? Sep 7, 2021 21:10

e X: Feb 23, 2013; cool but crude

It's also great that Visser 3 is on the scene, for some reason. I wonder if he supervises every single Yeerk operation, on the off chance that the Andalite bandits show up.

# ? Sep 7, 2021 21:17

Tree Bucket: Apr 1, 2016; R.I.P.idura leucophrys

I think he just shouts "fools! I have you now" at more or less random intervals just in case a nemesis happens to be nearby. The underlings know better than to mention it.

# ? Sep 8, 2021 01:32

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# ? May 28, 2024 05:49

Fuschia tude: Dec 26, 2004; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019

I also like the detail that he's just blasting thought-speak in all directions constantly rather than directing it to certain recipients, just a boss reply-alling and sending emails to the entire company all day long

# ? Sep 8, 2021 02:06

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Read Animorphs! The Whole Series! Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

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